Play ball!

Hi.

Remember this? The VUFSA blog that once was updated four and five times a week? It’s not “back” by any means, but let’s consider this a stopping in for a visit. We’ll take it slowly, maybe hold hands, and see what happens from there.

So there’s a baseball season that broke out. Good thing too because the NBA season just kept going and going and going and going and before you knew it, you were pounding your head against the TV. Then you realized it wasn’t turned to the NBA, but rather American Idol (go Chris Daughtry!...shit, did I just say that?).

Enough of this. Baseball.

Unlike last season when first place was locked up by the second series of the season, this season has 5 teams within 10 points of first place. Sure, 10 points can seem like quite the mountain but considering yesterday’s first place team managed to fall down -11.5 in one day, it’s not an insurmountable obstacle. On the other hand, Dakota Brezinski could score that one more run or get that one more save that bumps him/her up those 11.5 points making the point of this paragraph, well, pointless.

Cellar Dwellers’ second go around in football and basketball resulted in strong second place finishes. Did the luck finally run out? With 1’s in four offensive categories, it would appear that at least the steroids did. With Cris Carpenter alone, one would think that there wouldn’t be a 1 in the win category. But then one would be wrong wouldn’t they! Barry Bonds has just 6 hits this year, but still gets on base at a .529 rate. However, he is one of two starters who has yet to hit a homerun, which isn’t helping poor Stem. Tim Hudson, Jon Lieber, Jason Schmidt, and Dan Haren have a combined ERA that makes gas prices look low.

Ed is probably really upset right now, so I’ll go lightly on him after the Miguel Cabera trade nearly had him switching companies and working for CVS (gasp!). Let’s think positive here. Carlos Beltran is better than last year. Carlos Lee is hitting. Scott Rolen is still alive. Wood and Prior are going to be great when they come off the DL (this line was also uttered four years ago). Johan Santana is not as bad as the first month of the season (but if you think he’s going to be feel free to trade him to me). And he’s got JJ Putz. The ultimate ace in the hole.

Father Abraham is in seventh. 1’s in K’s, ERA, and WHIP sting, especially when two of the first three draft picks were spent on starting pitching. Who was the idiot who drafted the pitching there? Sheesh. But FA does have a 10 in on base percentage. Albert Pujols. That’s all you need to know there. Jack Wilson and Bill Mueller have been pleasant surprises. David Ortiz isn’t too bad either. I’m thinking a name change might be on the horizon for Lincoln who might go with Father Abraham Squared in the fall.

Bondo and the Asians has disappointed. Just three Asians? Pshaw. So how about that Chris Shelton? He’s playing for that ultimate optimist Jim Leyland who thinks they stink. Anyone tell Jim that he’s in Detroit? Anyway, Tomke could use some HRs, K’s, and OBP to move up in the standings. With a few numbers up in those categories, he’d be in the top half of the league and would ultimately push Ed off the edge. Will Roger Clemens make a difference? Zito and Bonderman have sucked…almost as bad as Ani Difranco (thanks for the research help).

Wily Mo’s Wild Ride was picked to finish last in the preseason poll yet find themselves right smack dab in the middle of the standings. Despite no keepers, Baron is leading the league in RBIs. Pretty doggone impressive. Michael Barrett, Matt Holliday, and Morgan Ensberg are leading the charge in that “guys people have heard of but are playing better than people know” category. Baron could use some saves, wins, and improved WHIP but the recently acquired Jason Marquis can help out there. If only Wily Mo were still a Red…

Tadano’s Fluffer is riding high on the strength of their starting pitching. Erik Bedard is playing well and is also Canadian. Chris Young, Rich Harden, Jose Contreras, and Brad Penny have all been strong and account for just about half of Tadano’s 63 overall points. Yay pitching! The offensive has been middle of the road. Joe Mauer has yet to hit a homerun or reach double digits in either runs or RBIs. Not so good for a first overall pick. Jhonny Peralta pissed me off so bad I dropped him in my other league. Viano does start three Cincinnati Reds, which pleases Baron to no end and probably Viano too since Cincy averages 24 runs per game when playing at home. Lastly, Viano’s dog likes Eli’s crotch. Good for it.

How about them ChamPeons? Bottom of the standings? Picked low? Screw ‘em all says Champ! Or at least that’s what I think he might say. That or “Iowa rocks.” Despite a disappointing single NCAA e-mail, Champ is back on track with fantasy baseball. That Hanley Rameriez fella is someone to watch. Unfortunately Kevin Mench is not. Champ is some stolen bases away from being in the upper half of every offensive category. The pitching, though, is what has propelled him upward, specifically his closers. Wickman, Jenks, Reitsma, and Miceli are racking up the saves while Lee, Mussina, and Buehrle are keeping the ERA and WHIP down. If only the sports schedule and highlights on the WVUR website were updated, Champ would be perfect.

Rlh……… is right in the hunt as well they should be. As usual, I’m terrified of this team. Due to the past success of the Gun’s dealings, I hit “reject trade” even if he were offering me Jim Thome for Brad Wilkerson. But that Thome is pretty good. He has twice as many homers as any of Eli’s other starters and is playing like the guy Viano banked so much on last year. A few more runs, homers, and RBIs would be nice, but when I see that Manny Ramirez hasn’t started trying yet, I realize that there’s not much concern here. The real bright spot was Eli’s timely and witty “see you in a week, rlh” from just a day ago.

Dakota Brezinski’s hat is on fire. At least that’s what it look like. Travis Hafner may not be human. Andruw Jones is the best offensive outfielder at the moment. Josh Willingham has proven to be a very valuable catcher who spends some time in the outfield. The Derek Lee injury is a setback for sure, but ex-Brewer Lyle Overbay is an above average backup. The pitching has been up and down in categories with the Roy’s (Oswalt and Halladay) doing their thing. Tim Worell has six saves, but his ERA is over 8. Brad Lidge has 6 saves but his WHIP is nearly 1 and a half. So if that stuff gets all straightened out things will be fine.

ELENI KAMETAS! totally rocks! The recent discovery that there is a myspace account will provide endless fodder for a season full of innovative smack talk. Despite past season’s success of milking saves out of low-tier closers, I have been disappointed in Jose Valverde and Ambiorix Burgos. Granted the D-Backs and especially the Royals would have to win a game here and there in order to even get these guys opportunities, 3 combined saves is pathetic. And oh, Keith Foulke. Bastard. On the plus side, Ed’s generous gift of Moneyball has allowed me to do well in this on base percentage category as I, by default of having read the book, now subscribe to sabermetrics. Go Brian Giles! Perhaps most important for me, though, is the new Reese Witherspoon icon I unveiled in my public comments toward rlh. She’s cute.

Let's Make a Deal

The VUFSA has never had as many trades before the end of the first week of the season as it did in 2006 Baseball. The flurry of activity (coupled with the chainsaws outside my window preventing me from sleeping) stimulated my statistical bone. I made a chart. Here is what I found:

Number of Trades, by owner:

Eli: 39
Champ: 32
Ed: 23
JR: 23
Dave: 16
Viano: 16
Drew: 15
Lincoln: 11
Baron: 9
Stem: 8

Most Popular Pairings:

Eli-Champ: 12
Eli-JR: 7
Eli-Ed: 6
Eli-Dave, Ed-Champ, Drew-Champ, JR-Viano: 4
Many 3s

Other Tidbits from reveiwing the league's trade history:

-Ed, Eli, and Champ have each completed at least one transaction with the other 9 franchises.
-In just one year, Dave has dealt with every owner except Drew. (They hate each other, for the record.)
-Stem has dealt with just 4 other owners
-The following combinations have never been made: Stem-Drew, Stem-JR, JR-Lincoln, Stem-Lincoln, Stem-Viano, Stem-Baron, Baron-Viano, Drew-Tomke
-Football 2005 was the busiest season, with 29 trades completed

-Largest Trades involved 7 players. They were:

-Champ-Drew, (the Randy Moss-TO deal)
-Champ-Eli (recent Dontrelle Willis/Hideki Matsui swap)
-Champ-Ed (Shockey deal)
-Ed-Tomke (RJeff/CWebb/KuThomas/Tinsley for Shaq/Diaq/Igudola)

-2nd Biggest involve 6 players:

-Champ-Stem, 6 players (Taylor/Barlow/Snake2.0 for Holt/Pennington/Cowart)
-Champ-Eli (Hinrich/Prince/Dampier for MoPete/Yao/Luol Deng)
-Champ-Eli (Billups/Martin/Francis for T-Mac/Melo/Dampier)
-Lincoln-Viano (AStoudamire/DHoward/JoSmith for Brand/Odom/Alston)

-Most pointless trade: Ed-JR (David Patten for Jesse Chatman)
-Runner up: Marcel Shipp for Frank Gore

-Most Controversial: Randy Moss for TO
-Runners-Up: Basketball PreDraft trade of Kevin Garnett, and the way we're headed, possibly Willis-Matsui.

-Biggest Blockbuster: Eli-JR (Derrek Lee and Roy Oswalt for Vlad Guerrero and Brad Lidge)
-Runner-Up- The deal where Amare Stoudamire, Dwight Howard and Elton Brand switched teams, if anyone cared about basketball.

-Best Trade that didn't work out for anyone: Lincoln-Eli (Priest Holmes for Ahman Green)
-Runner-Up: Channing Frye for Stephon Marbury

Early April

A poem, altered from how it originally appeared last year on The Valpope's Pulpit.

I love the smell of the stadium, the freshly cut grass and the distinct conspiracy of aromas generated in the jubilant concourses.

I love the idea of the hot dog from the corner vendor, whisked from the condiments table into the open air of the stadium seating bowl.

I love the cup holders on the back of the seats, and the sudden comfort of being in that seat, among thousands, nestled inside the view that awaits you.

I do not like sour kraut on my hot dog. I also do not like mustard.

I love the sounds.

Not just the crack of the bat or the rush of fans after a big home run.

I love the silence, the moment of anticipation as a left fielder throws his body at the ball, those moments when nobody is entirely sure if the ball has found leather or not.

I love the sound of the hysterical vendor -- every damn stadium has one -- as he or she performs and sells simultaneously.

I love the faint echoes of the public address announcer.

I love the sound of a liner meeting a glove. I do not love the sound of a Brewer swearing as he walks back to the dugout following a K. I also do not like the sound of Cubs fans, in general.

I love the air. Not yet warm enough to be summer but still sunshiny enough to call it great weather.

I love how even though it sometimes isn't great weather, it feels like it anyway with the baseball game in front of you.

I love the scoreboard. Sharp, bright, large images of player headshots or stats or facts, conspiring neatly with the deep, distinct voice that announces the arrival of your favorite player to home plate. I love the between-game trivia and the out-of-town scoreboard. I love the graphics and the images, sometimes footage of games long ago. I love that I know exactly this game's attendance and I'm going to say so loudly so everyone in section 216 knows it.

I love the walk up to the park, the awe it inspires in its immensity before you draw inside, through the turnstile and into the expanse before you.

I love the inability to gauge where a fly ball is really going to land from the upper deck. I love the brief sense of simultaneous panic and thrill that comes with "oh my god, the ball is coming right for us" as you sit in the outfield bleachers. I love the rising tide of murmering as those around you realize a foul ball is headed your direction. I hate that guy who lunged on top of three elderly nuns to get the ball. Bastard.

I love the music you distantly hear when you enter, and the first glimpse of the field as you head into the seating bowl and see, just for a moment between those people in front of you, a groudskeeper tending to the base line before the full picture comes into view.

I do not like the rain that permeates the Miller Park roof. I also do not like that painful squealing that comes as a result of the roof closing. And also, less hip-hop.

I love the escalator ride to the second deck.

I love the kids, those stupid, awful, ketchup-on-their-shirt children, nonetheless entirely endearing when they ask a stupid question about baseball with complete ardor and fascination. Is that man (guy in a jersey buying beer) on the team? How many foul balls will we catch today? No, Timmy, it's MY LUNCHBOX (clinging to the cheesy-ass promotion giveaway at the door).

I love the old people, barely able to move, adorned in Brewers gear with smiles on their faces. I love that they probably know more about Brewers baseball than I ever will. They were here for the good times, the bad times, the historical times ... and even when it isn't convenient and time has passed them by, I love how they wouldn't even THINK of missing a game.

Not this game.

I do not love the guy who will give me a t-shirt if I sign up for a credit card. Back off, bitch.

I love the posters of the players around the yard. I love the ceremonial first pitch. As long as it is expedient, I love the National Anthem. I love Roll out the Barrel. I love Kiss Cam.

I love that sometime in this season, we'll never know when, some terrible eighth-string player is going to take an All-Star closer deep to win a game in 11 innings.

I love how some time this season, we'll never know when, some pitcher is going to flirt with a no-hitter for six innings.

I love how some time this season, you'll never know when, you will see something that you can honestly say you haven't seen before.

I do not love the fact that sometime this season, you never know when, the Brewers will break out of their 0-for-50 streak with runners in scoring position.

And god, do I love the game. I love the bases-loaded, two outs. I love the triple. The triple play. The squeeze play. The home run -- the one that you know right away is gone. And the one that sneaks over the wall, just barely.

I love getting out of a jam. I love five hits to start an inning. I love the first out of the game and the last out of the game. Well, usually I don't like the last out of the game. Roughly 20 percent of the time, I do.

I love it when the radio critics are proven wrong.

May your team have a great season. Except when they're playing my team. And may your starting pitchers not ALL be on the DL. And my your general manager figure some things out along the way. And may the season never be too long, amen.