Top Ten Basketball Preview

Set your lineups bitches and buckle in for a new fantasy season -- it's NBA time! Among the more exciting things are milking cows, watching NASCAR and handing out candy to bratty Trick-Or-Treaters, but this is how we do until baseball saves us from the purgatory of bad basketball.

Recently, owners were asked to rank the teams in our semi-sometimes preseason poll, and the results are what provide us with this top ten moment. Think your team is rated too low? Prove it. Think your team is rated too highly? Quit whining, bitch.

1o. The Fan Punchers (73 points). Dave Tomke's crew is probably going to have a rough year, though basketball offers the most hope of any sport to teams with expansion standing. Shaquille O'Neal and Rasheed Wallace will natrually be a solid 1-2 punch at big man, and Steve Francis is more than serviceable at guard. But what's next? Luol Deng and Earl Boykins getting playing time in the utility role? Relying on breakout years from Hedo Turkoglu and Andre Iguodala? Not saying it can't work, but yes I am.

Opposing scout's take: (by opposing scout, I mean my roommate Karl...who knows more about basketball than any of us.) "Are we supposed to be brutally honest? I’m not going to get death threats from random dudes? This team … has a couple of marquee players but beyond that, it’s going to be a long year. They are going to be weak all across the board. Starting five is not outstanding and the backups are merely average."

Thank you Karl.

9. Big Fat Guys (70 points): Gilbert Arenas was a suspect pick in the expansion draft (Jermaine O'Neal? Anyone?) and a dirth of stars on this team is going to make for a painfully long season. Mehmet Ohkur and Kurt Thomas and Kyle Korver would not be starters on other teams, and role players like Mike Miller and Eddie Jones don't figure to have the breakout seasons Baron Brendel will need. Ike Diogu is interesting, and could be a keeper product down the road.

Opposing scout's take: "They will challenge The Fan Punchers for the bottom of the league. Once again, only two marquee players, nothing outstanding otherwise and not much depth. I can see Mehmet Okur potentially busting out. Kurt Thomas having a starting role could be a valuable sleeper on this team as well."

Well, Karl, I think you're terribly wrong about Mehmet Okur and Kurt Thomas. But whatever, we were trying to be nice.

8. Fightin' Akindeles (62 points). Ah yes, a good choice for team name, in honor of the great Deji and his 7-foot frame of craptacularism. Unfortunately, Andy Viano's team has not been picked to ascend beyond the career of his namesake, though his placement this low surprises me and my "opposing scout." He didn't show up for the draft, so he was supposed to get crap, but he still wound up with Stephon Marbury, a still-useful Peja Stojakovic and a very good Manu Ginobili. Any team that has LeBron James -- arguably the No. 1 pick in most regular fantasy leagues -- is in good shape, though the loss of Arenas in expansionville hardly helps his cause.

Opposing scout says: "Very solid starting five, some depth but certainly not as much as other teams. Very small. Other than Raef LaFrentz and Elton Brand, he’s not going to have any rebounds. Only three dudes on the team will get any rebounds. Other than his starting five, this team will probably struggle."

Obviously, Karl hates you.

7. Father Abraham (51 points): The league's elder statesman will be seriously, seriously crippled at the center position until Amare Stoudamire gets healthy, and Lincoln Souzek's decision to keep the young superstar had to have been a tough call given his long term injury status. Of course, if Chris Bosh gets center eligible like he should, the situation is suddenly easier, since Kenyon Martin or Antawn Jamison can definitely fill the power forward role admirably. Rashard Lewis and Jamal Crawford are iffy and it's hard to tell what Quentin Richardson will do.

Opposing scout laments: "His starting five are average but he has very quality depth. If he can make it through to Februrary and get Amare back to full health, he could be a major playoff contender. Amare is still such a young talent. That may have been a risk to keep Amare with only three keepers in the league, but if he survives to the end of the season, you can look for him to bust out and this team will be a major contender in the playoffs."

Good luck with that. What Karl actually said was "Someone actually kept Amare? Does he follow basketball?" He didn't really, but I did.

6. ChamPeons (46 points): A controversial deal to give up Yao Ming and Kevin Garnett for some guys and some other guys may have weakened his team up top, but the squad's depth is really quite okay. The thing is, Brent Whitlock is relying on a lot of people that might be past their prime or might continue doing what they do: Ray Allen, Vince Carter, Shareef Abdur-Rahim. Abdur-Rahim coming off the bench will hurt this team's starting unit. Baron Davis and Z Ilgauskus will be among the best at their position, and that helps. Everyone knows what Tracy McGrady will do.

Opposing scout's stupid ramblings: "Excellent starting five. Solid depth on the bench. Tons of scoring, rebounding and assists will be pretty solid as well. There’s no major weaknesses on this team. I like Raymond Felton as a potential sleeper candidate on a weak Charlotte Bobcats team."

I couldn't convince Karl that this team was a bottom five squad. He really likes the makeup, mostly because he's from Cleveland and has a Bald Man Mancrush (who doesn't?) on Ilgauskus. But Karl saw this team as one of the league's top three.

5. Andy Bogut's Haircut (40 points -- 1 first place vote): Haters. Obviously, my team is better than yours, but you still put me in the middle of the pack. Well you're going to get yours. STEAL OF THE DRAFT Ron Artest is going to have pretty close to an MVP season, assuming he keeps his ass out of prison, and staying out of jail/healthy will also be an issue for Allen Iverson, Andrei Kirilenko, Carlos Boozer, Jason Kidd and Ricky Davis. Kirilenko is about as complete a fantasy stud as there is, and Jason Kidd could be a key component even as one of those potential over the hill guys. Jamaal Magloire saw his fantasy value diminish a bit after his trade to the Bucks, and the center position is therefore very weak on this team.

Opposing scout, trying to appease me: "Very solid starting five with guys off the bench that could easily fill in the starting rotation without losing a step. Look for Ron Artest to have a big year coming back from suspension. A combination of Carlos Boozer and Andrei Kirilenko provide some solid rebounding and high field goal percentage. I like Josh Smith as a major sleeper candidate."

I didn't tell him who owned which teams and just gave him rosters, but I got really excited when I asked him about this one. "Don't you think this team is the best? What's your favorite part about this team?? Even though he looks like Kurt Warner's wife, isn't Kirilenko hot? He hesitated on all accounts. I hate you Karl.

4. Madd Skillz (32 points -- 2 first place votes): Keeping Kirk Hinrich was a major, major stretch, and thus his starting five isn't quite the powerhouse it could be. But you have to be impressed with his team, especially with the obvious (Dirk Nowitzki) and the keeper-potential youth (Dwight Howard). Plus, Ed Schillinger has proven his aptitude (complete lack of social life) in running a fantasy team, so it's hard not to think of him in the top five immediately.

Opposing scout, while naked in the street and singing Streisand, declares: "Solid depth with a lot of potential sleepers with a lot of upside. Dwight Howard and Jamaal Tinsley will improve on last season’s numbers. Chris Webber, if healthy ever again, could be a solid 12th man on the team. Of course, it never hurts to have Dirk Nowitzki on your squad."

It also doesn't hurt to be so into fantasy sports that you type up a charter. But that's another post.

3. Spirit of the Noc (28 points -- 1 first place vote): Tied with Ickow's Bunnies for second place and notched here by virtue of fewer first place votes. Again, we're dealing with a fantasy-savvy owner who will always keep his team in the upper tier, and he again has the personnel to do it. He has the illustrious and fabulous and charming Brad Miller on his team, which is too bad because it means I do not have him, and Shawn Marion could easily ascend to best player in the league status. Joel Przybilla's selection was silliness, but his bench is super thick and he has a ton of guys on the cusp of a breakout season.

Opposing scout, probably high on PCP: "Well rounded starting five. A fairly deep bench. His success could depend on how big of an improvement Josh Howard and Rafer Alston make down in Texas. Shawn Marion without Amare Stoudamire to help him is going to have to play a larger role, which could benefit this team."

And let's not forget the obvious. This team is in honor of the second-greatest Argentinian in the NBA. Never mind that I can't name the third.

2. Ickow's Bunnies (28 points -- 3 first place votes). Props on the team name, which could honor Ickow's missed layups or his legion of Playboy petites, which you know that hideous little man strangely has lots of. Personally, I think people over-valued the addition of Yao and Garnett, though that move obviously makes his team leagues and legions and armies better. Yet, I still don't see his team having depth. One of his big three going down would be devastating, handing the keys to Andrew Bogut (who isn't ready, but has flawless hair), Udonis Haslem, The Hotly Disputed Commodity of Chris Mihm or Josh Childress's Afro. Corey Maggette and Ben Gordon are solid if not superstar guards, and Tayshaun Prince has a lot of money, and maybe the game to match.

Opposing scout, giving me an uncomfortable wink while drinking merlot and mumbling something about slipping into something more comfortable: "Combination of Duncan, Ming and Garnett is potentially more dominant than Cellar Dwellars' big three, if healthy. Bench is weak. It may be a wise move to trade either Duncan or Ming for a guard, a high-scoring, high-assist guard. Rebounds will not be hard to come by, but assists may. I don’t see anyone here that strikes my fancy in that category."

By "fancy" he means "ass, sexually."

1. Cellar Dwellars (20 points -- 3 first place votes): If you ask me, there really is no comparison. In my poll, I basically saw this team as the best, almost everyone else mooshed together in the next several, with the expansion teams at nine and ten. It's very close throughout, but I still see this team as the best, at least when it comes to the top five. Dwyane Wade, Kobe and Jermaine combined with Emeka Okafor and Joe Johnson is really a complete team, even if he's stuck with folks like Raja Bell and a dead Samuel Dalembert on his bench. Stromile Swift is a major wild card with upside and if Zach Randolph ever gets less portly, he might actually rule.

Opposing scout, lighting the candle on his Andrew Stem shrine while the hot wax satisfyingly drips on his tender skin: "This is my pick to win the league. They have very solid starting five and depth at all positions. Having Wade, Bryant and Jermaine O’Neal on the same team isn’t really even fair. He has scoring and rebounding. The weakest area that I can see would be in the assist categories…I don’t see many assist guys."

In other words, the endearing little Cellar Dwellar that we knew and loved and mercilessly made fun of through season one has grown up, become a man, and killed his father.

Open thread, week eight

Talk amongst yourselves, bitches.

Week 8 Preview

Game of the Week

Madd Skillz vs. Cellar Dwellars (pk)

I'm eschewing the point spread for this game, and everyone should understand why...This is the strongest matchup of the year so far, but would be even more so if both teams were undefeated...As is, first place is at stake here, as the two teams have a combined one loss heading into this week...This game features the highest combined winning percentage of any two teams in VUFSA History (13-1, .928) with a minimum of 5 games each...Schillinger is 2-0 lifetime against his one time protoge

News and Notes, SKL

First loss since Week 13 of last season, snapping a 9 game win streak, spread out over two seasons...Has won 13 of last 15 games played...Story of the loss last week was the poor performance of LDT, though he wasn't the only one sleepwalking through week 7...I can't really put together the joke about Rudi Johnson and playing craps because he puts up so many 7s...Domanick Davis keeps rolling, and while he's a very good back; his week to week output is always in question because his team is one of the worst in the world...Steve Smith and Fred Taylor come back from bye weeks with good matchups on tap...Matt Hasselbeck may have started his last game of the season...Key Players on Bye Week: Matt Hasselbeck?

News and Notes, CD

No one is questioning the Dwellars dominance- but did you realize that their opponents have averaged just 69.50 points the last 4 weeks?...The biggest subplot to this game is clearly the ill-timed bye of Shaun Alexander; JJ Arrington steps in to the starting lineup, representing maybe the biggest possible dropoff ever...The second biggest subplot is the possibility of Mark Brunell's second straight start, though he's earned it after a 3-TD day...One disadvantage that CD faces is that their top two QBs are will likely have to throw to one of SKL's receivers multiple times (Jake Delhomme to Steve Smith or Mark Brunell to Santana Moss)...On the other side, David Givens could negate some of Tom Brady...Another 30 point day from LaMont Jordan would be huge here...KPOBW: Shaun Alexander, Shaun Alexander, Shaun Alexander

The 2 Spot

Sex Panther (-3.50) vs. Fred Lane's Wife

This matchup features the top two scoring teams from last year's regular season...FLW can move even with SP (and possibly 4 other teams) at .500 with a second straight win...SP, on the other hand would love to get a win before marching into CD's yard without 4 of his best players next week...Not a "must-win" for either team (I'm trying to be less hyperbolic) but a "man-I-really-need-this-win" game for both teams...Eli and Andy split two epic duals last season, with Viano getting the better of the most recent

News and Notes, SP

New week, new Titans QB, as Steve McNair keeps the seat warm for Marc Bulger this week...Remember how the expansion teams passed on Steven Jackson 4 times? He has 99 points this season, and his touches are rising every week, for those of you keeping track...With Mike Martz out of the picture, Jackson looks to get more rushes and more looks, which is great for SP; that being said, most of SP's rivals would gladly give Jackson the extra looks if it means a diminished output from both Marc Bulger and Torry Holt...While Clinton Portis' performance last week was enormous, let's remember that it was against the 49ers. He's still one of the better backs in our league, but let's not get carried away...SP's WR situation is not good this week, with Torry Holt hobbled, and Reggie Wayne on bye...Cadillac Williams stands a good shot at returning to the field this week, a huge boost for what is now the best RB corps in the league...KPOBW: Reggie Wayne

News and Notes, FLW

Kelly Holcomb took over for JP Losman in Buffalo and the world rejoiced. Kelly Holcomb takes over for Peyton Manning here, and Andy Viano moans...A rejuvinated receiving corps takes the field for FLW, as recent acquisition Joey Galloway starts along with Hines Ward and new star Kevin Curtis...Corey Dillon returns to the starting lineup, for now; his injury could go a long way in determining FLW's fate...Luckily, will have all day Sunday to watch Dillon's injury, and can swap in Jerome Bettis for Monday night, if needed...Tatum Bell has a world of talent, but the Denver backfield is such a crapshoot, he's always a risky play. Of course, he's always a risky sit as well...KPOBW: Peyton Manning

Prediction: Sex Panther has the better team. Couple that with the absence of Manning, and it's an easy call for what should be a close game. SP moves 2 games ahead of FLW with a win.

Game #3

Blaine Browns (-5) vs. ChamPeons

It says something about the Blaine Browns when they miss their 3 best RBs and are still favorites in a game against a 3 win team...These teams are one win apart, and may be tied in the standings after this week, despite a 173.50 point differential...With three 3-4 teams, BB is in the same boat as SP- they aren't desperate for a win, but those three teams could all win this week and create a 5 team jam for 2 playoff spots...CHM on the other hand, has three straight winnable games before a brutal stretch to end the season...We'll have to wait until Monday to declare a winner in this one, as CHM has two pretty significant players trotting out Monday Night...Wolfman has never lost to the Champion in VUFSA history

News and Notes, BB

It's been touched on a million times so far, but since I lead N&N with what I feel is each team's top story, I'll say it one more time: all three starting runners are on bye this week...To compensate for the losses, BB plans on moving Flex back Ruben Droughns to RB1, while gambling that Patrick Pass will get looks for the Patriots again and moving Chris Cooley from TE to RB3, as newly acquired Jermaine Wiggins starts at TE...Receivers are at full strength, which is big as they will need to pick up some slack this week...Drew Brees will also need to have a gigantic week, which is entirely possible against the Chiefs...KPOBW: Edgerrin James, Curtis Martin, Warrick Dunn, Alge Crumpler, Dwight Freeney

News and Notes, CHM

Three questionable players on the roster for CHM, and everyone of them is an impact player...Randy Moss is again questionable, but after being benched in a good effort last week, he starts...Chris Brown's injury isn't the only thing questionable, as his role could be decreased with Travis Henry back from his little vacation...The final Q is Julius Jones, who is expected to miss his third straight game, which puts Tyson Thompson in the lineup at least one more time...Daunte Culpepper finds himself on the bench in favor of Drew Bledsoe's matchup with Arizona- but despite the matchup, one wonders: why trade Clinton Portis if you're not even going to play the guy you get for him? This team would be far better off with Portis playing instead of Thompson, since Bledsoe has been starting anyways...Do you realize that Kerry Collins has thrown just one interception this year?...Heath Miller is a very nice pickup at TE, and will have a few big games for CHM...KPOBW: None

Prediction: Despite the depleted roster, BB could still very well win this game, but I can't honestly say that they will. CHM gets to .500 and continues to be a wildcard in the playoff race.

Batting Cleanup

Big Fat Guys vs. Father Abraham (-25)

Oddly enough, BFG can move into a tie with FA with a win in this matchup...FA is in the awkward position of rooting for the two teams that he is tied with in the standings this week...I'm pretty sure I referred to BFG as a "playoff afterthought" (and if I didn't I meant to) and while that's not true yet- if they lose here, it's over: FLW, CD, SKL and SP are up the next four weeks, and they have to close against BB. Yikes....This is the first meeting between the two teams

News and Notes, BFG

Travis Henry returns! A key part of the Carson Palmer-Brian Westbrook deal sees the starting lineup for Captain Brendel for the first time...Alongside Henry and red-hot Thomas Jones, Marion Barber gets another start at RB, and deserves it after a nice effort last week...Peerless Price starts in the Flex spot. He has 2 catches this season, and one of them was actually for positive yardage...Nate Burleson continues to get healthier, but it's looking like he won't be the impact player that is needed at the #1 spot in the dispersal draft...It hurts that Price and Burleson are struggling, because the WR corps used to be the biggest strength of this team...Carson Palmer has 1800 yards and 13 TDs while Baron has racked up at least 4 "I dold you so's" the past few weeks...KPOBW: Dominic Rhodes

News and Notes, FA

For the first time in a long time, FA is pretty much at full strength...All of their key players are past their byes, and most are as healthy as they've been in some time...Stephen Davis is absent from the injury report, and Priest Holmes has held up magnificently; while Donovan McNabb hasn't had to leave a game with that sports hernia thing...However, Joe Horn remains a let down, but at least he's not the Whizzinator...The Ricky Williams experiment looks like it's over for now, but I don't think it hurts having him stashed on the bench...Jamal Lewis doesn't look like he'll get on track this week, as he plays another astonishing defense in Pittsburgh on Monday Night...KPOBW: None, finally

Prediction: FA has the better team, and though no matchups necessarily bode well, they're going to win and break their 3 game slide. Plus, Baron hates when I pick him.

The 5 Hole

The Octagon (-17.50) vs. Who is Ron Mexico?

It's only fitting that the game named after a hockey term routinely features Dave Tomke's team...I hate to say this (not really), but fire up the "+3" key on the luck index for this game...Both clubs start an anonymous Packer running back this week, it's an interesting strategy, we'll see how it works out...A couple of notes on irony, as WIRM faces the player whose late touchdown sealed his only win of the year (Tony Fisher) while starting a player whose late touchdown thundered them in what was supposed to be their second win (Antonio Chatman)...This is the first time that JR and Tomke have fought on the virtual gridiron, and the ensuing insults will make this rivalry one of the most interesting in the league

News and Notes, OCT

The best receiving corps (on paper) when the season began sends Jimmy Smith, Lee Evans and Andre Johnson into battle this week...The league leader in TD passes, Brett Farve, continues to relegate Trent Green to the bench...Tony Fisher is a nice pickup, but he may not do much for OCT, as Chester Taylor cannot be kept on the bench for long; in real life or in fantasy...Brian Westbrook is still a heck of a player, but he needs to run the ball well to be a fantasy stud in this league...It looks as if the clock is winding down on the Kevan Barlow era...KPOBW: Marvin Harrison

News and Notes, WIRM

There are four very promising young players in the lineup for WIRM this week, though only one has a ton of fantasy potential...Though thin at RB, the young WRs on this club are brimming with potential, as Mike Williams, Braylon Edwards and Michael Clayton all have keeper qualities...Ahman Green is out for the year, and he is done with this team forever, as the Packer back has been put on waivers, and it's questionable whether any team is willing to take a flier on the once great back and make him a keeper...Not a lot of options for WIRM this week, as 5 of their 7 reserves are on bye, and one other is frequently inactive for games...KPOBW: Michael Vick, TJ Duckett, Joe Jurevicius, Brandon Stokley, Jerramy Stevens

Prediction: Even before the bye week losses, this was OCT's game. A win would make Dave so very happy, but I don't see it happening.

The dreaded bye week

Everyone has them. Everyone hates them. The dreaded bye week. As has been well publicized, I have to suffer through a horrid week 8 in which my three starting running backs will spend their weekend eating grapes and relaxing in hammocks. In a roto league, all bye weeks would be quite meaningless as everything would balance out over time with everyone having to sit their star players once. In our beloved and overly cherished VUFSA football league, though, who has the bye week and when can make or break a team.

Cellar Dwellers:
Had a couple of byes in week 3 in which they lost their two Lions. It didn't matter much as Kevin Faulk scored his one TD of the year filling in for Kevin Jones, as the team defeated the Blaine Browns. Week 5 was probably their worst week for byes in which they lost Lamont Jordan, Jerry Porter, and Plaxico Burress. Regardless, they disposed of Father Abraham in blowout fashion. Shaun Alexander is going to miss the biggest showdown of the year with a bye this week, and J.J. Arrington fills in. Mind you Arrington hasn't scored as many points this entire season as Alexander does in taking a single whizz. After this week, though, Stembo is sitting pretty as all of his byes (except for Sam McDonald...so what?) are through.

Madd Skillz:
MS (now I see why we abbreviate Madd Skillz with "SKL") had a bad bye earlier on in week 3. Todd Heap, Domanick Davis, and Santana Moss all took a nap. Larry Johnson took Davis' spot and managed to score -2 points. It really hurt Edwin as he managed to wallop me by 45. Bad bye my ass. Steve Smith and Fred Taylor passed on week 7, contributing in large part to MS's first loss of the year. Antonio Bryant sadly contributed 1 point in Smith's absence (and if Ed would have flushed all offensive Clevleand Browns, he would have started Larry Johnson and won this past week). Week 10 doesn't look too pretty either with the team formerly named Too Many Bengals sitting Chad and Rudi Johnson (and some guy named Tomlinson). You're welcome Sex Panther. Speaking of whom...

Sex Panther:
Thomas Jones and da Bears had week 4 off. Never mind that, Eli had 4 other starting running backs at that point in time. Wouldn't have mattered much as the Blaine Browns kicked off their 2005 campaign that week. Week 9 could get ugly as the St. Louis Rams rest Marc Bulger, Torry Holt, and Stephen Jackson. Willis McGahee is also off leading Cellar Dwellers to rejoice unceasingly. Also, Scoop Jackson admirably filled in for my personal favorite John Clayton week 7.

Blaine Browns:
So what is worse? To have your team all take the same week off and conceed a single defeat? Or is it worst to spread out the byes forcing the owner to patch together a starting line up all year long? This week Curtis Martin, Warrick Dunn, Edgerrin James, Alge Crumpler, Dwight Freeney, and Patrick Kerney all have byes. How teams in the AFC East, AFC South, and NFC South all have the same bye week is beyond me. Regardless, should I make trades and pick up players off the waiver wire, or should I just let this week go and have all the troops back in week 9? I'm leaning towards the former, even considering not starting a defensive player. But then again, I'll probably panic on Friday and trade Joe Horn for the Whizzinator. Man, I can't believe I did that. You're welcome ChamPeons.

Fred Lane's Wife:
David Carr had week 3 off, but his wife is the only one who cared. Ronnie Brown and Willie Parker took a rest week 4. FLW lost by 3.25 that week, and I'm going to give Viano the benefit of the doubt on that one. Viano did acquire Joey Galloway right in time for his bye week leading me to wonder why he didn't wait another week to pull the trigger on that deal. Corey Dillon was also off too, but FLW did beat the previously undefeated Madd Skillz. So what do I know, I traded Joe Horn for the Whizzinator. I really can't get over that. Kelly Holcomb (former Cleveland Brown...red alert! red alert!) and Tatum Bell are off week 9. Elsewhere, Viano is sitting pretty.

Father Abraham
"Ankle Chains" Jamal Lewis and his 2.9 yards per carry had a bye week 3. That led some guy named Kyle Johnson to fill in. Johnson overachieved, scoring 0 points on 5 yards rushing. Nonetheless, FA managed to conquer Who is Ron Mexico and their momentum filled one game winning streak. Priest Holmes was out week 5, and the superstar Kyle Johnson was there to fill in again. This time, Johnson got on the board with 1 reception for 1 yard, putting up 0.5 points. Oddly though, FA has been hampered mostly with personal byes. Joe Horn and Ricky Williams have each decided to take off when their respective teams have not. Good news for owner Souzek, only Jason Witten and Ashley Lelie have meaningful byes from here on out.

ChamPeons:
Week 3 saw ChamPeons without Clinton Portis and Derrick Mason. Fill-ins Frank Gore (42 yards rushing, 0 TDs) and Issac Bruce (0.50 points) did nothing a Dayton Flyer wouldn't have done. As a result, Champ had just a 3.25 margin of victory. Much closer than need be. Week 5 was a rough one for ChamPeons. Kerry Collins, "Captain" Daunte Culpepper, Mewelade "I was there but didn't see any sex acts because 'I'm engaged'" Moore, and Randy "pretend pants pulling down isn't so bad is it, Minnesota?" Moss all got crazy. Due to the partying, Madd Skillz trampled and chewed up ChamPeons. Week 9 could be a sore one too with Drew Bledsoe, Rod Smith, Michael Irvin, Julius Jones, Eric Moulds, Issac Bruce, and Tyson Thompson all having the week off. You're welcome The Octagon. Speaking of whom...

The Octagon:
He protested my trade, so I protest his team. That and I've already written this entire article once only to have it inexplicably vanish from my computer screen in a moment of sheer panic.

Big Fat Guys:
Chris Chambers sat out the battle of expansion teams, thereby contributing nothing to BFG's first win of the season. Nate Burleson was on bye week 5. I don't think he was healthy enough to play anyway not that it was mattered because he was busy "going deep." (Rim shot, please). Side note: living in Minnesota is absolutely wonderful. We have the dumbest coach with the most morally corrupt players (sorry Dallas and Baltimore). It's never ever boring here. Oh yeah, on with BFG... Week 9 might be a bump in the road as Terry Glynn and Peerless Price (who I totally missed signing with Dallas) are off.

Who Is Ron Mexico:
I sympathize with WIRM as this team also is sitting an insane number of players this week. Jerramy (thanks mom) Stevens, Brandon Stokley, Joe Jurevicius, Justin MCareins, TJ Duckett, and Mike Mexico Vick all take a rest. That should lead to a much needed W for The Octagon. Elsewhere, three Vikings and Lil' Eli Manning were off saililng Lake Minnetonka week 5. That led us to a breath taking 69.25 (FLW) to 42.00 loss. Ugh. Good news, after this week, only Mike Anderson is on bye the rest of the way.

Bye.

Stats Inc.

The luck index has been updated for the week, with the results starting to even out through the middle:

Andrew Stem +7
Dave Tomke +2
Ed Schillinger +1
Baron Brendel +1
Lincoln Souzek +1
Brent Whitlock +1
Andy Viano 0
JR Radcliffe –2
Eli Gieryna –4
Drew Wolf –7

Again: 3 positive points awarded for being the winner with the fewest points, 2 for the second fewest and 1 for the third fewest. -3 for being the loser with the most points and so on. Naturally, it's a relative scale and will promise greater luck to the teams that keep winning...since their value can only increase. What I find interesting is that Dave Tomke's team is still considered "lucky" for having its one win, and the team has "deserved" to lose every game beyond that. Similarly, my team isn't much worse for wear despite also losing five straight games. The conclusion: both our teams legitimately suck. Meanwhile, Drew Wolf hasn't gained any points since going on a winning streak, meaning that he has every right to his wins and the losses still linger as being terribly unlucky.

I tried to do an "adjusted luck index," with results that I've decided will be more meaningful with more weeks in the season. I laid out everyone in order of their scoring each week, one through ten. If a team wins despite being in the bottom five, I gave them a value based on how far down, three points for ninth place in scoring but still winning, two points for eighth place but still winning and one point for seventh place and still winning. I decided fifth and sixth place were neglibile, since folks ranked there can go either way (win or loss) without "luck" truly taking a toll. Likewise, I assigned negative values for people in the top five (finishing second, third or fourth) and still losing.

There just haven't been enough cases for everyone where they've been on either side with "luck" coming into effect. Lincoln, for example, won his week three matchup despite being ninth overall in scoring, so he gets +3. But in no other week was Lincoln "unlucky" or "lucky" by this scale, so he has the highest mark on the board, simply for one week of good fortune. Only Drew Wolf has been "unlucky" more than once (three times), and only Andy Viano and myself have been both "lucky" and "unlucky" once apiece. So, the index as follows:

Lincoln Souzek +3
Baron Brendel +2
Andy Viano +1
JR Radcliffe +1
Brent Whitlock 0
Ed Schillinger 0
Eli Gieryna 0
Dave Tomke 0
Andrew Stem 0
Drew Wolf –3

Again, I think we need a few more weeks, and a few more inputted values, to make this one remotely effective.

In plotting everyone 1-10, I was able to figure out an average ranking among the ten teams each week, which should be an ultimate indicator of how good a team's record should be.

1. Andrew Stem 3.0
2. Drew Wolf 3.0
3. Ed Schillinger 3.1
4. Eli Gieryna 3.7
5. Andy Viano 6.1
6. Lincoln Souzek 6.4
7. JR Radcliffe 6.6
8. Brent Whitlock 6.7
9. Baron Brendel 7.1
10. Dave Tomke 9.1

Barring injury or other setback, it would be an absolute shock if the top four listed here are not our playoff teams. It would require significant dropoff from those teams' players to fall into the next tier.

Other news and notes:

Andy Viano is the only owner to have both the most points in a given week (week 1) and the fewest in a given week (week 2). Lincoln has come close, having the most points in week 2 and the second-fewest three other times.

Dave Tomke's team is extraordinarly bad. Fewest points five times, second fewest once.

Drew Wolf has had the fourth-most points on four occasions...and he's won only one of those occasions. In fact, the person with the fourth most points has lost five of the seven weeks.

Andrew Stem has had the third most points five different weeks.

In seven weeks, we've had six different owners claim the most points in a given week, with Eli getting the only repeat performance (week 3 and 5). Ed, Stem, Viano, Lincoln and Drew have all had their turn.

No team has finished in the top three in scoring every single week, though Stem has done it six times and Ed has done it five times.

I promise to do a "Top Ten" on the basketball preview results, but not everyone has handed in their poll data, apparently. So do that.

Football Power Rankings- 10/26

1. Cellar Dwellars (7-0) Last Week: 1st (-)

-Monster week in spite of a down week from Shaun Alexander. Takes sole possession of first place for the first time all year, and will have a tough game next week in a fight to stay there.

2. Madd Skillz (6-1) LW: 2nd (-)

-First loss of the year doesn't yield a drop, as they still have a three game advantage when it comes to a playoff spot. Can move back into first place with a win over CD next week.

3. Sex Panther (4-3) LW: 3rd (-)

-Easy win with a ton of fill-ins starting. 3 wins in a row, can pull away from the pack a bit with a win over FLW next week.

4. Blaine Browns (4-3) LW: 4th (-)

-High score of the week, and continues rolling through the down part of the schedule. Will need a some big step-up performances next week to keep the win streak alive; as all three starting RBs face a bye week.

5. Fred Lane's Wife (3-4) LW: 6th (+1)

-First mover in this weeks rankings; though not far. Upset SKL behind big games from Willie Parker and Ronnie Brown. Can get an even bigger boost by beating SP next week; but will have to do so Manning-less.

6. Father Abraham (3-4) LW: 5th (-1)

-Third straight loss leaves us no choice but to drop them again; but facing just one team with a winning record in the next 6 weeks leads us to believe they can come back.

7. ChamPeons (3-4) LW: 9th (+2)

-This move up is based solely on record. They have a great chance to get to .500 against a depleted BB squad- don't get ahead of yourself: this team has not been very good.

8. The Octagon (2-5) LW: 8th (-)

-Five losses in a row, though a chance to get healthy on a WIRM squad that has just been dreadful. Only two games out of a playoff spot, with half the games left.

9. Big Fat Guys (2-5) LW: 7th (-2)

-All momentum stopped with a loss against a beatable CHM club. A win keeps them in the playoff talk, while this loss has them looking like an also-ran. Will still be competitve most weeks.

10. Who is Ron Mexico? (1-6) LW: 10th (-)

-The real question is 'Who is Ron Mexico throwing to?' Ahman Green is out for the year, and so is their return on Antonio Gates. Would be deliriously happy with a win against OCT next week, but it won't happen.

Week seven recap

Scoop Jackson here. I want to write this reCap. And I’m going to. No one asked me to do so, but it ain’t mattering. I don’t need to be asked.

I just take.

This reCap is mine.

And if you have problems, you just are Hating. Hate. Ugly. Thing.

Hate. Moving ...

... forwards onto the matchups for Week 7/Seven.

==========

Fred Lane’s Wife: 105.75 points
Madd Skillz: 94.25 points

Game summary: The shock of the week here. Stunner. All week long, Skillz (I love the name) talk about how hard his matchup gonna be. People laugh. Point. No laughing, no pointing, no more. Andy Viano pulls out ice cold performances from his refrigerator from smooth Willie Parker, who glides down the field like butter on burnt toast. Toaster. Strudel. Skillz was tied down by Tomlinson not getting it going. When you depend on a cat for 20-and-beyond points per week and he throws up just thrice, it’ll drag you down. Deep. Skillz still in good position and FLW hanging around in the PoStseAsoN race.

Fred Lane’s Wife (3-4): Like I said, Willie is slick. Ronnie Brown, one mad half of those running Auburn boys keep dope-smokin Ricky’s ass glued to the bench. Elmer’s. Rookie is running hard and good in Miami. Kevin Curtis, who is white, helps the cause with a sweet 12 points outta the wideoutta position. And Peyton Manning, who also is white, ain’t doing his 2004 thang, but it’s good enough to get a win. He’ll have to do without The Man-ning next week against Sex Panther.

Madd Skillz (6-1): El-Dee-Tea is the story of the week here. What did those Iggles do? Gotta think that other teams around the League will be checking up on the footage, finding out how to at least slow down that Charger. They can’t. He’ll be back, no sweat. But maybe we can end those abSurD Walter Payton comparison for now – that ain’t happening. Domanickel Davis did blow up though, and will keep doing it. Only thing going on down in Houston right now. The ‘Nick. And Santana Moss keeps gettin’ JACKED on Sunday afternoon. I think we know who the real lar-sin-y of the draft was. Biggest game of the year coming up next Sunday. Skillz v. the Dwellers. Gonna be huge. Large. Not small.

==========

ChamPeons: 85.75
Big Fat Guys: 71.75

Game summary: We now humbly present the Roseanne Barr Ugly Matchup of the week. The Peons get themselves a win, but they do have the fewest point of all winners by 60 minus 40. I’m sure they’ll take it. The Champ don’t be picky. The big story is that Daunte Culpepper put up some big numbers finally. Good to see the Captain getting his roll on again. Both these clubs just loitering right now. Gotta be careful when loitering. The next two weeks will be huge for both squads -- lots to prove with time still left to make a run.

ChamPeons (3-4): Like I said, Doooontayyy got going again. That moldy defense in Green Bay might have something to do with it, but we’ll see how the purple Vike responds next week. Also gotta give it up for Jeremiah Trotter for a big defensive week. Trotting. Seems weird that a team gets a dub while only having three boys hit double digits. But like I said, the Champ ain’t picky. Chance to get back to Even Steven next week with another win, and with Blaine Browns missing his running back army, it could very well happen.

Big Fat Guys (2-5): How about my Chicago boy Thomas Jones? He running that Ray Lewis defense ragged was a thing to behold. The Brrrrrs are uniting the city of Big Damn Shoulders right now, sitting in first place in the North. Nice to see the South Side and the North Side Haters coming together behind a team. Other than Thomas Jones, not a good week for Bee-Eff-Gee. I love punctuation. Pung-choo-ay-shun. Grammar rules. Gramma ruse.

==========

Cellar Dwellers: 131.25 points
Who is Ron Mexico?: 69.25 points

Game summary: The Stem Train is still gaining steam. Hot. I think we even gotta upgrade them from train to Monorail. Like one of the crazy Japanese ones that floats above the track and hisses around Mount Fujijakawakama. Ssssssssss. They that crazy good. And Ron Mexico’s boys keep doing the Struggle thing, and things might just get badder for the boys with Ahman Green down and out for the year. Ouch.


Cellar Dwellers (7-0): Consiztent. We’re just living in your world, bro. That’s how Stem Cell wants it.

Who is Ron Mexico (1-6): Some words for ya: Glass. Lamp. Nose. Giggles. Photos. Kick. Socks. Trachea. Paper mache. Toiled. Calendar. Pavement. Turtle. Broadway. I’m sure ya’ll can make the connection.


==========

Sex Panther: 134 points
Father Abraham: 69.75 points

Game summary: Late wounds forced Sexy Panther to fill some holes with some spackle players. He licked ‘em. Then ticked ‘em. Finally above FIVE HUNDY, he’ll try to continue his playoff run. The Father of Our Country had a down week, and continues to be inconsistent. Up and down. Spotty. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Unpredictable. Lots of points some week, few points in others. Like several teams, though, he’s hanging around. But this matchup was over by mid-afternoon Sunday.

Sex Panther (4-3): All about the Clinton this week, tearing up a straight empty pockets 4-9-ers defenz with three jaunts into the painted zone of pimpin. George Clinton. Bill Clinton. Clinton Portis. No Haters here. And plenty of running room on the green because of it. And The Predator won’t admit it, but he be frolickin when pass-happy Mike Martz hit the hospital. He’s going to jet up the Nelly-City-Turf for the rest of the year, hitting holes harder than ... shit, I don’t know. I ain’t no Ralph Wiley.

Father Abraham (3-4): Week started off good under Friday Night Lights with a big game from Priest Holmes. But the Midland-Odessa start stopped cold as only McNabb was able to find double digits after that. Gets a blow next week with a winnable game against the Fat Men, and has a chance to leap back into things. Hop. Jump. Though he isn’t out. No way. Can’t count the eldest out. Gotta have respect.

==========

Blaine Brown: 144.25 points
The Octagon: 109 points


Game summary: Former roommates do battle and both perform admirably. Big points difference, but can’t fault one-oh-nine from the Brew fan. BB is shooting up in the standings and has overcome his miserable start. He’s right there. The eight-sided clan is headed the other way, but a few wins puts him back in the battlefield.

Blaine Browns (4-3): Gonna have to find some natural resourceful next week when he’ll miss his trio of halfbacks. I’d suggest coal, if you listening. But notched another one in the left column here with a dominating effort. The Edge will cut you up with the other Colts coming up lame right now. Gotta love the spins. New school cool.

The Octagon (2-5): I refuse to talk about this team, because the owner is so much better than I am at what I do. And I’m threatened.

Until next time, I’m Angry with all of you.

Open thread: Week Seven

I'm at work on a Saturday night and in the past four hours I've consumed two quarter-pounders, a large milkshake, fries, nine Oreos, a bag of Fritos, a Milky Way and three Mountain Dews. And somehow, it has led to a level of editing productivity heretofore unseen.

I guess I probably also wanted to start this thread before I die.

So with that said, good luck to everyone tomorrow.

Post away and go Bears (and Mr. Gunslinger, Billy Volek).

Week 7 Preview

Game of the Week

Sex Panther (-2*) vs. Father Abraham

*Spread adjusted for FA max production, as lineup unset as of writing...Third straight week in the spotlight for FA, third straight week playing a top three teams in the standings...Battle of two of the three teams currently tied (record-wise) for the final two playoff spots...The Gun is 2-0 lifetime against Lincoln

News and Notes, SP

With Marc Bulger sidelined, Eli becomes the latest owner to jump on the Aaron Brooks Bandwagon (making him 5th, I believe). The only difference is that Brooks has finally had a good game...Aaron is projected to score 20+ points this week; and very well could. Problem is, he could score -5 as well...With Cadillac Williams hurt, the established running backs of SP (MaGahee, Portis, Jackson) have taken back the spotlight, and performed admirably...Reggie Wayne had his biggest game of the year last week, and lines up against the Texans this week. He and Torry Holt make one of the best 1-2 wideout tandems in the league...Key Players on Bye Week: Cadillac Williams/Michael Pittman

News and Notes, FA

Donovan McNabb and Anquan Boldin return, but Stephen Davis is on bye, marking the third straight week that FA misses a key player due to a bye...The keeper receivers on this team are killing them, with Joe Horn unable to play a full game, and Muhsin Muhammed off last year's pace by like 10 TDs...Jamal Lewis remains a mystery, but if he ever returns to form, the RBs on this team are fierce and are all past their byes after this week...What can this team expect from Ricky Williams? He is the most intriguing wild card for the rest of the season...KPOBW: Stephen Davis,

Prediction: Joe Horn is again uncertain to play, and the RB spot that Davis opens up is vacant unless Ricky Williams does something great. Provided Aaron Brooks puts up a positive number, SP wins again.

The 2 Spot

Blaine Browns (-15) vs. The Octagon

Two teams, two directions...The Browns have won three straight and have no reason not to be thinking playoffs, while OCT has dropped four straight, and are wondering what the rest of the season holds...Last week had some serious Monday Night Thunder, but watch here as BB sends three key offensive players out late on Monday (C. Martin, W. Dunn, A. Crumpler)...The former roomates split last year's season series, with JR taking the most recent matchup

News and Notes, BB

Drew gets his best wide receivers back this week, to add to what has been the best RB corp in the league the last two weeks...This team is in the lighter part of their schedule, and they'll need every win they can get as they lineup against CD, SKL and SP in weeks 11-13...Donald Driver can go a long way in negating a big day from OCT starter Brett Farve...Edgerrin James has been out of his mind recently...Added Marshall Faulk this week, a good depth building move...KPOBW: None

News and Notes, OCT

JR has seen enough of Trent Green, and now Farve takes control of this club...Bolstered the running game this week, getting two Smiths (hot-handed Antowain and Jimmy) for a Ward (Hines) and a Perry (Chris)...Theoretically, Smith adds more stability to the linuep, being a starter, and Jimmy Smith can be productive as well...A good move for both teams...It's hard to read this team; they are pretty talented, but their point totals reached a high point in their first loss, and have dropped every week since then. I think they'll bounce back; but don't know when...KPOBW: Jimmy Smith

Prediction: While OCT will bounce back, now is not the time as all of BB's players are playing well, and Terrell Owens is due for a monster week.

Game #3

Madd Skillz (-20) vs. Fred Lane's Wife

A real tough matchup for the men of Schillinger, who continue to overcome adversity and killer matchups seemingly on a weekly basis...Viano has a chance to send a message early, as Ronnie Brown takes the field on Friday...Owners are 1-1 lifetime against one another

News and Notes, SKL

Has been fortunate so far not to have any bad bye weeks; has two bad ones on the schedule, though this is the far lesser of the two...Laverneus Coles returns to the lineup for the first time since Chad Pennington went down early in the season...Matt Hasselbeck has manned the QB spot competently and consistently, but will need to stop giving Shaun Alexander every Seahawk TD if he is going to merit his lofty draft status...Santana Moss is proving to be one of the better waiver pickups of the year, though he certainly hit his ceiling last week...KPOBW: Steve Smith, Fred Taylor, Tom Brady

News and Notes, FLW

Was the other half of OCT's trade...Has revamped the running game, while trying to add a spark to his receiving corps. Hines Ward's health is the only question coming out of that trade. 1st round pick Ronnie Brown assumes the RB1 duties, while Tatum Bell serves as a solid RB2. Chris Perry and Willie Parker make for a solid RB rotation...WRs have been devastated by injuries, but adding Ward and Joey Galloway this week will help- provided Galloway can get along without Brian Greise...Kevin Curtis is Brandon Stokley Lite (that is, Stokley of last year); a guy in a big offense who could get the call any given week...KPOBW: Corey Dillon, Joey Galloway

Batting Cleanup

Big Fat Guys vs. Champeons (-4)

With a win, BFG can move ahead of an established team in the standings for the first time ever...Champ seemed to get his club on track last week, putting up over 90 points, but has a lot of work to do before being considered playoff contenders again...Champ is 0-4 when scoring less than 100 points, while Baron lost the only game he ever put up triple digits...This game has 6 Cowboys in starting spots and NONE OF THEM ARE NAMED JULIUS JONES; how the hell does that happen?...First Meeting between these two franchises

News and Notes, BFG

Although the Carson Palmer/Marc Bulger trades have had good returns early for BFG, I will say right now that the trade they move this week (that helps them none in terms of early returns) is by far their best move of the year...Acquired Deuce McAllister for Joey Galloway- which looks like a poor deal for Viano until you realize that with the eventual emergence of Ronnie Brown, he'll have one less keeper spot open...Anyway, back to Baron- McAllister gives this team a bonafide stud back, assuming he comes back healthy in 2006, and all it cost was a non-keeper WR who's effectiveness will likely drop without his QB healthy...playing kind of a crapshoot at RB again, with Marion Barber and Dominic Rhodes at RB2 and RB3- might be better off with McAllister in there...KPOBW: DeShaun Foster, Alex Smith (TE)

News and Notes, CHM

Bad news on the two men haunting the dreams of America's Favorite Caveman Mike Tice; Randy Moss is hurting, and Daunte Culpepper still sucks...Champion has plenty of QB and WR options, though none with the potential of the aforementioned duo...Toss in the injury to Julius Jones and it's easy to see why this team is struggling...Shawn Bryson is a nice gamble at Flex...With three straight losses, it's safe to say (with BB on deck) that CHM needs this win about as bad as they're going to need any this season...KPOBW: None

Prediction: In the upset of the week, BFG gets a win, and demands to be included in any playoff discussions henceforth.

The 5 Hole

Cellar Dwellars (-29.50) vs. Who is Ron Mexico?

Biggest gap in wins we've seen so far...matchup may miss three of it's best players...WIRM's week 2 upset of SP was the biggest upset in VUFSA history...A win here tops that...First meeting between the two franchises

News and Notes, CD

Team has doubled their win total from last season...With both established QBs on a bye, Mark Brunell goes from waiver wire to starter on a first place team and has a great matchup against the 49ers...If Kevin Jones doesn't play, it probably won't matter, as Shaun Alexander will just score an extra 14 points to make up for it...Neil Rackers is back, and that's bad news for WIRM...Oh yeah, Larry Fitzgerald is too...KPOBW: Jake Delhomme, Byron Leftwich, David Givens

News and Notes, WIRM

As poorly as they've performed, this roster has a lot of good young talent; Eli Manning, Michael Clayton, Ahman Green and Jerramy Stevens are all nice players...Mike Anderson looks like he's being fazed out in Denver, which is terrible news for an already shaky RB corps...Ahman Green is a wild card- will he ever return to stud status? If he does, this will be the week (after a bye, and before the bye, his backup scored 2x in a game that saw his team score 52)...I have a feeling this will be the week they regret not gambling on Brandon Stokley...KPOBW: Michael Clayton

Prediction: CD wins, and if SKL can come through we have an epic matchup queued up for next week.

Football Power Rankings- 10/19

How can you follow up the busiest day in VUFSA blog history? I mean, a semi-comprehensive draft review, a top ten dedicated to one player in the least popular sport and an unfinished, unfunny recap- that's a tough act to follow. On to the rankings...

1. Cellar Dwellars (6-0) Last Week 1st (-)

-Still just rolling along- no has really even challenged them since the first two weeks of the season. Shaun Alexander is unfathomable and WIRM is on deck; look for the #1 rank to stay theirs for a while yet.

2. Madd Skillz (6-0) LW: 2nd (-)

-This undefeated team leads the league in scoring by a considerable margin- and put up a monster week for their first high week of the season. Why not number one? You just can't punish Stem considering how well his team has played. I would like to say the #1 debate will be settled in week 8, but SKL has an awfully tough game this week against FLW.

3. Sex Panther (3-3) LW: 3rd (-)

-Marc Bulger's injury certainly isn't good- but this team has enough firepower to overcome it. Steve McNair steps into the lineup and will have to produce as SP misses two starters to bye weeks next week.

4. Blaine Browns (3-3) LW: 5th (+1)

-Their record does not at all accurately reflect how good this team is. Their performance in the last three weeks does. I would say there could be a race for the #1 seed, but with two different teams already having three games in hand, second can be considered a realistic goal for a team like this, as well as SP.

5. Father Abraham (3-3) LW: 4th (-1)

-The fall has been gradual so far, again, amidst a brutal schedule. The slide would certainly continue should this club stumble again next weekend. It's perfectly acceptable to lose to CD, SKL (and possibly SP) in consecutive weeks- but doing so (would) severely handicap(s) this club's playoff run. Is it too early to call next week a must win for FA? Probably, but I will anyway.

6. Fred Lane's Wife (2-4) LW: 7th (+1)

-This is the part of the rankings I can't understand. FLW has been brutal the last two weeks, and the club is hobbled all over; yet, I put them up one notch. Something about this team tells me they're not done. Thanks to Tatum Bell, the running attack is again formidable, and the WR corps has been rebuilt. I smell an upset next week, and I see another team staying in the chase for a long time.

7. Big Fat Guys (2-4) LW: 8th (+1)

-Slowly this team is climbing up the hill. If their owner is any indication, I'd say they're working up a mighty sweat in doing so. Seriously, has there ever been a team playing as high above expecations as this team has the last few weeks? I apologize for ever assuming Baron would be an easy win, and no team will look forward to playing him (admit it- at one point you were dying to see him next on the schedule.)

8. The Octagon (2-4) LW: 6th (-2)

-This was a toss-up between OCT and CHM- and a recent trade with FLW strengthened OCT enough to give them the nod. Oddly enough, they haven't won a game since the much discussed Brian Westbrook trade that was so incredibly one-sided. Since the trade, OCT is 0-4, while BFG is 2-2. JR had a furious finish to last season (winning 5 of 7 and advancing to the championship) so while recent history might say that they're done, I don't think that's the case at all.

9. ChamPeons (2-4) LW: 9th (-)

-Despite the loss, they seem back on track. A loss isn't enough to get them out of the nine spot- a convincing win is needed for that. I don't put them back in the playoff discussion yet, they have to play their way back for that. Randy Moss needs to be healthy.

10. Who is Ron Mexico? (1-5) LW: 11th (+1)

-Breaking 50 is enough to get them back into 10th, and that's just sad on so many levels. While the team is chock full of keeper possibilities, their near future is murky. I will say this: this team wins at least one (probably two) more times, and it will have a big impact on the playoff picture.

-------------------

An update on Expected Win Total, the stat that Baron likes waaaay more than JR's luck index (though I think the luck index is smart and fairly telling). Again, you get an expected win when your team finishes in the top 5 in the league for any given week.

Team- EWT (actual wins)

CD- 6 (6)
BB- 6 (3)
SKL- 5 (6)
SP- 4 (3)
FA- 2 (3)
FLW- 2 (2)
CHM- 2 (2)
BFG- 2 (2)
WIRM- 1 (1)
OCT- 0 (2)

Upon further review, I now see a serious flaw in the Luck Index. According to it, Stem is 6x luckier than JR, despite deserving a win every single week. JR (luck index +1) has not deserved a win in any week, but is barely above zero despite winning twice. Half of the league has won exactly as many games as they should have, and 3 are lucky/unlucky by just one tally. Baron has not been any luckier than Viano or Champ, as the LI would have you believe. It all evens out somewhere, except for Drew.

That being said, there is some merit in the Luck Index and I think with one or two tweaks, it could be an awesome stat.

VUFSA: Week 6

Internet's back! I have to go to work now though!

=============

Madd Skillz: 157.25
Father Abraham: 87.75

Game summary: This game started off seeing neither team gain a big edge. Something happened on the way to a VUFSA classic: SKL got 3 late touchdowns in the noon games and took control. LaDanian Tomlinson started scoring shortly after 3pm and didn't stop until the game was in hand.

Madd Skillz (6-0): Got an absurd week from the WR positions, with Steve Smith's 15 points representing the low point amongst Schillinger's starting trio, with Santana Moss' 25 proving the most eye-popping. A late touchdown pushed Rudi Johnson's total to 14.50, something worth of RB2 status. A late scratch of Fred Taylor left the team scrambling for a Flex replacement, and Antonio Bryant didn't really satisfy. LaDanian Tomlinson provided a serviceable total. Good production on the bench again, as Todd Heap scores, and Tom Brady throws for almost 300 yards. Next week: Fred Lane's Wife

Father Abraham (3-3): Jake Plummer filled in admirably for the bye-weeked Donovan McNabb, and actually performed better than McNabb did last week. Any worries about Priest Holmes' diminished touches from earlier in the year should be washed away by now- he's still one of the world's best players. Jason Witten continues to play well, but that trifecta (Plummer, Holmes and Witten) were the only Abrahams to hit double digits. Disappointing weeks from Stephen Davis, Jamal Lewis and the injured Joe Horn contributed to FA's misery this week. If this club really does "go as Ricky Williams go" then they may only go three yards at a time for a while. Next week: Sex Panther

===========

Fred Lane's Wife: 67.50
Cellar Dwellars: 118.75

Game Summary: Another game that started without either team asserting itself, CD finally seized control late in the day thanks to 20 points from LaMont Jordan and another monster week from Shaun Alexander. Ronnie Brown helped keep FLW in early, but his performance would turn out to be the high point, the only non-QB to score a TD in FLW's lineup.

Fred Lane's Wife (2-4): Key to this output is simple. Corey Dillon and Jerome Bettis (starters): 0 points. Antowain Smith and Tatum Bell (bench): 36.50 points. There's good news there; that the bench backs are performing, but that is no consolation in a lineup that was pretty barren this week. Next Week: Madd Skillz

Cellar Dwellars (6-0): Apparently, the Houston Texans have done some sort of personal harm to Shaun Alexander. Heading into Sunday Night's tilt, Stem had a comfortable lead with essentially Peyton Manning and Alexander going heads up. Alexander ended any hope of a comeback pretty quickly. LaMont Jordan continues his "best RB2" campaign. Kevin Jones on the other hand, is strug-uh-ling. David Givens gave a great performance as a Flex Fill-in, making Larry Fitzgerald's absence tolerable. Plaxico Burress and Jerry Porter returned to the lineup and showed how CD won without them last week. Next Week: Who is Ron Mexico?

===========

Sex Panther: 113.00
ChamPeons: 96.50

Game Summary: Thunder, lots and lots of thunder.

Sex Panther (3-3): Everyone knew it but him. Next week: Father Abraham.

ChamPeons (2-4): The preview asked why Champ didn't start Daunte Culpepper. Now we know. Not so long ago, Culpepper for Clinton Portis was absurd- now it looks like Champ gave up too much. On the bright side, this was a very good week for CHM. Chris Brown, Rod Smith, and Eric Moulds stepped up and had big games, while Mewelde Moore was able to contribute. On a week without a real spectacular performance, CHM was able to post a very good week, and will pause the talk that this team isn't very good. Next week: Big Fat Guys

===========

Big Fat Guys: 96.75
The Octagon: 83.75

Game Summary: This was the best game in the VUFSA this week. The two teams got off to the fastest, and highest scoring starts, and had an intriguing ending heading into monday night. The balance of power shifted Baron's way early when Thomas Jones was inserted into the Bears starting lineup, giving Baron's barren RB spots some hope. Trent Green found his way to the field this week, but could not matchup with former backup Carson Palmer.

Big Fat Guys (2-4): Thomas Jones' mere presence in the lineup was a huge life, not to mention his actual performance. Jones, Palmer and the recently dealt Joey Galloway made for an excellent skill position trio for the expansion BFGs. Got another outstanding output despite a negative number from an RB and a Flex guy who's only stat was a tackle. Big boost from Brian Urlacher and Rian Lindell helped as well. Next week: Champeons

The Octagon (2-4): Trent Green is still alive, but authorities are still looking for (presumed deceased) Tony Gonzalez. Chris Perry is becoming an every week solid play, especially in the Flex spot. Something has happened to Tiki Barber, but on the bright side, it has happened to Jamal Lewis as well, so Chester Taylor is playing well. Antwaan Randle El made the loss of Hines Ward tolerable. Next Week: Blaine Browns

===========

Blaine Browns: 125.50
Who Is Ron Mexico?: 61.50

Game Summary: Not exactly a convincing Sunday performance from the Wolfman's club, but the floundering Mexicos had just one man score in double figures to offset that. Warrick Dunn had a big game for BB, leading to a goose egg from TJ Duckett on WIRM's starting lineup. The much anticipated Drew Bennett-Nick Goings slugfest went in favor of Bennett, 7-3.

Blaine Browns (3-3): Three wins in a row, and this squad has finally clawed to .500. The recipe for their success is the same as it was for last year's playoff team; the strength of their top three backs. Warrick Dunn is having an oustanding year, and we can all stop worrying about Curtis Martin now. Unfortunately, those same running backs share the same bye week; you're welcome Champ. Drew Brees continues to competently man the QB spot, and though byes forced BBs top WR out of action, it didn't hurt too bad that none of their replacements were a little stinky. Next Week: The Octagon

Who is Ron Mexico (1-5): Remember week 2 when they were the suprise team in the league? When they beat SP and almost took out FA before an inevitable win against BFG? Well that inevitable win turned to a punch-in-the-stomach loss on Monday night and sent this team into a tailspin. They set a record in futility the week after, and though they were able to bounce back this week, they sit in last place 6 weeks in. Joe Jurevicius was, again, a very good pickup, but he can't overcome the lack of production from the rest of the receivers on this team. Li'l Eli Manning had his first small game in a while, so the battle between him and Michael Vick- not only for a starting spot, for a keeper slot as well- is alive. Next week: Cellar Dwellars

Top Ten Smacks On Shaq

Hello my awful, awful bitches. I hate all of you. I hate fantasy football. I also hate the top ten lists, as they were a relic from a time when I enjoyed fantasy sports, intead of hating them so much. In my more optimistic days, I wrote a Top Ten praising the efforts of Ken LaVicka and Dave Tomke (mostly Tomke) for their shrewd moves to earn a win in the football standings. Now, of course, I'm hoping to stay ahead of Tomke as his team and mine have both gone downhill in a hurry.

It's probably because I was too nice that I propped up the "Top Ten Reasons for KAA Relevancy." Now, because Tomke is hateful and because I am a bitter, bitter, terrbily fucking bitter man, I'm going to destroy them. Hide your eyes if you're faint of heart.

The basketball draft is on the horizon this weekend, and I'm looking forward to defending my title in that competition. Of course, I'm sure to finish second to last. But not last, because as we learned in the expansion portion of the draft, Tomke selected Shaquille O'Neal with the first choice, shunning the "exposed" keepers from other teams and going from the general pool.

What an awful awful thing to do. Here are the Top Ten Smacks on Shaq.

10. Shaq has lost his fucking mind. Well, this isn't really a good reason, just something that's evidenced by his weirdo interviews, such as the one where he suggested Erick Dampier should be playing in the WNBA. The guy is bonkers, and at some point, that act goes from cute (when you're dominant) to tiresome (when you're not) and players start to get extra fired up to kick your ass. Not that they shouldn't be already, but it makes matters worse if they actually can beat him.

9. There were better centers available. You want a center? Take Yao Ming or Brad Miller or Emeka Okafor. All are at least comparable to what O'Neal will do, if not better from a fantasy standpoint, and all are ranked ahead of him except Okafor, who will at least be the focal point of the Charlotte Bobcats and will thus have neverending opportunities to put up numbers. The track record definitely belongs to O'Neal, but those players certainly figure to have better overall seasons.

8. He's getting old. He's 33 years old, and though he was second in the MVP voting last year, every stat category was below is career norms, though not by much. They'll go down even more this year, most likely, especially since he's through with that being fired up in a new setting thing. His free throw percentage floated around the .460's last year, which is particularly troubling because it's a free 6-8 points a night otherwise.

7. LaTomke hasn't even registered for the league yet. As of now, Baron Brendel has a first-week bye.

6. The dude is 340 pounds. They're praising this as an increase in muscle after he slimmed down a lot a year ago, but since this is 15 pounds heavier than he's ever been, I would have to think his mobility and very likely his stamina (on the court) will be down from previous seasons. There's no doubt he will have games of utter domination. But will he have a full, decent fantasy season at that weight?

5. They took the wrong O'Neal. Jermaine O'Neal is one of the league's blossomed superstars, at the peak of his career, and to pass on him (which Baron Brendel also did, admittedly) was pure silliness, as they will never have a chance to get a player of that caliber again. If they really wanted a big man, which is understandale, the exposed Yao Ming or, to a lesser extent, Chris Bosh would have been equally as good selections. As it stands, Andrew Stem has by far the best keepers in America with the right O'Neal, Kobe Bryant and Dwyane Wade. Breathtaking.

4. Shaq isn't even the best player on his own team. Dwyane Wade is quickly becoming the focal point of the Miami offense, and figures to have one of the best five or six fantasy seasons of any player out there. That significantly hurts Shaq's status in Miami's plans, and it allows the team to be more careful with Shaq's constant ailments and not focus the entire offense on him. If you had to pick one player to start your team, you would hopefully have someone who is the focal point of someone's offense. A deep frontcourt in Miami could also mean more time resting the Diesel.

3. He has owies. Shaq played in 74 games last year, which was actually more than he had played in several previous seasons, but he missed a lot of time down the stretch with leg problems and an arthritic toe. That sounds small, but it could be a recurring reason to keep Shaq in compliance with the new dress code from time to time while the team is on the floor. You simply can't expect him to play full-time.

2. Don't you want a keeper? This is a keeper league, and even if he has a decent season, he can't be automatically relied upon anymore to be a definite keeper beyond this season. There's no question that the expansion teams are at a disadvantage, but maybe less so in this sport where the rosters are smaller. You have to make that expansion pick one that will be held onto for a long period of time and can help draw even with other teams on the map already.

1. It's bad expansion strategy. Tomke and friends will have the first overall choice in the draft, which means every player in the non-keeper pool will be available to them. I believe they have the first pick, so the only reason for taking Shaq (already in that main pool) in the expansion draft is if you believe a) he's the best player out there, period and b) there's another player in the main draft that is the second best player out there, period. There's no way the entire staff of exposed keepers is behind the next-best player in the general pool. Taking Shaq first overall in the regular draft would be completely understandable, and very good in fact, if accompanied by an already-acquired Jermaine O'Neal or Ray Allen.

Served.

Draft Day 2006

(It is my understanding that Internet difficulties are going to delay the week 6 recap. Therfore, I offer my weekly ramblings earlier than normal to soothe that burning feeling in your chest you are getting from a lack of VUFSA blog writings...also might be a heart attack)

Sure it's hardly midway through the regular season, but it's still fun to go back and look at the draft. Who has been a bust? Who has performed up to par? Who was THE STEAL OF THE DRAFT?

Busts:
-Nate Burleson WR-Min
Didn't have to look far for bust number one. The first overall pick of the draft has 6 catches for 93 yards. Chris Perry, a backup running back, caught 3 more passes for 1 more TD just this past week. Burleson has hurt owner Baron Brendel and really it's all "Mindfreak" Mike Tice's sexboat shenanagans' fault (really, I just like working Mike Tice into all of my posts).

-Trent Green QB-KC
The 9th overall pick was JR Radcliffe's first selection. Brett Farve is The Octagon's starting QB these days as Green has struggled managing just 4 TD passes in 6 weeks of action. At the time, Mr. Radcliffe thought very highly of Green prompting the aforementioned famous phrase that has haunted The Octagon ever since.

-JJ Arrington RB-Ari
The 14th overall selection of the draft did nothing to help JR's franchise as Arrington rushed for just 5 yards for The Octagon before being tossed into waiver wire obscurity. In an offense that thinks pass before thinking pass again, Arrington burned Radcliffe's squad, which combined with the Green selection has buried The Octagon to the bottom of the standings.

-Brandon Stokley WR-Ind
Who Is Ron Mexico opted for the Colts' wideout with their second overall pick. Stokley still has yet to find the end zone and suffers from being white. Some 100 picks later, LaTomke selected Brandon Lloyd who has 113 more yards and 3 more TDs. Whoops.

-Dallas Clark TE-Ind
Another victim of the Colts' surprising defense over offense approach, Clark was a bust for injury plagued Fred Lane's Wife who could have used some healthy help. 10 catches for 101 yards in 5 weeks with a FLW uniform (prison jump suits?) led owner Andy Viano to cut his losses and flush Clark down the toilet.

Alright, enough negativity. What were some moments than made owners smile? For me, it was this fantastic sequence.

Indibrown: deion branch is lincoln's
Indibrown: champ
EddieSchill: no
Vaitrucci: I took Deion Branch
BrewFan101: branch already taken
CubbieBear02: I'll hold
CubbieBear02: Don't start the clock
EddieSchill: STOP TYPING HERE
Indibrown: whoops, try again
BrewFan101: oompa loompa oompidy do. someone is anal, that someone is you

At least JR's draft wasn't a total bust.

Other happy moments:

Terry Glenn WR-Dal
The 154th pick in the draft was 5th from last overall yet has managed to anchor The Big Fat Guys' wide receiver staff. 29 catches, 582 yards, and 3 TDs good enough for 7th best wide reciever in all of fantasy sports.

Joey Galloway WR-Tam
Brendel's fantastic drafting of wideouts late in the draft is a big part of his recent surge. Galloway was the first pick of the 13th round, and he's one spot ahead of Glenn in Yahoo's overall WR rankings. 31 catches, 499 yards, and 4TDs is not too bad for this second of Brendel's Ohio State crew who eventually turned into RB keeper Deuce McCallister.

Drew Bledsoe QB-Dal
Pick 108 was supposed to be a backup QB but instead has become the fourth best player in all of fantasy and second best QB in the league. The Champeons did well in getting Bledsoe who has thrown for 1,663 yards and 11TDs.

Steve Smith WR-Car
The 12th overall pick was a bit of a gamble for Madd Skillz. Smith was coming off a serious injury and while his success hasn't been all unforeseen, owner Ed Schillinger has to be thrilled with 7 TD catches.

Timmy Chang QB-Hawaii
143 selection overall delighted the rest of the league, but not so much for the present co-owners.

Now some fun facts about who was picked ahead of who.

-Drew Bennett (Blaine Browns) 7 rounds ahead of Keenan McCardell (Blaine Browns)
-Chris Brown (Champeons) ahead of Cadillac Williams (Sex Panther)
-Aaron Brooks (Blaine Browns) ahead of Carson Palmer (The Octagon)
-Duce Staley (Champeons) ahead of Ruben Droughns (Blaine Browns) ahead of Cedric Benson (The Octagon) ahead of Larry Johnson (Madd Skillz)
-Jason Witten (Father Abraham) ahead of Jeremy Shockey (Champeons) ahead of Alge Crumpler (Blaine Browns) ahead of Todd Heap (Madd Skillz) .....all in round 3
-A guy definitely related to JJ Putz was the fourth to last pick. Jeb Putzier (Big Fat Guys) is currently a free agent.

Open Thread: Week 6

Well this is nice. Andre Johnson and Hines Ward out. Brian Westbrook, Kevan Barlow and LJ Smith on bye. Fred Taylor out, so Baron gets to use his backup. Thomas Jones in for Baron, so I don't get to use his backup.

Baron, my friends, just became the favorite. What's new in your world?

Week 6 Preview

Shorter than normal preview this week because...well, I didn't have time to really write a lot. Especially after I forgot about it until Thursday.

Game of the Week

Madd Skillz (-38*) vs. Father Abraham

After further review, per last week's spread comment: it's not a leaguewide problem, Yahoo just overrates most of the players of SKL's team (14 points for Rudi Johnson? He hasn't hit double digits since week 1)...*spread adjusted for FA optimum output, as lineups are not set as of the time of writing...Both teams in this game in the middle of a "prove it" stretch- FA faces CD, SKL, and SP in consecutive weeks while SKL faces FA, FLW, CD and SP in a 5 week span...Only matchup between two teams in the top 5 in the standings...Souzek is 2-0 lifetime vs. Schillinger

News and Notes, SKL

Second monster week of the season last week, despite having 2 of their top 3 scorers on the bench...Holds 3rd and 5th highest weekly output through 5 weeks, yet neither was a high score; both times SP had enough to beat them...Domanick Davis played a great game and didn't even score a touchdown, will he finally break out consistently?...Steve Smith is working out better than anyone expected...Ed Reed is quiet- too quiet...Still probably has the deepest team in the league, and that will help get through all bye week trouble until week 10...Key Players on Bye Week: None.

News and Notes, FA

Wasn't up to the challenge of Cellar Dwellars last week with just 5.25 from their best two players (McNabb, Holmes- who was on a bye)...Will the team step up as the spotlight shines on them again?...Anquan Boldin is another guy (like the aforementioned Smith) that no one expected to be this good...Despite McNabb's greatness, Stephen Davis' performances have played a bigger role in FA's victories...Could get a tremendous boost at the RB spot now that Ricky Williams is suiting up once more...Jamal Lewis' recent success is scary to the other 9 owners right now...KPOBW: Donovan McNabb, Anquan Boldin

The 2 Spot

Fred Lane's Wife vs. Cellar Dwellars (-6.5)

Just the second time (since week 1 vs. Big Fat Guys) that CD has been favored...Just 4 players in this matchup predicted to break double digits...Both teams making nice waiver moves this week, FLW getting Ben Troupe and CD nabbing JJ Arrington...Andy Viano in the record books again last week; setting a new record for fewest points in a win...Viano is 2-0 lifetime against Stem

News and Notes, FLW

Already mentioned pithy output in last week's win; but most of that can be attributed to injuries...the rest can be attributed to Peyton Manning's underachieving...Win can be attributed to Dave and Kenny...It's probably painful to relive, but injuries have decimated this club: Javon Walker and Duece McAllister have matching ACLs (torn) while Darrell Jackson is out for another 6 games possibly- and no one knows what is wrong with Corey Dillon...Add Peyton's sucky and you all of a sudden have a terrible set of keepers...All things considered, this team can still win games; Pittsburgh running game is formidable, while Ronnie Brown could blossom into a solid RB2- and any receiver (maybe not Eric Parker) can have a big day...To rule them out is ludicrous...When will Tatum Bell move into the starting lineup?...KPOBW: None (unless you count the perma-byes of McAllister and Walker)

News and Notes, CD

Smack talk "do you believe in unliklihoods?" is fitting...It's obscene to imagine the league's doormat dominating like they are, but I can't say I'm totally suprised...Keepers were iffy at QB and WR- but when you add LaMont Jordan, and Larry Fitzgerald in the first two rounds to the kept RBs (S. Alexander and K. Jones) you have a real good core. When Jake Delhomme is on, it's a scary good team...This might be the second deepest team in the league...I think that Plaxico Burress' performance in a given week dictates more of the outcome than Alexander's, if that makes sense...KPOBW: Larry Fitzgerald

Prediction: Kevin Jones (3 tds in last 2 game) running well spells doom for FLW, who for the first time in a long time, can't match a 1-2 punch in the running game. CD wins, who's got next?

Game #3

Sex Panther (-23) vs. Champeons

Thunder will never again roar as loud as it will in this game, as SP sends Marc Bulger, Torry Holt, Steven Jackson, Reggie Wayne, Mike Vanderjagt and the league's #1 defender out into battle on Monday night...CHM is done after 3p Sunday...Champ and Gun split last year's series- with Gun setting the bar for high scores (172.75) in week 7's win

News and Notes, SP

Cadillac Williams is stuck in neutral this week, so if it looks like he won't cruise out of the garage on Sunday. If so, will SP put him in park?...Seriously, Caddy is a gametime decision, which hurts because Frank Gore is on a bye week...Shouldn't matter much, as SP has an advantage(some significant) at every position except WR1...New acquisition Clinton Portis played well against one former team last week, and will matchup against another former club this week (CHM, that is)...Other new acquisition Najeh Davenport worked out well last week as well, but don't expect another performance like that for the rest of the year...KPOBW: Frank Gore

News and Notes, CHM

I'm first guessing here- why isn't Champ playing Daunte Culpepper? If we have learned anything this year, it's that no single player has beaten Eli more times than Daunte has...Seriously though folks- I'm doing a complete 180. I was pimping ChamPeons as a playoff caliber team three weeks ago, and now I'm saying this is their last stand. Another pissy performance and I count them out...Tyson Thompson had a nice fill-in week last week, but is still projected to score less than 0 this week in place of Julius Jones...That is why spreads are stupid...Don't point out that I still use them...Amos Zeroue gets the nod at flex this week...Yuck...KPOBW: None

Prediction: SP wins, and afterwards Cadillac Williams drives over to Daunte Culpepper in the loser's locker room and pees on him. Yeah, pees on him. Being a member of the Vikings, Daunte would probably enjoy that kinky shit.

Batting Cleanup

Big Fat Guys vs. The Octagon (-24)

OCT is falling, while BFG is on the rise...Do I smell an upset...(no)...The fiercest receiving corps in the league takes on the most suprising in this matchup...Carson Palmer has his chance at revenge against a team that dealt him away...Baron has gotten 2 votes in this matchup? We know one is his, but still...First Meeting between the two franchises

News and Notes, BFG

Strong performances streak will likely stall as the RB corps of BFG has died...Thomas Jones is out (and remember, it only took Marc Freaking Bulger to pry him away from the Gun) which swings the balance in a huge way, as OCT holds (and is starting) his backup, Cedric Benson...Is it wrong to say that 10 combined points from RBs 1-3 would be better than expected?...Again, Baron is disrespected as his injury problems are overshadowed by those of FLW...I shouldn't write them off entirely, as they shouldn't have been close last week and almost won...If Brendan Jacobs steals Tiki's TDs and if Hines Ward doesn't play and if Terry Glenn and if Joey Galloway and if Carson Palmer...we're asking for a lot then, aren't we?...KPOBW: None (though Thomas Jones is injured)

News and Notes, OCT

New look at RB as Cedric Benson and Chester Taylor enter the fray and start in place of Kevan Barlow and Brian Westbrook (so at least Baron traded him to a team that couldn't hurt him, kind of)...The sort of simmering TE controversy doesn't matter this week, because LJ Smith is on a bye- but Tony Gonzalez probably starts anyway...Still waiting for TSOTD! (the steal of the draft!) Trent Green to earn his keep; this may be his last chance as TWVOADP (the worst value of any draft pick) Brett Farve (drafted second!) is playing well...Lee Evans had a fierce 1/3 of his season point total last week, but seriously, it's nice for OCT that he is showing signs of life...KPOBW: Brett Farve, Brian Westbrook, Kevan Barlow, LJ Smith (ouch)

Prediction: Actually typing out those byes almost had me pick BFG. Then I saw "Dominic Rhodes" and changed my mind back. OCT stays relevant, back in the win column.

The 5 Hole

Blaine Browns (-37) vs. Who is Ron Mexico?

Second straight week in the dungeon for BB; blame their opponents...An interesting matchup at RB, as TJ Duckett and Warrick Dunn fight for TD opportunities...I'm a little upset that Drew's smack talk isn't "Shut up, Tomke" and that Dave's isn't "Fuck you, Drew"...That's about all that's interesting...Wait! Two members of JR's remarkable run to end last season are starting in this game; it's Drew Bennett vs. Nick Goings in a battle of VUFSA has-beens...First meeting, blah blah blah- games 4 and 5 always have an expansion in them and if you're reading this, you know damn well these two have never played

News and Notes, BB

Soft part of the schedule for the Browns, and they deserve it after putting up a luck index of -7 through 5 weeks...Lee Suggs' injury sucks for BFG, but has solidified the BB Flex Spot, as Ruben Droughns keeps getting touches...BB is missing their three best receivers in this game- maybe two (depending on how you rate Houshmanihatejr vs. Keenan McCardell)...Is Curtis Martin back yet? If he is, Vinny Testaverde is the MVP of the Blaine Browns...Edgerrin James only has 3 TDs?...KPOBW: Terrell Owens, Donald Driver

News and Notes, WIRM

42 Points? Seriously?....Li'l Eli Manning gets his first VUFSA start...Joe Jurivicius was a great pickup...Is Mike Anderson becoming irrelevant again in Denver? That's awful news for WIRM...KPOBW: Brandon Lloyd (HUGE Loss), Ahman Green, Marcel Shipp

Prediction: You know where this is going.

The 100 point club

The number 100. The most likely sign of a victory comes if the team can hit 100 points. The breakdown of wins and losses per week for teams eclisping 100 points.

Week 1: 3-0
Week 2: 3-1
Week 3: 4-4
Week 4: 3-1
Week 5: 4-0

Teams that have scored 100+ points are a combined 17-6 (winning percentage of .739). If not for that freaky week three where everyone scored touchdowns, the number would be 13-2 (.867).

Breakdown by record in games in which they scored 100 points in order of current standings:

1. Madd Skillz (4-0)
2. Cellar Dwellers (4-0)
3. Father Abraham (2-0)
4. Sex Panther (2-0)
5. Blaine Browns (2-2)
6. Fred Lane's Wife (1-2)
7. The Octagon (0-1)
8. Champeons (2-0)
9. Big Fat Guys (0-1)
10. Who is Ron Mexico? (0-0)

No team has scored 100+ every week. But rearranging the rankings based on the number of times each team has scored 100 would look something like this. (Difference from real rankings in parentheses)

1. Madd Skillz: 4 (-)
1. Cellar Dwellers: 4 (-)
1. Blaine Browns: 4 (+4)
4. Fred Lane's Wife: 3 (+2)
5. Father Abraham: 2 (-2)
5. Sex Panther: 2 (-1)
5. Champeons: 2 (+3)
8. The Octagon: 1 (-1)
9. Big Fat Guys: 1 (-)
10. Who is Ron Mexico: 0 (-)

Based on consistency alone, the Blaine Browns and Fred Lane's Wife are the biggest losers as both teams have managed to score 100+ twice and yet came away with losses.

Over time, the league tends to balance itself out where teams who consistently score 100+ move to the top of the standings whereas the teams that have a fluke outing thanks to the bold performance of one or two players tend to fall to the bottom of the standings. Luck, though, plays a tremendous role in the process as seen by the leading scorer, Eli, not making the top 4 last year and not making the playoffs. How the league would look if we took a roto approach instead of a head-to-head one. (Again, difference from real standings on far right.)

1. Madd Skillz: 631pts (126.2 per week) (-)
2. Sex Panther: 587.25pts (117.45 per week) (+2)
3. Cellar Dwellers: 582.25 pts (116.45 per week) (-1)
4. Blaine Browns: 542.75pts (108.55 per week) (+1)
5. Fred Lane's Wife: 514.5pts (102.9 per week) (+1)
6. Father Abraham: 491.75pts (98.35 per week) (-3)
7. The Octagon: 464.5pts (92.9 per week) (-)
8. Champeons: 456.75pts (91.35 per week) (-)
9. Big Fat Guys: 440.5 pts (88.1 per week) (-)
10. Who is Ron Mexico: 349.25pts (69.85 per week) (-)

Roto scoring would shift the playoff picture quite a bit with two teams that would currently be in would be out. Sex Panther would jump up two spots into a "home game," and the Blaine Browns would boot Father Abraham's squad from the postseason. The bottom of the standings are fairly accurate whether you cut it roto or head-to-head. The middle, though, is shuffled all about with FA being the most "overrated" (I put in parentheses so as to not disrespect) and Sex Panther being the most "underrated."

So what does all of this mean? In all the computations and rankings, two teams never moved. Madd Skillz any way you slice it is the best team in the league (sorry Power Rankings) and Who is Ron Mexico the worst. It also means the league is highly competitve. Only one team has never scored triple digits and no team has managed it every week. On any given weekend, any upset is possible despite the severe handicapping of the expansion teams and the depression of some of the lower ranked clubs.