Who Wants Some Feel Good Pie?

By DeJuan C3PO
Fly Scribe

Dog, I am transfixed or transfigured or transubstantiated or something. I have not left my computer for 24 hours, because I cannot stop laughing at that damn bear mauling the sheeeit out of some poor shorty in a green sweater. Dog, I know it's not right! I know it's tragic when caged animals attack (that pickup line has never failed DeJuan, by the by) but damn, that is some funny, seizure-inducing comedy. It also gets funnier with every new shot of Bacardi. Open the hatch and unbutton yo fly!

Fight the Power Rankings!

1. Angry Skillz (7-1). Bitches, 80.50 is not a good score by any means. I could have gotten that using only white-ass running backs and black kickers. Even Andrew Stem, whose three running backs were outscored by his homeboy Lawrence Tynes, who wears kilts and shit, out-did the score of 80.50 with his 80.75. Here is where the chemicals really mix together into a solvent easily digested or taken through the nasal passage: Skizzles' 80.50 points came from two damn people. TWO DAMN PEOPLE BITCHES AND ONE OF THEM WAS NOT CHARLIE BATCH. Flo-Jo Johnzon and Big L.D.N.T.M.SON went off this week, and I have a dirty little secret, better than the secret to that secret ingredient my great grandmother Dorothy Batavia C3P0 used to put in her Feel Good Pie. When those two click at the same time, Madd Skillz is unstoppable, and probably masturbating all Sunday long. Wang, dog. Wang.

2. The Poo (6-2). DeJuan's Fantasy Special this week did not go well, particularly after the lovely Miss Wanda Jackson realized far too soon that I did not, in fact, have a breath mint in my upstairs kitchen and was simply trying to lure her there so we could set the table, if you know what I'm saying. I probably should have left the strobe light off. Also, DeJuan thought the Mexican would get the Poo this week, but it was not to be, mainly because Trailer Trash is still doing his thing. Dog, his running backs are weak sausage if you ask me, but they're still putting up some good numbers. Is that Marion Barber homeboy related to Marion Butts?

3. Private Residence Man (5-3). Second highest point total for the week comes shortly after trading for my sexy twin Edgerrin James, who did not look like your grandma for the first time in a while. It also helped that a true brother made the Trailer Trash look good by catching three touchdown passes, and the Mexican tight end is doing it all again. It is a league of nations for the Marmot! And Rex Grossman, who is from White America, is trying his best to emulate that bear who's attacking innocent bystanders and shit. I just chortled, sending Bacardi all over my bearskin rug. Is that irony?

4. ChamPee-ons (5-3). Yo, forget the fact that his quarterback is Damon Huard, who has all the suck and none of the fabulous goddamn facial features of predecessor David Carr, cuz this dude is loaded at running back. Chump doesn't have any superstars, but he's got Maroney, Addai, Jones, Gore and Dillon, which is steady as she goes. He's done the whole win one, lose one thing for a while now, so this might be the upset the Mexican was looking for, but I'm starting to wonder after the Mexican started Trailer Trash's brother over the unstoppable samurai force that is Tony Romo Dojo. Dog, are you really gonna sit Andre Johnson? I know you want to doggy style Eddie Kennison, but please.

5. The Slumpbusters (4-4). There are two things you can count on every November. One, it's turkey season, which usually means me and my brothers, the Honorables Cuervo C3P0 and BjornBorgC3P1, go hunting for some fine-ass bird somewhere in the Los Angeles suburbs. Last year, we thought we had one, but it turned out to be a runaway cat. Shit, turkey is damn hard to find. Anyway, the other thing is that Eli Gieryna starts bitching about how his fantasy team is cursed and shit. But whatever. Dude plays the Father Almighty and the Mexican in back-to-back weeks and doesn't sniff the ass of Angry Skillz or the Marmot for the rest of the way, so he's just fine at 4-4. He finally traded Willis McGahee, which is too bad cuz Drew Rosenhaus is funny as shit with that slick black hair and percentage of twenty five million reasons to live, for Warrick Dunn, who builds houses for mommies. I like it. Mommies, that is.

6. Fat Legs (4-4). Bad byes coming up for the Rotund One, but the Marmot has his own problems with the bye (and by bye, I do mean sexual videography), so it should be an even matchup and a good chance for his ass to make a move in the standings. Needed that ugly-bitch-ass Doug Gabriel to work some Monday night magic to beat out the Float of Fornication, which is cool, cuz dude has more points than anybody below him in the standings, plus the Pee-Ons. If he can beat the Marmot, he'll have lots of good looking matchups the rest of the way (that's right Mexican and Father Almighty, you know who I speak). By the way, when you add Mexicans to Father Almighty, you get Catholics, so I will call them that from now on.

7. Float of Fornication (3-5). Speaking of Catholics, this bitch had the most points of any loser, but we all know bastard is building for the land of tomorrow anyways. Cadillac, Jacobs, DeAngelo, Jones-Drew and Ron Mexico might make some nice keeper picks, but they could make some noise yet this year as well. Dog, how disappointing was the Minnesota bye week, passing without incident? Too bad Ron Mexico didn't have the same bye week, cuz he would have shown those dudes how to party. I bet Brad Childress don't even know what sex looks like. He should call Tice.

8. The Mexican (1-7). Yo, I thought of putting Father Almighty here, but have you seen his byes next week? We'll stick with this dog, who added two running backs (one running back and a fauxback Maurice Morris, that is) for the price of one mommy house builder. Dude has a nice team for the next seasons, as long as he keeps either the Romo or Human Wang Daunte Culpepper. Couldn't come up with the big upset this week, and the Detroit Tigers failed to win the World Series, so he is pretty much a Ferengi in world full of Klingons. Yo, I know that was weak, but I had to fit in a Star Trek reference somewhere. Fucking every afternoon is a marathon on Spike TV! Fucking Worf! That shit is for real.

9. Father Almighty (2-6). McNabb, Boldin, and Washington all out next week, not to mention Crotch-Itchery, which won't help against Slumpbusters. Dude, I'm sorry man. I'm just sorry. Like, honestly. Here's five dollars.

10. Cellar Dwellars (3-5). But I ain't sorry for this shit. Dude makes a conscious effort to put Shaun Alexander in his lineup with Lamont Jordan supposedly getting playing time, so you get your ass sent to the bottom of the power rankings, foe. Granted, LaMont Jordan was still doing his Making Out With Bitches on the Sidelines thing for most of the game, but Shaun Alexander was in Hawaii smoking a doob, nowhere near the field. C'mon Dwellar, get your head out of your coca garden! Until Alexander comes back, and dog, I mean comes back and actually plays like Jesus, this team is the worst. They won three games, homie. Three times, someone lost to this. Embarrassing.

Week 8 Recap

The Nihilist Marmot: 140.00
The Slumpbusters: 108.75

Game Summary: SLM's attempt to minimize the effects of a bad bye week (getting Warrick Dunn for Willis McGahee) improved the team, but not by enough. On the other hand, TNM owner JR Radcliffe looks like a genius for dealing off young underacheiver Carnell Williams for old underacheiver Edgerrin James- the latter outscoring his junior by 11 points. Reggie Wayne and Rex Grossman, both former Gieryna players, were enormous for TNM.

The Nihilist Marmot (5-3): Rex Grossman was not only wonderful against the 49ers, he was able to avoid throwing TDs to SLM's Bernard Berrian, bring JR much pantsless joy. Reggie Wayne is the real story here- as he took advantage of the fact that Denver has only one competent cornerback and went batty. Sure, it kept Marvin Harrison in check, but 34.50 points between the 2 Colts receivers is perfectly acceptable. DeShaun Foster, Darrell Jackson and Tony Gonzalez join Wayne, Grossman and James in double digits. JR currently sits in the #3 spot in the standings with a one game lead on the #4 spot and a solid point total.

The Slumpbusters (4-4): Despite a zero tolerance policy on ugly, horrendous celebratory dances, SLM signed steroid abuser Shawne Merriman during the week. Merriman's 11.50 points were worth a seizure-like dance routine, but his inability to distribute needles to SLM's WRs and TEs ultimately cost the team. Marc Bulger and Steven Jackson were outstanding, but they ignored Torry Holt. Wali Lundy was spectacular, but outside of defenders, just 3 'Busters hit double digits. The final note in a recap that only seems to get worse- Tatum Bell's status as an every week play is in jeopardy with his turf toe combined with Mike Bell's breakout. Lundy couldn't have come around at a better time. That's Eli's reward for never leaving his computer.

====================

Naj Davenport's Poop: 121.00
Who Is Ron Mexico: 89.75

Game Summary: Hey Dave- Peyton Manning called and said that he hates you. Also, he said you should have started Romo.

Naj Davenport's Poop (6-2): Peyton Manning's 34 points against the Broncos erase any notion VUFSA owners may have had about his effectivness against an elite defense. No matter who or where he plays, he will be the league's top QB. Willie Parker was fine against the Raiders, unlike the rest of the Steelers, while Marion Barber notched his 5th double digit output in 7 weeks, despite a season-high of 10 carries in a single game. Javon Walker notched 10 points, while Todd Heap was close. Cedric Benson's TD in the Bears' mauling of the Niners gave him a worthy RB3 output. Viano sits at the #2 seed and has a 2 game lead in the race to make the playoffs.

Who Is Ron Mexico (1-7): Bullshit cheater Marques Colston scored 23 points despite his team getting blown out by the Ravens, but that was really the only bright spot for WIRM. Muhsin Muhammed did catch a TD, but Eli Manning was held in check with 13 points on a windy New Jersey afternoon. Reggie Bush finished with 0 after throwing an interception, but should have been in the negatives because he fumbled a handoff which was blamed on Drew Brees. Sacraficed short term success for long-term potential, acquiring Willis McGahee despite it being the Bills' bye week. Though Warrick Dunn wouldn't have made a difference, Maurice Morris was an underwhelming option at RB3.

====================

Fresh Legs: 121.75
Tice's Partyboat: 118.50

Game Summary: Doug Gabriel provided one of two thunderings this week, sticking Drew with the regrettable title of most points of any loser. After a flurry of activity this week, Wolfman can rue 2 moves that cost them the points necessary to win this game: Edgerrin James for Carnell Williams (-11) and Alge Crumpler to Baron (+5 to Baron's TE spot).

Fresh Legs (4-4): Carson Palmer, Thomas Jones and Ahman Green all top 20 points for FL this week, making up for a poor WR showing and 2 points from Deuce McAllister. The Eagles were miserable this week, but Brian Westbrook still managed to eek out 10 points against the Jags. The aforementioned Alge Crumpler hit 11 points, scoring his 4th TD in two weeks. The thunder brought forth by Doug Gabriel was largely without drama- as the 3rd play of the game saw Gabriel notch 2.50 of the 3.25 points Brendel needed. Baron sits in a very tough position- 6th in the standings, but 5th in total points. Needs CHM to stop winning with less than 90 points and needs SLM to stumble, as they aren't likely to overtake Eli in the tiebreaker. Currently one game out of a playoff spot and can't really afford to fall further back. Baron sets another new career high in the win.

Tice's Partyboat (3-5): Michael Vick is now the #3 QB in our league after a 33 point outburst that nearly propelled TPB to victory. Ruben Droughns awoke from his coma just in time to exploit the awful Jets run defense, notching 19.50 points in his biggest game of the season. New add Brandon Jacobs ran well and hit double digits in his first game under for Drew. Kellen Winslow, who came over in the Jacobs deal, hit the endzone and scored 12.50 points replacing Alge Crumpler. In what's becoming a theme throughout the league, got a pathetic effort from the WR corps, just 5.50 points between the three of them. Went from .500 to 3-5 with the Monday Night Thundering, making their playoff run even less likely.

====================

ChamPeons: 89.25
Father Abraham: 81.25

Game Summary: Though David Carr was in the negatives when he was benched, CHM's supporting cast had enough to scrounge up a lackluster win in the week's worst game. Both teams finished more than 20 points below the average score this week.

ChamPeons (5-3): David Carr's suck was overcome by 5 double digit performers in the lineup for CHM. Terrell Owens has a great rapport with Tony Romo so far, hooking up with the young Cowboy (and I'm referencing the picture on the banner, not Romo's team) for 3 TDs in limited action so far this season. Julius Jones continues to rack up numbers despite a lack of goal line carries and the presence of Marion Barber. Joseph Addai continues to emerge as the man in Indianapolis, and forgotten TE Ben Watson had a big Monday Night, providing all the Thunder Champ would need. CHM sits at the #4 seed currently, although their point total (6th overall) suggests a crash when opponents get tougher; they play 4 of the league's to 5 scorers over the final 5 games of the season.

Father Abraham (2-6): As Donovan McNabb goes, so goes FA. A more studly 20 points (not unreasonable, given his season so far) from the Eagles QB gives the Father their 3rd win. As it was, 10.50 from the best player in the league ranks as one of the week's biggest disappointments. Fred Taylor continues his tear from the last two weeks, shredding the Eagles defense, and Desmond Clark was the 3rd padre in double figures. Pleasant suprise Leon Washington was a non-factor as were the WRs. Lincoln is still just 2 games out of a playoff spot with 6 to play. However, needs to climb over 5 teams to get there.

====================

Madd Skillz: 172.75
Cellar Dwellers: 80.75

Game Summary: Cellar Dwellers whole linuep outscored 2 of SKL's RBs by .25 points. That's really all there was to this one.

Madd Skillz (7-1): Sets a personal record and ties the #2 score of all-time with a monster week. Larry Johnson and LaDanian Tomlinson just went crazy, but they had strong support from Drew Brees, Steve Smith, Chad Johnson and Rudi Johnson. Robbie Gould also chipped in double digits in his first game with his new team. Also into the record books with the #2 spot in 'largest margin of victory' with the 92 point win. Sits at the #1 spot in the league, with a 134 point lead in the tiebreaker, but has a big showdown with 6-2 NDP next week.

Cellar Dwellers (3-5): Tom Brady's god-like Monday Night kept Stem away from laying claim to one of the most futile efforts in league history. Despite his status as the biggest bitch in the league, Plaxico Buress sure does have some sweet-ass TD catches. Buress joined Tom Terrific in double figures, but that was it. Verron Haynes did score 1.50 points this week, but is now out for the season, which leaves CD scrambling to fill his spot in the starting lineup next week. Seriously. Donte Stallworth returned to CD's linuep but managed just 3.50 points. Kicker Lawrence Tynes was the team's 3rd leading scorer. Shaun Alexander had his worst day ever while in Stem's lineup, but in fairness it's only because he didn't suit up.

Open Thread: Week 8

Subplots galore. Eli and JR do battle again, Dave Tomke aims for the his second consecutive win, and Andrew Stem trots out what is officially the worst running back group to ever grace a fantasy football roster. In any league. At any point in time.

Justin Fargas
Vernon Hayes
Shaun Alexander

A backup on the worst team in the NFL, a third-stringer, and a guy who has already been ruled out of action.

Good work, Stem.

This week's open thread is sponsored by an obviously wasted Connie Chung singing her farewell song when she left MSNBC. Thanks for the memories, Connie. And thanks for giving a bad name to every Asian that Dave Tomke has ever owned.



EDIT: Who knew the 49ers were wearing green sweaters today?

Wang!!

Hehe. Taint.
Is Tony Romo riding an imaginary pony?

Week 8 Preview

Game of the Week

The Nihilist Marmot vs. The Slumpbusters (+12.5)

There's no way around it; there's not a more legendary matchup in the VUFSA than this one...Eli set another VUFSA record last week, recording the first ever 100+ drop in point total from one week to the next...JR Radcliffe is 12-2 from Weeks 8-14 in his career...Eli Gieryna is 5-9 in that same time frame...Gieryna averages 119 points in week 8, and is 0-2...Radcliffe averages 109.88 in week 8, and is 2-0...Radcliffe and Gieryna are 2-2 lifetime against one another, both of Radcliffe's wins coming in the final week of each of our 2 seasons, propelling him into the playoffs and Gieryna out...Their most recent outing saw Eli put up the 6th highest total in a loss in league history...I apologize to Eli for the pain he likely incurred from the preceding paragraph, but hey- facts are facts.

News and Notes, TNM

Sometimes I wonder if my view on the league is accurate. I feel like ESPN- I'm so caught up in the storylines I deem pertinent, that I don't really understand what my viewers/readers actually see as important. The reason that I bring this up is that I see JR's QB situation as the #1 theme on his team most weeks, and I wonder if I'm constantly hammering home a point that everyone has tired of...Anyway, Rex Grossman makes his TNM debut, providing more upside than any QB JR's had on his roster since week 1. Grossman gets a juicy matchup in his first game, and a chance to reestablish himself as an every week QB option. He came over at the relatively low price of Antonio Bryant, a saavy move by JR...Travis Henry returns from his bye week as sparkling a flex option as the league has to offer this week, taking on Houston. I overlooked him during my midpoint awards post...The strongest WR corp in the league is not so sexy this week- with the Colts taking on a stingy Denver Defense, and Darrell Jackson's productivity tied to the arm of Seneca Wallace...Key Byes: None...Key Injuries: None

News and Notes, SLM

The second straight bad bye week for SLM is even worse than the first. 2 RBs and 2 WRs are out of the lineup, and though there is adequate depth to fill the spots comfortably, it's a very noticeable drop...Welcome to Wali World, round 2. Baron and I have talked about the hollow sense of accomplishment that one gets when you draft a player, and then watch him have success on another team when you didn't have a spot for him. Baron moaned about Matt Cain's late season surge, and I feel the same way about Wali Lundy and even Philip Rivers...Lundy played great against the Jags last week, but that Houston team is so unpredictable that it will be hard to get a week-in week-out effort from him...The Rams have a very tough matchup against San Diego, although the Chiefs' struggling offense had a great day against the Chargers last week...Tatum Bell on the other end, should run wild against a pourous Indy run D...Erased the famous QB depth from earlier, dealing off Michael Vick with a 5th rounder for the potential and recent production of Randy Moss...Key Byes: Clinton Portis, Willis McGahee, Santana Moss, Roy Williams

On Deck

Naj Davenport's Poop vs. Who is Ron Mexico (+5)

NDP comes in with a 4 game winning streak, and has hit 100+ in 6 straight- both streaks longest in the league...Did you know that Champ is the only owner in the league not to have beaten Dave twice in their career? That's tough considering he's only played in 21 contests...On the other side, Champ is the only owner with a winning record against Viano through 2 years...Week 7 is the latest any team has gone into a season before recording their first win, congrats Dave...Viano is 2-0 lifetime against Tomke.

News and Notes, NDP

The stable of talented young backs are great to have and hold a lot of leverage for the future and later weeks, but when one of NDP's feature backs go on bye, the talented young'ns represent a crapshoot at RB. Joe Jurevicius is a smart play at flex against the Jets over someone like Jerious Norwood...Temp RB3 Cedric Benson has tremendous potential against the Niners. Benson's been getting increased reps in practice, and the Bears can't wait to get him on the field. A good shot for Ced to score...Peyton has a tough go against Denver, but will it really matter? Peyton may not throw up 30 this week, but he's pretty much assured of at least 15-18 points no matter who the opponent is...I will stop poking fun at Hines Ward now, even if half his points came in one fluky game. The Raiders represent another mouth-watering opportunity for Viano and Ward...Same goes for Willie Parker...Despite their underacheiving and lukewarm stats, there are 6 Cowboy position players that have pretty regular starting spots in the VUFSA- and those players' numbers could be in jeopardy with an inexperienced QB at the Dallas helm. Marion Barber's value is directly tied to touchdowns and goal line touches, and those opportunities may diminish if the 'Boys need a few weeks to get acclimated to the one-time Walter Payton Award Winner...Key Byes: Ronnie Brown...Key Injuries: Greg Jennings (Doubtful), Matt Jones (Questionable)

News and Notes, WIRM

I have a feeling that Dave is pulling our leg with the Tony Romo start. Not that Romo won't be a solid start someday, but he's playing a very good Carolina defense as opposed to proven stud Eli Manning taking on the 27th ranked defense in the league (at home, nonetheless). This is a winnable game for Dave against an elite team, my guess is that he'll play Li'l Eli come Sunday...WIRM has three WRs in the lineup that have very good matchups to exploit; Muhsin Muhammed vs. the 49ers is probably the best looking one right now...The sensational Saints rookies get a dose of the Ravens this week. Honestly, I don't think Reggie Bush does a damn thing on the ground this week, but I can see him having a monster day through the air, as my guess is the Saints will need to check to him more than a few times...I would like to remind you, once again, not to sleep on Kevan Barlow. He scored again last week and the Jets should get the goal line against the Browns...Despite only 2.7 yards per carry against Pittsburgh last week, Warrick Dunn got across the goal line for the second straight game; dispersing the crowd on the Jerious Norwood bandwagon for a week...WIRM isn't the ideal fantasy team for Daunte Culpepper right now (Eli Manning is the keeper QB here), but he was a decent a pickup even though he shouldn't have any trade value this year...Key Byes: Chris Cooley...Key Injuries: Kevan Barlow (Probable)

The 3 Spot

Tice's Partyboat vs. Fresh Legs (-14.5)

Week 8 is the 2nd worst week for the Wolfman, gathering just 93.13 points per week in that stanza...Baron has gone over 100 five times in his career, and has a streak of 2 straight games going now; the second such streak this season...Baron's name appears just once in the entire VUFSA record book, and it's for the 2nd longest all-inclusive losing streak (6 games; week 10, 2005- week 1, 2006)...Drew is 2-0 vs. Brendel all-time.

News and Notes, TPB

Three trades for the Wolfman in 2 days, acquiring 3 picks in the process. Dealt off keeper QB Drew Brees for the awesome power that will be Brandon Jacobs' 2007 season, and picked up a 6th rounder with him. Of course I'm biased, but I love Jacobs' potential and had him under serious keeper consideration before the Hasselbeck injury. At the very least, I feel he would have been a top 3 pick in the redraft next season. It's a running back's league, and while Brees was a nice option, the temptation of taking over Tiki's carries was too big to pass up...Also rid themselves of Randy Moss' inconsistency, and replaced Brees in the deal by getting Vick and a 5th. While I do think Moss has something in the tank somewhere, this is an especially nice deal for Drew, as he might have been happy either a 5th rounder or Vick for the underacheiver...Lastly, Alge Crumpler's hot hand was dealt to this week's opponent, but a 6th rounder for a TE is a move you have to make...This week: good potential in the GB-ARI tilt with Edgerrin James and Donald Driver primed for big points...The corpse of Ruben Droughns has to muster something this season for Drew to move him, and the Jets provide him an opportunity to do so...Does it make anyone else angry that ESPN is pimping the "Keyshawn vs. TO" storyline for the Panthers-Cowboys game? The Cowboys upgraded their talent at WR. It's not TO's fault they let go of Keyshawn. I hate ESPN...Key Byes: Mike Furrey...Key Injuries: Byron Leftwich (Questionable), Kellen Winslow (Questionable)

News and Notes, FL

We should all be as injured as Brian Westbrook. Over 200 yards of offense and a score despite being questionable on the injury report for the Eagles' stud RB. I realized another midpoint omission- I should have given Westbrook more consideration for VUFSA MVP. He's been dreamy for Baron, though it is hard to feel comfortable riding a back with an impending microfracture surgery on his knee...Despite the massive number of flaming papers in FL's lineup, there isn't much reason for concern this week. Westbrook, Ahman Green and Deuce McAllister are all probable and practicing, while Reggie Brown should play. Laverneus Coles is uncertain, but Baron's got some depth at late-game-WR to tide him over if needed...Should Brendel be worried about Thomas Jones? Just 14 total touches in a hideous offensive game vs. Arizona, and Cedric Benson's reps have been increased over the bye week. Baron knew going into the season that he was going to have to face at least one, at most three of his 5 RBs have a youngster breathing down their neck, and it's about that time. Jones needs to have a very efficient showing early against SF in case the game gets out of hand and garbage time comes into play...I always feel like I'm overly critical of Baron. I'm going to do it again, but B, you need to know that I think the world of you as an owner and you're doing a fine job so far this season. Here goes: I think Crumpler is an upgrade over the other 2 TEs on the roster, but I'm not sure that he's enough of an upgrade to justify a mid-round pick. Both Heath Miller and Dallas Clark have potential on any given week, and it's going to become cumbersome holding 3 TEs on a roster when you clearly plan on making one the top guy. What the hell do I know though, I criticized the Carson Palmer deal to no end and carried Drew Bledsoe and Charlie Batch on my roster at the same time...Key Byes: Chris Chambers...Key Injuries: Coles (Q), Westbrook, Green, McAllister, Brown (Probable)

Batting Cleanup

Father Abraham vs. ChamPeons (-9)

Every one of CHM's main offensive players are on the road this week...Week 8 is Lincoln's best week by far; 113 points per game including his all-time high of 137.50 in 2004...Champ is 3-1 vs. Souzek in his career.

News and Notes, FA

The Texans backfield has been awfully unfair to Father Abraham. First, Domanick Davis goes on IR a week after Souzek used the #2 pick in the draft on him. Second, Samkon Gado gets passed over by Wali Lundy (again) after a total of like 7 minutes as the starter. Gary Kubiak hung with shitty Ron Dayne for 4 games but bailed on Samkon after 2 quarters. I had big plans for Gado when I drafted him this year. In a story that is now embarrassing for both of us, I actually tried to swap out Samkon Gado and put Brandon Jacobs in his place during preseason trade talks between Lincoln and I, and it fell apart shortly thereafter. I still have a small spot in my heart for Gado, even if he did go to Liberty University...Thanks to DeJuan, I too have to scratch myself when I look at FA's WRs...Will Leon Washington really emerge as the Jets' number one guy? He reminds me of Warrick Dunn from a fantasy perspective; presumed to be too small to carry every down though he may be ready to do so. They went to the same college, too...Was Jason Witten the worst keeper of this past offseason? The already waived Daunte Culpper may have something to say about that, but Witten has been non-existent for FA most of the year, though he may be on an upswing after a nice game last week...Drew Bennett should have a few opportunities against the Texans...For the sake of Lincoln's sanity, when will the Ravens start Musa Smith? This Jamal Lewis charade has gone on long enough...Key Byes: None...Key Injuries: Davis, but I'm sick of typing he's on IR every week, so this is the last time he'll be listed. You all know he's gone.

News and Notes, CHM

7 of 9 of CHM's main offensive weapons hail from just 3 teams this week. Lot's of pressure on the Texas teams and the Patriots to score...A big decision for Champ this week is made difficult because of what his heart is saying. There's been a skepticism amongst a few owners about how much longer Champ can rely on getting production from 2 RBs on the same team in the starting lineup. That problem is magnified this week as Maroney/Dillon take on the #1 rush defense in the NFL. Meanwhile, VUFSA folk hero Frank Gore is sitting on the bench, presumably because Whitlock wouldn't dare play a RB against the ferocious Bears Defense. What do you do here? Roll the dice on which Pat back is going to get the numbers and throw Gore out there against Chicago or hope that the Patriot offense produces enough so that Brent doesn't have to worry about rooting for anyone against his beloved? It's oddly not that easy of a call. (Actually it is, start Gore and Dillon because Maroney's been worse than mediocre since destroying the Bengals)...Julius Jones was spectacular up until last weeks no-show against the Giants. He'll have another tough go against Carolina this week...Everyone in the world except Tony Dungy can see just how much better Joseph Addai is than Dominic Rhodes. For Champ's sake (sorry Baron) let's hope that Dungy comes to his senses and commits to the rookie soon...I really like the double touchdown potential for Carr and Andre Johnson this week...Key Byes: Randy McMichael, Lee Evans...Key Injuries: Ben Roethlisberger (At least he was wearing a helmet this time)

The 5 Hole

Madd Skillz vs. Cellar Dwellers (+30)

The top two teams of a season ago meet in the 5 hole. A stark contrast to their Week 8 meeting last year that featured a 7-0 Stem vs. a 6-1 Schillinger...Week 8 is the worst for Schillinger, averaging 100.38 in that week through 2 seasons...It's no kinder to Stem, who's getting just 80.25 per game in week 8s...Schillinger is 4-0 vs. Stem lifetime, the most recent battle being a 149.00-100.50 win in the 2005 VUFSA Championship Game.

News and Notes, SKL

After watching Chad Johnson's postgame interview this past week, I honestly put together a theory that there was a direct link between his lack of an impact and the muzzle that Marvin Lewis had put on him. After a 30+ yard gain on 4th-1 inside the 5 yard line last week, he got up and looked defeated. It was like the catch meant nothing to him if he couldn't celebrate it. Sure, it's juvenile to need to bring attention to yourself after every little accomplishment, but I really believe that fun is what fuels Chad. He seems to want to get into the end zone so much more if he's got a big celebration planned. I may be alone on this (since everyone else in our league could hate his antics, but hey, he's my player) but I was beyond thrilled when I saw his media session this week. (linkage in this article here) My favorite lines include: "Hey TJ, you wanna get fined this week? I'll pay it." and asking "I was on the cover [of SI]?" right before a reporter informed Chad that he "had a copy in [his] locker" and another noted that "there's three of them." I may just be buying into a lot of bullshit, but I believe Chad has more to play for when he puts himself on the line like that, and I think he has a big game this week...I can't really look it up, but I believe that last week was the first time a VUFSA team went into a week with 2 starting QBs and left it with none. Matt Hasselbeck's injury became even more important after Shitty Bledsoe's benching, thus the Drew Brees for Brandon Jacobs deal. Brees is a very similar QB to Hasselbeck who will be a steady starter for SKL and should lead to some uncomfortable decisions for Schillinger come playoff time...LaDanaian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson both have exploitable matchups (STL and SEA), while Antonio Gates should have an opportunity to score in his 5th straight game...I'm worried about Terry Glenn...Key Byes: None...Key Injuries: Matt Hasselbeck (Out)

News and Notes, CD

Honestly this is pretty gross. While not there yet, CD is heading back to cellar dwelling at a rapid rate, and injuries are basically the biggest reason. A team that was razor thin last season headed into this campaign the same way, but this year hasn't been as fortunate. Shaun Alexander probably won't and LaMont Jordan might not play this weekend, while Kevin Jones is on bye. Not a good week to miss all three of your keeper running backs...Larry Fitzgerald's injury has pushed luminaries like Ernest Wilford and Eric Moulds into the starting lineup the last few weeks. Moulds may be a decent start against the Titans, while if Donte Stallworth can play this week and stay healthy, we may have seen the last of Wilford...Vernon Haynes has a great matchup against Oakland. I typed that with a straight face, really...Tom Brady represents some pretty heavy Monday Night Thunder, and he could put it in the air 40 times...Key Byes: Kevin Jones, Jon Kitna...Key Injuries: Larry Fitz (D), LaMont Jordan (Q), Shaun Alexander (D), Keenan McCardell (P), Plaxico Burress (P), LJ Smith (Q), Justin Fargas (P). Wow.

Midpoint Awards

Since our fly scribe DeJuan has the patience of JR Radcliffe in a brownie store when it comes to publishing, I'm stretching for material. It's the exact halfway point of the season, so here's our awards so far, just me voting:

VUFSA MVP: Peyton Manning

-Naj Davenport's Poop has had average performances from two keeper RBs and until last week, his keeper WR. Manning demonstrated last week why he is the VUFSA's most consistent and most deadly player.

Apologies to: Donovan McNabb, Torry Holt

Biggest Suprise: Rex Grossman

-A QB who we saw next to nothing of in real games and who couldn't stay healthy was tearing up the league until his latest game. He'll get a chance to shine on The Nihilist Marmot after being buried at #3 on the Slumpbusters' depth chart.

Apologies to: Michael Vick, Frank Gore, Marques Colston

Biggest Disappointment: Edgerrin James

-He's not totally at fault for Tice's Partyboat's sinking, but he's performing so far below what we had come to expect it's just awful.

Apologies to: Daunte Culpepper, LaMont Jordan, Terrell Owens

Most Devastating Injury: Shaun Alexander

-Alexander should be back relatively soon, which may take him out of this category by season's end, but the damage to Cellar Dwellers' season may already be done.

Apologies to: Domanick Davis, Larry Fitzgerald

Best Pickup: Marques Colston

-Out of nowhere with bullshit eligibilty at TE, the rookie has been the top scoring player at his position, and that's not just something that you expect to get from a wire pickup.

Apologies to: Leon Washington, Bernard Berrian, Maurice Jones-Drew

GM of the Year: Brent Whitlock

-Gutsy decision to hang onto Frank Gore in the offseason, and saavy drafting (Maroney, Addai, Lee Evans) has taken ChamPeons to the top half of the standings all year long. The acqusitions of Andre Johnson, Terrell Owens and Gore late last year contribute to the nod.

Apologies to: Everyone else. There hasn't been enough activity to really single anyone else out.

Power Rankings, Bitches

By DeJuan C3PO
Fly Scribe

Bitch, get me some ice cream! But before you do, be damn aware that DeJuan C3P0 is back for some lovin', bloggy style, and doing the Fight the Power Rankings this week, so hold on tight and open wide.

1. Madd Skillz (6-1). Shit. Embarrassing. Who the hell allowed this bitch to get Steve Smith, Larry Johnson and my boy L.D.N.T.M.SON? That's what we call him on the street, while he be busy owning hussies. Bitch got three 20-point performances this week and now has a one-game lead on second place, and a two-game lead on everyone else. What doesn't he have? A quarterback dawg! Matt Hasselbeck's sexy, rogaine-depleted Superdome is cracked and Drew Bledsoe is sitting on the sidelines sampling some of that same great shit T.O. had a few weeks back. Several million reasons to live, dawg. Several million reasons to live. CHARLIE BATCH WILL LIVE FOREVER. I don't know why I said that so loud, or why I said it at all. Shit. Embarrassing. Shawne Merriman, I TOLD YOUR ASS that you would get burned if you went to J-Kwon-Doe for your supplemental needs, and look where you're at now. What's a power ranking again?

2. Naj Davenport's Poop (5-2). Dog, every man has taken his kids to his ex-girlfriend's hamper pool once in a while, so kudos to this man for keeping it real with the team name. Also, dude has gotten the most out of White Trash Peyton's Place, who seems ready to take his trailer roadshow to the air for good. Y'all. Too bad his running backs smell like that time I swallowed a bean burrito and a joint at the same time, and it all came out the other end, if you know what I'm saying. In ex-mistress Laquita Landry's closet, no less. Too bad Ronnie Brown takes a vacation next week against Dave Tomke's Romo Samurai Superforce, so it could be a damn good upset special. But shit, dog has won four in a row.

3. The Nihilist Marmot (4-3). Yo, this fucker leads the league in dogs who look like Ronde Barber, and that was a damn good thing this week when Ronde pranced into the end zone twice. But that was lucky, my bitches...what isn't lucky is that the Mary Kate and Ashley Olson twins on the Colts are alive and well, Ronde's broham is still owning bitches even while his fatboy Brandon Jacobs picks up points, and the running backs are doing their thing. Yo, who the fuck is Drew Carter? Dog, the only Drew Carter I know was with the Backstreet Boys back when I was doing the mall tour thing, opening for some up-and-comers. Shit, that Drew Carter knew how to throw it down. I'm pretty sure he started to suck, then became black and joined the Jake Delhomme Just-As-White-Trash-As-Peyton-Manning Circus. Fuck Drew Carter. Hey hey, check out the byes TNM's opponent has next week. Look at that Mexican tight end haul it in!

4. The Slumpbusters (4-3). Eli's team is a lot like the fine miss Sherry Stringfield on NBC sitcom "ER." Every time it looks like it's going to be her show, that she is just a little bit more of a fox this season and some other star has gone elsewhere to do infomercials or motion pictures or shit, she always gets overshadowed by some other new star or new show. Now, it's like Grey's Anatomy and House and shit, ain't nobody even know Sherry Stringfield is still out there, with her perky breasts and her life-saving surgeries. Fuck! Well, that's Eli's team, loosely, because he's got all these stars that ain't doing shit, and this was the worst week yet. Too bad four of his chumps are out next week against TNM, which means it's gonna be a big bad uphill battle to avoid being .500. Sisyphus or whatever. Dog, I don't know if making the playoffs is your thing. Shit, remember when everyone thought Maurice Morris was the new Sherry Stringfield?

5. ChamPeons (4-3). Tough loss this week to the Marmot, especially with Ben Roethlisberger pausing in the third quarter to do a bike safety commercial and missing the rest of the game. Weak sauce from the rookie running backs this time around, although this is the third one-hondo week in four tries. Plus, Dr. DirecTV gets Abraham and Mexico in the next couple weeks, both things that are in the Bible, so God should be on his side. Let my people go, dog.

6. Fresh Legs (3-4). Anybody notice that Baron Brendel has the best running back depth in the league? I do, but I am also too lazy to look at everybody else's roster to make sure. Step off. Dude was missing two stray cats this week and still hung tough with Skillz, telling me he's got what it takes to make one of those playoff spots. And let's not forget the flowing locks of Troy Motherloving Polamalu! Samoans are delicious. Dog, I was talking about the girl scout cookie, not Polamalu in an Esera Tuaolo kind of way. Whatchyou thinking? God damn. Girl scout cookies are for real.

7. Tice's Partyboat (3-4). Edgerrin James looks a lot like me, accept without the stellar fucking flair for the dramatic, and also, with a little bit more Biggest Bust in Fantasy Football all over his blood red jersey. Edgerrin James was exactly what we thought he was. Except less. Too bad for the Float of Fornication, but a nice 120 points is the elixir for all life's ails, along with scotch on the rocks. Damn straight, I'm that high brow. Problem is, bitches, you can't expect Alge Crumpler, Randy Moss and Mike Furrey to have big weeks at the same time like this again. Dog, Furrey is just a shit-bad name for a football player. Or, you know, anyone. I hear "Mike Furrey" and think of the Ebonic-Spitting Teddy Ruxpin I got in first grade.

8. Who is Ron Mexico? (1-6). Holla for your first win! It says in the Bible or something that a dude will come to lead them, and now that they sort of have their shit together, they have Tony Romo to lead them. It's biblical. Too bad fat Ron Dayne was in the lineup this week, but Tomke gets a win despite not having his best lineup in play with byes and shit. Next week, this bitch is gonna be a scary opponent for the Poop.

9. Father Abraham (2-5). It was about two people this week for Old Abe, one of them being the Mama's Boy in Philly and one of them being Leon Washington. Shit, that's about it. Is Joey Galloway taking pills or something? Is Troy Williamson really still on this team? Why do I feel the urge to scratch my essentials every time I hear the name "Jericho Cotchery." My balls itch.

10. Cellar Dwellars (3-4). Bottom line, Jose, you can't play ball while two of your best players are on the sidelines making out with hot bitches, then have Ernest Wilford finish in the negatives, then have LaMont Jordan also make out with some hot bitches, and then also have Eric Moulds somewhere near your active roster. And also, you have Kevin Jones and Verron Haynes. And also, Donte Stallworth is dead. And also, this is seriously the most unlucky guy since I tried to get a date at a townie line dance bar in upper West Virginia back in 1998. I was pretty sure Ursula Smith-Denise was coming home with DeJuan that night. There was magic and Toby Keith music in the air.

Open Thread, Week 7

This week's open thread is brought to you by the device that has been helping Mark Prior fool people for years.



Be appropriately horrified, and talk amongst yourselves.

Some Perspective

Rummaging through a collection of old Sports Illustrateds today I came across this cover from December 6th, 1993, and chuckled out loud. Think about this when America is in a frenzy tomorrow:

Week 7 Preview

Again, apologies for the delay in getting the preview out- I just hope it ends up being worth the wait. It would have been out earlier if Eli and Drew had stopped IMing me. Also, thanks go out to the Wolman for his very amusing peice on every owner's wishlist (although the sportscenter's name is Jon Anderson, not Mike).

==================

Game of the Week

The Nihilist Marmot vs. ChamPeons (+11)

Despite an extra 22 overall points, TNM sits one win and one spot behind CHM in the standings...If this game goes the way of Champ, TNM could find themselves 2 games out of a playoff spot with seven games left...Week 7 is usually the final stumbling block for JR Radcliffe, as his record in Weeks 1-7 stands at 9-12, but is a scorching 11-2 in the second half of the season through two years...Week 7 is Whitlock's only unbeaten week, and Radcliffe's only winless week...Monday Night Thunder looms big in this one- as CHM sends Julius Jones and Terrell Owens out against Tiki Barber...JR has never lost to Champ, winning all three meetings.

News and Notes, TNM

Tiki Barber's recent retirement announcement should have no impact on his status or performance for this season, but it will impact a league like this much more than a traditional one. Last season, Radcliffe traded Barber away in an effort to get younger when he acquired Cadillac Williams. Since reclaiming Barber, JR must make a similar decision on Tiki's worth. If the playoffs disappear from the radar, he musn't hesitate to deal him away to a contender for a keeper. If JR's in the playoff push for real, the decision becomes even more agonizing. Weigh what Tiki's worth as a stud back vs. what his keeper situation would be without him (hello, Tony G!). I don't envy his position...Chad Pennington has been so good so far this season, and his numbers should again be bountiful against a Lions team that allows more points per game than the Tigers will total, all postseason...Caddy Williams is a key player this week- back on track, but a not a great matchup. If he's a true stud, he'll play well anyway, but Tampa can't fall behind early for JR to get a good game from him...Michael Clayton? Really?...Key Byes: Isaac Bruce, Travis Henry, Rex Grossman...Key Injuries: Chad Pennington (Probable)

News and Notes, CHM

The QB situtation is in flux as much as ever this weekend, with Biker Ben Roethlisberger getting the start against a mostly studly Atlanta team. David Carr is a fine guy to have, but his success is largely based on his matchup- thus his benching against JAX. There are a few teams with QB depth (mainly Eli) but other teams with true studs that can deal their serviceable backups once the byes are over (Viano, Baron). Additionally however, the waiver wire can always provide a decent matchup, but if Champ really wants to win the league, he can always land Shitty Bledsoe for the low, low price of a 2nd round pick...I don't like a lot of the matchups this week, hence the double digit underdog status for CHM- none of the RBs have a weakling, and there are two Patriot backs in the lineup once more...Eric Parker has emerged as SD's #1 WR, so he's a good play against KC this week, but Andre Johnson has a tough matchup...Terrell Owens has been appeased- will they continue to feed him the ball in the red zone now?...Key Byes: Frank Gore...Key Injuries: None

On Deck

Madd Skillz vs. Fresh Legs (+19.5)

Week 7 is the worst week, historically, for both teams; neither has ever won a week 7 game...Brendel set his all-time low (71.75) in week 7 last season, and Schillinger has his lowest average in week 7 compared with all others (98.25- the only week averaging under 100 points)...FL has a modest schedule from here until the two final games, taking on NDP and SLM...Schillinger won both matchups between the teams last season.

News and Notes, SKL

Larry Johnson is struggling to regain his form from last season, and it doesn't help that he follows up Pittsburgh with San Diego this week. He should be able to round into form as the season goes on- he plays a couple of NFC West teams that struggle against the run after this week, and as compenstation for playing the Chargers 2x, has two games against the Raiders left on the schedule. Plus, one would think that the eventual return of Trent Green would help the offense, even if Damon Huard has been fine. I'll just keep breathing deeply and telling myself that...Even though it came from the bench, Matt Hasselbeck's big game against St. Louis was big for a number of reasons. 1) The Shitty Bledsoe factor. 2) No INTs. 3) A safe every week starter for SKL so he can relax...If there is an RB to worry about, it's Rudi Johnson. He's been average the last few weeks, and his talented backup is now eligible to play...It's good to see that Antonio Gates is alive...I love Young Brandon Jacobs (aka, the Next LJ) more than ever this week...Key Byes: Joe Horn...Key Injuries: Chad Johnson (Probable)

News and Notes, FL

Let's start off with a quote from the consistently hilarious and absent Eli Gieryna: "At least Baron's team is minding its P's and Q's. Tee hee"...oooh, swing and a miss...Seriously folks, Baron's 5 injury report players are all big time keys, but the news on all of them is positive. Brian Westbrook was downgraded, but then practiced. Ahman Green has been upgraded, and Rhodes, Coles and Brown are all expected to play...The earth-shattering news is Carson Palmer's benching. Intriguing (at least to me) on a number of levels. First off, Carson is Baron's only player that he doesn't hate. It's also (allegedly) his only untouchable. Second, FL is playing a team that has 2 main cogs of the Bengal offense. It could be a way of hedging, as now he can root for the Bengals to get shut out against a good defense, and also won't get burned in case of 2 Rudi Johnson TDs (like that will ever happen). On the other hand, he could just look to negate any big game Steve Smith has by starting Delhomme. Or, he just doesn't like Palmer's recent play coupled with his matchup. Can it be that simple? Probably...Chris Chambers should have at least a TD vs. GB...The injuries, and the RB byes make this just about the worst possible week for Baron to play SKL...Key Byes: Thomas Jones, Deuce McAllister...Key Injuries: Everyone else

The Three Spot

Naj Davenport's Poop vs. Cellar Dwellers (+17.5)

League's longest winning streak (3 games) is on the line for NDP this week,...CD is halfway through a brutal 4 game stretch (SLM, FL, NDP, SKL) and just wants to be done with it and still be in contention...Viano is 9-1 in weeks 5-8...Both clubs average over 120 points in week 7s...Viano is 2-1 lifetime against Stem.

News and Notes, NDP

Peyton Manning is back this week, but stunningly that's not really a sigh of relief for NDP after the pickup of Philip Rivers. No one is suggesting that Rivers is on the same level as Manning, but when you look at the roster, it's conceivable that this team could compete and make the playoffs with Rivers at the helm, especially if you can use Manning to upgrade the RB3 (or hell, RB1) spot and move Marion Barber to flex. Just thinking out loud...The leading receivers on the roster go: Amani Toomer, Todd Heap, Ronnie Brown. Couple that with Ronnie's 4 rushing TDs and his numbers are consistent enough to be a #1...I thought Bryant Johnson was a smart pickup, but he wasn't really involved last week. Granted, that was the Bears defense- but the Cardinals were moving the ball. Real test is this week against Oakland- If Johnson does nothing here, while in the starting linuep, he's worthless...In danger of breaching one of the VUFSA's unwritten rules (yeah, we have them) by not starting a 3rd defender this week, a polite way of saying "fuck you Stem, I don't need a full lineup to beat you," or, less likely, it means the corollary, "I'm not going to bother dropping someone worth a damn to pick up a defender in a game I'm going to lose anyway."...Key Byes: Todd Heap...Key Injuries: Matt Jones (Out)

News and Notes, CD

With Larry Fitzgerald hurt and Derrick Mason's future controlled by Kyle Boller (and being on a bye) the one time strong WR corps is decimated. Eric Moulds, Keenan McCardell and Ernest Wilford all have starting spots this week and none are top options on theire real life teams. Donte Stallworth may be healthy enough to start this week, but it's still a struggle to fill out the lineup card for Stem this week...Tom Brady has been quiet, fantasy-wise, this season. He doesn't have a great matchup coming up this week either, but he should manage at least a score, and has potential to breakout against a division rival...Good news for CD in that both of their inconsistent keeper backs have juicy matchups on tap- Kevin Jones vs. the Jets and LaMont Jordan vs. the Cardinals. Anything less than 30 combined points is not only a disappointment, but will likely lead to a loss...Key Byes: Derrick Mason...Key Injuries: Shaun Alexander (Out), Larry Fitzgerald (Doubtful), Donte Stallworth (Questionable)

Batting Cleanup

Tice's Partyboat vs. The Slumpbusters (-25)

Traditionally a very good week for both franchises, both getting over 121 points per week 7...This is the down part of the SLM schedule, with the next 4 games coming against teams with a combined 7 wins...Wolf has been in command of the all-time series, leading 3-1 over Gieryna.

News and Notes, TPB

In my talks with Drew, he talked about how he had a desire to get "Deron Williams, or whatever his name is" after his 0-3 start. In getting DeAngelo Williams, it seemed to be mission accomplished. I figured Maurice Jones-Drew was a throw-in to the deal since he is a small, platooning rookie. Next thing you know, Williams is out a month, and Jones-Drew is getting 17 points on 2 rush TDs and has a matchup against the Texans and is looking like a potential keeper and definitely a contributer this year. Weird...Also playing the Texans is Byron Leftwich, who is a great start, assuming he actually plays. Recent reports are not good about his ankle...If it weren't for LaMont Jordan, Ruben Droughns, Edgerrin James and Randy Moss would be neck and neck and neck for the VUFSA's biggest disappointment...I know Drew has accused me of driving down the value of Edgerrin James by ripping his shitty play all year, so I'll stop. I'll let noted Boston Asshole Bill Simmons do it this week: "Edge lead(s) the league in rushing attempts (148 in all, 18 more than the next guy), but they've thrown to him 30 times (for 23 catches). In six games, he's been the target of an offensive play 178 times!...Another interesting stat: He's been stuffed behind the line 23 times for a total of minus-48 yards (both numbers lead the league)."...Key Byes: None...Key Injuries: DeAngelo Williams (Doubtful), Byron Leftwich (Questionable), Wes Welker (Questionable)

News and Note, SLM

Eli will curse me for overriding his objections and making this the largest spread of the week. Missing three players that netted 74 points last week hurts, but the replacements are all capable. Matt Leinart is nothing if not interesting, looked great at times against the Bears, and the Raiders are a totally different story this week. Maurice Morris isn't Steven Jackson, but he will contribute, and the elevation of Tatum Bell to RB3 eases the loss as well. Lastly, Torry Holt has been unmatched this season, but Reggie Williams has had his share of breakouts and plays Houston, so expect a good enough a replacement game from his as well. None of the losses are really crippling...Tatum Bell and Clinton Portis have outstanding matchups this week, with Bell taking on Cleveland and Portis running on the Colts, who despite Booger McFarland are miserable against the run...Jeremy Shockey finally had a huge game for SLM, something expected from the 2nd rounder long ago...I wonder about Roy Williams at times. I see that 3 of his last 4 games have seen no fewer than 138 rec. yards, but I also see 1 catch for 7 yards on the off game. It's hard to feel safe proclaiming anything about any of the Lions...Key Byes: Marc Bulger, Steven Jackson, Torry Holt, Bernard Berrian, Antonio Bryant...Key Injuries: Roy Williams (Probable)

The 5 Hole

Father Abraham vs. Who is Ron Mexico? (-19)

Three (!) New York Jet running backs get starting spots in this matchup, and that's really all you need to know...Tomke is coming off an all-time franchise-high 108.25 points last week...Week 7 is one of 5 weeks in which Lincoln averages 100+ points (100.88), but a sub100 effort this week drops it to just 4 weeks...Lincoln has beaten Tomke both times they have played.

News and Notes, FA

There are a lot of players missing this week for FA, but neither are Donovan McNabb or Anquan Boldin, so it's managable...Fred Taylor has a good matchup, and if he can hold off Maurice Jones-Drew and stay healthy, he'll continue to put up decent fantasy numbers...Leon Washington is a crapshoot. He's getting touches, but not consistently enough to be a big time contributer. A nice guy to have on the roster, but not as a starter at RB...Joey Galloway has been very good this year, and is getting better now that Bruce Gradkowski has settled in. If he weren't one of FA's top 5 players, he would be a juicy peice of trade bait right now...Jericho Cotchery is a good start every week. He's got more points this season than Chad Johnson...Key Byes: Jamal Lewis, LenDale White, Drew Bennett...Key Injuries: Domanick Davis (IR)

News and Notes, WIRM

Could be the team hit hardest by the bye weeks, which is unfortunate since this is their best chance to win so far this season...Despite the byes, still has a very competent linueup set, even though Cedric Houston is involved...The top two running backs on the team have real tough matchups, and one of them- Ron Dayne- is in danger of losing his starting spot any day now. Fortunately for Dayne, Wali Lundy is in line for the job, so the competition should be reopened after Lundy's next carry...I would really like to see what Braylon Edwards can do on a real offense. He's producing on the Browns, but he's talented enough to be a top tier WR with a real NFL team...Deion Branch is playing awesome, well worth the waiting early in the season...Key Byes: Reggie Bush, Marques Colston, Muhsin Muhammed, Chris Brown, Michael Robinson...Key Injuries: Kevan Barlow (Probable), Cedric Houston (Questionable)

What I really want for Christmas

Are my two front teeth. But what is that each of our respective fantasy football teams wants? I present a wish list for everyone.

Madd Skillz:
-Sundays off work.
-Jamie not to pick up Joey Harrington under any circumstances.
-Chad Johnson to exercise Mike Anderson's disappearing football TD celebration (just 1 TD for Chad this year).
-Steve Smith to stretch his hamstring.
-Willie Roaf to come out of retirement to block for Larry Johnson.
-A better option than Drew Bledsoe. But not Joey Harrington. I said "better."
-Tiki Barber to retire right now and not next year.
-Ladanian Tomlinson to throw the football. The slacker only has 7 TDs this year, but if he threw the ball like last season, it'd probably be more like 26.

The Slumpbusters:
-A fruit basket to Morris for not scheduling JR for the annual end-of-the-year debacle.
-Five words: Marc Bulger to Torry Holt.
-Willis McGahee to add some touchdowns (has 1) to go with those 505 yards.
-Michael Vick to learn how to throw a football. Even averagely.
-Matt Leinart to father his children for genetic supremacy.
-Clinton Portis to dress up like Chewbacca. Ok, maybe that's just me.
-London Fletcher-Baker to make up his damn mind on what his name is.
-Shaun Alexander's prayers to go unanswered allowing Maurice Morris to maintain relevance.
-Neil Rackers to stop sucking. But only when not playing the Bears.

Naj Davenport's Poop:
-For Manhattanville College to try this new fad "The Internet."
-Planes flown by New York Yankees to avoid him. (Too early?)
-Hines Ward to start playing like a Super Bowl M.V.P.
-Julius Jones to slip on a patch of ice.
-Warrick Dunn to then fall on Julius Jones.
-Have the Denver Broncos and Chicago Bears work Mike Bell and Cedric Benson into the starting roles.
-Naj Davenport to find a toilet.
-A third defender this week would be nice.
-Robbie Gould to still be available after this week.
-Peyton Manning to increase the percentage of commercials he appears on during an NFL game from 75% to 90%.

ChamPeons:
-A big "Best Radio Station in the State of Indiana" plaque to hang in his work lobby.
-DirecTV to never leave him.
-To get a better ratio than 9 TD and 14 INT from quarterbacks on his roster.
-T.O. to not O.D.
-Andre Johnson to get out of Texas and onto a non-mentally-challenged NFL team.
-To sleep, just once, with Eddie Kennison.
-An extra roster spot so as to have six defenders on the active list.
-One day of rest without Drew pestering him with yet another trade proposal.
-Rookies to keep playing like veterans.


The Nihilist Marmot:
-The Brewers to win the World Series. Scratch that, win the pennant. Scratch that, win the NL Central. Scratch that, win the wild card. Scratch that, play .500 ball.
-Chad Pennington to continue to develop this new found love affair with Laveranues Coles.
-Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne to start finding the end zone to go with all those receiving yards.
-Ditto for Tiki Barber, except with rushing yards.
-Tiki to decide to stay.
-A brownie.
-Brian Westbrook to go from "Q" to "O" so Correll Buckhalter can play.
-Travis Henry to stay off drugs.
-5 keepers that don't include Tony Gonzalez.
-Cadillac to get out of the garage.

Fresh Legs:
-To make it through the injury report without weeping.
-This week's benching of Carson Palmer to be motivational for the slumping Cincy QB.
-Ahman Green to stop being a damn pansy.
-Domanic Rhodes to kick Joseph Addai's ass.
-Deuce McCallister to kick Reggie Bush's.
-Thomas Jones to kick Cedric Benson's.
-Chris Chambers to kick Daunte Culpepper's.
-Heath Miller to start scoring like he did last year.
-In order to regain his biblical strength, Troy Polamalu's hair to grow back.

Cellar Dwellers:
-Neifi Perez to be deactivated for the World Series.
-A wide receiving corp that doesn't include Keenan McCardell and Ernest Wilford.
-And subsequently a clean bill of health for Larry Fitzgerald and Donte Stallworth.
-Shaun Alexander to convert to Catholicism.
-Derek Mason to start catching balls from Steve McNair like they were both in Tennessee.
-The Oakland Raiders to stop sucking long enough for LaMont Jordan to get some damn fantasy points.
-Verron Haynes to never be necessary to fill a RB spot ever again.
-Julius Peppers to start playing on both sides of the ball.
-Kevin Jones to stop being a roller coaster ride.

Father Abraham:
-Donovan McNabb to stay healthy.
-Anquan Boldin to continue shining without Larry opposite him.
-Donovan McNabb to keep on this 13 TD-2 INT ratio.
-LenDale White to stop being stupid and just take the starting job from the other morons in the Titans' backfield.
-Donovan McNabb's 1849 yards to continue to grow and prosper.
-Jason Witten to flashback to his form from a few years ago.
-Donovan McNabb.
-To be rid of the Priest Holmes/Domanick Davis running back curse in 2007.

Tice's Partyboat:
-First and foremost and absolutely most important: Mike Tice to reclaim his position from Brad Childress.
-Fred Smoot and Daunte Culpepper to hang out more often.
-To learn to spell "pleasant."
-Randy Moss to return to Minnesota.
-Edgerrin James to return to Indianapolis
-Adam Vinateri to return to week 1.
-Champ to accidentally click "accept" instead of "decline."
-Reggie Bush.
-Fred Taylor and DeShaun Foster to finally go down with their inevitable injuries. (Why is it taking so damn long this year?)
-2007.

Who Is Ron Mexico?:
-A win.
-Some respect.
-NHL fever to catch on!
-That Kevan Barlow for Chester Taylor deal to do over again.
-To have every transaction turn out as well as Marques Colston has.
-Related, to have everyone have multiple position availability.
-Deion Branch to do that 19 point thing again.
-Reggie Bush to have an offensive touchdown to go with that special teams' one.
-Lil' Eli to grow up.

The VUFSA:
-For everyone to pay their dues.
-Have more than half the people care about the NBA.
-Have everyone have readily available Internet.
-Fewer Walgreens employees as members.
-Some running backs on the waiver wire.
-A competitive baseball season.
-Continued awesome team names.
-John Clayton to come back.
-YouTube videos that include Jean-Claude Van Damme. And dancing.
-The return of Bertrand Berry.

Power Recap- 10/18

I have a new boss who's #1 talent is minimizing his assistant's time off. I don't even have time to be writing this, but I'll try. I don't even have time to update the goddam spreadsheet, and you assholes know I live for that shit. I probably won't have the preview up until Saturday morning, either.

1. The Slumpbusters (4-2) Last Week: 3rd (+2)

-A Sunday Conversation, approx 9:30 et:

Jamie: Hello?
Ed: Hey, what's going on?
Jamie: Um, what's the league record for points in a game?
Ed: (hangs up)

All-Time league high set thanks in part to 3 double touchdowns by Bulger to Holt and 7 players who scored no less than 16 points. There's really nothing else to say, except that outside of maybe Holt- no one on the team did anything this week they couldn't do every week. Scary.

Next Week: Misses the Rams vs. TPB. It won't matter.

2. Madd Skillz (5-1) Last Week: 1st (-1)

-Helped set the other two records in this weekend's epic battle- most points in a loss and most total points between two teams in one game. Wasted a tremendous day from LaDanian Tomlinson, and great days from Steve Smith and Joe Horn- each of whom outscored Larry Johnson and Rudi Johnson combined. It's hard to feel anything but numb about the point total, but let's see you assholes get 15 points from those two and put up 160.

Also, to anyone who bothers to comment "ED! what are you doing! It's only one loss, why are you dropping yourself?" can bite me. I write three regular columns for the blog, which is three more than anyone else. If you can do it better, be my guest.

Next Week: Finally off on a Sunday- but why the hell isn't there a Sunday Night Game? I can't get an answer to this.

3. Naj Davenport's Poop (4-2) Last Week: 2nd (-1)

-Viano got a tremendous effort from his non-Peyton Manning players, with Willie Parker and Ronnie Brown combining for 37.50 and Hines Ward and Marion Barber each getting into double digits. Philip Rivers did his best Peyton Manning impression, scoring 25.25 points in a week where his team had 4 rushing TDs. I look forward to the Bears-Chargers Super Bowl.

Next Week: Takes on Cellar Dwellers, who are still shorthanded. Needs to pad the early season win total, and is on pace to clinch an early playoff spot.

4. The Nihilist Marmot (3-3) Last Week: 4th (-)

-Tiki Barber has his best game of the season, but is still looking to find the end zone. Hard to argue with 22 points regardless though. Missing the Colts hurt, as Isaac Bruce and Antonio Bryant did little to ease their bye week pains. That's what Bruce gets for being a Ram not on Eli's team. Travis Henry is the odds-on favorite for the "Willie Parker Memorial Waiver Pickup of the Year" after a 24 point outburst against the Redskins.

Next Week: Takes on ChamPeons with the opportunity to pass him in the standings and move into playoff position.

5. ChamPeons (4-2) Last Week: 6th (+1)

-Nothingness from David Carr was overcome when Terrell Owens scored 3 Touchdowns so the Cowboys wouldn't have to listen to him pout anymore. On the bright side, got double digits from his kicker and a defender. Julius Jones had a nice day, but his value is way down from where it should be since it's ever more clear that he won't get goal line touches. Both Andre Johnson and Lee Evans had nice days to go along with Owens, and Frank Gore did what he could in a blowout vs. San Diego.

Next Week: Takes on TNM with the opportunity to gather a 2 game cushion in the playoff race.

6. Fresh Legs (3-3) Last Week: 7th (+1)

-Baron has had a strong group of RBs all year, but this week all three of them were outscored by his starting WRs, led by Reggie Brown's 22 points. Laverneus Coles continues to stun, throwing up 19.50 and Chris Chambers overcame Joey Harrington and scored 12. Carson Palmer was decent despite his team scoring just 14 points- though he's been an average QB all season so far.

Next Week: Misses four of his freshest legs, those of Thomas Jones and Deuce McAllister against SKL.

7. Cellar Dwellers (3-3) Last Week: 5th (-2)

-All things considered, had a decent point output, even if it was the 8th highest in the league this week. The Lion offense was kind to Stem, as Kevin Jones had a great day, while Jon Kitna did his job as a replacement QB. LJ Smith had 10 points, but that was really it. Derrick Mason scored zero and Plaxico Burress had 4.50. Julius Peppers continues to be Stem's most consistent player, putting up 13 more points this week.

Next Week: Has a long conversation with Jim Hendry about how to not make a trade once your best player gets hurt, except until after it doesn't matter anymore. Also plays NDP.

8. Who is Ron Mexico? (0-6) Last Week: 10th (+2)

-The one game Dave truly wanted to win all year wasted his all-time franchise-high output of 108.25. Warrick Dunn put up 20 points, while Deion Branch was damn close. TJ Houshmandzadeh was the best Bengal on the field, and Marques Colston scored again. Li'l Eli Manning could have done more than 13.25, but his insistence on throwing 2 interceptions a game knocks him down. Still, outside of a Week 6 hiccup Dave has played very well recently, and will get a win soon.

Next Week: Takes on FA to determine once and for all who's #8 in the power rankings.

9. Father Abraham (2-4) Last Week: 9th (-)

-Has more overall points than Dave, but I can't raise a team with a pregame inactive clogging up a RB spot. This week looks like the point totals we all expected, pre-season. Donovan McNabb and Anquan Boldin have big games, while outside of that only a kicker crosses 7 points. Leon Washington took his breakout game and parlayed that into fewer carries than Kevan Barlow. Jamal Lewis' corpse is really starting to smell, can someone please move it out of here?

Next Week: Looks to prolong the possibility of history in the making, trying to keep WIRM winless to see if it lasts 14 weeks.

10. Tice's Partyboat (2-4) Last Week: 8th (-2)

-Low score for the week vaults Wolfman to the bottom of overall points as well this season. DeAngelo Williams is out for a month now, just to get all the bad news out of the way early. Onto the good news: Drew Brees is playing exceptionally well and his keepage is justified. It's all crap from there on out. The big byes are done, however.

Next Week: Takes on SLM while they have three key players on a bye. Should only be a 15 point underdog in the game.

The Bears are exactly what we thought they were: Undefeated!

This thread about Dennis Green's meltdown after his team choked against the Bears is sponsored by Dennis Green's meltdown after his team choked against the Bears.

Open Thread, Week 6

Will Reggie Bush bring a shit-ton of touchdowns for the Saints? Will the Bears own bitches on Monday Night? Who will win the arch-rival battle of Ed vs. Eli? Cue music and sixteen comments, 14 from JR.

When Good Men Do Nothing

I woke up with a question not too long ago: suppose I had done nothing in the VUFSA baseball league? Made no moves, offered no trades, elected to simply dance with the horsies that brung me? To solve this question, I went back to what the teams looked like on draft day and figured out how every team would have fared if they had kept the team they drafted, and the calculations yielded so many holes that it was barely worth doing. But, I had come that far, so I might as well tell you what I figured. There isn't much of a surprise in the conclusion: Eli simply fucking dominates us.

Am I drunk right now?

Let's review the laws and flaws. That rhymed.

1. Given the minimum games played requirement, it is theoretically sound to say one player, assuming he plays all 162 games, will occupy one position all year. Thus, I included players that were first drafted at each position and made according lineups for each team. This included players that were injured, sadly, such as Derrek Lee, Jonny Gomes and your mom, and that skewered results for the superb team that drafted all three of those players.

2. Given that the pitchers are held to minimum innings and not appearances, I included five starters that had the top inning count and three relievers per team, even though many clubs elected to sit on closers and some elected to draft more than three. It's a crude process, one that excludes such pitchers as Pedro Martinez, Scott Kazmir, Ben Sheets and Rich Harden. I realized later that it would have made sense to choose one and not the other -- most at-bats instead of first players drafted or first pitchers drafted instead of most innings. It was an error. Blow me. Drinks. I just couldn't justify forcing Tomke to include losers after he drafted Justin Verlander and Chien Mien-Wang in the final two rounds. I thought he just loved the Tigers and Asians, especially the young, exploitable kind. Turns out he was good at drafting.

3. Injuries greatly skew these results, as I already mentioned. Champ, who only drafted three closers, must use Eric Gagne and his two innings, which hammers his saves but really helps him in ERA and WHIP. Not only that, but I chose to average OBP, ERA and WHIP among those placed on the roster, rather than look up each individual player's numbers to calculate an accurate number. That's someone else's project. Blow me.

4. Since closers and starters obviously don't go the same number of innings, I crudely included three values for each starting pitcher in ERA and WHIP, one for each of the relievers, then divide by 18 (3 for each of five starters and one for each reliever). Obviously, there's so much rounding/averaging here that it's virtually moot. None of this will make sense unless you really, really think about it, so just forget about it.

5. Of course, this project is inherently flawed. Several players, especially catchers, have no prayers of actually lasting a full 162 games and those players get drafted with that understanding. Also, injuries are unforeseeable and players fill those gaps in the meantime. Mainly, I wanted to see who's original architecture worked the best.

6. I may have mis-added numerous times. Sorry bitches. Also, if you're curious to know which rosters I used, you can email me, especially if you think I added shit wrong. I can make corrections.

	Runs	Home Runs	RBIs	Stolen Bases	OBP	Wins	Saves	Strikeouts	ERA	WHIP
Eli	884	270	906	163	.382	73	105	1033	3.95	1.26
Andy	873	201	750	113	.360	75	109	1037	3.85	1.24
Drew	906	268	936	136	.374	77	51	770	4.53	1.34
JR	809	195	749	155	.366	79	73	964	3.84	1.25
Baron	865	231	793	133	.362	72	74	976	4.14	1.30
Ed	853	200	793	117	.352	73	106	984	4.14	1.32
Lincoln	817	222	773	93	.362	76	83	968	3.98	1.34
Stem	771	225	812	48	.362	70	65	965	4.02	1.25
Tomke	814	232	871	76	.348	93	64	903	4.16	1.34
Champ	853	206	816	114	.357	60	42	699	4.62	1.23

	Runs	Home Runs	RBIs	Stolen Bases	OBP	Wins	Saves	Strikeouts	ERA	WHIP	Total
Eli	9	10	9	10	10	4.5	8	9	8	6	83.5
Andy	8	3	2	4	4	6	10	10	9	9	65
Drew	10	9	10	8	8	8	2	2	2	2	61
JR	2	1	1	9	9	9	5	4	10	7.5	57.5
Baron	7	7	4.5	7	6	3	6	7	4.5	5	57
Ed	5.5	1	4.5	6	2	4.5	9	8	4.5	4	50
Lincoln	4	5	3	3	6	7	7	6	7	2	50
Stem	1	6	6	1	6	2	4	5	6	7.5	44.5
Tomke	3	8	8	2	1	10	3	3	3	2	43
Champ	5.5	4	7	5	3	1	1	1	1	10	38.5

Week 6 Preview

Game of the Week

Madd Skillz vs. The Slumpbusters (+1.5)

The two highest scoring teams in VUFSA history square off, with SLM looking to hand SKL their first loss of the season...Teams were 1 and 2 in the preaseason poll...Both teams have performed well in Week 6s- each averaging over 122 pts in this frame...Schillinger took the first three meetings between the franchises before Gieryna got his first win in Week 10 of 2005.

News and Notes, SKL

Larry Johnson is the primary concern for the club right now, and the good news is that he looks like he's going to play on Sunday. How effective he'll be against a defense like Pittsburgh, however, is up in the air...Has two great opponents on the slate- with both LaDanian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates playing the Niners, while Terry Glenn and possibly Drew Bledsoe playing the Texans D...Chad Johnson needs to get things going- he's been overlooked in the Bengals offense so far...Key Byes: Chester Taylor...Key Injuries: Larry Johnson (Probable)

News and Notes, SLM

Gets a double dip on the Tennesee defense this week, sending studs Clinton Portis and Santana Moss out against the weakling Titans...Two more RBs with nice matchups- Tatum Bell vs. Oak should get big time yardage and Willis McGahee vs. Det should manage a score on the ground...The determining factor in this game will be just how good the Seahawk defense is. The Seahawks have been assumed to be a strong defensive team based on their past few years. However, they've been torched by both the Giant and Bear offenses their last two times out. Plus, Marc Bulger is usually very good against the divisional foe. I don't actually know whether or not this is a good or bad matchup going in, but even an average game (like 17-21 points) would benefit SLM immensely...Key Byes: Ben Watson...Key Injuries: Jeremy Shockey (Probable), Roy Williams (Probable)

On Deck

Fresh Legs vs. Cellar Dwellers (+11.5)

The two biggest MASH units in the league dual in this one- Baron dealing with owies to Ahman Green, Brian Westbrook and Laverneus Coles, while Stem deals with Shaun Alexander, Larry Fitzgerald and Donte Stallworth...Just 2.25 points and one win separate these two teams overall, and while it will be hard to distinguish one's self from the pack this week- a win over such a close competitor would be a big deal...Stem has beaten Baron both times they have played.

News and Notes, FL

The ongoing injury status of Brian Westbrook is positive this week- but it has been before. The Eagles stud back has been practicing, and should have a decent day against the Saints if he goes...Carson Palmer is done missing games for the year, and it's really time for him to turn it up for Baron. Palmer is ranked 24th among all QBs in the league- just 1.50 points more than the recently benched Daunte Culpepper, and 5.50 fewer than the legendary Damon Huard...Laverneus Coles' injury news is not as bright as Westbrooks, and despite a his fair share of byes, Baron'll have a decent longshot in Patrick Crayton to replace him, if necessary...Thomas Jones is just starting to get hot, and when he's playing well, Baron's top3 runners are scary...Key Byes: Ahman Green, Dominic Rhodes, Doug Gabriel, Dallas Clark...Key Injuries: Brian Westbrook (Questionable), Laverneus Coles (Questionable)

News and Notes, CD

It's a bad time for Stem to put forth his worst starting lineup of the year, so far. Subbing Jon Kitna for Tom Brady, Keenan McCardell for Larry Fitzgerald and Verron Haynes for Shaun Alexander represents three tremendous drops in production...LaMont Jordan has been beyond disappointing, and things don't look much brighter against a stellar Denver defense this week...Concussed Kevin Jones is too inconsistent to be relied on, although the Bears ran on the Bills last week...1 out of every 6 catches Plaxico Burress makes is in the end zone...In order for Stem to be successful, he'll need more than a standard game from Derrick Mason- he'll need him to get into the end zone...Key Byes: Tom Brady...Key Injuries: Shaun Alexander (Out), Larry Fitzgerald (Doubtful), Donte Stallworth (Doubtful)

The 3 Spot

Father Abraham vs. Naj Davenport's Poop (-13)

It's a little odd to see these two teams just one win from one another in the standings...This has been the 2nd worst week, statistically, for Viano- garnering just 84.88 points in week 6s, well below his career average of 109.01...This has been a pretty lopsided rivalry so far, Viano is 3-1 vs. Souzek lifetime.

News and Notes, FA

Leon Washington is coming on at a great time for Souzek- and although he may not be a long-term answer at RB, he has a nice outlook for the rest of this season...LenDale White has a ton of potential, but I can't shake the feeling that he just doesn't have the mental fortitude to be successful. He's questionable for this week, and can't surpass Travis Henry on the Titan depth chart. Tennessee has nothing to play for but next season, and the rookie has only managed 26 rushes so far this season. The Titans let the partially retarded play QB for them, but White as a backup? I have a bad feeling about him right now...Joey Galloway has been very strong the last three games, and he can be used as a nice trade chip down the road, or even as a potential keeper for next season- all pending Bruce Gradkowski's development, of course...Key Byes: Fred Taylor, Troy Williamson...Key Injuries: LenDale White (Questionable), Drew Bennett (Questionable), Leon Washington (Probable), Desmond Clark (Probable), Domanick Davis (IR)

News and Notes, NDP

It appears as if Peyton Manning picked an acceptable week to sit out. Philip Rivers fills in for Peyton, and has a nice matchup against San Fransico, and is finally being allowed to do something with his arm- 37 pass attempts last week (a career high)...Despite the fact that the RB corps is just brimming with potential- two starters this week are crapshoots. Jerious Norwood was sensational in his last game because of a 78 yard TD run (almost half his fantasy points this year came on that one run) but oustide of that he only got 5 carries. Marion Barber has scored in his last three games, but is not a guarantee from week-to-week. If both can do the most with their limited opportunities, there's no reason to worry, but if not...Will actually miss Greg Jennings this week, what a tremendous draft sleeper that guy was...Key Byes: Peyton Manning, Greg Jennings, Matt Jones...Key Injuries: Todd Heap (Questionable), Jerious Norwood (Questionable), Bobby Engram (Questionable)

Batting Cleanup

The Nihilist Marmot vs. Who is Ron Mexico (+8)

No love lost here...For all the grief we give JR, Week 6 is the only week where his teams average less than 90 points (86.75)...Week 6 and 7, JR is a combined 0-4, while going 12-2 from week 8 forward...JR has won the only matchup between these two franchises.

News and Notes, TNM

Mr. Radcliffe has been fond of his WRs all season, and is missing his two best ones this week. He has enough depth to cover them adequately, but I find it interesting that this is the week where his WRs cease to be his greatest strength...The running game for JR has never been better- and I mean for the past three years. Though two of the RBs he starts this week are far from superstars, both are capable of double digit weeks to complement his existing stud backs...Will there come a time when Tony Gonzalez gets replaced? Damon Huard's shocking competency and Trent Green's impending return mean that there is still hope for Tony G, but he had just one catch last week and hasn't hit the end zone since week 1...Corell Buckhalter is a nice player to have on your bench right now, in case Travis Henry or DeShaun Foster fall off and Brian Westbrook's injury gets worse...Key Byes: Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Brett Farve...Key Injuries: Chad Pennington (Probable)

News and Notes, WIRM

I say with 90% confidence that this is the best lineup Dave has ever fielded...Reggie Bush gets more productive every week, and this will be Warrick Dunn's first action in the Mexican backfield. As long as Ron Dayne gets the ball and Kevan Barlow handles the goal line, Dave's in good shape...Michael Robinson was supposed to be a viable back in goal line situations- but failed in those circumstances 3x last week. If he's not getting the ball within the 5 yard line, he's not getting it at all and his value is nil...Hank Baskett was a nice pickup, even if he is #6 on the WR depth chart for Dave...Jeff Wilkins is a Robbie Gould-esque stud right now; great pickup...Key Byes: Braylon Edwards...Key Injuries: Kevan Barlow (Probable)

The 5 Hole

Tice's Partyboat vs. ChamPeons (-16.5)

This matchup probably sets a VUFSA record with 2.5 white receivers taking the field...Wolfman has never lost a Week 6 game before...Champ's best football team ever can win it's 4th game this year, leaving them 8 games to win the minimum 4 more games they would need to have a shot at the playoffs- although with parity playing out the way it is, we may see a team sneak in with 7...Did you know that if SKL, TPB, TNM, FA and FL win this week (somewhat conceivable) we could have eight 3-3 teams in the league?...Drew is 2-1 vs. Champ all-time.

News and Notes, TPB

Capt. Wolf claims that this is his worst lineup ever, but I feel Week 8 of last season (also against Champ) in which Warrick Dunn and Edgerrin James were replaced by negative RB scores is in the running...Wes Welker is actually a pretty good start this week. Marty Booker is out for a while and the Jets have shown little interest in stopping teams. Then again, Joey Harrington. (For the record, when I woke up on Sunday, Jamie came to me and said "I picked someone up for the team, but I don't think it was a good idea." And that's how the Joey Harrington era on SKL was born)...Though he wasn't playing particularly well, the DeAngelo Williams injury may just be the nail in the coffin for TPB, as Stephen Davis now has a roster spot in our league...Key Byes: Ruben Droughns, Maurice Jones-Drew, Donald Driver...Key Injuries: DeAngelo Williams (Out)

News and Notes, CHM

This appears to be David Carr's team for the rest of the season- as the only other QBs on the roster are named Daunte Culpepper and Damon Huard. Carr's had a very good season, and may end up being a very good fantasy QB, but it's tough to rely on a guy without a strong track record...Terrell Owens has to be on the verge of a breakout, doesn't he? There's no way he's over the hill already...Eric Parker is a good pickup to make up for the bye weeks of Maroney/Addai...Frank Gore has a real tough matchup against SD this week, but he didn't fumble last week, and should get more goal line looks since Michael Robinson stinks...Julius Jones has looked awesome the last two weeks; expect another big game against Houston...Key Byes: Joseph Addai, Laurence Maroney, Corey Dillon...Key Injuries: Randy McMichael (Probable), Daunte Culpepper? (Doubtful)

==========

I'll close with a brief story Champ has relayed to me showcasing his extreme WVUR Pride. He'll make a lot of friends in Richmond.

"Morning DJ: Brent, what are you going to be doing this weekend?
Champ: Well, I am going to be headed up to Valparaiso for the weekend, and I was planning on seeing my girlfriend and some friends from college.
Morning DJ: Oh, well that's nice.
Mid-day female DJ: Wait...you graduated from where again?
Champ: Valparaiso University.
Mid-day female DJ: With a degree in what now?
Champ: Sports Broadcasting.
Mid-day female DJ: Reeeally...well I graduated from Ball State, Brent. A public school...not one of those private schools that you went to...Did you know that Ball State is number three in the nation in terms of communications?..Number three in the nation, Brent!
Champ: That's interesting. Did you know that WVUR Valparaiso University's College Radio Station and my college radio station, was voted Indiana Radio School of the Year last year by the Indiana Association of Student Broadcasters...And I'm trying to think of who was number two, but I'm having a tough time remembering...
Morning DJ: Whoa. Look out!
Mid-day female DJ: Well, do you know who was number one when I was going to school there, college boy?..yeah, I think we were.
Champ: Whatever you say...number two.
(3 seconds of some funky techno bed music passes)
Mid-day female DJ: Why you little!..
Morning DJ: Let's get the forecast from Storm Kennedy!

...He got the forecast from Storm Kennedy.

VUR Pride."