Week 12 Recapitulation

Well, things just got more boring in the VUFSA (obligatory league-self-deprecation remark: They got more boring? Is that even possible? Hee hee, harf harf).

With Champ's win over Dave, ChamPeons took a two-game lead for a playoff berth with just two weeks remaining. Given Champ's healthy point lead, he's unlikely to lose that spot. With Stem, Drew and Ed already clinching playoff berths, the playoff field is essentially locked up.

So, with that said, on to the recapitulation, the theme of which is not looking up any stats and instead making them up, because who's actually checking my work?

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Who is Ron Mexico? 90.50
ChamPeons 105.25

This turned out to be the most important game of the week, as a win from Dave would have put both him and Champ at 6-6. But hey, he didn't win and now here we are.

Champ didn't have any spectacular performances, though a rejuvenated Deion Branch put forth a pretty nice effort and Drew Brees was solid as always. As previously stated, Champ should make the playoffs barring a total collapse on his end AND some unlikely strong weeks from any of the 5-7 teams.

Dave was led by Louis Delmas' 29.75 points.

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Cover Tooth 112.00
Awkward Emoticons ;) 175.75

Whoa, Drew! Everyone's third-favorite Walgreens manager absolutely went off this week thanks to a couple of notable performances, including Tom Brady (35.25 points), Dwayne Bowe (97 points) and Vernon Davis (2 points). The high point total is notable in that it pushed Drew ahead of Stem in the points standings to give him an edge for the No. 1 seed, if that race would come down to it.

Also, Drew, you're welcome for Dwayne Bowe.

Welty absorbed yet another loss coming from an opponent with a high point total. He now possesses this year's honor of having the most points scored against him: 45,649.

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Stranger in the Alps 106.25
Stanzi Loves America 122.75


Every time I see Peyton Hillis celebrate a touchdown, I'm reminded of this.


Hillis' pre-game steroid/cocaine cocktail led him to 37.50 points this week and he's now the No. 2 running back in the VUFSA behind Arian Foster. To all of the owners out there who aren't even reading this and didn't want to trade for him and are just now inquiring, go choke on your previously-offered 2017 9th-round draft pick. Hillis now costs a literal shit-ton, plus $5,000.

But alas, I'm burying the lede here. Despite SuperGod's massive arm-flexing effort, Stem won in order to stay even with Drew at the top of the league. Aaron Rodgers, who the national media loves because he has as many career playoff wins as Jay Cutler, led with the way with approximately 25 points.

Additionally, the figment of imagination named "Steve Johnson" managed to blow the game for the Bills this week (despite not even existing) and made a 15-year-old Onion headline finally come true by blaming God for the loss. It was AWESOME.

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Marty Booker 88.25
1-800-222-1222 84.75

Despite Baron's homoerotic, Monday-morning smack talk that spoke of "needing" a man named Frank, Ed managed to pull through when Baron's object of desire broke his hip. In doing so, Frank Gore set a world record by becoming the youngest person ever to break a hip, clearing the previous mark by 46 years, which had been held by Prazsky Sedlakjehlickakladivotnik of Garamszentkereszt, Slovakia.

Moving away from frail and crappy to manly and badass, Andre Johnson scored 12.50 points for Ed and beat the living crap out of Cortland Finnegan, which made pretty much everyone happy because Finnegan is a Grade A doucherocket and getting punched in the face is now what he'll most be remembered for in his career.

The loss put Baron back into the slums and the race for the No. 1 pick in next year's draft, which carries with it the right to draft the next Ryan Mathews.

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Truly Fucking Awful 91.25
Let My Monkeys Go 87.25

I'm not talking about JR's team because he doesn't read this blog and he pissed me off by talking about how he wanted to lose, which is my shtick, damn it.

Andy, meanwhile, owns Jamaal Charles, who is awesome. Despite that, he's dropped 4 straight games and has fallen completely out of contention into VUFSA Purgatory which, I can assure you, is not as great as everyone says.

Therefore, in conclusion:


THX, THO...

Week 11 Recap

"I KNOW KUNG FU"

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GAME OF THE WEEK!!!

Awkward Emoticons ;) (8-3): 140.50
Marty Booker (7-4): 140.25

What happened: A true thriller, going down to the wire on Monday Night, with Brandon Lloyd facing off against Philip Rivers. (DJ Williams and Randy McMichael were along for the ride as well). A late score from Lloyd gave Drew the closest win in VUFSA history.

MVP: Dwyane Bowe and his 20 points set the tone for a big game.

Least VP: Andre Johnson (3.00) came up very small, especially compared to the monster weeks from Drew's WRs.

Vince Young Says: "Me and Coach Fish are cool. He takin me to Dave and Busters tonight! Lotsa sexy waitress there he say."

What it means: Oddly, not that much. Both teams are on a collision course for the 2-3 game in the playoffs, but Drew has a better chance of chasing down the #1 seed after this.

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EXCITING BUT ULTIMATELY NOT VERY MEANINGFUL!!!

1-800-222-1222 (4-7): 135.50
Stranger in the Alps (4-7): 127.50

What happened: Roethlisraper (38.50) to Wallace (13.50) led the way, despite a great effort by the Peytons (31.50 for Manning and 17.00 for Hillis).

MVP: Arian Foster as always, 22 points.

Least VP: Does anyone remember back during WVUR fantasy baseball when Rhodes had Daryl Kile in his starting lineup the entire 2002 season? I get that feeling when I see Randy Moss (0.00) in Eli's lineup. Someone has to break it to him that Randy is no longer with us.

Vince Young Says: "RIP to my homey Randy Moss! Imma miss you! I gotta tell Coach Fish we need a new backup for Nate Washington."

What it means: Baron's team is so much better than we originally thought, and stunningly, has an outside chance to make the playoffs with some help. Don't laugh- he has the tiebreaker now.

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BLOWOUT #1!!!

Truly Fucking Awful (4-7): 133.00
Who is Ron Mexico? (5-6): 77.25

What happened: Nostalgia does Dave no good, as his team's namesake dropped 36.00 points off of last week's total and fell well short of a fired up JR team. Greg Jennnings (28.50) was jaw-droppingly good.

MVP: Jennings. Honorable Mention to Ced Benson and the Virgin QB.

Least VP: Michael Crabtree who is terrible.

Vince Young Says: "PROPS TO MY BOY MIKE VICK. He got this good from his rookie year to year two, then he gone be scary good next year. I like watchin Vick cuz it look like me but in a mirror."

What it means: Bad week for Dave's team to not show up, as he stays behind Champ in 5th. He'll never admit it, but JR absolutely relished beating his nemesis.

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BLOWOUT #2!!!

Stanzi Loves America (8-3): 143.50
Let My Monkeys Go (5-6): 71.75

What happened: Aaron Rodgers (37.50) and Michael Turner (19.50) were tremendous, to go along with a rare Larry Fitzgerald (13.00) sighting. Just two double digit guys for Andy.

MVP: "Steve Johnson" who had 28 points on three TD catches.

Least VP: Jahvid Best, who has good keeper potential but is a shaky week-to-week option.

Vince Young Says: "You ever see that movie "Last Boy Scout"? Why don't more teams try that? I ran that in practice two years ago and we scored easy. Coach Fish so impressed he cancel practice the next day and took us to that dude's funeral."

What it means: Stem has virtually clinched a playoff spot, three games up in the loss column with only three to play.

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BLOWOUT #3!!!

ChamPeons (6-5): 135.50
Cover Tooth (4-7): 91.00

What happened: Drew Brees continued the trend of QBs going fucking nuts this week, one of FOUR that went over 30 points. LeSean McCoy (20.50) and Matt Forte (16.00) were stellar. Braylon Edwards and Roddy White each hit double digits for Adam.

MVP: Marques Colston (21.00). WR has been a weak spot for Champ all year, so days like this are enormous on an already solid team.

Least VP: Darren McFadden. Notched just two points against a very tough Steeler team.

Vince Young Says: "I don't mind being on IR too bad, I figure Coach Fish just keepin me fresh for THA PLAYOFFS!"

What it means: Big win for Champ, who makes himself the clear favorite to lose to Stem in the playoffs.

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Week 10 Recap

"REMEMBER GUYS...NO ONE GOES 0-16 BUT US!"

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EPIC MONDAY NIGHT THUNDER!!!

Stanzi Loves America (7-3): 110.00
Stanton for Heisman! (5-5): 126.00

What happened: The Chiefs got their teeth kicked in, and Matt Cassel exploded for 38.25 points. Somehow that wasn't enough as Michael Vick scored 44.50 IN THE FIRST HALF giving Dave a thundering of biblical proportions, finishing with a VUFSA record 55 points. Stem's normally good RBs were pretty bad, with all three combining for 16.00 points. Maurice Jones-Drew topped that himself with a 24.00 showing.

MVP: Who the fuck do you think?

Least VP: CJ Spiller, who notched just one point and left early with an injury. Hines Ward (0.00) and Jason Witten (0.50) were also notably absent.

What it means haiku: Stem still in first place. Tomke has resurrected. Now three five-win teams.

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LESS INTERESTING THUNDER!!!

ChamPeons (5-5): 104.00
Suhssical (3-7): 96.50

What happened: Jay Cutler (23.50) did just enough to counter Matt Ryan's (32.00) huge Thursday. LeSean McCoy's early Monday touchdown pushed Champ ahead in the game and back into playoff position. Legadu Blount (15.50) led a very balanced effort for Brent.

MVP: Matt Ryan. Just think of how good he'll be after he loses his virginity.

Least VP: I'm starting to hate this category. Joel Dreesen (-0.50) I guess? Reggie Wayne's 2.50 probably hurts more when you weigh in expectations.

What it means haiku: Champ back in playoffs. JR continues rebuild. Poor guy, Joel Dreessen.

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MANNING VS. BRADY!!!

Awkward Emoticons (7-3): 130.25
Stranger in the Alps (4-6): 88.50

What happened: Peyton Manning would have had more opportunities to score had he been playing on the Colts defense against Carson Palmer. As is, he was completely outshone by Tom Brady (38.25 to 8.00) and that pretty much decided things. Brandon Lloyd (19.00) and Dez Bryant (12.50) cover for the very mediocre RB output for Drew. Dwayne Bowe and Randy Moss combined for 29 points for Eli, Bowe accounting for 27.50 of them.

MVP: Brady. HEY HAVE YOU GUYS NOTICED HE HAS LONG HAIR THIS YEAR?

Least VP: Kathy Brockdorf. Because I saw her exact look-alike at a gay bar I was at on Friday.

What it means haiku: Very good score Drew. Loses slight edge in tiebreak. Eli glad to lose?

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MOST TOTAL POINTS!!!

Marty Booker (7-3): 168.50
Cover Tooth (4-6): 106.00

What happened: Schillinger had a very good week all around, putting up the highest total in the league so far. Chris and Andre Johnson scored 17.50 each, and that tied them for 5th highest score in the Marty Booker lineup. Roddy White (24.00) and Knowshon Moreno (19.50) had outstanding games for Cover Tooth.

MVP: The Jaguar Hail Mary. With zero seconds on the clock, Schillinger got a double touchdown by way of the 50-yard miracle completion from David Garrard (27.00) to Mike Thomas (18.00).

Least VP: Kevin Burnett, some asshole defender who couldn't even be bothered to play this week. Also probably Kyle Orton and his 34.50 bench points.

What it means haiku: Tough week for Adam. Super high score for Edwin. Sure I'll suck next week.

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NO SUCKAGE THIS WEEK!!!

1-800-222-1222 (3-7): 159.00
Let My Monkeys Go (5-5): 96.50

What happened: Baron got a handful of double digit performances before the Roethlisberger (30.50) to Mike Wallace (22.50) explosion on Sunday Night. That propelled him to the 2nd highest VUFSA tally this season. Jamaal Charles (16.50) and Eli Manning (22.50) led the way for Andy. WAIT HOLY SHIT BARON IS FOURTH IN TOTAL POINTS NOW?

MVP: Jared Allen, who registered his fifth sack of the season and is now on pace for almost ten!

Least VP: Who cares. Whoever had the fewest points. Tony Moeaki and Jordan Shipley can flip a coin, they each had less than two.

What it means haiku: Andy falls to sixth. Baron stuck in the cellar? Not so fast my friend!

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Biggest Busts of 2010

Bad luck? Bad draft? Bad talent evaluation? Whatever the case, the VUFSA always has its share of busts. Here are the worst ones thus far per Yahoo's "expert" rankings.

Reggie Bush (Stanton for Heisman!)
Preseason Ranking: 61
Current Ranking: 2206
Difference: -2145

Shitton!

Pierre Thomas (Suhssical)
Preseason Ranking: 21
Current Ranking: 220
Difference: -199

Oh when the Saints! Suck real bad! Oh when the Saints suck real bad! Oh how I want to re-draft! When the Saints suck real bad!

Beanie Wells (Stranger in the Alps)
Preseason Ranking: 27
Current Ranking: 197
Difference: -170

Tim Hightower just shouldn't be a better option on any team, real life or fantasy.

Jonathan Stewart (Suhssical)
Preseason Ranking: 32
Current Ranking: 201
Difference: -169

Has lost as many fumbles as touchdowns scored.

Steve Smith - Carolina (ChamPeons)
Preseason Ranking: 34
Current Ranking: 194
Difference: -160

Just for fun, let's look at Matt Moore and Jimmy Clausen's TD to INT ratio: 6 TD 14 INT. Ick.

Marion Barber (Stranger in the Alps)
Preseason Ranking: 51
Current Ranking: 204
Difference: -153

So they put the offensive "guru" in charge of the Cowboys. Can't be any worse, I suppose.

Pierre Garcon (Let My Monkeys Go)
Preseason Ranking: 65
Current Ranking: 210
Difference: -145

Austin Collie is barely conscious, Dallas Clark and Anthony Gonzalez are lost to injury, and yet Pierre just can't seem to recapture last season's magic with but one 100 yard receiving game this year.

Shonn Greene (Suhssical)
Preseason Ranking: 9
Current Ranking: 146
Difference: -137

One guy who isn't all smiles about LT's comeback this season. Two if you count JR.

DeAngelo Williams (ChamPeons)
Preseason Ranking: 12
Current Ranking: 149
Difference: -137

The third and final member of the Carolina disaster on this list.

Ryan Mathews (Let My Monkeys Go)
Preseason Ranking: 8
Current Ranking: 127
Difference: -119

#1 overall is on his way to joining VUFSA's Nate Burleson in NFL's Ryan Leaf territory.

Felix Jones (Stranger in the Alps)
Preseason Ranking: 48
Current Ranking: 153
Difference: -105

See Marion Barber above.

Week 9 Recap

GIVE ME ALL YOUR STEROIDS

Special thanks to professional writer Eli Gieryna for not only filling in last week, but also for putting the quality writing standard out of my reach.

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GAME OF THE WEEK!!!

Stanzi Loves America (7-2): 131.25
Suhssical (3-6): 114.75

What happened: The best 1-2 punch at RB in the league combined for 47 points, then Aaron Rodgers (33.75) showed up on Sunday night to put the game away. Ahmad Bradshaw (20.00) performed admirably in the loss.

MVP: For shit's and giggles, I'm giving it to "Steve Johnson" ("12.50") again because even though I watched him play this week, I'm still 98% sure he is a figment of Stem's imagination.

Least VP: Jonathan Stewart (0.00) got his shot at a start this week for the Panthers, and the long-time prospect failed to deliver a single point. A lost fumble completely erased an already disappointing performance.

What it means: Stem is unbeatable. Deal with it. JR traded away Tom Brady, and while he's not his normal immortal self this year (Brady, not JR) that might signify a rebuilding Radcliffe.

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SLIGHTLY LESS INTERESTING GAME!!!

Awkward Emoticons ;) (6-3): 118.00
Let My Monkeys Go (5-4): 89.00

What happened: A big thundering for Drew this week, getting over 40 points on Monday Night, including 24.50 from Terrell Owens. New acquisition Tom Brady (20.75) made himself comfortable, scoring 13 more points than previous starter Matt Schaub. Viano got 16.50 from Dallas Clark clone Jacob Tamme, but four offensive starters came in at under three points.

MVP: Owens, who's early score let Drew relax and then his late score that let Drew go to bed at his normal time, 6:30 in the evening, just after a nice dose of the local news. Because Drew's old.

Least VP: This just in to the VUFSA blog news desk: Ryan Mathews is bad. A reminder: the company that employs Brad Evans ranked him as the 8th most valuable commodity in fantasy football before the season.

What it means: Despite the loss, Viano stays in 4th, and holds on to 10th place in total points scored. I'm hearing rumors that he expects to cross the 900 point barrier as early as next week.

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I WAS PAYING ATTENTION A LITTLE BIT, I GUESS!!!

Stanton for Heisman! (4-5): 126.50
1-800-222-1222 (2-7): 113.75

What happened: Something called Javarris James scored two touchdowns for the Colts and Brandon Jackson had a huge game on Sunday Night- it looked like an easy road for Tomke on Monday night. This game turned into a suprisingly interesting contest, with Mike Wallace and Ben Roethlisberger spearheading a small comeback.

MVP: Michael Vick and his 27.25 points. Seven of those points came on rushing yards alone, while Baron managed just 11.25 total from his QB spot.

Least VP: Arian Foster, who was amazing again this week but is watching his excellent season absolutely wasted. Word out of Houston is that he has demanded a trade. To my team.

What it means: Dave has played his way back into playoff contention and now has to face a Rodgers-less Stem squad next week.

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THE TOYOTA ASS-BEATING OF THE WEEK!!!

Marty Booker (6-3): 108.25
Champeons (4-5): 82.00

What happened: Philip Rivers (30.25) had an enormous game for a depleted Schillinger lineup, while Champ could not capitalize on what should have been an enormous RB advantage. Last second substitute James Jones (16.00) turned in the matchup's 2nd highest score.

MVP: Ronnie Brown (16.00) stepped in with both Steven Jackson and Chris Johnson on a bye week and gave a legitimate RB1 performance.

Least VP: TE Brent Celek matched the inactive Antonio Gates' output.

What it means: Gives a little clarity to the postseason. Schill takes a two game lead on 5th place, while Champ falls into four team dogpile at 4-5 despite starting out 4-2 this season.

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A QUARANTINE OF SUCKAGE!!!

Stranger in the Alps (4-5): 104.75
Cover Tooth (4-5): 80.75

What happened: Eli won, despite quitting.

MVP: Peyton (the other one)

Least VP: Beanie

What it means: INTRIGUE!

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Plying a Trade

The Trade. The ever frightening trade.

What was once a blossoming league full of activity, vivaciousness and promiscuity has matured into boring, repetitive, same position rosters. When we constructed this sexy league, we made it full of keepers and draft picks to stimulate interest for future seasons. What we also did was scare the crap out of anyone who considers remaking their line-up for fear of say trading Marshall Faulk for pocket full of beans and setting their franchise back a season.

Ed wanted to write a point/counter-point on how best to generate some league transaction involving other people than imaginary money. I struggle with this because I have no idea how to make it happen and I generally hate other people. Mostly the latter. That said, here's our discussion.

The Cold Call:

Edwin and I both used to sell Cut Co. knives, and we did this cold calling thing all the time.

"Mam, you vaguely know me through some references. Can I come into your home with sharp things and try to coerce money from you?"

Yeah, we vaguely see one another. In fact, we even let a guy who didn't go to Valpo into the league. So what? Make the first contact and nudge your way into a little trade conversation. After that, use a little charm and see where the old lady's sweet spot is.

"Oh, so you like to cut federal currency in half? Perfect. I've got some super shears that can slice a penny in two."

We joke that Champ loves Eddie Kennison, but the good Lord knows if Yahoo still listed him as a player, I'd pick him up, package him together with some other spare parts, and end up with Drew Brees. Every one has a sweet spot.

"Your rottweiler is gnawing on my leg, mam, I'm really going to need to depart now."

If every one in the bottom half of the league properly gave up on their season once playoff-achieving was a distant dream (read Cleveland sports), they would turn around and offer the top half of the league anything for draft picks. Fact of the matter is when our teams fail, we lose interest rather than properly dismantling our clubs. Know when to go out and make a spectacular scene in so doing.

As I depart you for whatever Edwin's crappy argument is, I'm going to go and review the two trades sitting in my queue. Thank you, for the call, sir. You may visit with your weapons, and I shall choose my weapons accordingly.

The Want Ad:

A majority of what I do when looking to complete a trade is done via carefully crafted proposals. That said, if left with the choice, I would much, much prefer a wide open dialogue and interested parties seeking me out.

I still work in direct sales. So very much of what I do is based on internet leads from lead aggregators. If I could bring my business model to VUFSA trading, my fantasy world would be a more peaceful place.

When someone wants a quote on insurance, a bell in my inbox rings, and I call them on the phone.

It's great when you know you're reaching out to a captive audience. This is why I love (trying to) use the trading block. There's no harm in telling others what you need, and it's so much easier when people contact you if they have it. I'm guilty of assuming things about others' rosters only to see that assumption traded for less than I would have given. It's ridiculous. There's no reason not to take your commodity onto the open market before cashing it in.

I've heard arguments against using the trading block for fear that it devalues your player- it makes it seem like you are ready to be rid of them. I disagree. I have confidence in my ability to rate player's value, and I can decide whether or not a player has a place on my roster.

Once on the phone, I ask a lot of open ended questions and try to gather as much information about their decision as possible.

The biggest problem I have with Drew's method of cold trade proposals- most of the time, they get rejected back with no comments or counter. Door closed, nothing gained. I often try to send emails (usually via yahoo, so as not to feel so dorky) asking general questions about specific positions or player's availability, giving the other owner the chance to name their price. (3 of 4 of these emails go unanswered) At worst, I find out someone is unattainable or too costly and I don't waste my time.

I think everyone agrees that the more movement we have in the VUFSA, the better. This concludes a scattershot OMTB of "Blind Trades vs. Not Blind Trades."

Week 8 Recap

Hello? Anyone? ... OK then. To the recap, where I will steal Ed's recapitulation formula because I'm feeling a little sleepy today.

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GAME OF THE WEEK!!!

Let My Monkeys Go: 107.50
Cover Tooth: 98.50

What happened: This game had valuable playoff implications, as the winner of the matchup would move into the fourth and final playoff position, assuming the season ended today, which it unfortunately does not. Anyway, Monkeys came out on top here as Cover Tooth was unable to get past a couple of pretty terrible performances.

MVP: Jamaal Charles is a candidate here for his 177 yards of rushing on, like, one carry, but I'm going to go with Sebastian Janikowski who had 15 points to counter Welty's kicker, Dan Carpenter, and his 17 points. If Viano gets a standard kicker week here, he probably loses. 32 combined points from kickers? That HAS to be a VUFSA record, right? Someone get Elias Sports Bureau on the horn.

Least VP: We'll have to go with Carolina's David Gettis here, who followed up an 8-catch, 126-yard, 2-touchdown performance by not catching a single pass AND running backwards just far enough that he ended up in the red for the week. In addition, he pooped in the team water jug and gave Knowshon Moreno E. coli poisoning.

Brett Favre says: "Mmmrrfff mwwaahh my jawwww"

What it means: Big things for Andy, as he's won three weeks in a row to move into playoff position where he controls his own destiny despite scoring the fewest points in the league this year what the fuck.

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SLIGHTLY LESS INTERESTING GAME!!!

Stanzi Loves America: 114.00
ChamPeons: 98.00

What happened: Stanzi wins again to pull a game ahead of everyone else in first place. The loss pushed ChamPeons into 6th place on the season at 4-4. Stanzi was led by Calvin Johnson's three touchdowns, plus a nice day from Adrian Peterson. ChamPeons got a surprise 22 points from plowshare-battering-ram-plowshare Legedugarrett Blountnaanee or someone, but it wasn't enough.

MVP: Calvin Johnson, as previously stated. Supporting MVP goes to Steve Johnson, who keeps putting up good numbers in Buffalo despite no one actually knowing who he is, where he came from, or when (if?!) he was actually born.

Least VP: Marshawn Lynch, who rumbled his way to 7 yards on 9 carries.

Brett Favre says: "I had just gotten out of the pool, OK, so it was .... look, it-it's not like that all the time."

What it means: It means that Stem is in outstanding position for the No. 1 seed, with a one-win advantage over everyone else and a healthy points lead as well. Champ will be forced to climb over several teams in the coming weeks to get back into the playoff hunt. Giggity.

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I WAS PAYING ATTENTION A LITTLE BIT, I GUESS!!!

Stanton for Heisman: 115.50
Awkward Emoticons: 97.50

What happened: Dave, in desperation, was forced to start Matt Stafford at quarterback and he predictably -- wait, what? Matt Stafford had 33.50 points? Meanwhile, Drew got zero points from a starting running back and another stinker of a performance from Matt Schaub. All of that added up to a win for Dave. Bitches. Random note: Dave's bench scored exactly zero points this week, so kudos on excellent lineup construction.

MVP: Fat Jowls Matt Stafford, bitches. Sometimes just heaving the ball in Calvin Johnson's general direction is all that's needed to have a huge fantasy day.

Least VP: Chris Ivory, bitches, who had a tough matchup against the Steelers and came up with only a handful of yards before leaving the game with a concussion. When is there going to be an extended national conversation about all of these hard hits in the NFL and the damage they're causing?

Brett Favre says: "Wait, so this week my No. 1 receiver is Bernard Berrian?Aww man , I think my ankle hurts again."

What it means: Drew remains in second place, but is tied with two other teams at 5-3. He has a nice points lead, bitches, but he'll need to get more consistent production across the board if he wants to hang on to that playoff spot. Dave has a sliver of a chance at the postseason after this win and given how he finished last year, he'll certainly take his shot at getting there.

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THE TOYOTA ASS-BEATING OF THE WEEK!!!

Marty Booker: 127.75
Stranger in the Alps: 74.75

What happened: Ed scored the highest point total of the week; Eli scored the lowest point total of the week. Even still, Eli was only the addition of one extra roster spot filled by a mythical player who scores 53.50 points away from winning this matchup. No one performed spectacularly for Ed, but he got lots of good, double-digit weeks that added up. On the flip side, no one even performed remotely competently for Eli except for Peyton Manning, who is continuing yet another boringly-excellent year.

MVP: I'm going to go with Mike Thomas, because he has been a pleasant surprise this season and because his bemused headshot gives the appearance that the photographer farted just before snapping the photo.











Least VP: Brad Childress, for trading for Randy Moss, then not being smart enough to figure out how to use him, then cutting him, then getting fired, which hasn't happened yet, but it's going to.

Brett Favre says: "I want jeans that are tough. I'm comfortable in jeans that last. I'm comfortable in Wrangler. Real comfortable. Will your cell phone accept picture messages? Of my wang?"

What it means: The win keeps Ed right in the playoff race heading into next week's matchup against ChamPeons, where he'll have to deal with bye-weeks from Chris Johnson and Steven Jackson. And it means Eli is still looking for draft picks.

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A QUARANTINE OF SUCKAGE!!!
(I'm starting a new feature where the two teams that are relegated to the Quarantine of Suckage™ matchup only receive 10 total words in their writeup as punishment, similar to how the worst English Premier League soccer teams are dropped down to the second division after each season.)

1-800-222-1222: 94.50
Suhssical: 92.75

What happened: Baron won; bye week kicker.

MVP: Foster.

Least VP: JR Radcliffe.

Brett Favre says: Interception!

What it means: Nothing.

Week 7 Recap

Hi Drew and Eli-

Sorry for the delayed recap. I wanted to let the basketball preview marinate at the top spot a little longer. See you guys in the comments,

Edwin

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Cover Tooth (4-3) 152.00
Stanton For Heisman! (2-5) 101.75

What Happened: Despite a Questionable tag all week, newly acquired Darren McFadden went insane, scoring 42.00 points for Welty-- the highest tally in the VUFSA this year. (Arian Foster had 41.50 in week 1.) In addition to McFadden, Roddy White (26.50) and Knowshon Moreno (19.50) also had big days in a runaway for Adam.

MVP: McFadden. Despite almost not playing, and despite the presence of Michael Bush, he played what is the game of the year so far for his 3rd VUFSA franchise this season. (6th overall)

Least VP: Dave Tomke's WRs- outside of Mario Manningham and his late score, they only tallied 11 points between the three of them.

Jay Cutler Says: "Ow my organs. But also, hahahaha suck it McDaniels."

What it means: Welty has now won four in a row since starting 0-3, and depending on how McFadden plays the rest of the way, he could be a major postseason contender.

=================

Stanzi Loves America (5-2) 147.50
1-800-222-1222 (1-5) 118.00

What Happened: Huge output by the starting RBs for Stem, after failing him last week. Michael Turner (26.00), Adrian Peterson (22.00) and Thomas Jones (18.00) all play excellent. The game was well in hand before the Favre-Rodgers Sunday Night duel, which Rodgers won decisively 17.25-5.00.

MVP: Probably should be Turner, who I called a bum last week, but I'm going with "Steve Johnson." He scored 17.00 points despite the obvious handicap of me not knowing who he is or what team he plays for. Wow- that's deep research from Stem.

Least VP: Noted sexual predator Brett Farve, who was not only terrible, but a complete asshole about his ankle.

Jay Cutler Says: "Brett Farve is a little too careless with the ball, even for my tastes."

What it means: A move to first place for Stem, now owning the highest point total in the league through seven weeks. Tough loss for Baron

=================

Awkward Emoticons ;) (5-2) 79.50
Suhsiccal (3-4) 109.00

What Happened: Two stunning performances from Lee Evans (27.00 on 3 TDs) and DeAngelo Hall (21.50) start the upset, and an underwhelming performance by most of Drew's lineup finishes it off. JR didn't have the monster week he could have, with Kenny Britt's 33 points on the bench, but the win is all that matters. Still, file this away in case JR needs a tiebreaker late in the year.

MVP: Evans, who made the three benched Britt TDs palatable.

Least VP: Wes Welker (3.00) who looks very ordinary since Randy Moss was traded.

Jay Cutler Says: "Not fair, bro. I don't know how anybody can be asked to account for the presence of DeAngelo Hall."

What it means: Drew sees no problem in complaining about Hall despite getting 20.25 points from James Harrison in a seven point win earlier this year. /bitterness

=================

Stranger in the Alps (3-4) 124.00
ChamPeons (4-3) 108.50

What Happened: Despite being awful, Drew Brees (16.25) managed a decent game. Despite having no Peyton Manning, Eli was able to keep pace at QB because of two TDs from Sam Bradford (14.25). It's odd that in getting BOTH Hakeem Nicks (22.50) and a 2nd rounder, Eli somehow looks like a chump in the McFadden deal through this substansive sample size of just Week 7.

MVP: Nicks, Eli's top scorer and decisive winner of the MNF Thunderdome, besting Roy Williams' non-existing effort.

Least VP: Matt Forte (4.50). Already having a rough time between a shitty line and a coordinator who doesn't call run plays- Forte fumbled away what could have been a decent game.

Jay Cutler Says: "[inaudible because a defensive lineman is sitting on his head]"

What it means: Champ misses a chance to get a little separation from the pack. Eli sits one game out of the playoffs despite giving up on Tuesday.

=================

Marty Booker (4-3) 79.75
Let My Monkeys Go (4-3) 94.50

What Happened: Both teams suffered horrific Sundays, so it was a tight game heading into Monday Night. Brandon Jacobs (10.50) had more than enough to edge out Miles Austin (2.50) and give Viano a comfortable win. Big game from Joe Flacco (24.00) plus nice games from Jamaal Charles and Anquan Boldin (13.00 ea) covered up mostly bad weeks from most of Andy's guys.

MVP: Flacco, who has been pretty damn close to a stud the last five weeks.

Least VP: So many to choose from, but Donald Driver's zero stands out in the losing effort.

Jay Cutler Says: "Tell Ed to stay the course. Just because things go badly once, doesn't mean you should make adjustments or stop altogether. Tell him to keep throwing into coverage off his back foot his head up.

What it means: The league lacks clarity in large part because of this outcome. Six teams currently sit with 4 wins or more, and eight teams have between 3 and 5. So, this means little as of right now.

VUFSA Basketball Preview

Image via BDL, who calls the photo "the perfect encapsulation of [Antoine Walker's] entire career in a single frame....look at Antoine shimmying while a play is going on behind him."

-Three polls returned. Game on.-

1. LeBrown Jones (Andy Viano)

An autodraft did not hurt Viano, as he picked up some really nice players- especially early. Where he will see the effects of the auto draft is in lineup construction- only one C eligible player currently on the roster. As a result, currently lacking in blocks and rebounds. That said, should not lose the STL category all year, with six great players in that category, including the best in the league in Chris Paul. Assuming swaps some STL and AST for REB and BLK, a very balanced team, who even as constructed should garner 5+ wins most weeks. Only weakness is at SG, although Paul Pierce is a solid, if not old, contributor every night. Concerned about health with Nene, and Pierce, but essentially it's nitpicking at that point.

2. Kurt Hinrich (Eli Gieryna)

An exceptional front line boosts the perennial contender. Fantastic draft, with a lot of high upside players/youth. The difference between a first place and a 4th place finish will be Blake Griffin. The guy holds the key to Eli's season- should be a beast on the boards and contribute points immediately. If he is hurt or doesn't live up to the hype, it becomes a bad 2nd round pick and really hurts. Griffin and David Lee could win REB by themselves, while JaVale McGee and Josh Smith should do enough to win BLK both weeks. Not a great shooting team, as the two best scorers (Evans and Anthony) hit about 46%- and they take a lot of shots. Only weakness I envision is PG if Holiday isn’ t consistent.

3. Get Some (Dave Tomke)

With America's Basketball Sweetheart Kevin Durant added to Brook Lopez and Stephen Curry, Dave has a reasonable claim to best keepers in the league (fighting w/ Stem and Viano). You can expect Dave to dominate FT% because Durant shoots more FTs than anyone in the league and makes 9 of 10 of them. A few question marks for Tomke, most notably Yao Ming. Yao was once a top tier player in the fantasy realm, and could be an extreme value if he is even relatively healthy. Good upside in Eric Gordon, another potential steal. Not spectacular, but very solid.

4. PeterHazeMuscleShirt (Ed Schillinger)

A strong scoring team, with three probable 20+ ppg players in Amare, Rose and Monta Ellis. Strong 3PT team, getting 'plus' contributions from four players, led by Danilo Gallinari. The key player for Edwin will have to be Derrick Rose- a great real life player who has fantasy deficiencies. If he can hit some threes and learn to play passing lanes, he should be a top-25 player at seasons end. If he is the same player as last year, Schillinger is headed for the middle of the pack. I think Horford will be solid, but Stoudemire could take a step back since he’ s not playing with Steve Nash anymore. Could use some help in the BLK category, with Roy Hibbert his only real standout.

5. Hobo Jesus (Andrew Stem)

A nice blend of exquisite keepers + young talent. Wade and Kobe will probably pace Stem to an undefeated record in the PTS column. Added great 3PT snipers in the draft via Jason Richardson and Rashard Lewis. What he gets out of DeMarcus Cousins and Evan Turner will determine how high he gets- if those two turn out well it could end with Stem on the top step of the podium. Really weak at C, does not have any kind of shot-blocking threat and is lukewarm rebounding.

6. Panironmegadreamlca (Adam Welty)

Really nice draft, getting 2-3 elite talents early. Will definitely need a full season from Marcus Camby to have any hope of competing in BLK. The PFs on the roster are negatives in this category. Weak at forward/center positions. Brandon Jennings is unbelievably fast, a very strong STL and 3PT player. He does shoot the ball a ton, and misses 60% of the shots he takes. Ben Gordon and Hedo Turkoglu also drag down that category. Needs a good bounceback from Turkoglu. After a total bust in Toronto, he's placed in a great offense in Phoenix, a chance to work off the ball score. Deron Williams is an immaculate, no flaw player who should pace Welty into the playoffs.

7. Present. (Drew Wolf)

Despite constantly professing his disinterest, Drew has built a very nice club. Should make the playoffs as long as he sets his lineups. Despite having three great big men, really looks strongest on the perimeter in 3PT and AST. Rajon Rondo will control the AST category and dominate STL. Really nice FT team as well. Glbert Arenas will...I don’ t know. Maybe get a surgically implanted bionic arm like Jax from Mortal Kombat. You can't be sure. (~Welty) Age and injuries could be an issue with this team.

8. No Argument Here (Baron Brendel)

Baron has a lot of nice talent, but doesn't add up to an especially good team. It's a well-balanced team that does nothing really well. Won't dominate any category week to week, except for maybe OREB. The team's best scorer is Stephen Jackson- but for all he brings to the table for PTS, 3PT and STL, but takes just as much off by shooting 1400 times at 42%. Kidd, Billups, Devin Harris and Vince Carter all fall below 43% as well. Carter and Billups will probably shoot 1000+ times on top of it as well. Average 3PT potential despite the lack of points. Nice upside potential with Anthony Randolph, who will contribute some nice BLK numbers and is fun to watch. Josh Childress is intriguing, but I wonder how many minutes he'll get in Phoenix, and how well he'll play this year after his absence from the US.

9. Bango's Bitches (JR Radcliffe)

The headline here is clearly THREE PF/Cs that won't start the season. Andrew Bynum in fact, won't be back until December. Dwight Howard can cover up a lot of that, but having only 9 active players available for the season's first month means JR will have to climb into the playoffs from what could be a deep hole. Would be much higher if we were just ranking on overall talent, however, too many players are one dimensional (Allen, Maggette, Parker, Brooks). Overall a very efficient team, really good shooters with the exception of never being able to win FT%. Will challenge for the best 3PT team we have.

10. NBA Jam T.E (Brent Whitlock)

The defending champion suffered in the poll due to a lackluster keeper crew. Andy Bogut is a really good player and a great shot-blocker. Assuming no ill-effects from his gruesome elbow injury, he'll be a top-25* player in the league this year. Strong team on the glass between Bogut and Joakim Noah, but really, really lacks scoring. We face a real possibility that John Salmons could be the top scorer of the 12 guys currently compromising NBAJTE. Nice 3PT shooters and Steve Nash will have you compete in AST every week.


*As Eli has stated on this blog previously, he has about 8 or 9 players that he considers top-5 quarterbacks. I feel the same way here, where I consider about 40 players to be in the top-25.

Silencing the Noise

Welcome to a new feature on the newly-resurrected VUFSA blog, where I make fun of Brad Evans. In this brief introductory article, I will take one of Evans' signature long-winded posts and edit it in hopes of achieving more clarity.

The following passage is extracted from Yahoo's Week 7 Dissenting Opinions, found here. Click to read/view full-size.

Thank you. This has been an attempt to silence The Noise.

ONE MAN TO BEAT RETURNS

Drew posed an interesting query to me this week, regarding the amount of sellers we have in the league. The question is simple- when is the right time (if ever) to give up on a season? He and I agreed to debate the point as I resurrect my shitty old Torch Column (One Man to Beat- a riveting Ed Schillinger vs. Paul Oren point/counterpoint feature, for you youngsters) in my attempt to resurrect the VUFSA Blog.



"Oh my god! We're having a FIRE! sale." (EJS)

In all honesty, there's really NO bad time to start thinking about next year in the VUFSA. We don't play for a great deal of money, so it's not as if you can make decent coin by finishing second or third. In my mind, it's championship or nothing. We play for pride and sometimes a plaque.

That's not to say that you should never try to stage a run or try to climb out of the cellar. Tomke's football run last year (didn't win a game until Week 6, then won 10 straight and made it to the league championship) is a prime example of what can happen with persistence.

That's adorable and heartwarming and all, but facing facts- sometime shit just doesn't go your way. Someone got hurt. Someone got benched or traded. You have the most points scored against you in the whole league even though your point output is quite good. It's hard to dedicate yourself to rebuilding a fantasy team, and can be quite frustrating if the league is in one if it's no-player-movement funks. So when is time to cut bait?

You can't do it too early, because 1) that's just chicken shit and 2) everyone still loves their draft one month into the season. Plus, no one is out of anything during the first quarter of the season. You can't do it too late either, because 1) the market of buyers has shrunk and 2) you may miss out on a deal because another guy filled the other owner's hole.

The VUFSA has proven itself to be a stable league and the value of great keepers and extra draft picks bears itself out every season, it seems. Truth is, there is no perfect time to pull the plug, so anytime there's a good futures market for your players I maintain that THAT is the right time to give the fuck up and trade me all your players.



Hang in there Pal! (DRW)

For years now, I have written in "Souretorch" for league entry and now I feel as if I am living up to the Torch part of it. Chris Stuart, you and your knife, eat your heart out.

I hate giving up on the season. Hate it. Fantasy football is too much fun to sit on the sidelines for half or more of the season. If nothing else, our roto baseball league teaches us that you have to be consistently good for five to six months to be a top-3 finisher. Our head-to-head fantasy football league teaches us that with a good five to six week push sprinkled with a little luck, you are a playoff team.

Last year at this time, Jerome Harrison - yeah a Browns reference - was a complete non-factor in VUFSA and the NFL. Dude sets rushing records the last three or four weeks. Whadupwit dat? "Waiver Wire" Willie Parker is a VUFSA legend. And numerous others have come from the free agent depths to power a many team to VUFSA glory. How can you deny the opportunity to find the next great Maurice Jones-Drew?

What determines when and when not to pull the plug? For even though I hate it, I will concede that finishing 10th is no different than finishing 5th. That said, I do disagree with Edwin's championship or bust argument for a playoff finish is still money and pride worthy. I'm the guy who makes a trade in baseball to try and finish second instead of third (damn you John Danks for not pitching better). But, the lower seeds, well, who cares, right?

For starters, one needs look at his own team. It sounds obvious, but if all the guys are healthy and just haven't put together the right weeks at the right time, chances are it'll even out. If your starting quarterback is seeing stars, your big time running back is being outplayed by a rookie, and your starting tight end blew out his groin, there just aren't the pieces in places to make the surge. That said, where are your overall points? Are they in the top half of the league? Where are opponents points? Are they stupidly unfair?

90% of our league is within two weeks of clinching a playoff berth. With seven weeks to play, a three game winning streak is not all that unachievable to propel one's team to the victory brackets. No, I'm not going to get into tie breakers, but when faced with three wins in a row taking a look at the schedule to see where those upcoming games are coming. 50% of the league is .500 or worse and thereby games I designate as "winnable". Who's next? 1-5 followed by 3-3 with 2-4 there following? It's winnable. Got a game against one of the top dogs? Well, you have to beat one or two of them anyway to be a contender so might as well give it a shot.

Plus, dismantling a team is tricky business. You have to build for next year without asking for players that contending teams feel are necessary to this year's success. I personally have run into this conundrum more than once. How to obtain great young talent for next season with having minimal to offer as a bottom-feeder? Draft picks tend to be the way to go, but the VUFSA isn't exactly known for its wild wheeling and dealing. We tend to dabble in tight ends for 6th round pick territory and when rebuilding a club, just truly how valuable is that flex wide receiver next year? Eh. It's not impossible, but why hang your hopes on finding that next Broncos/Saints wide receiver when you could be fighting down to the wire?

Week 6 Recap

FUCK YOU GIANTS AND ED, YOU GOT LUCKY THIS TIME. -STANTON OUT-

Marty Booker(4-2) 121.50
Stanton for Heisman! (2-4) 119.00

What Happened: This is probably as close as you can get to a walk-off win in the VUFSA. Chris Johnson (19.00) took a handoff on 4th and 5, and ran 35 yards for a touchdown to overcome a 7.50 point deficit with under two minutes left on MNF. Maurice Jones-Drew never reentered the game. DeSean Jackson (17.50) was on his way to a historic day until he died. Jeremy Maclin picked up in his place and had an enormous game, scoring 22.50 on his own. Drew Stanton actually got to play this week, which hopefully provides Dave some consolation because it sucks to lose with 100 seconds left in the week.

MVP: Johnson. A nice game in and of itself, but his effort in garbage time with the Titans comfortably ahead made the difference.

Least VP: Miles Austin (1.00), who not only sucked within his own right, but didn't do anything but watch as Tony Romo threw three TDs for Tomke.

What it means: Dave is fucking wasted. And Ed stays in 3rd.

=================

Awkward Emoticons ;) (5-1) 137.75
Stanzi Loves America (4-2) 112.50

What Happened: Aaron Rodgers (20.50 pts) was able to take the field for Stem, but Drew countered with Greg Jennings, who offset 15 of those points. Virtual no-show days from RBs Jahvid Best and Michael Turner (9.50 combined) don't allow Stem to keep up with the great showing from Drew's RBs.

MVP: Jennings. Wasn't even the top scoring WR in this matchup, but to recoup all but five of the points that Rodgers out out was enormously helpful to Drew.

Least VP: Turner. The supposed stud RB has hit double digits in just 2 of 6 games this year.

What it means: Drew is alone in first and has a massive inside track not only for a playoff spot but for the #1 seed. Stem should be fine, good record and a strong point total.

=================

Let My Monkeys Go (3-3) 118.00
Stranger in the Alps (2-4) 113.00

What Happened: An exhilarating finish on Sunday Night, as Peyton Manning (21.25) and Ryan Torain (22.50) staged a furious comeback that came up short. Brandon Jacobs (15.00) came up huge, scoring twice to give Viano an actual RB1 effort.

MVP: Joe Flacco really stepped up, outscoring Manning with 23.75 points.

Least VP: Antonio Gates (1.50). Not only does the giant-assed TE put up a clunker of a game, but reports regarding the severity of his injury are varied.

What it means: Viano has risen back to .500 and actually sits a game ahead of Eli despite scoring 100 fewer points on the season. Eli has now lost four in a row.

=================

1-800-222-1222 (1-5) 96.00
ChamPeons (4-2) 102.25

What Happened: Drew Brees (25.25) went off, completely outclassing Mark Sanchez (7.25). Arian Foster (23.00) continued his domination, basically putting up QB-like numbers. That said, it was Roy Williams' (14.50) surprise two-TD game and late Redskin rally that pushed Champ just over the top.

MVP: Brees. Average games for the most part on Champ's card- but Brees was magnificent.

Least VP: Kevin Walter. Zero points while his Texans team put up 35.

What it means: Champ keeps chugging along and sits comfortably two games above .500. Baron starts fielding offers.

=================

Cover Tooth (3-3) 103.25
Suhssical (2-4) 84.25

What Happened: LaDanian Tomlinson (18.00) outscored his fellow Jet RB Shonn Green (4.00) by 14 points, giving Welty a big cushion after Sunday's action. That difference turned out to be more than enough to hold off three WRs and a K on Monday night, who didn't mount much of a charge anyway.

MVP: Tomlinson. Raise your hand if you thought he was a reach as a keeper. (Editors note: Raises hand)

Least VP: Hakeem Nicks (1.50), who put up his first real dud of the season.

What it means: The game provides a little more clarity in light of the Stanton-Booker game. Instead of being one of four 3-3 teams, Welty sits nicely at 5th, as one of two 3-3 teams. JR has some work to do, two games out of 4th and three teams to climb over. .

Week 5 Recap

It's funny because he's a sexual predator

Cover Tooth (2-3) 127.50
Stanzi Loves America (4-1) 109.25

What Happened: Kyle Orton excelled in place of Jay Cutler, and Weltys' WRs went off (48.5 between the three starters), holding off a pretty decent week for Stem. LaDanian Tomlinson had a nice game to stop any potential Adrian Peterson thunder.

MVP: Hakeem Nicks, who has been absolutely unstoppable 40% of this season.

Least VP: Lance Moore. It didn't impact this game much, but it's probably time to note that "every single Saints player" is no longer an every week flex option.

Brad Evans says, "A heavy, horrible week for the Stems, as they put their first pock in the loss colonnade. With a concussed QB heading into next week, Stem faces a Clooney-esque conundrum, as his status 'Up in the air' for an important matchup."

What it means: Welty hangs around in the playoff race, but more importantly, now it's Drew-Stem for sole possession of first place next week.

=================

Awkward Emoticons ;) (4-1) 115.50
1-800-222-1222 (1-4) 111.00

What Happened: Drew's starting QB scored one point and Baron could not capitalize, despite a huge Monday Night from Favre to Harvin. Terrell Owens keeps his tenuous grip on relevancy with 15.50 points.

MVP: The Broncos-Ravens game, which saw Brandon Lloyd rack up 20.50 points and Ray Rice 28.00.

Least VP: Mark Clayton('s patella tendon). Notched only 0.50 points, and took a nice trade chip away from Baron simultaneously.

Brad Evans says, "A billion people in China would love to have a RICE harvest as bountiful as Ray's on Sunday. The diminutive, darting, demon dominated a downtrodden Denver defense. Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, Dodge! lol"

What it means: Drew moves into first place and is the first VUFSA team to cross the 600 point mark on the year. Baron sits alone in 10th.

=================

Marty Booker (3-2) 127.00
Suhssical (2-3) 96.75

What Happened: The Titans-Cowboys late game shootout pumped up both teams, with five touchdowns and 75 combined points. Philip Rivers and Miles Austin each had huge games, while Matt Ryan and Reggie Wayne did not keep pace.

MVP: Chris Johnson, who continues his one up, one down trend this year. (His point totals by week: 28.0, 3.0, 24.0, 3.5, 25.5)

Least VP: An unfortunate nod to Jermichael Finley, exiting because of injury without registering a point.

Brad Evans says, "Stone-Cold Miles Austin dropped the stunner on the gravity-challenged-water-fowl fan club. The lama of the long-run CJ2k did his damage on the short runs, piling on a pair of perfect plunges from a single solitary yard out"

What it means: Schillinger moves to 3rd at 3-2, while JR falls into the morass of 2-3 clubs. Too early for a game like this to register too much meaning.

=================

Stanton for Heisman! (2-3) 113.75
Stranger in the Alps (2-3) 85.00

What Happened: Apparently, Eli forgot to set his lineup. That's my only explanation for the point total. Dave finally got a solid day from Brandon Jackson, plus goodness from Midget Jones-Drew and Adam Vinateri.

MVP: Michael Crabtree, who's 16 point showing in the night game gave Dave some breathing room.

Least VP: Peyton Manning and his 7.50, but in his defense- he would have needed 40+ with Eli getting just two touchdowns this week.

Brad Evans says, "The dynamic Dallas duo of slick and slender Tony Romo to the hulking and heaving Jason Witten drove daggers down into the beleaguered souls of Stranger fans across the region."

What it means: Dave pulls himself back up into relevancy, moving into the five-way tie for 5th. Eli has to hope his team shows up next week, having lost three in a row since starting 2-0.

=================

Let My Monkeys Go (2-3) 85.50
ChamPeons (3-2) 102.25

What Happened: Malcom Floyd went off, and Joe Flacco outdueled Drew Brees-- but that didn't matter because Matt Forte buttf**ked the Panthers.

MVP: Forte, as his 30 points represent 29% of ChamPeon's total output.

Least VP: (tie) Anquan Boldin & Tim Hightower. 0.50 between them.

Brad Evans says, "Mighty Matt Forte prevents Brent from looking like CHUMPeon, as he surely would have for benching LeSean "Don't call me Bones" McCoy in favor of former Buckeye Beanie Wells."

What it means: Champ moves into playoff position, while Viano bids farewell to his two-game win streak.

The 2010 VUFSA Preseason Football Poll

The 2010 Preseason Football Poll
Preseason Poll

1.) Marty Booker :0)

All votes placed the defending VUFSA champion in the top three of their respective ballots. The comments:

Much like the voters in the college football preseason polls, I see no reason not to rank the defending champ number one.

I think Steven Jackson and Ronnie Brown will be fine, but there isn't a lot of depth if either of those guys struggle.

A very solid team, but not up to some of Ed's previous star-studded rosters.

Solid starting line-up across the board, including the flex positions. And we all know that no one is as savvy as Team Schillinger making waiver wire transactions and trades to better the team down the stretch.

Donald Driver was a fantastic pick.

Has two guys with negative rushing yards in 2009 - clearly a terrible team.

2.) Awkward Emoticons ;)

I received every single vote for the number two spot. Either I stink like shit or I'm destined to challenge Edwin.

I love the running backs. One of the few rosters that won't be hampered by a committee system.

Matt Schaub is supremely talented, but does not have a positive injury history. It is my experience that frequently injured players do not all of a sudden turn into ironmen, but a solid backup QB makes him an outstanding starter.

Has two stud running backs and an elite QB, which is a nice start.

Very curious to see what comes of Wes Welker. He seems back from an ACL tear awfully quickly.

Aside from Greg Jennings, there are a lot of questions at WR.

Ray Rice has a Chris Johnson-type vibe this year.

3.) Like a Good Neighbor :D

Stem received two first place votes but was dropped to number three in the overall standings as a diverse opinion exists on his overall roster. The thoughts:

No very deep, but DAMN. What a starting lineup.

Hines Ward still has a lot of value.

The best starting six in the league. That said, a lot of this team has to stay healthy. The drop between Aaron Rodgers and Alex Smith (odd that they are on the same team) is tremendous.

Really has the RB situation figured out with really good keepers, a dynamic rookie back + a veteran who should see the ball.

4.) Strangers in the Alps C:

Eli's squad rounds out the preseason, postseason favorites. The range of votes for Stranger in the Alps was 3-5, appropriately landing him at #4.

Manning and Moss pretty much lock up an upper half of the league finish. That said, there are a lot of aging veterans on this team with Manning and Moss accompanied by Derrick Mason, Steve Smith, and Chester Taylor.

I do like Eli's wide receivers. If Sidney Rice comes back healthy, that's a great pick for the 2nd half of the season.

5.) Stanton for Heisman 8------>

You had to know Tomke was getting that emoticon regardless of where he ranked in our dear preseason poll. That said, he received a first place vote and a sixth place vote, somewhat fitting given his slow start to last year and ascension to greatness.

I like Dave's team this year; lots of young, quality players and pretty solid depth.

Really like the Clinton Portis pick. No depth at WR and below average depth at RB outside of Ports will make it tough come injuries and bye weeks.

How awesome is CJ Spiller going to be? If he's as awesome as Dave always proclaimed himself to be, Tomke may win the league.

I first thought that keeping Witten was a stretch. Then I saw his non-TD numbers from last year (94 rec and 1030 yds) and realized it wasn't.

Is this the same team every year? I suppose it panned out last year.

Has built a really, really good lineup but needs help at the Flex spots.


6.) Hey Cutie I'm Ben :-9

Ahmad Bradshaw could turn out to be the STEAL OF THE DRAFT if his body holds up all season.

JR's team is boring and without much upside, bue he'll tell you it's only because he doesn't care about the VUFSA, and he's more interested in his other league, so he like BARELY prepared for this so yawwnnn.

Cedric Benson had a cute bounce back season, but is he for real? Darren Sproles could be a sleeper value.

I really like Brady and his running backs. Aside from Wayne (I'm no sold on Mike Sims-Walker), his wide receivers leave a lot to be desired

Brady and Wayne have to have spectacular, not good, years to get this team into the playoffs.


7.) 1-800-222-1222 : l

Baron received the most diverse batch of votes, ranging from three to seven. Unfortunately, for him, there were more sevens than threes. Hence, his placement in the rankings.

If defenders prove to be really valuable, Baron will be awesome because he has three of the best.

I have no idea why Baron won't let go of Carson Palmer.

There were a few times that I wanted to walk over to Baron and slap him because his picks were so good. HE's really going to like Mike Wallace (once Big Ben returns from exile) and Michael Bush.

Has three starting wide receivers who are really good and I think can be better yet in 2011. Arian Foster is the trendy pick, but even if he doesn't pan out, has some nice options off the bench with Michael Bush, Justin Forsett, and Donald Brown.

Despite two keepers benched on week 1, a solid lineup. Really. Really solid WR picks of Colston and Steve Smith plus this year's Wali Lundy: Arian Foster.

I think Baron is the sleeper team in the VUFSA to make the playoffs.

8.) ChamPeons :-x

Champ received one vote for the playoffs (#4) but most had him ranked in the bottom of the league. I refuse to believe this due to the hardcore, hand written prep he had at the draft.

One of the few teams with good depth at running back; also, Drew Brees

Very good everywhere but WR. I wonder how many looks will be available to Chad Johnson in this with Bengals being a running team primarily + a host of other receiving weapons. Same goes for Jerricho Cotchery once he shares a field with Braylon and Santonio in week 5.

I see a lot of guys who could be good, but this poll isn't about guys who could be good. It's about guys who are good, and Champ doesn't have a ton of them.

Several question marks abound with TJ Houmanwhatever starting with a new team, an Oakland tight end in the flex.

9.) Cover Tooth :(

Across the board, Welty was rated unanimously number nine. Can he exceed expectations? Probably, since they are so low.

Welty's keepers were pretty bad (Johnny Knox ?!?) but his draft was pretty good.

Lots of risky/upside players here, but very few players who are assured of having a quality season.

Seems to have two keepers on the bench already, including benching Jay Cutler vs. the LIONS...I do love the Hakeem Nicks pick. If a couple things break right, will contend for the playoffs, but at worst has set up very well for 2011.

Great smack talk line about VD, but unfortunately, no points are awarded for smack talk. Has a few alright guys but will need to cash out value guys for upside guys later in the season.

10.) LegadusBulgingNaanee :o(

A tough bunch of keepers including one suspended for the first part of the year and another that two VUFSA owners tried to draft after round 5. Every one voted Viano unanimously at the bottom spot and he was late for a draft time that was selected almost entirely for him so for that he gets the :o(

Legitimate concern about getting that week 1 lineup set. A good draft will mask some of the keeper, let's call them "deficiencies." Drafted three elite talents in Mathews (in theory), and Celek. Really like the Celek pick, especially if Kevin Kolb turns out to be a more accurate passer than McNabb, especially in the Red Zone. Two great injuries for Viano this preseason give new value to Jerome Harrison and immortal Darren McFadden.

Viano's a great guy. That's about the best thing I can say. Ryan Matthews and Dexter McCluster were great picks, as was Anquan Boldin.

Um, well, Ryan Mathews will be pretty good.

Hasn’t actually set a line-up so assuming he does before Thursday. Had the worst keepers to start (Darren McFadden drafted by two teams in rounds 5 or later during the draft), and has mediocre players surrounding them. As the Chargers go (Malcolm Floyd and Ryan Matthews) so go Viano’s competitive chances.