Well gents, I was going to write a recap this week. A day late, I know, but I was home with the family for Thanksgiving and actually had a life for an all-too-brief few days. So I set up with my tea, candles, fountain pen, blanket, trusty dog and Blogger to write a day-late recapping of what was a huge and important week for the VUFSA.
Except, when I logged into our fantasy football home page, there is some sort of glitch and I was shown things I've never seen before.
For example:
- Players are referred to by their first names only. This week I will be starting Kurt, Deion, Torry, Rod, Willis, Steven, Tiki, Antonio and Clinton. Also, immediately below "Clinton" on my roster is "Kerry," which is absolutely mind-blowing.
- For all those players listed, it apparently doesn't matter who I play. Because everyone on my roster has a bye. In every week of the season.
- The season is now 41 weeks long. We're in the 41st week -- so apparently Ed has already won the title.
- A quick look at the standings reveals Ed DID in fact win the title. That was most likely because his team has 46,927 points. Yes, it actually says that. Though it does SEEM like Ed has scored that many points. Maybe Yahoo! is making some sort of sarcastic statement about Ed's team by crippling their entire fantasy football interface.
- On the trading block, JR is selling Marvin, LJ, Trent and Tony. JR likes men, so I'm surprised.
When I try to backtrack and click on the individual weeks (Week 12), it just gives me system errors.
So here is my recap, from memory.
Week 12:
Madd Skillz (a ton) def. Blaine Browns (respectable)
Summary: John Clayton said last week that Ed was never going to lose again. He may be right, but maybe not. Ed can be beat -- but it's becoming clear that a team is going to have to plan on putting up at least 125 points to have a chance. He's nearly guaranteed to get 50 points per week from Johnson #1 and Tomlinson. Scary. And as for Drew, there's some work ahead of him to make the playoffs. He'll start by whipping Sex Panther in Week 13, because all of Sex Panther's players have byes.
Sex Panther (plentiful enough) def. Big Fat Guys (not much)
Summary: I think Mike Vanderjagt was huge, if I recall correctly. And Kerry Collins wasn't very good. Steven Jackson and Tiki Barber were. For Big Fat Guys, Carson Palmer had a big week. Annnnnd ... yeah.
The Octagon (Thunder) def. Cellar Dwellers (thundered)
Summary: Marvin on Monday nights has become JR's favorite part of the week. It replaces Wednesday night, which used to be "Stalking Rickie Weeks Around Milwaukee Night." He's the hottest team in the league right now, after an alleged white flag trade. Cellar Dwellers clinched a playoff spot with a loss, which is usually a good indication of how well a season has gone. He's going to miss Byron Leftwich's soft schedule down the stretch, but Delhomme is capable. Unless he plays the Bears.
ChamPeons (Surprise!) def. Fred Lane's Wife (oh-so-close)
Game summary: This one looked to be over pretty early, but a second incident of Thunder nearly occurred while Andy was being kept busy by IUSB's basketball juggernaut. Champ just barely held on, and miraculously stayed in the playoff race. FLW needs an unprecedented series of events to take place for him to make the playoffs.
Father Abraham (injuries be damned) def. Who is Ron Mexico? (piddly)
Game summary: Good work, Lincoln. I'm going to the grocery store now.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Playoff Picture
Despite bringing up the word "playoffs" from literally, week 1- now is the time when we really know some things. In order to make some sense of the next two weekends, here's what we look like:
Madd Skillz (10-2): Has clinched a playoff spot, and a loss by CD last week gives them the inside track for the #1 seed. Hurt the chances of BB with a win last week, and could play spoiler again next week, facing a 7-5 OCT squad. Wraps up the year with a week 14 matchup with darkhorse CHM, but it remains to be seen if CHM will be in the picture come that time.
Cellar Dwellars (9-3): Has also clinched a playoff spot, and a win next week locks up a top-2 seed. Can eliminate CHM from the race with a win next week. Team has lost two in a row but looked solid in both games. Week 14 tilt with FA will be meaningless if CD beats CD in week 13.
Sex Panther (7-5): It's a tough final two weeks, but SP will control, 100% his playoff chances the rest of the way. Just one win in the next two weeks guarantees SP a reservation in the playoffs. Can virtually eliminate BB from the race next week with a win, then may help out BB by beating OCT in the week's final season. Of course, they could lose them both and be left out entirely. That could never happen though, right?
The Octagon (7-5): Has the league's top two scoring teams left on the schedule, but has a one game cushion on the #5 team. It's a nice edge to have, but it's also necessary as OCT will not own a tiebreaker edge over either SP or BB. Is in the awkward position of actually rooting for his closest competitor this week, as a win by SP over BB takes an immense amount of pressure off of OCT. If, however, BB rises up and picks up a win, while OCT falls to SKL, then OCT needs not only a week 14 win, but a clutch performance by Baron Brendel's Carson Palmer All-Stars against BB.
Blaine Browns (6-6): On the outside, on the verge of being the screwed one. Still, can be assured of a spot in the dance with wins in both of their final games. It's not a pleasant situation to be in, but BB still has an awful lot of opportunites to get in. BFG is scheduled for the season finale, a very winnable game. It is very possible that OCT loses both of their final games; in that case a mere win over BFG (and maintenance of the tiebreaker lead) puts the Browns in. It's not a desirable way in, but it'll work. The best possible week for BB is a win in 13, and an OCT loss. That scenario would require two things in week 14 to keep them out: OCT beating SP, and BFG beating BB. Both are possible, neither are for certain. If OCT wins this week, and BB cannot beat SP, it's over.
ChamPeons (6-6): After losing to WIRM, and scoring just 70.50 points in a win in consecutive weeks, CHM was left for dead. A solid win this week, and all of a sudden, they're a couple breaks from the playoffs. They certainly have a tough road, facing 19 combined wins in the coming 2 weeks; but it's possible. CHM has no chance of a tiebreaker over anyone, not even the 5-7 team chasing him. It's all about wins and some help. Here's how CHM gets in. They have to win both games; with a single loss, none of this matters. The three seed is too lofty a goal, so let's focus on getting in at 4. CHM is basically rooting for SP from here on out. If SP wins this week, and SKL beats OCT, CHM would lead BB, and move to a tie (in the standings) with OCT. If Champ's new favorite team (SP) wins again in week 14, OCT loses their 7th and CHM's potential 8-6 record puts them in. If, however, SP loses this week to BB, CHM switches gears and roots for BFG to win in week 14, and begins rooting for OCT to knock SP down to 7 losses that same week.
Fred Lane's Wife (5-7): They have to get a tiebreaker. The most wins they can get is 7, and like CHM, they need to win every game to even be in this talk. A single loss mathematically eliminates them. Either SP or OCT will have at least 8 wins, by virtue of their week 14 game. If CHM falls to either CD or SKL, FLW moves in front of them on tiebreaker grounds. If BB loses to SP this week, they're tied record-wise with them. Therefore, BB would need to lose again in week 14 to prevent the tiebreaker kicking in and kicking FLW out. Since a loss by BB is necessary to FLW's hopes- they have to root for SP this week, and then again in 14. If OCT loses to both SKL and SP, they sit at 7 wins, and FLW needs to make up 11 points in those two weeks to own the tiebreaker over them. To recap: FLW needs a single loss by CHM, and two losses from BB, and two losses from OCT- while scoring 11 more points than OCT the final two weeks. It's a longshot, but it's out there.
Father Abraham, Big Fat Guys and Who is Ron Mexico have all been mathematically eliminated. The Fat Guys, however, can still play a major role in the playoff picture by toying with BB in week 14. FA can impact the fight for the #2 seed in week 14, potentially. WIRM can knock FLW out of contention if they are still in in when the two face off in week 14.
Madd Skillz (10-2): Has clinched a playoff spot, and a loss by CD last week gives them the inside track for the #1 seed. Hurt the chances of BB with a win last week, and could play spoiler again next week, facing a 7-5 OCT squad. Wraps up the year with a week 14 matchup with darkhorse CHM, but it remains to be seen if CHM will be in the picture come that time.
Cellar Dwellars (9-3): Has also clinched a playoff spot, and a win next week locks up a top-2 seed. Can eliminate CHM from the race with a win next week. Team has lost two in a row but looked solid in both games. Week 14 tilt with FA will be meaningless if CD beats CD in week 13.
Sex Panther (7-5): It's a tough final two weeks, but SP will control, 100% his playoff chances the rest of the way. Just one win in the next two weeks guarantees SP a reservation in the playoffs. Can virtually eliminate BB from the race next week with a win, then may help out BB by beating OCT in the week's final season. Of course, they could lose them both and be left out entirely. That could never happen though, right?
The Octagon (7-5): Has the league's top two scoring teams left on the schedule, but has a one game cushion on the #5 team. It's a nice edge to have, but it's also necessary as OCT will not own a tiebreaker edge over either SP or BB. Is in the awkward position of actually rooting for his closest competitor this week, as a win by SP over BB takes an immense amount of pressure off of OCT. If, however, BB rises up and picks up a win, while OCT falls to SKL, then OCT needs not only a week 14 win, but a clutch performance by Baron Brendel's Carson Palmer All-Stars against BB.
Blaine Browns (6-6): On the outside, on the verge of being the screwed one. Still, can be assured of a spot in the dance with wins in both of their final games. It's not a pleasant situation to be in, but BB still has an awful lot of opportunites to get in. BFG is scheduled for the season finale, a very winnable game. It is very possible that OCT loses both of their final games; in that case a mere win over BFG (and maintenance of the tiebreaker lead) puts the Browns in. It's not a desirable way in, but it'll work. The best possible week for BB is a win in 13, and an OCT loss. That scenario would require two things in week 14 to keep them out: OCT beating SP, and BFG beating BB. Both are possible, neither are for certain. If OCT wins this week, and BB cannot beat SP, it's over.
ChamPeons (6-6): After losing to WIRM, and scoring just 70.50 points in a win in consecutive weeks, CHM was left for dead. A solid win this week, and all of a sudden, they're a couple breaks from the playoffs. They certainly have a tough road, facing 19 combined wins in the coming 2 weeks; but it's possible. CHM has no chance of a tiebreaker over anyone, not even the 5-7 team chasing him. It's all about wins and some help. Here's how CHM gets in. They have to win both games; with a single loss, none of this matters. The three seed is too lofty a goal, so let's focus on getting in at 4. CHM is basically rooting for SP from here on out. If SP wins this week, and SKL beats OCT, CHM would lead BB, and move to a tie (in the standings) with OCT. If Champ's new favorite team (SP) wins again in week 14, OCT loses their 7th and CHM's potential 8-6 record puts them in. If, however, SP loses this week to BB, CHM switches gears and roots for BFG to win in week 14, and begins rooting for OCT to knock SP down to 7 losses that same week.
Fred Lane's Wife (5-7): They have to get a tiebreaker. The most wins they can get is 7, and like CHM, they need to win every game to even be in this talk. A single loss mathematically eliminates them. Either SP or OCT will have at least 8 wins, by virtue of their week 14 game. If CHM falls to either CD or SKL, FLW moves in front of them on tiebreaker grounds. If BB loses to SP this week, they're tied record-wise with them. Therefore, BB would need to lose again in week 14 to prevent the tiebreaker kicking in and kicking FLW out. Since a loss by BB is necessary to FLW's hopes- they have to root for SP this week, and then again in 14. If OCT loses to both SKL and SP, they sit at 7 wins, and FLW needs to make up 11 points in those two weeks to own the tiebreaker over them. To recap: FLW needs a single loss by CHM, and two losses from BB, and two losses from OCT- while scoring 11 more points than OCT the final two weeks. It's a longshot, but it's out there.
Father Abraham, Big Fat Guys and Who is Ron Mexico have all been mathematically eliminated. The Fat Guys, however, can still play a major role in the playoff picture by toying with BB in week 14. FA can impact the fight for the #2 seed in week 14, potentially. WIRM can knock FLW out of contention if they are still in in when the two face off in week 14.
Power Rankings - 11/29
1. Madd Skillz (10-2) LW: 1st (-)
-High score for the sesaon, ties a league record for wins in a season. Clear #1 right now.
2. Cellar Dwellars (9-3) LW: 2nd (-)
-What has happened to the feel-good story of the season? Not much really. Their opponents have brought some serious heat the last few weeks, and losing a QB mid-game doesn't help this week. Should bounce back relatively easily, but a 2-game losing streak is foreign ground for Stem. Seriously.
3. Sex Panther (7-5) LW: 4th (+1)
-Acquisition of Tiki Barber and recent hot play has made the Betrand Berry game virtually meaningless. In the driver's seat from here out, playing his two closest rivals the next two weeks.
4. The Octagon (7-5) LW: 5th (+1)
-JR is establishing himself as the VUFSA's Oakland A's, whose blistering second halves are legendeary.
5. Blaine Browns (6-6) LW: 3rd (-2)
-#3 score of the week, yet loses by more than 50? That's simply not fair. As of now, the odd-team out in the race, but can change that next week.
6. ChamPeons (6-6) LW: 7th (+1)
-Who the hell saw this coming? CHM one game out of a playoff spot after a thrilling win last week, but a daunting schedule.
7. Fred Lane's Wife (5-7) LW: 6th (-1)
-It's tough to play well and lose by so little, especially with so much on the line. An outside shot at the playoffs, but needs a ton of help, and obviously can't lose again.
8. Father Abraham (4-8) LW: 10th (+2)
-All things considered, this was a very good week. Maybe Jamal Lewis could all-of-a-sudden help a conteder and net FA a solid keeper?
9. Big Fat Guys (4-8) LW: 8th (-1)
-Rough week, but it's all academic down here. The final three spots have little bearing on the playoff picture, but 7 teams in the rankings is just stupid.
10. Who Is Ron Mexico? (3-9) LW: 9th (-1)
-Welcome back.
-High score for the sesaon, ties a league record for wins in a season. Clear #1 right now.
2. Cellar Dwellars (9-3) LW: 2nd (-)
-What has happened to the feel-good story of the season? Not much really. Their opponents have brought some serious heat the last few weeks, and losing a QB mid-game doesn't help this week. Should bounce back relatively easily, but a 2-game losing streak is foreign ground for Stem. Seriously.
3. Sex Panther (7-5) LW: 4th (+1)
-Acquisition of Tiki Barber and recent hot play has made the Betrand Berry game virtually meaningless. In the driver's seat from here out, playing his two closest rivals the next two weeks.
4. The Octagon (7-5) LW: 5th (+1)
-JR is establishing himself as the VUFSA's Oakland A's, whose blistering second halves are legendeary.
5. Blaine Browns (6-6) LW: 3rd (-2)
-#3 score of the week, yet loses by more than 50? That's simply not fair. As of now, the odd-team out in the race, but can change that next week.
6. ChamPeons (6-6) LW: 7th (+1)
-Who the hell saw this coming? CHM one game out of a playoff spot after a thrilling win last week, but a daunting schedule.
7. Fred Lane's Wife (5-7) LW: 6th (-1)
-It's tough to play well and lose by so little, especially with so much on the line. An outside shot at the playoffs, but needs a ton of help, and obviously can't lose again.
8. Father Abraham (4-8) LW: 10th (+2)
-All things considered, this was a very good week. Maybe Jamal Lewis could all-of-a-sudden help a conteder and net FA a solid keeper?
9. Big Fat Guys (4-8) LW: 8th (-1)
-Rough week, but it's all academic down here. The final three spots have little bearing on the playoff picture, but 7 teams in the rankings is just stupid.
10. Who Is Ron Mexico? (3-9) LW: 9th (-1)
-Welcome back.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Top Ten Matchup Moments
A pair of super close matchups in Week 12 have offered hope for some franchises (The Octagon, ChamPeons) and squished the hopes of another (Fred Lane's Wife), which allows a chance to look at the Top Ten Matchup Moments of the 2005 VUFSA football season thus far.
10. In Week 3, the Monday Night Thunder perseveres for the first time. Fred Lane’s Wife is sent to an improbable 1-2 after Rod Smith gets the 13.50 points ChamPeons needs on Monday night for an ultra-close 112.00-109.75 outcome. Owner Brent Whitlock came through and went to 2-1 despite rough weeks from Randy Moss (6.50), Isaac Bruce (0.50), and the loss of defender Takeo Spikes for the year during his game. Andy Viano was undone by a second consecutive off-week by Peyton Manning (4.75).
9. In Week 9, Monday Night Thunder gives The Octagon a tight 97.00-94.25 win over ChamPeons, despite getting offensive touchdowns from only one man – Marvin Harrison on Monday night. The win keeps the balance of power pretty even in the football standings, with both of these teams among the five at 4-5 following the week. Another matchup leading to the same circumstance comes this week, an ugly win by Big Fat Guys over Fred Lane’s Wife, 75.25-71.50.
8. In Week 5, Blaine Browns turns it around. After starting 0-3, Drew Wolf's team wins his second of four straight games with a narrow win over upstart expansion franchise Big Fat Guys, 102.00-97.50. Double digits from six players helped the cause, as he barely escaped the big weeks by Baron Brendel’s Terry Glenn (20.50) and defense, combining for 19.50 points.
7. Week 4 proved to be a close week all around. Steve Smith does nothing but neither does Chris Gamble and Madd Skillz holds on for a 96.25-93.25 win over The Octagon. The battle of the expansions comes down to the wire, and when Ahman Green gets hurt, Big Fat Guys pulls out a 82.25-73.50 win for its first franchise victory. Father Abraham, meanwhile, actually puts together the necessary Monday Night Thunder to win 122.25-119.0 over Fred Lane’s Wife.
6. In Week 11, history almost repeats. It appeared to be a slam dunk that Who Is Ron Mexico would triumph over Sex Panther for an inexplicable series sweep, as he needed just six points from a primary running back (Samkon Gado) going on Monday night. But Gado did zilch and Panther held on for a crucial 98.75-94.75 victory, keeping him very much involved in the playoff conversation, whereas a loss would have been a devastating blow.
5. In Week 7, Madd Skillz finally falls from the ranks of the undefeated with a 105.75-94.25 loss to Fred Lane’s Wife, which needed the win to stay in the playoff hunt, and the result was just one surprising team (Cellar Dwellars) remaining undefeated ay 7-0. A surprising 19 points from Willie Parker suggested the Pittsburgh back might not be done with just yet, and double digit performances from Ronnie Brown and Kevin Curtis were unlikely for owner Andy Viano. Ed Schillinger was victimized by an absent performance from LDT (3 points), Chad Johnson (6) and Rudi Johnson (7).
4. In Week 1, the defending champ against the should-be-champ. Sex Panther and Madd Skillz meet for a season-opening showdown, and the lopsided battle comes as a surprise in the year’s early moments, with Skillz winning 114.5-87.5. Steve Smith, Rudi Johnson, and LaDainian Tomlinson all shine for Ed’s team, and Tom Brady proves to be a smart choice at starting QB. Eli gets a terrible performance from Daunte Culpepper, in the negatives, and that seems to be the difference. The tone is thus set for Madd Skillz to still be the league's best team.
3. Week 2, the expansion franchise gets victory. Sex Panther and Ken’s Anal Adventure come down to Sunday’s final moments, with a revamped Adventure team (now Who Is Ron Mexico?) claiming a 95.25-85.75 victory for the first win by an expansion franchise. The narrow outcome lent vindication to the midweek rebuilding moves put in place by co-owner Dave Tomke. Only three of the nine starting skill positions remained the same between weeks one and two.
2. In Week 12, playoff scenarios swirl on Monday Night around a pair of key matchups, pitting Fred Lane’s Wife against ChamPeons and a desperate The Octagon against a seed-seeking Cellar Dwellars. Both Brent Whitlock and Andrew Stem hold onto their leads at halftime of the Colts-Steelers game, which features several players in question, but Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne bridge the gap for The Octagon and he claims the lead by the time the third quarter rolls around. Fred Lane’s Wife needs eleventh hour heroics to also turn the win, and he falls just short by a grueling 1.50 points. The loss all but eliminates FLW from the playoff hunt.
1. In reality, what happened in Week 8 was not all that significant looking back, with the winner in this matchup (Fred Lane's Wife) out of the equation and the loser (Sex Panther) controlling his own destiny from here on out. But still, you can't disregard this as the most amazing matchup of the season. Here's how it went:
One of the year’s closer games goes in favor of Sex Panther with a 122-119.50 win over Fred Lane’s Wife, the result of dodged Monday Night Thunder. Willie Parker (7 points), Hines Ward (7 points) and Jeff Reed (8 points) are collectively mediocre enough on Monday to give Eli Gieryna the hang-on victory, with two points from Justin Farrior for Gieryna preventing the game from being REALLY tight. These are the games Gieryna failed to win last year. As it was, he moved to 5-3 and Viano fell to 3-5.
Or wait…
On Thursday, a stat correction subtracted a tackle, sack and forced fumble from Bertrand Berry, a defender since waived by Sex Panther, and suddenly Gieryna’s team had lost by 4.00 points (119.50-115.50). The play in question happened in the third quarter, when Drew Bledsoe fumbled a snap, but the “force” and sack was credited elsewhere long after the fact. Yahoo corrected its mistake, to the chagrin of Panther. It was Thursday Night Thunder, a one-of-a-kind malady and another example in the bad luck run of Eli Gieryna.
10. In Week 3, the Monday Night Thunder perseveres for the first time. Fred Lane’s Wife is sent to an improbable 1-2 after Rod Smith gets the 13.50 points ChamPeons needs on Monday night for an ultra-close 112.00-109.75 outcome. Owner Brent Whitlock came through and went to 2-1 despite rough weeks from Randy Moss (6.50), Isaac Bruce (0.50), and the loss of defender Takeo Spikes for the year during his game. Andy Viano was undone by a second consecutive off-week by Peyton Manning (4.75).
9. In Week 9, Monday Night Thunder gives The Octagon a tight 97.00-94.25 win over ChamPeons, despite getting offensive touchdowns from only one man – Marvin Harrison on Monday night. The win keeps the balance of power pretty even in the football standings, with both of these teams among the five at 4-5 following the week. Another matchup leading to the same circumstance comes this week, an ugly win by Big Fat Guys over Fred Lane’s Wife, 75.25-71.50.
8. In Week 5, Blaine Browns turns it around. After starting 0-3, Drew Wolf's team wins his second of four straight games with a narrow win over upstart expansion franchise Big Fat Guys, 102.00-97.50. Double digits from six players helped the cause, as he barely escaped the big weeks by Baron Brendel’s Terry Glenn (20.50) and defense, combining for 19.50 points.
7. Week 4 proved to be a close week all around. Steve Smith does nothing but neither does Chris Gamble and Madd Skillz holds on for a 96.25-93.25 win over The Octagon. The battle of the expansions comes down to the wire, and when Ahman Green gets hurt, Big Fat Guys pulls out a 82.25-73.50 win for its first franchise victory. Father Abraham, meanwhile, actually puts together the necessary Monday Night Thunder to win 122.25-119.0 over Fred Lane’s Wife.
6. In Week 11, history almost repeats. It appeared to be a slam dunk that Who Is Ron Mexico would triumph over Sex Panther for an inexplicable series sweep, as he needed just six points from a primary running back (Samkon Gado) going on Monday night. But Gado did zilch and Panther held on for a crucial 98.75-94.75 victory, keeping him very much involved in the playoff conversation, whereas a loss would have been a devastating blow.
5. In Week 7, Madd Skillz finally falls from the ranks of the undefeated with a 105.75-94.25 loss to Fred Lane’s Wife, which needed the win to stay in the playoff hunt, and the result was just one surprising team (Cellar Dwellars) remaining undefeated ay 7-0. A surprising 19 points from Willie Parker suggested the Pittsburgh back might not be done with just yet, and double digit performances from Ronnie Brown and Kevin Curtis were unlikely for owner Andy Viano. Ed Schillinger was victimized by an absent performance from LDT (3 points), Chad Johnson (6) and Rudi Johnson (7).
4. In Week 1, the defending champ against the should-be-champ. Sex Panther and Madd Skillz meet for a season-opening showdown, and the lopsided battle comes as a surprise in the year’s early moments, with Skillz winning 114.5-87.5. Steve Smith, Rudi Johnson, and LaDainian Tomlinson all shine for Ed’s team, and Tom Brady proves to be a smart choice at starting QB. Eli gets a terrible performance from Daunte Culpepper, in the negatives, and that seems to be the difference. The tone is thus set for Madd Skillz to still be the league's best team.
3. Week 2, the expansion franchise gets victory. Sex Panther and Ken’s Anal Adventure come down to Sunday’s final moments, with a revamped Adventure team (now Who Is Ron Mexico?) claiming a 95.25-85.75 victory for the first win by an expansion franchise. The narrow outcome lent vindication to the midweek rebuilding moves put in place by co-owner Dave Tomke. Only three of the nine starting skill positions remained the same between weeks one and two.
2. In Week 12, playoff scenarios swirl on Monday Night around a pair of key matchups, pitting Fred Lane’s Wife against ChamPeons and a desperate The Octagon against a seed-seeking Cellar Dwellars. Both Brent Whitlock and Andrew Stem hold onto their leads at halftime of the Colts-Steelers game, which features several players in question, but Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne bridge the gap for The Octagon and he claims the lead by the time the third quarter rolls around. Fred Lane’s Wife needs eleventh hour heroics to also turn the win, and he falls just short by a grueling 1.50 points. The loss all but eliminates FLW from the playoff hunt.
1. In reality, what happened in Week 8 was not all that significant looking back, with the winner in this matchup (Fred Lane's Wife) out of the equation and the loser (Sex Panther) controlling his own destiny from here on out. But still, you can't disregard this as the most amazing matchup of the season. Here's how it went:
One of the year’s closer games goes in favor of Sex Panther with a 122-119.50 win over Fred Lane’s Wife, the result of dodged Monday Night Thunder. Willie Parker (7 points), Hines Ward (7 points) and Jeff Reed (8 points) are collectively mediocre enough on Monday to give Eli Gieryna the hang-on victory, with two points from Justin Farrior for Gieryna preventing the game from being REALLY tight. These are the games Gieryna failed to win last year. As it was, he moved to 5-3 and Viano fell to 3-5.
Or wait…
On Thursday, a stat correction subtracted a tackle, sack and forced fumble from Bertrand Berry, a defender since waived by Sex Panther, and suddenly Gieryna’s team had lost by 4.00 points (119.50-115.50). The play in question happened in the third quarter, when Drew Bledsoe fumbled a snap, but the “force” and sack was credited elsewhere long after the fact. Yahoo corrected its mistake, to the chagrin of Panther. It was Thursday Night Thunder, a one-of-a-kind malady and another example in the bad luck run of Eli Gieryna.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Week 12 Preview
Game of the Week
Madd Skillz vs. Blaine Browns (pk)
I don't know if I catch any heat for this- but I refuse to install anyone (especially not myself) as a 30 point favorite in these games. Could I start making up my own lines without offending anyone?...Matchup features the two highest scoring teams from last week...This game has a ton of interesting matchups, position-by-position, but the real-life game to decide this one may be the Chargers game- to see whether LDT (SKL) or Drew Brees (BB) get the majority of the TDs...BB has what we all want- the first and last word, with two Falcons going on Thursday and Edgerrin on Monday Night. SKL has no one playing oustide of Sunday...Ed and Drew are 2-2 against one another lifetime
News and Notes, SKL
The return of Rudi Johnson to stud form would be a good thing for SKL. Rudi managed just 76 yards last week, but found paydirt twice. Rudi has been struggling with a nagging knee injury for most of the season, but if the bye in week 10 let him get healthy, that's a nice thing to have down the stretch...The wide receivers did some serious damage last week, but Santana Moss has been slumping...Larry Johnson has 53 fewere rushing yards than LaDanian Tomlinson, on 51 fewer carries...Key Injuries: Jeremy Shockey- Questionable; Domanick Davis- Probable
News and Notes, BB
Drew Brees can no longer be considered a marginal keeper- he's one of the best starts in the league right now...Chris Brown came over at a good time, a big week last week, and a matchup with the 49ers this week...Ruben Droughns also came up big, scoring his second touchdown of the season...Outside of Brees and Edgerrin James, Keenan McCardell has the most TDs on this team (7) and he rides the bench in favor of Derrick Mason and his one score...Donald Driver has potential to be BB's best receiver, even with Randy Moss on board...Key Injuries: Randy Moss- Probable; Curtis Martin- Probable
Playoff Impact: Significant. The Browns have to take care of business every week, and with FLW and SP in very winnable games, can't lose any ground. SKL is playing for seeding, which really doesn't matter.
The 2 Spot
Cellar Dwellars vs. The Octagon (+15)
OCT brings their latest streak (a winning one, at 4 games) into the house of CD, coming off just their second loss of the season...Both of these clubs had their latest loss come at the hands of the Blaine Browns...It was the last meeting between these two that sent OCT into a tailspin, that being the first of 5 straight losses...Stem's week 3 victory cut Radcliffe's all-time advantage in half, to 2-1
News and Notes, CD
Byron Leftwich gets in the driver's seat this week, taking his hot hand into Arizona. Is Leftwich the better start? Probably, for this week. It's an unpleasant problem that's presented itself to Andrew- as Byron's recent play (and John Clayton's cutting comments) have lead to a QB controversy, and those are never fun...LaMont Jordan is slumping, but Kevin Jones is rising, so I guess it all balances out...Plaxico Burress did bounce back with a big game last week, and Larry Fitzgerald's every week awesome makes this one of the top 3 WR1-WR2 tandems in the league...Steve Heiden gets the nod at TE over Randy McMichael...Neil Rackers has more points this season than: Chad Johnson, Antonio Gates, Marvin Harrison, Torry Holt, Priest Holmes, Terrell Owens, Curtis Martin and Corey Dillon...Key Injuries: None, per usual
News and Notes, OCT
The Steal of the Draft is Back! Trent Green suits up at QB for OCT this week, showing Brett Farve the bench...Also at the QB spot this week, OCT picked up the injured Marc Bulger for the injured Cedric Benson. It's hard to tell if the teams involved were banking on something for next year, or something for the last few weeks...How timely was Mike Anderson's big game last week? Huge, especially when you consider that it kept a rival running back (FLW's Tatum Bell) tethered to the bench...Cadillac Williams also plays a big role in the big win, but runs into the staunch Bear defense this week...What will Brian Westbrook's value be with Donovan McNabb on IR? Probably pretty significant, as Mike McMahon has earned the respect of the national press despite winning just one start his whole career...Where was I going with that?...Key Injuries: Jimmy Smith- Probable; Marc Bulger- Out
Playoff Impact: Significant. Same scenario as above; OCT is playing as a desperate man, while CD fights for seeding. A loss here is devastating to the eight-sided one.
Game #3
Sex Panther vs. Big Fat Guys (+24)
Smack talk resulting from this game: "The Rams were playing Houston, what chance did I have," or "Why does the fantasy world hate me when all I show it is love?"...Oustide of two running backs named Barber, I'm struggling to find interesting things for this italicized part...Eli is 1-0 against Baron lifetime, notching his first win of the season against the BFG in week 3
News and Notes, SP
Marc Bulger is no more, traded for Cedric Benson, which leads me to three questions: 1) Can Steve McNair and/or Kurt Warner lead a team to a VUFSA Crown? 2) Which stud QB will SP acquire in exchange for Drew Bennett and Ernest Wilford? 3) Is Eli going to keep 5 running backs?...Steven Jackson did not look good last week, but be prepared for a monster bounce back. Last time Bulger went out, Jackson went off every week in the STL offense, so the injury to Bulger could turn out to be a blessing here...Willis McGahee has been about as consistent as you could want, but one expected more than 10 points a game after the promise shown last season...Clinton Portis has good numbers, but has only scored a TD in three games this season...It's a great relief to SP that Antonio Gates' injury is not serious...Key Injuries: Steve McNair- Questionable; Antonio Gates- Questionable; Cedric Benson- Out
News and Notes, BFG
Brendel gave us a heck of a run, but it looks as if the role of spoiler is all that's left for his remaining games...This is one of those games, as game-time decisions could handcuff SP, while BFG has a couple of nice matchups...Carson Palmer is about as reliable a QB as you can ask for, and will do good things against an overrated Ravens Defense...Marion Barber, however, will not do good things against a great Denver Defense...Nate Burleson is back in the lineup, no matter how stinky the Minnesota offense looks...Dallas Clark had a big game last week, and looms as Monday Night Thunder this weekend...Will get a tremendous boost if Terry Glenn and Barber can have big Thanksgivings, but if they don't, it'll be a long way to Monday...Key Injuries: Frank Gore- Doubtful
Playoff Impact: Marginal. SP doesn't look to hang close to an expansion team for the second straight week, so don't alter any thoughts you have about the race because of the result of this game.
Batting Cleanup
ChamPeons vs. Fred Lane's Wife (-13)
This game can safely be called an elimination game; as the loser will hit 7 losses and be gone from our playoff minded thoughts...Turkey-day RB matchup of Tatum Bell (FLW) vs. Julius Jones (CHM) will set the tone for this one...In games following 2 consecutive 100+ point weeks, FLW has scored an average of 69 points...They have scored 100+ the last two weeks...Champion holds the all-time edge, winning 2 of 3, including the week 3 showdown this season
News and Notes, CHM
It appears the Drew Bledsoe train has run out of gas, and Kerry Collins starts against a weak Miami team this week...Wide Receivers are all very solid, two of them were keepers last season for other clubs...Mewelde Moore is a good start for the next few weeks, but Shawn Bryson is not...Mike Alstott would be a better option against anybody but the Bears...Julius Jones can do so much more than he has this year, and will surely go down as one of the most disappointing players of 2005...Key Injuries: Mewelde Moore- Probable; Erron Kinney- Questionable
News and Notes, FLW
The recent hot streak of Peyton Manning could push this club into the playoffs singlehandedly, but the thought of him resting after the Colts lock up home field is damning...Heath Evans has turned out to be an admirable fill-in for Corey Dillon, who doesn't seem to be getting any healthier...This is a deep and talented RB corps, but so many questions surround every single back, be it splitting carries (Ronnie Brown, Tatum Bell, Willie Parker/Jerome Bettis), injuries (Parker, Dillon, Bettis) or just being a backup (Evans, Chris Perry)...Key Injuries: Willie Parker- Probable; Corey Dillon- Questionable; Tatum Bell- Questionable
Playoff Impact: Elimination Game. The hopes of one team are done after this week.
The 5 Hole
Father Abraham vs. Who is Ron Mexico? (+20)
Yuck...Father Abraham won the only meeting between these two, back in week 3
News and Notes, FA
There isn't much else to say outside of injuries...McNabb and Holmes are on IR and no amount of preparation could ready someone for that kind of loss...What can be done to look to next season? Unknown, but some sort of move is inevitable...Key Injuries: McNabb, Holmes- IR
News and Notes, WIRM
Will this team be humbled after popping off way too early last week? Probably not...It appears as if Samkon Gado is really bad, which means the myopic morons in Green Bay can take down their oh-so-witty "In Gado we Trust" signs...Ahman Green and Gado have cost this team Monday Night wins; also costing them wins: the disparity of talent between their team and their opponent's...There are a lot of good possibilities on the roster, it's just a matter of making the right call each week, and gambling correctly on keepers...Key Injuries: Chester Taylor- Questionable
Playoff Impact: No.
Madd Skillz vs. Blaine Browns (pk)
I don't know if I catch any heat for this- but I refuse to install anyone (especially not myself) as a 30 point favorite in these games. Could I start making up my own lines without offending anyone?...Matchup features the two highest scoring teams from last week...This game has a ton of interesting matchups, position-by-position, but the real-life game to decide this one may be the Chargers game- to see whether LDT (SKL) or Drew Brees (BB) get the majority of the TDs...BB has what we all want- the first and last word, with two Falcons going on Thursday and Edgerrin on Monday Night. SKL has no one playing oustide of Sunday...Ed and Drew are 2-2 against one another lifetime
News and Notes, SKL
The return of Rudi Johnson to stud form would be a good thing for SKL. Rudi managed just 76 yards last week, but found paydirt twice. Rudi has been struggling with a nagging knee injury for most of the season, but if the bye in week 10 let him get healthy, that's a nice thing to have down the stretch...The wide receivers did some serious damage last week, but Santana Moss has been slumping...Larry Johnson has 53 fewere rushing yards than LaDanian Tomlinson, on 51 fewer carries...Key Injuries: Jeremy Shockey- Questionable; Domanick Davis- Probable
News and Notes, BB
Drew Brees can no longer be considered a marginal keeper- he's one of the best starts in the league right now...Chris Brown came over at a good time, a big week last week, and a matchup with the 49ers this week...Ruben Droughns also came up big, scoring his second touchdown of the season...Outside of Brees and Edgerrin James, Keenan McCardell has the most TDs on this team (7) and he rides the bench in favor of Derrick Mason and his one score...Donald Driver has potential to be BB's best receiver, even with Randy Moss on board...Key Injuries: Randy Moss- Probable; Curtis Martin- Probable
Playoff Impact: Significant. The Browns have to take care of business every week, and with FLW and SP in very winnable games, can't lose any ground. SKL is playing for seeding, which really doesn't matter.
The 2 Spot
Cellar Dwellars vs. The Octagon (+15)
OCT brings their latest streak (a winning one, at 4 games) into the house of CD, coming off just their second loss of the season...Both of these clubs had their latest loss come at the hands of the Blaine Browns...It was the last meeting between these two that sent OCT into a tailspin, that being the first of 5 straight losses...Stem's week 3 victory cut Radcliffe's all-time advantage in half, to 2-1
News and Notes, CD
Byron Leftwich gets in the driver's seat this week, taking his hot hand into Arizona. Is Leftwich the better start? Probably, for this week. It's an unpleasant problem that's presented itself to Andrew- as Byron's recent play (and John Clayton's cutting comments) have lead to a QB controversy, and those are never fun...LaMont Jordan is slumping, but Kevin Jones is rising, so I guess it all balances out...Plaxico Burress did bounce back with a big game last week, and Larry Fitzgerald's every week awesome makes this one of the top 3 WR1-WR2 tandems in the league...Steve Heiden gets the nod at TE over Randy McMichael...Neil Rackers has more points this season than: Chad Johnson, Antonio Gates, Marvin Harrison, Torry Holt, Priest Holmes, Terrell Owens, Curtis Martin and Corey Dillon...Key Injuries: None, per usual
News and Notes, OCT
The Steal of the Draft is Back! Trent Green suits up at QB for OCT this week, showing Brett Farve the bench...Also at the QB spot this week, OCT picked up the injured Marc Bulger for the injured Cedric Benson. It's hard to tell if the teams involved were banking on something for next year, or something for the last few weeks...How timely was Mike Anderson's big game last week? Huge, especially when you consider that it kept a rival running back (FLW's Tatum Bell) tethered to the bench...Cadillac Williams also plays a big role in the big win, but runs into the staunch Bear defense this week...What will Brian Westbrook's value be with Donovan McNabb on IR? Probably pretty significant, as Mike McMahon has earned the respect of the national press despite winning just one start his whole career...Where was I going with that?...Key Injuries: Jimmy Smith- Probable; Marc Bulger- Out
Playoff Impact: Significant. Same scenario as above; OCT is playing as a desperate man, while CD fights for seeding. A loss here is devastating to the eight-sided one.
Game #3
Sex Panther vs. Big Fat Guys (+24)
Smack talk resulting from this game: "The Rams were playing Houston, what chance did I have," or "Why does the fantasy world hate me when all I show it is love?"...Oustide of two running backs named Barber, I'm struggling to find interesting things for this italicized part...Eli is 1-0 against Baron lifetime, notching his first win of the season against the BFG in week 3
News and Notes, SP
Marc Bulger is no more, traded for Cedric Benson, which leads me to three questions: 1) Can Steve McNair and/or Kurt Warner lead a team to a VUFSA Crown? 2) Which stud QB will SP acquire in exchange for Drew Bennett and Ernest Wilford? 3) Is Eli going to keep 5 running backs?...Steven Jackson did not look good last week, but be prepared for a monster bounce back. Last time Bulger went out, Jackson went off every week in the STL offense, so the injury to Bulger could turn out to be a blessing here...Willis McGahee has been about as consistent as you could want, but one expected more than 10 points a game after the promise shown last season...Clinton Portis has good numbers, but has only scored a TD in three games this season...It's a great relief to SP that Antonio Gates' injury is not serious...Key Injuries: Steve McNair- Questionable; Antonio Gates- Questionable; Cedric Benson- Out
News and Notes, BFG
Brendel gave us a heck of a run, but it looks as if the role of spoiler is all that's left for his remaining games...This is one of those games, as game-time decisions could handcuff SP, while BFG has a couple of nice matchups...Carson Palmer is about as reliable a QB as you can ask for, and will do good things against an overrated Ravens Defense...Marion Barber, however, will not do good things against a great Denver Defense...Nate Burleson is back in the lineup, no matter how stinky the Minnesota offense looks...Dallas Clark had a big game last week, and looms as Monday Night Thunder this weekend...Will get a tremendous boost if Terry Glenn and Barber can have big Thanksgivings, but if they don't, it'll be a long way to Monday...Key Injuries: Frank Gore- Doubtful
Playoff Impact: Marginal. SP doesn't look to hang close to an expansion team for the second straight week, so don't alter any thoughts you have about the race because of the result of this game.
Batting Cleanup
ChamPeons vs. Fred Lane's Wife (-13)
This game can safely be called an elimination game; as the loser will hit 7 losses and be gone from our playoff minded thoughts...Turkey-day RB matchup of Tatum Bell (FLW) vs. Julius Jones (CHM) will set the tone for this one...In games following 2 consecutive 100+ point weeks, FLW has scored an average of 69 points...They have scored 100+ the last two weeks...Champion holds the all-time edge, winning 2 of 3, including the week 3 showdown this season
News and Notes, CHM
It appears the Drew Bledsoe train has run out of gas, and Kerry Collins starts against a weak Miami team this week...Wide Receivers are all very solid, two of them were keepers last season for other clubs...Mewelde Moore is a good start for the next few weeks, but Shawn Bryson is not...Mike Alstott would be a better option against anybody but the Bears...Julius Jones can do so much more than he has this year, and will surely go down as one of the most disappointing players of 2005...Key Injuries: Mewelde Moore- Probable; Erron Kinney- Questionable
News and Notes, FLW
The recent hot streak of Peyton Manning could push this club into the playoffs singlehandedly, but the thought of him resting after the Colts lock up home field is damning...Heath Evans has turned out to be an admirable fill-in for Corey Dillon, who doesn't seem to be getting any healthier...This is a deep and talented RB corps, but so many questions surround every single back, be it splitting carries (Ronnie Brown, Tatum Bell, Willie Parker/Jerome Bettis), injuries (Parker, Dillon, Bettis) or just being a backup (Evans, Chris Perry)...Key Injuries: Willie Parker- Probable; Corey Dillon- Questionable; Tatum Bell- Questionable
Playoff Impact: Elimination Game. The hopes of one team are done after this week.
The 5 Hole
Father Abraham vs. Who is Ron Mexico? (+20)
Yuck...Father Abraham won the only meeting between these two, back in week 3
News and Notes, FA
There isn't much else to say outside of injuries...McNabb and Holmes are on IR and no amount of preparation could ready someone for that kind of loss...What can be done to look to next season? Unknown, but some sort of move is inevitable...Key Injuries: McNabb, Holmes- IR
News and Notes, WIRM
Will this team be humbled after popping off way too early last week? Probably not...It appears as if Samkon Gado is really bad, which means the myopic morons in Green Bay can take down their oh-so-witty "In Gado we Trust" signs...Ahman Green and Gado have cost this team Monday Night wins; also costing them wins: the disparity of talent between their team and their opponent's...There are a lot of good possibilities on the roster, it's just a matter of making the right call each week, and gambling correctly on keepers...Key Injuries: Chester Taylor- Questionable
Playoff Impact: No.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Power Rankings - 11/23
1. Madd Skillz (9-2) LW: 2nd (+1)
-League's top scorer has clinched a playoff spot with a monster week. Reason: OCT still has to face BB and SP this season. If OCT wins both, BB and SP will have at least 6 losses. If OCT loses either or both; they will have at least 6 losses. Either scenario will give the league 6 teams with at least 6 losses, while the most SKL can lose is 5.
2. Cellar Dwellars (9-2) LW: 1st (-1)
-Looking to silence their critics once again; CD does, by playing an opponent who has a monster week. It's the first time that the Dwellars have played the high score team; and the first time they've scored in the top 5 yet lost. Has clinched a playoff spot, due to the reasons detailed above. Whoever had November 21st in the "Stem clinches a playoff spot" pool is a liar.
3. Blaine Browns (6-5) LW: 4th (+1)
-High score of the week is the #2 weekly output in the league all season. Drew Brees provides a 37 point gain in the QB spot this week. Another big challenge with SKL this week; but that game is nothing in comparison to what we could see in week 13: BB-SP, which in certain conditions, could be the biggest game we see all year.
4. Sex Panther (6-5) LW: 3rd (-1)
-Narrowly escapes WIRM with an underwhelming week. 5 players did leave their games; but 2 were defenders, and 3 had already had acheived the point total that would be expected from them. Continues on their tour of expansion teams this week, before the aforementioned BB showdown, then a week 14 grudge match against OCT, which in certain conditions, could be the biggest game we see all year.
5. The Octagon (6-5) LW: 5th (-)
-The hottest team in the league has won 4 in a row; the last two after allegedly giving up on a playoff spot and planning for next year. The schedule is awfully tough; but the good news is that OCT controls their destiny from here on out. Cannot fall of the pace against CD, as they are unlikely to earn any tiebreakers.
6. Fred Lane's Wife (5-6) LW: 6th (-)
-The weirdest part of an exhilirating week is that FLW, despite their loss, is still a favorite- yes, favorite- for a playoff spot. The next three weeks bring three of the lowest scoring teams in the league; if this club takes care of business, that puts them at 8 wins; which is going to be the win total of the #4 seed, maybe the #3. Will need some help, but seriously, three wins should put them in.
7. ChamPeons (5-6) LW: 8th (+1)
-In true Champ fashion, CHM takes any win they can get. If they win out, there's a playoff possibility here too.
8. Big Fat Guys (4-7) LW: 7th (-1)
-Really, what chance did they have?
9. Who Is Ron Mexico? (2-9) LW: 9th (-)
-Kids, today's lesson is about "counting your chickens before they've hatched."
10. Father Abraham (3-8) LW: 10th (-)
-7 straight losses and the low score for the week prevent me from moving them up, though I want to.
-League's top scorer has clinched a playoff spot with a monster week. Reason: OCT still has to face BB and SP this season. If OCT wins both, BB and SP will have at least 6 losses. If OCT loses either or both; they will have at least 6 losses. Either scenario will give the league 6 teams with at least 6 losses, while the most SKL can lose is 5.
2. Cellar Dwellars (9-2) LW: 1st (-1)
-Looking to silence their critics once again; CD does, by playing an opponent who has a monster week. It's the first time that the Dwellars have played the high score team; and the first time they've scored in the top 5 yet lost. Has clinched a playoff spot, due to the reasons detailed above. Whoever had November 21st in the "Stem clinches a playoff spot" pool is a liar.
3. Blaine Browns (6-5) LW: 4th (+1)
-High score of the week is the #2 weekly output in the league all season. Drew Brees provides a 37 point gain in the QB spot this week. Another big challenge with SKL this week; but that game is nothing in comparison to what we could see in week 13: BB-SP, which in certain conditions, could be the biggest game we see all year.
4. Sex Panther (6-5) LW: 3rd (-1)
-Narrowly escapes WIRM with an underwhelming week. 5 players did leave their games; but 2 were defenders, and 3 had already had acheived the point total that would be expected from them. Continues on their tour of expansion teams this week, before the aforementioned BB showdown, then a week 14 grudge match against OCT, which in certain conditions, could be the biggest game we see all year.
5. The Octagon (6-5) LW: 5th (-)
-The hottest team in the league has won 4 in a row; the last two after allegedly giving up on a playoff spot and planning for next year. The schedule is awfully tough; but the good news is that OCT controls their destiny from here on out. Cannot fall of the pace against CD, as they are unlikely to earn any tiebreakers.
6. Fred Lane's Wife (5-6) LW: 6th (-)
-The weirdest part of an exhilirating week is that FLW, despite their loss, is still a favorite- yes, favorite- for a playoff spot. The next three weeks bring three of the lowest scoring teams in the league; if this club takes care of business, that puts them at 8 wins; which is going to be the win total of the #4 seed, maybe the #3. Will need some help, but seriously, three wins should put them in.
7. ChamPeons (5-6) LW: 8th (+1)
-In true Champ fashion, CHM takes any win they can get. If they win out, there's a playoff possibility here too.
8. Big Fat Guys (4-7) LW: 7th (-1)
-Really, what chance did they have?
9. Who Is Ron Mexico? (2-9) LW: 9th (-)
-Kids, today's lesson is about "counting your chickens before they've hatched."
10. Father Abraham (3-8) LW: 10th (-)
-7 straight losses and the low score for the week prevent me from moving them up, though I want to.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
My face won't stop itching
Hey, I’m back!
I’ve been gone a while, I know, and I apologize. But I took a cruise on my vacation and got marooned off the coast of Tanzania and spent nearly six weeks living with the natives before being rescued –- though I guess "rescued" isn’t the right term, since I enjoyed my time there. None of the women wear shirts! Not a one! Can you believe it?
Here’s my rock-solid analysis for Week Eleven.
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Blaine Browns: 164 points
Cellar Dwellers: 124.50 points
Game summary: Someone finally showed up to play against Cellar Dwellers. And that someone had some new toys in his wagon. CD still had a good week, but was hurt by the karma of the Jake Delhomme decision and the fact he still lugs around five defenders. But plain and simple, BB was fantastic.
Blaine Browns (6-5): Drew Wolf. Drew Brees. Both had good weeks. Chris Brown not only gives BB a good starting back, it allows him to play the matchup game. He did that this week, parking Curtis Martin on the bench against Denver’s defense. And of course, Chris Brown went to college in Colorado. Denver is in Colorado. I think you can see where I’m going with my little factoid roll here. Huh? What did I just say? I’m wasted. Balls!
Cellar Dwellers (9-2): Stem, I know you’re a Lions fan (you probably like silver stretch pants, just like me), but starting Jake Delhomme against that Bears defense is indefensible. Absolutely inexcusable. Especially when the other option was Byron Leftwich against the awful, awful Titans. Worst idea since that one evening back in 1978 when I drank a fifth of Jose Cuervo, put on a pink bunny suit and then let Roger Staubach stick me in the clothes dryer in his basement for 15 minutes. What a mess that was.
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Madd Skillz: 152.75 points
Big Fat Guys: 88.75 points
Game summary: This game was over faster than my date with Jennifer Aniston at Club 57 after she and Brad split up. Any woman who doesn’t like wiggling her toes in a bucket of tartar sauce while she gives me backs rubs is a woman I don’t want to waste my time on.
Madd Skillz (9-2): He’s never, ever going to lose again. You have John Clayton’s word.
Big Fat Guys (4-7): Lost to a team with two of the three best running backs in the league, two of the top three receivers and a top-3 quarterback. Not really his fault, but the reality is that his playoff hopes have dried up. They’ll probably start to chafe soon –- come see me after the recap, Baron. I’ve got a cream for that.
==========
Who is Ron Mexico?: 94.75 points
Sex Panther: 98.75 points
Game summary: This is the first "ugly win" of the year for SP, and just another in a long line of losses for WiRM. No opponent has scored fewer than 92 points all year against Sexy Panther and the trend continued here. Sex Panther is easier to score on than Nicole Ritchie after seven Keystones, five shots of Bacardi 151, two vodka tonics, six bong hits, a drop of acid and nine ounces of Nyquil.
Who is Ron Mexico? (2-9): Dave Tomke called Eli Sunday afternoon and told him "I’m going to beat you again." Then he posted the same thing on his smack talk. Then, for no reason, he bragged about it with an announcement on this media outlet. Then Samkon Gado sucked on Monday night and Tomke lost. Shut the hell up, Dave.
Sex Panther (6-5): I’ve thought long and hard about a proper analogy for Sex Panther’s season, and here is what I’ve come up with. Sex Panther’s season is like putting on your best duds (cowboy boots, yellow Bike shorts and a fur-lined leather jacket for me) and heading off to a hott Cali party. Upon arriving at the party, you are hailed by everyone in attendance as looking great. Hell, you look in the mirror and you think you look great. You feel good. The amyls help, of course. Then you are told that you can achieve the ultimate goal – you hear that Jessica Alba wants to sleep with you. Bingo! Naturally, you’re stirred up and excited. You look around for her all night and are always caught up by someone else ... though you exchange several glances. It’s getting late. You start to panic. But then suddenly, without knowing exactly what happened, it’s 3:45 a.m. and you’re lying on the floor of dimly-lit room with your hands bound behind your head and Star Jones sitting on your face. That’s Sex Panther’s season.
Oh ... Sex Panther actually won? I see. Well, in that case, you have the answer to what I did this past weekend.
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The Octagon: 127.50 points
Fred Lane’s Wife: 100 points
Game summary: This was a big game here, and it seemed to be overlooked a bit. Two 5-5 teams trying to rise up out of the mess, with major playoff implications. Despite Manning’s torching of the Ben-gals (mmmmm), The Octagon came out on top by a comfortable margin.
The Octagon (6-5): While the league is all aflutter with trade discussions, does anyone remember that WiRM traded Mike Anderson to JR for a bagel? Anderson has just been huge the last four weeks – and with Tatum Bell gimpy, his role could expand even further. Cadillac also got motoring a bit, which has to make JR smile. Or pee all over his living room.
Fred Lane’s Wife (5-6): A tough loss, one that featured several subpar performances (Joey Galloway, hello). The loss drops them behind 6-5 teams, so the road to the playoffs will be uphill and curvy and bendy and gravelly and treacherous. Fred Lane’s Wife is wonderful, and needs to be ready for action this weekend. Fred Lane’s Wife, on the other hand, has some definite dirty work ahead.
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ChamPeons: 70.50 points
Father Abraham: 67 points
Game summary: It seems there’s always one awful, horrifying matchup like this every weekend. Last week it was Dennis Franz and Rosanne Barr. The week before, I saw Dennis Rodman and Diane Keaton get down. Now, ChamPeons and Father Abraham hook up … and the results are similar.
ChamPeons (5-6): ChamPeons, propelled by Terrell Owens’ huge week, notches the victory over the reeling Father Abraham squad.
Father Abraham (3-8): Not that he wants it, but Lincoln has my sympathy. Priest Holmes is gone. Donovan McNabb is gone. Jamal Lewis is suddenly the worst starting running back in the league. And his two keeper WRs haven’t performed anywhere near the level they were expected to. There just isn’t much he could have done after a promising start. Sad.
And when you’re sad, there’s only one thing to do: Soak an old sweatshirt with ether and huff away. Let the good times roll! See ya’ll later.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Top Ten VUFSA Blog Moments
The Top Ten Funniest Moments in VUFSA Blog History. Obviously the list is a subjective one, but if you have your own moments, feel free to point that out in the comments portion.
10. "Top Ten What the Fucks?" October 3. I'll start by giving myself some credit, while I don't think it's my best line on the VUFSA blog. But still, it's fun to recite, simply for the childish shock value of it, when I explained why Lee Evans was not having a good year.
Evans caught two passes on the first drive of the Bills' game yesterday, and then never touched another ball, mostly because quarterback J.P. Losman is a turdy turd turd.
9. "The 100-Point Club" October 12. It was nice that someone who was fielding many media requests still had time to stop by the VUFSA board, as was the case when Major League umpire Doug Eddings dropped by, fresh off blowing a significant call in the ALCS. He also had the chance to explain his position, a special VUFSA exclusive.
Excuse me, but my mechanic, if you watch it closely enough, from earlier in the game, the mechanic, with what I do, it says that, I often do the same thing, with a closed fist, my mechanic, signals the same thing often enoug, I was watching Josh Paul, waiting while watching Josh Paul, who was napping, I watched Josh Paul, and if you watch my mechanic, it means what I did earlier. I stand by my decision.
8. "Power Recap." November 1. Molding his misguided power rankings with a recap of the week in VUFSA football, Ed Schillinger offered commentary from many of his favorite special guests, including several ESPN anchors. Chris Berman, my personal favorite, had the best line.
Big Fat Guys? I love it! Just when you count them out- WHOOP! They come back strong! Speaking of comebacks (fake serious-big-boy voice now) how about Tedy Bruschi. An amazing specimen and an even better story. It's only fitting- and I mean this now- that I get to say that, right now, because it's very much like me to make the same joke 8 times and continue to think it's funny.
7. "The Keeper Dilemma" September 22. At some point, many of the comments on the VUFSA became dedicated to mocking certain members of the Valpo Groupies community, part of the Voy message board that we all love so much. STLVU Fan checked in for this bit:
That post took my breath awaywell, either it was that or the half-full bottle of cheez wiz i found in the dumpster outside(effeminate winkey face).
6. "Draft Day 2006." October 18. Sometimes I like to give Tomke his due, though as rarely as fucking possible. His love affair for a certain quarterback, I must admit, is a bit chucklesom, as he said in the comments of this post.
Our year would be going differently if we had ever gotten Timmy Chang. He's a field magician.
5. "Guess The Owner." November 8. One of the more entertaining exercises on the VUFSA board was Ed Schillinger's sketch of ten mythical owners, some of which had slight parallels to those actually in the league. Guessing who was who set up a rather funny exchange in the comments section between me and Drew.
JR: Player 11 is in it for the postseason sex boat party.
Drew: Player 11 is Stem.
4. "The Bertrand Berry Debacle." November 3. When we are old, some of us are dead and the rest of us are reflecting on our fantasy sports exploits on a fancy boat somehwere in a Lake Michigan harbor (the boat will not belong to me or Eli, given our salaries), perhaps the thing we will laugh at the loudest is the Bertrand Berry debacle. Of course, we all know the outcome and the reasoning and Morris from yahoo fantasy sports, but the best moment of the whole fiasco came in the comments portion of the initial post, provided by Andy Viano.
Gentlemen, I think I forgot to inform you all that this past monday I left VU and took a job at the Elias Sports Bureau. So, there is that.
Now, on to the Eli Gieryna Invitational, also known as the rest of the Top Ten.
3. "Week Seven Recap" October 25. Scoop Jackson, one of America's leading writers of crap, has often unintentionally entertained us with his absent wit, disingenuous hood-isms, and incorrect opinions. Eli Gieryna allowed Scoop to visit the VUFSA board, and the ensuing commentary was bitching. The major highlight: Andy Viano pulls out ice cold performances from his refrigerator from smooth Willie Parker, who glides down the field like butter on burnt toast. Toaster. Strudel. Skillz was tied down by Tomlinson not getting it going. When you depend on a cat for 20-and-beyond points per week and he throws up just thrice, it’ll drag you down. Deep.
2. "VUFSA, Week 2." September 20. In yet another fantastic display of impersonation, Eli Gieryna decided it would be a good idea to make John Clayton ... say things. As far as I'm concerned, it was a three-pronged attack of humor:
John Clayton says: Conjugal visits with Fred Lane’s wife? Oh yeah, I’ve been there.
John Clayton says: Ken’s adventure has nothing on my exploits, many of which were filmed in the late ’70s.
John Clayton says: Does anyone else think I look like a bird?
1. "Fung." November 17. Well this one is obvious. If you were distracted recently, such as the time during which the VUFSA was spiraled into a web of deceit, lies, and sexual innuendo and maybe even some squabbles over bad trades, then you were unable to truly observe the joy of MONKEY WITH GLASSES. It was an inspired visual moment that rivals the David statue, the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, the first Mickey Mouse cartoon and this copper owl I made in fourth grade art class. We salute you, artist Eli Gieryna, for your foresight and charm and sexy face.
Honorable mentions include Eli's "apparently JR's deal with Satan was renewed for another year, as he manages to win despite finishing with fewer points than three losing teams."
"TJ HousmanihateJR has more rushing touchdowns than Curtis Martin, Warrick Dunn, Dominick Davis, Kevin Jones, and Clinton Portis."
"Opposing scout, lighting the candle on his Andrew Stem shrine while the hot wax satisfyingly drips on his tender skin."
You see what I did just there? Yes you do. I pulled an ESPN. At some point, covering the sport was not enough, and I decided to cover our own coverage. I feel that I have sold my soul, but not really.
10. "Top Ten What the Fucks?" October 3. I'll start by giving myself some credit, while I don't think it's my best line on the VUFSA blog. But still, it's fun to recite, simply for the childish shock value of it, when I explained why Lee Evans was not having a good year.
Evans caught two passes on the first drive of the Bills' game yesterday, and then never touched another ball, mostly because quarterback J.P. Losman is a turdy turd turd.
9. "The 100-Point Club" October 12. It was nice that someone who was fielding many media requests still had time to stop by the VUFSA board, as was the case when Major League umpire Doug Eddings dropped by, fresh off blowing a significant call in the ALCS. He also had the chance to explain his position, a special VUFSA exclusive.
Excuse me, but my mechanic, if you watch it closely enough, from earlier in the game, the mechanic, with what I do, it says that, I often do the same thing, with a closed fist, my mechanic, signals the same thing often enoug, I was watching Josh Paul, waiting while watching Josh Paul, who was napping, I watched Josh Paul, and if you watch my mechanic, it means what I did earlier. I stand by my decision.
8. "Power Recap." November 1. Molding his misguided power rankings with a recap of the week in VUFSA football, Ed Schillinger offered commentary from many of his favorite special guests, including several ESPN anchors. Chris Berman, my personal favorite, had the best line.
Big Fat Guys? I love it! Just when you count them out- WHOOP! They come back strong! Speaking of comebacks (fake serious-big-boy voice now) how about Tedy Bruschi. An amazing specimen and an even better story. It's only fitting- and I mean this now- that I get to say that, right now, because it's very much like me to make the same joke 8 times and continue to think it's funny.
7. "The Keeper Dilemma" September 22. At some point, many of the comments on the VUFSA became dedicated to mocking certain members of the Valpo Groupies community, part of the Voy message board that we all love so much. STLVU Fan checked in for this bit:
That post took my breath awaywell, either it was that or the half-full bottle of cheez wiz i found in the dumpster outside(effeminate winkey face).
6. "Draft Day 2006." October 18. Sometimes I like to give Tomke his due, though as rarely as fucking possible. His love affair for a certain quarterback, I must admit, is a bit chucklesom, as he said in the comments of this post.
Our year would be going differently if we had ever gotten Timmy Chang. He's a field magician.
5. "Guess The Owner." November 8. One of the more entertaining exercises on the VUFSA board was Ed Schillinger's sketch of ten mythical owners, some of which had slight parallels to those actually in the league. Guessing who was who set up a rather funny exchange in the comments section between me and Drew.
JR: Player 11 is in it for the postseason sex boat party.
Drew: Player 11 is Stem.
4. "The Bertrand Berry Debacle." November 3. When we are old, some of us are dead and the rest of us are reflecting on our fantasy sports exploits on a fancy boat somehwere in a Lake Michigan harbor (the boat will not belong to me or Eli, given our salaries), perhaps the thing we will laugh at the loudest is the Bertrand Berry debacle. Of course, we all know the outcome and the reasoning and Morris from yahoo fantasy sports, but the best moment of the whole fiasco came in the comments portion of the initial post, provided by Andy Viano.
Gentlemen, I think I forgot to inform you all that this past monday I left VU and took a job at the Elias Sports Bureau. So, there is that.
Now, on to the Eli Gieryna Invitational, also known as the rest of the Top Ten.
3. "Week Seven Recap" October 25. Scoop Jackson, one of America's leading writers of crap, has often unintentionally entertained us with his absent wit, disingenuous hood-isms, and incorrect opinions. Eli Gieryna allowed Scoop to visit the VUFSA board, and the ensuing commentary was bitching. The major highlight: Andy Viano pulls out ice cold performances from his refrigerator from smooth Willie Parker, who glides down the field like butter on burnt toast. Toaster. Strudel. Skillz was tied down by Tomlinson not getting it going. When you depend on a cat for 20-and-beyond points per week and he throws up just thrice, it’ll drag you down. Deep.
2. "VUFSA, Week 2." September 20. In yet another fantastic display of impersonation, Eli Gieryna decided it would be a good idea to make John Clayton ... say things. As far as I'm concerned, it was a three-pronged attack of humor:
John Clayton says: Conjugal visits with Fred Lane’s wife? Oh yeah, I’ve been there.
John Clayton says: Ken’s adventure has nothing on my exploits, many of which were filmed in the late ’70s.
John Clayton says: Does anyone else think I look like a bird?
1. "Fung." November 17. Well this one is obvious. If you were distracted recently, such as the time during which the VUFSA was spiraled into a web of deceit, lies, and sexual innuendo and maybe even some squabbles over bad trades, then you were unable to truly observe the joy of MONKEY WITH GLASSES. It was an inspired visual moment that rivals the David statue, the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, the first Mickey Mouse cartoon and this copper owl I made in fourth grade art class. We salute you, artist Eli Gieryna, for your foresight and charm and sexy face.
Honorable mentions include Eli's "apparently JR's deal with Satan was renewed for another year, as he manages to win despite finishing with fewer points than three losing teams."
"Sean Salisbury is a dingus"
"What went wrong: Draft, beginning of season, middle of season, end of season.""TJ HousmanihateJR has more rushing touchdowns than Curtis Martin, Warrick Dunn, Dominick Davis, Kevin Jones, and Clinton Portis."
"Opposing scout, lighting the candle on his Andrew Stem shrine while the hot wax satisfyingly drips on his tender skin."
You see what I did just there? Yes you do. I pulled an ESPN. At some point, covering the sport was not enough, and I decided to cover our own coverage. I feel that I have sold my soul, but not really.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Week 11 Preview
Game of the Week
Blaine Browns vs. Cellar Dwellars (+1)
This game means a ton to BB, as it's a given that one of his 5-5 rivals will win, while the other plays WIRM...CD, on the other hand is again enjoying the view from the top; and like his last stay there- he's got an awfully tough matchup waiting the moment he ascends there...Stem has won 2 of 3 lifetime against Drew, winning 106.25-101.25 in Week 2.
News and Notes, BB
Finally figured out what to do with Terrell Owens; and that was to turn him into Randy Moss...Moss was the best WR in (fantasy) football heading into this season, but injuries have limited him severely. That said, Moss is "probable" for this week for the first time in some time. If he's healthy, he's a huge key for BB...Also got Derrick Mason and Chris Brown in the deal; two good players playing in terrible offensive systems...As it stands, Brown has replaced Curtis Martin in Wolfman's starting lineup this week...Drew Brees is back and Kyle Orton is just a memory...Key Injuries: None
News and Notes, CD
Got a tremendous boost from David Givens' injury last week, inserting Roy Williams into the lineup and watched his replacement score 3 times...Plaxico Burress hasn't hit double digits since week 7, but is a bust out candidate against the Eagles...Shaun Alexander has played at a level above the rest of the world this season, and he gets the Niners this week, so don't expect a slowing down...Alexander is a great back, but have we ever stopped to wonder if just a little of his greatness can be attibuted to the fact he's played one quarter of his games against the 49ers and the Cardinals each of the last few years?...LaMont Jordan's brief injury last week had to be heart stopping for Stem, who doesn't carry another RB on his bench...Key Injuries: None
Playoff Impact: Large, all the way around. This is the most dangerous game that CD has left on the schedule, and a win here could go a long way to locking up the #1 seed. BB needs to win pretty much every week and it certainly won't get any easier after this week. This game impacts both the teams who will get in the playoffs, and what matchups we will see when we get there.
The 2 Spot
The Octagon vs. Fred Lane's Wife (+7)
This is this week's "battle of two teams tied in the standings battling for the same playoff spot" game; we should get a sponsor for games like this, we've had 74 of them in two seasons...OCT is the team best equipped to weather a monster game from Peyton Manning, with Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison in the lineup...Thunder could roar loudly here, as Brett Farve takes the field Monday Night against the Vikings- both of those things bode well for OCT...Viano has taken 2 of 3 meetings in this series, however JR has won this year's lone battle
News and Notes, OCT
Cadillac Willams' debut was a dud for OCT last week, and while the deal was made with an eye on the future; one has to wonder how Radcliffe will feel if Williams doesn't get the magic back from earlier in the year soon...Despite trading away Tiki Barber, this is still a good RB corps, as long as Mike Anderson gets his touches...Brian Westbrook's status as a stud RB may be revoked if Mike McMahon shows us why even the Lions couldn't use him at QB...Key Injuries: Cedric Benson- Out; LJ Smith- Questionable
News and Notes, FLW
The hopes of this team hinge largely on whether or not Corey Dillon plays this week; if he doesn't it could be over quickly...Andy would probably like to see something really big out of Ronnie Brown this week; his cornerstone runner of the future has been splitting carries and hasn't been a consistent double digit contributer- with a great matchup against Cleveland, it's time Ronnie Brown show us a glimpse of greatness...Seriously- did anyone think Joey Galloway could possibly turn out this well...Kevin Curtis remains a starter over newly healthy teammate Isaac Bruce, and keeps Bobby Engram on the bench as well...Key Injuries: Corey Dillon, Questionable; Darrell Jackson- Out
Playoff Impact: Considerable. With BB stronger than ever, and SP playing the expansion teams the next two weeks, the winner of this game gets to keeps pace with the favorites for at least a week. The loser puts themself in a very deep hole.
Game #3
Madd Skillz vs. Big Fat Guys (+46)
I toyed with putting the SP-WIRM game here because of the revenge factor- but soon realized that this would be a far more competitive match...Great interest will be given to the Bengal offense in this one...Ed is 1-0 against Baron, winning their week 2 matchup
News and Notes, SKL
It sucks to say, but Priest Holmes' injury could not have come at a better time for SKL...With both Domanick Davis and Fred Taylor hobbled this week (though Davis should play) the RB situation would be grim if Johnson wasn't around to man the RB2 spot...Greg Jones gets the nod against a weaker Tennesee defense this week, his second straight start since joining SKL...Key Injuries: Fred Taylor- Doubtful; Domanick Davis- Questionable; Jeremy Shockey- recently upgraded to Probable, from Questionable
News and Notes, BFG
Luckily, SKL has no Lion or Cardinal players on the roster...Bolstered the WR corps by adding Laverneus Coles for Johnathon Wells...Move will pay huge dividends when Baron's mancrush Jay Fiedler makes his triumphant return...Addition of Coles moves Nate Burleson to the bench...Mike Sellers gets the flex spot nod over previously more popular wideouts...Dallas Clark is a very good pickup and start for BFG, this week and future weeks...Travis Henry has fallen very far, very fast- hasn't he?...He's really irrelevant though, as Carson Palmer himself has proved all the doubters from the Westbrook trade to be terribly mistaken...The great Frank Gore (he of the wonderlic score of 3) has been on half of the teams in the VUFSA this year, and hasn't once been dropped. He's been traded 4 times; twice in one-for-ones...Key Injuries: None
Playoff Impact: Faint. BFG has had an amazing run (and I thought about it, and "amazing" is really the proper word there) but has seem to come to grips that their streak to the playoffs has ended. The talent differential and schedule caught up with them. SKL on the other hand, could move back into the #1 seed if CD should falter, though that isn't necessarily a good thing.
Batting Cleanup
Sex Panther vs. Who is Ron Mexico? (+56)
Somewhere, Adam Smith is smiling, as SP sends Clinton Portis out as a flex back, while WIRM deploys Samkon Gado as an RB1...This game does have a fair amount of intrigue, if for nothing else than the revenge factor...WIRM is undefeated against Eli's charges, scoring the biggest upset in VUFSA history back in week 2
News and Notes, SP
As long as we're all buzzing about trades this week; let's take a moment an ponder that SP added Marc Bulger, Tiki Barber, Antonio Gates and Clinton Portis to this team all via trade. I swear I'm not trying to make a comment on the balance of any of the deals- but the best current option they sent away is probably Reggie Wayne; who was acquired via trade...Please don't note that I use Yahoo projections when posting point spreads, but did you know that David Martin- the backup Tight End on the Packers, who isn't even sure to play this week- is projected to score more points than Antonio Gates?...This one will be over quickly, thanks to the early start of the Ram's slaughter of the Cardinals...Key Injuries: Drew Bennett- Questionable
News and Notes, WIRM
I did make a slight jab at Sammy Gado earlier, but he's a good pickup and a good play this week on Monday Night...I also like the additons of Antonio Bryant and Matt Jones to the receiving corps...The RBs are all very intriguing, and in a pefect week, could all spring for double digits...He's a great keeper prospect, but I can't help but feel that the world fell in love with Li'l Eli Manning a li'l too quickly; he's completing just 51% of his passes and hasn't gotten better as a fantasy QB since week 4 (his 296 yd, 4 TD day vs. STL)...Michael Vick really is this team's leading rusher- by over 100 yards...Key Injuries: Michael Clayton- Questionable
Playoff Impact: Potentially. If WIRM can spring another upset (they won't) that gives great hope to the winner of the OCT-FLW tilt, while allowing BB to breathe easy. Outside of that, SP is on track for the #3 seed, and doesn't look to get derailed.
The 5 Hole
ChamPeons vs. Father Abraham (-16)
Champ and Lincoln are two of the finest men you'll ever meet...That's all I got for this one...Champ owned Souzek last year, but the Father steamrolled Whitlock 130.75-85.25 in their meeting this year
News and Notes, CHM
Champ took a lot of hits for the Moss-TO deal, but let's try to break it down from his side: Chris Brown plays on a bad team and is at best, a fringe keeper. Derrick Mason needs Kyle Boller to play well in order to make an impact on this season. Re-read that. Mike Peterson- he's a good defender, but is that really the problem with this trade? Michael Bennett has been a perennial disappointment, but sadly, there is probably a new coach coming to Minnesota next season- maybe one who will commit to one runner, and Bennett has the most talent of any of the Viking backs. Steady Eddie Kennison is a favorite of CHM, and will probably at least match the production of Mason from here on out. As far as the big chips- here goes: Randy Moss has been dreadful this season- dragging around three separate injuries. After a loss to WIRM last week, the playoffs vanished from CHM's brain. (probably the right call) Why not take a chance on TO? If you're looking to next year, why not take the guy who was the #1 receiver in the league before the suspension, one who has a chip on his shoulder the size of his ego, one who holds a grudge against former teams and mates like no other, one who has a ton to prove? Champion is sitting on the two biggest possible comeback candidates in the league for next year, and it'll be fun to watch...Key Injuries: Andre Johnson- Probable
News and Notes, FA
This is still a team capable of putting up points- I like a lot of their peices...Anquan Boldin is fresh off the injury list and ready to produce again, while Jake Plummer may be the best backup QB in the league right now...Losing McNabb really, really hurts- but after losing Priest Holmes you'd think FA would be pretty numb right now anyway...I will first guess here and say that I would start Muhsin Muhammed against his former team over Amani Toomer in the flex spot. Then again, I just love the Bears...Am I stupid for thinking Jamal Lewis will spring for 20+ points at least once this season?...Key Injuries: Donovan McNabb- Out; Tony Fisher- Questionable; Donte Stallworth; Questionable
Blaine Browns vs. Cellar Dwellars (+1)
This game means a ton to BB, as it's a given that one of his 5-5 rivals will win, while the other plays WIRM...CD, on the other hand is again enjoying the view from the top; and like his last stay there- he's got an awfully tough matchup waiting the moment he ascends there...Stem has won 2 of 3 lifetime against Drew, winning 106.25-101.25 in Week 2.
News and Notes, BB
Finally figured out what to do with Terrell Owens; and that was to turn him into Randy Moss...Moss was the best WR in (fantasy) football heading into this season, but injuries have limited him severely. That said, Moss is "probable" for this week for the first time in some time. If he's healthy, he's a huge key for BB...Also got Derrick Mason and Chris Brown in the deal; two good players playing in terrible offensive systems...As it stands, Brown has replaced Curtis Martin in Wolfman's starting lineup this week...Drew Brees is back and Kyle Orton is just a memory...Key Injuries: None
News and Notes, CD
Got a tremendous boost from David Givens' injury last week, inserting Roy Williams into the lineup and watched his replacement score 3 times...Plaxico Burress hasn't hit double digits since week 7, but is a bust out candidate against the Eagles...Shaun Alexander has played at a level above the rest of the world this season, and he gets the Niners this week, so don't expect a slowing down...Alexander is a great back, but have we ever stopped to wonder if just a little of his greatness can be attibuted to the fact he's played one quarter of his games against the 49ers and the Cardinals each of the last few years?...LaMont Jordan's brief injury last week had to be heart stopping for Stem, who doesn't carry another RB on his bench...Key Injuries: None
Playoff Impact: Large, all the way around. This is the most dangerous game that CD has left on the schedule, and a win here could go a long way to locking up the #1 seed. BB needs to win pretty much every week and it certainly won't get any easier after this week. This game impacts both the teams who will get in the playoffs, and what matchups we will see when we get there.
The 2 Spot
The Octagon vs. Fred Lane's Wife (+7)
This is this week's "battle of two teams tied in the standings battling for the same playoff spot" game; we should get a sponsor for games like this, we've had 74 of them in two seasons...OCT is the team best equipped to weather a monster game from Peyton Manning, with Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison in the lineup...Thunder could roar loudly here, as Brett Farve takes the field Monday Night against the Vikings- both of those things bode well for OCT...Viano has taken 2 of 3 meetings in this series, however JR has won this year's lone battle
News and Notes, OCT
Cadillac Willams' debut was a dud for OCT last week, and while the deal was made with an eye on the future; one has to wonder how Radcliffe will feel if Williams doesn't get the magic back from earlier in the year soon...Despite trading away Tiki Barber, this is still a good RB corps, as long as Mike Anderson gets his touches...Brian Westbrook's status as a stud RB may be revoked if Mike McMahon shows us why even the Lions couldn't use him at QB...Key Injuries: Cedric Benson- Out; LJ Smith- Questionable
News and Notes, FLW
The hopes of this team hinge largely on whether or not Corey Dillon plays this week; if he doesn't it could be over quickly...Andy would probably like to see something really big out of Ronnie Brown this week; his cornerstone runner of the future has been splitting carries and hasn't been a consistent double digit contributer- with a great matchup against Cleveland, it's time Ronnie Brown show us a glimpse of greatness...Seriously- did anyone think Joey Galloway could possibly turn out this well...Kevin Curtis remains a starter over newly healthy teammate Isaac Bruce, and keeps Bobby Engram on the bench as well...Key Injuries: Corey Dillon, Questionable; Darrell Jackson- Out
Playoff Impact: Considerable. With BB stronger than ever, and SP playing the expansion teams the next two weeks, the winner of this game gets to keeps pace with the favorites for at least a week. The loser puts themself in a very deep hole.
Game #3
Madd Skillz vs. Big Fat Guys (+46)
I toyed with putting the SP-WIRM game here because of the revenge factor- but soon realized that this would be a far more competitive match...Great interest will be given to the Bengal offense in this one...Ed is 1-0 against Baron, winning their week 2 matchup
News and Notes, SKL
It sucks to say, but Priest Holmes' injury could not have come at a better time for SKL...With both Domanick Davis and Fred Taylor hobbled this week (though Davis should play) the RB situation would be grim if Johnson wasn't around to man the RB2 spot...Greg Jones gets the nod against a weaker Tennesee defense this week, his second straight start since joining SKL...Key Injuries: Fred Taylor- Doubtful; Domanick Davis- Questionable; Jeremy Shockey- recently upgraded to Probable, from Questionable
News and Notes, BFG
Luckily, SKL has no Lion or Cardinal players on the roster...Bolstered the WR corps by adding Laverneus Coles for Johnathon Wells...Move will pay huge dividends when Baron's mancrush Jay Fiedler makes his triumphant return...Addition of Coles moves Nate Burleson to the bench...Mike Sellers gets the flex spot nod over previously more popular wideouts...Dallas Clark is a very good pickup and start for BFG, this week and future weeks...Travis Henry has fallen very far, very fast- hasn't he?...He's really irrelevant though, as Carson Palmer himself has proved all the doubters from the Westbrook trade to be terribly mistaken...The great Frank Gore (he of the wonderlic score of 3) has been on half of the teams in the VUFSA this year, and hasn't once been dropped. He's been traded 4 times; twice in one-for-ones...Key Injuries: None
Playoff Impact: Faint. BFG has had an amazing run (and I thought about it, and "amazing" is really the proper word there) but has seem to come to grips that their streak to the playoffs has ended. The talent differential and schedule caught up with them. SKL on the other hand, could move back into the #1 seed if CD should falter, though that isn't necessarily a good thing.
Batting Cleanup
Sex Panther vs. Who is Ron Mexico? (+56)
Somewhere, Adam Smith is smiling, as SP sends Clinton Portis out as a flex back, while WIRM deploys Samkon Gado as an RB1...This game does have a fair amount of intrigue, if for nothing else than the revenge factor...WIRM is undefeated against Eli's charges, scoring the biggest upset in VUFSA history back in week 2
News and Notes, SP
As long as we're all buzzing about trades this week; let's take a moment an ponder that SP added Marc Bulger, Tiki Barber, Antonio Gates and Clinton Portis to this team all via trade. I swear I'm not trying to make a comment on the balance of any of the deals- but the best current option they sent away is probably Reggie Wayne; who was acquired via trade...Please don't note that I use Yahoo projections when posting point spreads, but did you know that David Martin- the backup Tight End on the Packers, who isn't even sure to play this week- is projected to score more points than Antonio Gates?...This one will be over quickly, thanks to the early start of the Ram's slaughter of the Cardinals...Key Injuries: Drew Bennett- Questionable
News and Notes, WIRM
I did make a slight jab at Sammy Gado earlier, but he's a good pickup and a good play this week on Monday Night...I also like the additons of Antonio Bryant and Matt Jones to the receiving corps...The RBs are all very intriguing, and in a pefect week, could all spring for double digits...He's a great keeper prospect, but I can't help but feel that the world fell in love with Li'l Eli Manning a li'l too quickly; he's completing just 51% of his passes and hasn't gotten better as a fantasy QB since week 4 (his 296 yd, 4 TD day vs. STL)...Michael Vick really is this team's leading rusher- by over 100 yards...Key Injuries: Michael Clayton- Questionable
Playoff Impact: Potentially. If WIRM can spring another upset (they won't) that gives great hope to the winner of the OCT-FLW tilt, while allowing BB to breathe easy. Outside of that, SP is on track for the #3 seed, and doesn't look to get derailed.
The 5 Hole
ChamPeons vs. Father Abraham (-16)
Champ and Lincoln are two of the finest men you'll ever meet...That's all I got for this one...Champ owned Souzek last year, but the Father steamrolled Whitlock 130.75-85.25 in their meeting this year
News and Notes, CHM
Champ took a lot of hits for the Moss-TO deal, but let's try to break it down from his side: Chris Brown plays on a bad team and is at best, a fringe keeper. Derrick Mason needs Kyle Boller to play well in order to make an impact on this season. Re-read that. Mike Peterson- he's a good defender, but is that really the problem with this trade? Michael Bennett has been a perennial disappointment, but sadly, there is probably a new coach coming to Minnesota next season- maybe one who will commit to one runner, and Bennett has the most talent of any of the Viking backs. Steady Eddie Kennison is a favorite of CHM, and will probably at least match the production of Mason from here on out. As far as the big chips- here goes: Randy Moss has been dreadful this season- dragging around three separate injuries. After a loss to WIRM last week, the playoffs vanished from CHM's brain. (probably the right call) Why not take a chance on TO? If you're looking to next year, why not take the guy who was the #1 receiver in the league before the suspension, one who has a chip on his shoulder the size of his ego, one who holds a grudge against former teams and mates like no other, one who has a ton to prove? Champion is sitting on the two biggest possible comeback candidates in the league for next year, and it'll be fun to watch...Key Injuries: Andre Johnson- Probable
News and Notes, FA
This is still a team capable of putting up points- I like a lot of their peices...Anquan Boldin is fresh off the injury list and ready to produce again, while Jake Plummer may be the best backup QB in the league right now...Losing McNabb really, really hurts- but after losing Priest Holmes you'd think FA would be pretty numb right now anyway...I will first guess here and say that I would start Muhsin Muhammed against his former team over Amani Toomer in the flex spot. Then again, I just love the Bears...Am I stupid for thinking Jamal Lewis will spring for 20+ points at least once this season?...Key Injuries: Donovan McNabb- Out; Tony Fisher- Questionable; Donte Stallworth; Questionable
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Opponent Scoring Average
It's time for another statistical post. While not as amusing, entertaining, or well written as a John Clayton (love you) recap, I find the numbers to be equally time worthy. This week I've decided to go with opponent scoring average as the topic at hand. We talk quite a bit about who has the toughest schedule, but what if that dominant team you went up against had 10 players on bye and barely registered a 60? It's not so tough of a scheduling match up now is it? The numbers do not lie, and I am here to point them out to you.
Cellar Dwellers: 9-1
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 3
70s: 1
80s: 2
90s: 1
100s: 3
110+: 0
Opponent Scoring Average: 85.175
Madd Skillz: 8-2
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 3
70s: 1
80s: 2
90s: 1
100s: 1
110+: 2
Opponent Scoring Average: 85.75
Sex Panther: 5-5
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s:
80s:
90s: 4
100s: 1
110+: 4
Opponents Scoring Average: 103.075
Blaine Browns: 5-5
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s: 1
80s:
90s: 2
100s: 4
110+: 2
Opponents Scoring Average: 107.425
Fred Lane's Wife: 5-5
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s: 1
80s: 2
90s: 1
100s: 1
110+: 4
Opponents Scoring Average: 94.95
The Octagon: 5-5
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s: 2
80s: 1
90s: 3
100s:
110+: 3
Opponents Scoring Average: 100.95
ChamPeons: 5-5
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s: 1
80s: 1
90s: 2
100s: 1
110+: 4
Opponents Scoring Average: 105.075
Big Fat Guys: 4-6
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below:
70s: 2
80s: 3
90s: 1
100s: 1
110+: 3
Opponent Scoring Average: 100.875
Father Abraham: 3-7
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below:
70s:
80s: 3
90s: 1
100s: 2
110+: 4
Opponent Scoring Average: 108.7
Who is Ron Mexico: 2-8
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s: 1
80s: 2
90s: 1
100s: 1
110+: 4
Opponent Scoring Average: 106.575
Ranking of Toughest Opponent Scoring Average:
1. Father Abraham 108.7
2. Blaine Browns 107.425
3. Who is Ron Mexico 106.575
4. ChamPeons: 105.075
5. Sex Panther: 103.075
6. The Octagon: 100.95
7. Big Fat Guys: 100.875
8. Fred Lane's Wife: 94.95
9. Madd Skillz: 85.75
10. Cellar Dwellers: 85.175
A few things to make of this. Despite all the crippling injuries, no team has had more points scored against them than Father Abraham who seems to get blasted every time out. Also, it's not too hard to see why the top two teams are the top two teams based upon these statistics.
However, some of these numbers may be a little misleading. The averages themselves flatten out a team getting crushed by a 160 one week and then cake walking against a 40 the next. A team could expect to be 1-1 with opponents averaging 100 points per game. Now another team could face a team that scores 100 the first week and then 100 again the second week. That team is also going to have an average opponent score of 100, but at the same time the team is not guaranteed a 1-1 record and may very well be 0-2. Hence why I tried to break down the number of times an opponent as scored in the various columns. Looking at the numbers a little differently...
The number of times an opponent has scored 100+ against them:
6x
Father Abraham 6x
Blaine Browns 6x
5x
Who is Ron Mexico 5x
ChamPeons 5x
Fred Lane's Wife 5x
Sex Panther 5x
4x
Big Fat Guys 4x
3x
The Octagon 3x
Madd Skillz 3x
Cellar Dwellers 3x
Again, not hard to see why the top two teams are leading the way in the standings, and again Lincoln and I seem to be getting everyone's best game.
Alright, so one more dividing up of the numbers. Who has had the easiest go of it with the most underachieving opponents. Number of times the opponent has scored 70 points or less.
0x
Father Abraham
1x
Sex Panther
2x
Who Is Ron Mexico
Big Fat Guys
ChamPeons
Fred Lane's Wife
Blaine Browns
3x
The Octagon
4x
Madd Skillz
Cellar Dwellers
And so now I will give some subjective thoughts on all of this information that is likely to harbor ill will and death threats. It does make sense that the top two teams would have the lowest opponent averages because they do not play themselves (duh) and therefore their point totals won't reflect a big outing by a first/second place team. With that said, though, people are rolling over for Stem and Ed. Stem has not played an opponent that's scored over 110 points (JR is the high with 107.25). Stem and Skillz combined have had their opponent score over 100 points just 6 times. That's the total that Lincoln has faced all by himself. For both Stem and Skillz, just 60% of the time do their opponents put up over 80 points. For the Gun, an opponent has scored under 90 just once. His opponents have been consistantly tough but do not blow him out with huge 150 plus point numbers. Viano is all over the damn place as his opponents have put 110+ on him four times but he has the third lowest opponent scoring average. Either they put a killing on FLW or they roll over for FLW. As for the elder GMs of the bunch, you guys don't like us much. Be nicer. In conclusion, screw you, Kyle Orton.
Cellar Dwellers: 9-1
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 3
70s: 1
80s: 2
90s: 1
100s: 3
110+: 0
Opponent Scoring Average: 85.175
Madd Skillz: 8-2
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 3
70s: 1
80s: 2
90s: 1
100s: 1
110+: 2
Opponent Scoring Average: 85.75
Sex Panther: 5-5
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s:
80s:
90s: 4
100s: 1
110+: 4
Opponents Scoring Average: 103.075
Blaine Browns: 5-5
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s: 1
80s:
90s: 2
100s: 4
110+: 2
Opponents Scoring Average: 107.425
Fred Lane's Wife: 5-5
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s: 1
80s: 2
90s: 1
100s: 1
110+: 4
Opponents Scoring Average: 94.95
The Octagon: 5-5
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s: 2
80s: 1
90s: 3
100s:
110+: 3
Opponents Scoring Average: 100.95
ChamPeons: 5-5
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s: 1
80s: 1
90s: 2
100s: 1
110+: 4
Opponents Scoring Average: 105.075
Big Fat Guys: 4-6
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below:
70s: 2
80s: 3
90s: 1
100s: 1
110+: 3
Opponent Scoring Average: 100.875
Father Abraham: 3-7
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below:
70s:
80s: 3
90s: 1
100s: 2
110+: 4
Opponent Scoring Average: 108.7
Who is Ron Mexico: 2-8
Opponents have scored in the...
60s or below: 1
70s: 1
80s: 2
90s: 1
100s: 1
110+: 4
Opponent Scoring Average: 106.575
Ranking of Toughest Opponent Scoring Average:
1. Father Abraham 108.7
2. Blaine Browns 107.425
3. Who is Ron Mexico 106.575
4. ChamPeons: 105.075
5. Sex Panther: 103.075
6. The Octagon: 100.95
7. Big Fat Guys: 100.875
8. Fred Lane's Wife: 94.95
9. Madd Skillz: 85.75
10. Cellar Dwellers: 85.175
A few things to make of this. Despite all the crippling injuries, no team has had more points scored against them than Father Abraham who seems to get blasted every time out. Also, it's not too hard to see why the top two teams are the top two teams based upon these statistics.
However, some of these numbers may be a little misleading. The averages themselves flatten out a team getting crushed by a 160 one week and then cake walking against a 40 the next. A team could expect to be 1-1 with opponents averaging 100 points per game. Now another team could face a team that scores 100 the first week and then 100 again the second week. That team is also going to have an average opponent score of 100, but at the same time the team is not guaranteed a 1-1 record and may very well be 0-2. Hence why I tried to break down the number of times an opponent as scored in the various columns. Looking at the numbers a little differently...
The number of times an opponent has scored 100+ against them:
6x
Father Abraham 6x
Blaine Browns 6x
5x
Who is Ron Mexico 5x
ChamPeons 5x
Fred Lane's Wife 5x
Sex Panther 5x
4x
Big Fat Guys 4x
3x
The Octagon 3x
Madd Skillz 3x
Cellar Dwellers 3x
Again, not hard to see why the top two teams are leading the way in the standings, and again Lincoln and I seem to be getting everyone's best game.
Alright, so one more dividing up of the numbers. Who has had the easiest go of it with the most underachieving opponents. Number of times the opponent has scored 70 points or less.
0x
Father Abraham
1x
Sex Panther
2x
Who Is Ron Mexico
Big Fat Guys
ChamPeons
Fred Lane's Wife
Blaine Browns
3x
The Octagon
4x
Madd Skillz
Cellar Dwellers
And so now I will give some subjective thoughts on all of this information that is likely to harbor ill will and death threats. It does make sense that the top two teams would have the lowest opponent averages because they do not play themselves (duh) and therefore their point totals won't reflect a big outing by a first/second place team. With that said, though, people are rolling over for Stem and Ed. Stem has not played an opponent that's scored over 110 points (JR is the high with 107.25). Stem and Skillz combined have had their opponent score over 100 points just 6 times. That's the total that Lincoln has faced all by himself. For both Stem and Skillz, just 60% of the time do their opponents put up over 80 points. For the Gun, an opponent has scored under 90 just once. His opponents have been consistantly tough but do not blow him out with huge 150 plus point numbers. Viano is all over the damn place as his opponents have put 110+ on him four times but he has the third lowest opponent scoring average. Either they put a killing on FLW or they roll over for FLW. As for the elder GMs of the bunch, you guys don't like us much. Be nicer. In conclusion, screw you, Kyle Orton.
Power Rankings - 11/16
1. Cellar Dwellars (9-1) Last Week: 2nd (+1)
-Back to the top spot in emphatic fashion, moving not only because of a loss to the top team, but because of the domination in week 11, posting the league's high score. Has tripled win total from last year.
2. Madd Skillz (8-2) LW: 1st (-1)
-Injuries and byes hurt, certainly- but no shame or excuses are necessary after a loss to a very, very good team. In great shape for the homestretch and the playoffs, as long as Domanick Davis can get healthy and stay that way.
3. Sex Panther (5-5) LW: 4th (+1)
-I'm serious: Tiki Barber makes this team the favorite for VUFSA Bowl II
4. Blaine Browns (5-5) LW: 3rd (-1)
-Wolfman will never take Drew Brees for granted again. Brutal stretch run continues, looking to upend CD in what should be the Dwellars last big test of the season.
5. The Octagon (5-5) LW: 5th (-)
-No reason to drop this team after posting another strong victory (3 in a row). Drop could be coming, as schedule is tough, and this team is worse than it was last week.
6. Fred Lane's Wife (5-5) LW: 6th (-)
-Two of these 5-5 teams will be left home during the playoffs, and if FLW is one of them, don't blame the schedule. Big-Time boost would come next week if they can knock down OCT.
7. Big Fat Guys (4-6) LW: 7th (-)
-I think it's moderately amusing that Baron is bemoaning the Lions and the Cardinals for his demise last week. I mean, it's funny in that it's the Lions and the Cardinals (combined viable fantasy options: 4) who did him in; but also that despite the 2nd worst score, they're why he never had a chance.
8. ChamPeons (4-6) LW: 8th (-)
-No disrespect to Dave, who put together a hell of a week; but when you lose a crucial game to WIRM, it's time to look to 2007.
9. Who is Ron Mexico? (2-8) LW: 10th (+1)
-You have to give them their due, their second time breaking 90 took some gutsy calls and a couple nice pickups.
10. Father Abraham (3-7) LW: 9th: (-1)
-Believe it or not, it's not easy for me to kick a man when he's down. However, 6 losses in a row, the injury situation what it is, plus the win by WIRM gives me no choice but to drop them.
-Back to the top spot in emphatic fashion, moving not only because of a loss to the top team, but because of the domination in week 11, posting the league's high score. Has tripled win total from last year.
2. Madd Skillz (8-2) LW: 1st (-1)
-Injuries and byes hurt, certainly- but no shame or excuses are necessary after a loss to a very, very good team. In great shape for the homestretch and the playoffs, as long as Domanick Davis can get healthy and stay that way.
3. Sex Panther (5-5) LW: 4th (+1)
-I'm serious: Tiki Barber makes this team the favorite for VUFSA Bowl II
4. Blaine Browns (5-5) LW: 3rd (-1)
-Wolfman will never take Drew Brees for granted again. Brutal stretch run continues, looking to upend CD in what should be the Dwellars last big test of the season.
5. The Octagon (5-5) LW: 5th (-)
-No reason to drop this team after posting another strong victory (3 in a row). Drop could be coming, as schedule is tough, and this team is worse than it was last week.
6. Fred Lane's Wife (5-5) LW: 6th (-)
-Two of these 5-5 teams will be left home during the playoffs, and if FLW is one of them, don't blame the schedule. Big-Time boost would come next week if they can knock down OCT.
7. Big Fat Guys (4-6) LW: 7th (-)
-I think it's moderately amusing that Baron is bemoaning the Lions and the Cardinals for his demise last week. I mean, it's funny in that it's the Lions and the Cardinals (combined viable fantasy options: 4) who did him in; but also that despite the 2nd worst score, they're why he never had a chance.
8. ChamPeons (4-6) LW: 8th (-)
-No disrespect to Dave, who put together a hell of a week; but when you lose a crucial game to WIRM, it's time to look to 2007.
9. Who is Ron Mexico? (2-8) LW: 10th (+1)
-You have to give them their due, their second time breaking 90 took some gutsy calls and a couple nice pickups.
10. Father Abraham (3-7) LW: 9th: (-1)
-Believe it or not, it's not easy for me to kick a man when he's down. However, 6 losses in a row, the injury situation what it is, plus the win by WIRM gives me no choice but to drop them.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Top Ten Ouch Factors
Injuries have glued themselves to specific owners this year, hounding Father Abraham and Fred Lane's Wife more than other teams with devastating results. With Donovan McNabb's injury in the lategoing against Dallas on Monday, The Father will again be without a major component in Week 11, further complicating an already injury-riddled year that includes the likes of Joe Horn, Anquan Boldin, Tony Fisher, Ronald Curry and a more prominent name listed below. Each of FLW's injuries, meanwhile, have seemed to be incredibly significant. The Top Ten Injury/Suspension For Talking Too Much Ouches in the football season thus far:
10. Marc Bulger (Sex Panther): In a typical twist of fate for the franchise with the worst luck in North America and also the West Indies, Bulger was a predictable fantasy stud, got traded to Eli Gieryna's team, and then missed two weeks with injury, the second of which was a crucial loss to Fred Lane's Wife. After a bye, he finally bounced back last week.
9. Darrell Jackson (Fred Lane's Wife): Surgery on a torn meniscus put Jackson on the shelf after four weeks of solid double-digit efforts on Viano's crew, and now he rots on Viano's bench until a return can be pieced together in the coming episodes. He also probably does drugs. While that's irresponsible and unsubstantiated, I am just going by precedent among Seattle receivers.
8. Cadillac Williams (Sex Panther): Three games, 434 yards for the rookie sensation, and Eli Gieryna was singing arias thanks to his first overall choice in the pre-season draft. But the Cadillac got a flat tire and wound up stuck in the garage in neutral with a bad transmission and needing some gas whle overheating and getting set on fire in a Paris suburb. He rushed for 13 yards in his next game, went down for two weeks and simply hasn't been the same, amassing a grand total of 69 yards since his return from injury in three games. He has since been traded to a sucker.
7. Willie Parker (Fred Lane's Wife): The early favorite for waiver wire pickup of the year has technically only missed one week for the Pittsburgh Steelers and Andy Viano, but he has missed his fair share of snaps, thanks to a slew of other options in the Steel City and his bad ankle. After two stupendous first weeks, he's only seen 20 carries in a game one time. No more performance from Viano's Fast Willie.
6. Ahman Green (Who Is Ron Mexico?): Not that Green was having a good year by any stretch of the imagination anyway, but his timing couldn't have been worse for Dave Tomke's Pigskin Brothel. His departure early due to injury in Week 5 allowed Big Fat Guys to register a 82.25-73.50 win, which allowed everyone to laugh at him heartily. And Green's departure for good two weeks later left Tomke shorthanded on a team with very little star power as it was.
5. Javon Walker (Fred Lane's Wife): This year's Steve Smith, Walker went down in the very first week of the season and drew first blood for a team that saw its share of major setbacks on the injury front. Trades have been key to patching up Andy Viano's receiving corps, with the likes of Joey Galloway, Hines Ward and Kevin Curtis coming in midseason.
4. Deuce McAllister (Fred Lane's Wife): It wasn't New Orleans' year by any stretch of the imagination, but when their best player goes down, you can't really hope for the best. The Deuce only played in four games, clearing 100 yards just once, and then went down for the season, eventually finding his way on Big Fat Guys' roster for keeper consideration.
3. Daunte Culpepper (ChamPeons): The year simply could not have been any worse for Culpepper, though the much-maligned (and by "much-maligned" I mean "sex-and-turnover-seeking") quarterback had a stellar 26.75 points in week 7, the week ChamPeons had traded for the Penis-Head Man. In Week 8, his leg exploded in three places, making the trade which involved the loss of Clinton Portis a waste.
2. Terrell Owens (Blaine Browns): Terrell is very sorry for what he's done to Drew's team. But he's still going to occupy Drew's parking space.
1. Priest Holmes (Father Abraham): The "out-of-contention" pickup of 2004 that appeared to give Lincoln Souzek a stellar keeper lineup never quite lived up to the explosive numbers of years past and promptly exploded into a thousand pieces as part of an annual rite. Ken Griffey Jr. called to thank Priest, since Griffey had Week 9 in the "When Will Holmes Go Down For The Year" pool. Lincoln was left scrambling to find suitable running backs, and dealing with the possibility that Holmes might retire after this season.
I might retire from Top Ten lists after this week. It's hard. Dammit. Praise me.
10. Marc Bulger (Sex Panther): In a typical twist of fate for the franchise with the worst luck in North America and also the West Indies, Bulger was a predictable fantasy stud, got traded to Eli Gieryna's team, and then missed two weeks with injury, the second of which was a crucial loss to Fred Lane's Wife. After a bye, he finally bounced back last week.
9. Darrell Jackson (Fred Lane's Wife): Surgery on a torn meniscus put Jackson on the shelf after four weeks of solid double-digit efforts on Viano's crew, and now he rots on Viano's bench until a return can be pieced together in the coming episodes. He also probably does drugs. While that's irresponsible and unsubstantiated, I am just going by precedent among Seattle receivers.
8. Cadillac Williams (Sex Panther): Three games, 434 yards for the rookie sensation, and Eli Gieryna was singing arias thanks to his first overall choice in the pre-season draft. But the Cadillac got a flat tire and wound up stuck in the garage in neutral with a bad transmission and needing some gas whle overheating and getting set on fire in a Paris suburb. He rushed for 13 yards in his next game, went down for two weeks and simply hasn't been the same, amassing a grand total of 69 yards since his return from injury in three games. He has since been traded to a sucker.
7. Willie Parker (Fred Lane's Wife): The early favorite for waiver wire pickup of the year has technically only missed one week for the Pittsburgh Steelers and Andy Viano, but he has missed his fair share of snaps, thanks to a slew of other options in the Steel City and his bad ankle. After two stupendous first weeks, he's only seen 20 carries in a game one time. No more performance from Viano's Fast Willie.
6. Ahman Green (Who Is Ron Mexico?): Not that Green was having a good year by any stretch of the imagination anyway, but his timing couldn't have been worse for Dave Tomke's Pigskin Brothel. His departure early due to injury in Week 5 allowed Big Fat Guys to register a 82.25-73.50 win, which allowed everyone to laugh at him heartily. And Green's departure for good two weeks later left Tomke shorthanded on a team with very little star power as it was.
5. Javon Walker (Fred Lane's Wife): This year's Steve Smith, Walker went down in the very first week of the season and drew first blood for a team that saw its share of major setbacks on the injury front. Trades have been key to patching up Andy Viano's receiving corps, with the likes of Joey Galloway, Hines Ward and Kevin Curtis coming in midseason.
4. Deuce McAllister (Fred Lane's Wife): It wasn't New Orleans' year by any stretch of the imagination, but when their best player goes down, you can't really hope for the best. The Deuce only played in four games, clearing 100 yards just once, and then went down for the season, eventually finding his way on Big Fat Guys' roster for keeper consideration.
3. Daunte Culpepper (ChamPeons): The year simply could not have been any worse for Culpepper, though the much-maligned (and by "much-maligned" I mean "sex-and-turnover-seeking") quarterback had a stellar 26.75 points in week 7, the week ChamPeons had traded for the Penis-Head Man. In Week 8, his leg exploded in three places, making the trade which involved the loss of Clinton Portis a waste.
2. Terrell Owens (Blaine Browns): Terrell is very sorry for what he's done to Drew's team. But he's still going to occupy Drew's parking space.
1. Priest Holmes (Father Abraham): The "out-of-contention" pickup of 2004 that appeared to give Lincoln Souzek a stellar keeper lineup never quite lived up to the explosive numbers of years past and promptly exploded into a thousand pieces as part of an annual rite. Ken Griffey Jr. called to thank Priest, since Griffey had Week 9 in the "When Will Holmes Go Down For The Year" pool. Lincoln was left scrambling to find suitable running backs, and dealing with the possibility that Holmes might retire after this season.
I might retire from Top Ten lists after this week. It's hard. Dammit. Praise me.
No recap for you
Winners:
Stem
JR
Tomke
Viano
Eli
I'm refusing to write anymore this week in protest of the fact that a guy who hit .335, won a Gold Glove and put up an 1.080 OPS finished THIRD in the National League MVP voting. I'll be too busy hunting down and killing 33 national baseball writers.
Stem
JR
Tomke
Viano
Eli
I'm refusing to write anymore this week in protest of the fact that a guy who hit .335, won a Gold Glove and put up an 1.080 OPS finished THIRD in the National League MVP voting. I'll be too busy hunting down and killing 33 national baseball writers.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Kyle Orton
Alright, I have to get it off my chest. Why start Kyle Orton? Was I drugged? Was I abducted by aliens? Am I big fucking dumbass? Stop nodding.
Here's my defense and the path that led to the quarterback quandry.
Option 1: Drew Brees on bye
Option 2: Ben Roethlisberger injury
Trade options explored...
Option 3: Acquire Trent Green...couldn't work out a deal with JR...Green scores negative points anyway
Option 4: Acquire Mike Vick...couldn't work out a deal with LaTomke
Option 5: Acquire Matt Hasselbeck...couldn't work out a deal with Skillz
Waive Wire options...
Option 6: Trent Dilfer...was playing the Steelers at Pittsburgh and two Cleveland players on offense would be playing with fire
Option 7: Gus Ferrotte...was playing at home but against the Patriots
Option 8: Kyle Orton...was playing at home against the 2-6 49ers
And so it came down to Ferrotte versus Orton. Figuring the lowly San Franscisco matchup was better than a world champion one, I went with Orton. If you must criticize, you should criticize my decision to choose Orton over Ferrotte and not for thinking that Kyle was my preferred pick. He was at best option 7. I knew it was ugly per my "smacktalk" on Thursday.
With all this said, I clearly do not deserve to be in the playoff hunt. To lose a critical game when your opponent throws a 0 in a RB spot is inexcusable. To ever find yourself picking between Kyle Orton and Gus Ferrotte at this point in the season is poor GMship. I, however, will reserve the right to hate Kyle Orton and be depressed.
Dejectedly,
Drew
Here's my defense and the path that led to the quarterback quandry.
Option 1: Drew Brees on bye
Option 2: Ben Roethlisberger injury
Trade options explored...
Option 3: Acquire Trent Green...couldn't work out a deal with JR...Green scores negative points anyway
Option 4: Acquire Mike Vick...couldn't work out a deal with LaTomke
Option 5: Acquire Matt Hasselbeck...couldn't work out a deal with Skillz
Waive Wire options...
Option 6: Trent Dilfer...was playing the Steelers at Pittsburgh and two Cleveland players on offense would be playing with fire
Option 7: Gus Ferrotte...was playing at home but against the Patriots
Option 8: Kyle Orton...was playing at home against the 2-6 49ers
And so it came down to Ferrotte versus Orton. Figuring the lowly San Franscisco matchup was better than a world champion one, I went with Orton. If you must criticize, you should criticize my decision to choose Orton over Ferrotte and not for thinking that Kyle was my preferred pick. He was at best option 7. I knew it was ugly per my "smacktalk" on Thursday.
With all this said, I clearly do not deserve to be in the playoff hunt. To lose a critical game when your opponent throws a 0 in a RB spot is inexcusable. To ever find yourself picking between Kyle Orton and Gus Ferrotte at this point in the season is poor GMship. I, however, will reserve the right to hate Kyle Orton and be depressed.
Dejectedly,
Drew
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Friday, November 11, 2005
Week 10 Preview
Game of the Week
Madd Skillz vs. Sex Panther (pk)
Third straight game of the week that has some of the luster taken off because of bye weeks to one team...This game features the top two scoring teams in the league, yet the two are separated by 4 wins...Oddly, the football meetings for these two heavyweights have been suprisingly lopsided: Schillinger is 3-0 lifetime vs. Gieryna, including a 114.50-87.50 win in Week 1
News and Notes, SKL
Misses out on not only LaDanian Tomlinson, but Chad and Rudi Johnson this week due to byes...Did a nice job of assembling a fairly competitive lineup, but injuries to Fred Taylor and potentially Domanick Davis hurt SKL's ability to compete...LDT's spot in the lineup will be filled by Larry Johnson, who is suddenly a prime-time starter; Duce Staley will fill in Rudi Johnson's void of lots of yards and no TDs; Newly acquired Greg Jones replaces Fred Taylor; and Laverneus Coles is in the lineup in place of Chad Johnson...Should Davis not be able to go, Antonio Bryant likely gets pushed into emergency duty...Key Players on Bye Week: LDT, Rudi, Chad
News and Notes, SP
Looks, for now, to be on the right side of the luck spectrum, getting all of his studs back from bye, while benefiting from someone else finally missing players...Will miss Antonio Gates, surely, but Jerramy Stevens is a solid fill-in...Gets a couple of great matchups, with Willis MaGahee playing KC and the Rams facing the Seahawks...Acquired Tiki Barber this week (with Andre Johnson) and now has the unquestioned #1 RB corps in the league...KPOBW: Antonio Gates
Playoff Impact: This game clearly means more to 4-5 SP, especially with a stretch run of winnable games. After this week, it's two expansion teams before a tough one with BB and a close with OCT. As for SKL, every team in the playoffs will be equally dangerous, so seeding doesn't matter; they just need to get in and go from there.
The 2 Spot
Blaine Browns vs. Fred Lane's Wife (+6)
Two franchises with playoff experience gear up for the sprint to week 16...It's tough to predict an all-out collapse, so let's assume that there are only two playoff spots left; It's this writer's belief that 2 of the 3 favorites for those two spots play in this game, so it's a big one for both teams...Whoever scores the majority of the Indy TDs against Houston has a big advantage (Edge- BB vs. Peyton- FLW)...Viano is 3-1 lifetime against the Wolfman, although Drew's lone win did come in last season's 3rd place game
News and Notes, BB
Kyle Orton starts at QB, and if we were still doing predictions here, that would be enough to pick against BB...Drew Brees' bye and Ben Roethlisberger's injury coincide to force the Bears rookie QB into his biggest game of the year...The other notable absence in the lineup is Terrell Owens, who is not likely to play for the rest of the season. Regg;ie Brown takes his spot in the Eagles' pass-wacky offense, as well as BB's WR3 spot...KPOBW: Drew Brees, Keenan McCardell, TJ HoushmanihateJR, Terrell Owens (perma-bye)
News and Notes, FLW
Peyton Manning had a godly game last week, though it didn't help enough in a losing effort. He'll have another opportunity this week...Corey Dillon proved to be the downfall of FLW last week, as his injury laden efforts continue to crush this club...Roethlisberger's injury not only hurts BB, but also FLW and their star WR, Hines Ward- who has to rely on Charlie Batch to get him the ball...Joey Galloway turned out better than anyone expected...Bobby Engram in the lineup this week, holding a spot before Darrell Jackson is healthy...Picked up Todd Heap for Greg Jones to fill in for a bye week at TE, though Heap could be worthy of a couple starts down the stretch...KPOBW: Chris Perry, Ben Troupe
Playoff Impact: Immense. BB sits on a tenuous one game advantage for a playoff spot. His much discussed schedule puts pressure on every single week; for the next week looms a large task. FLW, on the other hand, could take a devastating hit with a loss, especially if any or all of the other 4-5 teams win. 8 appears to be the magic number for the playoffs: 8 wins will get you in. If you plan on finishing with 7; you better own a tiebreaker.
Game #3
The Octagon vs. Father Abraham (+16)
This week was to be a make or break week for FA, but it appears now that they are broken; as Priest Holmes has been placed on IR...It's a nice break for OCT, who's schedule for the final four weeks rivals (maybe surpasses) that of BB...JR is 3-0 against Souzek lifetime, including a 9.75 point win in week 1
News and Notes, OCT
No one (not even the Radmonium himself) will deny that JR has had his lucky spots. That being said, he's improved this club immensely from the days of week 6...QB spot is inconsistent, but solid as hell on a good day; WRs are reliable; and the RB corps is young and talented...I do believe that the Barber/Johnson for Caddillac/Wayne deal was made with next year in mind. JR gave a primary competitor for a playoff spot his best RB, while getting a guy who's best value is as a future keeper...Tony Gonzalez should get some more looks in the end zone with Holmes out of the picture...It will likely take 4 wins in the next 5 weeks for OCT to reach the playoffs, and that will be awfully tough with the top teams on tap; but they will make some noise...KPOBW: Antowain Smith
News and Notes, FA
We all consider SP to be the cursed franchise; but FA's team is so depleted that it's impossible for them to assemble 9 offensive starters with the roster as it is...Priest Holmes is done, and with him goes the playoff aspirations of the Father...It's a shame considering how strong the season started...The core of this team, with McNabb, Muhammed, Joe Horn, Stephen Davis, Holmes, Jamal Lewis was so strong at the beginning of this year, that it took a lot of bad breaks to dismantle...KPOBW: Joe Horn, Donte Stallworth, Aaron Stecker and Jaret Payton?
Playoff Impact: Little, for this week. It sucks for me to say, but FA is pretty much done; needing to win at least 4 of 5 without their best player. OCT needs to pick up this should-win game to keep pace (or jump ahead) of his 4-5 peers. However, if OCT falls apart this week, it should signal a premature end to a good run. That is the only way this game could really impact the race.
Batting Cleanup
Big Fat Guys vs. Cellar Dwellars (-40)
This is the 4th game this season to pit a groom against one of his groomsman; the groomsman are 2-1 so far...CD has a chance to move back into first place, as SKL has a tough go, and they face a down BFG squad...While no one else expects BFG to sneak into the playoffs, they do. Their schedule suggests that everyone else is right...Stem is 1-0 lifetime against Baron, winning their matchup in week one, one of the two times that CD has managed less than 100 points
News and Notes, BFG
Carson Palmer is on a bye, and that is terrible news...However, it's not as if Palmer was likely to be the difference between a win and a loss, as this club managed just 75.25 points this week...It's been noted that CD has failed to reach 100 just twice, whereas BFG has broken 100 just once; ironically, in a loss...Having Thomas Jones in the lineup with his status up in the air is gutsy, but last time this happened Jones erupted and led to a BFG win...Greg Lewis' value has spiked with TO out in PHI, and he will likely be a good start in the near future...KPOBW: Carson Palmer, Travis Henry
News and Notes, CD
I'm looking for a pro sports paralell to CD's season...They are consistenly dominating, yet overwhelmingly quiet in doing so...I think the best I can come up with is the Atlanta Braves; no one really appreciates how good they've been...Plaxico Burress has been a little quiet the last few weeks, but is still a legitimate WR1...With Anquan Boldin out, Larry Fitzgerald just looks better and better...David Givens is a questionable WR3, and that's not just on the injury report...Against Arizona this week, CD needs to see what Kevin Jones is going to bring to the table down the stretch. If he lays an egg, it may be time for Stem to make his first big move of the year and shore up the RB3 spot...KPOBW: None
Playoff Impact: Minimal. CD is in. BFG needs to win out, as they'll hold no tiebreakers. With that unlikely, this game doesn't really shape how the top 4 will end up after week 14.
The 5 Hole
ChamPeons vs. Who is Ron Mexico? (+11)
Housemates fave off once more, and if the yahoo projections are even close, not even Michigan Road will care about this one...Just the QBs are projected to score double digits in this one...Champ is 1-0 against his roommates, winning in week1
News and Notes, CHM
Julius Jones returns to the lineup, but Randy Moss is still out of it...Champion will need a lot out of both men to get into the playoffs...Ernest Wilford and Marshall Faulk will start this week in the place(s) of Derrick Mason and Mewelde Moore...Shawn Bryson also gets a starting nod, and...wait a second- a playoff contender (and someone who should get to .500 this week) is starting Shawn Bryson, Ernest Wilford and Marshall Faulk?...KPOBW: Chris Brown
News and Notes, WIRM
Believe it or not, this is a winnable game for WIRM...Ron Mexico starts for his namesake over Eli Manning, while Manning plays the Vikings. This sounds like something Tony LaRussa would do just to prove he thinks he's smarter than everyone else- and if he lucks into being right, he'll be (falsely) vindicated...Is it me, or has JJ Arrington started an absurd number of games for a VUFSA team this year?...The RBs on this team are nice, however not one of them is their team's primary rusher, which sucks...KPOBW: Odell Thurman
Playoff Impact: Not that much. Champ should stay in the race with a win, but looking at his lineup- it's hard to believe they stay there that long.
Madd Skillz vs. Sex Panther (pk)
Third straight game of the week that has some of the luster taken off because of bye weeks to one team...This game features the top two scoring teams in the league, yet the two are separated by 4 wins...Oddly, the football meetings for these two heavyweights have been suprisingly lopsided: Schillinger is 3-0 lifetime vs. Gieryna, including a 114.50-87.50 win in Week 1
News and Notes, SKL
Misses out on not only LaDanian Tomlinson, but Chad and Rudi Johnson this week due to byes...Did a nice job of assembling a fairly competitive lineup, but injuries to Fred Taylor and potentially Domanick Davis hurt SKL's ability to compete...LDT's spot in the lineup will be filled by Larry Johnson, who is suddenly a prime-time starter; Duce Staley will fill in Rudi Johnson's void of lots of yards and no TDs; Newly acquired Greg Jones replaces Fred Taylor; and Laverneus Coles is in the lineup in place of Chad Johnson...Should Davis not be able to go, Antonio Bryant likely gets pushed into emergency duty...Key Players on Bye Week: LDT, Rudi, Chad
News and Notes, SP
Looks, for now, to be on the right side of the luck spectrum, getting all of his studs back from bye, while benefiting from someone else finally missing players...Will miss Antonio Gates, surely, but Jerramy Stevens is a solid fill-in...Gets a couple of great matchups, with Willis MaGahee playing KC and the Rams facing the Seahawks...Acquired Tiki Barber this week (with Andre Johnson) and now has the unquestioned #1 RB corps in the league...KPOBW: Antonio Gates
Playoff Impact: This game clearly means more to 4-5 SP, especially with a stretch run of winnable games. After this week, it's two expansion teams before a tough one with BB and a close with OCT. As for SKL, every team in the playoffs will be equally dangerous, so seeding doesn't matter; they just need to get in and go from there.
The 2 Spot
Blaine Browns vs. Fred Lane's Wife (+6)
Two franchises with playoff experience gear up for the sprint to week 16...It's tough to predict an all-out collapse, so let's assume that there are only two playoff spots left; It's this writer's belief that 2 of the 3 favorites for those two spots play in this game, so it's a big one for both teams...Whoever scores the majority of the Indy TDs against Houston has a big advantage (Edge- BB vs. Peyton- FLW)...Viano is 3-1 lifetime against the Wolfman, although Drew's lone win did come in last season's 3rd place game
News and Notes, BB
Kyle Orton starts at QB, and if we were still doing predictions here, that would be enough to pick against BB...Drew Brees' bye and Ben Roethlisberger's injury coincide to force the Bears rookie QB into his biggest game of the year...The other notable absence in the lineup is Terrell Owens, who is not likely to play for the rest of the season. Regg;ie Brown takes his spot in the Eagles' pass-wacky offense, as well as BB's WR3 spot...KPOBW: Drew Brees, Keenan McCardell, TJ HoushmanihateJR, Terrell Owens (perma-bye)
News and Notes, FLW
Peyton Manning had a godly game last week, though it didn't help enough in a losing effort. He'll have another opportunity this week...Corey Dillon proved to be the downfall of FLW last week, as his injury laden efforts continue to crush this club...Roethlisberger's injury not only hurts BB, but also FLW and their star WR, Hines Ward- who has to rely on Charlie Batch to get him the ball...Joey Galloway turned out better than anyone expected...Bobby Engram in the lineup this week, holding a spot before Darrell Jackson is healthy...Picked up Todd Heap for Greg Jones to fill in for a bye week at TE, though Heap could be worthy of a couple starts down the stretch...KPOBW: Chris Perry, Ben Troupe
Playoff Impact: Immense. BB sits on a tenuous one game advantage for a playoff spot. His much discussed schedule puts pressure on every single week; for the next week looms a large task. FLW, on the other hand, could take a devastating hit with a loss, especially if any or all of the other 4-5 teams win. 8 appears to be the magic number for the playoffs: 8 wins will get you in. If you plan on finishing with 7; you better own a tiebreaker.
Game #3
The Octagon vs. Father Abraham (+16)
This week was to be a make or break week for FA, but it appears now that they are broken; as Priest Holmes has been placed on IR...It's a nice break for OCT, who's schedule for the final four weeks rivals (maybe surpasses) that of BB...JR is 3-0 against Souzek lifetime, including a 9.75 point win in week 1
News and Notes, OCT
No one (not even the Radmonium himself) will deny that JR has had his lucky spots. That being said, he's improved this club immensely from the days of week 6...QB spot is inconsistent, but solid as hell on a good day; WRs are reliable; and the RB corps is young and talented...I do believe that the Barber/Johnson for Caddillac/Wayne deal was made with next year in mind. JR gave a primary competitor for a playoff spot his best RB, while getting a guy who's best value is as a future keeper...Tony Gonzalez should get some more looks in the end zone with Holmes out of the picture...It will likely take 4 wins in the next 5 weeks for OCT to reach the playoffs, and that will be awfully tough with the top teams on tap; but they will make some noise...KPOBW: Antowain Smith
News and Notes, FA
We all consider SP to be the cursed franchise; but FA's team is so depleted that it's impossible for them to assemble 9 offensive starters with the roster as it is...Priest Holmes is done, and with him goes the playoff aspirations of the Father...It's a shame considering how strong the season started...The core of this team, with McNabb, Muhammed, Joe Horn, Stephen Davis, Holmes, Jamal Lewis was so strong at the beginning of this year, that it took a lot of bad breaks to dismantle...KPOBW: Joe Horn, Donte Stallworth, Aaron Stecker and Jaret Payton?
Playoff Impact: Little, for this week. It sucks for me to say, but FA is pretty much done; needing to win at least 4 of 5 without their best player. OCT needs to pick up this should-win game to keep pace (or jump ahead) of his 4-5 peers. However, if OCT falls apart this week, it should signal a premature end to a good run. That is the only way this game could really impact the race.
Batting Cleanup
Big Fat Guys vs. Cellar Dwellars (-40)
This is the 4th game this season to pit a groom against one of his groomsman; the groomsman are 2-1 so far...CD has a chance to move back into first place, as SKL has a tough go, and they face a down BFG squad...While no one else expects BFG to sneak into the playoffs, they do. Their schedule suggests that everyone else is right...Stem is 1-0 lifetime against Baron, winning their matchup in week one, one of the two times that CD has managed less than 100 points
News and Notes, BFG
Carson Palmer is on a bye, and that is terrible news...However, it's not as if Palmer was likely to be the difference between a win and a loss, as this club managed just 75.25 points this week...It's been noted that CD has failed to reach 100 just twice, whereas BFG has broken 100 just once; ironically, in a loss...Having Thomas Jones in the lineup with his status up in the air is gutsy, but last time this happened Jones erupted and led to a BFG win...Greg Lewis' value has spiked with TO out in PHI, and he will likely be a good start in the near future...KPOBW: Carson Palmer, Travis Henry
News and Notes, CD
I'm looking for a pro sports paralell to CD's season...They are consistenly dominating, yet overwhelmingly quiet in doing so...I think the best I can come up with is the Atlanta Braves; no one really appreciates how good they've been...Plaxico Burress has been a little quiet the last few weeks, but is still a legitimate WR1...With Anquan Boldin out, Larry Fitzgerald just looks better and better...David Givens is a questionable WR3, and that's not just on the injury report...Against Arizona this week, CD needs to see what Kevin Jones is going to bring to the table down the stretch. If he lays an egg, it may be time for Stem to make his first big move of the year and shore up the RB3 spot...KPOBW: None
Playoff Impact: Minimal. CD is in. BFG needs to win out, as they'll hold no tiebreakers. With that unlikely, this game doesn't really shape how the top 4 will end up after week 14.
The 5 Hole
ChamPeons vs. Who is Ron Mexico? (+11)
Housemates fave off once more, and if the yahoo projections are even close, not even Michigan Road will care about this one...Just the QBs are projected to score double digits in this one...Champ is 1-0 against his roommates, winning in week1
News and Notes, CHM
Julius Jones returns to the lineup, but Randy Moss is still out of it...Champion will need a lot out of both men to get into the playoffs...Ernest Wilford and Marshall Faulk will start this week in the place(s) of Derrick Mason and Mewelde Moore...Shawn Bryson also gets a starting nod, and...wait a second- a playoff contender (and someone who should get to .500 this week) is starting Shawn Bryson, Ernest Wilford and Marshall Faulk?...KPOBW: Chris Brown
News and Notes, WIRM
Believe it or not, this is a winnable game for WIRM...Ron Mexico starts for his namesake over Eli Manning, while Manning plays the Vikings. This sounds like something Tony LaRussa would do just to prove he thinks he's smarter than everyone else- and if he lucks into being right, he'll be (falsely) vindicated...Is it me, or has JJ Arrington started an absurd number of games for a VUFSA team this year?...The RBs on this team are nice, however not one of them is their team's primary rusher, which sucks...KPOBW: Odell Thurman
Playoff Impact: Not that much. Champ should stay in the race with a win, but looking at his lineup- it's hard to believe they stay there that long.
Guess the Owner Answers
The interest in this has surely died, but now that I have some time, I may as well post my answer key.
Player1 is Viano. JR said it well when he compared him to Billy Beane, a comparison I made when writing his bio.
Player2 is Champ. And there is really no question about this one. Dave and Kenny get some consideration as big movers, but their test will come when they get a few blue-chippers on board.
Player3 is Stem. However, everyone liked switching Lincoln and Stem, and really both men fit the descriptions of #3 and #6.
Player4 is Drew. The key word(s) here were "moveable picks." A lot of people put me here, and I do love being a GM, but Drew has vocalized to me many times how much he likes the fantasy experience to mimic real life GMing as much as possible.
Player5 is Baron, and not everyone is really rooting for him to lose. Although it chafes some owners sometimes, it's refreshing to have someone use the smack talk for, well, smack talking. The reason no one really resents the (faux) arrogance is because we know Baron is just having (a lot of) fun. I think I can honestly say that both expansion franchises have added a good amount of intrigue to the VUFSA.
Player6 was to be Lincoln. It could be Stem too, especially now that Stem has abandoned the doormat label.
Player7 is JR. Admittedly, JR is much more than just the dude who falls in love; although he does. The first fantasy characteristic I thought of when I thought of him was his affection for guys like Brad Miller, Drew Bennett and Andrei Kirilenko. I took a small part of his personality and made it his bio, which was misleading.
Player8 is the Gun. I have nightmares about what he's going to trade for next week.
Player9 is me. I am always very proud and happy with my drafts, and do tend to deal conservatively because of that. However, after agonizing over trading Todd Heap (my backup TE) for over an hour- declining, reproposing, canceling and re-reproposing a perfectly sensible trade, I realize I may be closer to player7 than I thought.
Player10 is DaveandKenny. Both are great fantasy minds who get riled up for their respective teams. Once they get the hang of the league, they'll be markedly better.
Player1 is Viano. JR said it well when he compared him to Billy Beane, a comparison I made when writing his bio.
Player2 is Champ. And there is really no question about this one. Dave and Kenny get some consideration as big movers, but their test will come when they get a few blue-chippers on board.
Player3 is Stem. However, everyone liked switching Lincoln and Stem, and really both men fit the descriptions of #3 and #6.
Player4 is Drew. The key word(s) here were "moveable picks." A lot of people put me here, and I do love being a GM, but Drew has vocalized to me many times how much he likes the fantasy experience to mimic real life GMing as much as possible.
Player5 is Baron, and not everyone is really rooting for him to lose. Although it chafes some owners sometimes, it's refreshing to have someone use the smack talk for, well, smack talking. The reason no one really resents the (faux) arrogance is because we know Baron is just having (a lot of) fun. I think I can honestly say that both expansion franchises have added a good amount of intrigue to the VUFSA.
Player6 was to be Lincoln. It could be Stem too, especially now that Stem has abandoned the doormat label.
Player7 is JR. Admittedly, JR is much more than just the dude who falls in love; although he does. The first fantasy characteristic I thought of when I thought of him was his affection for guys like Brad Miller, Drew Bennett and Andrei Kirilenko. I took a small part of his personality and made it his bio, which was misleading.
Player8 is the Gun. I have nightmares about what he's going to trade for next week.
Player9 is me. I am always very proud and happy with my drafts, and do tend to deal conservatively because of that. However, after agonizing over trading Todd Heap (my backup TE) for over an hour- declining, reproposing, canceling and re-reproposing a perfectly sensible trade, I realize I may be closer to player7 than I thought.
Player10 is DaveandKenny. Both are great fantasy minds who get riled up for their respective teams. Once they get the hang of the league, they'll be markedly better.
Eli's voodoo dolls
A quick sidenote on the recent influx of implications that I have voodoo dolls. For the record, I have no current voodoo dolls. However ...
Back in high school, my school (Galesburg High) was known for its outstanding girls basketball program. As it currently stands, they've won 20 straight regional titles and have been to the Elite Eight of the state tournament 10 of the last 12 years. I was enrolled there right in the middle of this run, so it was a good time.
My freshman year, the team met up with Loyola Academy, a rich and smarmy private school from the Chicago suburbs that recruited its players. Bitches. The best of the recruited players was a big, huge, large, gigantic Russian girl named Olga Gvozdenovic. She was impossible to stop, we lost, everyone was pissed and Loyola eventually went on to win the state title.
My sophomore year, GHS tore through the regular season and the postseason with a 33-3 record to reach the Elite Eight again. The opponent? Olga and Loyola Academy: The Rematch. They had only lost one starter from their state championship team and were ranked No. 2 in the nation coming into the game.
There was a big preview of the state tournament in the Chicago Tribune prep section, anchored by a four column vertical photo of Olga. Naturally, I cut out the photo of her and created a "voodoo doll" of sorts.
What exactly did I do? Well, I stuck pins in her knee and drew all over her face (probably a mustache) like any normal 16-year-old male would do. I gave it to one of my friends on the basketball team, and she put it in her gym bag.
As for the game, Olga got into early foul trouble and was never a factor. GHS ended up knocking Loyola off on a last-second jumper for the massive upset.
Olga then headed off to Duke on a full-ride scholarship. Her first game of freshman year? She blew out her knee, tearing three ligaments in a nasty collision. The very knee that I had stuck pins into on my voodoo doll.
So I'm not saying ... I'm just saying. Be wary if I ever do create voodoo dolls. Especially if I draw facial hair on women.
Back in high school, my school (Galesburg High) was known for its outstanding girls basketball program. As it currently stands, they've won 20 straight regional titles and have been to the Elite Eight of the state tournament 10 of the last 12 years. I was enrolled there right in the middle of this run, so it was a good time.
My freshman year, the team met up with Loyola Academy, a rich and smarmy private school from the Chicago suburbs that recruited its players. Bitches. The best of the recruited players was a big, huge, large, gigantic Russian girl named Olga Gvozdenovic. She was impossible to stop, we lost, everyone was pissed and Loyola eventually went on to win the state title.
My sophomore year, GHS tore through the regular season and the postseason with a 33-3 record to reach the Elite Eight again. The opponent? Olga and Loyola Academy: The Rematch. They had only lost one starter from their state championship team and were ranked No. 2 in the nation coming into the game.
There was a big preview of the state tournament in the Chicago Tribune prep section, anchored by a four column vertical photo of Olga. Naturally, I cut out the photo of her and created a "voodoo doll" of sorts.
What exactly did I do? Well, I stuck pins in her knee and drew all over her face (probably a mustache) like any normal 16-year-old male would do. I gave it to one of my friends on the basketball team, and she put it in her gym bag.
As for the game, Olga got into early foul trouble and was never a factor. GHS ended up knocking Loyola off on a last-second jumper for the massive upset.
Olga then headed off to Duke on a full-ride scholarship. Her first game of freshman year? She blew out her knee, tearing three ligaments in a nasty collision. The very knee that I had stuck pins into on my voodoo doll.
So I'm not saying ... I'm just saying. Be wary if I ever do create voodoo dolls. Especially if I draw facial hair on women.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
StatTracker
Suppose this were not a head-to-head league, but a roto league? Well, here's what it would look like, and you better appreciate how much time this took. The outcomes ... well, they're just about exactly what you'd expect.
Things of note:
The quarterback is even more valuable in this format, where essentially two categories are based upon one player. A guy like Eli, who had Daunte Culpepper, will naturally be more handicapped than you might expect as a result. Plus, Culpepper’s presence made turnovers more weighted.
Turnovers have more impact here, as they are a mere subtraction of three points in the head-to-head system.
A roto format would change the strategy of many teams…especially with the flex spot. A team needing reception yards may be more prone to put a receiver there and a rusher there otherwise. The strategy currently, to put a running back in that slot, would be further magnified since a running back is more likely to get receiving stats and not the other way around. Selecting who to start will hinge on what category is needed that week.
In no way can you really draw conclusions from this. Obviously, a head-to-head league would have more importance on receiving touchdowns, for example, than kicking, because there are far more players getting receiving touchdown points than there are kickers getting points. This treats the entire outputs of receiving touchdowns and kickers equally. Ditto for defense and really the QB values, with only one player compared to three or four registering fantasy points.
Kicking points take no distant field goals into account. It is simply the number of points (three for a field goal, one for a PAT) put forth by a kicker.
Without any other means of quantifying, I am accepting the yahoo system for scoring defensive players and tabulating overall defensive points, using that as one category. Obviously, this will favor teams who have defenders scoring touchdowns, so the category is one that probably shouldn’t appear in a roto format. Defense entirely shouldn’t appear.
I have chosen to throw out “return touchdowns” since that can’t be placed in any category and there would be too few of them to put in a single category. Also out the window are two-point conversions. Receptions and completions are removed from the equation to give equal footing to the outputs by quarterbacks, running backs and receivers.
It’s entirely possible that I mis-added in many places, and thus the results could be skewed heavily as a result. You can add them up if you’d like.
| Pass Yards | Pass TD | Rush Yards | Rush TD | Rec. Yards | Rec. TD | TO | Kick | Def. Points | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ed | 2261 | 15 | 2724 | 19 | 3766 | 26 | 12 | 42 | 112.0 |
| Drew | 2433 | 14 | 2926 | 16 | 3091 | 14 | 14 | 71 | 101.5 |
| Eli | 2138 | 10 | 2820 | 20 | 3293 | 20 | 23 | 58 | 131.5 |
| Stem | 1761 | 13 | 2038 | 25 | 2993 | 19 | 15 | 79 | 118.0 |
| Viano | 2135 | 15 | 2286 | 19 | 2442 | 13 | 11 | 64 | 67.5 |
| JR | 2074 | 12 | 2607 | 8 | 2591 | 17 | 14 | 68 | 129.0 |
| Lincoln | 2600 | 18 | 1440 | 18 | 2689 | 13 | 16 | 55 | 60.5 |
| Baron | 2369 | 13 | 1585 | 8 | 2453 | 15 | 16 | 61 | 105.5 |
| Champ | 2236 | 13 | 1788 | 9 | 2763 | 19 | 19 | 55 | 108.5 |
| Sluts | 1268 | 7 | 1386 | 12 | 2013 | 4 | 11 | 35 | 110.5 |
| Pass Yards | Pass TD | Rush Yards | Rush TD | Rec. Yards | Rec. TD | TO | Kick | Def. Points | Total | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ed | 7 | 7.5 | 8 | 7.5 | 10 | 10 | 8 | 2 | 7 | 67 |
| Drew | 9 | 6 | 10 | 5 | 8 | 4 | 6.5 | 9 | 3 | 60.5 |
| Eli | 5 | 2 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 1 | 5 | 10 | 59 |
| Stem | 2 | 4.5 | 5 | 10 | 7 | 7.5 | 5 | 10 | 8 | 59 |
| Viano | 4 | 7.5 | 6 | 7.5 | 2 | 2.5 | 9.5 | 7 | 2 | 48 |
| JR | 3 | 3 | 7 | 1.5 | 4 | 6 | 6.5 | 8 | 9 | 48 |
| Lincoln | 10 | 10 | 2 | 6 | 5 | 2.5 | 3.5 | 3.5 | 1 | 43.5 |
| Baron | 8 | 9 | 3 | 1.5 | 3 | 5 | 3.5 | 6 | 4 | 43 |
| Champ | 6 | 4.5 | 4 | 3 | 6 | 7.5 | 2 | 3.5 | 5 | 41.5 |
| Sluts | 1 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 9.5 | 1 | 6 | 25.5 |
Things of note:
The quarterback is even more valuable in this format, where essentially two categories are based upon one player. A guy like Eli, who had Daunte Culpepper, will naturally be more handicapped than you might expect as a result. Plus, Culpepper’s presence made turnovers more weighted.
Turnovers have more impact here, as they are a mere subtraction of three points in the head-to-head system.
A roto format would change the strategy of many teams…especially with the flex spot. A team needing reception yards may be more prone to put a receiver there and a rusher there otherwise. The strategy currently, to put a running back in that slot, would be further magnified since a running back is more likely to get receiving stats and not the other way around. Selecting who to start will hinge on what category is needed that week.
In no way can you really draw conclusions from this. Obviously, a head-to-head league would have more importance on receiving touchdowns, for example, than kicking, because there are far more players getting receiving touchdown points than there are kickers getting points. This treats the entire outputs of receiving touchdowns and kickers equally. Ditto for defense and really the QB values, with only one player compared to three or four registering fantasy points.
Kicking points take no distant field goals into account. It is simply the number of points (three for a field goal, one for a PAT) put forth by a kicker.
Without any other means of quantifying, I am accepting the yahoo system for scoring defensive players and tabulating overall defensive points, using that as one category. Obviously, this will favor teams who have defenders scoring touchdowns, so the category is one that probably shouldn’t appear in a roto format. Defense entirely shouldn’t appear.
I have chosen to throw out “return touchdowns” since that can’t be placed in any category and there would be too few of them to put in a single category. Also out the window are two-point conversions. Receptions and completions are removed from the equation to give equal footing to the outputs by quarterbacks, running backs and receivers.
It’s entirely possible that I mis-added in many places, and thus the results could be skewed heavily as a result. You can add them up if you’d like.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
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This week we head into the second go-around match-ups. The playoff "push" is on, despite there being a 5-way tie for fourth place with all teams below .500. So what are some of the big questions facing each club as they prepare for a run at or run through the post season?
Madd Skillz: 8-1.
Is Priest Homes done for the year?
If so, Larry Johnson's value has shot through the roof. Edwin looks very smart for holding onto Johnson despite early season trade offers when it appeared Johnson was around to, at best, share a carry or two when the godly Priest needed a rest.
Will Fred Taylor disintegrate?
Taylor according to his flaming yellow piece of paper says, "his availability...is up in the air at this point." That's pretty much how it always is with Taylor. Starting Fred in the playoffs and have him leave the field after a strong gust of wind causes him mild drying of the eyes could topple this mighty ball club.
Can Rudi Johnson find the end zone?
Rudi has the yardage to be a lead running back on any fantasy squad. But, he's only scored 3 times all season. Yards are great for a flex back, but TDs are needed from starting RBs.
When will the incorrect answers for Edwin's guess the owner game be posted?
Hopefully they will before new posts push it into the archives.
Cellar Dwellers: 8-1
What is going on with Kevin Jones?
One of last year's break out superstars has been one of this year's disappointments. Jones had over 1,100 yards last year, and this year he hasn't even made it to 400. I personally blame Jeff Garcia and Detroit security for allowing him near a field (I love Brushback.com), but if CD is going to advance in the postseason, they will need more than 3.0 yards per carry from their RB-3.
Can this team stay healthy?
Stem's squad is not particularly deep at any position except quarterback. They carry only 3 running backs and an injury to any one of them could be crushing. Randy McMichael has no replacement at TE. The team has four solid WR, but with Issac Bruce returning from injury, Shaun McDonanld, the team's top reserve, is at best a third option with the now-running-the-football St. Louis Rams. A couple of highly touted, but oft injured, and Joey-Jeff plagued WRs round out the Cellar Dwellers bench.
Can he avoid Eli's voodoo doll?
Sure Sex Panther has 40 more points and 4 fewer wins, causing the Gun to battle fits of depression, apathy, and intense anger. But hey, Cellar Dwellers was buried to the bottom of the standings all of last year and a little luck in matchups is certainly not undue.
Blaine Browns: 5-4
What the hell is one to do with Terrell Owens?
This question could be answered before I even post this as I have some ideas, but none of them am I really super crazy about. Despite suffereing from Curt Schilling sucktitude, Owens was the second best reciever in the NFL. All of a sudden he's done for the year and BB's lock for WR-1 is now empty. Does he get moved to help BB now, or is held onto until next year when he shall go back to being a number maker?
Past Terrell, what about the rest of the wide outs?
The running back situation has been solidified since week 1 (except week 8 when, if you missed it, I was without my three starting running backs), and it's the wide receiver position that has been ever changing. I stupidly, stupidly, stupidly released Santana Moss early on because I didn't want to drop my second overall pick and now free agent Drew Bennett. So instead of having Owens, Moss, and Donald Driver the regular trio, the WR position is now a hodgepodge of Driver, TJ Housmanihatejr, Keenan McCardell, Eddie "2 catches in 2 weeks" Kennison, and Reggie Brown. Sure it's not dire straights, but it's a significant step down from what it could have been.
Can the Blaine Browns survive the schedule?
Of BB's final 5 games, 4 of them are against the top 4 scoring teams in the league. BB has won the games he was supposed to, now it's time to win some tough ones.
Sex Panther: 4-5
Which Carnell Williams will play the rest of the way?
Early on, Cadillac was the best running back in the league and an obvious keeper. Injuries have since relegated him to Michael Pittman's equal, and quite frankly, that's no good...so says Stephen A. Williams's flaming piece of paper points out "Williams averaged 4.9 yards per carry over his first three games this season, but after suffering the foot injury, he posted just 1.8 yards per rush." Vroom vroom!
Will the St. Louis Rams be good?
As Steve Rhodes' team goes, so Eli Gieryna's team goes. A not particularly diversified team, SP could find themselves making an early exit in the playoffs if the Rams come across a tough defense. And yes, I think the Gun makes the playoffs despite their recent troubles. Marc Bulger, Torry Holt, and Stephen Jackson are the key to this team, but the fact that Sex Panther put up 100 points without them shows how deadly SP can be.
Will JR Radcliffe do it again?
The 2005's miraculous and amazing conclusion will likely never be duplicated. But through 9 games, The Octagon and Sex Panther have exactly the same record. Can Radcliffe pull it off? The answer is no, but it sure would be something he did. Side note: Bertrand Berry is done for the year after suffering a pectoral injury last week. I think it was Eli's voodoo doll.
Fred Lane's Wife: 4-5
Talk about Cadillac Williams, which Fred Lane's Wife is going to show up?
This team whalloped the competition scoring 154, 104, and 119. This same team also whimpered to scores of 62, 69, 67, and 71. A frightening squad when everyone is clicking, FLW is horribly inconsistent and that's not a good sign heading down a stretch when they must fight off 4 other teams with the exact same record for just one playoff spot.
Is the Pittsburgh backfield going to help out?
FLW owns the rights to two of the three Steeler running backs -- Jerome Bettis and "Waiver Wire" Willie Parker -- but neither one of them was the 100 yard rusher last week in Pittsburgh. That's two roster spots and one starting spot that's going to go to waste if Duce Staley continues to carry the load.
Peyton Manning is good, but can he be great?
Everyone who goes up against FLW hopes that Manning is simply good. Peyton is the best quarterback in the game right now, but when he throws for 250 and 1 TD, he's beatable in the fantasy world. When 2005's Manning appears, opponents see a 30.0 point performance that's difficult to come back from. Down the stretch, FLW is hoping they can count on more passing and less rushing.
The Octagon: 4-5
Will the recent moves be enough to get JR to the playoffs?
In this writer's opinion, I think JR has improved his team tremendously from where it was a few weeks ago. He turned two backups in Tony Fisher and Chester Taylor into a solid starter in Mike Anderson. Antowain Smith rushed for a 110 yards last week and all it cost him was a downgrade from Hines Ward to Jimmy Smith (and Chris Perry, eh). If Brian Westbrook can get focused with TO out of the picture, JR's wheeling and dealing may push him upward out of this 4-5 pack.
Can the 2005 disappointments turn it on?
Tony Gonzalez has been a one touchdown keeper. Trent Green has thrown for 8 fewer TDs than a guy The Octagon picked up off the waiver wire. Andre Johnson doesn't have 20 catches yet. If these three can offer anything, JR can either turn and trade them or actually play them to happy results. That Radcliffe is one win from a playoff spot with these three boo-boos (and JJ Arrington an ow-ey), shows just how well JR has GMed this band-aid squad.
Which team will Brett Farve throw to?
The Octagon's starting QB has 15 touchdowns (awesome!) and 14 interceptions (bummer!). It's understandable considering that JR Radcliffe himself has moved up from the practice squad to third stringer in Green Bay in light of the devestating injuries. Farve has no idea who is on his team and consequently who to throw to. Now that they are recruiting local high schoolers to run the football, the Packers will likely be throwing more than rushing from here on out.
ChamPeons: 4-5
Can the running backs be good enough to get by?
Julius Jones should be back starting this week, but with Marion Barber filling in so well while Jones was out, how short of a leash is Jones on? Mewelde Moore has a bad wrist, watched Michael Bennett put 100 on the Lions, and is the only player to admittedly be aboad Mindfreak Mike Tice's sex cruise. And well Shawn Bryson is starting for ChamPeons this week. Chris Brown is one of those Fred Taylor-esque fragile players that need to be in a bubble at all times to prevent injury. It's a delicate group of RBs, but just last week, Champ found himself in a playoff spot.
Can the pants pulling down Randy Moss come back?
Injuries have hampered Moss' season, but that's not to say he can't turn it up a notch down the stretch. 26 catches, 542 yards, and 4 TDs is a solid season for any WR, but Moss could have double those numbers if he were not slowed by his body. If Moss does play well, Ernest Wilford would not be getting a start this week for ChamPeons and I have to believe that Randy Moss over Ernest Wilford is a good thing.
Can Champ figure out the smacktalk feature?
Champ put the profound, tell-all comment of "IOWA" in week one into his smacktalk. Since then, this message has been stagnant. A team in need of a boost could just as easily insult JR with this feature and the team would respond with extra effort.
Big Fat Guys: 4-5
Can the team continue to build for next year and compete this year all at once?
For an expansion team to be one win out of a playoff spot 9 weeks into this season is ludicrious. Baron has done an excellent job forming a fantasy team, making it competitive, and managing to keep an eye to next year. Deuce McCallister and Ahman Green are on the roster solely for the purpose of keeper-ship, but will that hurt Brendel down the stretch when he may need to make a move or two?
How about those Vikings?
Brad Johnson is not a bad quarterback. With him throwing to Nate Burleson and Travis Taylor, BFG could find themselves with double touchdowns this week. Granted, Carson Palmer is the QB here, but I think BFG may have found himself a very solid backup. Plus, Burleson is bound to benefit from Johnson starting in Minnesota and may finally break out of his half season slump.
Can those backup RBs crack their real life starting line ups?
Brendel has done a solid job of acquiring the best back up runners in the league. Dominic Rhodes would be a top RB should Edgerring James go down. Marion Barber has already had strong performances in Julius Jones' absence. DeShaun Foster is waiting for Stephen Davis' leg to break. Jonathan Wells pushed BFGs to victory last week and would do so again should Domanick Davis miss significant time. Any one one of these backs will be a hot commodity should their real life starter come up lame.
Father Abraham: 3-6
Can the team rebound from a 5 game losing streak?
So things don't look great in Lincoln's camp at the moment. But looking at those 5 losses, 4 of them were to the top 4 teams in the league and the other a single digit loss to a hot BFG team. The combined record of the teams he will face the next four weeks is 13-23. Should FA turn it around against these opponents, he will continue to linger in playoff contention.
What to do with Jamal Lewis and Priest Holmes?
Two years ago, the answer would be sit on them and enjoy the two best running backs' numbers for the next decade. But what a difference just a season or two makes. Jamal Lewis is a changed man since returning from prison and perhaps while society-wise for the better, football-wise for the much much crappier. He's been terrible and this recent talk of it being a contract year and not wanting to hurt himself doesn't make much sense to me. No one is going to want him next year if he continues to stagger through a subpar season. Priest Holmes, on the other hand, is still good. His problem is a star running back pushing him out the door. Larry Johnson is the future in Kansas City and with Holmes' injury, the future is in question as to where Priest will play and at what level.
Can 2005's season ending trades be as critically acclaimed as 2004's?
Last year FA acquired Priest Holmes and Joe Horn once out of the playoff running. In turning a disappointing season into solid keepers, Souzek positioned himself for a strong 2005. Unfortunately, it hasn't worked out for a variety of reasons. But, if history is any indicaction, just because Father Abraham is out of the playoff race (and he isn't yet) doesn't mean he's done playing the game.
Who Is Ron Mexico: 1-8
How can WIRM benefit from being the only team out of the race?
Despite the unenviable position of being the only team out of a push for the playoffs, the season still holds a critical stretch for LaTomke's franchise. As just mentioned, Father Abraham turned the last weeks of the season into his own personal player buffet making moves and adding keepers down the stretch despite being out of the playoffs. The only problem is that I'm not sure how many players WIRM has that are going to be desirable for playoff teams. Marginal players, though, could solidify benches and add to WIRM's draft board next year.
Which guys should be kept?
Eli Manning is the only no-brainer. Lil' Eli has put up strong stats and could be the foundation for WIRM next year. Chester Taylor is likely to be the Ravens' starting RB next year and if LaTomke could find a few more guys like him to lock up in '06, the RB would look better than the Lee Suggs, TJ Duckett, Ricky Williams three it currently boasts. And obviously, Brandon Lloyd is a keeper...
When will Troy Murphy crack the starting line up?
The guy has more 3's and defensive rebounds than anyone else on The Fan Punchers and yet he's riding the pine. Oh yeah, football. Maybe Troy can play running back for the Texans.
Madd Skillz: 8-1.
Is Priest Homes done for the year?
If so, Larry Johnson's value has shot through the roof. Edwin looks very smart for holding onto Johnson despite early season trade offers when it appeared Johnson was around to, at best, share a carry or two when the godly Priest needed a rest.
Will Fred Taylor disintegrate?
Taylor according to his flaming yellow piece of paper says, "his availability...is up in the air at this point." That's pretty much how it always is with Taylor. Starting Fred in the playoffs and have him leave the field after a strong gust of wind causes him mild drying of the eyes could topple this mighty ball club.
Can Rudi Johnson find the end zone?
Rudi has the yardage to be a lead running back on any fantasy squad. But, he's only scored 3 times all season. Yards are great for a flex back, but TDs are needed from starting RBs.
When will the incorrect answers for Edwin's guess the owner game be posted?
Hopefully they will before new posts push it into the archives.
Cellar Dwellers: 8-1
What is going on with Kevin Jones?
One of last year's break out superstars has been one of this year's disappointments. Jones had over 1,100 yards last year, and this year he hasn't even made it to 400. I personally blame Jeff Garcia and Detroit security for allowing him near a field (I love Brushback.com), but if CD is going to advance in the postseason, they will need more than 3.0 yards per carry from their RB-3.
Can this team stay healthy?
Stem's squad is not particularly deep at any position except quarterback. They carry only 3 running backs and an injury to any one of them could be crushing. Randy McMichael has no replacement at TE. The team has four solid WR, but with Issac Bruce returning from injury, Shaun McDonanld, the team's top reserve, is at best a third option with the now-running-the-football St. Louis Rams. A couple of highly touted, but oft injured, and Joey-Jeff plagued WRs round out the Cellar Dwellers bench.
Can he avoid Eli's voodoo doll?
Sure Sex Panther has 40 more points and 4 fewer wins, causing the Gun to battle fits of depression, apathy, and intense anger. But hey, Cellar Dwellers was buried to the bottom of the standings all of last year and a little luck in matchups is certainly not undue.
Blaine Browns: 5-4
What the hell is one to do with Terrell Owens?
This question could be answered before I even post this as I have some ideas, but none of them am I really super crazy about. Despite suffereing from Curt Schilling sucktitude, Owens was the second best reciever in the NFL. All of a sudden he's done for the year and BB's lock for WR-1 is now empty. Does he get moved to help BB now, or is held onto until next year when he shall go back to being a number maker?
Past Terrell, what about the rest of the wide outs?
The running back situation has been solidified since week 1 (except week 8 when, if you missed it, I was without my three starting running backs), and it's the wide receiver position that has been ever changing. I stupidly, stupidly, stupidly released Santana Moss early on because I didn't want to drop my second overall pick and now free agent Drew Bennett. So instead of having Owens, Moss, and Donald Driver the regular trio, the WR position is now a hodgepodge of Driver, TJ Housmanihatejr, Keenan McCardell, Eddie "2 catches in 2 weeks" Kennison, and Reggie Brown. Sure it's not dire straights, but it's a significant step down from what it could have been.
Can the Blaine Browns survive the schedule?
Of BB's final 5 games, 4 of them are against the top 4 scoring teams in the league. BB has won the games he was supposed to, now it's time to win some tough ones.
Sex Panther: 4-5
Which Carnell Williams will play the rest of the way?
Early on, Cadillac was the best running back in the league and an obvious keeper. Injuries have since relegated him to Michael Pittman's equal, and quite frankly, that's no good...so says Stephen A. Williams's flaming piece of paper points out "Williams averaged 4.9 yards per carry over his first three games this season, but after suffering the foot injury, he posted just 1.8 yards per rush." Vroom vroom!
Will the St. Louis Rams be good?
As Steve Rhodes' team goes, so Eli Gieryna's team goes. A not particularly diversified team, SP could find themselves making an early exit in the playoffs if the Rams come across a tough defense. And yes, I think the Gun makes the playoffs despite their recent troubles. Marc Bulger, Torry Holt, and Stephen Jackson are the key to this team, but the fact that Sex Panther put up 100 points without them shows how deadly SP can be.
Will JR Radcliffe do it again?
The 2005's miraculous and amazing conclusion will likely never be duplicated. But through 9 games, The Octagon and Sex Panther have exactly the same record. Can Radcliffe pull it off? The answer is no, but it sure would be something he did. Side note: Bertrand Berry is done for the year after suffering a pectoral injury last week. I think it was Eli's voodoo doll.
Fred Lane's Wife: 4-5
Talk about Cadillac Williams, which Fred Lane's Wife is going to show up?
This team whalloped the competition scoring 154, 104, and 119. This same team also whimpered to scores of 62, 69, 67, and 71. A frightening squad when everyone is clicking, FLW is horribly inconsistent and that's not a good sign heading down a stretch when they must fight off 4 other teams with the exact same record for just one playoff spot.
Is the Pittsburgh backfield going to help out?
FLW owns the rights to two of the three Steeler running backs -- Jerome Bettis and "Waiver Wire" Willie Parker -- but neither one of them was the 100 yard rusher last week in Pittsburgh. That's two roster spots and one starting spot that's going to go to waste if Duce Staley continues to carry the load.
Peyton Manning is good, but can he be great?
Everyone who goes up against FLW hopes that Manning is simply good. Peyton is the best quarterback in the game right now, but when he throws for 250 and 1 TD, he's beatable in the fantasy world. When 2005's Manning appears, opponents see a 30.0 point performance that's difficult to come back from. Down the stretch, FLW is hoping they can count on more passing and less rushing.
The Octagon: 4-5
Will the recent moves be enough to get JR to the playoffs?
In this writer's opinion, I think JR has improved his team tremendously from where it was a few weeks ago. He turned two backups in Tony Fisher and Chester Taylor into a solid starter in Mike Anderson. Antowain Smith rushed for a 110 yards last week and all it cost him was a downgrade from Hines Ward to Jimmy Smith (and Chris Perry, eh). If Brian Westbrook can get focused with TO out of the picture, JR's wheeling and dealing may push him upward out of this 4-5 pack.
Can the 2005 disappointments turn it on?
Tony Gonzalez has been a one touchdown keeper. Trent Green has thrown for 8 fewer TDs than a guy The Octagon picked up off the waiver wire. Andre Johnson doesn't have 20 catches yet. If these three can offer anything, JR can either turn and trade them or actually play them to happy results. That Radcliffe is one win from a playoff spot with these three boo-boos (and JJ Arrington an ow-ey), shows just how well JR has GMed this band-aid squad.
Which team will Brett Farve throw to?
The Octagon's starting QB has 15 touchdowns (awesome!) and 14 interceptions (bummer!). It's understandable considering that JR Radcliffe himself has moved up from the practice squad to third stringer in Green Bay in light of the devestating injuries. Farve has no idea who is on his team and consequently who to throw to. Now that they are recruiting local high schoolers to run the football, the Packers will likely be throwing more than rushing from here on out.
ChamPeons: 4-5
Can the running backs be good enough to get by?
Julius Jones should be back starting this week, but with Marion Barber filling in so well while Jones was out, how short of a leash is Jones on? Mewelde Moore has a bad wrist, watched Michael Bennett put 100 on the Lions, and is the only player to admittedly be aboad Mindfreak Mike Tice's sex cruise. And well Shawn Bryson is starting for ChamPeons this week. Chris Brown is one of those Fred Taylor-esque fragile players that need to be in a bubble at all times to prevent injury. It's a delicate group of RBs, but just last week, Champ found himself in a playoff spot.
Can the pants pulling down Randy Moss come back?
Injuries have hampered Moss' season, but that's not to say he can't turn it up a notch down the stretch. 26 catches, 542 yards, and 4 TDs is a solid season for any WR, but Moss could have double those numbers if he were not slowed by his body. If Moss does play well, Ernest Wilford would not be getting a start this week for ChamPeons and I have to believe that Randy Moss over Ernest Wilford is a good thing.
Can Champ figure out the smacktalk feature?
Champ put the profound, tell-all comment of "IOWA" in week one into his smacktalk. Since then, this message has been stagnant. A team in need of a boost could just as easily insult JR with this feature and the team would respond with extra effort.
Big Fat Guys: 4-5
Can the team continue to build for next year and compete this year all at once?
For an expansion team to be one win out of a playoff spot 9 weeks into this season is ludicrious. Baron has done an excellent job forming a fantasy team, making it competitive, and managing to keep an eye to next year. Deuce McCallister and Ahman Green are on the roster solely for the purpose of keeper-ship, but will that hurt Brendel down the stretch when he may need to make a move or two?
How about those Vikings?
Brad Johnson is not a bad quarterback. With him throwing to Nate Burleson and Travis Taylor, BFG could find themselves with double touchdowns this week. Granted, Carson Palmer is the QB here, but I think BFG may have found himself a very solid backup. Plus, Burleson is bound to benefit from Johnson starting in Minnesota and may finally break out of his half season slump.
Can those backup RBs crack their real life starting line ups?
Brendel has done a solid job of acquiring the best back up runners in the league. Dominic Rhodes would be a top RB should Edgerring James go down. Marion Barber has already had strong performances in Julius Jones' absence. DeShaun Foster is waiting for Stephen Davis' leg to break. Jonathan Wells pushed BFGs to victory last week and would do so again should Domanick Davis miss significant time. Any one one of these backs will be a hot commodity should their real life starter come up lame.
Father Abraham: 3-6
Can the team rebound from a 5 game losing streak?
So things don't look great in Lincoln's camp at the moment. But looking at those 5 losses, 4 of them were to the top 4 teams in the league and the other a single digit loss to a hot BFG team. The combined record of the teams he will face the next four weeks is 13-23. Should FA turn it around against these opponents, he will continue to linger in playoff contention.
What to do with Jamal Lewis and Priest Holmes?
Two years ago, the answer would be sit on them and enjoy the two best running backs' numbers for the next decade. But what a difference just a season or two makes. Jamal Lewis is a changed man since returning from prison and perhaps while society-wise for the better, football-wise for the much much crappier. He's been terrible and this recent talk of it being a contract year and not wanting to hurt himself doesn't make much sense to me. No one is going to want him next year if he continues to stagger through a subpar season. Priest Holmes, on the other hand, is still good. His problem is a star running back pushing him out the door. Larry Johnson is the future in Kansas City and with Holmes' injury, the future is in question as to where Priest will play and at what level.
Can 2005's season ending trades be as critically acclaimed as 2004's?
Last year FA acquired Priest Holmes and Joe Horn once out of the playoff running. In turning a disappointing season into solid keepers, Souzek positioned himself for a strong 2005. Unfortunately, it hasn't worked out for a variety of reasons. But, if history is any indicaction, just because Father Abraham is out of the playoff race (and he isn't yet) doesn't mean he's done playing the game.
Who Is Ron Mexico: 1-8
How can WIRM benefit from being the only team out of the race?
Despite the unenviable position of being the only team out of a push for the playoffs, the season still holds a critical stretch for LaTomke's franchise. As just mentioned, Father Abraham turned the last weeks of the season into his own personal player buffet making moves and adding keepers down the stretch despite being out of the playoffs. The only problem is that I'm not sure how many players WIRM has that are going to be desirable for playoff teams. Marginal players, though, could solidify benches and add to WIRM's draft board next year.
Which guys should be kept?
Eli Manning is the only no-brainer. Lil' Eli has put up strong stats and could be the foundation for WIRM next year. Chester Taylor is likely to be the Ravens' starting RB next year and if LaTomke could find a few more guys like him to lock up in '06, the RB would look better than the Lee Suggs, TJ Duckett, Ricky Williams three it currently boasts. And obviously, Brandon Lloyd is a keeper...
When will Troy Murphy crack the starting line up?
The guy has more 3's and defensive rebounds than anyone else on The Fan Punchers and yet he's riding the pine. Oh yeah, football. Maybe Troy can play running back for the Texans.
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