The Good, The Bad, and The Needed

(Note: I composed half of this essay before Tuesday night's games and therefore all the stats might be slightly different than what they should now be. But back off 'cause I don't see you offering any baseball insight, punk.)

Cellar Dwellers:

The Good:

Has 7's in stolen bases and on base percentage thanks to Juan Pierre's speed and everyone else's OBP (Pierre .308). David DeJesjus (leads team with 26 runs scored) and JJ Hardy (leads team with 26 RBIs) are plesant surprises. Jamie Moyer and John Smoltz are throwing incredibly well from their old man rockers.

The Bad:
Stephen Drew is in a slump to start the season and considering his lofty draft location, more is needed. Michael Cuddyer has missed a slew of games to go with an anemic Twins offense. Chris Carpenter's arm is getting worse with each report. Chad Cordero's WHIP is higher than two closers' ERA.

The Needed:
In short, everything. Probably not too soon to start selling off parts ala Edwin last year. Some draft picks would be valuable in rebuilding as Pierre could go to a team needing stolen bases, saves are always coveted (Wagner), and Adam Dunn has been inquired about by no fewer than three teams.

Moises' Pee Hands:

The Good:
9 of Viano's 38 points (24% of total) come in the stolen bases category. Shane Victorino has stolen more bases this year (13) than his two previous seasons combined (11). Chase Utley is just getting going (5HRs, 26 RBIs) after a slow start.

The Bad:
Joe Mauer, Bob Wickman, Felix Hernandez, and Rich Harden are all on the DL and the replacement parts are Paul Lo Duca, Rafel Soriano, Scott Olsen, and Dave Bush, respectively. Yuck. Felipe Lopez in 133 at bats has managed a whopping 11 runs and 3 RBIs as Viano's starting shortstop.

The Needed:
A comfortable hospitable bed. Oh, and see Stem.

Genesis 25:8
The Good:
Vladimir Gurerrero is a scary man with a baseball bat. Jeff Suppan is pitching remarkably well. Dave Coty is a nice man. And Lincoln apparently watches The Office which is needed to understand about 3/4 of the league's smack talk.

The Bad:
Trades have not panned out as Michael Young is still playing well below where he should. Eric Gagne died exactly 4.2 seconds after becoming a member of Lincoln's team. Mariano Rivera can't snap out of his funk. Outfield includes Cory Hart (not playing every day), Shawn Green (picked up off of waivers), and Corey Patterson (bad).

The Needed:
An outfield is a good start. Not paying so much to get saves would help in every other statistical category.

Bondo and the Asians:

The Good:
Justin Verlander (2.75-1.22), Gil Meche (2.23-1.18), and Jeremy Bonderman (3.69-1.18) are a solid three at the top of the rotation, even if they aren't flashy. J.J. Putz is amazing, and I'll probably end up overpaying for him by the end of the season.

The Bad:
Has four second baseman on the roster including Ty Wigginton who is seeing regular playing time with a .295 OBP. Speaking of OBP, it was brought to my attention that Scott Rolen's is .276. Ichiro has scored 10 fewer runs than Rickie Weeks. Also, Tomke succeeded in breaking Lincoln's record for the fastest a newly acquired player went on the DL when Phil Hughes went down as the transaction was clicked as accepted.

The Needed:
As mentioned, Ty Wigginton is seeing regular playing time so any type of upgrade, including Ed Schillinger in high school would be good. Geoff Jenkins isn't playing every day so starting him in the outfield is incredibly risky. Another starting pitcher or two would be nice so that Tomke doesn't have to rely so heavily on Randy Johnson (6.50-1.56) and Chuck James (4.84-1.61) would be a nice.

Gyroballs:
The Good:
Has returned from a nine day hiatus and can once again devote the mandatory ten hours a day to staring at VUFSA related information. John Lackey is quietly one of the best pitchers in baseball (4 wins, 43 K's in 45 innings, 3.60 ERA), Brad Penny just went ape shit against the Marlins, and Matt Cain despite his 1 win is pitching really well. Offensively, Torii Hunter (6 HRs, 21 RBIs, 7 steals), Matt Holliday (5 HRs, 26 RBIs, .403 OBP), and most of all Josh Hamilton (8 HRs) have performed at or above levels expected.

The Bad:
Morgan Ensberg isn't that good at third (2 HRs, 10 RBIs in 91 at bats). Keeper Miguel Tejeda, first rounder Hideki Matsui, and second rounder Carlos Delgado have combined to hit 5 home runs. Tom Gordon is on the DL for the forseeable future, and Baron lacks a third closer to fill the last RP spot.

The Needed:
As mentioned, a third closer would help, though David Aardsma is a solid ERA/WHIP option. Chone Figgins not sucking (0 runs, .148 OBP in 26 at bats) would go a long way in the runs and stolen bases categories. An upgrade at second base and Julio Lugo (.302 OBP) and the previous big three would increase the offensive output tremendously.

ChamPeons:

The Good:
Champ has 5 starting pitchers with ERAs under 3.50 and WHIPs under 1.17. "Awesome" Al Reyes is, well, awesome with a stellar 10 saves and 1.80 ERA. The shortstop duo of Hanley Ramierez and Derek Jeter have .OBPs of .421 and .424. Prince Fielder is also really good with 9 homers and 26 RBIs. Add in a heating up Gary Sheffield, and things are looking up for Champ's offense.

The Bad:
First round selection Dice-K looked great in some early outings but has struggled since. He now sits with 5.45 ERA and a WHIP of 1.32. For all of Delmon Young's potential, he has a .282 OBP and just 2 stolen bases. Gary Sheffield struggled mightily to start the season, which put ChamPeons in a bit of a hole. Veteran issues. Ivan Rodriguez is finally showing his age (.267 OBP), and Mike Mussina has vanished.

The Needed:
In the middle of the pack, Champ certainly isn't out of it. With middle of the road numbers in the offensive categories (4 in HRs, 5 RBIs, 4 stolen bases, 6 in OBP), he could use a stud to drive up some of these statistics. Perhaps dealing from the similar stats of Jeter and Ramierz to drive up homers and RBIs might be a worthwhile move.

Kelly Kapoor:
The Good:
Has 10's in homers, RBIs, and stolen bases (9 on .OBP) that shows the signs of a keeper line-up that featured six offensive players. If anyone had expected this type of output from Barry Bonds (10 HRs, 22 RBIs, .528 OBP in 74 at bats), he wouldn't have made it out of the first round. Jose Reyes is phenomenal (30 runs, 19 stolen bases, .425 OBP), and Ian Kinsler is playing way better (9 HRs, 25 RBIs) than was thought of by a certain manager of Creed Bratton.

The Bad:
With just 3's wins and saves and 4's in ERA and WHIP, the pitching has held Eli back from his usual dominance. Brett Myers inexplicably found himself as a middle reliever in mid-April, but has had his value shoot up with Tom Gordon's injury. Typically shrewd moves netted The Gun Roy Halladay, CC Sabathia, and Jered Weaver while giving up very little (Manny Ramierez) offensively. The closers are not sexy (Owens, Soria, and Izzy) but at least are going to get save chances. If Jason Schmidt, Pedro Martinez, and Tim Lincecum can all pitch the way they are capable of the second half of the season, Eli may win the league yet. Oh, and Ryan Howard is batting .198.

The Needed:
Pitching performances. Eli's already gone out and made the moves to upgrade his pitching while subtracting very little from the rest of his club. Now, he just needs them to kick it up at notch. Ryan Howard and Raul Ibanez getting serious would help out, too.

Brady Quinn's Blonde

The Good:
10 in runs, 9 in HRs, 9.5 saves, and 9 in WHIP are all solid starts. Derke Lee (22 runs, 21 RBIs, .496 OBP) has resumed his pre-2006 injury standing as one of the best first basemen in baseball. Chipper Jones is healthy and playing exceptionally well (26 runs, 10 HRs, 22 RBIs). Chris Capuano (5 wins, 2.31 ERA), Kelvim Escobar (2.84 ERA, 1.17 WHIP), and Chris Young (4 wins, 3.29 ERA) have carried the starting staff.

The Bad:
BJ Ryan's arm has fallen off. Jason Frasor and Todd Jones may not be closers by the end of the season, which makes JR's bullpen fragile. I love Travis Hafner for multiple reasons and won't even bother posting his stats because damn it, he's awesome. Alfonso Soriano has had a miserable start to the season, and while hope is certainly not lost for him, he has to play more like the best player in baseball to push JR to the top of the standings.

The Needed:
Kenny Lofton is fine as a stolen base option, but he hurts so many other categories that if JR could get steals from someone else, it would help out. With a 2 in that category, someone needs to contribute. BQB also is posting a 2 in strikeouts and that brings me to the Rocket. Roger Clemens is 44, and if JR is going to win it all, Clemens needs to be dominant again. At the cost of nothing, though, Clemens could be the pick up of the season.

Creed Bratton:

The Good:
The Cleveland Indians representatives are playing well. Grady Sizemore is doing it all (26 runs, 5 HRs, 11 steals, .410 OBP), and Victor Martinez would be the top rated catcher if not for pulling a hammy in the snow (4 HRs, 26 RBIs, .434 OBP). Troy Glaus was player of the week last week and has 6 homers in 57 at bats. Late round pitching picks have panned out with Tim Hudson (3 wins, 1.70-0.91) and John Maine (5 wins, 1.37-1.07) leading the rotation. Even Dan Wheeler who has been unspectacular assumed the Astros' closing role about a minute into the season thereby making Takashi Saito and Eric Gagne expendable in a deal bringing David Ortiz to Creed Bratton.

The Bad:
Whereas Hudson and Maine have been the leaders of the staff, the two guys kept have struggled. Brandon Webb (2 wins, 3.75-1.38) and Carlos Zambrano (3 wins, 5.80-1.61) have shown flashes of being the #1 and #2 pitchers in Cy Young voting but early season shellings have inflated the stats. Ryan Freel has seen extended playing time and isn't that good. Bill Hall has struggled in an otherwise awesome Brewers' line-up. Lastly, proving why no owner should hold any non-AL Central leading Cleveland Indians on their roster, Jim Thome and Scott Podsednik are clogging the DL.

The Needed:
Webb and Big Z to get rocking would help the team's 4.5 in wins, 5.5 in ERA and 6.5 in WHIP. Much like Brady Quinn's Blonde, Creed Bratton holds crummy stolen base options in Willy Taveras and Ryan Freel who suck so bad while contributing to just one major category while harming all others. A better closer option would help what is an otherwise tentative bullpen (David Weathers, Dan Wheeler, Joe Borowski), and Jason Frasor relinquishing the Blue Jays' closer position in favor of Jeremy Accardo would do just that.

Banana Hammock

The Good:
No category is under 5, which shows no overwhelming weakness. Despite the recent whining about a little slump, Edwin does hold the best player in baseball (by far) in Alex Rodriguez (34 runs, 15 HRs, 39 RBIs, .426 OBP). The team is pitching out of their minds right now as Javier Vazquez is the only starter with a worse ERA than Johan Santana. Santana sucks, trade him to me. Dan Haren and Rich Hill both have ERAs under 2 and WHIPs under 1. Ian Snell and Nate Robertson have ERAs under 2.5 and WHIPs under 1.2. Papelbon (10 saves), Street (9 saves), Dempster (7 saves), and Torres (7 saves) form a solid four while giving Edwin the luxury of benching the slumping of the four (Torres) for the time being.

The Bad:
But Banana Hammock does have 3 5's (runs, stolen bases, and OBP), which does leave room for improvement. Craig Monroe is in the line-up today, which does say something. Pat Burrell has a .179 difference in his on base percentage to his batting average meaning he's walking a ton and not driving in runs. Rafael Furcal has scored just 15 runs and has only 3 stolen bases while getting on base at a yucky 31% rate. I hate the team name, which Edwin knows and is why he keeps it. Too many banana hammocks in Grand Cayman gave me nightmares.

The Needed:
Michael Barrett isn't playing well (8 runs, .294 OBP) and Yahoo has 3 catchers available on the waiver wire ranked hire than him. Albert Pujols has started very slowly and if he hits the way we all know he can, the offensive categories will show improvement. Likewise, David Wright from the utility spot is slow to go. Josh Willingham cannot continue to be the best outfielder in a group that boasts Andruw Jones and Jason Bay. And a miraculous recovery from Franscisco Lirano would be icing on the cake.