Randy Johnson + Bondo = Domination

As I said at the end of my last post, I would write about the outfielders and pitchers later, since I was tired. It took me about a week, but I've finally recovered. I did ten each for outfielders and pitchers, since there are a shit-ton of them. Here are the outfielders.

OUTFIELDERS
There are a lot of outfielders. They're pretty much the best at everything, too.

1) Alfonso Soriano - ELENI KAMETAS! - 1
I've tried to get this guy from Drew a lot, but he refuses to trade him. What an ass. Either way, like I said in the last post, I would let this guy play whatever position he wants to, since he's the best player in fantasy baseball, since Albert Pujols contracted bird flu.

2) Carlos Beltran - Jacque Itch - 3
I had this guy at one point in time. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I took him in the expansion draft. Either way, I should have kept him. Also, notice that after I wrote about rlh... being the worst name in our league, the Gun changed it. Unless this is some kind of Cubs joke about Jacque Jones that I don't understand, this one isn't any better.

3) Carlos Lee - Jacque Itch - 7
I don't think any other position in fantasy sports has three guys in the top seven. Maybe pitchers. Anyway, for a long time, I got Carlos and Derrek Lee confused. I thought they were one guy, but he had different names or something.

4) Jason Bay - BA Top 100 - 12
Another team name that I just don't get. For all of our sakes, I really hope it's a reference to B.A. Baracus from the A-Team.

5) Alex Rios - Cellar Dwellars - 17
Stem needs to give up on the year. And quit being ahead of me. I'm right there on the cusp of being the best team that's not the Gun, Drew, or J.R. Seriously, I could hang with any team but those three. So, if Stem drops out, BOOM. Eat it, Baron.

6) Vernon Wells - ELENI KAMETAS! - 22
Classic team name. Makes me laugh every time. Remember how bad she sucked at life? Didn't she date a freshman Phi Psi? I would be willing to be that if they were still together, she would insist on the two of them having an operation so that the penis in the relationship could be transplanted to her body.

7) Grady Sizemore - Bondo and the Asians - 30
If not for Viano's ever-present wittiness, easily the best team name in the league. Speaking of Viano, he works in sports information, and I recently applied to Saginaw Valley to work in their sports information department. I think I got Sizemore in the trade for Beltran, and I'm also thinking that the Tigers drafted his brother.

8) Ichiro Suzuki - Bondo and the Asians - 33
The first Asian to make it on the lists without being at the bottom. I'm glad I traded for this guy. The duo of Ichiro and Hideki "I'm so sorry I broke my wrist trying to catch a fly ball that I'm literally crying right now" Matsui should give me a formidable and honorable outfield next year. Oh yeah, Grady Sizemore, too.

9) Carl Crawford - Jacque Itch - 35
I keep hearing that this guy is going to get traded for Ervin Santana. Even though I have Ervin Santana, and have no problem with him, the fact that Crawford is on my list makes him better. And speaking of the D-Rays, I was at the game two nights ago when the Tigers tied it in the bottom of the ninth and won in 13 innings. I believe that, including the bar before, I had eight beers. It was a good time. Beers are way more expensive at Comerica than they are at Wrigley.

10) Jermaine Dye - ChamPeons - 36
This guy is a lot bigger in person than I thought he was. That could be one of the many reasons that he enjoys hitting homeruns so much. Once again, though, it's just too bad that the White Sox aren't going to win the AL Central. Stem knows what I'm talking about.