Baseball Recap 4.28

It's going to be a short one today. Because like Tomke's penis, it's better to have a short one than none at all.

1. Uncle Phil (80, 0)

Holy shit he's not slowing down. Not that Viano's team isn't good, but 80 points good? With a 16 point lead after three weeks? Scored another 50 runs this week. Oh by the way, Ben Sheets is due back this week.

2. Fukakke (64, -10)

I think Eli and I spend equal time in second place, but I somehow always land here on Mondays. Therefore, I look superior to people who only read recaps. Suck it, The Gun. Bow to my arbitrary day-of-the-week for recaps. League-high eight stolen bases last week.

3. Bob Loblaw (61, -8)

Like the teams surrounding him, lost considerable points this week. However, didn't lose more than two in any category. Those swings can be remade. Depleted pitching staff took a beating this week, as the ERA jumped 0.49 points.

4. Hank White (56.5, -4.5)

There's been a lot of lost points at the top of the standings, but no movement from 1-4. That means that we're getting awfully close to parity. Except spots 1 and 10. Stem had a nice week from his pitching staff, with four wins and five saves.

5. Harangatans (54, +14)

I wanted this week's photo to be a photoshop of Aaron Harang's face on an orangutan's head, and I worked on it for like a half hour before giving in to failure. I think that I did fine considering I don't have photoshop. Baron made a massive leap this week, and sits just 2.5 points out of 4th despite having 38.5 points in 9th place two weeks ago. Blame great pitching, notably James Shields (2/12/1.16/0.69) and Ednison Volquez (2/17/1.29/1.07). Fuck Johnny Cueto.

6. Dr. Jerry (53.5, -3.5)

Last year, 30 points separated 6th place from 2nd. This year, 6th sits 10.5 points out of the silver medal. Champ had a great power week, clubbing a league leading 13 homers and a league 2nd 43 RBI. Prince Fielder's awakening leads the offensive surge. More importantly, Champ is celebrating two VU Players being drafted by the Bears in the first three rounds! Go Crusaders!

7. The M.B.A.s (49.5, +11.5)

Big jumps in pitching, moving two points in wins, three in saves and four in ERA. Cliff Lee's supporting cast of Brandon Webb and CC Sabathia had very good weeks, to go along with Lefty Jesus' shutout on someday.

8. Curse of the Veggies (47.5, -9)

Sexy JR Radcliffe's team lost three points in runs and two in ERA. Crossed the dish a pithy 26 times this week. Sadly, has disappeared from smack-talking and name-changing for a personal record nine days. He is presumed naked. Possibly dead. But definitely naked.

9. Bondo and the Asians (44.5, +5)

A five point jump gets Dave squat in the standings. Rose up 4.5 points in runs, and notched a league-high 7 saves last week. Despite having only two closers rostered, Tomke holds a 10 in saves, thanks to Brandon Lyon's lights-out week. Someone from the GVSU intramural football team got drafted this weekend, so congrats for that. I have no doubt that Tomke deserves will take credit for this feat.

10. Slick (39.5, +4)

Reports out of Macomb say that Slick is not dead, but his team will remain on life support for the remainder of the season.