Wednesday, November 02, 2011

VUFSA in Review: Week 8

Parody may reign supreme in the standings (the teams tied for sixth are only one game out of a playoff spot), but not on the scoreboard. Week Eight saw another slate of games where not one contest was decided by fewer than 15 points. The closest match-up was Baron's 18.75-point win over Eli. Welty won his second in a row. Baron has gotten back to .500 thanks to his third straight win. Three of the four teams who were tied for first last week went down to defeat (my team was the only one that managed to avoid such a fate). Ed remained winless and traded away the one player who had performed somewhat consistently for him this year (but he did pick up another draft pick--more on that later). JR finds himself out of the playoffs this week, I'm guessing (based on the standings) because the first tiebreaker is total points scored. JR's loss is Drew's gain as he's back into the playoffs this week. On with the show.

Waiting for Goodell 126.25-Dexter McClusterfunk 107.50
The good version of Ben Roethlisberger continues to show up for Baron (12 TDs, two INTs in the last four weeks). Frank Gore and Arian Foster were both very good (37 points combined), and I'm sure Baron has waited all year for them to be good at the same time. Cam Newton continued to be super-good (I am going to go ahead and anoint this the Waiver Wire Pick Up of the Year--I feel confident in doing this), and Fred Jackson was solid, but there weren't any other eye-popping performances for the Gun. Interestingly, each guy had one of the New England tight ends. Baron won the tight end battle 7.50 (Rob Gronkowski)-7.00 (Aaron Hernandez). A special shout out to the ageless wonder Jason Hanson. The Lions' kicker put up 10.00 in Denver. Did you know: Speaking of Hanson, He and Drew Bledsoe were teammates at Washington State in the early 90's. They played Michigan in Ann Arbor in 1993 in my first game as a season-ticket holder.
WFG (4-4):
Good Big Ben (365 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT) led the way with 25.00. Gore (134 yards and a touchdown) was seemingly San Francisco's only offense against the Browns, and Foster added 124 total yards and a score. Mario Manningham caught six passes for 63 yards and a touchdown (12.00). Percy Harvin had a touchdown, but offset that with a fumble (8.50). Hanson (10.00) made one field goal and six extra points. Each of Baron's offensive starters scored at least 5.00. MVP: Big Ben. As mentioned before, the wrestling-loving QB has 12 TDs and just 2 INTs in his last four games. He started slowly but has really turned it on of late. LVP: Stevie Johnson. Not a lot to choose from, but Johnson had the lowest score of an offensive starter (5.00) with six catches for 57 yards.
DMC (5-3):
Hooray Cam Newton, who had 343 yards of total offense and three touchdowns (27.50). Boo Cam Newton, who also had two fumbles. Eli only got one other touchdown from his offense, coming from Aaron Hernandez. Fred Jackson did have 194 total yards (16.00), and Reggie Bush (maybe he knew Kim Kardashian was going to go back on the market) had 120 total yards for 12.00. Larry Fitzgerald had 98 receiving yards, and Fred Davis caught eight passes for 94 yards. MVP: Newton. He finished with 290 yards passing and three scores and also rushed for 53 yards. If not for the two fumbles, he would have surpassed the 30-point mark. LVP: Dez Bryant. The Dallas offense was less than spectacular as a whole, but Tony Romo couldn't find Bryant, who finished with just three catches for 28 yards (2.50).

Fruit on the Bottom 122.25-ChamPeons 102.50
Welty finally moved Steven Jackson back into the starting lineup (right after I had inquired about making a trade for him no less), and that led him to his second-straight win. Jackson finished with 30.00 points, and only LeSean McCoy (31.00) scored more points than he did. Michael Vick had a big day (27.25) to offset McCoy's output. Antonio Brown and Jared Allen (yay defense) also reached double-figures for Welty. After combining for 60-plus points in week seven, Drew Brees and Marques Colston combined for just 16.00 in week eight. The Eagles were able to shut down DeMarco Murray. Did you know: Jerome Simpson (see below) played football and ran track at Coastal Carolina, which located in Conway, SC (near Myrtle Beach).
FOTB (2-6):
Vick (329 total yards, two TDs, zero turnovers) had one of his best games of the year. Antonio Brown, Jeremy Maclin, and Jerome Simpson all caught touchdowns for Welty. The big story though was Jackson. He had by far his best game of the season (against the Saints even) with two rushing touchdowns and more than 150 rushing yards. His effort was needed as Welty's two other backs combined for eight points total. Jared Allen had five tackles and a sack to go along with a forced fumble and a recovery. MVP: Jackson. Maybe he likes the throwback uniforms. Whatever the reason, Jackson finished with 191 total yards and two scores. LVP: Ryan Torain. Washington's running game has been so bad, that the Redskins sign Tashard Choice, who had just been cut by the Cowboys. Torain managed 20 yards of total offense (1.50).
C (5-3):
McCoy had two touchdowns, and the rest of Champ's team (including Brees) had two as well. Brees (12.50) managed 30 fewer points than last week, and he actually had more interceptions (two) than touchdowns (one). Steve Smith had seven catches for 100 yards and a touchdown (15.50). No one else had particularly stellar numbers. MVP: McCoy. LeSean finished with 200 total yards (a career-high 185 on the ground) and two scores. LVP: Brees. Normally, I would avoid putting a QB who scored more than 10 here, but given the match-up and what he did last week, this has to be the most disappointing result on Champ's roster. Brees scored half as many points as he was predicted to have (and I think that estimate against the Rams was low).

Phil Powell Rules 118.25-Who is Ron Mexico 94.25
The Lions (excluding Calvin Johnson) did their best to try and lift Tomke to the win. He even got a 102-yard interception return for a touchdown from Chris Houston. Aside from those guys though (and the newly acquired Maurice Jones-Drew), Tomke didn't get much. Two players (neither of whom played much, if at all) came up with goose eggs. Ryan Fitzpatrick did what Ryan Fitzpatrick does (manages the game), Megatron caught another touchdown, Adrian Peterson had a really big day, and there was a Nate Washington sighting in Nashville. Did you know: Tomke leads the VUFSA in number of players with hyphenated last names with two (Jones-Drew and Green-Ellis). He also leads the league in number of players named BenJarvus, but that isn't nearly as impressive.
PPR (6-2):
I was bracing for a loss this week with Rodgers, Starks, and Turner all being on byes and Peyton Hillis suffering from the Madden curse, but points came from both surprising and not so surprising places. AP finished with 161 total yards and two scores (25.50). Four of the five receivers I started caught a touchdown pass (Jabar Gaffney, y u no catch touchdown?). Washington (15.00) caught a touchdown and ran in another. Brandon Lloyd (11.00) was so happy to be out of Denver that he caught a touchdown pass. Even Deion Branch caught a touchdown. Megatron had another touchdown and another 100-plus receiving yards (15.00). Fitzpatrick had two touchdowns but also two turnovers (16.25). MVP: Peterson. I was tempted to go with Washington, but AP's day (86 yards rushing, 76 yards receiving and two scores) was too good to overlook. LVP: Vernon Davis. He only had three catches for 27 yards (2.50). His up and down season continues.
WIRM (4-4):
Tomke made a big move by sending Darren McFadden and his 3rd round pick (yes, I know Stephen Tulloch was also a part of the deal) to Edwin for Andre Johnson and MJD. Unfortunately for Dave, Johnson missed the game again this week and he was kept in the lineup. Green-Ellis also registered a 0.00 as he only rushed for nine yards. Matthew Stafford (30.25) tossed three touchdown passes and looked fully healthy. MJD had 74 total yards and a score (12.50). Maurice Morris had 65 total yards and a score (12.50). Houston's pick-six was good enough for 11.50 points. Rian Lindell (spell your name like all the other Ryan's out there, jerk) enjoyed kicking in Canada (three field goals, 11.00 total). MVP: Stafford. He showed no ill effects from an ankle injury the previous week. He certainly did his part with 288 total yards and three scores. LVP: Green-Ellis. He has been limited by a toe injury, put he struggled mightily against the Steelers (0.00). It was so bad, that Kevin Faulk came out of retirement during the game to play for New England.

Pantry Cereals 129.50-Jamie Looks Hot 81.50
Drew got back to his winning ways thanks to three 20-plus performances (including one from a defensive player). Ray Rice (28.50) scored three touchdowns, which has to make Terrell Suggs happy. Tom Brady (21.00) threw a couple of touchdown passes, none of which went to Wes Welker. Jackie Battle scored a touchdown for the Chiefs, and Nick Novak made a bunch of field goals for the Chargers. (He would have had the chance to try one more if Captain Turnover--also known as Philip Rivers--hadn't fumbled near the end of regulation. JR only got one double-digit performance, although Eli Manning was pretty good (25.75). Ahmad Bradshaw was injured, and the JR's three backs combined for 16.50. Stafford favored Tony Scheffler instead of Brandon Pettigrew (1.50). Did you know: DeMarcus Ware's 20.25 points is the highest score turned in by an individual defensive player this season.
PC (5-3):
MVP: Ware. Speaking of Ware, he finished with four sacks and a forced fumble, which is about as much as the Valpo defense has done this year. Rice had 99 total yards and three touchdowns. Brady was held to under 200 yards passing (198), but he had two touchdowns and no turnovers. Battle (13.00) had 70 rushing yards and a score. Novak (12.00) made four field goals. Other than that, Drew's lineup was pretty quiet, but it didn't matter because Rice, Battle, Ware, and Brady would have beaten JR by themselves (82.50-81.50). Rice had a better day point-wise, but a defensive performance of this caliber deserves special recognition. It was good to see at least one Dallas player wanted to win against the Eagles. LVP: Jason Witten. While Ware was busy wrecking havoc, Witten managed just four catches for 28 yards (3.00).
JLH (5-3):
JR's winning streak came to an end because no one other than Eli Manning (25.75) decided to show up. JR got one non-QB touchdown, and it came from IDP Jason McCourty (9.50). Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams combined for 8.00. His three wide receivers combined for 10.00. It's hard to win when five players combine for 18.00. MVP: Manning. Eli passed for 349 yards and two scores. It would have been a worthy performance regardless of roster, but given what the rest of JLH did, this was an easy choice. LVP: Robert Meachem. Against the Rams, Drew Brees was expected to do more, so two catches for 12 yards (1.00) has to be really, really disappointing.

Let My Monkeys Go 102.75-Bobby Engram 53.25
Viano's squad got four double-digit performances (although none was higher than 17.00), but that was more than enough as none of Ed's players managed more 8.00. Ryan Mathews and Montario Hardesty were both injured, so Viano's RB depth may be put to test in upcoming weeks. Billy Cundiff (12.00) had the second-best score in this match-up. Matt Schaub was solid (17.00) but not spectacular. A.J. Green caught another touchdown pass. And Philip Rivers is still really bad at football. The best news for Ed was that he picked up Darren McFadden and Tomke's third round pick. Did you know: Ed has five picks in the first three rounds of the 2012 draft, including three in the third round. If he ends up with five players who are keeper-worthy, he will be right back in the hunt next year.
LMMG (4-4):
Schaub threw for 200 yards and had two total touchdowns and a fumble. Green (11.50) had four catches for 63 yards and a touchdown. He has had a really solid rookie year. Greg Olsen (11.00) had 73 yards receiving and a score. Anquan Boldin (10.50) caught seven passes for 145 yards. Cundiff made three field goals and three extra points. MVP: Green. Schaub had kind of a meh day, so Green goes here. LVP: Hardesty. He only had six rushing yards before leaving with an injury (and forcing Cleveland to turn to a running back no one outside of Cleveland has ever heard of).
BE (0-8):
The losing streak continues for Edwin. Rivers continued to be terrible (7.00) with three turnovers and no touchdowns. Chris Johnson was held under 65 yards for the sixth time in seven games this season. You know it's bad when the coach has to say that your stud running back won't be replaced. Early Doucet (8.00) had Ed's only touchdown. Let that sink in for a minute....(go ahead, I'll wait)...his roster scored one touchdown. Yikes. Heath Miller (8.00) had seven catches for 85 yards. MVP: Doucet. He gets this honor for no other reason than being the one BE player to find the end zone. LVP: Demaryius Thomas. He suffered from Tim Tebow's general lack of skills, as he only had one catch for 10 yards (0.50).

Next Week:
Ed looks for his first win of the season against Welty, Baron puts his three-game winning streak on the line against my team, Eli and JR square off in a battle of 5-3 teams, and there will be two contests pairing a 5-3 team against a 4-4 squad with Champ taking on Tomke and Viano facing Drew.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

VUFSA in Review Week 7

Kind of another disappointing week (in terms of the closeness of results) in the VUFSA. One contest was decided by 80.50 points, and only one closer than 10 (and even it was 9.50). Three long streaks continued (Champ and JR have each won four in a row, while Ed has lost seven straight). Welty got his first win of the season (congrats to him). At the halfway point, there is a four-way tie for first. Eight teams are within two games of first place (and also a playoff spot). There were a slew of injuries this past week (Stafford, Hightower, Moss, Mathews--his was minor I guess, Ryan, Graham, Jennings, McFadden), and they may very well decide who wins the championship.

Dexter McClusterfunk 102.50-Who is Ron Mexico 93.00
Cam Newton continues to prove the doubters wrong, while Stafford had problems with Atlanta's defense and then was injured to make things worse for Dave. Each team had RB problems, with Marshawn Lynch deciding before kickoff he was too hurt to play and McFadden leaving early with an injury. Tomke's tight ends combined for 27.50 points, and Plaxico Burress caught three touchdowns, while Eli got touchdowns from both Fred Davis and Dez Bryant. Did you know: Eli has three Heisman trophy winners on his team (Newton, Bradford, Ingram).
DMC (5-2): Newton had 315 total yards and two touchdowns. Only three non-QB touchdown from his team, but those who didn't find the end zone did put up a lot of yards. I'm sure this is the only week Eli ever wants to start both Reggie Bush and Lynch. MVP: Newton and his 26.50 points. He continues to be the lone bright spot for a very bad Carolina team, and his acquisition looks to be one of the better waiver wire moves this year. (Yes, I know I have said that already. I'll probably keep saying it). And Auburn was cleared in his who recruitment. So that's nice, if you're into that sort of thing. LVP: Lynch. If you're too injured to play it's one thing, but next time, man up and say so before the early games kick off so people can adjust their rosters accordingly.
WIRM (4-3): Stafford was only 15-33 for 183 yards and a touchdown (12.75). Tomke had seven non-QB touchdowns (including three from Burress and two from Jimmy Graham), but he only managed 6.50 from his two running backs. McFadden was injured very early in the game, and he contributed next to nothing. MVP: Burress. He only caught four passes for 25 yards, but three of those were touchdowns. LVP: Miles Austin. I hesitate to give this to anyone who gets injured during the game, so Austin's 1.00 total it is. Dez Bryant caught a bunch of passes, so why didn't Austin catch any?

Jamie Looks Hot 92.25-Bobby Engram 71.50
JR wins his fourth in a row, while Ed loses his seventh straight to start the season. Ed only had one guy put up double figures, and it was John Kasay. JR had five double-digit totals, with one of them coming from Neil Rackers. But the good news for Ed is that Kasay outscored Rackers 14.00-11.50, so at least he won the kicker battle. Matt Ryan had a solid game against the Lions, and the same could not be said for Philip Rivers against the Jets. In other news, Greg Jennings continued to be awesome (how did he get so wide open, Asher Allen?), while Chris Johnson continues to not be awesome. Did you know: Speaking of Johnson, he has had three games this season where he has rushed for fewer than 25 yards. At this rate (someone much smarter than I am figured this out), he is making approximately $20,000 per yard.
JLH (5-2):
Four total touchdowns for JR, but it was enough. Jennings had one of those scores, to go along with seven catches for 147 yards (16.50). Matt Ryan had two scores (also two picks) for 15.50, and Jonathan Stewart had the other TD (12.00). Shonn Greene (IOWA!!!) went over 100 yards (11.50). MVP: Jennings. He had almost half of Aaron Rodgers's passing yards on the day. LVP: Santonio Holmes, who finished with two catches for 24 yards. This week, Mark Sanchez only had eyes for Plaxico.
BE (0-7):
Ed's kicker was awesome. The rest of his team...not so much. Rivers (7.00) only threw for 179 yards and one touchdown. He also had two interceptions. MJD (8.50) went over 100 yards, but had a costly fumble at the goal line that was a nine-point swing (assuming he scores instead of fumbling). Chris Johnson rushed for 18 yards. Early Doucet caught a touchdown. MVP: John Kasay. He made two field goals and eight (!!!) extra points for a total of 14.00. LVP: Doug Baldwin. Lots to choose from here, but it goes to the guy who did not register a catch all game (0.00).

Fruit on the Bottom 93.00-Let My Monkeys Go 57.75
Welty gets his first win of the season (and in convincing fashion no less). Tim Tebow's fantastic last three minutes lead Welty's squad to victory. Mason Crosby made a bunch of long field goals, and Ryan Torain put up a goose egg. These two teams combined to have four players score at least 10 points. Earnest Graham and Ryan Mathews were both injured early on, so that didn't help Viano very much. Did you know: Tebowing, where you go out in random places, drop to one knee, and begin to pray, is the new planking. I didn't know this, but my Twitter feed tells me so, so it must be true. Try it for yourself and see how much fun it can be.
FOTB (1-6): At the start of the fourth quarter, Tebow had two passing yards. He finished with 161 and two scores, and he also rushed for 59 yards and a two-point conversion (25.50). Crosby made four field goals and added three extra points (16.00). Not much aside from that, although Antonio Brown did go over 100 receiving yards (8.50). MVP: Tebow. The Golden Child looked awful for three quarters, but he turned it on in the fourth and overtime. It will be interesting to see how he does against the Lions. Is he for real, or was this a result of playing the Dolphins? LVP: Ryan Torain. He rushed for -5 yards. That is all.
LMMG (3-4): The Texans scored 41 points, but Matt Schaub only threw two touchdowns. Still, he didn't throw any interceptions and accounted for 21.50 points, more than 1/3 of Viano's total for the week. Anquan Boldin (10.00) caught the only other touchdown for Viano's squad. Not much else to say. MVP: Schaub. Not a whole lot to choose from, but Schaub's day was good enough to end up here. Just under 300 yards and two scores. LVP: Greg Olsen. Cam Newton was throwing for a bunch of yards, but Olsen only managed one catch for four yards (1.00).

ChamPeons 155.00-Phil Powell Rules 118.75
This match-up turned about the time Drew Brees threw his first touchdown pass to Marques Colston. I went from being up 10 to down 10, and it was all downhill from there. Brees went off (five TDs). Also, DeMarco Murray and Matt Forte are pretty good as well. Champ only had five guys score in double figures (I also had five), but his were much, much better. Champ also won by 36.25 in spite of taking -3.00 from Tashard Choice. Did you know: Murray set a new Dallas record for most rushing yards by a rookie. Bonus: The Saints scored 62 points against the Colts, and the Rams have scored 56 points in six games this season.
C (5-2):
Champ has won four straight after a 1-2 start. Murray had 253 yards rushing and a touchdown (31.00). Colston had 98 yards receiving and two scores (19.50). Forte had 183 total yards and a touchdown (22.00). Even Steve Smith had 143 receiving yards (10.50). MVP: Brees. Five touchdowns and 325 yards passing. Not quite Rodgers against the Broncos, but it was very, very close. LVP: Choice. It's more than a little frustrating to lose to a guy who had a -3.00 on his team, but I guess it was easier to swallow because I still got curb stomped.
PPR (5-2):
Rodgers was awesome, again (30.00). Megatron found the end zone, again (13.50). Adrian Peterson had one of his better games of the year with 178 rushing yards and a touchdown (23.50). Michael Turner ran for 122 yards but no scores (12.00). The rest of my team was a whole lot of dreck. Nate Washington, Mike Thomas, and Dallas Clark were non-entities (1.00 combined). MVP: Rodgers. He threw for 335 yards and three touchdown passes. LVP: Dallas Clark. The Colts didn't do much right against the Saints, and Clark did not manage a single reception (0.00).

Waiting for Goodell 146.25-Pantry Cereals 65.75
Baron had six guys record double-digit point totals (including his kicker and a defender), while Drew's team (without Brady and Welker) managed not a single one. Jason Witten (9.50) came the closest, and then the next highest mark came from Charles Woodson (7.75). Arian Foster, Big Ben, and Darren Sproles all went off. Roethlisberger and Foster by themselves (68.00 combined) would have beaten Drew this week. Did you know: James Anderson went to Virginia Tech and was drafted 88th overall in the 2006 draft. (I had to look that one up, and by this time, I was out of interesting factoids to put here).
WFG (3-4):
Baron finally had Big Ben in the lineup when he had a good game (31.50). Foster (36.50) had at least 100 yards receiving and 100 yards rushing and three touchdowns. Sproles had 107 total yards and two touchdowns (23.00). Mike Wallace and Kellen Winslow also caught touchdowns. MVP: Foster. He finished with 234 yards of total offense and finally looked healthy. LVP: Devery Henderson. With all of the TDs Brees was throwing, Henderson (0.50) only had one catch total for nine yards.
PC (4-3):
Two total touchdowns for Drew. One came from Matt Hasselbeck, which was offset by two interceptions, and the other came from Witten. Woodson had two interceptions. In week one, Brady and Welker combined for 63 points. Just saying. MVP: Witten. It's probably not your week when your best player has five catches for 35 yards and a score. LVP: Ray Rice. He finished with just 63 yards and a fumble. He wasn't a big focus of the offense, and that clearly bothered Terrell Suggs, so it has to count for something.

Next week:
Ed looks for his first win against Viano, Welty looks to start a winning streak against Champ, JR puts his four-game winning streak on the line against Drew, Eli goes up against Baron (who is hoping the Good Big Ben shows up again), and the two Lions' fans square off, with Tomke hoping Stafford throws eight TD passes to receivers not named Calvin Johnson.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Around VUFSA: Week Six

This was kind of a stinker of a week. Not a single match-up was decided by fewer than 20 points. Bye weeks, injuries, and general suckitude of certain players led to these less than exciting results. While the scores weren't interesting, what the league looks like after Week Six certainly is. There is a five-way tie for second place, and eighth-place team is only two games out of a playoff spot. Next week will mark the halfway point of the regular season, and all we really know is the Ed and Welty are likely fighting it out for the top pick in the 2012 draft.

Jamie Looks Hot 117.50-Let My Monkeys Go 96.50
What happened:
This was a tie game going into Monday night. JR had three Jets going for his team, while Viano was all done. In spite of Mark Sanchez's continued ineptitude, JR's trio combined for 21.00 to get the win. With the Chargers on bye, Viano was forced to turn to Montario Hardesty and Hines Ward to try and get the job done. Matt Ryan finally had a decent game, Jordy Nelson caught a 93-yard touchdown pass, and Ahmad Bradshaw had a career day. Viano had five guys who scored at least 10.00 points, and then had no one else score more than 6.25.
JLH (4-2): If life wasn't fair when his team was 3-2, I can only imagine what JR thinks about his team being 4-2. Ryan (18.50) accounted for two scores and no touchdowns. Nelson (12.00), Brandon Pettigrew (12.00), and Santonio Holmes (10.50) all caught touchdown passes. But the story of JR's team was Bradshaw. Non only did he have three one-yard touchdown runs (which is a career high for him), but he finished with 130 total yards of offense (30.00). MVP: Bradshaw. He had 56.50 points in the first five weeks (two touchdowns), so he increased his output by almost 50 percent in one game. LVP: Reggie Wayne. He wasn't the lowest scoring offensive player (that would be Dustin Keller), but with Curtis Painter showing competence, this it's disappointing to get low totals (4.50 this week) from Wayne.
LMMG (3-3): When you have to start Montario Hardesty, it generally is a sign that you're in for a tough go of it. To his credit, Viano tallied almost 100 points, which is commendable in any case but especially with Ryan Mathews and Vincent Jackson on bye. How Viano got there, is quite interesting. For the second week in a row, Viano gets a big week from his kicker. Billy Cundiff (17.00) made five field goals, and was actually Viano's highest scoring player of the week. Earnest Graham (12.00) was a great play with LaGarrette Blount out. Matt Schaub (15.25) was stifled a little bit by Baltimore's defense (only one touchdown). A.J. Green (10.50) and Anquan Boldin (10.00) were the only other guys who had double-figure scoring. MVP: Cundiff (PFL Pride!!). Having your kicker as your top scorer (when the kicker is really good and not because the offense is putrid) will get him in this slot every time. LVP: Felix Jones. Jones finished with 33 total yards (2.00). Not good numbers from a featured back.

Pantry Cereals 122.75-Who is Ron Mexico 100.25
What happened:
Drew's AFC North corps of running backs all reached double-figures, and Dave's wide receivers only combined for 12.50 points, which is 1.25 more than Wes Welker had by himself (and he had an average day). Drew scored the most points this week in spite of getting a -1.00 from Davone Bess. Miles Austin returned to action, but Tony Romo's touchdown pass went to Jason Witten.
PC (4-2): Tom Brady continues to have problems with interceptions (two more this week), and he and Welker only combined for 30.00. They will probably have to combine for more than that in the coming weeks for Drew. I will admit to never having heard of Preston Parker (32 yards receiving and a touchdown), but maybe I'm in the minority on that. Rashard Mendenhall (20.00) had 146 yards and a score, while Ray Rice (15.50) had 161 yards of offense. Cedric Benson (11.50) and Witten (10.00) each had touchdowns as well. MVP: Mendenhall. Not much else to say. His numbers were very good, and have been good this whole year. LVP: Bess. He finished with 21 yards receiving and a fumble. You will find yourself in this space when your owner would have been better off leaving your roster spot empty.
WIRM (4-2): Tomke only got 10+ from two players (Matthew Stafford and Darren McFadden). Jahvid Best had 110 total yards (but apparently is suffering from concussion-like symptoms). Miles Austin and Jimmy Graham each had seven catches, while Roddy White, DeSean Jackson, and Plaxico Burress combined for six catches. That's where this match-up was lost. MVP: Stafford. Stafford (24.00) threw for 293 yards and two scores. I guess he doesn't lose any points for having a safety charged against him. It could have just as easily been McFadden (16.00), who continues to be awesome, and will probably only be better with the addition of Carson Palmer. LVP: Burress. One catch for 16 yards and 0.50 points.

ChamPeons 102.00-Dexter McClusterfunk 78.75
What happened:
Each team had a running back score 0.00 (for Champ it was Blount, for Eli it was Tim Hightower). Fred Jackson continued to be awesome, while Cam Newton came back to earth. Robbie Gould outscored Drew Brees, and Eli only had double-figure scoring from Jackson and Newton. LeSean McCoy and Matt Forte continued their stellar play (31.00 combined). Sadly, Terrell Owens did not make an appearance in this match-up.
CP (4-2): Brees (13.25) had three picks and only offset those with one touchdown. McCoy (19.00) had 139 total yards and a touchdown. Forte (12.00) had 123 total yards (but they let Marion Barber score the touchdown (or maybe it was Laurence Maroney--I can never remember who is who between those two). Brees was kind enough to throw his touchdown pass to Marques Colston (15.00), who finished with 118 yards receiving. So that was nice of him. MVP: Gould. The Chicago kicker (14.00) made three field goals, including one from 50+. LVP: Blount (although it could go to Champ himself for not putting another back in his place).
DMC (4-2): Newton had a really rough day (three interceptions and just one touchdown). Jackson was the top scorer on the team with 22.50. There's not a whole lot else worthy of mention. Mark Ingram (9.00) had a touchdown. That was it. Three touchdowns from Eli's entire team. MVP: Jackson. I am developing a man-crush on this guy. He just continues to get it done. This week, he had 168 total yards and a touchdown. Where would Eli's team (and the Bills) be without him? LVP: Hightower. He didn't play against the Eagles but was listed as active, which really sucks for his owners. That Washington backfield is a mess. Why does Mike Shanahan hate fantasy football so much?

Waiting for Goodell 104.00-Bobby Engram 78.75
What happened:
Thanks to bye weeks, trades, and injuries, Ed's starting lineup included Delone Carter, Kevin Walter, Jerome Simpson, and Bernard Scott. That's not exactly Murderer's Row. Joe Flacco led Ed's team (not necessarily surprising), but he only did so with 11.50. Ouch. Baron only got double-digits from four guys, but that's okay because Frank Gore decimated the Lions' defense. Baron's love-hate relationship with Ben Roethlisberger continued, as Big Ben only managed 13.00 this week. Baron did get at least 4.50 from every one of his offensive starters, and Ed had four players who managed less than that.
WFG (2-4): Gore led the way (21.00) with 146 total yards and a touchdown. Stevie Johnson and Mike Wallace (10.00 each) both had touchdown catches. Baron's team only had four touchdowns, but it was enough this time around. Big Ben only threw for 200 yards and one score, and Baron will have to continue to debate between him and Josh Freeman (23.75 this week). MVP: Gore. After almost being benched a few weeks ago, Gore has come out and put up great numbers the last two weeks. LVP: Mario Manningham. Manningham's 4.50 points was the fewest of each of Baron's offensive starters.
BE (0-6): After Maurice Jones-Drew's 91 percent started, the next highest on Ed's roster for the week was Jermaine Gresham at 37 percent. It has just been one of those years for Ed. (Not that there is a lot of sympathy around the league for the two-time defending champ). Flacco (305 yards and a rushing touchdown but two turnovers) was the top scorer at 11.50. MJD (10.00) had 104 total yards. Nate Burleson (9.00) managed Ed's other touchdown. Yes, you read that correctly. Ed's team had two touchdowns. MVP: LaMarr Woodley. Woodley had eight tackles and two sacks (9.00) to tie for the third-best total on Ed's squad. LVP: Bye weeks. I like Scott Chandler (0.50) too much to but him hear, so let me say that Ed had four guys who would be starters all on byes this week.

Phil Powell Rules 95.75-Fruit on the Bottom 61.50
What happened:
Neither of Welty's running backs played (Knowshon Moreno was on a bye and Joseph Addai did not suit up), and my team only had two players reach double figures (but Michael Turner and Aaron Rodgers were kind enough to go well past the 10-point mark). Jared Allen had Welty's second-best score of the week. The 49ers held Calvin Johnson without a touchdown, and Chicago's large lead limited Adrian Peterson's effectiveness.
PPR (5-1): A pretty blah week from the team at the top of the league. They only managed six touchdowns, and five of those came from Rodgers and Michael Turner. Rodgers (26.25) did throw for three scores (including a 93-yarder to Jordy Nelson). Turner (25.50) rushed for 139 yards and two touchdowns. It was by far his best game of the year. Other than those two, AP had the team's sixth touchdown and Megatron went over 100 yards receiving. MVP: Turner. His best game of the year came at a time when AP didn't do much and Peyton Hillis was hurt, so it was definitely needed. LVP: Hillis. The Madden Curse continues as Hillis has never been able to get on track this season. He managed only 1.00 point before leaving with a hamstring injury and could be out for a few weeks.
FOTB (0-6): Michael Vick (16.50) limited his turnovers (1), but he only had one touchdown. Jared Allen (10.50) had a sack, forced a fumble, and recovered a fumble. Vick's touchdown was Welty's only one this week. Neither of his running backs played. It was definitely a struggle this week, but since his Cardinals are in the World Series, I'm not sure he cares much. MVP: Allen. Double digits from a defensive player is great. Welty just needs the rest of his roster to do something. I'm half surprised he didn't bench him since the Vikings were playing the Bears. LVP: Welty. I don't want to be mean here, but he had other running backs who could have played and didn't. It doesn't look good when both your starting running backs don't play. I'm guessing he just forgot to make changes, or maybe he really does want to secure the top pick in the 2012 draft. By the way, circle week 9 on your calendars. That's when Welty takes on Ed, which could be a battle of two winless teams if things don't turn around in the next two weeks.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Around the VUFSA: Week Five

In this week's installment of Around the VUFSA, the last remaining unbeaten team lost (damn you, Eli), Tomke's five Lions brought some serious Thunder against Ed, Drew lost his second straight match-up, and JR won the closest contest of the season to improve to 3-2. All in all, seven teams are within one game of first, while the bottom three teams (Ed, Welty, Baron) have one combined win.

Jamie Looks Hot 80.50-Fruit on the Bottom 79.25
What Happened:
JR won by 1.25 points mostly because Welty didn't bother to swap out two defenders who were on byes. Perhaps, much like the Miami Dolphins, Welty is attempting to position himself to select Andrew Luck with the top pick in next year's draft (although I doubt it since he has Michael Vick), or maybe he was so distracted by the NLCS that he simply forgot to check. Brandon Pettigrew out-thundered Johnny Knox 9.00-1.00 to lead JR to the win. Matt Ryan underperformed, and Mason Crosby was Welty's second best scorer.
JLH (3-2): Mr. Radcliffe pulled off the victory despite only getting four touchdowns from his entire roster. One of those came from Pettigrew (9.00) on Monday night. Shonn Greene had 83 yards rushing and a score (15.00). Greg Jennings had JR's second best total with 12.00 (four catches, 82 yards, and a score). Ahmad Bradshaw recorded double-digits thanks to a two-point conversion (10.00). Players who scored more points than Matt Ryan (7.50): Greene, Jennings, Bradshaw, Pettigrew, and Neil Rackers (9.00). JR selected the wrong Carolina running back, going with Jonathan Stewart (2.50), while DeAngelo Williams (17.50) was on the bench. MVP: Greene with 92 total yards and a score against New England. LVP: Matt Ryan. Atlanta's quarterback has been a disappointment all season (almost Rivers-esque). Ryan's numbers of 167 passing yards, one touchdown, and two interceptions just won't get it done.
FOTB (0-5): Vick (21.50) threw for 315 yards and two scores and rushed for 90 yards, but he was done in by four interceptions. Denarius Moore and Mike Williams combined for 0.50 points. Welty's squad also managed just four touchdowns, with Jeremy Maclin (11.00) and Knowshon Moreno (6.50--no rushing yards, all receiving). Mason Crosby (14.00) scored the second-most points for Welty. It's usually not a good sign when your kicker is the second-best player on your team. Jared Allen (10.75) was the fourth-best, so without his only defender and kicker, Welty's team managed fewer than 50 points. Yikes. MVP: Mason Crosby. Crosby made four field goals (including one from 56 yards) and an extra point. LVP: Non-Maclin wide receivers. The four other wide outs combined for 4.50 points.

Who is Ron Mexico 122.25-Bobby Engram 118.25
What Happened:
Tomke trailed by 40 points going into the Monday night game, and his five Lions (specifically Jahvid Best and Matthew Stafford) combined for 46.75 points to keep Edwin winless. Ed had his best day of the year with six guys scoring at least 12.50 points. Unfortunately for him, Tomke got huge days from Best and BenJarvus Green-Ellis. The tide of this game turned when Best ripped off an 88-yard touchdown run. Another factor was that Stafford threw a bunch to Calvin Johnson and not much to Nate Burleson.
WIRM (4-1): Darren McFadden (6.00) and Stafford (17.75) were average, but Best (24.00 and Green-Ellis (25.50) picked up the slack. Best rushed for 163 yards, and Green-Ellis had 149 total yards and two touchdowns. DeSean Jackson (12.50) and Roddy White (11.00) each caught a touchdown, while Jimmy Graham had eight grabs for 129 yards (10.00). MVP: Green-Ellis. New England's new found running game is a boost to Tomke's roster. BJE is the least likely of the Tomke's three backs to go off, and it means good things if he can keep it up. LVP: Eric Decker. Two catches for -4 yards (1.00) is less than ideal.
BE (0-5): Philip Rivers had 250 yards and two TDs, but he also committed two turnovers (16.50). Vernon Davis caught two touchdowns (14.50), while Kevin Walter, MJD, Chris Johnson, Jermaine Gresham, and Beanie Wells each had a touchdown. This was by far Ed's best week of the year, and it still wasn't enough. I'm sure he would have loved to have played another wide receiver other than Burleson, but his other two (Britt, Andre Johnson) are both injured. MVP: Davis. It is rare to get two scores from a tight end, and with the loss of Josh Morgan, Davis is probably San Francisco's best receiver. The problem is, Ed traded him to me for a third round pick. LVP: Burleson (1.00). Stafford does such a good job of spreading around the ball, and it really hurt that he only found Burleson once.

Dexter McClusterfunk 130.25-Phil Powell Rules 112.00
What Happened:
Eli had six guys put up double-figure totals, while I only managed four. Calvin Johnson was unable to overcome a 32-point deficit by himself on Monday night. Fred Jackson and Cam Newton continued to be really awesome, and Stephen Gostkowski reached double figures as well (I think he even registered a tackle or something like that). On the other side, Adrian Peterson took out his frustration on Cardinals. Aaron Rodgers and Calvin Johnson put up solid days as well, but there wasn't a whole lot other than that.
DMC (4-1): Jackson had 196 total yards and touchdown (24.50). I know that the first pick of the second round is probably to early for the STEAL OF THE DRAFT, but Jackson has been stellar all year for Eli. I think Cam Newton (25.00--three touchdowns) qualifies as the best waiver wire pick-up of the year. Lynch (15.50) and Mark Ingram (10.00) both added touchdowns. Gostkowski (12.25) made three field goals and three extra points). MVP: Jackson (again). He just continues to be awesome. As long as the Bills keep playing well, Jackson will continue to put up at least 15 points every week. LVP: Jacoby Jones. Getting the start in place of the injured Andre Johnson should have meant more than one catch for Jones (1.00).
PPR (4-1): Adrian Peterson rushed for 122 yards and three scores (30.00). Johnson continued to be awesome with five grabs for 130 yards and a score (14.50). Rodgers (25.50) had almost 400 yards and two scores. Michael Turner found the end zone (and then the Falcons stopped running the ball). The rest of the lineup was a whole lot of meh. And against the numbers Eli's team put up, meh is not going to get it done. MVP: Peterson. He gashed the Cardinals and was undoubtedly much happier with the play calling in that contest. LVP: Brandon Lloyd (1.50) had one catch for 20 yards, and that was on Denver's final drive of the game.

ChamPeons 115.50-Pantry Cereals 84.75
What Happened:
Tom Brady and Wes Welker were merely average (23.50 combined), and Drew's two running backs combined for 3.50 points. Champ's three running backs combined for 36.50, and Drew Brees continued to do what he does (put up good numbers). Sebastian Janikowski (16.00) outscored everyone on Drew's roster except Dwayne Bowe, which is good for Sebastian but bad for Drew. Victor Cruz had another big day, and Michael Jenkins's 0.00 wasn't the lowest total in this contest, as Ryan Grant put up -1.50 for Drew.
CP (3-2): Brees (24.00) tossed for 359 yards and two scores. Cruz (15.50) had 8 catches for 161 yards and a score. LeSean McCoy had 107 total yards and a score (17.00), and Matt Forte had 151 total yards (14.00). Steve Smith had 79 receiving yards a touchdown (10.50). MVP: Cruz. The Giants' rookie had another big week, and he has quickly become Eli Manning's favorite target. LVP: Jenkins. He did have 32 receiving yards, but he lost it all thanks to a fumble.
PC (3-2): Brady only threw for one touchdown this week (partially offset by an interception), he had the nerve to throw it to someone other than Welker. Bowe (21.50) had two touchdowns and 128 yards receiving in KC's first win of the year. Janikowski made four field goals (including three from 50+). Other than that, there isn't a whole lot worth mentioning. Drew can hate the schedule makers for having Ray Rice and Rashard Mendenhall both be on byes at the same time. MVP: Bowe. He had struggled mightily through most of the season (not his fault), and this was a good game to get him going for the rest of the year. LVP: Grant. 24 total yards were negated by a fumble. It's a pretty strong statement saying that Drew would have been better off playing one of his guys who were on a bye.

Let My Monkeys Go 126.75-Waiting for Goodell 78.50
What Happened:
Viano had three guys who scored more points (including kicker Nick Novak) than Baron's best guy. Baron decided to sit Big Ben, and that turned out to be a tremendous mistake. Pierre Garcon continues to be Curtis Painter's favorite wide receiver (two more touchdowns), and Willis McGahee actually outperformed Ryan Mathews. Frank Gore, Arian Foster, and Mike Wallace were good for Baron, and no one else was.
LMMG (3-2): Matt Schaub (20.00) passed for 400+ yards and two touchdowns but also had two interceptions. Garcon (20.50) had five catches for 125 yards and two scores. AJ Green and Greg Olson each had touchdowns, while Mathews had 132 total yards and McGahee had 125 total yards. Novak (18.00) made five field goals to be the highest scoring kicker of the week. MVP: Novak. Garcon could go here, but we should reward the kicker for making five field goals. LVP: Vincent Jackson. Jackson caught three passes for 34 yards (2.50), and was Viano's lowest scorer on offense.
WFG (0-5): The good news for Baron (if you want to look at it that way) is that even if he had started Big Ben, he still would have lost. Six of Baron's starters on offense (including Josh Freeman) scored fewer than 10 points. Gore had 143 total yards and a score (16.50), and Wallace had 82 receiving yards and a touchdown (13.50). Foster pitched in with 184 total yards (13.50). MVP: Gore. He has had two solid weeks after being not very good to start the year. LVP: Freeman. There are (sadly) a lot of options here, but Freeman was the worst with only 187 yards and two picks (1.50).

Monday, October 03, 2011

Week Four in Review

Another week is in the books here in the VUFSA. Two contests were decided by fewer than four points. Ed and Welty remain winless, while a record-setting performance by Aaron Rodgers decided a battle of unbeatens, and Viano didn't have a player score more than 13.50 points, but it was enough to knock Tomke from the ranks of the unbeaten. And Baron will probably be sending Rotoworld some very mean and spiteful e-mails. On with the show.

Let My Monkeys Go 114.25-Who is Ron Mexico 112.50
What Happened:
Viano didn't have a player score more than 13.50 points, but he had eight(!) guys record double-digit point totals (including his kicker and a defender). Did you know Viano has been involved in the two closest games this season (week one loss to Eli by 1.50)? I bet you didn't. Anyone other than Viano who says they knew that is a liar. While I'm sure Tomke rejoiced in the Lions' comeback win, he was hurt by the fact that two of Detroit's scores were from defenders (neither of whom he played). Viano's San Diego threesome (Jackson, Tolbert, and Mathews) outscored Best, McFadden, and Tate (38-19.50).
LMMG (2-2): Viano didn't have one guy with an exceptionally stellar day, but he had eight guys with really solid days. Ryan Mathews (13.50) led the way without registering a touchdown. Vincent Jackson (12.50) had 108 yards and a score. Greg Olsen (10.50) had a touchdown against his former team. Sidney Rice (10.50) had a touchdown. (Wait, does that mean Tavaris Jackson threw a touchdown pass? That can't be right, can it?) Desmond Bishop (10.75) had a sack and forced a fumble. You know you've had a good day when you get double-figures from your kicker and a defender. MVP: Mike Tolbert. With the way Mathews has performed the last few weeks, I would have thought Tolbert's value would have decreased. Norv Turner is making good use of both backs, and Tolbert (12.00) chipped in with a touchdown. LVP: Anquan Boldin. Thanks to Joe Flacco's ineptitude (which was only surpassed by Mark Sanchez), Boldin had one catch for 28 yards and 1.50 points.
WIRM (3-1): If Tomke had started Romo over Stafford (in spite of all the interceptions), he would have won. The Patriots finally decided to run, and if he had started Ridley or Green-Ellis instead of Tate, he would have won. As for the guys Tomke did start, Jimmy Graham (17.00) was awesome and Eric Decker has become Kyle Orton's favorite red zone target (two touchdowns). The Patriots kept Darren McFadden out of the end zone, and DeSean Jackson had 171 yards but no scores. MVP: Jimmy Graham. The former Miami Hurricane power forward had 10 catches for 132 yards and a touchdown. With his trade for Antonio Gates, Tomke has three of the top tight ends in the NFL (Gates, Graham, Hernandez). So he's got that going for him, which is nice. LVP: Ben Tate. Tate only managed 20 yards on the ground, and he may be looking at a diminished role, with Arian Foster looking healthy again.

Jamie Looks Hot 84.50-Waiting for Goodell 81.00
What Happened:
Arian Foster finally looked like a top-three fantasy running back. That was about all that went right for Baron. He sat Frank Gore because Rotoworld told him to, and Big Ben went down with an injury. JR only had two guys score at least 10 points (Ryan and Jennings), but his team was slightly less bad than Baron's team was. This match-up had a mini "Thundering," as Reggie Wayne's four points allowed JR to overcome a 0.50-point deficit.
JLH (2-2): Matt Ryan and Greg Jennings were the only two players in JR's lineup to reach double-figures. Ryan was solid (20.00) against the Seahawks, and Greg Jennings had 1/4 of Aaron Rodgers's passing yards (14.50) and a touchdown. There's not a whole lot to say other than that. Ahmad Bradshaw had JR's only other non-quarterback touchdown. That's right, JR's team had three total touchdowns (half as many as Rodgers had) and he won. MVP: Greg Jennings. The pride of Kalamazoo Central High School (screw you, Jeter) had seven catches for 103 yards and a score. LVP: JR's three Jets. Dustin Keller, Shonn Greene, and Santonio Holmes combined for 5.50 points. If I have to pick one, I'll go with Greene. Two points from a running back isn't (usually) good enough.
WFG (1-3): I could probably sum this up with the phrase, "Baron hates Rotoworld." The nice thing about these close games is that I can play the "If he had started..." game. If Baron had started any of Gore (19.00), Julio Jones (11.50), or Josh Freeman (25.25), he would have won. On the bright side, Arian Foster (22.50) finally looked like he has shaken off his hamstring injury and is ready to start destroying defenses again. Fun Fact: Baron's team had two total touchdowns. So, Aaron Rodgers scored more touchdowns that JR and Baron's teams combined. MVP: Foster. His totals of 155 yards and a touchdown are more like what Baron had been expecting from Foster all along. LVP: Can I give this to Baron for sitting the aforementioned players? I get sitting Gore because Hunter got the start, but I think Julio Jones should be an every week starter. As it is, this goes to Rob Gronkowski. He took advantage of Aaron Hernandez's absence last week, but this week...no so much. He managed just one catch for 15 yards (0.50). Also, special notice to Ben Roethlisberger, who managed 6.00 points against the Texans and got hurt in the process.

Dexter McClusterfunk 114.75-Fruit on the Bottom 103.75
What Happened:
Cam Newton (31.75) and Michael Vick (31.50) basically canceled each other out, and wide receivers accounted for the difference in this match-up. Hakeem Nicks, Dez Bryant, and Larry Fitzgerald combined for 43.00, while Mike Williams, Denarius Moore, Jeremy Maclin, and Antonio Brown combined for 23.00 for Welty. Fred Jackson continues to be awesome for the Gun, while Welty needs to find another running back, as Knowshon Moreno continues to disappoint (0.50).
DM (3-1): Newton continued to look like he was worth the top pick in the NFL Draft. This week, he threw for 374 yards and a touchdown, and he also had two rushing touchdowns and finished with the second-highest quarterback total for the week. Nicks (19.00) had 10 grabs for 162 yards and a score, while Fitzgerald (9.50) didn't get in the end zone but did have 102 receiving yards. Bryant (14.50) only had three catches, but two went for touchdowns (that was when Tony Romo was still throwing passes to his team). Jackson (15.50) had 98 total yards and a score, and that basically accounts for all of Eli's scoring. MVP: Newton. It's not that surprising that he put up the numbers he did (for he has done it three of the first four weeks), but it's that he did it against the Bears. Newton scored 18 more points than Yahoo projected him to have scored. LVP: Tim Hightower. After a breakout performance two weeks ago, Hightower (3.00) saw most of his carries go to Ryan Torain this week. Not only will this make fantasy owners hate Mike Shanahan, but it could be a problem for Eli going forward.
FOTB (0-4): Vick was essentially all of Philly's offense (416 yards passing, 75 yards rushing, two touchdowns). Steven Jackson (12.00) had 64 total yards and a touchdown, while Tony Gonzalez (11.50) and Moore (7.50) each had touchdown catches. Jared Allen (7.00) was Welty's fifth-best scorer, which probably tells you all you need to know about the state of his team this week. MVP: Vick. Just as he was all of Philly's offense, he accounted for 30 percent of Welty's total score this week. LVP: Knowshon Moreno. Maybe part of this can be accounted for by Denver's deficit and having to get away from the running game, but Moreno managed just 11 total yards (0.50). This would have been a good week to start Torain in his place (although hindsight is always 20/20).

ChamPeons 131.50-Bobby Engram 113.50
What Happened:
LeGarrette Blount (18.50) brought a tiny bit of Thunder, as Champ rallied from a 0.50-point deficit going into the week's final game. Ed was burned badly by his three wide receivers, who combined for 4.00 points. Adding injury to insult, Andre Johnson left with a hamstring injury and could be out for a couple of weeks. Beanie Wells (31.00) and Matt Forte (29.00) were each side's high-point totals, and I honestly don't think anyone expected that. Ed's two tight ends accounted for 21.00 (17 more than this wide receivers), and we finally had a Chris Johnson sighting.
C: Forte's awesome day (228 total yards and a touchdown) led the way, but Champ had good balance with seven guys recording double-figure totals. Blount's 141 total yards and a score on Monday night were good enough to be Champ's second-best effort for the week. Drew Brees (16.25) threw more interceptions (two) than touchdowns (one). Owen Daniels and LeSean McCoy each had touchdowns, while Steve Smith didn't have a score but did have eight catches for 181 yards. MVP: Forte. Not only did he lead Champ's beloved Bears (BEARS!!) to victory, but Forte also led Champ himself to the win this week. It's weeks like this that will make it very hard to not give him the big contract he's asking for. LVP: Chad Ochocinco. With Tom Brady only having eyes for Wes Welker and the emergence of a running game, there weren't enough passes to go around for 85.
BE: Philip Rivers (18.25) didn't have a turnover this week. Good for him. Chris Johnson (11.00) finally decided he sort of wanted to earn his money and could be in the top echelon of running backs soon. Jermaine Gresham and Vernon Davis combined for eight catches and two scores (21.00), which is two more catches and two more touchdowns than Johnson, Nate Burleson, and Devery Henderson had combined. The big news is Johnson, who may miss a few weeks depending on the results of his MRI. At some point, Ed will catch a break this season. I promise. MVP: Beanie Wells, who attended the most god-forsaken school this side of ORU. Three touchdowns and 138 yards is a fantastic day, and it came from an unlikely source. If you asked which of Ed's three running backs was least likely to go off like this, I think Wells would be the runaway winner in that poll. LVP: All three of his wide receivers, who, as previously, mentioned combined for six catches and 52 yards. It's a testament to the rest of his roster that he scored 113.50 with only 4 from his three starting wide receivers.

Phil Powell Rules 146.75-Pantry Cereals 125.75
What Happened:
Aaron Rodgers out Brady-ied Tom Brady. That basically accounts for the difference between these two teams, as Rodgers posted a record-setting (I believe anyway) day with 51.25 points, while Brady only managed 20.00. Calvin Johnson set an NFL record by catching two touchdowns in his fourth straight game to start the season. Wes Welker continued to be stellar, and Ray Rice was the only semblance of offense in what was otherwise a dreadful Sunday night game. These two squads seem pretty even, and when they meet again in week 13, quarterback play will almost certainly decide it again.
PPR (4-0): Rodgers recorded what I believe is the highest single-game total (51.25) in VUFSA history. (Again, someone will have to check on that for me). Johnson (20.00) had one catch in the first half for three yards and had seven catches for 93 yards and two touchdowns in the second half. Michael Turner (20.00) had two touchdowns. Brandon Lloyd had eight catches for 136 yards (10.00). Kickers don't usually get much love here, but Matt Bryant (13.00) had three field goals of 40 yards or more. MVP: Rodgers. He's the first player in NFL history with 400+ yards passing, four passing touchdowns, and two rushing touchdowns in the same game. If only he hadn't thrown that interception. LVP: Scott Chandler. The Buffalo tight end only managed two catches for eight yards (2.00). Not so good after a touchdown catch in each of his first three games.
PC (3-1): Drew was done in by the fact that New England finally found a running game. Brady only accounted for two of New England's four touchdowns, and that was a big difference in the result this week. Welker (17.50) went over 150 yards and a score, and Dwayne Bowe (13.50) surpassed 100 yards with a score. Jason Witten (14.50) was Romo's favorite non-Lion target (eight catches, 94 yards, one touchdown). Ray Rice (16.00) had a 120 total yards and a touchdown. MVP: Welker. Witten or Rice could also go here, but Welker continues be a solid 15+ score every week. It's hard to go against that. LVP: Davone Bess. All of Drew's other wide receivers had either 100+ yards or a touchdown or both. Bess (2.50) had three catches for 21 yards.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Week Three In Review

I figured I would take care of this again this week. Since I'm basically a Comm major at Valpo again (and everyone but Welty knows what that is like), I have a lot of time on my hands. If you think I'm doing a crappy job, make sure to say so in the comments.
Another interesting week in the VUFSA as three teams moved to 3-0, the defending champion fell to 0-3 (and is probably cursing Chris Johnson and Philip Rivers) along with Welty, and Champ and JR both fell to 1-2. After last week's lack of close games, we had a couple decided by fewer than 12 points this go around (which I guess sort of qualifies as close). Games are listed in order of final margin of victory.

Pantry Cereals 129.75-Dexter McClusterfunk 124.00
The Lowdown: In a match-up of unbeatens, Drew keeps rolling along as Wes Welker topped the 30-point mark, and Tom Brady had his third-straight big day (although it would have been better if he hadn't channeled his inner Philip Rivers and throw four interceptions. Eli smartly decided to drop sexy Rexy and got a great day from Jermichael Finley, but his trio of Santana Moss, Tim Hightower, and Dez Bryant couldn't quite bring enough Thunder.
PC: Did you know that more than half of Brady's completions on Sunday went to Welker? As long as these two keep performing, Drew is going to keep winning. Welker had 16 catches for 217 yards and two scores (31), and Brady threw for almost 400 yards and four scores (although that was partially offset by his four picks). Ray Rice had 162 all-purpose yards, and Dwayne Bowe finally caught a touchdown pass. Hero: Welker, without question. A really good day for a receiver is 20 points, and 30 is almost unheard of. Goat: Since defensive players are exempt from this space, I'll go with Rashard Mendenhall. Facing a Colts defense that was gashed repeatedly by Peyton Hillis last week, Mendenhall managed only 37 yards on the ground and finished with 4.50 points. Not a strong showing.
DMCF: Eli is the league-leader in team names, with three in three weeks. So there's that, which is nice. His team had a very solid week (4th highest score), but unfortunately, they were opposing the team with the 2nd highest score. The Bears neglected to cover Finley (25.50) in the red zone, which I imagine angered the Gun much more than it pleased him, and Fred Jackson continued to be awesome (19.50). Cam Newton did fine (17.50) but could quite manage the magic of the first two weeks. Hero: Finley. He finished with seven grabs for 85 yards and three scores. Best TE production of the week, and it wasn't even that close. Goat: Hakeem Nicks only managed 2.50 points with both Mario Manningham and Domenic Hixon out.

Let My Monkeys Go 127.50-Champeons 116.00
The Lowdown:
Viano picks up his first win of the year as Ryan Mathews finally shows off some of the skill that made him a first-round pick in last year's draft. Champ only had double-figure scoring from three guys, and it was still almost enough to get the win. Sean tried to single handedly bring the Thunder, but Felix Jones kept that from happening.
LMMG: Matt Schaub was fantastic against the Saints (373 yards, 3 TD, 1 INT--27.50), and Mathews had 149 yards of total offense and two touchdowns (25.50). Could this performance spur Mathews onto great things this year, Viano sure hopes so. If for no other reason than it would allow him to leave Mike Tolbert on the bench. It isn't too often that play both running backs in a rotation will get a win, but it did this week. Felix Jones had 155 yards of total offense, and Sidney Rice caught eight passes for 109 yards. Let that sink in for a minute...Tavaris Jackson threw for 109 yards. I'm as surprised as you are. Also of note, Billy Cundiff scored 13 points, making him the highest scoring PFL alumnus of the week. (Hero: Mathews. He has started to put it together the last two weeks, and that could be real trouble for Viano's opponents down the line. Goat: A.J. Green. Four catches for 29 yards against the Bengals is just not good enough.
C: Champ's defenders combined for 23.75 points, which is quite commendable. Drew Brees was even better than Schaub (30.75), and Lesean McCoy (19.50) was the bulk of Philly's offense once Mike Vick left the game. Pat Angerer scored 8.25 points. I only mention that because he went to IOWA, so that's extra cool for Champ. Hero(es): All three of Champ's defenders. It isn't often that your defenders combine for that many points, and as will be seen momentarily, they easily outscored his wide receivers. Goat(s): Champ's four wideouts (Steve Smith, Brandon Marshall, Chad Ochocinco, and Danario Alexander) totaled nine points, or 0.25 less than Sean Lee scored by himself. Ouch.

Waiting for Goodell 119.75-Fruit on the Bottom 91.25
The Lowdown:
Baron picks up his first win of the season thanks to Rob Gronkowski's two touchdowns and his four wideouts combining for 45.50 points. Welty had two defenders (Jared Allen and Ray Lewis) put up double-digit totals, but that was offset by two zeros. Michael Vick's injury didn't help either.
WFG: No one was happier that Aaron Hernandez hurt himself than Baron. Gronkowski stepped into the primary role at tight end (although it's not like he was begin neglected when Hernandez was healthy) and finished with seven catches for 109 yards and two scores (21.00). Mike Wallace, Stevie Johnson, Darren Sproles, and Brandon Jacobs all had at least 12 points. Hero: Gronkowski. Normally, when a tight end is your leading scorer, it means the rest of your team was awful. In this case, it's because Gronkowski was quite good. Goat: Frank Gore. One measly point from Gore, who is on his way to becoming one of the biggest disappointments of the season (along with Arian Foster and Chris Johnson).
FOTB: Vick was injured (again), Knowshon Moreno didn't play, and Cameron Wake didn't record a single tackle. Two goose eggs and two points from Steven Jackson mean bad things for Welty. Jared Allen was Welty's highest scoring player, which is cool for Jared Allen, but is generally bad for the team's owner. Denarius Moore continued to be awesome. Also, Welty had him on the bench, but Johnny Knox should retroactively be given six points for that punt return for a touchdown. I don't care if there supposedly was holding, that deserves credit for the score. Hero: Allen. He was a one-man wrecking crew against the Lions. He totaled three sacks and also forced a fumble for 14.75 points total. Goat: Moreno. He was listed as active and did not get a single touch. Vick gets a pass here due to injury.

Phil Powell Rules 109.00-Bobby Engram 77.25
The Lowdown:
Ed's quest for a repeat championship took a serious hit this week, as he only had two players post double-digit point totals. Aaron Rodgers and Calvin Johnson were great for me, and everyone else managed to be decent enough to keep Phil Powell Express rolling down the tracks at break-neck speed.
PPR: Rodgers's three touchdowns doomed both Ed's real team and his fantasy one. Johnson had 108 yards and two touchdowns (20.25), and he would have scored more if really awesome catches earned bonus points. That one in overtime was spectacular. Adrian Peterson (15.00) was good in the first half, and we finally had a Mike Thomas (10.00) sighting. Hero: Megatron. He's the first wide receiver in NFL history to have two touchdown catches in each of his team's first three games of the season. He is quite good at football. Goat: James Starks. He may be the future running back in Green Bay, but a late fumble sent him into negative territory and saved Deion Branch from ending up here.
BE: First, congrats to Edwin as his State Farm office officially opens on Saturday. Well done, sir. Now on to the not so good news. Philip Rivers continues to do his best Ali Berdiel impression, and Chris Johnson still looks really rusty (11.00 combined). MJD (167 total yards), Andre Johnson (128), and Vernon Davis (102) all topped 100 yards, but none found the end zone. Joe Flacco (30.75) had a huge day on the bench, but it wouldn't have been enough to get the win. Hero: MJD was the best player of the week with 15.50 points. Goat: Rivers. Two interceptions and no touchdowns against the Chiefs (5.00) is awful, especially considering Ryan Fitzpatrick and Matthew Stafford both scored 30-plus against KC. Chris Johnson as well for scoring 18.50 points in three weeks.

Who is Ron Mexico 136.75-Jamie Looks Hot 99.75
The Lowdown:
Darren McFadden and Stafford keep Tomke unbeaten, and Kenny Britt's ACL no longer exists. Neil Rackers was JR's second-best scorer, and just like defenders, it doesn't generally bode well for you when your kicker is your second-best player for the week.
WIRM: Things didn't look quite so good for Tomke at halftime of the Lions game, but Stafford kicked into high gear in the second half to finish 378 yards and two scores (27.00). Darren McFadden rushed for 171 yards and two touchdowns (30.50). Jimmy Graham (13.00) continues to be one of the best tight ends this year, and Roddy White had nine catches for 140 yards (12.00). Hero: McFadden. He made Rex Ryan's vaunted defense look quite silly. Goat: DeSean Jackson. He only managed two catches (2.50), and if Vick can't go in the next few weeks, his value could be seriously hurt.
JLH: Matt Ryan thought he was Philip Rivers (three total turnovers), and Kenny Britt's knee exploded. This is nothing but hindsight, but if JR had started Eli Manning and Lance Moore in place of Ryan and Britt, he would have won. But the Brewers won the division on Friday, so I don't think JR is too bummed. Ahmad Bradshaw (18.50) and Shonn Greene (10.50) were pretty good. Hero: Bradshaw had 139 total yards and a score, tallying one of JR's three offensive touchdowns. Troy Polamalu deserves special mention for scoring a defensive touchdown (10.00). Goat: Santonio Holmes. I know Britt was in the negatives (-1.50), but the injury was the reason for that. Holmes, on the other hand, had one catch against a Raider defense that was shredded by Buffalo last week. Of course it could just be that Ryan Fitzpatrick is really that good and Mark Sanchez is really that bad.

Monday, September 19, 2011

VUFSA Week 2 in Review

An interesting week in the VUFSA, as the closest match-up was the 10.50 difference in the JR-Champ contest. There was a decided lack of Thundering. In addition, for perhaps the first time in league history (someone will have to fact check me on this as I don't have access to the league archives), each of the 10 squads crested the 100-point barrier. Ed is 0-2, Tomke may have set a league scoring record (again this will require fact checking) while getting a big, fat 0 from Plaxico Burress (that's what you get for playing a gun-toting Spartan), and Eli has discovered that Peyton Manning was the reason for all of his fantasy woes.

Jamie Looks Hot 131.00-Champeons 120.50
The Lowdown:
Matt Ryan's strong fourth quarter, Jacksonville's complete and total lack of a defense, and Ahmad Bradshaw's out-Thundering of Cadillac Williams knock Champ from the ranks of the unbeaten.
JLH: Each of JR's three Jets had a touchdown, and Dustin Keller (Dustin Keller?!?) had six grabs for 101 yards. Kenny Britt had 9 catches for 135 yards and a score, and Matt Ryan had 4 TDs, which was great once he finally stopped throwing interceptions. A solid day as only Bradshaw and Reggie Wayne didn't find the end zone. MVP: Ryan had the most points, but I'll go with Britt. Any time you can get double-digit points from a Tennessee wideout (Drew Bennett was the exception), it's a good day. When that comes against the Ravens, well, that's even better. LVP: Reggie Wayne only scored 5, and this could be a sign of things to come if Kerry Collins doesn't get better quickly.
C: Drew Brees did his job (much to Champ's chagrin I'm sure against his beloved Bears), as did his running backs. McCoy was awesome (24) and Matt Forte (Bears!) was seemingly the only receiver Jay Cutler could find before being swallowed up by the Saints' defensive line. The problem was a combined 5 points from Champ's two flex spots. That's where this match-up was lost. MVP: McCoy had two scores and was the only offense Philly had after Vick went down. LVP: Cadillac Williams started in place of Steven Jackson and only managed 4.5 points. Against the Giants no less, who let Tim Hightower run all over them last week. If Champ had had more faith in LeGarrette Blount and started him instead of Williams, he would have won by 4.

REX THE SEX CANNON 123.50-Bobby Engram 103.25
The Lowdown:
Sexy Rexy wasn't stellar, but he was good enough. Fred Jackson went off against the Oakland defense, and Ed is probably ready to punt Chris Johnson out of a window.
RTSC: In spite of the lack of suck from the "Sex Cannon," I think this will soon be Cam Newton's show. People (read: me) were skeptical of Newton after he pummeled Arizona, but he looked solid against Green Bay (when he wasn't throwing to Charles Woodson, that is). As for players who were actually on Eli's starting roster, Fred Jackson (25) had himself a day with 117 yards and two scores. He is now Coe College's second most-famous alumnus behind Marv Leavy. Larry Fitzgerald (15.5) clearly prefers Kevin Kolb to Derek Anderson. MVP: It has to be Jackson. Fitz put up great numbers, but that's to be expected. Anyone who tells you they knew Jackson would put up 25 points is either a liar or an alumnus of Coe. LVP: Reggie Bush only scoring 1.5 against the Texans is sad, although in fairness to him, there really isn't anyone on Eli's bench would have been a significant improvement.
BE: Jack Del Rio's decision to get rid of David Garrard has hurt MJD's value as teams are putting 11 guys in the box and daring Luke McCown to hit wide open receivers...and through two games he has still managed to miss them. Gabbert won't be any better, but MJD will have better days. I think Chris Johnson missed a lot more than people thought during his holdout, and if he doesn't get better soon, I think the owner of the Titans should ask for some of his money back. Yes, I know it was the Ravens, but when Javon Ringer looks better than you do, you have some issues. Not only can Philip Rivers not keep from turning the ball over, but he also didn't bother looking Antonio Gates' way more than once. MVP: Beanie Wells looked good as the main guy in Arizona, with 93 yards and a score. Also, credit to Rob Bironas for being the highest-scoring kicker of the week. (I didn't check that. I could just be making it up). LVP: Gates and Vernon Davis combined for 1 point. Only getting 1 point from one TE would be trouble, but to get that from two guys combined cannot happen if you're going to win.

Pantry Cereals 123.00-Fruit on the Bottom 101.50
The Lowdown: Tom Brady outscored Michael Vick by 20 points, and that was essentially the difference in this contest. Give credit to Welty's guys for even making it as close as it was, considering neither of his guys in the running back slot ended up playing. Charles Woodson had two interceptions and is still the only defensive player to win the Heisman, which makes him pretty awesome in my book.
PC: There's no truth to the rumor that Tom Brady (33.75) has requested that the league office just start inscribing his name on the MVP trophy, although barring an injury they might as well. Rice and Mendenhall each found the end zone, and everyone else did just about what Yahoo predicted they would do. It was a kind of ordinary day, but you can have those when Brady is being super-awesome. MVP: I have hesitated to put a quarterback here because they are supposed to put up big numbers, but when a guy throws for 423 yards and three scores, he ends up in this space, so Brady it is. Woodson is the runner-up her for being Cam Newton's second-favorite receiver. LVP: Davone Bess (3) is the number two receiver in Miami, and people expected more from him after Henne's big game in Week 1. Austin Collie has been disappointing, but that's more Kerry Collins's fault than his own.
FOTB: Like Faith Hill says, Welty waited all day for Sunday night. He got 60.25 points from the three guys he had going in the nightcap. If Vick doesn't get hurt, this might have turned out differently. If Vick doesn't fumble twice or throw a pick, this might have turned out differently. Maclin and Tony Gonzalez were super good, which kept this from being a total blowout. MVP: Maclin had 13 catches for 171 yards and two scores. That's a damn good day. Gonzalez also had two touchdowns, so these guys accounted for all four non-QB touchdowns Welty had. LVP: I thought about putting Welty here for starting both Jackson and Knowshon Moreno, neither of whom played, but then I looked at his roster and realized he was better off playing them and hoping they would play rather than going some of the guys on his bench. So this honor falls to Mike Williams. Josh Freeman was leading your team to a great comeback win against the Vikings, and you only catch one pass for -4 yards? What's your deal, man?

Phil Powell Rules 148.50-Let My Monkeys Go 105.00
The Lowdown:
It isn't every day that Adrian Peterson will outscore Aaron Rodgers, and when that happens because both had good days and not because Rodgers was awful, that means good things for my team. Peyton Hillis ran over the Colts defense (which is something a lot of running backs are going to do this year). Vincent Jackson and A.J. Green did their best to keep Viano within striking distance, but his three running backs combined for 10.5 points, which is 8 points fewer than Michael Turner scored by himself.
PPR: Seven guys scored at least 9.5 points, which usually means good things. Peterson, Turner, and Hillis combined for 328 rushing yards and five touchdowns. Calvin Johnson had two scores (thanks for throwing on 4th-and-goal from the 1, Jim Schwartz), and Kerry Collins was kind enough to throw to Dallas Clark when he was open in the end zone. MVP: Peterson gashed the Bucs with 120 yards and two scores. LVP: Mike Thomas only managed three catches for 29 yards. This may become the norm as Jack Del Rio shuffles quarterbacks in and out.
LMMG: Viano chose the wrong San Diego running back this week, as Mike Tolbert managed only 6 points, while Ryan Mathews had 18.50 on the bench. Jamaal Charles's ACL exploding didn't help either. He also had Willis McGahee (16.50) on the bench. On the bright side, Vincent Jackson and A.J. Green are really, really good. MVP: Jackson must be the object of Philip Rivers's man-crush, as he had 10 catches for 172 yards and two touchdowns. Green (10 receptions for 124 yards and a score) was not far behind. LVP: The Lions' mascot who blew up Charles's knee. Not only did he manage just 2 points, but one of the top four running backs is now out for the year. Viano has Thomas Jones, so that softens the blow a bit, but this is a big problem for Viano's monkeys.

Who is Ron Mexico 161.50-Waiting for Goddell 101.00
The Lowdown:
Tomke scored a ton of points (thanks in part to his love of the Lions), and that included a goose egg from Plax. If you had told Baron that DeSean Jackson and Roddy White would combine for 11 points, I think Baron would have felt (at least sort of) good about his chances. That was not the case at all. Darren McFadden and Jahvid Best each had two touchdowns, and Miles Austin caught three. Arian Foster was mostly ineffective and then got hurt again.
WIRM: Sweet Jesus. I don't know what else to say, other than I'm a little bitter to have scored almost 150 points and not have the high score of the week. Stafford (31.75), Austin (29.50), McFadden (22.50), and Best (23) were all really, really awesome. Those four combined for 106.75 points (someone check my math), which was good enough to beat Viano, Welty, Ed, and Baron by themselves. Throw in Aaron Hernandez and BenJarvus Green-Ellis (26 points combined), and those six would have beaten everyone except me. That's one helluva day. MVP: Miles Austin had nine catches for 143 yards and three touchdowns. Of all the stellar numbers Tomke's stars put up this week, those numbers stand out above the rest. LVP: Plaxico Burress and his 0. Tomke had 161.50 points, and he had one player score a 0. Let me repeat that, 161.50 points with a 0.
WFG: The saga of Arian Foster continues. He wasn't very good when he was in the game, and then he left with another injury. Big Ben and Mike Wallace were good, but Baron was hurt by the fact that the Seahawks are so awful that passing was unnecessary after halftime. Baron also had two wide receivers in his flex spots, and he would have been better served to have used an additional running back or Rob Gronkowski, although in fairness, it hardly would have mattered this week. Baron's team just ran into a buzz saw. MVP: Mike Wallace had 8 grabs for 126 yards and a score (16 points), and Stevie Johnson had 8 catches for 96 yards and a touchdown (14.50). These two were really the highlight of Baron's day. LVP: A lot was expected of Julio Jones this year, and the rookie didn't have as big a contribution (two catches, 29 yards) this week as people expected. I also would like to put Baron here for benching both Darren Sproles and Brandon Jacobs.

Monday, August 29, 2011

2011 Preseason Preview and Poll Results


It was so good to have everyone together for the draft this year! (click for larger version)

10. Fruit on the Bottom (78 points)

Autodraft is a cruel, cruel fate. While Welty was enjoying some tender lump crab meat at Joe's Crab Shack, Morris from Yahoo! was selecting a stable of has-been receivers and backup running backs to fill out Welty's roster. The move to acquire Michael Vick before the season was a well-calculated gamble with Tremendous Upside Potential, but Fruit on the Bottom will now need Vick to play 16 superhuman games to have a shot at competing. Anything less and there's not just not enough talent to stay in the race.

One useless statement from Peter King: I think Mike Sims-Walker could play football this year in St. Louis.

Something gay from Brad Evans: The shifty speed of Jacquizz Rogers could make any fantasy owner jacquizz in his pants.

Player I want to punch in the face: Jason Avant. Who ARE you?


9. Jamie Looks Hot (59 points)

Soon-to-be-father JR has hitched his team to the attractiveness of our league commissioner's wife.

This is the first thing I noticed about his team. The second is that it seems to be unfairly maligned by the pollsters. There's a solid quarterback who could break out, four very talented receivers and some reasonable depth at running back, though lacking a star-quality difference-maker there. It's probably not a top-flight team, but I see no reason it should be ranked this low. What is wrong with you people? Is anyone reading this?

One useless statement from Peter King: Watch Jordy Nelson run a route sometime.

Something gay from Brad Evans: Matt Ryan's new toy Julio Jones will give the dreamy, strong-jawed quarterback yet another muscular target to thrust his balls to rhythmically during the course of the season.

Player I want to punch in the face: Shonn Greene. There are two acceptable ways to spell your name and YOU USE NEITHER OF THEM.


8. Waiting for Goodell (58 points)

Kudos to Baron for probably the strongest team name in the league, even if a Google search reveals that 4,400 other people also thought of this. But still, it's a good team name.

I also feel like Baron is a little unfairly maligned by the pollsters. Maybe I just don't think anyone in the league should have to be last. Then again, I'm a socialist. Arian Foster is the best running back in fantasy football (and he also gifted the world this awesome slam on Colin Cowherd), especially in our PPR league, and that gives Baron a week-in, week-out advantage. Frank Gore is another strong back. But after those two guys, the position drops off the face of the Earth. Actually, now I see why Baron is ranked low. Maybe I should go back and edit the earlier part of this paragraph, rather than just keep writing it in a stream of consciousness.

Nah.

One useless statement from Peter King: Earl Bennett has hands.

Something gay from Brad Evans: Watch Manning go bam-bam-bam to Manningham as Super Mario owners jam their way to a grand-slam title.

Player I want to punch in the face: Jared Allen. Wait, Baron didn't draft Jared Allen?


7. Let My Monkeys Go (56 points)

Andy's team would be much better if one of Ryan Mathews or Mike Tolbert got hurt. As it stands, they'll sort of cancel each other out. Andy's team would also be much better if there was a decent quarterback to throw the ball to A.J. Green, who is awesome. There are some things to like here, with Jamaal Charles being constantly badass, Felix Jones' breakout potential and Vincent Jackson playing a full season. Anquan Boldin is also a nice PPR player. There are some things to dislike, however, such as Viano owning three tight ends and none of them really being all that great.

One useless statement from Peter King: No player does more than Thomas Jones.

Something gay from Brad Evans: Mike Tolbert will barrel down on opposing defenses this year, thwarting the burly man-beasts who seek to restrain his nonstop gladiator pounding action.

Player I want to punch in the face: Greg Olsen, because I'm tired of hearing about how the Bears are going to miss his 500 receiving yards and four fumbles a year.


6. Who is Ron Mexico? (49 points)

[Dave]What the FUCK? I'm sixth? Are you kidding? I've got Romo AND Stafford, who are both going to own bitches all season long. I've got three awesome receivers. I've got Darren McFadden, who's probably like a top-5 running back and Jahvid Best, who is really good in our league. Benjarvus Green-Ellis scores a ton of touchdowns on an elite offense and I also have Ben Tate, who would be awesome if Arian Foster wasn't in front of him. Plus, I have Ndamakong Suh, who is totally sweet.

This is bullshit.
[/Dave]

One useless statement from Peter King: I don't normally give this kind of advice, but my sneaky-good fantasy player this year is Roddy White.

Actual something gay from Brad Evans: Speaking as a McFadden lover-turned-hater-turned-lover again, it's foolish not to believe he won't at least flirt with the RB top-five. In fact, by year's end, it wouldn't be a shock if he finished in the catbird seat.

Player I want to punch in the face: Tony Romo. What a stupid, punchable face.


5. Stranger in the Alps (40 points, 1 first-place vote)

If Peyton Manning ends up dead, none of this matters. Besides, you're all here to read about your own teams anyway, so why bother wasting my breath on my own?

One actual useless statement from Peter King: Keep doubting Tim Hightower.

Something gay from Brad Evans: I can't say there's anyone I would rather watch snare large, oblong brown balls than Larry Fitzgerald.

Player I want to punch in the face: CJ Spiller. Leading the league in lateral yardage since 2010!


4. ChamPeons (30 points, 1 first-place vote)

Having Drew Brees, plus two strong PPR backs like the LeSean McCoy and Matt Forte will go a long way for a fantasy team. However, it's entirely possible that each of his top four receivers -- Marques Colston, Brandon Marshall, Chad Ochocino and Carolina Steve Smith -- all go bust this year, which would cause huge problems for Champ. I realize that any player on any team could go bust, but these four are all riskier bets than most others. There's not much depth behind them, with the only other WR on the roster being Devin Hester. Basically, Champ will go as far as his receivers take him.

One useless statement from Peter King: Do I like Chad Ochocinco in New England? I don't know.

Something gay from Brad Evans: Hey, remember that time Devin Hester got his pants pulled down during a game on live, national television? Uhh, me neither.

Player I want to punch in the face: Drew Brees. I'd aim for the mole.


2. Pantry Cereals (tie) (26 points, 1 first-place vote)

I like this team. In fact, if Drew wants to just swap entire rosters, I'd be down with that. What do you think, Drew?

Because, on the positive side, Drew has an elite quarterback, one elite running back, two other solid running backs and several solid receivers. Nice mix of upside guys, but also a few high-floor guys in case some things go wrong for him.

However, on the down side, he has the whitest team in the history of fantasy football, boasting Tom Brady, Wes Welker, Austin Collie, Jason Witten, Danny Woodhead, Matt Cassel, Chris Cooley and Davone Bess, who I'm classifying as white because of his yards-per-catch average.

One useless statement from Peter King: Did anyone see Danny Woodhead coming last year?

Something gay from Brad Evans: Did anyone see Danny Woodhead coming last year?

Player I want to punch in the face: Duh. Danny Woodhead.


2. Bobby Engram (tie) (26 points, 3 first-place votes)

Ed has lots of star power on his team, loaded with Philip Rivers, Chris Johnson, Maurice Jones-Drew, Andre Johnson, Antonio Gates, etc., etc., etc. There's probably not a team in the league that has a higher ceiling than Ed's team. If all of his elite guys perform like they're supposed to, along with potentially strong players like Beanie Wells, he'll be hard to beat.

However, there is a lot that can go wrong here. Chris Johnson, Jones-Drew and Gates all have big situational issues that could blow up. Ed is protected a little by owning Rashad Jennings, but it's a risky situation. Not that it matters, since I'm sure Ed will again make the playoffs and do well, since that's what has happened for a decade now.

One useless statement from Peter King: I think this Chris Johnson thing will be resolved at some point in the future, one way or another.

Something gay from Brad Evans: Workout wonder Vernon Davis finally put it together last season, as the man who looks so good in the weight room finally translated that to looking good on Sundays in his football pants.

Player I want to punch in the face: I invite all of you to print this picture, glue it to a speed bag, then just go crazy.





















1. Millionaire Slaves (24 points, 4 first-place votes)

Aaron Rodgers is awesome; Adrian Peterson is awesome; Calvin Johnson is awesome. Those three guys alone will take Stem a long way. Michael Turner is a very solid No. 2 running back, or even No. 3, as Peyton Hillis could possibly be considered a better bet. If Brandon Lloyd comes anywhere near repeating last season's numbers (he probably won't), Stem will deserve his lofty ranking here. Also, it may not come into play this year, but Stem was able to get James Starks criminally late.

Obligatory note about Mike Thomas and his Yahoo! mugshot.

One useless statement from Peter King: Aaron Rodgers. So accurate.

Something gay from Brad Evans: This bit ran out of steam a few teams ago, so … sorry, everyone.

Player I want to punch in the face: Brandon Lloyd. You could only manage 26 measly catches with Kyle Orton throwing to you in Chicago? Thanks for really giving it your all in Chicago, asshole.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Season "Preview": Vottomatica



Before the season, if I had told you that two of your keepers would miss significant time through the first month and you will be 6th place, 9 points out of 4th- what would you have said?

I would be very surprised, because I tend to get off to slow starts in this league as it is. I had to keep Zack Greinke even though he was injured, but I had hoped he would be back sooner. The Longoria injury, and to a lesser extent the Holliday appendectomy, was obviously a blow, but my offense has been relatively strong with three guys having .500+ OPS.

With two starters, including Greinke, yet to pitch an inning this year- your pitching has really struggled. How patient can you be with your staff?

I will probably be more patient than I should. I feel like I have a lot of high upside guys. Wandy Rodriguez tends to have strong second halves. Shawn Marcum and Matt Garza should improve over their first months. I will get Greinke and Brian Matusz back soon. The sad thing is that I was actually pretty happy with the pitching I drafted. I felt pitching was really deep this year, but the early returns have been disappointing.
Do you feel you can turn any part of your stellar offense into balancing your team?

I fall in love with players. I always have (see Carson Palmer). That usually prevents me from trading them. This year, for maybe the first time, I have a lot of solid offensive pieces I could turn into some pitching without hurting my core of keepers. I don’t think I have ever had this strong a group of keepers. That really opened up my drafting options, which means I have good players I won’t necessarily be able to keep. That means they are trade bait.


Excepting injury, who has been your biggest disappointment? and your biggest surprise?

My entire pitching staff outside of Gavin Floyd has pissed me off, but my biggest disappointment is Geovany Soto. I hate drafting Cubs. I really do. But I was very high on Soto going into the draft, and he has done nothing to this point. I still think he will turn it around, but his lack of production thus far has made me far less enamored with him.

I know I drafted them high, but Curtis Granderson and Michael Bourn has been the biggest surprises for me. Granderson had a rough first year in New York last year, but I thought he’d be better this year. I wasn’t expecting this much pop early in the season – I was not expecting seven home runs through the first month. As for Bourn, I drafted him mainly for steals and runs, but to have the fifth highest OPS on my team absolutely blows me away. I don’t think either player will keep up their paces, but I have been very happy with what I’ve gotten from them.

If you had to do one thing differently in your draft, armed with the knowledge you have about the season's first month, what would it be?

I’m honestly not sure. I already had one of the best infields in the league with my keepers, so my top priority was shoring up my outfield. I did that with Granderson, Bourn and B.J. Upton. When it came to pitching, I knew I’d be able to get somewhat risky guys with high upsides in the later rounds. I was able to do that, but it hasn’t panned out quite yet. I was happy with my draft, and I think I still am. If I had focused on a couple more pitchers, my offense would be in shambles.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Season Preview: I Hate This Team




Coming into the draft, how do you feel your keepers stacked up to the rest of the league?


I honestly thought my keepers were one of the worst sets, if not the worst set in the league. That's why I went with I Hate This Team. I like Weaver and Lee a lot, and I think Dunn will love the homer-happy Cell. Buster Posey will (hopefully) be good sooner rather than later. I was meh (to use Baron's word) about the rest of them. I struggled to come up with six guys to keep.

What was your primary objective heading into the draft? And to that effect, did you accomplish it?

I guess my primary objective in the draft was to improve my offense from last year. I'm not entirely sure I was able to do that. I have a bunch of new faces, but they still seem to have all the same problems: they don't score runs, they don't drive in runs, they don't get on base, they don't steal bases, and they don't hit home runs. So, no. I didn't meet my objective. I really suck at baseball drafting.

You have a staff loaded with strikeout potential- but several WHIP liabilities. Do you feel that you can balance that or are the two inextricably linked?

I think strikeouts and WHIP are linked to a certain extent. Most of the big strikeout guys throw a lot of pitches, and they tend to walk a lot of guys as well. They are effectively wild. As it is, I was far more concerned about getting strikeouts than thinking about WHIP. Another reason I suck at drafting.

Brian Wilson was your 4th round pick, and your second closer. Knowing what we know now, would you make that pick again?

I'm kind of wondering what you mean specifically by what we know now. That he's a crazy SOB who is as likely to give up 7 runs in one inning as he is to strike out the side? Yeah, I'd do it again. If for no other reason than the beard.

What is your teams biggest deficiency and conversely, its biggest strength?

Biggest strength is pitching, while the biggest weakness is offense. Specifically, strikeouts are my biggest strength, and home runs are my biggest weakness.