The Nihilist Marmot 10-6

JR Radcliffe in all his glory. The fan coming over his head makes him look like he has a little tuft of hair off centered (or a cupcake...yeah, a cupcake, I think it looks more like that), which adds to the overall "wow" effect.

In the three year history of our dear little league, Ed has dominated. But, JR has quietly put together the second most successful run for fantasy football. In 2004, he lost in the inaugural VUFSA Championship Game to Madd Skillz. In 2005, he took third place, losing to Cellar Dwellers in the first round of the playoffs but salvaging a money finish with a victory versus The Blaine Browns. The 2006 season would see Radcliffe make his third straight playoff appearance where he sought out his first football title.

The former I Miss My Pants and The Octagon franchise kept five players, one of whom would be dealt in record time. That man was Marc Bulger who was traded to The Slumpbusters before keepers needed to be named, showing just how eager JR was to have a guy named Tiki on his team. The price was not cheap for Mr. Barber, as Bulger and a first rounder left JR's possession for one of the league's elite running backs. Elsewhere, the Indianapolis wide receiving duo of Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne would survive the season on The Nihilist Marmot's roster, combining for over 180 receptions, 2,600 yards, and 20 TDs. Cadillac Williams was a tremendous disappointment, but THM made something of him in dealing him off for Edgerrin James before sesaon's end. Finally, Tony Gonzalez, a long time favorite tight end of JR's was keeper number five.

I made a horrible, horrible mistake at the end of last season. I willingly traded an injured Brian Westbrook for Fred Taylor and Greg Jones, with a playoff push needed and Westbrook out for the year. I did this because I believed three things, all of which were false: 1) Cadillac Williams would be at least a better running back than Barbie, and would be a tremendous keeper option, 2) That I would need the healthy running backs to make the playoffs (nope) and that they would take me into the championship match once I got there (nope), 3. That keeping a tight end was a good idea. The third one was really the most prolonged moment of insanity that I would ever have. Tony Gonzalez has been really, really solid, far better than many prognosticators expected, but tight end production is worthless compared to the (insert "My precious" Lord of the Rings sound effect) commodity of running backs. I gave up on a stud, and let's face it, if I had Westbrook and Barber (assuming I still made that trade to acquire him), I would be much, much closer to contending for a title.

That said, Reggie Wayne is the second best receiver in football, so he's do-able. Marvin Harrison, even though nobody seems to want him in a trade, has been with me since day one and he's sexually appealing. The move to acquire Barber for Bulger (and then Bulger again, huzzah!) was absolutely mandatory for my success. Cadillac Williams likes men and is thus not do-able.

Round 1: Traded to The Slumpbusters
Round 2: Darrell Jackson
Round 3a: TJ HoushmanIhateJR
Round 3b: Kurt Warner
Round 4: Mike Anderson
Round 5: Antonio Bryant
Round 6: Traded to Fresh Legs
Round 7: Ryan Moats
Round 8: Isaac Bruce
Round 9: Ron Dayne
Round 10: Mewelde Moore
Round 11: Brett Farve
Round 12: Ben Troupe
Round 13: David Akers
Round 14: Terrence McGee
Round 15: Mark Simoneau
Supplemental Round: Jeb Putzier

This really wasn't a very good draft. His number one pick was traded away and those that were kept were used for the likes of Kurt Warner, Mike Anderson, and Ryan Moats. That's before round 8 and the more insignificant picks began. Plus, it's just odd to me that Mewelde Moore would be selected before Brett Farve in any context. At some point in the draft, JR left (something about ponies), leaving yours truly to round out his roster, and I gladly selected Jeb Putzier with the final pick in the 2006 VUFSA draft. Despite two underwhelming keepers in Cadillac Williams and Tony Gonzalez, and a draft that included no meaningful quarterbacks or running backs, JR began the season.

Getting Darrell Jackson in the second round allowed me to acquire one of the most reliable receivers in fantasy football. He may even be a keeper, but updating my receiver portfolio was not really my weak spot.I even got TJ HoushmanihateJR, who was tradeable given my massive receiver corps. The following people made me prefer death to using them in fantasy football: Kurt Warner, Mike Anderson, Ryan Moats, Ron Dayne, Mewelde Moore, Ben Troupe. My god, I drafted the 1976 Buccaneers.

Right away, THM avenged their postseason loss from a year ago. Stem's Cellar Dwellers came a callin' and JR sent them off a poutin'. A quick 113.25-85.75 win put THM in the win column. Due to Yahoo Sports' desire to quickly destroy links, I no longer can tell you who scored what in the game, but I seem to remember Kurt Warner had his one good game all year real early on, so let's just say he had it here.

Likewise, I can no longer look up when certain trades happened (or really who they were even for), but somewhere in the early season JR addressed his seriously lacking backfield by sending TJ HoushmanIhateJR and a draft pick to Tomke for DeShaun Foster. TJ had a pretty good year, and Foster had a so-so year, but considering the need for both teams, it worked out fairly well.

My acquisiton of DeShaun Foster was mostly a loser for me, given that Housh has had a strong season and Foster has not, but running backs are obviously more valuable than WRs.

I disagree. I think it worked out better than you say it did and I'm writing the recap, ass.

Another early season move saw Radmonium bring the long forgotten Travis Henry aboard. When the Tennessee Titans started this season, they named Chris Brown their starter. They also went out and drafted Lendale White in the first round (not bothering to verify that) of the NFL draft. Henry was a pot smoking after thought. But for some reason, most likely because Jeff Fischer likes weed, Henry shifted from practice squad to first stringer in record time. Henry would prove to be one of the best waiver wire selections of the year, going for 1,200 yards and 7 TDs.

It's difficult to thrive in an environment where there are people whose lives are actually less tangible than your own. It's amazing, really. Consequently, when I get lucky with a couple pickups, I count my blessings. Picking up Travis Henry has obviously given me depth at a position at which I otherwise sucked for most of the season, and preying on Willis McGahee's bad luck by snatching up the immovable A-Train brought me a few moments of glee. We're going to find out of DJ Hackett was worth a pickup in the absence of Darrell Jackson's homosexual turf toe.

The revamped backfield, though, would not help The Nihilist Marmot through this stretch of the schedule, which saw THM drop three of four. At 2-3, it was crunch time as Radcliffe had to make a move to participate in the post season. A special plate of brownies later, THM was ready to move.

It helped greatly that Tomke was JR's week 6 opponent. Nothing fires up JR like a matchup against Tomke. For the first time in three weeks JR leaped over 100 points scoring a then season high 120.00 points.

Defeating Who is Ron Mexico? in week six proved my superiority to Tomke, culturally, spiritually, and in terms of manhood. Fuck the fucking fucker.

The next week, THM put up 130.50 versus ChamPeons. The week there following it was 140.00 against The Slumpbusters. The strong scores resulted in three wins and predictions that JR would score 150 the next week and 420 by season's end. Neither happened, but he did keep winning. Wins against Baron and Stem put The Nihilist Marmot at 7-3 and in prime position to leap into the playoffs.

Weeks 11, 12, and 13 were against the three eventual playoff teams. In those games, THM went 1-2, ending their 5 game winning streak. Madd Skillz went ape shit and it doesn't matter much you score in those games 'cause LT just keeps on scoring. The next week, The Partyboat took advantage of a season low 71.25 in handing THM's second consecutive loss (I'd tell you who had a crummy week, but again, Yahoo couldn't even wait until the Super Bowl to make critical info disappear).

Somewhere in here JR acquired Warrick Dunn and Marc Bulger for a first round pick (?) and various insignificant players from The Slumpbusters. While I doubt it happened right before week 13, it makes for a nice storyline as JR sat the team down in the locker room and threatened to show them his chest hair if they didn't turn it around. Warrick Dunn and Company did just that doing 50 points better than their previous effort in an effort to salvage their eyesight. Wins against playoff bound Naj Davenport's Poop and not playoff bound Father Abraham settled THM as the second seed, finishing the regular season at 9-5 and with the second most points in the league.

In round 1, JR went up against the Naj Davenport's Poop. JR lost. I could elaborate, but thanks to Yahoo! that's not a possibility. The important thing here is that JR lost. For the second year in a row, Radcliffe fell to the consolation game. The good news here is that JR won! Yay! Again, no information other than Ed's team was in shambles at this point and JR played well enough to place 3rd.

I dodged significant injury for most of the season, until everyone died at the end. It's a touching tale.

Headed into next season, JR finds himself in an interesting position. He holds the rights to several veteran running backs, one of whom has said he's going to retire. Whether Tiki actually decides to hang it up will go a long way in determining the strength of JR's keepers. Elsewhere, the Colts duo of Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne will certainly return for another year's worth of handling Peyton's balls. Marc Bulger performed well down the stretch and could solidify a position that has been in flux for much of JR's tenure in the VUFSA. Guys like Warrick Dunn and Travis Henry are borderline keepers, but if they are announced as starters come next year, they hold value. And then there's Edgerrin who I won't say anything nice about because I still hold a grudge.

I thought it was pretty bleak entering this season, and it's hard to say how I feel about it now. On the one hand, I took a team that had very little to offer in keepers and made it a playoff team. On the other, I still don't have running backs that light up the night sky and I don't have anyone who will legitimately make a difference with Tiki Barber stepping aside to speak into microphones, make fun of the Giants and fuck bitches. I guess I like my ability to build a team and perform well, but it's hard to be overwhelmed with a tentative keeper five of Bulger, Dunn, James, Harrison and Wayne. Maybe I should keep Darrell Jackson. Or what the hell, Tony Gonzalez? Don't retire Tiki Barber. I will poison Tom Coughlin's coffee for you.