Team Preview: James Patrick IV

20 Words or Less : A franchise built around pitching is set up well for another top-3 finish, with a title easily within reach.

R: Jimmy Rollins had an obscene year, in all aspects, but especially in runs scored. Amassing over 700 at-bats allowed J-Roll to cross the dish 139 times. He should chip in at least 120 again this year. Chipper Jones and Dan Uggla crossed over 100 times last year, while Carlos Lee and Carlos Beltran should both hit the century mark as well. Expect: 950-960, 8-10 points

HR: Dan Uggla is basically the inverse of a traditional second baseman, big on power, low on steals. He should touch 30 homers again, joining as many as 5 other players on this roster over that mark. The only starter who doesn't figure to hit at least 20 is Kenji Johjima. Expect: 260-270, 7-10 points

RBI: Drew touched on the trade during Dave's preview, but this is where I love the trade for JR. By upgrading from Ken Griffey JR to Carlos Lee, Radcliffe added probably 40 RBI to his season total (plus about 20 runs and 10 homers). Lee is constantly among the league leaders in runs driven in, and this year figures to be no exception. Justin Morneau, Derrek Lee, Carlos Beltran and Jeff Francoeur all figure to hover around 100 as well. Expect: 950-960, 8-10 points

SB: We've hit the first deficiency for team Radcliffe, as the two best runners play the same position. It normally wouldn't be a big deal with a util. spot, but you can't put Julio Lugo in the lineup everyday over Derrek Lee. Carlos Beltran will contribute, and so will Carlos Lee, but no one else can be counted on to hit double digits. DLee serves as a wild card, a guy who's stolen bases in his career, but has abandoned that part of his game entirely. Expect: 95-105, 1-3 points

OBA: Another down category, with guys like Francoeur, Uggla, and Johjima hovering around .330. Even Rollins is below the .350 mark, and his average carries more weight than anyone elses. DLee and Chipper Jones bring the overall average up, but that's it. No one else was over .360 last year. Expect: .345-.355, 2-4 points

W: Jake Peavy will be as good as ever, and Erik Bedard is in for a bump this year, out of Baltimore. However, John Maine, Oliver Perez and Tim Hudson could be in for a dip from their totals of 15 last season. Mark Buehrle and Barry Zito should have huge seasons in 2002, so that's something. Expect: 90-100, 7-10 points

SV: Dealing Brandon Lyon leaves the saves category in flux, even though Lyon has pitched like dogshit and might not hold the closer job in AZ very long. Jon Papelbon is a phenomenal 4 category stud, and anchors the bullpen. Todd Jones, for all of his productivity in the save column, is a disaster waiting to happen. He's 40, with a skyrocketing ERA and WHIP. A lack of other options in the Tiger bullpen could make him serviceable, but there's quesiton marks all over this category. Expect: 75-85, 2-4 points

K: Contrary to what you may think, JR may have actually improved his strikeout potential despite dealing Aaron Harang. Reason being he also dealt off Chien Ming-Wang, death in that column. Maine and Buehrle could combine for more than Wang and Harang. Nonetheless, Peavy and Bedard are enough to make Radcliffe the favorite in this category. Expect: 1340-1350, 8-10 points

ERA: Wildcards here include Oliver Perez and John Maine. The Mets hurlers were both excellent last year, but Perez in particular has issues with his control (which cropped up in a mediocre second half) which could lead to an inflated ERA. (It was over 5.85 the three preceding seasons). Tim Hudson throws to a lot of contact, and if his HR/F becomes league average, he'll be in a lot of trouble. Bedard, Peavy= awesome. Buehrle, Maine= good. Barry Zito= awful. Expect: 3.60-3.75, 7-9 points

WHIP: Again, Barry Zito is bad, with WHIP creeping towards 1.40. But, he plays for the powerhouse Giants, so he'll at least get a portion of their 55 wins. Perez is a candidate to raise the overall WHIP. Outside of Oliver, however, there are an awful lot of guys with very low walk rates. Hudson, Buehrle, and even Zito have remarkable control. If Joe Borowski could grow facial hair, he would be called Todd Jones. Expect: 1.25-1.28, 5-8 points

Most Important Player: Jeff Francouer. "Frenchy" is getting the reacharound from the media about the shape reported in and the way he's hitting the ball this spring. If his homers rebound, and he can get the strike zone under control, he'll be a monster. A potential steal in round 6.

Biggest Question: Did you see that Sports Illustrated picked the Reds to finish ahead of the Brewers this year?
Biggest Answer: I did, and that shit is hilarious on like seven thousand levels.

Haiku Summary: Always great pitching. Offense loaded with power. Pants are optional.

Drew Wolf: Extreme biker

This is the first result that appears when one does a Google Image search for "Drew Wolf."

Naturally, the only conclusion I can draw is that Drew has taken up the hobby of flying through the air on some sort of bicycle. He also has located some very hilly areas in Minnesota. Also, sun.

Drew's X-Game prowess is reflected in his team, the MBAs, who are a bunch of sniveling little snots who are promoted because they have a degree, not because they have any real-world experience. God, did you know Ryan has never even made a sale?


Anyway. Team preview.

The good: Oh holy Jesus, Victor Martinez. Position scarcity is often misunderstood, and especially at the catcher's position. And having a guy put up these kinds of numbers from the C-spot (not to be confused with G-spot), is a great start to an offense.

Everyone forgets that Adrian Gonzalez is only 25 years old. Unfortunately, he plays in the biggest sporting arena in the world, so his power is limited. In fact, Gonzalez's OPS away from Petco was 160 points higher last year.

Hanley Ramirez and Grady Sizemore are really, really, really, really good, but you knew that.

Pitching-wise, Brandon Webb and C.C. Sabathia form a great 1-2 tandem and should be able to contribute strongly in four categories. Wins are hard to predict for pitchers, but these two are as close as as 15-win lock as any other pitcher in baseball. Also, Chris Carpenter is a commodity to be stashed away until midseason.

The bad: There are some holes. Namely, the relievers on this team. While saves only make up one category, it can still mean a pretty big swing in points. Drew doesn't own a dominant reliever, and none of his closers have great job security. In addition to a possible dearth of saves, strong relievers can help keep ERA and WHIP down. This group probably won't be able to do that.

Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain will have great peripherals this year, and combine to win four games.

I don't like Aaron Rowand at all this year. Partly because he's due to decline, and partly because he's a part of the worst offense in baseball.

The gay: Probably Ian Kennedy.

The bottom line: I don't really know. I have no strong feelings either way with Drew's team. There's some good things. There's some bad things. There's a gay thing, probably. All of this means that The MBAs, as presently comprised, do not give me that strong Joe Morgan Gut Feeling. Though I think they could improve on their consistency. Also, Davey Concepcion should be in the Hall of Fame. Big Red Machine!

Every category seems to be accounted for here (maybe a little saves blip, as I said), and Drew seems to have built a solid foundation for his team. I think it may lack the upside of some other teams in the league, but I feel safe saying that the Wolfman will be in competition for a money finish.

One big plus for Drew is that he owns a computer, which means that he can make trades and waiver additions, generally in the goal of improving his team. This gives him an advantage over cancer-causing, puppy-kicking owners like Andrew Hansen.

That was unnecessary.

But Blogger is currently in the midst of a scheduled "Delete Key Outage" and I'm stuck with it forever.

Go Drew!

Team Preview: Dave Tomke

Did you know that a Google image search of Dave Tomke yields a photo of Ed and Jamie in just the fifth spot? Scary.

Dave Tomke, the late arriving, energetic wang mongrel staged a late entry into this year’s draft in much the same way he made a late surge up the 2007 VUFSA baseball standings. Thanks to a couple Jimmy Rollins swiped bases on the last day of the season (not that I am bitter or anything), Tomke saw his first money finish in the VUFSA, which he promptly forfeited by not paying dues. Nonetheless, 2008 looks to be the first year in which he manages to win and pocket the proceeds.

The Outfield

The outfield looks strong for Dave as he places Carl Crawford, Alfonso Soriano, Carlos Lee, and Curtis Granderson. All of whom stole double digit bases and scored 90+ runs. Soriano and Lee boast happy homer totals of 30 plus each. Curtis Granderson had a monster year at the top of an impressive Tigers line-up that grew more impressive with the acquisition of Miguel Cabrera. The recent pick-up of Rick Ankiel should help out while Curtis heals up.

(I wrote this recap of his outfield prior to the trade that sent Lee to JR's team. I liked this move for Tomke and write more so on it later.)

Outfield Grade: 3.5 wolf howls out of 4.

The Infield

Speaking of Miguel, he joins Tomke’s 2008 crusade securing a dominant force at the hot corner after posting career highs in homers and RBIs last season. At the other corner, the late blooming Carlos Pena will try to match ridiculous numbers from last season. Pena swatted 46 home runs, equaling his homer total from the three previous years combined.

The middle of the infield isn’t quite as attractive as the corners, but Edgar Renteria and Howie Kendrick are serviceable enough. With three Tigers in the starting line-up, as Detroit goes, so Tomke goes. Brian McCann was the top rated available catcher in the draft and boosts the overall infield prospects.

Infield Grade: 2.5 wolf howls out of 4.

Starting Rotation

The starting rotation lacks a dominant option. John Maine and Ted Lilly both won 15 games, but aren’t the type of pitchers to build an overpowering rotation around. Phil Hughes and Matt Garza are a couple of young pups who need good years to fill out Tomke’s rotation. And what the hell happened to dear Bondo last year? +5 ERA?

(See, this is what I meant when I said his starting pitching needed help. That trade that brought Aaron Harang and Chien Ming Wang was a must do and did a nice job of addressing a serious weakness with a strength. And scratch all that stuff about Garza who Tomke has already dropped.)

Starting Rotation Grade: 2.5 wolf howls out of 4.

Relief Pitching

Dave’s options at the relief spot go from great to awful to Asian. K-Rod is a top notch closer and with Anaheim in contention in the AL West, should have plenty of save opportunities until that goofy ass wind up blows out his arm in an injury that should have happened 3 years ago. Following Rodriguez is the considerably less impressive Joe Borowski. Joe sucks. I hate him very much. If he did not close for my beloved Cleveland Indians, I would wish harm on him. Them there is Hideki Okajima who will help out in the ERA and WHIP fields.

Relief Pitchers Grade: Joe Blows makes this a negative 1 wolf howl out of 4.

The big blockbuster that kicked off Tomke's year was a strong move that addressed concerns without sacrificing too much for Bondo and The Asians. Aaron Harang is a strikeout master and will help that starting rotation while allowing Rick Ankiel a starting spot, a move I like more than I probably should. Okajima leads the league in wins and currently is projected to have 81 by season's end. The two guys I'm most curious about on this ball club are Robinson Cano and Mark Prior. The former has had solid if unspectacular years and the latter I just want to know if there's any value there whatsoever. In the end, I see Jimmy Rollins not stealing bases on the last day of the season, and my team eeking out a 0.5 placing ahead of Tomke's squad.

Team Preview: Da Gun

Whether it was in jest, mocking Ed or being deadly serious, we will probably never know, but during the draft Eli claimed that he hated his team. I certainly can't blame him, I hate his team too. I would much prefer if we just contracted his team and had dispersion draft of his players. Since that won't happen, I guess I'll take a closer look at his team.

The Overview: There are very few holes on the Gun's roster (although some would argue his outfield isn't as strong as the rest of his squad), but he is taking a gamble on pitchers who have had injury problems in recent years. If it pays off, the rest of us could be in deep trouble.

The Good: Ryan Howard, Ryan Braun, David Ortiz and Jose Reyes are all in the top-3 in their positions (and that moves to top-2 if we count Papi as simply a utility dude). Howard, Braun and Ortiz could combine for 120-plus home runs, and Reyes might steal 80 bases.

I don't know what value Nick Swisher and Josh Hamilton will have beyond home runs, but both play in launching-pad parks and should combine for at least 50 dongs (Tomke, insert a wang joke here). Pat Burrell will hit a ton of solo home runs (and strikeout a lot), and his OBP will hover near .400.

B.J. Upton and Rickie Weeks could be poised for breakout years, and once Evan Longoria comes up from Durham, he won't ever go back.

Roy Halladay and John Smoltz are still some of the best in the game, and Cole Hamels is rapidly becoming one of the best in the NL. Francisco Liriano was virtually un-hittable in 2006, and Chris Young went to Princeton (so the Gun should lead the league in GPA as well). Pedro should benefit from pitching behind Johan.

Bobby Jenks (who seemingly has never met a buffet he didn't like) is as automatic a closer as there is in the game today.

The Bad: While all the Gun's outfielders are solid, he doesn't have that one stud outfielder (although he certainly makes up for it with studs at other positions).

J.R. Towles is an unknown commodity, he could be Victor Martinez (happy, Wolfman?) or he could be Brad Ausmus. Could Ryan Braun suffer a sophomore slump? Will Josh Hamilton be a one-year wonder, and will Upton and Weeks reach their potential? Depth might be an issue if the injury bug hits, as Papi takes up the Utility spot and Evan Longoria is holding a spot on the bench until he gets promoted to the big club.

Injuries and ineffectiveness could plague the Gun. Pedro, Liriano, Halladay, Rich Harden, and Smoltz have all had injury problems in recent years, and any of them could be one awkward pitch from visiting Dr. James Andrews. Takashi Saito is a few bad outings from being replaced by Jonathan Broxton, and you have to wonder how many save opportunities Jenks and Chad Cordero will get pitching on bad teams.

Fun Fact About Kansas City: In 2007, the Gun's new hometown was named the third best city for relocating families.

The Bottom Line: The offense is awesome, and the pitching staff looks impressive on paper. The injury history has to be a little bit of a concern for Eli, but if they all stay healthy, his rotation will be as good as any in the league. The Gun will improve on last season, and should finish in the top-3. I'll venture a 2nd place finish, but if he wins the title, I won't be the least bit surprised.

Team Preview: Baron

As he enters his third campaign at the helm, Baron Brendel (VUFSA's resident BFG) appears as though he has put together a squad that could make a run at the championship if the fantasy gods promise not to hate him this year.

The Overview: The misnamed Harangutans (this would be witty if Aaron Harang weren't on JR's team) look very strong in the offensive categories, but the pitching staff has many questions surrounding it.

The Good: Baron loves the Colorado outfield.  Matt Holliday will undoubtedly have another fantastic season, and he is the #1 rated outfielder on nearly every draft list.  With a little luck from the thin air, he could hit 40 home runs and drive in 120-plus.  Brad Hawpe is severely underrated, and he could be a 30-HR, 100-RBI guy.  Bobby Abreu should rebound after (what was for him) a sub-par year.

Placido Polanco will score a million runs at the top of Detroit's offense, and Russell Martin is the top catcher.  Chone Figgins is fast, will steal 50 bases and can play 3 positions.  Derek Jeter will be consistent and will also provide tremendous leadership qualities.

Edwin Encarnacion had a fantastic finish to last year and could finally have the breakout season his owners (namely me) had been waiting for.  Ryan Garko should be good for 25 home runs, and Joey Votto has the potential to become a superstar (whether it happens this year remains to be seen).

John Lackey and Roy Oswalt should combine for 30 wins, and with Brad Lidge now in Philly, if the Houston bullpen doesn't implode, they could combine for 35.

Billy Wagner should post 90 strikeouts and will have plenty of save opportunities with Pedro and Johan at the front of the rotation.  Rafael Bettancourt (the human rain-delay) is one Joe Borowski implosion from being the closer.  He is already one of the premiere set-up men in the game.

The Bad: There are a lot of unknowns on Baron's roster.  He knows what he will get from Holliday, Hawpe, Figgins, Abreu, Martin, Polanco and Jeter.  Beyond that, there are a lot of questions that are still unanswered.  Will Votto become the everyday first baseman?  Will Encarnacion build on his potential?  Who will steal bases besides Figgins.  Where will the home runs (after Holliday, Hawpe and Garko) come from?

On the bump, what will the staff be like beyond the top two?  Can Shields and Snell continue to improve?  Will Joe Blanton become Oakland's ace?  Will Matt Capps get any chances to save games?  How well will Yovani Gallardo's knee heal?  Will Dusty cause Baron to hurtle himself off a bridge (my guess is abso-freakin-lutely).

The Bottom Line: Some offensive categories will be great for Baron (runs, OBP).  If the young'ns (Garko, Votto, Encarnacion) have fantastic seasons, Baron's offense should be near the top of the league.  If they struggle, he might as well.

The pitching staff is headed by two veterans, and is back-ended by a group who could each win 15 games or lose 15 games.  Oswalt and Lackey will be solid, and Shields should provide a strong third, but it is anyone's guess about how the rest will fare.

Baron should improve on last season's 6th-place finish, but all the questions surrounding his team might be too much for him to move into the top three.

Dr. Jerry and Champ

Scoop Jackson overview: Doc Jerry blends young and old like Hugh Hefner and his delectable white-girl Playmates. Only time will tell if the recipe is one made for success. Good. Winning. S-U-C-C-E-S-S

The good: As Scoop said, Champ has a great blend of established players on his team, as well as some young guys that have the upside to push his team to the next level. Guys like Hunter Pence, Ian Kinsler, Troy Tulowitzki and Geovany Soto all have All-Star potential and could offer Champ some great offense at a few premium positions. Matt Kemp, if he gets enough playing time, could be a monster.

Prince Fielder, even after his mammoth 2007, still has room to improve at only age 23. Fielder's new vegetarian diet also means he won't eat himself out of the league by age 25. Or it might mean that he collapses from a lack of protein and never plays baseball again.

These young guys are surrounded by a few established vets, which may help stabilize any growing pains. Magglio Ordonez is unlikely to repeat 2007, but still has a home in the middle of one of baseball's best lineups. Same for Gary Sheffield. Manny Ramirez, even in a down year, still offered decent production.

Champ also owns four closers, all of whom had ERAs of 3.00 or less last year.

Damn, Champ.

The bad: The starting pitching is the main sore spot for this team. Josh Beckett and Fausto Carmona are great. Beyond that? There's not as much to get excited about. Andy Pettitte and Jon Garland don't offer much upside, and Bronson Arroyo had a disappointing 2007. Counting on Zack Greinke for anything is a poor decision, and Dave Bush kinda sucks.

The strong relievers will help keep ERA and WHIP at bay, but wins and strikeouts may be hard to come by for Champ, unless a deal is made.

Random Iowa fact: Iowa is the only state name that starts with two vowels.

The bottom line: Offense will be a plus for Champ -- with seven guys who hit at least 20 homers, and another (Hunter Pence) who should top that mark this year, he should do well in four of five categories.

Pitching, on the other, may be where Champ needs to do some maneuvering. If he gets a little luck in that department, along with a few savvy moves, the offense could do enough for Champ to compete this summer.

Geovany Soto fact: Soto's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.

Team Preview: Stem

20 Words or Less : A team that I like a lot because Stem and I compared notes leading up to the draft.

R: Possibly the worst category for the squad. Adam Dunn is a 100 run guy, and Carlos Guillen should be on the Tigers. Where Aaron Hill hits in the Toronto lineup will effect the standings a lot. Only two guys on the team that crossed 100 last year, and no others over 90. Should have a clump of gents around the 85-95 mark. Expect: 890-900, 3-5 points

HR: I may be alone in this, but I think the selection of Jermaine Dye in the 2nd round pushed this club to the top half of the power standings. Added to Aramis Ramirez and Dunn, you have an easy 100 homers in the bank. The real key here is Vernon Wells, who hit 60 homers the two years leading up to 2007. A rebound from the CFer gives Stem a shot at an 8. Expect: 245-255, 6-9 points

RBI: Despite the home run potential, I see a weaker finish in RBI, in part because of guys like Hill, Eric Byrnes and Shane Victorino who don't have the kind of opportunities necessary to produce huge numbers. All are good players, but can't help enter elite territory. Expect: 860-870, 4-6 points

SB: Victorino and Byrnes "steal" the spotlight in this category.* Byrnes' chances at 50 stolen bases again are not favorable, but Victorino should build on his 37. The wildcard is Ryan Theriot, who currently sits on the bench and could swipe 30 bases over a full season. If Theriot is permitted to play all for Stem all year, it's a really good SB club, but that hurts OBA, HR, and RBI. He's not a really good hitter, for all of his scrappiness. Assuming minimal PT for TheRiot; Expect: 125-135, 3-5 points

OBA: Todd Helton lacks the power numbers of an ideal first baseman, and that may ultimately cost this team 4-5 points in the overall standings. However, he improves this club at least 2 points in the On-Base section of the program, because he's almost a lock for .430+. Dye, for a power guy, has a pretty bad eye at the plate, and Vernon Wells lost 50 points from his 2006 OBA last year. His rebound, again is a key here. Expect: 355-360, 4-6 points

W: Jeff Francis and Carlos Zambrano won 35 between them last year, and should combine for another 30 this year. The IP by AJ Burnett (a recurring theme on this list) will factor in as well, seeing as he'll have a nice chance to win 15 games with his skills and 200 innings. If he's around 160 again, he'll be around the 10-11 category. I think Derek Lowe upticks from 12 and Scott Kazmir does the same from 13. Expect: 95-105, 7-9 points

SV: Should be able to pile up decent numbers with guys on teams who will have to win by a three runs or less because there's some pretty shitty ballclubs in Stem's bullpen. You also have to wonder how Francisco Cordero makes it out of this season alive after spending his summer with Dusty Baker. Expect: 100-110, 5-7 points

K: First-Round pick Kazmir teams with Carlos Zambrano as guys with great strikeout histories. Javier Vazquez, with almost a K per inning last year, is a great add to this staff, and his most valuable contribution will be in strikeouts. Burnett has a sick K/9, but again, his innings limit his counts. Cordero will also chip in a very healthy amount in the 143 appearances he's slated to make this year. Expect: 1295-1315, 7-9 points

ERA: Jeff Francis will always struggle to keep his ERA under 4 in Colorado, but he's become so reliable elsewhere that he's still a valuable member of the staff. Kazmir and Burnett have the best skills to keep their ERA down, but both play in the AL East. Any innings taken by Kevin Millwood will surely up the cumulative ERA of Stem, so he had better win games, because he can't strike people out. Expect: 3.80-3.85, 4-6 points

WHIP: Since 2005, Zambrano has increased his win total from 14 to 16 to 18 last season. He has also increased his WHIP from a stellar 1.15 in '05 to a less than stellar 1.33 last season. The man walks so many guys he's almost deficient in this category. Scott Kazmir is the same way. Javy Vazquez projects to be the team leader in the category, which remains solid despite Big Z's inablity to consistently throw strikes. Expect: 1.25-1.35, 4-7 points

*I'm a douchebag

Most Important Player: Jermaine Dye. I said earlier that his presence elevates this team to a different level when it comes to power numbers, but if he has a first half like he did last year, the offensive hole will to too great to climb out of.

Biggest Question: Seriously, Vernon Wells, what the fuck?
Biggest Answer: Last season, at the end of the season, Wells had surgery to remove a cyst in his shoulder, and to repair a torn labrum in that same shoulder. As long as the surgery worked and he has no residual effects, Wells should be a 25 homer guy again.

Haiku Summary: Lacks big keeper stud. Pitcher's elbows are fragile. Solid bench players.

Team Preview: Andy Viano

Viano’s squad may not be dead yet, but they were pretty close to dead in 2007. A disappointing campaign from a year ago saw Andy fall to ninth place with incredibly feeble numbers on offense (1’s in both HRs and RBIs). Can this year be the bounce back? Are the groceries in the right cupboard?

The Outfield
The big question mark in the outfield is Jason Bay. Just a couple seasons ago, he was the quiet, yet dominant player racking up fantasy points in every category. Now, he was dropped from keeper-dom after hitting a meek .247, going for 14 fewer home runs, 25 fewer RBIs, 43 (!) fewer walks. Which Jason Bay will show up this season?

Alex Rios has strong numbers in several categories (100+ runs, 20+ homers, 80+ RBIs, and 15+ steals). Chris Young provides the power (32 HRs) but could stand to improve the .OBP which is under .300. Jacob Ellsbury has yet to play a full season and his abilities over an extended 162 game period are unknown.

Outifeld Grade: 2 wolf howls out of 4.

The Infield

I’m not sure what to make of the infield. Joe Mauer may be the top catcher in baseball when healthy, but he has been injury prone. Travis Hafner was a phenomenal offensive force who spiraled way down last year with 18 fewer homers and nearly .40 points off his 2006 batting average. Miguel Tejada probably took steroids and was traded to Houston after tailing off those MVP numbers in Baltimore. Kevin Youkilis gets on base a lot, but is generally unspectacular. And Chase Utley is stupidly better than everyone else in this line-up.

Infield Grade: A generously optimistic 3 wolf howls out of 4, a pessimistic 1.5 wolf howls.

Starting Rotation

All five starters for Viano had 2007 ERAs under 4.00. He could use Felix Hernandez becoming that dominant force that has been teased in certain outings. He could also use Ben Sheets throwing 200 innings. He could use Rich Hill to take the next step and go for a sub 3.50 ERA and 15 wins. He could use Tom Gorzelanny to strike out a few batters. But despite this nitpicking, it’s a fairly decent rotation.

Starting pitching: 3 wolf howls out of 4.

Relief Pitching

Mariano Rivera has been around forever with the general stat line. This model of consistency is a needed stabilizing force with Carlos Marmol not technically the closer for the Cubs and B.J. Ryan still having that pesky phrase “elbow soreness” in his flaming papers.

Relief pitching: 1.5 wolf howls out of 4.

I’m not crazy about this team, but if a few players take the turn back up that they took down in 2007, Viano could climb out of the bottom half of the league. Hafner is a biggie, as is Tejeda and Sheets. Those three in particular have to turn back the clock a couple of years for Not Dead Yet to reach contender status.

Team Preview: Slick

We'll be putting one of these out every day until opening day, with various scribes doing the writing. Expect different styles each time, except with mine, because I can't form cohesive paragraphs and insist on writing everything in some sort of bulleted format.


20 Words or Less : A team with a formidable offense but subpar pitching that needs to fight dormancy to avoid being a doormat.

R: Despite being heavy on middle-order guys, this projects to be a strong category for Hansen, with excellent on-base guys coupled with a few table-setters. 80% of the expected starters scored at least 87 runs last year. Expect: 900-915 runs, 3-6 points*

HR: Six guys produced 26+ last season, and none of them fluky. Torii Hunter will see a regression, but should settle in around the 25 HR mark. Lance Berkman and Jim Thome are two of the most stable power skill sets in fantasy, and should combine for 70 homers. Albert Pujols , if healthy, figures to eclipse 40 again, but backup Carlos Delgado provides power insurance. Expect: 230-240, 3-6 points

RBI: Pujols, Vlad, Berkman and...Lowell? It's not wise to expect another 120 from Mike, but 90 is certainly within range should Adrian Beltre start slow for the 8th year in a row. Will have a big edge at the catcher spot, where Jorge Posada is second only to Victor Martinez in run production from that position. Michael Young is also an elite producer of RBI from the SS position. Expect: 900-910, 4-7 points

SB: Figures to be the strongest category for Hansen, predicated almost entirely on the status and playing time of Juan Pierre. Eli's least favorite baseball player of all-time stole 64 bases last year, and if he's allowed to compile 600 at-bats again, he'll break 60. Brian Roberts will cross 40, making a likely 100 between two guys for Slick. Torii Hunter should chip in near 20, while Beltre and Young are double-digit guys. Expect: 140-150, 8-10 points.

OBA: Another very good column for this club; three hitters should be over .400. Posada, Vlad around .380 and Roberts and Young around .360 offset the low averages of Hunter, Pierre and Beltre. Expect: .363-.368, 5-7 points

W: Middle of the pack, nothing guaranteed. Dontrelle Willis, should he merely not suck worse than last year, will have a chance to win a lot in Detroit, because he piles up innings and stays in games. Clay Bucholz is a guy who's going to get a shot in Boston because of their hurty pitching staff, another fertile ground for wins. Kelvim Escobar won't win another 18, but he's still got a great chance to lead this staff; health permitting. Expect: 85-90, 1-4 points

SV: Rumors are that Joba Chamberlain becomes a starter later this season, meaning there are only two closers on this roster. They're both very good, but it's simply not enough. Can't rule out a savvy wire pick the minute news breaks on any closer situation though, that's for sure. Expect: 65-70, 1-3 points

K: Brett Myers and Chamberlain have the best K/9 on the roster, though they could both conceivable spend time in the bullpen this year, which would spell death for this counting category. No strikeout ace to be found. Expect: 1090-1130, 1-3 points

ERA: Six of the eight starters on the roster reside in the American League. I don't know if there's an actual measurement for that kind of thing, but doesn't being in that league at at least a half a point to your ERA? (Not yours mind you. I doubt any major leaguers are reading this) Gil Meche and Jeremy Guthrie were very good here last year, but expect a regression. A healthy Myers should come in below 4.00, and Joe Nathan is liable to stay under 2.00. Expect: 4.00-4.05, 2-3 points

WHIP: The only starting pitcher kept is an albatross in a major pitching category. I did read in Sports Illustrated that the improvement of his teams defense (read: no more Hanley behind him) this year will improve this category, and I believe it. I don't believe it will improve it to under 1.45, but it will improve. Expect: 1.35-1.37, 1-3 points.

*Don't bother adding up the points because I just looked at last year's standings and put in where my projection would fit in. It has no relevancy to the strength/weakness of other current VUFSA offerings. It's just a fucking guess.

Most Important Player: Torii Hunter. The new Angel has a monster contract and a fragile skill set, with an erratic track record. Still, he's a great four category player when on, and assuming he plays as well after getting paid as before.

Biggest Question: Will Albert Pujols' elbow hold up all year?
Biggest Answer: It'd almost be better if it didn't, and he got surgery early to come back fresh in '09 when Slick has a better chance of competing.

Haiku Summary: Work to do on Arms. Bats much greater than team name. Check at least weekly.

Best Guess Baseball Keepers

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.