A bonus Top Ten to tide us over until the preview/excitement of week 13, highlighting the ten likeliest realities when it comes to the VUFSA postseason. I command you to enjoy.
1. Playoff teams: Ed, Stem, Eli, Drew. Ed defeats JR in week 13 (clinching the top seed) and Eli defeats Drew. Steam defeats Champ to wrap up the two-seed. Eli defeats JR in week 14 to take the three-seed and Drew defeats Baron to clinch the four.
2. Ed, Stem, Drew, Eli. Ed defeats JR in week 13 (clinching the top seed) and Drew defeats Eli, simultaneously overcoming the differential in points currently offering an advantage to Eli. Drew defeats Baron in week 14 and Eli beats JR but fails to overcome point advantage held by Drew.
3. Ed, Stem, Eli, JR. Ed defeats JR in week 13 (clinching the top seed) and Eli defeats Drew. JR defeats Eli in week 14 OR Drew loses to Baron. If Eli loses in week 14, he maintains point advantage over JR.
4. Ed, Stem, Drew, JR. Ed defeats JR in week 13 (clinching the top seed) and Drew defeats Eli, leaving Eli, Drew and JR with identical records. Winner takes all in week 14 between JR and Eli, and JR wins. Drew defeats Baron to also get a spot, holding points advantage over JR.
5. Ed, Eli, Stem, Drew. Ed defeats JR in week 13 (clinching top seed) and Eli defeats Drew. Eli defeats JR in week 14 and Drew defeats Baron, and Drew maintains point advantage over JR. Stem loses to both Champ in week 13 and Lincoln in week 14, plus loses point differential, which already favors Eli currently.
6. Ed, Eli, Stem, JR. All of the above, with Baron beating Drew in week 14.
7. Ed, Stem, Eli, JR (alternate). JR defeats Ed in week 13 and Eli defeats Drew. Eli defeats JR in week 14, but the four playoff teams are decided by week 14. In another alternate universe, Eli and JR switch based on the outcome of the week 14 matchup.
8. Ed, Stem, Drew, JR (alternate). JR defeats Ed in week 13 and Drew defeats Eli. JR defeats Eli in week 14 and Drew defeats Baron. Ed clinches top spot with win over Champ in week 14 OR simple points-total domination. Stem wins one of his final two games to earn second seed.
9. Ed, Stem, Eli, Champ. Ed defeats JR (clinching top seed) and Eli defeats Drew to clinch spot. Champ defeats Stem in week 13 and loses to Ed in Week 14. Eli defeats JR in week 14 and Baron defeats Drew. Stem defeats Lincoln in week 14 to wrap up No. 2.
10. Ed, Stem, Eli, Champ (alternate). Ed defeats JR (clinching top seed) and Eli defeats Drew to clinch spot. Champ defeats Stem in week 13 and springs major upset over Ed in week 14. Eli defeats JR in week 14. Stem defeats Lincoln in week 14 to wrap up No. 2.
I have no idea if any of this is right.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Friday, December 02, 2005
Scoring Surprises
As much as it pains me to move a well written, deeply researched post such as "boobs" down a notch on the blog, I do so with a bone to pick. Whatever that means.
While none of us, particularly Eli and his voodoo dolls, will ever forget the scoring issues surrounding Bertrand Berry, I am curious if there are other incidents of scoring boo-boos. The NBA league has been but a sideshow for yours truly due in large part to the exciting conclusion of the NFL season. But, I happened to navigate through Morris' technical difficulties to see that I was losing to Sprit of the Noc 6-2. I saw that I had only one block all stinking week and instantly began cursing at Yao Ming because a man that tall should be blocking shots with his knees. Looking further, I saw that he had not registered a statistic all week. Much more serious, Kevin Garnett had not either. Wondering why 2/3 of the VUFSA first protested trade were now dead, I clicked on the non-flaming piece of paper. It said nothing about injury, and Ming didn't even have a paper. I dug back in time and found that both Ming and Garnett had played one game so far this "game week" and both had posted statistics. Ming had 25 points and Garnett had 29. Yet, Morris has decided to not include these numbers -- or any of their other stats -- in the weekly tally. Now, I'm not distressed because I know Morris is a hard worker and will get back to us in due time, but I'm just wondering if anyone else has had these difficulties. Maybe it's just me and the basketball gods punishing me for my "NBA still sucks" motto of a year ago, but even if Ming is off filming commercials in nowhere Texas and with Yogi Berra, he should still have blocked a damn shot on my weekly list.
Wow, Dee Brown is awful. Sure does make me glad I didn't watch any of that failed NBA Dream Job show to see who he actually beat. Ugh.
While none of us, particularly Eli and his voodoo dolls, will ever forget the scoring issues surrounding Bertrand Berry, I am curious if there are other incidents of scoring boo-boos. The NBA league has been but a sideshow for yours truly due in large part to the exciting conclusion of the NFL season. But, I happened to navigate through Morris' technical difficulties to see that I was losing to Sprit of the Noc 6-2. I saw that I had only one block all stinking week and instantly began cursing at Yao Ming because a man that tall should be blocking shots with his knees. Looking further, I saw that he had not registered a statistic all week. Much more serious, Kevin Garnett had not either. Wondering why 2/3 of the VUFSA first protested trade were now dead, I clicked on the non-flaming piece of paper. It said nothing about injury, and Ming didn't even have a paper. I dug back in time and found that both Ming and Garnett had played one game so far this "game week" and both had posted statistics. Ming had 25 points and Garnett had 29. Yet, Morris has decided to not include these numbers -- or any of their other stats -- in the weekly tally. Now, I'm not distressed because I know Morris is a hard worker and will get back to us in due time, but I'm just wondering if anyone else has had these difficulties. Maybe it's just me and the basketball gods punishing me for my "NBA still sucks" motto of a year ago, but even if Ming is off filming commercials in nowhere Texas and with Yogi Berra, he should still have blocked a damn shot on my weekly list.
Wow, Dee Brown is awful. Sure does make me glad I didn't watch any of that failed NBA Dream Job show to see who he actually beat. Ugh.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
A recap of a league I've never seen before
Well gents, I was going to write a recap this week. A day late, I know, but I was home with the family for Thanksgiving and actually had a life for an all-too-brief few days. So I set up with my tea, candles, fountain pen, blanket, trusty dog and Blogger to write a day-late recapping of what was a huge and important week for the VUFSA.
Except, when I logged into our fantasy football home page, there is some sort of glitch and I was shown things I've never seen before.
For example:
- Players are referred to by their first names only. This week I will be starting Kurt, Deion, Torry, Rod, Willis, Steven, Tiki, Antonio and Clinton. Also, immediately below "Clinton" on my roster is "Kerry," which is absolutely mind-blowing.
- For all those players listed, it apparently doesn't matter who I play. Because everyone on my roster has a bye. In every week of the season.
- The season is now 41 weeks long. We're in the 41st week -- so apparently Ed has already won the title.
- A quick look at the standings reveals Ed DID in fact win the title. That was most likely because his team has 46,927 points. Yes, it actually says that. Though it does SEEM like Ed has scored that many points. Maybe Yahoo! is making some sort of sarcastic statement about Ed's team by crippling their entire fantasy football interface.
- On the trading block, JR is selling Marvin, LJ, Trent and Tony. JR likes men, so I'm surprised.
When I try to backtrack and click on the individual weeks (Week 12), it just gives me system errors.
So here is my recap, from memory.
Week 12:
Madd Skillz (a ton) def. Blaine Browns (respectable)
Summary: John Clayton said last week that Ed was never going to lose again. He may be right, but maybe not. Ed can be beat -- but it's becoming clear that a team is going to have to plan on putting up at least 125 points to have a chance. He's nearly guaranteed to get 50 points per week from Johnson #1 and Tomlinson. Scary. And as for Drew, there's some work ahead of him to make the playoffs. He'll start by whipping Sex Panther in Week 13, because all of Sex Panther's players have byes.
Sex Panther (plentiful enough) def. Big Fat Guys (not much)
Summary: I think Mike Vanderjagt was huge, if I recall correctly. And Kerry Collins wasn't very good. Steven Jackson and Tiki Barber were. For Big Fat Guys, Carson Palmer had a big week. Annnnnd ... yeah.
The Octagon (Thunder) def. Cellar Dwellers (thundered)
Summary: Marvin on Monday nights has become JR's favorite part of the week. It replaces Wednesday night, which used to be "Stalking Rickie Weeks Around Milwaukee Night." He's the hottest team in the league right now, after an alleged white flag trade. Cellar Dwellers clinched a playoff spot with a loss, which is usually a good indication of how well a season has gone. He's going to miss Byron Leftwich's soft schedule down the stretch, but Delhomme is capable. Unless he plays the Bears.
ChamPeons (Surprise!) def. Fred Lane's Wife (oh-so-close)
Game summary: This one looked to be over pretty early, but a second incident of Thunder nearly occurred while Andy was being kept busy by IUSB's basketball juggernaut. Champ just barely held on, and miraculously stayed in the playoff race. FLW needs an unprecedented series of events to take place for him to make the playoffs.
Father Abraham (injuries be damned) def. Who is Ron Mexico? (piddly)
Game summary: Good work, Lincoln. I'm going to the grocery store now.
Except, when I logged into our fantasy football home page, there is some sort of glitch and I was shown things I've never seen before.
For example:
- Players are referred to by their first names only. This week I will be starting Kurt, Deion, Torry, Rod, Willis, Steven, Tiki, Antonio and Clinton. Also, immediately below "Clinton" on my roster is "Kerry," which is absolutely mind-blowing.
- For all those players listed, it apparently doesn't matter who I play. Because everyone on my roster has a bye. In every week of the season.
- The season is now 41 weeks long. We're in the 41st week -- so apparently Ed has already won the title.
- A quick look at the standings reveals Ed DID in fact win the title. That was most likely because his team has 46,927 points. Yes, it actually says that. Though it does SEEM like Ed has scored that many points. Maybe Yahoo! is making some sort of sarcastic statement about Ed's team by crippling their entire fantasy football interface.
- On the trading block, JR is selling Marvin, LJ, Trent and Tony. JR likes men, so I'm surprised.
When I try to backtrack and click on the individual weeks (Week 12), it just gives me system errors.
So here is my recap, from memory.
Week 12:
Madd Skillz (a ton) def. Blaine Browns (respectable)
Summary: John Clayton said last week that Ed was never going to lose again. He may be right, but maybe not. Ed can be beat -- but it's becoming clear that a team is going to have to plan on putting up at least 125 points to have a chance. He's nearly guaranteed to get 50 points per week from Johnson #1 and Tomlinson. Scary. And as for Drew, there's some work ahead of him to make the playoffs. He'll start by whipping Sex Panther in Week 13, because all of Sex Panther's players have byes.
Sex Panther (plentiful enough) def. Big Fat Guys (not much)
Summary: I think Mike Vanderjagt was huge, if I recall correctly. And Kerry Collins wasn't very good. Steven Jackson and Tiki Barber were. For Big Fat Guys, Carson Palmer had a big week. Annnnnd ... yeah.
The Octagon (Thunder) def. Cellar Dwellers (thundered)
Summary: Marvin on Monday nights has become JR's favorite part of the week. It replaces Wednesday night, which used to be "Stalking Rickie Weeks Around Milwaukee Night." He's the hottest team in the league right now, after an alleged white flag trade. Cellar Dwellers clinched a playoff spot with a loss, which is usually a good indication of how well a season has gone. He's going to miss Byron Leftwich's soft schedule down the stretch, but Delhomme is capable. Unless he plays the Bears.
ChamPeons (Surprise!) def. Fred Lane's Wife (oh-so-close)
Game summary: This one looked to be over pretty early, but a second incident of Thunder nearly occurred while Andy was being kept busy by IUSB's basketball juggernaut. Champ just barely held on, and miraculously stayed in the playoff race. FLW needs an unprecedented series of events to take place for him to make the playoffs.
Father Abraham (injuries be damned) def. Who is Ron Mexico? (piddly)
Game summary: Good work, Lincoln. I'm going to the grocery store now.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Playoff Picture
Despite bringing up the word "playoffs" from literally, week 1- now is the time when we really know some things. In order to make some sense of the next two weekends, here's what we look like:
Madd Skillz (10-2): Has clinched a playoff spot, and a loss by CD last week gives them the inside track for the #1 seed. Hurt the chances of BB with a win last week, and could play spoiler again next week, facing a 7-5 OCT squad. Wraps up the year with a week 14 matchup with darkhorse CHM, but it remains to be seen if CHM will be in the picture come that time.
Cellar Dwellars (9-3): Has also clinched a playoff spot, and a win next week locks up a top-2 seed. Can eliminate CHM from the race with a win next week. Team has lost two in a row but looked solid in both games. Week 14 tilt with FA will be meaningless if CD beats CD in week 13.
Sex Panther (7-5): It's a tough final two weeks, but SP will control, 100% his playoff chances the rest of the way. Just one win in the next two weeks guarantees SP a reservation in the playoffs. Can virtually eliminate BB from the race next week with a win, then may help out BB by beating OCT in the week's final season. Of course, they could lose them both and be left out entirely. That could never happen though, right?
The Octagon (7-5): Has the league's top two scoring teams left on the schedule, but has a one game cushion on the #5 team. It's a nice edge to have, but it's also necessary as OCT will not own a tiebreaker edge over either SP or BB. Is in the awkward position of actually rooting for his closest competitor this week, as a win by SP over BB takes an immense amount of pressure off of OCT. If, however, BB rises up and picks up a win, while OCT falls to SKL, then OCT needs not only a week 14 win, but a clutch performance by Baron Brendel's Carson Palmer All-Stars against BB.
Blaine Browns (6-6): On the outside, on the verge of being the screwed one. Still, can be assured of a spot in the dance with wins in both of their final games. It's not a pleasant situation to be in, but BB still has an awful lot of opportunites to get in. BFG is scheduled for the season finale, a very winnable game. It is very possible that OCT loses both of their final games; in that case a mere win over BFG (and maintenance of the tiebreaker lead) puts the Browns in. It's not a desirable way in, but it'll work. The best possible week for BB is a win in 13, and an OCT loss. That scenario would require two things in week 14 to keep them out: OCT beating SP, and BFG beating BB. Both are possible, neither are for certain. If OCT wins this week, and BB cannot beat SP, it's over.
ChamPeons (6-6): After losing to WIRM, and scoring just 70.50 points in a win in consecutive weeks, CHM was left for dead. A solid win this week, and all of a sudden, they're a couple breaks from the playoffs. They certainly have a tough road, facing 19 combined wins in the coming 2 weeks; but it's possible. CHM has no chance of a tiebreaker over anyone, not even the 5-7 team chasing him. It's all about wins and some help. Here's how CHM gets in. They have to win both games; with a single loss, none of this matters. The three seed is too lofty a goal, so let's focus on getting in at 4. CHM is basically rooting for SP from here on out. If SP wins this week, and SKL beats OCT, CHM would lead BB, and move to a tie (in the standings) with OCT. If Champ's new favorite team (SP) wins again in week 14, OCT loses their 7th and CHM's potential 8-6 record puts them in. If, however, SP loses this week to BB, CHM switches gears and roots for BFG to win in week 14, and begins rooting for OCT to knock SP down to 7 losses that same week.
Fred Lane's Wife (5-7): They have to get a tiebreaker. The most wins they can get is 7, and like CHM, they need to win every game to even be in this talk. A single loss mathematically eliminates them. Either SP or OCT will have at least 8 wins, by virtue of their week 14 game. If CHM falls to either CD or SKL, FLW moves in front of them on tiebreaker grounds. If BB loses to SP this week, they're tied record-wise with them. Therefore, BB would need to lose again in week 14 to prevent the tiebreaker kicking in and kicking FLW out. Since a loss by BB is necessary to FLW's hopes- they have to root for SP this week, and then again in 14. If OCT loses to both SKL and SP, they sit at 7 wins, and FLW needs to make up 11 points in those two weeks to own the tiebreaker over them. To recap: FLW needs a single loss by CHM, and two losses from BB, and two losses from OCT- while scoring 11 more points than OCT the final two weeks. It's a longshot, but it's out there.
Father Abraham, Big Fat Guys and Who is Ron Mexico have all been mathematically eliminated. The Fat Guys, however, can still play a major role in the playoff picture by toying with BB in week 14. FA can impact the fight for the #2 seed in week 14, potentially. WIRM can knock FLW out of contention if they are still in in when the two face off in week 14.
Madd Skillz (10-2): Has clinched a playoff spot, and a loss by CD last week gives them the inside track for the #1 seed. Hurt the chances of BB with a win last week, and could play spoiler again next week, facing a 7-5 OCT squad. Wraps up the year with a week 14 matchup with darkhorse CHM, but it remains to be seen if CHM will be in the picture come that time.
Cellar Dwellars (9-3): Has also clinched a playoff spot, and a win next week locks up a top-2 seed. Can eliminate CHM from the race with a win next week. Team has lost two in a row but looked solid in both games. Week 14 tilt with FA will be meaningless if CD beats CD in week 13.
Sex Panther (7-5): It's a tough final two weeks, but SP will control, 100% his playoff chances the rest of the way. Just one win in the next two weeks guarantees SP a reservation in the playoffs. Can virtually eliminate BB from the race next week with a win, then may help out BB by beating OCT in the week's final season. Of course, they could lose them both and be left out entirely. That could never happen though, right?
The Octagon (7-5): Has the league's top two scoring teams left on the schedule, but has a one game cushion on the #5 team. It's a nice edge to have, but it's also necessary as OCT will not own a tiebreaker edge over either SP or BB. Is in the awkward position of actually rooting for his closest competitor this week, as a win by SP over BB takes an immense amount of pressure off of OCT. If, however, BB rises up and picks up a win, while OCT falls to SKL, then OCT needs not only a week 14 win, but a clutch performance by Baron Brendel's Carson Palmer All-Stars against BB.
Blaine Browns (6-6): On the outside, on the verge of being the screwed one. Still, can be assured of a spot in the dance with wins in both of their final games. It's not a pleasant situation to be in, but BB still has an awful lot of opportunites to get in. BFG is scheduled for the season finale, a very winnable game. It is very possible that OCT loses both of their final games; in that case a mere win over BFG (and maintenance of the tiebreaker lead) puts the Browns in. It's not a desirable way in, but it'll work. The best possible week for BB is a win in 13, and an OCT loss. That scenario would require two things in week 14 to keep them out: OCT beating SP, and BFG beating BB. Both are possible, neither are for certain. If OCT wins this week, and BB cannot beat SP, it's over.
ChamPeons (6-6): After losing to WIRM, and scoring just 70.50 points in a win in consecutive weeks, CHM was left for dead. A solid win this week, and all of a sudden, they're a couple breaks from the playoffs. They certainly have a tough road, facing 19 combined wins in the coming 2 weeks; but it's possible. CHM has no chance of a tiebreaker over anyone, not even the 5-7 team chasing him. It's all about wins and some help. Here's how CHM gets in. They have to win both games; with a single loss, none of this matters. The three seed is too lofty a goal, so let's focus on getting in at 4. CHM is basically rooting for SP from here on out. If SP wins this week, and SKL beats OCT, CHM would lead BB, and move to a tie (in the standings) with OCT. If Champ's new favorite team (SP) wins again in week 14, OCT loses their 7th and CHM's potential 8-6 record puts them in. If, however, SP loses this week to BB, CHM switches gears and roots for BFG to win in week 14, and begins rooting for OCT to knock SP down to 7 losses that same week.
Fred Lane's Wife (5-7): They have to get a tiebreaker. The most wins they can get is 7, and like CHM, they need to win every game to even be in this talk. A single loss mathematically eliminates them. Either SP or OCT will have at least 8 wins, by virtue of their week 14 game. If CHM falls to either CD or SKL, FLW moves in front of them on tiebreaker grounds. If BB loses to SP this week, they're tied record-wise with them. Therefore, BB would need to lose again in week 14 to prevent the tiebreaker kicking in and kicking FLW out. Since a loss by BB is necessary to FLW's hopes- they have to root for SP this week, and then again in 14. If OCT loses to both SKL and SP, they sit at 7 wins, and FLW needs to make up 11 points in those two weeks to own the tiebreaker over them. To recap: FLW needs a single loss by CHM, and two losses from BB, and two losses from OCT- while scoring 11 more points than OCT the final two weeks. It's a longshot, but it's out there.
Father Abraham, Big Fat Guys and Who is Ron Mexico have all been mathematically eliminated. The Fat Guys, however, can still play a major role in the playoff picture by toying with BB in week 14. FA can impact the fight for the #2 seed in week 14, potentially. WIRM can knock FLW out of contention if they are still in in when the two face off in week 14.
Power Rankings - 11/29
1. Madd Skillz (10-2) LW: 1st (-)
-High score for the sesaon, ties a league record for wins in a season. Clear #1 right now.
2. Cellar Dwellars (9-3) LW: 2nd (-)
-What has happened to the feel-good story of the season? Not much really. Their opponents have brought some serious heat the last few weeks, and losing a QB mid-game doesn't help this week. Should bounce back relatively easily, but a 2-game losing streak is foreign ground for Stem. Seriously.
3. Sex Panther (7-5) LW: 4th (+1)
-Acquisition of Tiki Barber and recent hot play has made the Betrand Berry game virtually meaningless. In the driver's seat from here out, playing his two closest rivals the next two weeks.
4. The Octagon (7-5) LW: 5th (+1)
-JR is establishing himself as the VUFSA's Oakland A's, whose blistering second halves are legendeary.
5. Blaine Browns (6-6) LW: 3rd (-2)
-#3 score of the week, yet loses by more than 50? That's simply not fair. As of now, the odd-team out in the race, but can change that next week.
6. ChamPeons (6-6) LW: 7th (+1)
-Who the hell saw this coming? CHM one game out of a playoff spot after a thrilling win last week, but a daunting schedule.
7. Fred Lane's Wife (5-7) LW: 6th (-1)
-It's tough to play well and lose by so little, especially with so much on the line. An outside shot at the playoffs, but needs a ton of help, and obviously can't lose again.
8. Father Abraham (4-8) LW: 10th (+2)
-All things considered, this was a very good week. Maybe Jamal Lewis could all-of-a-sudden help a conteder and net FA a solid keeper?
9. Big Fat Guys (4-8) LW: 8th (-1)
-Rough week, but it's all academic down here. The final three spots have little bearing on the playoff picture, but 7 teams in the rankings is just stupid.
10. Who Is Ron Mexico? (3-9) LW: 9th (-1)
-Welcome back.
-High score for the sesaon, ties a league record for wins in a season. Clear #1 right now.
2. Cellar Dwellars (9-3) LW: 2nd (-)
-What has happened to the feel-good story of the season? Not much really. Their opponents have brought some serious heat the last few weeks, and losing a QB mid-game doesn't help this week. Should bounce back relatively easily, but a 2-game losing streak is foreign ground for Stem. Seriously.
3. Sex Panther (7-5) LW: 4th (+1)
-Acquisition of Tiki Barber and recent hot play has made the Betrand Berry game virtually meaningless. In the driver's seat from here out, playing his two closest rivals the next two weeks.
4. The Octagon (7-5) LW: 5th (+1)
-JR is establishing himself as the VUFSA's Oakland A's, whose blistering second halves are legendeary.
5. Blaine Browns (6-6) LW: 3rd (-2)
-#3 score of the week, yet loses by more than 50? That's simply not fair. As of now, the odd-team out in the race, but can change that next week.
6. ChamPeons (6-6) LW: 7th (+1)
-Who the hell saw this coming? CHM one game out of a playoff spot after a thrilling win last week, but a daunting schedule.
7. Fred Lane's Wife (5-7) LW: 6th (-1)
-It's tough to play well and lose by so little, especially with so much on the line. An outside shot at the playoffs, but needs a ton of help, and obviously can't lose again.
8. Father Abraham (4-8) LW: 10th (+2)
-All things considered, this was a very good week. Maybe Jamal Lewis could all-of-a-sudden help a conteder and net FA a solid keeper?
9. Big Fat Guys (4-8) LW: 8th (-1)
-Rough week, but it's all academic down here. The final three spots have little bearing on the playoff picture, but 7 teams in the rankings is just stupid.
10. Who Is Ron Mexico? (3-9) LW: 9th (-1)
-Welcome back.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Top Ten Matchup Moments
A pair of super close matchups in Week 12 have offered hope for some franchises (The Octagon, ChamPeons) and squished the hopes of another (Fred Lane's Wife), which allows a chance to look at the Top Ten Matchup Moments of the 2005 VUFSA football season thus far.
10. In Week 3, the Monday Night Thunder perseveres for the first time. Fred Lane’s Wife is sent to an improbable 1-2 after Rod Smith gets the 13.50 points ChamPeons needs on Monday night for an ultra-close 112.00-109.75 outcome. Owner Brent Whitlock came through and went to 2-1 despite rough weeks from Randy Moss (6.50), Isaac Bruce (0.50), and the loss of defender Takeo Spikes for the year during his game. Andy Viano was undone by a second consecutive off-week by Peyton Manning (4.75).
9. In Week 9, Monday Night Thunder gives The Octagon a tight 97.00-94.25 win over ChamPeons, despite getting offensive touchdowns from only one man – Marvin Harrison on Monday night. The win keeps the balance of power pretty even in the football standings, with both of these teams among the five at 4-5 following the week. Another matchup leading to the same circumstance comes this week, an ugly win by Big Fat Guys over Fred Lane’s Wife, 75.25-71.50.
8. In Week 5, Blaine Browns turns it around. After starting 0-3, Drew Wolf's team wins his second of four straight games with a narrow win over upstart expansion franchise Big Fat Guys, 102.00-97.50. Double digits from six players helped the cause, as he barely escaped the big weeks by Baron Brendel’s Terry Glenn (20.50) and defense, combining for 19.50 points.
7. Week 4 proved to be a close week all around. Steve Smith does nothing but neither does Chris Gamble and Madd Skillz holds on for a 96.25-93.25 win over The Octagon. The battle of the expansions comes down to the wire, and when Ahman Green gets hurt, Big Fat Guys pulls out a 82.25-73.50 win for its first franchise victory. Father Abraham, meanwhile, actually puts together the necessary Monday Night Thunder to win 122.25-119.0 over Fred Lane’s Wife.
6. In Week 11, history almost repeats. It appeared to be a slam dunk that Who Is Ron Mexico would triumph over Sex Panther for an inexplicable series sweep, as he needed just six points from a primary running back (Samkon Gado) going on Monday night. But Gado did zilch and Panther held on for a crucial 98.75-94.75 victory, keeping him very much involved in the playoff conversation, whereas a loss would have been a devastating blow.
5. In Week 7, Madd Skillz finally falls from the ranks of the undefeated with a 105.75-94.25 loss to Fred Lane’s Wife, which needed the win to stay in the playoff hunt, and the result was just one surprising team (Cellar Dwellars) remaining undefeated ay 7-0. A surprising 19 points from Willie Parker suggested the Pittsburgh back might not be done with just yet, and double digit performances from Ronnie Brown and Kevin Curtis were unlikely for owner Andy Viano. Ed Schillinger was victimized by an absent performance from LDT (3 points), Chad Johnson (6) and Rudi Johnson (7).
4. In Week 1, the defending champ against the should-be-champ. Sex Panther and Madd Skillz meet for a season-opening showdown, and the lopsided battle comes as a surprise in the year’s early moments, with Skillz winning 114.5-87.5. Steve Smith, Rudi Johnson, and LaDainian Tomlinson all shine for Ed’s team, and Tom Brady proves to be a smart choice at starting QB. Eli gets a terrible performance from Daunte Culpepper, in the negatives, and that seems to be the difference. The tone is thus set for Madd Skillz to still be the league's best team.
3. Week 2, the expansion franchise gets victory. Sex Panther and Ken’s Anal Adventure come down to Sunday’s final moments, with a revamped Adventure team (now Who Is Ron Mexico?) claiming a 95.25-85.75 victory for the first win by an expansion franchise. The narrow outcome lent vindication to the midweek rebuilding moves put in place by co-owner Dave Tomke. Only three of the nine starting skill positions remained the same between weeks one and two.
2. In Week 12, playoff scenarios swirl on Monday Night around a pair of key matchups, pitting Fred Lane’s Wife against ChamPeons and a desperate The Octagon against a seed-seeking Cellar Dwellars. Both Brent Whitlock and Andrew Stem hold onto their leads at halftime of the Colts-Steelers game, which features several players in question, but Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne bridge the gap for The Octagon and he claims the lead by the time the third quarter rolls around. Fred Lane’s Wife needs eleventh hour heroics to also turn the win, and he falls just short by a grueling 1.50 points. The loss all but eliminates FLW from the playoff hunt.
1. In reality, what happened in Week 8 was not all that significant looking back, with the winner in this matchup (Fred Lane's Wife) out of the equation and the loser (Sex Panther) controlling his own destiny from here on out. But still, you can't disregard this as the most amazing matchup of the season. Here's how it went:
One of the year’s closer games goes in favor of Sex Panther with a 122-119.50 win over Fred Lane’s Wife, the result of dodged Monday Night Thunder. Willie Parker (7 points), Hines Ward (7 points) and Jeff Reed (8 points) are collectively mediocre enough on Monday to give Eli Gieryna the hang-on victory, with two points from Justin Farrior for Gieryna preventing the game from being REALLY tight. These are the games Gieryna failed to win last year. As it was, he moved to 5-3 and Viano fell to 3-5.
Or wait…
On Thursday, a stat correction subtracted a tackle, sack and forced fumble from Bertrand Berry, a defender since waived by Sex Panther, and suddenly Gieryna’s team had lost by 4.00 points (119.50-115.50). The play in question happened in the third quarter, when Drew Bledsoe fumbled a snap, but the “force” and sack was credited elsewhere long after the fact. Yahoo corrected its mistake, to the chagrin of Panther. It was Thursday Night Thunder, a one-of-a-kind malady and another example in the bad luck run of Eli Gieryna.
10. In Week 3, the Monday Night Thunder perseveres for the first time. Fred Lane’s Wife is sent to an improbable 1-2 after Rod Smith gets the 13.50 points ChamPeons needs on Monday night for an ultra-close 112.00-109.75 outcome. Owner Brent Whitlock came through and went to 2-1 despite rough weeks from Randy Moss (6.50), Isaac Bruce (0.50), and the loss of defender Takeo Spikes for the year during his game. Andy Viano was undone by a second consecutive off-week by Peyton Manning (4.75).
9. In Week 9, Monday Night Thunder gives The Octagon a tight 97.00-94.25 win over ChamPeons, despite getting offensive touchdowns from only one man – Marvin Harrison on Monday night. The win keeps the balance of power pretty even in the football standings, with both of these teams among the five at 4-5 following the week. Another matchup leading to the same circumstance comes this week, an ugly win by Big Fat Guys over Fred Lane’s Wife, 75.25-71.50.
8. In Week 5, Blaine Browns turns it around. After starting 0-3, Drew Wolf's team wins his second of four straight games with a narrow win over upstart expansion franchise Big Fat Guys, 102.00-97.50. Double digits from six players helped the cause, as he barely escaped the big weeks by Baron Brendel’s Terry Glenn (20.50) and defense, combining for 19.50 points.
7. Week 4 proved to be a close week all around. Steve Smith does nothing but neither does Chris Gamble and Madd Skillz holds on for a 96.25-93.25 win over The Octagon. The battle of the expansions comes down to the wire, and when Ahman Green gets hurt, Big Fat Guys pulls out a 82.25-73.50 win for its first franchise victory. Father Abraham, meanwhile, actually puts together the necessary Monday Night Thunder to win 122.25-119.0 over Fred Lane’s Wife.
6. In Week 11, history almost repeats. It appeared to be a slam dunk that Who Is Ron Mexico would triumph over Sex Panther for an inexplicable series sweep, as he needed just six points from a primary running back (Samkon Gado) going on Monday night. But Gado did zilch and Panther held on for a crucial 98.75-94.75 victory, keeping him very much involved in the playoff conversation, whereas a loss would have been a devastating blow.
5. In Week 7, Madd Skillz finally falls from the ranks of the undefeated with a 105.75-94.25 loss to Fred Lane’s Wife, which needed the win to stay in the playoff hunt, and the result was just one surprising team (Cellar Dwellars) remaining undefeated ay 7-0. A surprising 19 points from Willie Parker suggested the Pittsburgh back might not be done with just yet, and double digit performances from Ronnie Brown and Kevin Curtis were unlikely for owner Andy Viano. Ed Schillinger was victimized by an absent performance from LDT (3 points), Chad Johnson (6) and Rudi Johnson (7).
4. In Week 1, the defending champ against the should-be-champ. Sex Panther and Madd Skillz meet for a season-opening showdown, and the lopsided battle comes as a surprise in the year’s early moments, with Skillz winning 114.5-87.5. Steve Smith, Rudi Johnson, and LaDainian Tomlinson all shine for Ed’s team, and Tom Brady proves to be a smart choice at starting QB. Eli gets a terrible performance from Daunte Culpepper, in the negatives, and that seems to be the difference. The tone is thus set for Madd Skillz to still be the league's best team.
3. Week 2, the expansion franchise gets victory. Sex Panther and Ken’s Anal Adventure come down to Sunday’s final moments, with a revamped Adventure team (now Who Is Ron Mexico?) claiming a 95.25-85.75 victory for the first win by an expansion franchise. The narrow outcome lent vindication to the midweek rebuilding moves put in place by co-owner Dave Tomke. Only three of the nine starting skill positions remained the same between weeks one and two.
2. In Week 12, playoff scenarios swirl on Monday Night around a pair of key matchups, pitting Fred Lane’s Wife against ChamPeons and a desperate The Octagon against a seed-seeking Cellar Dwellars. Both Brent Whitlock and Andrew Stem hold onto their leads at halftime of the Colts-Steelers game, which features several players in question, but Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne bridge the gap for The Octagon and he claims the lead by the time the third quarter rolls around. Fred Lane’s Wife needs eleventh hour heroics to also turn the win, and he falls just short by a grueling 1.50 points. The loss all but eliminates FLW from the playoff hunt.
1. In reality, what happened in Week 8 was not all that significant looking back, with the winner in this matchup (Fred Lane's Wife) out of the equation and the loser (Sex Panther) controlling his own destiny from here on out. But still, you can't disregard this as the most amazing matchup of the season. Here's how it went:
One of the year’s closer games goes in favor of Sex Panther with a 122-119.50 win over Fred Lane’s Wife, the result of dodged Monday Night Thunder. Willie Parker (7 points), Hines Ward (7 points) and Jeff Reed (8 points) are collectively mediocre enough on Monday to give Eli Gieryna the hang-on victory, with two points from Justin Farrior for Gieryna preventing the game from being REALLY tight. These are the games Gieryna failed to win last year. As it was, he moved to 5-3 and Viano fell to 3-5.
Or wait…
On Thursday, a stat correction subtracted a tackle, sack and forced fumble from Bertrand Berry, a defender since waived by Sex Panther, and suddenly Gieryna’s team had lost by 4.00 points (119.50-115.50). The play in question happened in the third quarter, when Drew Bledsoe fumbled a snap, but the “force” and sack was credited elsewhere long after the fact. Yahoo corrected its mistake, to the chagrin of Panther. It was Thursday Night Thunder, a one-of-a-kind malady and another example in the bad luck run of Eli Gieryna.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Week 12 Preview
Game of the Week
Madd Skillz vs. Blaine Browns (pk)
I don't know if I catch any heat for this- but I refuse to install anyone (especially not myself) as a 30 point favorite in these games. Could I start making up my own lines without offending anyone?...Matchup features the two highest scoring teams from last week...This game has a ton of interesting matchups, position-by-position, but the real-life game to decide this one may be the Chargers game- to see whether LDT (SKL) or Drew Brees (BB) get the majority of the TDs...BB has what we all want- the first and last word, with two Falcons going on Thursday and Edgerrin on Monday Night. SKL has no one playing oustide of Sunday...Ed and Drew are 2-2 against one another lifetime
News and Notes, SKL
The return of Rudi Johnson to stud form would be a good thing for SKL. Rudi managed just 76 yards last week, but found paydirt twice. Rudi has been struggling with a nagging knee injury for most of the season, but if the bye in week 10 let him get healthy, that's a nice thing to have down the stretch...The wide receivers did some serious damage last week, but Santana Moss has been slumping...Larry Johnson has 53 fewere rushing yards than LaDanian Tomlinson, on 51 fewer carries...Key Injuries: Jeremy Shockey- Questionable; Domanick Davis- Probable
News and Notes, BB
Drew Brees can no longer be considered a marginal keeper- he's one of the best starts in the league right now...Chris Brown came over at a good time, a big week last week, and a matchup with the 49ers this week...Ruben Droughns also came up big, scoring his second touchdown of the season...Outside of Brees and Edgerrin James, Keenan McCardell has the most TDs on this team (7) and he rides the bench in favor of Derrick Mason and his one score...Donald Driver has potential to be BB's best receiver, even with Randy Moss on board...Key Injuries: Randy Moss- Probable; Curtis Martin- Probable
Playoff Impact: Significant. The Browns have to take care of business every week, and with FLW and SP in very winnable games, can't lose any ground. SKL is playing for seeding, which really doesn't matter.
The 2 Spot
Cellar Dwellars vs. The Octagon (+15)
OCT brings their latest streak (a winning one, at 4 games) into the house of CD, coming off just their second loss of the season...Both of these clubs had their latest loss come at the hands of the Blaine Browns...It was the last meeting between these two that sent OCT into a tailspin, that being the first of 5 straight losses...Stem's week 3 victory cut Radcliffe's all-time advantage in half, to 2-1
News and Notes, CD
Byron Leftwich gets in the driver's seat this week, taking his hot hand into Arizona. Is Leftwich the better start? Probably, for this week. It's an unpleasant problem that's presented itself to Andrew- as Byron's recent play (and John Clayton's cutting comments) have lead to a QB controversy, and those are never fun...LaMont Jordan is slumping, but Kevin Jones is rising, so I guess it all balances out...Plaxico Burress did bounce back with a big game last week, and Larry Fitzgerald's every week awesome makes this one of the top 3 WR1-WR2 tandems in the league...Steve Heiden gets the nod at TE over Randy McMichael...Neil Rackers has more points this season than: Chad Johnson, Antonio Gates, Marvin Harrison, Torry Holt, Priest Holmes, Terrell Owens, Curtis Martin and Corey Dillon...Key Injuries: None, per usual
News and Notes, OCT
The Steal of the Draft is Back! Trent Green suits up at QB for OCT this week, showing Brett Farve the bench...Also at the QB spot this week, OCT picked up the injured Marc Bulger for the injured Cedric Benson. It's hard to tell if the teams involved were banking on something for next year, or something for the last few weeks...How timely was Mike Anderson's big game last week? Huge, especially when you consider that it kept a rival running back (FLW's Tatum Bell) tethered to the bench...Cadillac Williams also plays a big role in the big win, but runs into the staunch Bear defense this week...What will Brian Westbrook's value be with Donovan McNabb on IR? Probably pretty significant, as Mike McMahon has earned the respect of the national press despite winning just one start his whole career...Where was I going with that?...Key Injuries: Jimmy Smith- Probable; Marc Bulger- Out
Playoff Impact: Significant. Same scenario as above; OCT is playing as a desperate man, while CD fights for seeding. A loss here is devastating to the eight-sided one.
Game #3
Sex Panther vs. Big Fat Guys (+24)
Smack talk resulting from this game: "The Rams were playing Houston, what chance did I have," or "Why does the fantasy world hate me when all I show it is love?"...Oustide of two running backs named Barber, I'm struggling to find interesting things for this italicized part...Eli is 1-0 against Baron lifetime, notching his first win of the season against the BFG in week 3
News and Notes, SP
Marc Bulger is no more, traded for Cedric Benson, which leads me to three questions: 1) Can Steve McNair and/or Kurt Warner lead a team to a VUFSA Crown? 2) Which stud QB will SP acquire in exchange for Drew Bennett and Ernest Wilford? 3) Is Eli going to keep 5 running backs?...Steven Jackson did not look good last week, but be prepared for a monster bounce back. Last time Bulger went out, Jackson went off every week in the STL offense, so the injury to Bulger could turn out to be a blessing here...Willis McGahee has been about as consistent as you could want, but one expected more than 10 points a game after the promise shown last season...Clinton Portis has good numbers, but has only scored a TD in three games this season...It's a great relief to SP that Antonio Gates' injury is not serious...Key Injuries: Steve McNair- Questionable; Antonio Gates- Questionable; Cedric Benson- Out
News and Notes, BFG
Brendel gave us a heck of a run, but it looks as if the role of spoiler is all that's left for his remaining games...This is one of those games, as game-time decisions could handcuff SP, while BFG has a couple of nice matchups...Carson Palmer is about as reliable a QB as you can ask for, and will do good things against an overrated Ravens Defense...Marion Barber, however, will not do good things against a great Denver Defense...Nate Burleson is back in the lineup, no matter how stinky the Minnesota offense looks...Dallas Clark had a big game last week, and looms as Monday Night Thunder this weekend...Will get a tremendous boost if Terry Glenn and Barber can have big Thanksgivings, but if they don't, it'll be a long way to Monday...Key Injuries: Frank Gore- Doubtful
Playoff Impact: Marginal. SP doesn't look to hang close to an expansion team for the second straight week, so don't alter any thoughts you have about the race because of the result of this game.
Batting Cleanup
ChamPeons vs. Fred Lane's Wife (-13)
This game can safely be called an elimination game; as the loser will hit 7 losses and be gone from our playoff minded thoughts...Turkey-day RB matchup of Tatum Bell (FLW) vs. Julius Jones (CHM) will set the tone for this one...In games following 2 consecutive 100+ point weeks, FLW has scored an average of 69 points...They have scored 100+ the last two weeks...Champion holds the all-time edge, winning 2 of 3, including the week 3 showdown this season
News and Notes, CHM
It appears the Drew Bledsoe train has run out of gas, and Kerry Collins starts against a weak Miami team this week...Wide Receivers are all very solid, two of them were keepers last season for other clubs...Mewelde Moore is a good start for the next few weeks, but Shawn Bryson is not...Mike Alstott would be a better option against anybody but the Bears...Julius Jones can do so much more than he has this year, and will surely go down as one of the most disappointing players of 2005...Key Injuries: Mewelde Moore- Probable; Erron Kinney- Questionable
News and Notes, FLW
The recent hot streak of Peyton Manning could push this club into the playoffs singlehandedly, but the thought of him resting after the Colts lock up home field is damning...Heath Evans has turned out to be an admirable fill-in for Corey Dillon, who doesn't seem to be getting any healthier...This is a deep and talented RB corps, but so many questions surround every single back, be it splitting carries (Ronnie Brown, Tatum Bell, Willie Parker/Jerome Bettis), injuries (Parker, Dillon, Bettis) or just being a backup (Evans, Chris Perry)...Key Injuries: Willie Parker- Probable; Corey Dillon- Questionable; Tatum Bell- Questionable
Playoff Impact: Elimination Game. The hopes of one team are done after this week.
The 5 Hole
Father Abraham vs. Who is Ron Mexico? (+20)
Yuck...Father Abraham won the only meeting between these two, back in week 3
News and Notes, FA
There isn't much else to say outside of injuries...McNabb and Holmes are on IR and no amount of preparation could ready someone for that kind of loss...What can be done to look to next season? Unknown, but some sort of move is inevitable...Key Injuries: McNabb, Holmes- IR
News and Notes, WIRM
Will this team be humbled after popping off way too early last week? Probably not...It appears as if Samkon Gado is really bad, which means the myopic morons in Green Bay can take down their oh-so-witty "In Gado we Trust" signs...Ahman Green and Gado have cost this team Monday Night wins; also costing them wins: the disparity of talent between their team and their opponent's...There are a lot of good possibilities on the roster, it's just a matter of making the right call each week, and gambling correctly on keepers...Key Injuries: Chester Taylor- Questionable
Playoff Impact: No.
Madd Skillz vs. Blaine Browns (pk)
I don't know if I catch any heat for this- but I refuse to install anyone (especially not myself) as a 30 point favorite in these games. Could I start making up my own lines without offending anyone?...Matchup features the two highest scoring teams from last week...This game has a ton of interesting matchups, position-by-position, but the real-life game to decide this one may be the Chargers game- to see whether LDT (SKL) or Drew Brees (BB) get the majority of the TDs...BB has what we all want- the first and last word, with two Falcons going on Thursday and Edgerrin on Monday Night. SKL has no one playing oustide of Sunday...Ed and Drew are 2-2 against one another lifetime
News and Notes, SKL
The return of Rudi Johnson to stud form would be a good thing for SKL. Rudi managed just 76 yards last week, but found paydirt twice. Rudi has been struggling with a nagging knee injury for most of the season, but if the bye in week 10 let him get healthy, that's a nice thing to have down the stretch...The wide receivers did some serious damage last week, but Santana Moss has been slumping...Larry Johnson has 53 fewere rushing yards than LaDanian Tomlinson, on 51 fewer carries...Key Injuries: Jeremy Shockey- Questionable; Domanick Davis- Probable
News and Notes, BB
Drew Brees can no longer be considered a marginal keeper- he's one of the best starts in the league right now...Chris Brown came over at a good time, a big week last week, and a matchup with the 49ers this week...Ruben Droughns also came up big, scoring his second touchdown of the season...Outside of Brees and Edgerrin James, Keenan McCardell has the most TDs on this team (7) and he rides the bench in favor of Derrick Mason and his one score...Donald Driver has potential to be BB's best receiver, even with Randy Moss on board...Key Injuries: Randy Moss- Probable; Curtis Martin- Probable
Playoff Impact: Significant. The Browns have to take care of business every week, and with FLW and SP in very winnable games, can't lose any ground. SKL is playing for seeding, which really doesn't matter.
The 2 Spot
Cellar Dwellars vs. The Octagon (+15)
OCT brings their latest streak (a winning one, at 4 games) into the house of CD, coming off just their second loss of the season...Both of these clubs had their latest loss come at the hands of the Blaine Browns...It was the last meeting between these two that sent OCT into a tailspin, that being the first of 5 straight losses...Stem's week 3 victory cut Radcliffe's all-time advantage in half, to 2-1
News and Notes, CD
Byron Leftwich gets in the driver's seat this week, taking his hot hand into Arizona. Is Leftwich the better start? Probably, for this week. It's an unpleasant problem that's presented itself to Andrew- as Byron's recent play (and John Clayton's cutting comments) have lead to a QB controversy, and those are never fun...LaMont Jordan is slumping, but Kevin Jones is rising, so I guess it all balances out...Plaxico Burress did bounce back with a big game last week, and Larry Fitzgerald's every week awesome makes this one of the top 3 WR1-WR2 tandems in the league...Steve Heiden gets the nod at TE over Randy McMichael...Neil Rackers has more points this season than: Chad Johnson, Antonio Gates, Marvin Harrison, Torry Holt, Priest Holmes, Terrell Owens, Curtis Martin and Corey Dillon...Key Injuries: None, per usual
News and Notes, OCT
The Steal of the Draft is Back! Trent Green suits up at QB for OCT this week, showing Brett Farve the bench...Also at the QB spot this week, OCT picked up the injured Marc Bulger for the injured Cedric Benson. It's hard to tell if the teams involved were banking on something for next year, or something for the last few weeks...How timely was Mike Anderson's big game last week? Huge, especially when you consider that it kept a rival running back (FLW's Tatum Bell) tethered to the bench...Cadillac Williams also plays a big role in the big win, but runs into the staunch Bear defense this week...What will Brian Westbrook's value be with Donovan McNabb on IR? Probably pretty significant, as Mike McMahon has earned the respect of the national press despite winning just one start his whole career...Where was I going with that?...Key Injuries: Jimmy Smith- Probable; Marc Bulger- Out
Playoff Impact: Significant. Same scenario as above; OCT is playing as a desperate man, while CD fights for seeding. A loss here is devastating to the eight-sided one.
Game #3
Sex Panther vs. Big Fat Guys (+24)
Smack talk resulting from this game: "The Rams were playing Houston, what chance did I have," or "Why does the fantasy world hate me when all I show it is love?"...Oustide of two running backs named Barber, I'm struggling to find interesting things for this italicized part...Eli is 1-0 against Baron lifetime, notching his first win of the season against the BFG in week 3
News and Notes, SP
Marc Bulger is no more, traded for Cedric Benson, which leads me to three questions: 1) Can Steve McNair and/or Kurt Warner lead a team to a VUFSA Crown? 2) Which stud QB will SP acquire in exchange for Drew Bennett and Ernest Wilford? 3) Is Eli going to keep 5 running backs?...Steven Jackson did not look good last week, but be prepared for a monster bounce back. Last time Bulger went out, Jackson went off every week in the STL offense, so the injury to Bulger could turn out to be a blessing here...Willis McGahee has been about as consistent as you could want, but one expected more than 10 points a game after the promise shown last season...Clinton Portis has good numbers, but has only scored a TD in three games this season...It's a great relief to SP that Antonio Gates' injury is not serious...Key Injuries: Steve McNair- Questionable; Antonio Gates- Questionable; Cedric Benson- Out
News and Notes, BFG
Brendel gave us a heck of a run, but it looks as if the role of spoiler is all that's left for his remaining games...This is one of those games, as game-time decisions could handcuff SP, while BFG has a couple of nice matchups...Carson Palmer is about as reliable a QB as you can ask for, and will do good things against an overrated Ravens Defense...Marion Barber, however, will not do good things against a great Denver Defense...Nate Burleson is back in the lineup, no matter how stinky the Minnesota offense looks...Dallas Clark had a big game last week, and looms as Monday Night Thunder this weekend...Will get a tremendous boost if Terry Glenn and Barber can have big Thanksgivings, but if they don't, it'll be a long way to Monday...Key Injuries: Frank Gore- Doubtful
Playoff Impact: Marginal. SP doesn't look to hang close to an expansion team for the second straight week, so don't alter any thoughts you have about the race because of the result of this game.
Batting Cleanup
ChamPeons vs. Fred Lane's Wife (-13)
This game can safely be called an elimination game; as the loser will hit 7 losses and be gone from our playoff minded thoughts...Turkey-day RB matchup of Tatum Bell (FLW) vs. Julius Jones (CHM) will set the tone for this one...In games following 2 consecutive 100+ point weeks, FLW has scored an average of 69 points...They have scored 100+ the last two weeks...Champion holds the all-time edge, winning 2 of 3, including the week 3 showdown this season
News and Notes, CHM
It appears the Drew Bledsoe train has run out of gas, and Kerry Collins starts against a weak Miami team this week...Wide Receivers are all very solid, two of them were keepers last season for other clubs...Mewelde Moore is a good start for the next few weeks, but Shawn Bryson is not...Mike Alstott would be a better option against anybody but the Bears...Julius Jones can do so much more than he has this year, and will surely go down as one of the most disappointing players of 2005...Key Injuries: Mewelde Moore- Probable; Erron Kinney- Questionable
News and Notes, FLW
The recent hot streak of Peyton Manning could push this club into the playoffs singlehandedly, but the thought of him resting after the Colts lock up home field is damning...Heath Evans has turned out to be an admirable fill-in for Corey Dillon, who doesn't seem to be getting any healthier...This is a deep and talented RB corps, but so many questions surround every single back, be it splitting carries (Ronnie Brown, Tatum Bell, Willie Parker/Jerome Bettis), injuries (Parker, Dillon, Bettis) or just being a backup (Evans, Chris Perry)...Key Injuries: Willie Parker- Probable; Corey Dillon- Questionable; Tatum Bell- Questionable
Playoff Impact: Elimination Game. The hopes of one team are done after this week.
The 5 Hole
Father Abraham vs. Who is Ron Mexico? (+20)
Yuck...Father Abraham won the only meeting between these two, back in week 3
News and Notes, FA
There isn't much else to say outside of injuries...McNabb and Holmes are on IR and no amount of preparation could ready someone for that kind of loss...What can be done to look to next season? Unknown, but some sort of move is inevitable...Key Injuries: McNabb, Holmes- IR
News and Notes, WIRM
Will this team be humbled after popping off way too early last week? Probably not...It appears as if Samkon Gado is really bad, which means the myopic morons in Green Bay can take down their oh-so-witty "In Gado we Trust" signs...Ahman Green and Gado have cost this team Monday Night wins; also costing them wins: the disparity of talent between their team and their opponent's...There are a lot of good possibilities on the roster, it's just a matter of making the right call each week, and gambling correctly on keepers...Key Injuries: Chester Taylor- Questionable
Playoff Impact: No.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Power Rankings - 11/23
1. Madd Skillz (9-2) LW: 2nd (+1)
-League's top scorer has clinched a playoff spot with a monster week. Reason: OCT still has to face BB and SP this season. If OCT wins both, BB and SP will have at least 6 losses. If OCT loses either or both; they will have at least 6 losses. Either scenario will give the league 6 teams with at least 6 losses, while the most SKL can lose is 5.
2. Cellar Dwellars (9-2) LW: 1st (-1)
-Looking to silence their critics once again; CD does, by playing an opponent who has a monster week. It's the first time that the Dwellars have played the high score team; and the first time they've scored in the top 5 yet lost. Has clinched a playoff spot, due to the reasons detailed above. Whoever had November 21st in the "Stem clinches a playoff spot" pool is a liar.
3. Blaine Browns (6-5) LW: 4th (+1)
-High score of the week is the #2 weekly output in the league all season. Drew Brees provides a 37 point gain in the QB spot this week. Another big challenge with SKL this week; but that game is nothing in comparison to what we could see in week 13: BB-SP, which in certain conditions, could be the biggest game we see all year.
4. Sex Panther (6-5) LW: 3rd (-1)
-Narrowly escapes WIRM with an underwhelming week. 5 players did leave their games; but 2 were defenders, and 3 had already had acheived the point total that would be expected from them. Continues on their tour of expansion teams this week, before the aforementioned BB showdown, then a week 14 grudge match against OCT, which in certain conditions, could be the biggest game we see all year.
5. The Octagon (6-5) LW: 5th (-)
-The hottest team in the league has won 4 in a row; the last two after allegedly giving up on a playoff spot and planning for next year. The schedule is awfully tough; but the good news is that OCT controls their destiny from here on out. Cannot fall of the pace against CD, as they are unlikely to earn any tiebreakers.
6. Fred Lane's Wife (5-6) LW: 6th (-)
-The weirdest part of an exhilirating week is that FLW, despite their loss, is still a favorite- yes, favorite- for a playoff spot. The next three weeks bring three of the lowest scoring teams in the league; if this club takes care of business, that puts them at 8 wins; which is going to be the win total of the #4 seed, maybe the #3. Will need some help, but seriously, three wins should put them in.
7. ChamPeons (5-6) LW: 8th (+1)
-In true Champ fashion, CHM takes any win they can get. If they win out, there's a playoff possibility here too.
8. Big Fat Guys (4-7) LW: 7th (-1)
-Really, what chance did they have?
9. Who Is Ron Mexico? (2-9) LW: 9th (-)
-Kids, today's lesson is about "counting your chickens before they've hatched."
10. Father Abraham (3-8) LW: 10th (-)
-7 straight losses and the low score for the week prevent me from moving them up, though I want to.
-League's top scorer has clinched a playoff spot with a monster week. Reason: OCT still has to face BB and SP this season. If OCT wins both, BB and SP will have at least 6 losses. If OCT loses either or both; they will have at least 6 losses. Either scenario will give the league 6 teams with at least 6 losses, while the most SKL can lose is 5.
2. Cellar Dwellars (9-2) LW: 1st (-1)
-Looking to silence their critics once again; CD does, by playing an opponent who has a monster week. It's the first time that the Dwellars have played the high score team; and the first time they've scored in the top 5 yet lost. Has clinched a playoff spot, due to the reasons detailed above. Whoever had November 21st in the "Stem clinches a playoff spot" pool is a liar.
3. Blaine Browns (6-5) LW: 4th (+1)
-High score of the week is the #2 weekly output in the league all season. Drew Brees provides a 37 point gain in the QB spot this week. Another big challenge with SKL this week; but that game is nothing in comparison to what we could see in week 13: BB-SP, which in certain conditions, could be the biggest game we see all year.
4. Sex Panther (6-5) LW: 3rd (-1)
-Narrowly escapes WIRM with an underwhelming week. 5 players did leave their games; but 2 were defenders, and 3 had already had acheived the point total that would be expected from them. Continues on their tour of expansion teams this week, before the aforementioned BB showdown, then a week 14 grudge match against OCT, which in certain conditions, could be the biggest game we see all year.
5. The Octagon (6-5) LW: 5th (-)
-The hottest team in the league has won 4 in a row; the last two after allegedly giving up on a playoff spot and planning for next year. The schedule is awfully tough; but the good news is that OCT controls their destiny from here on out. Cannot fall of the pace against CD, as they are unlikely to earn any tiebreakers.
6. Fred Lane's Wife (5-6) LW: 6th (-)
-The weirdest part of an exhilirating week is that FLW, despite their loss, is still a favorite- yes, favorite- for a playoff spot. The next three weeks bring three of the lowest scoring teams in the league; if this club takes care of business, that puts them at 8 wins; which is going to be the win total of the #4 seed, maybe the #3. Will need some help, but seriously, three wins should put them in.
7. ChamPeons (5-6) LW: 8th (+1)
-In true Champ fashion, CHM takes any win they can get. If they win out, there's a playoff possibility here too.
8. Big Fat Guys (4-7) LW: 7th (-1)
-Really, what chance did they have?
9. Who Is Ron Mexico? (2-9) LW: 9th (-)
-Kids, today's lesson is about "counting your chickens before they've hatched."
10. Father Abraham (3-8) LW: 10th (-)
-7 straight losses and the low score for the week prevent me from moving them up, though I want to.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
My face won't stop itching
Hey, I’m back!
I’ve been gone a while, I know, and I apologize. But I took a cruise on my vacation and got marooned off the coast of Tanzania and spent nearly six weeks living with the natives before being rescued –- though I guess "rescued" isn’t the right term, since I enjoyed my time there. None of the women wear shirts! Not a one! Can you believe it?
Here’s my rock-solid analysis for Week Eleven.
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Blaine Browns: 164 points
Cellar Dwellers: 124.50 points
Game summary: Someone finally showed up to play against Cellar Dwellers. And that someone had some new toys in his wagon. CD still had a good week, but was hurt by the karma of the Jake Delhomme decision and the fact he still lugs around five defenders. But plain and simple, BB was fantastic.
Blaine Browns (6-5): Drew Wolf. Drew Brees. Both had good weeks. Chris Brown not only gives BB a good starting back, it allows him to play the matchup game. He did that this week, parking Curtis Martin on the bench against Denver’s defense. And of course, Chris Brown went to college in Colorado. Denver is in Colorado. I think you can see where I’m going with my little factoid roll here. Huh? What did I just say? I’m wasted. Balls!
Cellar Dwellers (9-2): Stem, I know you’re a Lions fan (you probably like silver stretch pants, just like me), but starting Jake Delhomme against that Bears defense is indefensible. Absolutely inexcusable. Especially when the other option was Byron Leftwich against the awful, awful Titans. Worst idea since that one evening back in 1978 when I drank a fifth of Jose Cuervo, put on a pink bunny suit and then let Roger Staubach stick me in the clothes dryer in his basement for 15 minutes. What a mess that was.
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Madd Skillz: 152.75 points
Big Fat Guys: 88.75 points
Game summary: This game was over faster than my date with Jennifer Aniston at Club 57 after she and Brad split up. Any woman who doesn’t like wiggling her toes in a bucket of tartar sauce while she gives me backs rubs is a woman I don’t want to waste my time on.
Madd Skillz (9-2): He’s never, ever going to lose again. You have John Clayton’s word.
Big Fat Guys (4-7): Lost to a team with two of the three best running backs in the league, two of the top three receivers and a top-3 quarterback. Not really his fault, but the reality is that his playoff hopes have dried up. They’ll probably start to chafe soon –- come see me after the recap, Baron. I’ve got a cream for that.
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Who is Ron Mexico?: 94.75 points
Sex Panther: 98.75 points
Game summary: This is the first "ugly win" of the year for SP, and just another in a long line of losses for WiRM. No opponent has scored fewer than 92 points all year against Sexy Panther and the trend continued here. Sex Panther is easier to score on than Nicole Ritchie after seven Keystones, five shots of Bacardi 151, two vodka tonics, six bong hits, a drop of acid and nine ounces of Nyquil.
Who is Ron Mexico? (2-9): Dave Tomke called Eli Sunday afternoon and told him "I’m going to beat you again." Then he posted the same thing on his smack talk. Then, for no reason, he bragged about it with an announcement on this media outlet. Then Samkon Gado sucked on Monday night and Tomke lost. Shut the hell up, Dave.
Sex Panther (6-5): I’ve thought long and hard about a proper analogy for Sex Panther’s season, and here is what I’ve come up with. Sex Panther’s season is like putting on your best duds (cowboy boots, yellow Bike shorts and a fur-lined leather jacket for me) and heading off to a hott Cali party. Upon arriving at the party, you are hailed by everyone in attendance as looking great. Hell, you look in the mirror and you think you look great. You feel good. The amyls help, of course. Then you are told that you can achieve the ultimate goal – you hear that Jessica Alba wants to sleep with you. Bingo! Naturally, you’re stirred up and excited. You look around for her all night and are always caught up by someone else ... though you exchange several glances. It’s getting late. You start to panic. But then suddenly, without knowing exactly what happened, it’s 3:45 a.m. and you’re lying on the floor of dimly-lit room with your hands bound behind your head and Star Jones sitting on your face. That’s Sex Panther’s season.
Oh ... Sex Panther actually won? I see. Well, in that case, you have the answer to what I did this past weekend.
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The Octagon: 127.50 points
Fred Lane’s Wife: 100 points
Game summary: This was a big game here, and it seemed to be overlooked a bit. Two 5-5 teams trying to rise up out of the mess, with major playoff implications. Despite Manning’s torching of the Ben-gals (mmmmm), The Octagon came out on top by a comfortable margin.
The Octagon (6-5): While the league is all aflutter with trade discussions, does anyone remember that WiRM traded Mike Anderson to JR for a bagel? Anderson has just been huge the last four weeks – and with Tatum Bell gimpy, his role could expand even further. Cadillac also got motoring a bit, which has to make JR smile. Or pee all over his living room.
Fred Lane’s Wife (5-6): A tough loss, one that featured several subpar performances (Joey Galloway, hello). The loss drops them behind 6-5 teams, so the road to the playoffs will be uphill and curvy and bendy and gravelly and treacherous. Fred Lane’s Wife is wonderful, and needs to be ready for action this weekend. Fred Lane’s Wife, on the other hand, has some definite dirty work ahead.
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ChamPeons: 70.50 points
Father Abraham: 67 points
Game summary: It seems there’s always one awful, horrifying matchup like this every weekend. Last week it was Dennis Franz and Rosanne Barr. The week before, I saw Dennis Rodman and Diane Keaton get down. Now, ChamPeons and Father Abraham hook up … and the results are similar.
ChamPeons (5-6): ChamPeons, propelled by Terrell Owens’ huge week, notches the victory over the reeling Father Abraham squad.
Father Abraham (3-8): Not that he wants it, but Lincoln has my sympathy. Priest Holmes is gone. Donovan McNabb is gone. Jamal Lewis is suddenly the worst starting running back in the league. And his two keeper WRs haven’t performed anywhere near the level they were expected to. There just isn’t much he could have done after a promising start. Sad.
And when you’re sad, there’s only one thing to do: Soak an old sweatshirt with ether and huff away. Let the good times roll! See ya’ll later.
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