Father Abraham: 4-10

Father Abraham: 4-10

Father Abraham began the year with a strong keeper roster, filled out by last second trades at the end of the 2004 season. Well rounded with a top three quarterback, a pair of dominant running backs, and two established receivers, Father Abraham looked to make the playoffs for the first time. A hot start to the season quickly cooled thanks to injuries and underachieving players and Father Abraham tumbled downwards finishing the year at 4-10.

Keepers:
Donovan McNabb
Jamal Lewis
Priest Holmes
Mushin Muhammad
Joe Horn

The keeper roster alone looked to be playoff caliber. McNabb was coming off a 31 TD, 3,800 yard season. 2004 saw Lewis run for a 1,000 yards, and Holmes continued his dominating play with 15 TDs. The wide receivers, Horn and Muhammad, combined for over 180 catches, 1700 yards, and 27 TDs.

Round 1: Anquan Boldin
Round 2: Stephen Davis
Round 3: Jason Witten
Round 4: Ricky Willliams
Round 5: Ashley Lelie
Round 6: Jake Plummer
Round 7: Jason Elam
Round 8: William Green
Round 9: Charles Rogers
Round 10: Ray Lewis
Round 11: Bertrand Berry
Round 12: Mike Green
Round 13: Shayne Graham
Round 14: Daniel Graham
Round 15: Peter Warrick

The draft did a solid job of rounding out FA’s roster. The first three picks were as good as any in the league. Anquan Boldin has flourished in a run challenged Arizona offense, grabbing 85 balls for 1,236 yards and 6 TDs. Stephen Davis had a marvelous start to the season (a theme for FA) on his way to a 12 TD season. Jason Witten is as solid of a tight end as they come racking up 698 yards and 5 TDs in 2005.

After the first three picks, though, the draft began to fizzle. Ricky Williams was suspended for four games, the exact same number of weeks he was on the club’s roster once eligible for playing. The smokin’ one only managed 21 yards on the ground for FA before owner Lincoln Souzek cut ties with Williams. Ashley Lelie made it to week 8 before also leaving the FA squad with just one touchdown. Jake Plummer proved to be a serviceable backup to Donovan McNabb who would eventually be lost to injury. William Green never was able to unseat Reuben Droughns in Cleveland rendering Green useless. Charles Rogers became friends with Ricky Williams and smoked himself off FA. Bertrand Berry would find greener pastures elsewhere, and rounds 13 and 14 made me hungry for smores.

And so the season began for Father Abraham who was quick out of the gates winning three of their first four games. Souzek saw his team score 100+ in two of the three wins – the only two times they would cross into triple digits all season. During the three game win streak, Donovan McNabb fueled Father Abraham with 10 TDs to just 2 INTs. The supporting crew came alive too with Stephen Davis finding the end zone five times; Priest Holmes averaging 13.50 per game; Anquan Bolding hauling in 22 catches. The end result found Father Abraham one of just three teams above .500, and in third place at 3-1.

Despite the hot start, the league’s attention was turned toward the two teams ahead of Father Abraham in the standings. Andrew Stem’s Cellar Dwellers was the story of the season reeling off four quick victories and finding himself in a tie with the mighty Madd Skillz for first place. The ominous call for respect came in the form of Yahoo smack talk, “Father Abraham, the only team getting less respect than Baron.” This prompted a certain writer (and certified pharmacy technician, that’s Drew Wolf cPht, bitches) to pen a piece analyzing Father Abraham’s strong start. Excerpted from the well written October 5th blog entry:

“Should McNabb go down or even be rested, Father Abraham’s backup is the much less spectacular Jake Plummer…The running back contingent has been the real head scratcher. Jamal Lewis was supposed to be the best running back in the bunch, and Stephen Davis the question mark. Now the roles are reversed with Lewis playing in a Baltimore offense that is mentally challenged and Davis in a well balanced Panthers offense that gives opportunity and running room. Priest Holmes is his solid self, but with Larry Johnson continuing to play well, Holmes’ touches could be in question…So what lies ahead for Father Abraham? McNabb’s surgery, Horn’s health, and Williams’ pot will go a long way in telling just how far this Father Abraham team can go…”

Those question marks would turn into exclamation marks for all the wrong reasons for Souzek. In week 9, Terrell Owens would seal his fate by falling for a meticulously placed ESPN trap where the network creates its own news by setting up interviews with stupid people, giving them a microphone, asking questions with only wrong answers, hyping it incessantly, replaying it for others to comment on, and forcing important people to make decision that they wouldn’t have had to should ESPN have just reported news and not make it. This left Donovan McNabb without anyone to throw the football to, and after the suspension McNabb threw just one touchdown pass before the inexplicable NFL return of Mike McMahon.

As for the running backs, Jamal Lewis continues to be one of the biggest question marks heading into 2006. For the 2005 campaign, he’s rushed for just 700 yards and 3 TDs. These numbers are puzzling after rushing for 2,000+ yards and 14TDs two seasons ago. Priest Holmes was playing at his normal high level until week 8 when a concussion sidelined him and his season. Stephen Davis’ strong start began to cool as the season progressed. His rushing totals by week after the 3-1 Father Abraham start:

Week 5: 46
Week 6: 27
Week 7: Bye
Week 8: 40
Week 9: 48
Week 10: 81
Week 11: 6
Week 12: 25
Week 13: 8
Week 14: 23

Total: 304 yards in 10 weeks

Then came the wide receiver troubles for Souzek. Joe Horn missed four weeks due to injury and hasn’t been the player of 2004. Anquan Boldin missed a couple of weeks, too. Mushin Muhammad has 692 yards receiving and just 3 TDs thanks in large part for playing the bulk of the season with the worst quarterback in the NFL. Thus the star wide outs were not carrying their part of the load.

After said 3-1 start, Souzek had these difficulties to contend with. FA ended up losing seven games in a row – the second worst string of losses in VUFSA history. During the skid the team never scored more than 90 points while having some of the more impressive point totals posted against them. It would not be until week 12 when Souzek’s team would be able to break the streak, defeating WIRM 99.75-76.50 for their fourth and final win of the season. In the end, FA would be 13 points back in the tie breaker to Big Fat Guys and be destined for 9th place.

Looking ahead to 2006, Father Abraham has many pressing questions and the future less certain than it seemed to start this year (then again that might be a good thing based on how this season played out). Donovan McNabb isn’t going to have the elite and stupid Terrell Owens to throw to anymore, so how will that affect McNabb in 2006? What should Souzek do with Joe Horn or Mushin Muhammad? Both showed flashes of prior brilliance but are their best days behind them? Priest Holmes’ career might be done, and if not, it might be done in Kansas City where Larry Johnson now benefits from one of the best offensive lines in football. Stephen Davis managed score a lot of TDs, but the Panthers have had one of the worst rushing attacks in the NFL and the emergence of DeShaun Foster might push Davis out of the Panthers’ plans. Perhaps the biggest question mark of all is Jamal Lewis whose career has tumbled down the mountain. Will he regain his 2,000 yard form? And if so with what team? Will he stay out of jail? A bright spot for FA is that the team will have the second overall pick to help restructure and rebuild from a disappointing 4-10 2005 season.

Writer's Note: This will be my last piece until at least a few days after Christmas. If you have not and would like to send comments, you can still do so, or if you would like to resend with comical quotes or controversial comments, feel free to do that to.