Power Ranklings

By Eli
Bitter Fantasy Football Loser

1. Madd Skillz: Honest to God, this is the best fantasy football team anywhere in America. I have a hard time believing that any other team, in any other league, is this good. And what's most impressive about this is, looking back, Ed Schillinger had a pretty terrible draft. His first six picks were: the fifth-best tight end in the league, Kevan Barlow, an injured Matt Hasselback, TJ Duckett, Drew Bledsoe and Brandon Lloyd. He had some nice picks with Brandon Jacobs and Philip Rivers, but I think it just goes to show how dominating his group of keepers is. What a bitch.

2. ChamPeons: That's right. Champ is the No. 2. Joseph Addai and Laurence Maroney are tearing it up -- and Champ may now possess the strongest group of WRs in the league. And best of all for Champ, none of his key players are going to take a seat during the playoffs. That quarterback situation is a little disconcerting, as is Iowa's lackluster 2-3 start in basketball.

3. Naj Davenport's Poop: Andy Viano's team is very banged up, now only has one starting running back, and is a few weeks away from its annual ritual of watching Peyton Manning sit down and not give them any fantasy points during the most important time of the year. They drop.

4. The Nihilist Marmot: I'm still at a loss as to how this team name isn't just redundant. Do most marmots have beliefs and ideologies? Would a nihilist marmot actually be some sort of anomaly? I didn't realize that they were generally a bunch of self-aware motherfucking mammals. Anyway, this team is pretty good, despite its stinker of a week. Madd Skillz has to be a little nervous about a Week 14 matchup in which both Indy receivers get to tee off against the Cincy secondary. That is, if they're still on the field.

5. Tice's Partyboat: Still in it, because the players on his team love to score touchdowns. Not bad for a guy who gave up eight weeks ago.

6. Fresh Legs: Yes, you are allowed to be bitter, Baron. Your team should be on the fringe of the playoffs, but instead is out of the race. The good news is that you can look forward to next year, when Carson Palmer will be fully healthy and should throw for 5,000 yards. The bad news is that you probably won't be able to have lunch with him.

7. Who is Ron Mexico?: If the VUFSA gave out a Most Improved Player award, we'd probably give it to someone else besides Tomke. Just because.

8. The Slumpbusters: AR-LEN HAR-RIS! clap clap clapclapclap.

9. Father Abraham: He owns Chris Bosh, and that's something of which we are very envious.

10. Cellar Dwellers: Last league activity: Mon Nov 20 9:46am CST