Random Thoughts for Random People

A breakdown of the pending championship matchup through random thought:

I propose, henceforth, that we refer to the title bout as the "Sean Jesse Memorial VUFSA Super Bowl." It's a bit corporate, but I think it's the right thing to do.

Point, Viano: Todd Heap is expected to start, confirming that he remains the NFL's premier Fantasy Web Site Attention Whore, always being "held out of practice" and being "listed as questionable" but always playing. Point, Partyboat: Fred Taylor's absence mean Maurice Jones-Drew and his 5-foot-2 inches of height (and 12 inches of glorious penis) will be the primary ball carrier.

Quickly, name me the top five players in the NBA. One name you didn't mention is Gilbert Arenas, but when he's on, he's suspiciously amazing. Hibachi! Somehow, he found a way to beat a team that is allowed to play Steve Nash, Amare Stoudamire (even if it's the not-quite-healthy version) and Shawn Marion at the same time. How does that team ever lose? Gilbert Arenas. That's how.

Point, Viano: Partyboat continues to start Mike Furrey. Point, Partyboat: Viano continues to start Cedric Benson. Allow me to submit the idea that if either of these two players goes off, it gives the owner of that player a drastic advantage. Benson against Detroit is the likely matchup in that circumstance, though Viano is banking heavily on that matchup to come to fruition, while players such as Sammy Morris ride the pine.

"...by the way, I was on that partyboat, and it wasn't even one of the 87 craziest night of my life. So let's all get over it for the love of Nick Goings."

Is Brandon Jacobs the keeper he's cracked up to be? A couple fumbles near the end zone has me wondering if that's really the guy they want carrying the ball. If he can't hang on in the most crucial of situations, how can he hang on when he's getting a vastly increased workload? Furthermore, who are Viano's keepers? I see Peyton Manning, Willie Parker, and then a hodgepodge of possibles. Hines Ward, Willis McGahee and Marion Barber seem to be frontrunners, but can't you make the case for Javon Walker, Cedric Benson, Todd Heap or Jerious Norwood?

In nine games against the Houston Texans, Peyton Manning has thrown for 2503 yards and 22 touchdowns. That's an average of 278 yards per game and 2.5 touchdowns (on an average of 22 completions). Even an average day is thus worth 25.5 points. Point, Viano. Michael Vick has also played nine games against the Carolina Panthers, and his numbers are much, much worse (154 passing yards per game, 0.67 touchdowns, 50 rushing yards, 0.44 rushing touchdowns). That's just under 15 points, which isn't the end of the world.

Most likely, Ed Schillinger's team will reach 200 points after a good week of practice following the surprise loss. However, it didn't start on a good foot, with Chester Taylor's bummer of a finish yielding just 5.5 points. If Larry Johnson struggles tonight against Oakland, the groundwork might be in place for back-to-back surprises. Just kidding.

Name one former Miss America. The answer is Vanessa Williams. So when Miss Kentucky was stripped (mmm, stripped) of her Miss USA title because she partied just a little too hardy, she probably followed in Williams' footsteps as becoming a Miss America that people have actually heard of. I just wish I could remember her name right now, so I could prove my point.

How long before Viano changes his "sad hippy" avatar? He looks like Scott Stapp, and I think everyone can agree how upsetting that is.

I don't like the new beta blog. Stupid blogger.

The bottom line for both teams this SJMVUFSASB season: you've got to have heart. And, if you vulture some touchdowns, those won't hurt either. Godspeed, men, and may you forever be known as "The Guy Who Won the League Even Though Ed Had The Best Team." Kisses.