Go ahead and do a Google image search for Jay Cutler and see what you getNFL Week 2 lacks not only the freshness and excitement of Week 1, but it also features a significant drop off in VUFSA Blog writing. Enter me. Damnit, I am rusty.
Wide Receivers struck back after a slow week one, and five kickers put themselves in double digits. Teams 9 and 10 in the preseason poll engaged in an epic duel while teams 1 and 2 desperately tried to outshitty one another. Champ and Tomke took one step closer to world domination, while Eli took one step closer to the ledge.
Brush Limbaugh: 133.25 Unending Hyperbole: 127.50
Just an amazing game between two supposed doormats. Much of the fireworks were provided by the thrilling Denver-San Diego tilt, with 97 points coming from that match. Baron finishes with the 11th most points in a losing effort in VUFSA history.
HYP: Baron, through two weeks, has established himself as a legit contender despite being without the services of a quarterback. A zero from Carson Palmer this week, giving him a whopping 1.75 points on the season. If Baron can fix the QB position (though Jason Campbell probably isn't the answer) there's really no reason to think he can't win 9 or 10 games. Draft afterthought Hines Ward has scored again, while fellow WRs Chris Chambers (18.50) and Brandon Marshall (23.00) were amazing. Darren McFadden (20) showed now why he was worth the #1 overall pick in this year's draft- he's an absolute franchise changing back, who can have a Peterson-like impact on the Brendels if given ample carries. Oh, and Jared Allen almost met his Yahoo projection this week, so watch out.
BRL: An astounding week from Jay Cutler [was/wasn't] enough for the new kid this week, but honestly, he's an outstanding every week play now, and may just be making the leap to superstar before our eyes. Same goes for Chris Johnson (11.50) who is making FatDale White irrelevant. Earnest Graham and Eddie Royal joined Johnson in double digits. Had a huge Monday night, as Marion Barber (22) brought the Thunder, while DeSean Jackson (8.00) provided enough to surpass Baron. Jackson's night could have been better, had he not let go of the football at the one yard line with no one around him.
Match MVP: Jay Cutler. Though Brandon Marshall made up a lot of what Jay did, you cannot deny a 39 point edge at the QB position.
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ChamPeons: 117.50 ChesneysFirmButtocks: 105.25
There was a point on Sunday Night where I thought Viano had like a 90% chance of winning this game. Surely Jason Witten and Patrick Crayton can hold onto a 22 point lead, even against Westbrook and TO, right? Seriously, Monday went as wrong as possible for Viano, as Champ rolled up 5 Touchdowns en route to an easy win.
CHM: Had a subpar Sunday, which saw Justin Gage (11.50) and Amani Toomer (12.00) as two of the team's top three scorers. A zero from a TE, with a below-average Drew Brees (9.50) and Joseph Addai (9.00) made for a miserable 14th when you factor in the Bears collapse. Terrell Owens (17.50) took over the MNF game with two 1st half scores, then Brian Westbrook (28.00) slit Viano's throat, scoring thrice to seal things up. Matt Forte (11.50) remains solid and a worthy first-round pick.
CFB: Had a good day, but sorely misses Willis McGahee. More accurately- misses having his role. Jerious Norwood (2.00) got the nod at RB for CFB, and tallied just six carries against a decent defense. Peyton Manning (12.50) to Anthony Gonzalez (10.50) was solid, as Viano got six guys in double digits. High scorers were Seattle's only survivor Julius Jones (19.00) and Justin Tuck (16.50) who sets a VUFSA high for defenders this week.
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[Censored]: 74.75 G-Rock's Horse Roids: 103.00
I thought about calling this an upset, but I'm sure that Eli would choke me if I did. It's still a suprise, not only that Stem can win convincingly without Tom Brady, but that Eli couldn't break out of his slump. I'm sure he's saving it for me next week.
[expletive]: A windy Sunday night didn't help Ben Roethlisberger, who was being counted on for more than 12 points against the dismal Cleveland secondary. The dismal Browns also led to a small week from Kellen Winslow (5.50). Brandon Jacobs was impressive despite not getting into the end zone, and Donald Driver (11.50) was also a bright spot. Those performances are rendered moot however, as this game was really decided by a pair of Lions. Calvin Johnson had a monster game, while Roy Williams (3.50) disappeared. For all intents and purposes, each of Johnson's touchdowns represented a 12 point swing in the game, burying team [profanity].
GRHR: There's reason to believe that after the death of Tom Brady and LaDanian Tomlinson, the torch has officially been passed to Adrian Peterson (19.00) as the greatest active fantasy football weapon. The aforementioned domination by Calvin Johnson (21.50) looks to be a trend after two massive weeks to start the season. Despite the Lions' air attack, Jon Kitna's point total (13.50) was modest because he goes color blind in the fourth quarter sometimes. Larry Fitzgerald (10.00) had a very nice game, but one can't help but feel was capable of so much more, with real-life teammate Anquan Boldin stealing all of Arizona's scores. Still, the fact that they can both produce simultaneously is good news for Stem. Thomas Jones (8.00) remains serviceable.
Match MVP: Calvin Johnson, not only because he was dominant, but because of his defense against Roy Williams.
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The Sports Hernias: 92.25 Who is Ron Mexico?: 115.00
Tomke wins his first ever game against JR despite a breathtaking performance by the JR wide receiving corps. The win keeps Tomke in first place, but he has fewer points than Baron, so slow that boner, Dave.
TSH: In the preseason, everyone slobbered over JR's receivers, and now we see why. Anquan Boldin (28.00) was amazing, while Reggie Wayne (13.00) and Plaxico Burress (12.50) each scored touchdowns for the second straight week. The problem lies in the backfield, where the corpse of Larry Johnson (2.00) decomposes, slowing up Jamal Lewis (5.50) and Selvin Young (7.50). Weak TE and Flex performances hurt, but the disappointment of Derek Anderson (1.50) is what crippled the herniated ones.
WIRM: Clinton Portis (22.00) and Torry Holt (12.00) find their 2004 selves and pace Dave this week. Reggie Bush (14.50) still sucks at running after handoffs, but is a real impact player in the VUFSA this season. Tony Romo (23.25) continued his ascent to best active Fantasy QB. Randy Moss (2.00) was bad in his first full game with Matt Cassel, and while that's worrisome for Tomke, it's to early to declare Moss' season all but over. That and Jeremy Shockey's (-1.00) shitty were the only things lacking this week.
Match MVP: Anquan Boldin. He was simply amazing in a losing effort.
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Tom Waddle: 82.50 Phil Dawson's Dawgs: 60.00
An ugly, stupid, peice of shit game. Ed sucked barely less than Drew in a game that made us all worse people for having witnessed it.
WAD: Sat three keepers on the bench for this one, watching Bernard Berrian (0.00) and Vernon Davis (0.00) retard up the field. Two RBs didn't finish their game. Did not have a non-QB TD. The only thing that went right (though it went really right) was the decision to bench week 1 superstar Donovan McNabb for Kurt Warner (29.75) who delivered and kept the team afloat.
PDD: There's a ton of bad here. Ryan Grant (2.00) failed to capitalize on his matchup with the Lions, and Laurence Maroney (1.00) was injured mid-game. Four WRs total 8 points. Matt Hasselbeck (2.50) had two late picks. Marshawn Lynch (11.50) has been fine to start the season, but hasn't broken out for a multi-score game, which has to happen soon. This is the lowest output in Wolfman's career, but does not crack the top-10 for all-time lowest scores. Drew has started 0-2 twice before, yet has never missed the playoffs. Don't count him out yet.
Match MVP: None. No one involved will get praise of any sort.
Runner up: Kurt Warner.
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*Edited 9/16 3p
Week Two All-Stars: *which are decided solely on amount of points scored and not Dave's perception of their awesomeness.
QB: Jay Cutler (Welty), 39.00 points
RB: Brian Westbrook (Whitlock), 28.00 points
RB: Clinton Portis (Tomke), 22.00 points
WR: Anquan Boldin (Radcliffe), 28.00 points
WR: Brandon Marshall (Brendel), 23.00 points
WR: Calvin Johnson (Stem), 21.50 points
TE: Tony Gonzalez (Wolf), 10.00 points
W/R: Marion Barber (Welty), 22.00 points
W/T: Chris Chambers (Brendel*), 18.50 points
K: Stephen Gostowski (Gieryna), 13.00 points
D: Justin Tuck (Viano), 16.50 points
D: Patrick Willis (Brendel), 13.00 points
D: Jon Beason (Wolf), 7.75 points
5 comments:
(1) Chris Chambers is not on my team.
(2) How is it that I have dominated the first two weeks of the season and yet have only two all-stars?
(3) The answer is because my team is awesome. It would have been even more awesome if I had started Santana Moss. He might have been an all-star.
(4) Baron's run at being legitimate is about to be ended by Tony Romo and his dong.
I have Anquan Boldin in all three of my godforsaken fantasy leagues, and I lost all three this week.
am I retarded?
I changed my profane team name to something that will offend most of America, instead of just Ed and Drew.
You should have just changed your name to Fuck Balls or something like that in order to censor it. Hilarity.
Funny Zambrano story.
So after the game, we were pouring out of the media room and it was kind of a bottleneck. I was trying to get back upstairs to write the damn story, and this entire gaggle of Chicago media in front of me insisted on shaking Zambrano's hand, since he was to the right of the procession. I suddenly felt obligated to do the same, but when I stuck out my hand, he became distracted by something (shiny?) and totally dissed me. I was so pissed because I didn't even want to shake his fucking hand in the first place, but felt obligated like I was in line to leave church. You can't just ignore the pastor! Then, I got served.
I hate the Cubs. But Hurricane Zambrano is entirely appropriate.
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