Team Preview: Slick

We'll be putting one of these out every day until opening day, with various scribes doing the writing. Expect different styles each time, except with mine, because I can't form cohesive paragraphs and insist on writing everything in some sort of bulleted format.


20 Words or Less : A team with a formidable offense but subpar pitching that needs to fight dormancy to avoid being a doormat.

R: Despite being heavy on middle-order guys, this projects to be a strong category for Hansen, with excellent on-base guys coupled with a few table-setters. 80% of the expected starters scored at least 87 runs last year. Expect: 900-915 runs, 3-6 points*

HR: Six guys produced 26+ last season, and none of them fluky. Torii Hunter will see a regression, but should settle in around the 25 HR mark. Lance Berkman and Jim Thome are two of the most stable power skill sets in fantasy, and should combine for 70 homers. Albert Pujols , if healthy, figures to eclipse 40 again, but backup Carlos Delgado provides power insurance. Expect: 230-240, 3-6 points

RBI: Pujols, Vlad, Berkman and...Lowell? It's not wise to expect another 120 from Mike, but 90 is certainly within range should Adrian Beltre start slow for the 8th year in a row. Will have a big edge at the catcher spot, where Jorge Posada is second only to Victor Martinez in run production from that position. Michael Young is also an elite producer of RBI from the SS position. Expect: 900-910, 4-7 points

SB: Figures to be the strongest category for Hansen, predicated almost entirely on the status and playing time of Juan Pierre. Eli's least favorite baseball player of all-time stole 64 bases last year, and if he's allowed to compile 600 at-bats again, he'll break 60. Brian Roberts will cross 40, making a likely 100 between two guys for Slick. Torii Hunter should chip in near 20, while Beltre and Young are double-digit guys. Expect: 140-150, 8-10 points.

OBA: Another very good column for this club; three hitters should be over .400. Posada, Vlad around .380 and Roberts and Young around .360 offset the low averages of Hunter, Pierre and Beltre. Expect: .363-.368, 5-7 points

W: Middle of the pack, nothing guaranteed. Dontrelle Willis, should he merely not suck worse than last year, will have a chance to win a lot in Detroit, because he piles up innings and stays in games. Clay Bucholz is a guy who's going to get a shot in Boston because of their hurty pitching staff, another fertile ground for wins. Kelvim Escobar won't win another 18, but he's still got a great chance to lead this staff; health permitting. Expect: 85-90, 1-4 points

SV: Rumors are that Joba Chamberlain becomes a starter later this season, meaning there are only two closers on this roster. They're both very good, but it's simply not enough. Can't rule out a savvy wire pick the minute news breaks on any closer situation though, that's for sure. Expect: 65-70, 1-3 points

K: Brett Myers and Chamberlain have the best K/9 on the roster, though they could both conceivable spend time in the bullpen this year, which would spell death for this counting category. No strikeout ace to be found. Expect: 1090-1130, 1-3 points

ERA: Six of the eight starters on the roster reside in the American League. I don't know if there's an actual measurement for that kind of thing, but doesn't being in that league at at least a half a point to your ERA? (Not yours mind you. I doubt any major leaguers are reading this) Gil Meche and Jeremy Guthrie were very good here last year, but expect a regression. A healthy Myers should come in below 4.00, and Joe Nathan is liable to stay under 2.00. Expect: 4.00-4.05, 2-3 points

WHIP: The only starting pitcher kept is an albatross in a major pitching category. I did read in Sports Illustrated that the improvement of his teams defense (read: no more Hanley behind him) this year will improve this category, and I believe it. I don't believe it will improve it to under 1.45, but it will improve. Expect: 1.35-1.37, 1-3 points.

*Don't bother adding up the points because I just looked at last year's standings and put in where my projection would fit in. It has no relevancy to the strength/weakness of other current VUFSA offerings. It's just a fucking guess.

Most Important Player: Torii Hunter. The new Angel has a monster contract and a fragile skill set, with an erratic track record. Still, he's a great four category player when on, and assuming he plays as well after getting paid as before.

Biggest Question: Will Albert Pujols' elbow hold up all year?
Biggest Answer: It'd almost be better if it didn't, and he got surgery early to come back fresh in '09 when Slick has a better chance of competing.

Haiku Summary: Work to do on Arms. Bats much greater than team name. Check at least weekly.

Best Guess Baseball Keepers

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Week 14 Recap: The Hulkamaniacs Win WWF Championship

With a highly competitive group headed to the post season, I want to post a picture of the Hulkster in all his glory while I can.

Whatcha gonna do, brotha? When the 32 inch pythons run wild on youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?

Plaque Talk

Current Procedure: We have three plaques (one fore each sport) with 10 engravable nameplates. Winner of the respective league takes possession of the plaque and their name is engraved on the next plate. $5 of the $25 dues are reserved for plaque maintenance and shipping.

New Proposal #1: Winner of each league will be offered a choice of either 1) an individual engraved plaque or 2) a $15 boost to their existing prize money. Existing plaques will be collected and maintained by Drew at no expense to the league.

New Proposal #2: No plaques, decrease dues to $20.

Post any thoughts you may have, especially if you feel strongly either way. If there isn't sufficient opposition to Proposal #1, that's the direction we're going.

Week 13 Recap

Winners: Ed, Slick, Stem, Champ, Drew.

"This league happened"

Do you know what is exciting? If you said the VUFSA, you are wrong. That's because the four playoff spots are all but nailed down, with 7-5 ChamPeons (Whitlock) holding a major points lead over .500 teams Taste The Happy (Gieryna) and WhoWantsToSexMbaye (Viano) with two games to go. Champ would have to lose both of his remaining games -- coming against The Hulkamaniacs (Wolf) and Mbaye -- to allow one of those 6-6 teams into the four-team fray. That makes his meeting against Mbaye this week absolutely pivotal.

Eliminated teams include Which Bear Is Best (Radcliffe), Madd Skillz (Schillinger), Slick (Hansen) and What's New Pussycat (Brendel). It's a humbling reality for Schillinger and Radcliffe, qualifiers for the playoffs in each of the preceding VUFSA football seasons.

Thom Is A Man-Whore (Stem) and Wolf have locked up playoff spots officially and find themselves jockeying for first place overall, though Wolf's remaining schedule (Romo's 18-Inch Dong, ChamPeons) is far tougher than Stem's (What's New Pussycat, Slick). I'm going on a limb and saying Stem will be our top seed. Dong (Tomke) essentially has a spot locked up with an 8-4 record and gargantuan points lead over the two teams that could theoretically tie him in the standings.

So what happened this week? Shut the fuck up and I'll tell you. I'm goddamned Chipper Jones.

Radcliffe 154.25,

Stem 131.75.

I list this one first because it is listed first among all matchups in Yahoo. It really had no bearing, because both teams sort of knew their destination coming in. But that didn't stop Radcliffe, drunk on Heineken, from having a hilariously good week, backed by recent acquisitions Kolby Smith, Antonio Gates and Plaxico Burress. Fred Taylor has been quietly relevant this year and Brett Favre has the third most points of any fantasy player, which is astounding. Only one player (Shaun McDonald, 1 point) screwed the pooch.

It's not like Stem had a down week, especially from Larry Fitzgerald (24) and even Tom Brady (22.5) after a slow start. Two of his defenders cleared 10 points, however, which is the only reason this matchup was close. Eat it, Stem.

Viano 111.5,

Tomke 84.25.

Speaking of upsets, Viano kept his playoff hopes alive with a big win over Tomke and his Dong. New guy Clinton Portis (3.5) did not look as good as the players he was traded for, but then again, neither did anyone else. Only Donald Driver (12) and Chester Taylor (14) had double-digit performances in support of Tony Romo (17.25) and his Thanksgiving pillage.

Viano got some help from old reliable Peyton Manning (25.50) while he plucked some Falcon feathers on Turkey day, and Greg Jennings (17.50) was one of three others with double digits. Javon Walker going scoreless winds up not affecting the outcome. Viano could probably use a good receiver. Ouch on Cedric Benson.

Hansen 132.0,

Schillinger 100.50.

As if God hasn't hated Schillinger enough this year, a loss to the relocated franchise might be the final straw. A great performance from former Skillzian Chad Johnson (29) proves to be the largest blow, though double digits came from nearly everywhere, including from losers Deion Branch, Earnest Graham, Chris Cooley, Jason Elam and Jay Cutler.

Ed needs a hug. Receivers combine for 18 points, and I'm including the flex receiver. The running back situation, with a backup Vernand Morency getting a special teams tackle to prevent the zero, is even more dire despite the presence of LDT (12) and Steven Jackson (16.5). Ed will be back in contention next year thanks to a keeper brigade that also includes Andre Johnson, Ronnie Brown and Donald McNabb, but it has clearly not been his year.

Wolf 122.0,

Brendel 98.5.

A charming week for Wolf, who remains in the hunt for the top overall seed in the playoffs. Ryan Grant explodes for 20 points and each of the three receivers gets double digits. Laurence Maroney, Grant, Maurice Morris and injured Brandon Jacobs and Marshawn Lynch have to be the least-feared running back collection in VUFSA playoff history, but a lot of those guys will be part of stretch runs for playoff teams.

Frank Gore finally did something, splooging everywhere for 32.50 points. Carson Palmer had a nice day (28) and even Roddy White (14) got involved. And still, Baron did not get 100 points. Leon Washington going negatives, Donald Lee doing nothing and LenDale White doing basically nothing had a lot to do with it. Also, Baron and Santana Moss have done a lot of fucking lately.

Whitlock 131.75,

Gieryna 94.

Again, Eli Gieryna is likely to miss the VUFSA playoffs. Goddamn. Jamal Lewis and Kellen Winslow have respectable days, but it's never okay when the Browns are leading your fantasy charge, I don't care how well they've done this year. Everyone else blew substantial goats.

Meanwhile. Champ has won six in a row and gone from doormat to exceptional team with an upper-hand on a playoff bid. Brian Westbrook, Justin Fargas, Drew Brees, Reuben Droughns, kicker Nick Folk, Joe Addai and Terrell Owens all went for double digits. This team looks more incredible with every passing week. Good work. Everyone hates you.

Week 12: A time to be thankful

Sure Thanksgiving was last Thursday and a distant memory by now, but I figured that I'd use it as a weak theme in this week's recap. Speaking of recaps, thanks for the overwhelming response to my VUFSA writer's ad and for that matter the repeated dues requests. I hate you all. Happy Thanksgiving. (Except JR who wrote but didn't pay dues.)

The Mashed Potatoes and Gravy Game:
ChamPeons: 131.75
Taste the Happy: 94.0

The Champ is on a roll. He's won 6 in a row, averaging 133 points per game during this streak. The victory over Taste the Happy puts them a game up in the win column and about 100 points up in the tiebreaker with just 2 games remaining. We might very well have our 4 playoff teams, and we might very well have our surging champ(eon). Eli will need to win out and gets some help to make that oh so elusive playoff appearance.

What Champ is thankful for:
-The New Orleans offense bringing Drew Brees back to dominance
-A couple Indianapolis running backs
-Justin Fargas beating out Dominic Rhodes and LaMont Jordan in Oakland's backfield
-Priest Holmes' inspiring two game performance
-Cedric Benson's injury giving him another starting RB option
-Brian Westbrook being all of Philly's offense
-Rainy days in Pittsburgh

What Eli is thankful for:
-Kellen Winslow becoming the dominant force in Cleveland's inexplicable offensive surge
-Anthony Thomas' continued relevance during the Marshawn Lynch injury time
-Extra points for offensive players doing some tackling
-Having a schedule that includes Ed, JR, and Drew Bennett. Whoops, scratch that.

The Yams Game:
Which Bear Is Best: 154.25
Thom Is a Man Whore: 131.75

The league's premier team has lost three of four as it back peddles into the playoffs, missing a chance to take the driver's seat for the regular season crown. JR boosts the best 5-7 team in fantasy football, which is kind of like saying that I'm Walgreens best damn chicken noodle soup stockboy in Minnesota. Whoopie! However, this Yams Game featured the week's highest combined score, and probably the year's highest combined score of 286.

What JR is thankful for:
-Can bowl a higher score than his team scored this week
-A new job
-A nice car
-A new apartment
-His real team is 10-1
-Has managed to maintain his own blog longer than anyone else in the VUFSA
-Katherine McPhee and her alternative ending to the national anthem
-The awesomeness of Kolby Smith (27.5) and Brett Favre (29.75)
-Yams

What Stem is thankful for:
-Lloyd Carr is history, as is the Michigan season (until it beats Valpo in a bowl game with some stupid name like "The Yams Game")
-The Lions may stuck, but Kevin Jones and Calvin Jones combined for 17+
-Tom Brady is a stud (22.5)
-23 points from defenders
-An early season win streak that makes playoff qualifying time far less stressful
-The final two games of the year come against teams with a combined record of 6-18
-The returns of Adrian Peterson and Ricky Williams!

The Dark Meat Game:
WhoWantsToSexMbaye?: 111.50
Romo's 18-inch Dong: 84.25

Perplexing performances from two teams seemingly headed in opposite directions. Tomke looked to have a strong play for the regular season title, heading into the game, which only resulted in the week's low score. Viano who has won games this year with victorious point totals of 84.5, 108.25, 72.5, 90.25, and 76.5 put up a season high in a victory with 111.50. On the plus side, WWTSM did manage to continue the incredibly impressive streak of alternating wins and losses since week 3 - something I think I take far more pleasure in than anyone else.

What Viano is thankful for:
-That Javon Walker's 8 play, 0 point performance did not adversely affect this week's outcome.
-Peyton Manning returning to form (25.50)
-A slew of serviceable talent to plug into the flex spot once Jerious Norwood slides into Cedric Benson's RB-3 role.
-Willie Parker managed to not injure himself on the slop Monday night
-That he's still technically in the playoff race despite scoring just 20 more cumulative points than Slick's 3-9 team.

What Tomke is thankful for:
-First and foremost that this disaster of a week happened during the regular season and not the playoffs
-Tony Romo
-Chester Taylor is a quality back-up
-Tony Romo
-That Donald Driver is as good as he's been all season
-Tony Romo
-One win in the last two weeks locks up his first ever VUFSA football playoff appearance

The Pumpkin Pie Game
The Hulkamaniacs: 122.0
What's New Pussycat?: 98.5

A rough week for The Hulkster who found out his wife was filing for divorce via some reporter. Furthermore, Brandon Jacobs, Marshawn Lynch, Lavernaeus Coles, and Santonio Holmes all left his team high and dry with Thanksgiving related injuries. Nonetheless, the team hulked up and overcame a modest performance from the Frank Gore led, What's New Pussycats?. With Baron's last three games coming against the top three teams in the VUFSA, he is making a strong push for the first overall selection in next year's Rob Giancola Draft.

What I'm thankful for:
-That I'm not married to Linda Hogan
-That in one month the crazed Walgreens rush will die down
-That I'm the only owner to make the football playoffs in every season
-That Ryan Grant fell into my lap
-That I used my last draft pick on Wes Welker
-That Ronald Curry did not break up this team's chemistry
-That there are two recaps

What Baron is thankful for:
-Jose Rijo on the Hall of Fame ballot. Again.
-Carson Palmer outperforming Derek Anderson (finally)
-Frank Gore awaking from his season long slumber
-Roddy White. Yes, Roddy White.
-The intimidating duo of Francisco Cordero and Dusty Baker

The Gross Looking Raisin Filled Stuffing Game:
Slick: 132.00
Madd Skillz: 100.50

A stunningly high scoring game that underlined Edwin's season long bad luck in opponent match-ups. Chad Johnson dropped the "M" in swapping sides from MS to S, putting up a serious number against his former team. Edwin has indeed scored more cumulative points than the league's second place team, and Slick has indeed placed Jamal Lewis on the block.

What Slick is thankful for:
-Jay Cutler might be for real and might be worth keeping
-Chad Johnson still has signs of life despite the emergence of perhaps a better wide receiver in Cincinnati
-Inconsistent Marion Barber and Earnest Graham decided to show up this week
-That with 2 games to go, has already eclipsed last season's win total of 2

What Edwin is thankful for:
-Michael Turner
-LT, Steven Jackson, Ronnie Brown, and a mid round draft pick from just about everyone in the league
-Not losing pace in the VUFSA cumulative historical points (for which there is no award but pride)

Week 11 Recap: Help Wanted

Need writers: Won't pay. Submit resumes to VUFSA blog.

Romo's 18 Inch Dong: 165.50 (8-3)
Taste the Happy: 111.00 (6-5)

Tomke has strung together a tidy 3 game win streak in snapping Eli's 4 game row of victories. What was a close contest got out of hand once Randy Moss took the field, catching 12 touchdowns. REID remains within striking distance of a regular season title with games against teams with losing records in 2 of the last 3 contests. TTH slipped into a tie for fourth place with the surging ChamPeons against whom Eli faces next week.

Romo's 18 Inch Dong: 3 players scored over 30 points with Romo (31.50), Moss (35.0), and Chester Taylor (33.50) kicking butt. 3 players scored exactly 10 points - Joey Galloway, Reggie Bush, and Antonio Gates. This is an incredibly balanced team with big time play makers. Tomke should cruise into the playoffs.

Taste the Happy: Much like Tomke, Eli received a very balanced attack with 5 double digit scorers and all 3 defenders up over 7 points. However, TTH lacked the explosive performance as TJ Housmandzadeh's team-high 14.50 simply could not keep pace with the ridiculous numbers put up by Romo and Moss. Eli's season may now be on the line with a huge match-up against ChamPeons that could separate him from Champ by a game or sink a game back with tiebreaker issues down the stretch.

Thom Is a Man Whore: 96.50 (9-2)
Madd Skillz: 93.50 (4-7)

Proving that wins are possible without 1 of his 2 superstars, Stem registered his league leading 9th win of the season, putting the nail in the coffin to Edwin's 2007 VUFSA season. Kenny Watson switching sides, Donovan McNabb's passing, and a weird defender quirk all assisted Stem's narrow 3 point victory.

TIAMW: Tom Brady is the MVP of the league. Last year it was LT, a few years ago it was Peyton Manning, and a long ass time ago it was Priest Holmes. Simply, whoever has the MVP can win with that guy putting up huge numbers. Brady is coming seriously close to breaking 50 points. While scoring just short of half of Thom's points, Brady got just enough help from Larry Fitzgerald (14.0), Kenny Watson (10.0), and Jeff Reed (10.0) to secure the victory. Stem's last 3 games come against the bottom 3 teams in the league. While Adrian Peterson may not be necessary to make the playoffs, or even beat these teams, he must be healthy to proceed deep into the VUFSA playoffs.

Madd Skillz: Donovan McNabb's -3.25 performance was the difference between victory and defeat. An injury sidelined the Philly QB before he could score back the points he turnovered (yes, I made that word up) in the early goings. Even with this downfall, 5 double digit scorers kept the game close (Tomlinson, Jackson, Gould, Johnson, and Hackett). Heading into Monday night, Edwin needed a modest defensive performance to secure the victory but some Yahoo thingy that I don't entirely understand prevented him from playing a defender in the Monday night game.

ChamPeons: 128.50 (6-5)
Slick: 114.00 (2-9)

Champ marches on with playoff resolve. Slick's feisty yet win challenged season likewise continued. Champ ties for the final playoff position with the point tiebreaker on his side. A victory against Taste the Happy next week would give Champ, in effect, a two game lead with three to play. Slick would like you to know that despite no longer being on his roster, Jamal Lewis is on the block.

ChamPeons: Similar to the club Tomke has assembled, Champ has a balanced attack with a few big scorers who can propel this team to the next level. This week, TO surged forward with a 36.50 effort. No skill player registered fewer than 4 points, and Joe Addai and Brian Westbrook took care of business with steady days, 16.0 and 14.5 respectively. The only real weakness could come at the flex spot if Larry Johnson returns, rendering Priest Holmes to the bench. Champ has a slew of average wide receivers that he could plug into the spot, but one more injury could create a significant hole.

Slick: The team cracked 100 points for the fourth time this season, which given the empty plate served to start the season really isn't all that bad. Ray Lewis had a monster game from the defensive side (19.0), and Jay Cutler looked like an NFL quarterback Monday night for a very nice 20.0. Looking to next season, Ladell Betts, Marion Barber, and DeAngelo Williams need to break free of their shared carry situations, but if they do, might prove a nice nucleus heading into 2008.

The Hulkamaniacs: 106.75 (8-3)
WhoWantsToSexMbaye?: 80.25 (5-6)

Team Red and Yellow managed another victory without overwhelming numbers, in continuing to alternate wins and losses since week 5. Perhaps even more impressive, Viano has alternated wins and losses since week 3.

The Hulkamaniacs: Slow and steady wins the race for the old warriors. Just one skill player was below 5 points (Lavernaeus Coles) and yet only one was above 15 (Matt Hasselbeck). Guys with a lot of touches didn't find the end zone - Braylon Edwards 8 catches, Jason Witten 7 catches, Marques Colston 9 catches, Ryan Grant 20 carries. Guys with few touches did score touchdowns - Brandon Jacobs 54 yards rushing, Laurence Maroney 19 yards rushing. Odd. 2 of the last 3 games come against playoff hopefuls for The Hulkamanaics who are banking that 8 games is enough to qualify for the postseason.

WhoWantsToSexMbaye?: Not a pretty week for Viano's squad. Peyton offered only 4 points to the effort. Greg Jennings (11.5) and Willis McGahee (18.0) had productive weeks and Cedric Benson had a productive run (14.5). However, Kevin Walter, Dallas Clark, and Jerious Norwood all were below 3 points. Viano would have to win out to have a shot at the playoffs, but with games against Champ and Tomke, I suppose it's possible if not horribly unlikely.

What's New Pussycat?: 94.0 (3-8)
Which Bear is Best?: 78.0 (4-7)

This game happened.

Week 10 Recap: CC Sabathia makes sure the Indians win something after the regular season

Fortunately for CC, the post season does not count in compiling Cy Young votes. If they did, CC would not have been mentioned, as he was piss poor. Not that I'm bitter or remember that or anything. But this story does transition nicely into tales of early successes turning into late season stresses. And with that, we shall begin with Mr. Stem.

GAME OF THE WEEK!
ChamPeons: 137.50
Thom Is a Man Whore: 74.00

The once infallible Thom has fallen in its last two contests, while Champ continues his midseason meteoric rise. A 60+ point thrashing throws the balance of power, records notwithstanding, into question. Champ has scored 105+ in his last five games and is now one game out of a playoff spot (and a slight lead in the tiebreaker should it come to that). Stem's confidence is shaken and while panic has not grabbed me the way it has him Thom missing the playoffs, the injury to Adrian Peterson indeed is troubling. Troubling like a CC fastball!

ChamPeons: Brian Westrbook has been one helluva an acquisition. Every bit of Philly offense runs through him and this week it did to the tune of 35 points. Had Dwyane Bowe been in the starting line-up instead of Derrick Mason and had a rainstorm not eliminated Joe Addai's effectiveness, we'd be talking about the Heinken performance of the week. That said, Drew Brees' resurgence (17.25), Roy Williams' steady play (17.0), and T.O.'s sexual connection with Tony Romo made for handy plays (21.5 plus foreplay). Even the Priest chipped in from the flex spot (7.5).

Thom Is a Man Whore: I was fairly harsh a recap ago when I lambasted an owner for playing someone who was on bye, but that may have been the better choice this week for Stem. Playboy Tom Brady was off this week, rendering one half of the two-headed monster useless and thrusting Damon Huard into duty. Huard will never start another NFL or fantasy game again, and I'm not even joking. He was really bad (-6.5) and Broydie Croyle (hopefully spelled that right) will take over in KC. Perhaps more concerning is the ligament injury to Adrian Peterson who, depending on who you talk to, will be worthless for some time. With the two studs gone, the first place juggernaut had the second worse score in the league. Stem dealt with this displeasure by being the lead story on this afternoon's 5pm Sportscenter: "An Internet report cites anonymous Athletic Department sources that say Lloyd Carr will be finished in Ann Arbor after this season." Reliable info given the premise.

BITTER HATRED MATCH-UP OF THE WEEK!
Which Bear is Best: 149.50
Madd Skillz: 113.50

I'm not sure why it is, but JR kinda pisses everyone off making every game he's in a "hatred" match-up. Throw in Edwin's bitterness, and you've got mayhem! Edwin cites statistics I'm not bothering to check as JR scoring 40+ more points when playing against Madd Skillz (football version) than any other team. Good information, I'm giving you useless Around the Horn points for that Edwin. You can add it to your third highest cumulative point total that has you in a tie for 8th place.

Which Bear is Best: Looking over the scoring for JR, this team could not have played at a higher level. I'm not sure that WBIB could expect more out of anyone on this roster than was given this week. As such, I'm placing 149.50 as the highest number of points this team can score on a given week. The only argument might be for Shaun McDonald who only put up 2.00, partially because he lost a fumble. But even so, he's the fourth best wide receiver on the team. As with any team in the VUFSA, if every single player shows up, the team is going be incredibly difficult to beat. JR's still got a long way to go to make the playoffs (including point tie breaker issues), but if this high level of performance is a trend (and he keeps playing Edwin week after week), it's a possibility. Hey, it's Lubos.

Madd Skillz: Only once this season has a Madd Skillz opponent scored fewer than 105 points (a game MS lost, and a game I was chided for suggesting he should have won), and the difficult road continued in week 10 as Edwin was matched up against the Heiniken performance of the week. With three losses in a row and a sell off of Chad Johnson and Jason Witten, Ed is hoping for a Baronizing of the same caliber that his 2006 baseball team managed - a blowing up job done so well that a league championship in 2007 was inevitable. However, this formidable scoring team still has meaningful games against Stem and Eli, which could shape the VUFSA post-season. Oh, and my favorite wedding pictures were the ones in which I was present.

THE JON CLAYTON MEMORIAL BOWL!
Taste the Happy: 125.50
The Hulkamaniacs: 92.50

That's 4 in a row and 6 of 7 for Eli. Taste the Happy has moved into the fourth playoff spot having scored over 115 in every game during the win streak. Eli probably has the toughest schedule of any playoff contender down the stretch, and given the history of bad luck involved here, I predict a ninth place finish for Taste the Happy. The Hulkamaniacs took a body slam and showed no pop getting off the mat. It didn't help Jimmy Hart made a bad managerial decision. Stupid megaphone. (If you followed that, you did me proud).

Taste the Happy: Big Ben was a big time get for TH, who had circled through a slew of quarterbacks previous to Roethlisberger (31.75). Double touchdowns and double two point conversions are fun, just ask Hines Ward (15.50). Miami games tend not to get much coverage in Minnesota, but based on statistics, I'm pretty sure that the Dolphins are forgoing a quarterback and just direct snapping to Jesse Chatman (15.5). Torry Holt (10.5) and Kellen Winslo (10) also broke double digits. Do I get my annual, one-time Jon Clayton recap this year? I can't keep doing these recaps with Reginald papers to edit.

The Hulkamaniacs: Disappointing week for the red and yellow. The tight end position has been problematic all season with Todd Heap's disappearance, and the acquisition of Jason Witten garnered all of 1 point. Fearful of a previous injury and the devastating Vikings' defense, I benched Ryan Grant (20.50) in favor of DeAngelo Williams (2.0) in my worse line-up decision of the year (not that it would have mattered). With byes behind the team, a running back crew of Lynch, Jacobs, Maroney, and Grant ready to go the rest of the way, stupid decisions involving Williams and rotating flex backs should be a thing of the past.

THE TWO TEAMS AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE STANDINGS GAME!
Romo's 18-inch Dong: 111.50
Slick: 52.50

Not much of a contest here. A serviceable week for one squad and a forgettable week for the other. Adrian Peterson last week almost scored as many points as Slick's whole squad in week 10. That's something.

Romo's 18-inch Dong: In Romo Tomke trusts. Another 30 point performance by the QB made a lackluster week from the wide receiving crew insignificant. Three running backs (Bush, Jones-Drew, and Dunn) went for double digits, which was all that Tomke needed. Big game next week for REID, which could put Tomke in first place in the league. Overcoming Taste the Happy won't be easy, but should Tomke do so, two of his last three games would be against teams that didn't break 80 this week. It's a possibility.

Slick: The good news is that if I click "optimal line-up" Slick does make it to 70 points. Wait, that's still not good. Slick would like it known that Jamal Lewis is on the block.

THE ACTUAL GAME OF THE WEEK!!!
WhoWantsToSexMbaye?: 76.50
What's New Pussycat?: 74.25

The closest game in the VUFSA was this 2.25 nail biter(?). Everything seemed to be going Baron's way. Cruising along a whopping 70 something points, Baron watched Peyton throw 6 INTs on Sunday night football. Boom! Yet, the 6 INTs meant Indy was playing from behind all night and that more throwing was to be done by Manning who actually finished in double digits despite the negative 18 points accumulated for 6 turnovers. In the end, the difference was Santana Moss' toe itch inactivity and subsequent 0.

Week 9 Recap: You lazy bastards

I cannot physically continue without a VUFSA recap. As such, I have a 30 minute window to complete one for games over for several days. Live with it. I must. Hey, it's Lubos.

Romo's 18-inch Dong: 142.00
Thom is a Man Whore: 122.75

What you need to know:
Adrian Peterson scored 44.50 points. 44.5! Holy crap! And his team still lost by 20! Tomke received double digit performances from 6 dudes including Warrick Dunn. Remember him? In all, the squad was motivated by the return of Tony Romo who put up 26.

ChamPeons: 162.25
Which Bear is Best?: 92.50

What you need to know:
Champ for the second week in a row is the highest scorer, obliterating a Which Bear is Best squad handcuffed by veteran running backs who had bad bad bad weeks. Champ is riding the Drew Brees wave and continues to get stupidly awesome performances from Joe Addai and Brian Westbrook sprinkled with a timely snag in Justin Fargas. Oh, and the Priest starts this week. God loves Champ.

The Hulkamaniacs: 104.25
Slick: 84.25

What you need to know:
Jamal Lewis ran for a bunch of TDs but not many yards. Defenders on bye do not contribute points. Marshawn Lynch learned to throw passes ala LT.

What's New Pussycat?: 84.25
Madd Skillz: 74.75

What you need to know:
Baron backpeddled into an accidental victory, ending Edwin's season as he has decided to "Baronize" Madd Skillz. Donovan McNabb is a ridiculous roller coaster and has been a first round draft disappointment. LT is merely a really damn good running back and not a football god this season. Carson Palmer, Bobby Engram, and LenDale White did just enough to get by.

Taste the Happy: 125.75
WhoWantsToSexMbaye?: 57.00

What you need to know:
Eli cometh. He's won 5 of 6 to move into that 4th playoff spot. Hell when JP Losman gets plugged into the starting line-up, puts up 19, and victory follows, you know your team is on a roll. Viano forgot the NFL was in action this week (perhaps thinking he was on bye) and barely bothered to field a team. Not that it would have mattered, but nothing says top of the line competition like two teams starting players on bye this week. Wait, is this blog even still around? Am I writing to myself? You lazy bastards.