The Slumpbusters: 6-8

The Slumpbusters came into this past season with a seemingly dominant set of keepers and a snazzy new team name designed on breaking the spell of bad luck that plagued the franchise for the first two seasons of the VUFSA. None of that worked.

Keepers:

Clinton Portis
Steven Jackson
Willis McGahee
Torry Holt
Tiki Barber*

Barber was gone long before the season started, and long before anyone else had named their keepers. Marc Bulger took his place, giving SLM three Rams, but a top-3 QB. Clinton Portis was supposed to be the best of the bunch, but his serious injuries at both the beginning and end of the season led to a bitter Eli and a regret of trading away Tiki too soon.

Portis was a huge disappointment, and that was probably the thing that really brought my season down -- his injuries at the beginning and end of the year.

Torry Holt was the runaway #1 WR midway through the season, but his performance tapered off from unreal to very good. Willis McGahee continued to underwhelm until a messy divorce sent him away, which leaves Steven Jackson.

I love Steven Jackson.

Jackson totaled over 2300 yards of offense to go with 16 TDs on the season (and hauled in 90 receptions for good measure.) With the RB spot secure leading up the the draft, it allowed Eli to look for pure talent in the early rounds, which lead to a very good draft.

Round 1: Roy Williams
Round 1: Santana Moss
Round 2: Jeremy Shockey
Round 3: Traded to Radcliffe
Round 4: Tatum Bell
Round 5: Nate Burleson
Round 6: Michael Vick
Round 7: Vernand Morency
Round 8: Ben Watson
Round 9: Neil Rackers
Round 10: Zach Thomas
Round 11: Matt Leinart
Round 12: London Fletcher
Round 13: Lofa Tatupu
Round 14: Roddy White
Round 15: Kyle Orton

Roy Williams and Santana Moss had mixed results as the season went on, but both underacheiving WRs helped land keeper prospects at premium positions, so the sucess of this year's first round probably won't be felt until next season. Shockey, Bell and Vick all had decent sucess at various points, but were all sent packing at some point. Like most teams, there wasn't a great deal of offensive talent after round 6, so it's not worth touching on.

I actually think I had an okay draft. Roy Williams was outstanding, and Tatum Bell was good when he played. Santana Moss and Jeremy Shockey also had their moments. Getting four solid players from a football draft is fine -- since there's so little talent available.

The only game that Eli really wanted to comment on was his record-setting explosion in week 6 against Madd Skillz where literally everyone on their roster went nuts, en route to a ludicrous 187.25 point total. At that point, SLM sat at 4-2 and #2 in the standings.

[It was key] when I beat Ed. Thank God someone did it this season. It was also fun to following that up with an 85 point week and a loss.

After dropping to 80 points in week 7, thanks in part to the curse of Shawne Merriman, Slumpbusters won just 2 games the rest of the way, and began to make the moves that would shape the future of the franchise.

A blistering 44 moves saw a number of smart adds, including a lot of nice injury replacements. I can't see the register anymore, so I'll focus on the big trades from 2006.

-Tiki Barber and a 3rd Rounder for Marc Bulger and a 1st Rounder

-Rex Grossman for Antonio Bryant

-Tony Romo for Ron Dayne

-Michael Vick and a 5th Rounder for Randy Moss

-Maurice Morris and Willis McGahee for Warrick Dunn

-Marc Bulger and Warrick Dunn for a 1st rounder and irrelevant RBs

-Jeremy Shockey for a 4th Rounder

-Roy Williams and Tatum Bell for Laurence Maroney

-Santana Moss for Philip Rivers

A lot of talent changed hands in Eli's deals, as is typical. Though the early moves did not turn out as well as they should have (trading Barber followed by the Portis injury, Romo turning itno a decent player, Randy Moss, Warrick Dunn's mediocrity) the laste 3 deals went strongly in the favor of SLM.

Jeremy Shockey turned into a 4th rounder, and allowed Eli to pick up Chris Cooley off the wire, and Cooley was the better TE in the first place. Roy Williams and Tatum Bell were sent to Champ to downgrade 2 positions for his playoff run for a major RB prospect, and Santana Moss' average season became a talented young QB in the NFL's #1 offense. Poor fortune in the first half actually made this franchise stronger for the long run.

I'm pleased with my late season dealings. I'm sure they won't make a lick of difference next season.

There's reason for optimism in the land of the Gun, with extremely talented, dreadlocked RBs coming back, plus a healthy Clinton Portis- in addition to Rivers and the alway consistent Holt. Also, there are 2 first round picks to be made again.

Drew: Next year's outlook?
Eli: Failure.

Even though nothing seems to go Eli's way in fantasy football land, there's still plenty for the rest of us to fear on this team next season.

The Nihilist Marmot 10-6

JR Radcliffe in all his glory. The fan coming over his head makes him look like he has a little tuft of hair off centered (or a cupcake...yeah, a cupcake, I think it looks more like that), which adds to the overall "wow" effect.

In the three year history of our dear little league, Ed has dominated. But, JR has quietly put together the second most successful run for fantasy football. In 2004, he lost in the inaugural VUFSA Championship Game to Madd Skillz. In 2005, he took third place, losing to Cellar Dwellers in the first round of the playoffs but salvaging a money finish with a victory versus The Blaine Browns. The 2006 season would see Radcliffe make his third straight playoff appearance where he sought out his first football title.

The former I Miss My Pants and The Octagon franchise kept five players, one of whom would be dealt in record time. That man was Marc Bulger who was traded to The Slumpbusters before keepers needed to be named, showing just how eager JR was to have a guy named Tiki on his team. The price was not cheap for Mr. Barber, as Bulger and a first rounder left JR's possession for one of the league's elite running backs. Elsewhere, the Indianapolis wide receiving duo of Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne would survive the season on The Nihilist Marmot's roster, combining for over 180 receptions, 2,600 yards, and 20 TDs. Cadillac Williams was a tremendous disappointment, but THM made something of him in dealing him off for Edgerrin James before sesaon's end. Finally, Tony Gonzalez, a long time favorite tight end of JR's was keeper number five.

I made a horrible, horrible mistake at the end of last season. I willingly traded an injured Brian Westbrook for Fred Taylor and Greg Jones, with a playoff push needed and Westbrook out for the year. I did this because I believed three things, all of which were false: 1) Cadillac Williams would be at least a better running back than Barbie, and would be a tremendous keeper option, 2) That I would need the healthy running backs to make the playoffs (nope) and that they would take me into the championship match once I got there (nope), 3. That keeping a tight end was a good idea. The third one was really the most prolonged moment of insanity that I would ever have. Tony Gonzalez has been really, really solid, far better than many prognosticators expected, but tight end production is worthless compared to the (insert "My precious" Lord of the Rings sound effect) commodity of running backs. I gave up on a stud, and let's face it, if I had Westbrook and Barber (assuming I still made that trade to acquire him), I would be much, much closer to contending for a title.

That said, Reggie Wayne is the second best receiver in football, so he's do-able. Marvin Harrison, even though nobody seems to want him in a trade, has been with me since day one and he's sexually appealing. The move to acquire Barber for Bulger (and then Bulger again, huzzah!) was absolutely mandatory for my success. Cadillac Williams likes men and is thus not do-able.

Round 1: Traded to The Slumpbusters
Round 2: Darrell Jackson
Round 3a: TJ HoushmanIhateJR
Round 3b: Kurt Warner
Round 4: Mike Anderson
Round 5: Antonio Bryant
Round 6: Traded to Fresh Legs
Round 7: Ryan Moats
Round 8: Isaac Bruce
Round 9: Ron Dayne
Round 10: Mewelde Moore
Round 11: Brett Farve
Round 12: Ben Troupe
Round 13: David Akers
Round 14: Terrence McGee
Round 15: Mark Simoneau
Supplemental Round: Jeb Putzier

This really wasn't a very good draft. His number one pick was traded away and those that were kept were used for the likes of Kurt Warner, Mike Anderson, and Ryan Moats. That's before round 8 and the more insignificant picks began. Plus, it's just odd to me that Mewelde Moore would be selected before Brett Farve in any context. At some point in the draft, JR left (something about ponies), leaving yours truly to round out his roster, and I gladly selected Jeb Putzier with the final pick in the 2006 VUFSA draft. Despite two underwhelming keepers in Cadillac Williams and Tony Gonzalez, and a draft that included no meaningful quarterbacks or running backs, JR began the season.

Getting Darrell Jackson in the second round allowed me to acquire one of the most reliable receivers in fantasy football. He may even be a keeper, but updating my receiver portfolio was not really my weak spot.I even got TJ HoushmanihateJR, who was tradeable given my massive receiver corps. The following people made me prefer death to using them in fantasy football: Kurt Warner, Mike Anderson, Ryan Moats, Ron Dayne, Mewelde Moore, Ben Troupe. My god, I drafted the 1976 Buccaneers.

Right away, THM avenged their postseason loss from a year ago. Stem's Cellar Dwellers came a callin' and JR sent them off a poutin'. A quick 113.25-85.75 win put THM in the win column. Due to Yahoo Sports' desire to quickly destroy links, I no longer can tell you who scored what in the game, but I seem to remember Kurt Warner had his one good game all year real early on, so let's just say he had it here.

Likewise, I can no longer look up when certain trades happened (or really who they were even for), but somewhere in the early season JR addressed his seriously lacking backfield by sending TJ HoushmanIhateJR and a draft pick to Tomke for DeShaun Foster. TJ had a pretty good year, and Foster had a so-so year, but considering the need for both teams, it worked out fairly well.

My acquisiton of DeShaun Foster was mostly a loser for me, given that Housh has had a strong season and Foster has not, but running backs are obviously more valuable than WRs.

I disagree. I think it worked out better than you say it did and I'm writing the recap, ass.

Another early season move saw Radmonium bring the long forgotten Travis Henry aboard. When the Tennessee Titans started this season, they named Chris Brown their starter. They also went out and drafted Lendale White in the first round (not bothering to verify that) of the NFL draft. Henry was a pot smoking after thought. But for some reason, most likely because Jeff Fischer likes weed, Henry shifted from practice squad to first stringer in record time. Henry would prove to be one of the best waiver wire selections of the year, going for 1,200 yards and 7 TDs.

It's difficult to thrive in an environment where there are people whose lives are actually less tangible than your own. It's amazing, really. Consequently, when I get lucky with a couple pickups, I count my blessings. Picking up Travis Henry has obviously given me depth at a position at which I otherwise sucked for most of the season, and preying on Willis McGahee's bad luck by snatching up the immovable A-Train brought me a few moments of glee. We're going to find out of DJ Hackett was worth a pickup in the absence of Darrell Jackson's homosexual turf toe.

The revamped backfield, though, would not help The Nihilist Marmot through this stretch of the schedule, which saw THM drop three of four. At 2-3, it was crunch time as Radcliffe had to make a move to participate in the post season. A special plate of brownies later, THM was ready to move.

It helped greatly that Tomke was JR's week 6 opponent. Nothing fires up JR like a matchup against Tomke. For the first time in three weeks JR leaped over 100 points scoring a then season high 120.00 points.

Defeating Who is Ron Mexico? in week six proved my superiority to Tomke, culturally, spiritually, and in terms of manhood. Fuck the fucking fucker.

The next week, THM put up 130.50 versus ChamPeons. The week there following it was 140.00 against The Slumpbusters. The strong scores resulted in three wins and predictions that JR would score 150 the next week and 420 by season's end. Neither happened, but he did keep winning. Wins against Baron and Stem put The Nihilist Marmot at 7-3 and in prime position to leap into the playoffs.

Weeks 11, 12, and 13 were against the three eventual playoff teams. In those games, THM went 1-2, ending their 5 game winning streak. Madd Skillz went ape shit and it doesn't matter much you score in those games 'cause LT just keeps on scoring. The next week, The Partyboat took advantage of a season low 71.25 in handing THM's second consecutive loss (I'd tell you who had a crummy week, but again, Yahoo couldn't even wait until the Super Bowl to make critical info disappear).

Somewhere in here JR acquired Warrick Dunn and Marc Bulger for a first round pick (?) and various insignificant players from The Slumpbusters. While I doubt it happened right before week 13, it makes for a nice storyline as JR sat the team down in the locker room and threatened to show them his chest hair if they didn't turn it around. Warrick Dunn and Company did just that doing 50 points better than their previous effort in an effort to salvage their eyesight. Wins against playoff bound Naj Davenport's Poop and not playoff bound Father Abraham settled THM as the second seed, finishing the regular season at 9-5 and with the second most points in the league.

In round 1, JR went up against the Naj Davenport's Poop. JR lost. I could elaborate, but thanks to Yahoo! that's not a possibility. The important thing here is that JR lost. For the second year in a row, Radcliffe fell to the consolation game. The good news here is that JR won! Yay! Again, no information other than Ed's team was in shambles at this point and JR played well enough to place 3rd.

I dodged significant injury for most of the season, until everyone died at the end. It's a touching tale.

Headed into next season, JR finds himself in an interesting position. He holds the rights to several veteran running backs, one of whom has said he's going to retire. Whether Tiki actually decides to hang it up will go a long way in determining the strength of JR's keepers. Elsewhere, the Colts duo of Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne will certainly return for another year's worth of handling Peyton's balls. Marc Bulger performed well down the stretch and could solidify a position that has been in flux for much of JR's tenure in the VUFSA. Guys like Warrick Dunn and Travis Henry are borderline keepers, but if they are announced as starters come next year, they hold value. And then there's Edgerrin who I won't say anything nice about because I still hold a grudge.

I thought it was pretty bleak entering this season, and it's hard to say how I feel about it now. On the one hand, I took a team that had very little to offer in keepers and made it a playoff team. On the other, I still don't have running backs that light up the night sky and I don't have anyone who will legitimately make a difference with Tiki Barber stepping aside to speak into microphones, make fun of the Giants and fuck bitches. I guess I like my ability to build a team and perform well, but it's hard to be overwhelmed with a tentative keeper five of Bulger, Dunn, James, Harrison and Wayne. Maybe I should keep Darrell Jackson. Or what the hell, Tony Gonzalez? Don't retire Tiki Barber. I will poison Tom Coughlin's coffee for you.

Who Is Ron Mexico: 4-10

A lack of the above field magician has undoubtedly hampered Dave Tomke's ability to win a ton of games in his first two VUFSA seasons. However, as the season wore on young David would find himself a different mildly talented QB to salivate over and eventually, lead his team. To take over the team, all young Romo had to to was hold onto the football overtake one of Dave's lackluster-est keepers.

The list:

Eli Manning
Chester Taylor
DeShaun Foster
Braylon Edwards
Michael Clayton

Manning was the only player at the time of keepage that seemed to be a sure bet to perform at a high level. He did have his fair share of solid games, but for the most part was a tremendous disappointment. Chester Taylor was a serviceable back who did his best work in games when he reached in the end zone- and those didn't happen very often. Taylor was shipped out relatively early in the season for Kevan Barlow and a 3rd round pick. DeShaun Foster, who was quietly quite terrible this season, saw a similar fate, moved out of town for a lower (4th) round draft pick but a much better player (TJ Houshmanzadeh). Braylon Edwards didn't do a ton, but that can be blamed almost 100% on a miserable Cleveland Browns offense. Michael Clayton was (and still is, presumably) miserable.

I'm going to go ahead and say that Michael Clayton is the biggest piece of shit in the league. If he got hit by a bus and died, I would probably start planning a "Michael Clayton got hit by a bus and died" party.

The draft portion of our program was much kinder to WIRM, especially early.

Round 1: Reggie Bush
Round 2: Traded for Michael Vick in 2005
Round 3: DeAngelo Williams
Round 4: Deion Branch
Round 5: Chris Cooley
Round 6: Muhsin Muhammed
Round 7: Chris Perry
Round 8: David Givens
Round 9: Jake Plummer
Round 10: Ernest Wilford
Round 11: Mike Vrabel
Round 12: Lawrence Tynes
Round 13: LaVar Arrington
Round 14: Mark Clayton
Round 15: Verron Haynes
Supp Rd: Boss Bailey

The biggest thing taken away from the draft is clearly Reggie Bush. Tomke, understanding what a struggle it would be to contend this season, took a man who is sure to be an outstanding all-around player in the NFL, and has a ceiling as high as a Bengal.

I like Reggie Bush, because I was not drafting him to carry me this year, rather, I was taking him for his future abilities. He didn't disappoint me, so fuck whoever voted for him as the year's biggest disappointment.

The selection of DeAngelo Williams was a good move, not just because Dave already had DeShaun Foster, but because the talented rookie would be a sought after RB this year, the centerpeice in a deal that would eventually bring Ronnie Brown on board. (a theme through Dave's response e-mail) Once Deion Branch hit the field, he was quite good, and Chris Cooley had a decent season, but his awful start combined with Bullshit McCheatyPants locked in at TE meant Cooley would have his decent moments elsewhere. Muhsin Muhammed was also a good value in round 6, turning in a better season than at least 3 WRs taken one round ahead of him (those three being Antonio Bryant, Nate Burleson and Joe Jurivicius.) After round 6, there wasn't a solid starter to be found.

I don't really remember anyone else that I drafted, and most of them probably aren't on my team anymore.

The start of the season saw an 0-6 start for WIRM, a worse mark than their previous expansiony incarnation. In two of those losses, however, Tomke's charges topped 100 points, each a new high point for the franchise. Come week 7, Team Fake-Aquafina-Bottle got into the win column at the expense of the hard-luck Father Abraham squad. From that point on, it was .500 football for The Mexicans, winning 4 of their last 8, including identical 121.50 point explosions, each a franchise high. The second outburst (a loss, and Reggie Bush's first monster game as a pro) is still fresh in Tomke's mind, but he has no regrets.

I wish I would have beaten Ed, and if I had started Eli Manning over Romo, I think I would have. Even though I would have won, looking back, I would have made the same choice. I'm a Romosexual.

The last week of the season, Dave had his chance to play spoiler, and managed a respectable 98.25 points in a loss to Tice's Partyboat that allowed TPB into the playoffs, where TPB would become league "champs."

(Does putting champs in quotation marks make me sound like a jealous asshole? Does it give merit to the assumption that I haven't written recaps to this point because I'm depressed/unshaven/insane/homeless/bitter because of my playoff demise? I'm not, but whatever, I'm keeping it.)

Ever the mover, Dave made 50 transactions this past season, most notable being the league's two biggest suprises: Marques Colston and Maurice Jones-Drew. Colston's impact would have been enormous under ordinary circumstances, but his TE eligibility magnified his stellar rookie campaign. It's a shame that a late karma-induced injury slowed his season and cost him ROTY honors when he was running away with it for 11 weeks. Jones-Drew's biggest impact did not come on the roster of WIRM, but Dave was the first one to jump on the Midget during his breakout game in week 3 against (suprise!) the Colts weak-ass-about-to-be-pounded-by-the-best-RB-tandem-in-the-playoffs Defense. Still, MJD was half of the deal that eventually led to Ronnie Brown. Dave also made a nice pickup in Vince Young, who finished with just 16 fewer points than Eli Manning despite starting three fewer games. Jason Taylor and Jeff Wilkins were excellent special teams pickups.

I wish Frank Gore would have died, because Michael Robinson would have been the best pick-up ever, since he would be a running back starting at wide receiver. Maybe Reggie Bush will have wide receiver eligibility next year. I would get a boner.

Dave's future mate has high standards of arousal to meet.

Arguably the league's most active owner had his say in more than a few trades this year, just about all of them involving keeper prospects or draft picks. Some of the biggies:

-DeShaun Foster for TJ Housmandzadeh and a 4th rounder

Eat balls, J.R.

-Maurice Jones-Drew and DeAngelo Williams for Warrick Dunn and Chris Brown

-Chester Taylor for Kevan Barlow and a 3rd rounder

I guess if I had to take one trade back, it'd be the one where I gave Chester Taylor to Ed...I definitely think Ed came out on top.

-Warrick Dunn for Willis McGahee and Maurice Morris

-Willis McGahee for Ronnie Brown and a 5th Rounder

The last deal has to be the most significant, as not only did Dave get the better keeper, but a nice draft pick to wash it down with. Brown will certainly be a building block for a team that Tomke sees making a big leap next season. I share Tomke's optimism- based around three things: 1) a solid keeper crew 2) his success in the early rounds of this past draft 3) a number of extra high-round picks. It's a budding playoff contender, a nightmare for us all.

[This year] looks a lot better than this year or last year. Bush and Brown give me a good one-two punch at running back. I really wish I could have pushed that Cedric Benson trade through, because having three good, young running backs is definitely a good thing. Marques Colston and Braylon Edwards will probably be two keepers, and the fifth spot will either be a quarterback or T.J. Houshmanzadeh. Hopefully, I'll be able to make something out of my second-overall pick and the three extra first-five round picks that I've acquired through the year. My draft next year will probably define how the entire season goes.

Boners.

What we thought they were

Now crown our asses.

Madd Skillz 13-3

Edwin celebrates with Drew peering ominiously over his shoulder. Truly a telling microcosm of Ed's ridicuously successful, celebratory worthy regular season with a dark presence awaiting in the postseason. But let us begin where all recaps should, with the keepers coming into the season.

Now, Madd Skillz has had unprecedented success in VUFSA football. As much as the Bears fan would love to compare himself to the Packers, Ed took the first two championships ala Green Bay in Super Bowl I and II. Not only had Ed won, he had taken steps to ensure a third straight crown. In the waning days of the 2005 season, he sent off Brian Westbrook to Big Fat Guys for Baron's first round selection in 2006 (and really what a problem to have: not enough room for Westbrook on your playoff roster). Thus, Ed would start 2006 with five keepers and two first round picks. Not too shabby.

LaDanian Tomlinson. Phenomenal. 28 TDs rushing. 3 TDs receiving. 2 TDs passing. Single season TD record. 1,815 yards rushing. 56 receptions. He had the greatest fantasy season of all-time. Amazing.

I can't say anything about LDT's season that hasn't already been said. He was great.

Larry Johnson. There are very few scenarios where Larry Johnson is the second best player on a team, but this is one of them. Johnson had a spectacular season lost only because we were all oogling over LT's weekly boost to Edwin's point total. Johnson had 19 touchdowns and only 26 fewer yards rushing than Tomlinson. Herm Edwards' game plan, especially with Trent Green out, consisted of giving LJ the ball every play. It was an effective game plan both for the playoff bound Chiefs and for Madd Skillz, too.

Larry Johnson was another slow starter, but I can't possibly be upset with anything he did. Herm Edwards, who tried to murder him slowly as the season went on, I do have a problem with.

Rudi Johnson. Really lost in this tremendous running back line-up is Rudi Johnson. This is an RB-1 on half the teams in this league and yet he was third best on Madd Skillz. 1,309 yards on the ground and 12 TDs is nothing to scoff at. Yeah, I saw you scoffing.

Rudi Johnson continues to underwhelm me during the season, but I'll look back at his line from the season and wonder why it always feels like he's having a subpar game.

This trio consisted of three of the top eight running backs in Yahoo. Combined, they scored 64 TDs and rush for just under 5,000 yards. Unfreakingreal.

The wide receiver keeper options were really quite good as well.

Chad Johnson. While a wee bit inconsistent fighting for balls that went TJ Houshmandzadeh and Chris Henry's way, Chad still managed to league the league in receiving yards (1,369) while going for 7 TDs.

Chad Johnson was very mediocre until a mid season explosion, but even after that he couldn't be counted on amongst the Bengals tremenous receivers.

Steve Smith. Actually rated higher than Cinco Ocoho by Yahoo. He missed several games due to injury and worse yet, Chris Weinke starts. Regardless, 83 catches for 1,166 yards and 8 TDs is a terrific season line.

Steve Smith was banged up the first two games, and was never really the same as he was last year, but he was still good for seemingly a TD a week whenever Chris Weinke wasn't involved.

Round 1: Antonio Gates
Round 1b: Kevan Barlow
Round 2: Matt Hasselbeck
Round 4: TJ Duckett
Round 4b: Terry Glenn
Round 5: Drew Bledsoe
Round 6: Samkon Gado
Round 7: Brandon Lloyd
Round 8: Brandon Jacobs
Round 9: Kellen Winslow
Round 10: Philip Rivers
Round 11: Mike Vanderjagt
Round 12: Ed Reed
Round 13: John Abraham
Round 14: Wali Lundy

With a superstar group of running backs and wide receivers, Ed used Baron's first rounder to secure the league's best tight end (love those spandex). Antonio Gates started slowly and was on the trading block for half the season, but ended up finding a comfortable home with Edwin's Empire. By the end of the year, his 71 catches and 9 TDs would surpass even bullshit cheater Marques Colston's Yahoo stats for top TE honors.

With the tenth overall pick, Ed grabbed his flex back - Kevan Barlow. Into all of our lives, a little rain must fall and falleth it did in the form of Barlow. With plenty of better backs to go for, Ed passed for a New York Jet. Seriously though, Barlow did nothing to hurt Madd Skillz. He spent four weeks with Ed, getting three starts. In those starts, he scored 4 TDs before he was masterfully dealt with a draft pick for Vikings' running back Chester Taylor.

I went away from my draft board on my very first pick when I drafted Kevan Barlow over Laurence Maroney in the first round. I prepped for a week only to ignore it all and make a legendary screw up.

Entering the second round, Ed had only two positions left to fill in his starting line-up, WR-3 and quarterback. With the latter much more crucial, he made a move with Tice's Partyboat to snag Matt Hasselbeck before The Nihilist Marmot (also without a QB) could. Hasselbeck did modestly as QB having some spectacular weeks and some Spurgeron Wynn-ish efforts. He found himself mired in a QB controversy of sorts with Drew Bledsoe (5th rounder) based on match-ups before Bledsoe eventually lost his job in Dallas, which was about the time a Minnesota (!) player rolled over his leg costing him several weeks due to injury.

For the 3rd straight season, I drafted Matt Hasselbeck only to have him ride the bench for all but 3 weeks of the season.

The rest of the draft had more ups than downs. Ed, probably better than anyone else, snagged late round steals before their potential was realized. Brandon Jacobs in round 8 became a centerpiece in a deal that would later bring Drew Brees aboard. Kellen Winslow in round 9 led all TEs (Colston again included) in receptions, and it wasn't close (by 16). Philip Rivers in round 10 was not used but could be the next Carson Palmer when all is said and done. Ed Reed and John Abraham are two of the better defenders in the league when healthy, and Ed's final pick of Wali Lundy left us all scratching our heads at the time only to find he would be starting in Texas, with the soon to be Domanick Davis-Williams refusing to play any form of professional sports while affiliated with Father Abraham. In all, one of the most well rounded drafts in the league.

My best feeling after the draft came from the RB depth I had stocked: TJ Duckett, Samkon Gado, Wali Lundy and Brandon Jacobs. Duckett was going to get some time in the Washington backfield, Gado (my post-draft favorite) was just one Ahman Green slip up from a starting job, and Lundy already had one. Actually, the backup RB I was least excited about was Brandon Jacobs. None of the first three backs mentioned did a damn thing this season, and the one I tried frantically to trade ended up the best pick of them all. I also was pleased with Philip Rivers and Kellen Winslow in the late rounds, two players I very specifically targeted, though neither would make an impact on my team. I got Antonio Gates too, and he was pretty good too. None of this really matters though, because Barlow invalidates all the work I did.

I feel that this is also an appropriate time to analyze a few of the waiver wire transactions made over the course of the season.

This was the first year that I really felt my work taking away from my ability to get good players off the wire. Maybe everyone was just more attentive this year, or maybe it's the full impact of expansion, but I didn't pluck one meaningful offensive player off the free agent heap this season. I did build an exceptional K/D group off the wire, getting Robbie Gould, Adrian Wilson and London Fletcher-Gieryna during their bye weeks.

Oh, you understate, Edwin! You left out a couple transactions, didn't you? While he made 36 moves, I think 2 of them are worth noting. On October 8th, Ed picked up Joey Harrington. We all know how Ed's season ended. I think that the cancer that is Joey Harrington cannot be underestimated in his eventual falling. Sure Harrington never played a snap for Madd Skillz and in fact was only on the roster for just over four hours (10:15AM-3:08PM), I fully blame Harrington. Perhaps sensing the bad karma, Ed made another waiver pick up a month later on Novemeber 7th. Jerome Bettis, a fat retired broadcaster, was signed as a publicity stunt to bring Earl-esque happy karma aboard. Not even The Bus, though, would do enough to offset the disastrous four hours that composed The Joey Harrington Era.

Alright, with that off my chest, I'm going to back to my overall theme that this is the best fantasy football team ever assembled only to have something utterly unthinkable happen at the end.

So with the best group of running backs, the top tight end, and arguably the best draft in the league, Madd Skillz looked poised for a three-peat. An indeed, they positioned themselves for just that winning the first five games. Included in those victories were two over eventual playoff opponents Tice's Partyboat and The Nihilist Marmot. Perhaps scariest of all were some of the point totals. In those five wins, two of them didn't crack 100 points and two more didn't top 120. The Empire was just warming up, and yet they were still winning.

Week 6 would be the one regular season blemish on Ed's otherwise overwhelmingly successful run. The Slumpbusters would hand Madd Skillz their lone loss in an unprecedented 187.25-160.50 slugfest. It took a record number of points to beat Ed, who managed the most points of any loser ever. Individually, LT went for a mere 37.50 and Joe Horn 20.00 in the loss. By the way, Hasselbeck was on the bench with a 29.75 with Brandon Jacobs beside him with an 11.50. Who scores 160+ and still has better options on the bench? Crazy shit there.

In week 7, the first dents appeared in the armor. The platooning QB situation of Hasselbeck-Bledsoe rapidly fell apart. As mentioned, Hasselbeck went out injured and Bledsoe watched Romo-mania run wild, brother! Just like that, Edwin found himself without a quarterback. What he did find was a desparate owner who was building for next season and was willing to move his keeper, Drew Brees. After a series of mammoth long e-mail negotiations, Ed and I hacked out one of the biggest blockbuster deals of the year.

To Madd Skillz:
Drew Brees
Lance Briggs
Drew's 9th rounder in 2007

To Tice's Partyboat:
Brandon Jacobs
Kellen Winslow
Michael Pittman (?)
Ed's 6th rounder in 2007

To get Brees, Ed traded away his depth at two key positions, but he lost no starters, keeping the juggernaut in tact. Brees had played well enough to warrant his keepership for Tice's Partyboat, but it was not until he gelled with the offensive weapons found on Madd Skillz that he found his true stride.

Week 8: 21.00 points
Week 9: 30.00 points
Week 10: 21.75 points
Week 11: 22.25 points
Week 12: 23.25 points
Week 13: 14.25 points
Week 14: 43.50 points

Not too bad when, again, considering it cost Ed 0 starters.

Can I just call it "from week 8 on?" After losing both of my QBs in week 7, I pulled the trigger on the Brees/Brandon masterpeice and the team took off with Drew at the helm, topping 170 in 5 of the 7 succeeding weeks, and bottoming out at 131.00. (the league average was 105.) It was during that stretch that Madd Skillz peaked way too early and lead to an early playoff exit, which is pretty key.

After the week 6 bump against The Slumpbusters it was back to business for MS. They would not lose again in the regular season going a perfect 8-0 the rest of the way, including two more victories over future playoff opponents Tice's Partyboat and The Nihilist Marmot. But these were not just wins, they were dominations. The lowest score during this 8 game stretch came during week 13 when the team "dipped" all the way down to 131.00. In 5 of those wins, Ed was up over 170 points. 1 freaking 70, people. This is a league where cracking triple digits is considered a good week. The 2,032 total points is a league wide record, where no other team managed a top 10 year. He averaged 145 per week, which is 40 more than the rest of the league's average and, oh yeah, only two teams all season managed 140 points in any one week (Eli's week 6 outburst as was mentioned and Champ in week 12 versus Baron). To top it off, MS won two games by 90. Yes, 90. He knocked off Cellar Dwellers 172.75-80.75 (92 difference) in week 8. The other opponent? Week 10, 176.75-83.25 (93.5 difference) against Tice's Partyboat.

The greatest team ever assembled rolled, coasted, cruised, sailed, napped its way into the playoffs. The 1-4 game saw Madd Skillz take on the aforementioned Partyboat who it mutilated a month prior. In fact, in the two match ups during the regular season, Partyboat's two games combined would not have been enough to defeat Madd Skillz week 10. Ed had proven himself 118.75 better than I, cumulative in the two match-ups. For an upset to happen, absolutely everything right would have to go TP's way and everything wrong would have to go MS's way. After all, Yahoo had Madd Skillz as a 52 point favorite, and even the usually more accurate ES-EG ratings system had the game at a comfortable +22 margin. What could go wrong?

For starters, a Thursday night game that saw the Atlanta Falcons take on the Dallas Cowboys. Both TP and MS had one player going on this evening. Terry Glenn put up an average score of 6.50, but Michael Vick the inconsistent TP QB had his highest effort of the year, 37.00 (3 of which came on a fumble recovery). A slow start for Madd Skillz but certainly not one his all-star line-up would not be able to overcome once Sunday rolled around.

But then scores began rolling in and everyone was having their worst week at the same time. Drew Brees whose awesome numbers have already been outlined phoned in a 6.25, 0 TD game. Steve Smith suffered through a 5 catch, 4.50 performance. Chad Johnson offered a measly 2.50. Chester Taylor back from an injury couldn't find running room against the nasty New York Jets defense, squeaking out 38 yards rushing (3.00 points). Rudi Johnson had his usual 14.00 point week, but in a week where everyone else was struggling, it was looking to be too little.

All was not lost, however, as the big guns were set to play Sunday night in a huge Kansas City-San Diego showdown where Ed would send his league leading tight end and the two best running backs in the VUFSA. Those three could make up any defecit on good weeks. LaDanian Tomlinson did his very best rushing for 199 yards and 2 TDs in a typical 31.50 outburst. However, all the touches Tomlinson received meant Antonio Gates was a non-factor catching 1 ball for 7 yards in Philip Rivers' worst outing of the year. Larry Johnson could only muster 84 yards on the ground, and most critically, no scores. Final tally? A 10 week low of 106.00 points. Vick's 37 Thursday night and Maurice Jones-Drew's solid Sunday (18.50) would lead Tice's Partyboat highest point total of the season, 142.50. The end result was the biggest VUFSA shocker ever: 142.50-106.00.

How nuts was this win? It brought Jon Clayton back to the VUFSA board to offer playoff analysis after a Peruvian vacation that made the initial Minnesota Partyboat seem like an 8 year-old's birthday party.

I heard you've got a championship shindig this weekend, so I wanted to burst in here and give my two cents worth on what will definitively happen. Obviously, Madd Skillz will demolish you all and win his third consecutive football title.
....
What? Are you serious?
What the fuck?
Well, there goes my scouting report.

You know it's a big deal if it catches Clayton off-guard. Stunned and saddened, Madd Skillz fell into the consolation game. In it, the top seeded MS found themselves up against the two seed, The Nihilist Marmot, who was also upset in first round action. While MS fielded a team, their heart was never there having had it crushed the week before. Owner and coach Ed Schillinger wasn't even at the game, instead wandering the aisles of a nearby Walgreens with only a grey management smock on, mumbling the words to Feliz Navidad.

Obviously affected by the lack of leadership, Steve Smith didn't do a damn thing, putting up a goose egg. Chad Johnson outdid even that going negative (-0.50). That gave the keeper duo a combined 6.50 points in two playoff games. Eesh. Terry Glenn stumbled across a single point (half of which was the always popular, "tackle solo"). Antonio Gates and Chester Taylor continued their playoff push with single digit efforts. Drew Brees decided to watch his former team in the title game instead of playing for his current one (11.25). Even LaDanian Tomlinson underachieved stating he was tired of carrying these bastards, contributing a modest 12.50.

All totaled, the squad came up with only 94.50, the lowest since a week 3 win against Father Abraham. However, The Marmot would do slightly better than FA, coming up with a 116.00 effort on the backs of Marc Bulger (39.25) and Marvin Harrison (21.00). It would be time for Radmonium and again Edwin had been done in by a hot quarterback and an underachieving roster of superstars.

Madd Skillz's season really has to be cut in two. On the one hand you have the most dominant team in history. This team put up records that will be untouched for many seasons and had no peer in terms of competition. On the other hand, you have a tremendously disheartening postseason where the team lost more than they did during the entire regular season. It's hard to label the season as either a success or a failure, as a result.

But we must always forge ahead! Reports out of Indianapolis have Ed wearing a tie and a nametag with his smock (still no pants, but we're making progress) and swearing vengeance for 2007 (no word if he's found a computer for all of us odd numbered placed finishers). The group coming back will look strikingly similar to the one that did this season, and why would you change? LT and LJ are #1 and #2 on the running backs chart. Rudi will be back with his quiet double digits. Despite his late season disappearance, Chester Taylor is looking to sure up the flex spot. Steve Smith or Chad Johnson will be back for what will hopefully amount to a better late season performance than this year's. Another strong draft will be a necessity as next season Ed will not have the extra first rounder to start off, and he traded down picks in deals to acquire Chester Taylor, Drew Brees, and Mewelde Moore (really?) this past season.

(Next year's outlook) looks fine, though not as bright as this season was, and that may be a good thing. I'm short a 3rd rounder, but I probably won't have to stretch for a flex back early, preventing another Barlow-esque blunder. I'm throwing a lot of talent back into the draft pool, and most of it will be gone before i pick (Antonio Gates, Drew Brees, Steve Smith or Chad Johnson) so I'll have some work to do in the first two rounds. I still have LaDanian Tomlinson and Larry Johnson, so I should be competitive.

Naj Davenport's Poop 10-6

Andy Viano took to 2006 with an above average group of keepers, and he molded a team that would run all the way to the VUFSA Championship Game.

The superstar quarterback, Peyton Manning, had another spectacular season going for 4,397 yards and 31 TDs. He would lead NDP in scoring 7 out of 15 weeks he played proving this league is not all about the running back.

Peyton Manning - Tremendous ass clown who continues to carry team.

Ronnie Brown missed more games than Viano would have liked due to injury, but when he was healthy and clean, he was running for 1,008 yards.

Ronnie Brown - Overrated jerk. Smells bad. Plays for offense that can't do anything and is quarterbacked by gayest man this side of Tony Romo. Traded for guy who also sucks, but happened to not be injured at the time.

Forget The Bus, Willie Parker found the end zone 16 times this year with a few 200+ rushing performances to boot (ie games against Cleveland).

Willie Parker - Fast. Looks pretty in white pants. Sucks for long periods of time then runs for 200 yards for no real reason.

Hines Ward had exactly the same number of receiving yards in '06 as '05, but scored 5 fewer touchdowns rendering Viano unhappy and culturally diverse.

Hines Ward - Has a Korean mom. I just learned this recently. Fascinating stuff. Hurt himself going to Korea too often in the preseason, a huge disappointment. Needs to score a lot of touchdowns...His quarterback is a redneck.

And finally, Andy decided to break football rule number 1 by keeping a tight end. Todd Heap, though, did have the fourth highest point total among TEs (Colston so not counting) and was healthy enough to take Viano's mind off of the position.

Todd Heap - Makes me smile. First time I've ever had a tight end who actually played all the time. Owes his success to his head coach, the smartest man ever to walk the earth.

On to the draft!

Round 1: Mike Bell
Round 2: Cedric Benson
Round 3: Javon Walker
Round 4: Marion Barber
Round 5: Joe Jurevicius
Round 6: Matt Jones
Round 7: Jerious Norwood
Round 8: Byron Leftwich
Round 9: Duce Staley
Round 10: Samie Parker
Round 11: Greg Jennings
Round 12: Jason Elam
Round 13: Aaron Schobel
Round 14: Terrell Suggs
Round 15: John Henderson

Keeping just two running backs, Viano steadied the backfield - or so he thought - by going with Mike Bell in round 1 and Cedric Benson in round 2. Bell looked to be the soup du jour in Denver where Mike Shanahan is contractually obligated to name a different starting running back each season. Mike would soon lose out to Tatum then regain the starting job just in time to be deactivated in one of the most confuisng fantasy situations of the season. Cedric Benson did a slightly better job than Thomas Jones in the "please let the other guy start" merry-go-round in Chicago. By the end of the year, however, Benson had worked himself into the dreaded fantasy platoon with potential for 2007. As for '06, Benson did ok going for 647 yards and 6 TDs.

Javon Walker started the year super hot before cooling with Jay Cutler at quarterback. Marion Barber's average line read 6 rushes for 26 yards and 2 TDs. Joe Jurevicius got himself hurt just in time to miss early games, leading to a Naj Davenenport Poop cutting. Matt Jones is white, and Jerious Norwood is black. One was a better draft pick than the other. Neither Andy or I am exactly sure who Samie Parker is, begging the question if Rob Giancola will be drafted next year since we've at least heard of him. Oh, and remember when Duce Staley was semi-relevant? Yeah, me neither.

Highs - Drafting Marion Barber III, underrated dirty cheater. Drafting Cedric Benson, Ricky Williams wannabe. Drafting Jerious Norwood, future Michael Vick apologist. Not drafting Tony Romo, homosexual.

Lows - Mike Bell sucks. And his coach is a wiener. Drafting Javon Walker, also coached by wiener and whose quarterback monster is unpleasant. Watching Joey Cleveland get hurt, then get healthy, then get resigned by me. Being proud for drafting Matt Jones, great wideout who can't catch a football. Drafting Duce Staley, who has since retired. Drafting Byron Leftwich, who might as well retire. Drafting Samie Parker, I'm not 100% sure who that is. Drafting Aaron Schobel, who I recently signed and didn't remember was ever on my team. Apparently he's leading the NFL in sacks.

NDP weakly started the season. They wallowed in mediocrity coming out of the gates 1-2. The two losses were close, a 0.75 defeat against ChamPeons and a 3.25 loss versus The Slumpbusters, suggesting that this squad was not far away from clicking. From week 4 on, they did just that. Viano would win 8 of his next 9 to establish himself as a top contender in the league. Also in 8 of 9, the poop would crack 100 points establishing himself as the number two team in the league and most likely threat to knock off Edwin's Empire.

The two teams had a showdown in week 9 that looked to be a preview of the VUFSA Championship Game. The squads nearly managed to crack 300 combined points, but in the end, Madd Skillz came away victorious, 158.00-135.75. Despite the loss, NDP came up with what would be their highest point total of the season and things looked good. Peyton had his customary 20 points. The receivers played well with Hines Ward up over 125 yards receiving, Javon Walker with 3 TDs, and Greg Jennings was present. Perhaps more importantly, NDP's running backs were all getting touches. Mike Bell got playing time in Denver, Marion Barber was beginning to supplant Julius Jones, and Cedric Benson fought his way into the Bears' line-up. The split-time backs when coupled with the strong play of Ronnie Brown and Willie Parker gave Viano the opportunity to play match-ups, survive bye weeks, and substitute injured guys out. As such, the Poop rolled over the competition losing to only one sub .500 team on the year (Slumpbusters in week 3) and going 3-2 against eventual playoff teams.

Beating Dave felt nice. And Baron. Except for the time I didn't beat Baron. Why is Andrew Hansen coming into this league? I think I'm way out of the "joke" loop now and it bothers me. Maybe he's taking my place. And I don't know if anyone is noticing this, but Radcliffe's basketball team is entering "Andrew Stem's 2005 baseball team" territory.

Despite a lofty 9-3 record, Viano's team, much like his comments, began to lose focus. In week 11, at the tail end of the winning streak, the Poopmasters managed just 78.00 points in a win agsinst the Partyboat. Two weeks later, NDP offered a measly 74.00 in a loss versus The Nihilist Marmot. To close out the season, Viano fell again, failing to break triple digits in a 2.50 point loss to Fresh Legs. The final four games saw Poop average just 88.00 point per game but worst of all the eight legged injury bug bit. Ronnie Brown would go down in week 12, forcing Viano to make a big move to avoid flushing the season down the toilet (What? You knew I was going to go there at least once in this recap). Viano used the Gotham commissioner's red phone to get Dave Tomke on the batline. After foiling The Joker and The Riddler (wham! pow!), the two VUFSA owners agreed to swap running backs with Ronnie Brown and a draft pick whose round I don't remember for Willis McGahee. McGahee was the quick fix at a high price, but he did perform well down the stretch scoring touchdowns in three of his four games in the crusty brown uniform.

I traded shitty running backs with Tomke. I hope you're happy, hippy.

Despite the new talent, NDP was struggling. The two game skid cost Viano the second seed in the playoffs. Instead of getting JR at home, the losing streak meant the Poop had to travel to Brookfield, WI where The Nihilist Marmot would have homefield advantage. JR's team had won 7 of 9 to enter the playoffs with the two losses only coming at (on?) the hands of the other two non poop stained playoff squads. In fact, Naj Davenport's Poop and The Nihilist Marmot had squared off just two weeks prior in week 13. In that contest, THM dominated NDP 128.75-74.00. In other words for Viano, things were looking shitty.

But that is why they play the game. Peyton Manning, perhaps concerned that Eli was ruining the Manning name, decided to kick some ass. Peyton threw 4 TDs aginst the Bengals on his way to an overwhelming 37.25 point performance -- more than half of NDP's entire point total in the week 13 matchup versus the Marmot. Willie Parker went for 132 yards and a TD versus the Panthers, and Marion Barber III also put it in the end zone twice against the Falcons. When the smoke cleared, the Poop stood with 135.50, their highest outburst in a month a half (this with two double digit scorers on the bench). It was enough to put away THM who were more interested in high school basketball and TV shows not named The Office. With the 135.50-111.25 win, Viano moved to VUFSA Championship Game.

Viano had never won a VUFSA plaque, and he would be squaring off against another championship virgin, Drew Wolf's Tice's Partyboat. The Partyboat was an unlikely opponent having inexplicably upset the greatest team ever assembled the week before. The fourth seeded TP looked to be the ticket to Viano's first title. After all, Wolf was 7th in the league in total scoring and only made the playoffs because of a fluke finish where ChamPeons lost their final two regular season games. And thus the excitement surrounding the game was overwhelming as the two former WVUR General Managers traveled to jam packed Brown Field in Valparaiso, Indiana for the third ever VUFSA Super Bowl.

Peyton Manning again took to the air in getting the Poop off to a great start with 3 TDs against The Texans (giving him 7 touchdowns in 2 playoff games!) good for 27.25. Compared to his counterpart's 1.25 performance for The Partyboat (yay Mike Vick!), things looked good. Willis McGahee went for 95 yards and a TD on his way to a 17.00 effort, which again looked even better when compared against his RB-2 opponent Brandon Jacobs' disasterous 0.00.

Unfortunately, that's where the good news ended. Santana Moss, acquired for Philip Rivers in a late season trade that left NDP with no backup QB for the playoffs, stunk, giving a weak 2.50 effort. Cedric Benson couldn't crack 50 yards and did not find the end zone, leaving a less than inspired 5.00 for NDP. Ever steady Todd Heap had 4 catches for 50 yards, or in the other words 4.00 points. Marion Barber III managed all of 3 yards rushing, laying the goose egg in the flex spot. Worst of all, Viano's second leading scorer for the season, "Waiver Wire" Willie Parker, put up negative numbers (-0.50) as the staunch Ravens defense held him to just 29 yards rushing and forced a fumble. The end result was a score 18 points lower than Yahoo projected, a less than stellar 86.00. It would not be enough as Tice's Partyboat took the title with 110.25. The ever classy Andy Viano had this to say about his victorious opponent.

-Drew (absolute need to comment on)
That's pretty conceded, don't you think? Anyways, how cool is it that StlVUFan has a crush on you? Next time you go to a game you should come up real slowly behind him, softly place your hand on his shoulder and whisper in his ear "I'm loup." Either the man will have a heart attack or an erection, and wherever it goes from there is bound to be funny.

The smelly finish left Viano hating midgets and looking to next year to finish the job. No doubt the man on every other commercial, Peyton Manning, will return. Willis McGahee and Willie Parker should see ample playing time at RB-1 and RB-2. The other two spots could go several different directions depending upon NFL's teams offseason moves. Clearly Viano has a "thing" for Todd Heap as seen by his keeper status for this year. Perhaps their relationship has continued to mature and keeper status shall be granted to the incumbent Tight End, the Heap of Poo. At wide receiver, Javon Walker has potential and he'll only be as good as new guy Jay Cutler makes him. Hines Ward is in fact part Korean and brings a level of diversity to the team. Behind quaterback, there are a few young backs who could see more playing time depending upon the veterans' deterioration and contract situations. Jerious Norwood may just kick down the door and knock Warrick Dunn out of Atlanta. Cedric Benson could do the same to Thomas Jones. Marion Barber III has been a favorite of Bill Parcells, which may finally usher Julius Jones to the door. Arlen Harris...never mind. But if nothing else, Viano is always upbeat!

I'm going to have a lot of young running backs. Hopefully I can find someone to cut the ACLs of Julius Jones, Thomas Jones and Warrick Dunn. I still have Peyton, I'll draft receivers and a tight end, and I think I'll be ok. Probably start out strong, then fade, slowly crushing my will to live.

Cellar Dwellers 5-9

Andrew Stem is incredibly difficult to find on-line as most Google searches tended to pull up flowers and cell research. Instead, I offer you a visual representation of a team with a tremendously overrated defense in place of Andrew Stem.

Last year was the spectacular, back-from-the-dead season for previously last place bound Andrew Stem. After a series of miserable finishes, Stem rallied the troops and fought his way to the VUFSA Championship Game in 2005. Back to finish the job in 2006, he brought to the table a familar group of players in Shaun Alexander, LaMont Jordan, Kevin Jones, Larry Fitzgerald, and Plaxico Burress. Alexander was fresh off his MVP performance and looked to carry the team to glory - so long as he didn't get hurt that is.

Round 1: Tom Brady
Round 2: Derrick Mason
Round 3: Greg Jones
Round 4: Donte Stallworth
Round 5: LJ Smith
Round 6: Eric Moulds
Round 7: Keenan McCardell
Round 8: Antowain Smith
Round 9: Alex Smith (TE)
Round 10: Keith Bulluck
Round 11: Julius Peppers
Round 12: Adrian Wilson
Round 13: Ray Lewis
Round 14: Jon Kitna
Round 15: Jeff Reed

Right off the bat Stem took care of the one skill position lacking in his group of keepers -- quaterback. Tom Brady would throw for 600 fewer yards and 2 fewer touchdowns than in 2005, but all in all, he had a successful 2006 campaign going for 3,529 yards and 24 TDs. Derrick Mason had a modest season grabbing 68 footballs but managing just 2 touchdowns. Greg Jones would be a bust going down with an injury about the same time Domanick Davis/Williams did, never making it out of the preseason (and opening the door for Maurice Jones-Drew!). Donte Stallworth after a move to Philly was good when healthy, which came to exactly 3 games. Kennan McCardell and Eric Moulds combined to score 1 touchdown in reserve roles with their respective teams. 14th rounder Jon Kitna would be seeing playing time before the season was over, and no doubt was the reason for Cellar Dwellers below .500 finish.

Stem rushed off to an above average 3-2 start defeating Father Abraham, Who Is Ron Mexico?, and The Slumpbusters. The wins were tight, however, suggesting that this team was not nearly as dominant as its 2005 predecessor. The victories came at a cumulative total of 6 points and CD breaking 100 points just once in those wins.

About this time (say week 4) disaster would strike. Shaun Alexander would break his foot, depriving Stem of his most potent threat. For 7 weeks, Cellar Dwellers would scramble for a replacement for the bummed Seahawk. For your amusement, allow me to list of some of the names that attempted to fill the shoes of the league's reigning MVP.

Anthony Thomas
Kevin Faulk
Mike Sellers
Verron Haynes
Mewelde Moore (Viking and member of the true Partyboat!)
T. J. Duckett

Gross. Needless to say, all of those guys combined times ten didn't equal what a one legged Alexander could have brought to the table if Mike Holmgren just would have let Alexander play with a broken foot.

Between week 5 and week 11, the time in which Shaun was praying for his foot to heal, Cellar Dwellers went 1-5, effectively ending any playoff hopes. Once Alexander was back in the lineup, Stem went 2-2 to round out the season. In the end, 4 of Cellar Dwellers 5 wins came with Alexander healthy, proving that while he was not the NFL's MVP, he was still Stem's.

Stem made the second fewest moves in the league (14 to Baron's 11), but he did make a few good ones. He added Justin Fargas after LaMont Jordan mysteriously vanished one week, and while Fargas did not put up spectacular numbers, he did do better than any of the aforementioned replacements for Alexander. Mewelde Moore came on board late in the season and left even later in a trade that brought the not so helpful TJ Duckett on board. The move, though, was not pointless as Stem did pick up a late round pick from Madd Skillz in the deal. Probably the most impressive acquisition on the year came in the form of a defender as CD grabbed the NFL's defensive rookie of the year, DeMeco Ryans, for the stretch run.

As Andrew prepares for 2007, he has a few pieces to work with and a few holes to address. Shaun Alexander and Kevin Jones definitely will be back next year. Larry Fitzgerald and Plaxico Burress are a couple of top line wide receivers who should grab plenty more TDs next season. The remaining roster spot could go to one of three players in Tom Brady (ever steady), Donte Stallworth (19 yards per reception last year), or the Justin Fargas/LaMont Jordan Raider backfield starter. CD does posses the number three overall selection in the draft, which will sure up whichever of the positions Stem elects to go empty in the keeper selection process.

Fresh Legs 7-7

In lieu of not being able to find a picture of Baron on-line, I instead offer you this photo of Brad that I inexplicably had saved on my computer somewhere. I figure if nothing else, it's at least timely as Valpo has one last chance to win in Tulsa tonight. Maybe next year it would be wise to have people actually submit photos they want to represent themselves instead of just randomly picking, but for now I instill this image of the one and only Spata into your brains. And Eli the Eagle.

A strong freshman campaign led team owner Baron Brendel to have high hopes heading into 2007. With a veteran group of keepers, Brendel was to rely on Thomas Jones, Chris Chambers, Carson Palmer, Deuce McCallister, and Brian Westbrook to carry him to the postseason. On paper, this looked to be a fantastic team but small bumps in the road would derail the Brendel Express. Cedric Benson began to supplant Jones; Chris Chambers was third on the depth chart behind a white guy named Wes; Carson Palmer wasn't all the way back from a bum knee; the Saints drafted Reggie Bush; and Westbrook had to put up with another round of Donovan's done for the season. Despite these issues, the team performed admirably finishing with an even record.

My keepers from last year performed above average. I was worried about 4 of the 5. Carson Palmer, Deuce McAllister, Brian Westbrook and Thomas Jones were all coming off injuries. Plus Deuce and Jones looked like they were going to be splitting carries. The only one I had no concerns with was Chris Chambers. He was healthy, he had an amazing last half of 2005, and he had Daunte Culpepper throwing to him. Visions of Chambers as the new Randy Moss danced through my head. He ended up the 36th best receiver and only had 4 touchdowns. Even when the Fins started playing well down the stretch Marty Booker was Harrington's go to guy. I had a chance to dump Chambers a couple times, but I always felt he was going to break through - he never did. My other keepers played well. Palmer was a little slow to get going, but still finished the 5th best QB. Westbrook and Deuce finished in the top 10. Jones finished 16th, but I thought his playing time really dwindled down the stretch.

As for the group surrounding the keepers:

Round 1: Traded for Westbrook
Round 2: Dominic Rhodes
Round 3: Ahman Green
Round 4: Reggie Brown
Round 5: Laverneus Coles
Round 6: Cedrick Wilson
Round 7: Rod Smith
Round 8: Dallas Clark
Round 9: Troy Polamalu
Round 10: Dwight Freeney
Round 11: DeAngelo Hall
Round 12: Shayne Graham
Round 13: Chris Henry
Round 14: Bob Sanders

A fairly solid draft with Dominic Rhodes providing capable if not unspectacular numbers. Ahman Green was healthy most of the season rushing for over 1,000 yards and hauling in 45+ receptions. Reggie Brown was super streaky, but provided a big boost during McNabb's hot weeks. Laverneus Coles may be one of the, dare I say, steals of the draft finishing with 91 catches for over 1,000 yards. Cedrick Wilson may have been taken 10 rounds too high and Rod Smith past his prime, but overall, I felt it was a respectable draft giving Fresh Legs the pieces needed to compliment the keepers.

My draft was the same as last year - some good picks in the middle and late rounds, but completely sucking it up in the early going. I didn't have a first round pick to waste, but I had a retard attack with my second round pick of Dominic Rhodes. Why, oh why, did I take Rhodes instead of Joseph Addai. I suck - that's why. My next pick of Ahamn Green though was a good one. He quietly had a pretty decent year for the Packers.

As I accurately predicted after week 1, the opening week loss proved to be a killer for FL. Right off the bat, the underdog Father Abraham rose up to the challenge and knocked off Team Brendel. The narrow 6 point, 105.75-99.75, defeat would hamper Baron the entire season.

That first loss to Lincoln really hurt. Lincoln's team was not all that good, and I lost by less than a touchdown. 2.25 points from Palmer and leaving Ahman Green's 13.5 points on the bench killed me.

Even so, the former Big Fat Guys found themselves at 3-3 after 6 weeks. Poised to make a playoff push, Brendel would play eventual playoff teams in weeks 7, 8, and 9. Unfortunately for Fresh Legs, they could not hang with the contenders with a week 8, 123.00-121.75, loss to Tice's Partyboat. This loss proved especially difficult since it came three days after the final snap. Morris went on to credit TP's Cato June with some extra points the Thursday after the matchup pushing Tice's Partyboat upward and sinking Fresh Legs.

The Morris game of week 8 against Drew was also a tough loss. A half point from Reggie Brown and just 2 points from Deuce did not help the situation.

Even in spite of this three game skid, Brendel inched his way back toward the top with wins in weeks 10 and 11. In fact, he would win 4 of his last 5 games, overcoming The Slumpbusters and Naj Davenport's Poop in weeks 13 and 14. However, the game in the middle proved to be the difference as week 12's 166.25-130.50 loss would ultimately keep Fresh Legs from the playoffs. The 130.50 represented the high score of any loser for the week, a dreaded designation that Brendel would have to stomach a whopping 4 times on the season.

The loss that pissed me off the most was week 12 to Champ. I scored 130 points and still got blown out. I had three guys with 20+ points, but Champ gets 22 points from Frank Gore, 13 from Benjamin Watson, 15.5 from Andre Johnson, and 43 goddamned points from goddamned Joseph Addai (whom I should have drafted in the first place)! That's just ridiculous.

Just a few moves for Baron this season, none of which of the blockbuster variety. Brendel acquired Alge Crumpler for a 6th round pick from Tice's Partyboat and then dealt off Reggie Brown and Lavernaeus Coles for draft picks once Fresh Legs cashed it in for next season.

My only trade that mattered was swapping my 6th rounder for Alge Crumpler. I like the move then, and I still like it. In the weeks leading up to the trade my tight end position had a combined 7 points in 5 weeks. Alge topped that in one week. Having a tight end that can have that 10+ point game is important, and I just may keep him. Other trades were when I was sort of rebuilding. I dumped a couple WRs for late draft picks - we'll see how that goes.

Moving towards next season, this roster filled with veterans will have to show they still have the fresh legs needed to fend off some of the rookie challengers. Thomas Jones may be forced out of Chicago's backfield. Green Bay is swirling with uncertaintity. Joseph Addai is nudging Dominic Rhodes into a reserve roll. Even still, Carson Palmer can still light up the scoreboard, and with just one or two of those running backs being named starter would do well to give Baron a group that with Brian Westbrook can make that final push to the playoffs in 2007.

Next year looks about the same as this year heading in. I have three keepers pretty much set - Carson Palmer, Brian Westbrook and Deuce McAllister. I only hope Deuce remains a go to guy in New Orleans. The other three spots will be between Alge Crumpler, Thomas Jones and Ahman Green. Green and Jones fought it out for my last keeper spot last year, and, just like last year, I'll have to wait until the offseason to make up my mind. Jones may not be the number one back next year, and maybe the Bears trade him. Green is a free agent, so I'll have to see where he ends up. With Alge, I feel like there may be a lot of changes in Atlanta, so I want to make sure he is going to get the ball. Any way you look at it, I'll have a veteran keeper group so I am going to need to draft young.

Father Abraham 2-12

Team Souzek. Where to begin? Perhaps in the wilderness? I maintained throughout the course of the season that this was the best last place team in any league the VUFSA has fielded. This despite averaging a league worst 91.70 points per game and being decimated by injuries. I suppose we should start with the draft, and then I’ll build my case as to why Father Abraham was still “good.”

Round 1: Domanick “Don’t Call Me” Davis
Round 2: Fred Taylor
Round 3: LenDale White
Round 4: Joey Galloway
Round 5: Drew Bennett
Round 6: Troy Williamson
Round 7: Ben Roethlisberger
Round 8: Jerramy Stevens
Round 9: Maurice Hicks
Round 10: Jay Feely
Round 11: Adalius Thomas
Round 12: Mike Peterson
Round 13: Jason Taylor
Round 14: Musa Smith
Round 15: Derrick Blaylock

Picks 1, 2 and 3 were all running backs and it’s where the season began and ended for Lincoln. Domanick Davis went on the Texans IR immediately following the announcement that he had been selected by Team Souzek. What the personal grudge is there, I’m not sure but what I do know is that Davis was so embarrassed by it that he changed his haircut, jersey number, and name after the incident. As a result, Souzek was left scrambling in the wake of this departure. Fred Taylor was a questionable choice in round 2 being that he has never been healthy for more than 8% of any season, pee-wee football included. Perhaps feeling badly for Lincoln that Davis left him out to dry, Fred Taylor had a terrific season for Father Abraham leading the team with 1,146 yards rushing and 6 touchdowns. LenDale White somehow got lost in the mediocre backfield in Tennessee and never lived up to his lofty NFL draft status and third round VUFSA draft status. So of Lincoln’s first three running back picks, only two played, and only one played worth a damn.

Souzek then spent his next three picks on wide receivers where, once again, only 1 of the 3 panned out. Joey Galloway was incredibly streaky due in no small part to catching bloody spleens but still managed a 1,000 yard receiving season and 7 touchdowns. Drew Bennett and Troy Williamson, on the other hand, are good friends with Domanick Davis and decided to scorn Team Souzek.

And thus the season began with the team chemistry in disarray but with the blind optimistic hope that engulfs us all when we are undefeated in the preseason. Week 1 saw Father Abraham take on Fresh Legs, an upcoming franchise hoping to make some noise this season. Lincoln rallied the troops and told Baron that this would not be his day (or season) and to sit down by virtue of a 105.75-99.75 victory. Keepers Donovan McNabb, Joe Horn, and Jamal Lewis led the way with double digit performances and even Drew Bennett forgot that he was white getting in on the 10+ point action. Then the close calls came. In week 2, Stem defeated Souzek by just 0.75 points. In week 3 it was Edwin squeaking by with a narrow 82.50-81.75 margin. In just two weeks, Father Abraham had lost by less than two points to fall under .500, a line the team would drown under the remainder of the season. In fact, FA would only find one more win on the season upending the playoff bound Nihilist Marmot 111.25-89.50 in week 5. Since then, I think Edwin has said it’s been a record number of consecutive losses closing the year going 0-9.

So I haven’t made much of a case for this being the best last place team ever, but I ask you to refer back to those two close calls. There were other very competitive games that just didn’t quite go Lincoln’s way. A 5.25 loss in week 7, an 8 point loss in week 8, a 3.25 loss in week 10, and a 3.25 point loss in week 11 coupled with the two already referenced games gave Father Abraham 6 losses where the margin of defeat was in single digits. Single digit games are stupidly close and are frequently decided by something miniscule like a field goal or some obscure defensive play. If those 6 weeks had gone Lincoln’s way, and with the tremendous amount of luck involved in fantasy football, Souzek finishes the season at 8-6 and tied for fourth. Thus I maintain that the record does not accurately reflect the competitiveness of Team Souzek. In year’s past, playing the last place team would have been a guaranteed victory but the close games Father Abaraham was involved in proved that he was no easy win.

So what of this franchise in 2007? Cadillac Williams came on board at the very end of the season at the expense of the number one overall selection in next season's draft. Lincoln does obtain a second rounder, meaning he traded down as opposed to completely trading away #1. Keepers are shaping up to be Donovan McNabb, Cadillac Williams, Anquan Boldin, Jamal Lewis, and then perhaps Leon Washington, Domanick Davis, or Fred Taylor. Certainly respectable if not unspectacular. McNabb will be the wild card here, as he put up obscene numbers while healthy in 2006. If he can carry the team in 2007, it won’t take but an average group of healthy players to break the losing streak. Now you may have noticed I did not include any owner comments in this piece due in no small part to not having any. Lincoln decided to buck the trend and offer a comprehensive view of his season in the following passage that I bring to you unaltered.

In lieu of discussing my train wreck of a season, I would like to paraphrase a Seinfeld dialogue that represents how I heard your questions and my responses in my head:

DREW: Look at you.

LINCOLN: Aw, Drew, don't start...

DREW: You're wasting your fantasy career.

LINCOLN: I am not! What you call wasting, I call playing! I'm playing

fantasy sports!

DREW: O.K., like what? No, tell me! Do you have a title?

LINCOLN: No.

DREW: You got draft picks?

LINCOLN: No.

DREW: Do you have any solid keepers?

LINCOLN: No.

DREW: Do you have any prospects?

LINCOLN: No.

DREW: You got anything on the horizon?

LINCOLN: Uh...no.

DREW: Do you have any action at all?

LINCOLN: No.

DREW: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?

LINCOLN: I like to get the Times!