GIVE ME ALL YOUR STEROIDSSpecial thanks to professional writer Eli Gieryna for not only filling in last week, but also for putting the quality writing standard out of my reach.
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GAME OF THE WEEK!!!
Stanzi Loves America (7-2): 131.25
Suhssical (3-6): 114.75
What happened: The best 1-2 punch at RB in the league combined for 47 points, then Aaron Rodgers (33.75) showed up on Sunday night to put the game away. Ahmad Bradshaw (20.00) performed admirably in the loss.
MVP: For shit's and giggles, I'm giving it to "Steve Johnson" ("12.50") again because even though I watched him play this week, I'm still 98% sure he is a figment of Stem's imagination.
Least VP: Jonathan Stewart (0.00) got his shot at a start this week for the Panthers, and the long-time prospect failed to deliver a single point. A lost fumble completely erased an already disappointing performance.
What it means: Stem is unbeatable. Deal with it. JR traded away Tom Brady, and while he's not his normal immortal self this year (Brady, not JR) that might signify a rebuilding Radcliffe.
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SLIGHTLY LESS INTERESTING GAME!!!
Awkward Emoticons ;) (6-3): 118.00
Let My Monkeys Go (5-4): 89.00
What happened: A big thundering for Drew this week, getting over 40 points on Monday Night, including 24.50 from Terrell Owens. New acquisition Tom Brady (20.75) made himself comfortable, scoring 13 more points than previous starter Matt Schaub. Viano got 16.50 from Dallas Clark clone Jacob Tamme, but four offensive starters came in at under three points.
MVP: Owens, who's early score let Drew relax and then his late score that let Drew go to bed at his normal time, 6:30 in the evening, just after a nice dose of the local news. Because Drew's old.
Least VP: This just in to the VUFSA blog news desk: Ryan Mathews is bad. A reminder: the company that employs Brad Evans ranked him as the 8th most valuable commodity in fantasy football before the season.
What it means: Despite the loss, Viano stays in 4th, and holds on to 10th place in total points scored. I'm hearing rumors that he expects to cross the 900 point barrier as early as next week.
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I WAS PAYING ATTENTION A LITTLE BIT, I GUESS!!!
Stanton for Heisman! (4-5): 126.50
1-800-222-1222 (2-7): 113.75
What happened: Something called Javarris James scored two touchdowns for the Colts and Brandon Jackson had a huge game on Sunday Night- it looked like an easy road for Tomke on Monday night. This game turned into a suprisingly interesting contest, with Mike Wallace and Ben Roethlisberger spearheading a small comeback.
MVP: Michael Vick and his 27.25 points. Seven of those points came on rushing yards alone, while Baron managed just 11.25 total from his QB spot.
Least VP: Arian Foster, who was amazing again this week but is watching his excellent season absolutely wasted. Word out of Houston is that he has demanded a trade. To my team.
What it means: Dave has played his way back into playoff contention and now has to face a Rodgers-less Stem squad next week.
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THE TOYOTA ASS-BEATING OF THE WEEK!!!
Marty Booker (6-3): 108.25
Champeons (4-5): 82.00
What happened: Philip Rivers (30.25) had an enormous game for a depleted Schillinger lineup, while Champ could not capitalize on what should have been an enormous RB advantage. Last second substitute James Jones (16.00) turned in the matchup's 2nd highest score.
MVP: Ronnie Brown (16.00) stepped in with both Steven Jackson and Chris Johnson on a bye week and gave a legitimate RB1 performance.
Least VP: TE Brent Celek matched the inactive Antonio Gates' output.
What it means: Gives a little clarity to the postseason. Schill takes a two game lead on 5th place, while Champ falls into four team dogpile at 4-5 despite starting out 4-2 this season.
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A QUARANTINE OF SUCKAGE!!!
Stranger in the Alps (4-5): 104.75
Cover Tooth (4-5): 80.75
What happened: Eli won, despite quitting.
MVP: Peyton (the other one)
Least VP: Beanie
What it means: INTRIGUE!
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2 comments:
And the 6:30 news was a humdinger with one of those squirrels on water skis.
Well, I guess it's only fitting that I get relegated to the Quarantine of Suckage after creating such a mean-spirited category. I deserve it.
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