Baseball Recap 6.09

1. Bob Loblaw (81.5, +5)

Has jumped towards 2006 territory with a big week from the pitching staff, gaining 1.5 points in Ks and Wins. Roy Halladay notched two wins and Rich Harden struck out 17 in 12.2 innings while setting a new three year high in innings pitched. With 47. Gained two points in stolen bases behind five from Jose Reyes and another five from Soriano/Upton.

2. Fukakke (76, +1)

Continues ascent in the saves column, picking up six last week. Dropped a point and a half in runs in a week that saw a high water mark of 81, I think.

3. Uncle Phil (66.5, -1)

Lost four points in saves, but gained two in ERA despite the mark raising 0.04 points. In case you missed it (and I did) Milton Bradley was basically a hall-of-famer last week: 12 runs, 5 homers, 9 RBI, 4 steals, .647 OBA. Last League Activity: Thu May 29 10:29am EDT

3. Krukie's Left Nut (66.5, -1)

Stole nine bases to jump a point in that column but lost ground in saves, notching just three all week. ERA rose a considerable 0.14, but that wasn't Derek Lowe's fault: 2 wins, 2.40/0.93.

3. The M.B.A.s (66.5, +9.5)

The vacationing Wolfman was our biggest riser last week and jumps into the third place clusterfuck. Huge jump in saves (4.5 points) and a combined 4 points between runs and homers. Hit 17 HRs with 48 runs scored and 46 RBI (all league-highs). Gained some ground in ERA and WHIP despite not improving either number.

6. Horry Kow! (55.5, -2)

Lost four points between wins and saves, but made up three in ERA/WHIP. Held steady with a four in Ks, despite having the supposed edge in strikeouts when the season began. Still rosters Jason Kendall, who has scored 2 runs in the last month.

7. Dr. Jerry (48.5, n/c)

Champ was the only team not to move a single point this week. Lost 2.5 in WHIP, gained it back in homers, in the middle a great offensive week (43 runs, 15 homers). Manny Ramirez: 6/3/9/.500

8. Harangutans (36.5, -5.5)

"Brad Hawpe | COL | OF - Hawpe is back from the DL and has pounded two homers since he returned two days ago. He's got good power and, like [Troy] Tulowitzki, probably wasn't dropped in your league. If he was, go get him.
Recommendation - Should be owned in all leagues."

-The Hardball Times

9. Numnah (31, -0.5)

Is beating Tomke by almost ten points.

10. Bondo and the Asians (21.5, -5.5)

Now with 100% less Bondo.

Transaction Time V 8.0

Of course I'm biased being that I was involved in the MEGA TRADE, but as stated in earlier correspondence, I had to refer to the A-Rod, Braun, Lee deal in capital letters. The phrase MEGA TRADE also reminds me of the old Nintendo game Mega Man, which spawned about 20 different sequels. I think I owned the fifth or sixth one, defeating seven or eight of the ten bosses needed to beat the game. I then got bored and ended up going back to Bases Loaded II with its generic players and teams. The stats did not accumulate on the tiny 8 bit processor so I ended up compiling HRs, RBIs, runs, and thanks to Sports Illustrated for Kids' formula, Earned Run Average. Hell, when you run your own statistics for a crummily graphic-ed game, who needs Mega Man. But, we do need the MEGA TRADE!

1. Alex Rodriguez, Dice-K, and a 5th round 2009 draft pick for Ryan Braun and Carlos Lee

This deal was the only meaningful transaction of the week and the rest of the entries in this blog post are filler. So, I shall devote additional space for this, the MEGA TRADE!

Why this trade works for Edwin:

Ed received a huge offensive surge by virtue of rebuilding his outfield with two players who have combined to hit 28 home runs and drive in 93 runs. Ryan Braun has huge upside and is already showing that he is not a fluke. In fact, he may be the premiere power hitter in the sport for years to come. The third base eligibility is of nice value should David Wright go down or be traded later on.

Carlos Lee quietly puts up great offensive numbers in Houston and will continue to provide a nice balance of power and a touch of speed (a touch may be generous). Since 2003, Lee has consistently provided 30 homers and 100 RBIs, having never failed to reach either total during this stretch. He's not injury prone and he's a regular provider, which should benefit Edwin into the fall months.

Furthermore, Dice-K can only help Edwin so much down the stretch as Fukkake is 86 innings over budget, by far the most in the league. The injury is troubling and as such Dice K's value to Edwin was minimal who sill carries five pitchers on his bench. The Red Sox hurler was worth much more to the rest of the VUFSA than the pitching heavy Fukkake.

Why this trade works for Drew:

Alex Rodriguez has been the top off season player in fantasy baseball for about the last decade, and the opportunity to acquire #1 and draft picks for next year while not overly compromising this season proved too great an opportunity to pass up. A-Rod, back healthy is a powerhouse. If the Yankees do their normal late season surge, it'll be because the Yankees' third baseman is generating the runs.

Dice-K plays for Boston which means the win total will continue to accumulate. The ERA is below three and the gyroball is striking out batters at just under one per inning. The injury time off is more of the Ken Griffey Junior "general soreness" variety than the John Smoltz "sucks to be you" type. Thus, Dice-K should be back sooner rather than later with a rested arm.

The fifth round pick proved to be the final straw in the deal getting down. Originally a seventh round pick, the conversation went back and forth until the injury increased Edwin's offer and eventually led to the deal as was completed. The thought of going into 2009 with Alex Rodriguez the overall #1 and an extra draft pick was mighty appetizing.

Lastly, losing Braun and Lee was indeed a detriment to The M.B.A.'s offense who now fill that gap with Xavier Nady and Aaron Rowand. However, Nady and Rowand have been surprisingly good and should they continue to quietly drive in the runs for their respective terrible teams, they can suitably take over Drew's outfield (I hope). But perhaps the under-the-radar reason for the deal concerns Lee and Braun's OBP which are .305 and .331. With The M.B.A.'s worst category being on base percentage, ridding the team of two of the worst transgressors will likely lead to improvement of this "2" category (team OBP of just .340).

2. Jason Giambi

Readers of this column no doubt have noticed I have a thing for Giambi as I just cannot get past those big power and great OBP numbers from seasons' prior. The aforementioned OBP problem for The M.B.A.s seemed a natural fit for Giambi's heating up bat.

3. Welcome back

Ryan Church and Frank Liriano returned to VUFSA rosters this week. Church, a big time outfield surprise, returns to Champ's squad. Liriano is given one more chance, this time by Stem.

4. Mark Buehrle

The Chicago White Sox ace is no longer a part of Horry Kow's future. With a 5.20 ERA, a 1.50 WHIP and a mere 2 wins for a first place team, Buehrle and his $14 million dollar salary have been a disappointment for everyone from Ozzie Guillen to JR Radcliffe.

5. John Smoltz

I happen to find the Smoltz story incredibly disappointing. I can't say I've ever been a huge fan of the guy though neither did I dislike him. He was always "there" and he's been good for like 20 years, which is a remarkable achievement. Clearly he's a tenacious competitor in trying to modify his pitching style just to extend his career and contribute to an up and coming team. I suppose I find it disappointing only to see a tremendous career end on injury and not on a more worthy note. Eli probably finds it disappointing for additional reasons.

6. Rich Hill

Andy had enough of Rich Hill and really why not. He hasn't pitched in the majors since May 2nd so the roster move on May 29th to boot the Cubbie pitcher makes since. The 27 days to make that move seems a little long, but then again Uncle Phil hasn't had its manager since then providing a daily line-up, leading to a "A League of Their Own" situation where players run the clubhouse. Great movie.

Jim Edmonds: Cubs Hero

Transaction Time V 7.0

Very quietly, the Minnesota Twins had one of the most remarkable comebacks of the year last night and nary an ESPN viewer would be aware of it. After filtering through hockey and basketball playoffs, we have practically every other ball game's highlights (more Cubs and Mets please!) before 60 seconds worth of highlights are revealed, buried 41 minutes into Sportscenter. Even the ESPN write-up of the game featured a lead and a headline concerning a meaningless Royals' outfielder. Never mind being down to your last out down 5 runs, we need more Chicago and New York heroics and/or frustrated comments! Craig Monroe and Justin Morneau battered Kansas City pitching bringing the Twins all the way back to an extra inning win. Screw Jose Guillen, Fernando Tatis, and Alfonso Soriano. Minnesota rocks!

1. Big name outfielders

Gary Sheffield, Andruw Jones, and Brad Hawpe all departed VUFSA rosters this week. Sheffield managed all of three games for The M.B.A.s (3 RBIs!) before injuring himself again. Jones got in 75 at bats for Fukkake contributing 1 homer, 3 RBIs, and a .275 OBP. Finally, Hawpe's hammy has him out of the Harangutans line-up. In 114 at bats, Hawpe had a very symmetrical 12 runs, 2 homers and 12 RBIs.

2. Welcome home Andrew Miller

In the May 1st edition of Transaction Time, I wrote about Tomke cutting Andrew Miller whose ERA and WHIP had ballooned to 9.12 and 2.38, respectively. Those numbers are heading in the right direction and are now down to 5.53 and 1.68 and has earned Miller a return trip to Bondo and the Asians' pitching staff.

3. Jay Bruce

Baron, ever the Cincinnati enthusiast, was all over word that super prospect Jay Bruce was on his way to the majors. May 23rd came and the Reds' savior was added and has since helped out Baron with a couple RBIs, stolen bases, and an .800 OBP, and this is a run-on sentence.

4. Salomon Torres

Drew snagged the Brewers' closer du jour after barfing all over the Eric Gagne thrill ride. After signing Torres, The M.B.A.s promptly had him on the bench for a couple saves and a win. Expert managing.

5. Bartolo Colon

Remember when someone in the VUFSA kept Colon? Remember when he won the Cy Young? Those days seemingly long gone...but alas! The smelly one reemerges in our beloved league with Leggy Blonde after a couple nice starts with Boston. So far so good for Colon who has allowed just three earned runs and three walks in 12 innings and 2 wins worth of work.

6. Manny Acosta, Ryan Zimmerman, and an 8th round 2009 draft pick for Joe Nathan

Welty looks to 2009 in this deal with a couple young players and a draft pick. Acosta may very well be the Braves closer next year (who knows) and has been decent this year. Ryan Zimmerman was supposed to be Mr. Baseball but has burned owners the last two years who used early draft picks to scoop up the slow starting Nationals' third baseman. He may finally mature into the player he has the potential to be, but a .291 OBP is horrific for a second round pick.

Wolf looks to the present securing a top flight closer to take the bullpen spot of the Acosta/Torres platoon. John Smoltz's seemingly inevitable return to the closer position limits Acosta's immediate value. ERA, WHIP, and K's should all be better with Natahn but best of all, the roster spot Zimmerman was wasting (Ryan Braun at 3rd) is finally freed up. Wolf was so excited that he rushed out to grab absolutely no one, hating all present options.

7. Brian McCann for Chris Young, his nose, and a 6th round 2009 draft pick

Tomke has become the farm club for Eli, and McCann is promoted to the majors this week. Bondo and the Asians is out of contention and is looking to remake the roster for 2009. While I highly doubt Chris Young is a part of it, the 6th rounder will be nice to have.

The number one team in the league now has the number one catcher in Yahoo. McCann has .383 OBP, 9 homers, and 32 RBIS, all of which are an upgrade from the Chris Iannetta era.

8. Matt Garza

Garza is shaping up to be the Frank Gore of the baseball season. How many teams can he play for in one year? This waiver wire slut is doing his best to guarantee a non-existent VUFSA championship ring.

Transaction Time V 6.0

In honor of the Souzek-Slick-Welty franchise's first original team name ever, I present to you the first leggy blonde that came to mind, Stacy Keibler. I could have gone with a bloody image of Chris Young in honor of the franchise's most recent team name, but I think we all win with this picture of Stacy than one of a downed Padres pitcher.

1. Adam Welty

The VUFSA cut Slick in favor of its first non-Valpo educated (ie smarter than the rest of us) member. Dave Tomke tried his best to reject this non-Crusader, but his passed deadline pouting was overcome by a big group hug from the rest of the league.

2. Welty hurls

In mere moments, Welty made the move that half of us in the league were dying to make for Slick: cut Dontrelle Willis. I realize this is a minimal comment coming from a guy with Brad Penny on his roster, but in replacing Willis with Jon Lester, Leggy Blonde quickly added a no-hitter to the win, ERA, and WHIP categories. As expected, Mike Mussina wasn't on the waiver wire very long, but he was drilled in his first start for Adam thereby wiping out Lester's gains.

3. Chone Figgins for Evan Longoria, Rickie Weeks, and a 7th rounder in 2009

Eli picks up a versatile speedster in dealing away his second starting third baseman in a month. Figgins on the DL since May 3rd, just returned to the Angels line up and should provide a boost to whatever basketball related thing Eli is calling his team these days. Did you know that despite a stint on the DL, Figgins is on pace to walk 40% more than any of his previous years in the majors? Nice of Chone to pick up Moneyball for his winter reading.

As for Baron, perhaps this is already the beginning of the end for Harangutans. With a prospect in Longoria and a package draft pick, this deal smells like the burning of a white flag. If so, Longoria will be a nice keeper heading into 2009, and while a draft pick is always a nice addition to a team building for next season, I wonder if a 7th rounder will be all that impactful. But, hey, at least it's something. Apparently Rickie Weeks is also a part of this trade. Meh.

4. Baron's bombs

Edwin Encarnacion and Ivan Rodriguez just haven't panned out for Baron and are perhaps part of the reason why the above trade took place. Encarnacion has shown flashes of strong offensive play (when not being asked to bunt), but recently was given a day off in favor of Ryan Freel. That's never good. Rodriguez is part of the entire baffling Detroit ordeal. Batting just .268 with 1 homer run, he was expendable for any number of waiver wire catchers, though Harangutans will go with Russel Martin behind the plate.

5. Frank Thomas

Back in the bigs and back in the VUFSA, Champ decided to give the Big Hurt another shot after a short stint on The M.B.A.s. 10 years ago, did you think we'd be typing about how Gary Sheffield was dropped in an uncontested waiver pick up of Frank Thomas? I feel old.

6. Lance Berkman and Jeremey Guthrie for Jayson Werth, John Maine, and Greg Smith

JR is the first to wheel and deal with the league's newest owner, grabbing Yahoo's #1 rated player from Welty. Have you taken the time to actually look at Berkman's numbers this year? .463 OBP, 16 HRs, 50 runs, 44 RBIs, and hell 9 stolen bases to boot. Between Berkman and Chipper Jones, JR now owns the top rated offensive weapons in all Yahoo. Jeremy Guthrie has been ok. He has a modest 2 wins, but a sub 4 ERA and a sub 1.30 WHIP. With the fact that he was originally drafted by Cleveland on his side, Guthrie hopes to boost the now pillaged starting rotation that was traded away in this deal.

Adam wasted no time in overhauling this bleeding franchise with a slew of waiver wire moves and this his first blockbuster. This was a major leap for the franchise as rarely does a last place team find themselves with the league's best player on their roster. The question then becomes how much value did Welty get for Berkman? Well, Jayson Werth was a free agent 24 hours before this trade occurred, so instantly I hate the deal for Nick Dettman reasons. That brings us to John Maine and Greg Smith. Maine is a nice pitcher. I had him last year, and he's steady but unspectacular. Greg Smith is a big question mark as he has thrown for under 60 innings in his entire career. He might pan out, and he might not.

Overall, this trade was made with the intent to compete now, which I applaud the Souzek-Slick-Welty franchise for as I don't think that's been the case in the 4 year history of the league. But, I wonder with a bargaining chip like Berkman, if it might not have been prudent to ask a little more or at the very least a something in the way of a 2009 draft pick to help the bigger picture beyond 2008.

Baseball Recap 5.19

After a one-week hiatus, I have returned! I may have missed the only week of the season where I will have been in first by myself, but it matters not because Drew called my "column" "popular." If that's not incentive enough to get up a half hour earlier to pound out a 200 word column, I don't know what is.

T-1. Bob Loblaw (72.5, +8.5)

The biggest gains on the week get credited mostly to Alfonso Soriano, who has been the best player in baseball history since being traded for a couple of Asians. Raised the team three points in runs and moved them up a spot in homers. Soriano pounded seven home runs (more than four VUFSA teams) and drove in 14 runs (just 5 less than Baron). Eli ended up with 20 HRs and 51 RBI for the week. Also gained three points between ERA and WHIP, thanks in part to a shutout by Cole Hamels.


T-1. Fukkake (72.5, +1)

Picked up 1.5 points in saves as the bullpen finally gets things going. Nine saves on the week, led by Jose Valverde's four. Brandon Phillips had a strong week, with eight RBI and a couple of homers.

3. Uncle Phil (64, -5)

Viano's team has lost 16 points since sitting at 80 just three weeks ago. The team lost 2.5 points behind drops in ERA and WHIP, thanks to a correction from Brian Bannister. Dropped two points in stolen bases and a point in home runs, thanks to a pedestrian week from Chase Utley (3/1/3/0/.240)

4. Dr. Jerry (63.5, +2)

Champ gains quietly, sitting just a half point out of the money shot. Took a huge step in OBA, picking up three points, but lost a point in ERA despite the overall number improving. Fausto Carmona's 16 innings of one-run ball gets the bulk of the credit for the ERA improvement. Joakim Soria picked up another three saves despite letting in an earned run for the first time this season.

5. The M.B.A.s (60.5, +8)

Another big gainer because of a tremendous week from Ryan Braun. Eight runs, six homers and ten RBI from Wisconsin's second-favorite retard gave Drew seven points between the three categories. A total of 16 homers would be good for first 98% of the weeks of the year. Lost 2.5 points in saves, but picked up three in ERA/WHIP.

6. Curse of the Veggies (60, +5)

Fluctuations of two or more points in four different categories, and at least some movement in eight of the ten columns. Jimmy Rollins' return (4 sb) boosted the SB spot by 2 points. Ichiro also chipped in four steals to give JR a league-high ten on the week. Picked up three points in OBA and 2.5 in runs, as Dan Uggla on-based .615 (!) and scored seven times. Lost ground in the power categories, with a league-low five HRs.

7. Hank White (51.5, -1.5)

Poor Stem sits in seventh with no one within eight points of him, in a little bubble isolated from the world. Lost a serious three points in runs scored, but that was the only major loss. Adam Dunn found his power this week (despite Dusty Baker's best efforts) with four homers and nine RBI. Nate McLouth keeps doing his thing, three more homers and six runs scored. Also, Ryan Dempster struck out 12 men in 8.1 shutout innings. What the fuck is going on there?

8. Harangutans (39, -12.5)

Huge drop this week for Baron. Lost 3.5 points in OBA and 2.5 in runs. The pitching ratios cost him 4.5 points. A major slump from Derrek Lee is what's hurting the offense, but really Ryan Ludwick (5/3/5/.440) is the only one who gave a damn last week. Awful starts from Aaron Cook, Ian Snell, Greg Maddux and Roy Oswalt (now with groin problems!) raise the team ERA nearly two tenths. Oh, and the comatose team behind them is awake and just 3.5 off the pace. A rough go for a very talented roster.

9. Leggy Blonde (35.5, +3)

Welcome to the VUFSA's newest owner, Adam Welty. His reclamation project began yesterday, with a flurry of moves and DL'd pitchers. The franchise made a gain last week thanks again to Lance Berkman (8/4/8/2/.548) and another good week from Albert Pujols. The pitching was strong outside of Brett Myers. I fully expect Leggy Blonde to get no fewer than five trade offers this week, hopefully livening things up around here.

10. Bondo and the Asians (31, -8.5)

Big falls in runs (-4) and home runs (-2) hurt the team which has lost 14.5 points over two weeks. Brian McCann did drive in nine runs while Kaz Matsui stole three bases. Randy Johnson picked up two wins on the week, with a very good 3.00 ERA to go along with them.

Transaction Time V. 5.0

Unlike last week, we have zero trades to report for this week's VUFSA Transaction Time. Incidentally, zero just so happens to be the number of runs Cleveland's starting pitching has allowed in about just as much time. Yay for first place AL Central teams!

1. Justin Duchscherer

Viano scooped up former Oakland set up guy, now hard luck starting pitcher. Having shut down the Indians for two starts this season, I'm a little bit more sensitive toward his mad(d) skillz than the average waiver wire looker. He does have a nice ERA and WHIP (2.20, 1.08), but Duchscherer doesn't strike out a lot of guys (24) or win a whole bunch (3). Regardless, he does make for a nice late rotation starter for Uncle Phil who is looking to jump back into first.

2. The return of Joe Borowski

Tomke in his smack talk this morning wonders how he can be in last, which given that one of the members of the league is in a state of limbo, is fairly perplexing to most. Not to me, however, who directly relates Bondo and the Asians' struggles to the fact that Joe Borowski was drafted by this franchise and consequently resigned earlier this week. For good measure, Tomke also has Masa Kobayashi.

3. Ryan Franklin

Seems like only yesterday Franklin was a washed up journey man floating through the Reds' organization. Now, he's ascended to St. Louis' most-of-the-time closer after Izzy got the boot. Edwin acquired Franklin looking to boost a bullpen that is one save away from last place, which given the Valverde, Wood, Putz closers is somewhat surprising.

4. Catcher switch

J.R. Towles and his "rated rookie" status complete with .157 batting average was let go from Bob Loblaw who then picked up emerging Colorado sensation Chris Iannetta (.306 BA, 3 HRs).

5. The retirement of Mark Prior

Just a few short seasons ago, Edwin kept the Cubs superstar. Now, not even Tomke will give him a shot. What's perhaps most surprising is that Prior was cut for a guy not even in the major leagues (Jay Bruce). Bruce was later released in favor of "Hey I can blow slaves too!" Guillermo Mota.

6. Champ's revamped starting staff

Looking for a few more wins and a few more strikeouts, Champ released Andy Pettite and Jon Lester and adding John Danks. For some reason, I can see retyping this transaction time in a couple weeks when Danks is cut for Pettite.

7. Now you see Adam LaRoche, now you don't

Edwin could only tolerate Adam LaRoche for two days. Then he saw something shiny and went with hot hitting Aaron Rowand.

8. Ryan Church

Church was finally picked up off the VUFSA waiver wire after remaining at the top of the available player list for practically the entire season. No one really wanted to chance it on the Mets' outfielder, but Champ finally stepped up and gave the dude an opportunity. And why wouldn't he given the .381 OBP, 8 HRs, 30 RBIs, and the fact that he was drafted by Cleveland?

9. The Baseball Recap

Sadly, State Farm seems to have consumed Edwin who cut the popular Monday column in favor of Cubs viewing, drinking, and other domestic pursuits.

Transaction Time V 4.0

Big blockbusters this week. Let's get to it.

1.) Brandon Webb for Ryan Braun and 2009 3rd round pick

Eli obtains one of the best pitchers in baseball with steady wins, ERA, WHIP, and strikeouts. He's as good as they get and will go a long way to helping Bob Loblaw boost sub-average numbers in wins and strikeouts. Having a logjam at third base helped the situation as the emergence of Evan Longoria made Braun expendable. Drew manages to secure some power for a team with a 1 in runs, 2 in homers, and 2 in OBP thanks in part to a disappointing Ryan Zimmerman. The Nationals third baseman hit just 3 homers before last night and has not been the second round pick that The M.B.As had needed and wanted. Now, they have a second year stud and a 3rd round pick to rework the error.

2.) Alfonso Soriano, Robinson Cano, Brandon Lyon for Hideki Matsui, Takashi Saito, and Max Scherzer

Tomke has been one of the surprising owners of this league who was hyper active for his first year, slowed down to make some shrewd moves in his second year, and now I'm not sure what to make of this baseball franchise.

On the one hand, Soriano (.188 BA, 3 HRs) and Cano (.160 BA, 3 HRs) have been horrendous. These guys are a huge reason why Bondo and the Asians are near the bottom of the standings. A change needed to be made. On the other hand, so much potential being sold low for a stereotypical "throw Asian players at Dave."

Matsui is serviceable, Saito is good, and Scherzer has had quite bit of hype, but is Matsui more valuable than Soriano at the end of the year? Is Saito an upgrade over Lyon? And Scherzer's second start (made before the trade was completed) was 4.0IP, 8 hits, 2 BB, and 5 ER, which I'm not sure is an even flip for Robinson Cano. Maybe this trade works out, but I think my tone reveals my skepticism on the selling low and buying role players.

3.) Ryan Doumit

There's a name you didn't expect to be catching for VUFSA's first place club. The Pirates catcher slash right fielder slash Josh Willingham is hitting .337 with 5 homers thereby causing long time steady hand Ramon Hernandez to languish in waiver wire land.

4.) Jason Giambi

Edwin makes a second straight appearance on Transaction Time by jetting the Yankees DH off his roster. I'm not sure this is so surprising given a .157 batting average and the availability of the strong armed Rick Ankiel (anyone else find it odd he can throw a strike from center field to third base but not from the mound to home plate?). But, I do find this transaction to be another one of those "growing up transactions" where another one of baseball's superstars who just a few short years ago was a dominant force now silently disappears into fantasy land irrelevancy.

5.) Yovani Gallardo

The dreaded ACL injury has afflicted one Baron's running backs leaving him thin at the position heading into week 4. Fortunately, Aaron Cook is available to step in. The Rockies right hander has quietly been very good with a 5-1 record and an admirable non-Mile Hile like 2.40 ERA.

6.) Brewer outfielders

Tomke likes his Milwaukee outfielders to have a little substance to them. Or on them. Bill Hall is out and Mike Cameron is in.

Not Baseball Recap 5.5

I started my new job today, and I won't have time to write a full recap. Here are the basics:

-JR gained a whopping 12.5 points and four places in the standings.
-Stem dropped a whopping 11.5 points and four places in the standings.
-Ed picked up nine points and was in first for a couple hours, the first non-Viano team to do so.
-Drew hit a tremendous 14 homers last week, 2/3rds of his total coming into the week (22)
-Champ stole an astounding 14 bases last week almost 2x the runner up (Baron with eight.)
-Andy fell six points as his ERA went up 0.56, costing him 2.5 standings points.
-Eli moved zero points, but extended his RBI lead with a league high 41.
-Baron saw a big drop in WHIP, 0.09 points and lost 4.5 in the standings there
-Dave is just pissed as shit.
-Slick's replacement nominee will go out this week for voting.

Ozzie Guillen
Baseball is fung

I fucking hate the VUFSA.

I see that shit at the top of the page, where everyone's all like, "this is fucking boring!" Well fuck you. Sure, we're the horseshit league that nobody cares about, that doesn't have all 10 owners poring over their fucking laptops every goddamn day. Fuck that. So what if I don't want to play Chris Paul for half the season -- does that mean I'm a social vagrant whose only role in life is to be butt-fucked by a bunch of fucking nerds who can't wait until the newest prospect comes up to the big leagues so they can use a waiver claim? Fuck that. I'm fucking Ozzie Guillen.

Do you know what I hate the most? Fucking Slick! I mean, at least give a flying fuck about what you're doing every day. Does he even get out of bed in the morning? Does he have a job, a girlfriend, hobbies or interests? Nobody fucking knows! Cuz the bastard doesn't even show up for months at a time. What the fuck is that? Is this one of those existentialist drama things, like Waiting For Godot? Of course Ozzie knows how to fucking read -- don't look at me like I don't.

Do you know who else can kiss my ass? Fucking Baron for never changing his goddamned team name. I can't decide which is more constant -- his damn team name or his position in the league standings every year, near the fucking basement. He's the fucking Tampa Bay Devil Rays! Oh, that's right, it's the Rays now. At least they change their fucking name once in a while!

And that Hank White shit was clever like four fucking years ago! You know what's in this year? Americanizing my fucking name. I'm Oswald Gordon. Aren't I fucking cute? Fuck Stem. And fuck the four goddamned moves he's made this year, tied with Baron for second-worst in the league. Do these fuckers even know that baseball started?

And then there's fucking Ed, the Grand Wizard of the whole thing. Except not any more, because his fragile fucking mind couldn't handle telling the other people in the league what stupid shits they were. So he fucking stepped down as comissioner or whatever, and fucking Drew just picked up that torch and ran with it, because fucking Drew doesn't know any better. If I was in charge of the fucking VUFSA, I would have fired everyone. At least there isn't a goddamn charter anymore. Like I said, Ozzie can read, but that shit blew my fucking mind all out of whack.

Fuck you!

Uncle Fucking Phil, welcome to the party. Glad you got unbusy for a fucking second or two, so your fucking best players didn't have to sit the pine for three weeks at a time. You're a dumbass, but at least you're ahead of fucking Eli and his fucking overconfident shit-fuck overconfidence. What a piece of shit. Thinks he fucking invented fantasy baseball.

And all you fuckers are Cubs fans. We get fucking shit on every fucking year because people love the fucking Cubs. You and you're fucking Fukudome and shitty-ass ballpark. I walked into Wrigley Field the other day and thought I was in the fucking men's room, and I was just looking for the right spot to take a dump. It would have been left field, but Alfonso Soriano already marked that territory by pissing himself all over the goddamned outfield grass.

At least I'm not piss-ass moaning about the fucking Milwaukee Brewers every time they lose some games. Who gives a shit about the Brewers anyway? They're like the fucking Royals, except with a fatter fuck playing first base. Call me when you're ready to eat your fucking cursed veggies at the big boy table.

Champ's cool, though.