Surprises and Disappoopments

I can’t wait for new blog material, so I’m going to provide it myself even though the games aren’t over. I realize I’m making generalizations, occasionally inferring outcomes of VUFSA games, and speaking much too soon, but deep down you crave this type of somewhat witty, halfway insightful, irresponsibly journalistic, and heavily biased analysis that is the VUFSA blog.

Week 1 is usually a crapshoot. Sure there are those valuable Yahoo preseason rankings and then the “best of” and “worst of” draft lists, but until opening kickoff, no one really has any clue as to how all the offseason moves are going to pan out. Much like Cubs fans hold onto the stupid belief that Wood and Prior are going to stay healthy, VUFSA owners hope that their 6th round pick is going to break out for double digits and lead them to victory. While that happens every now and then, the bitter disappointment and second guessing begins to set in wondering “why the hell did I draft him?” Extreme cases lead owners after week 1 to, like Cleveland Browns fans, already begin looking toward next season. And so, I give you a quick look at week 1 ups and downs for each team.

The Slumpbusters:

Pleasant Surprises –

London-Fletcher-Baker-Gieryna scored a touchdown. Teams look for a 5 or so from their defenders and generally hope the defenders keep them in the game rather than win it with a double digit performance. A strong start for The Slumpbusters defense.

On the road, Michael Vick looked like a superstar against a highly touted team. If Mike Martz’s departure leads to a decline in Marc Bulger’s passing numbers, Vick could be a real nice fit at starting quarterback.

Doggone Disappointments –

First round pick Roy Williams disappeared in a poor Lions offense. 3 catches for 36 yards is not the double digit output The Gun would have liked.

Tatum Bell went for 100+ yards despite not being the “starting” running back for the Broncos. The Broncos running back corps will most likely be led by Ernest Byner next week, but for the time being, T. Bell getting carries is a big plus.

Fresh Legs:

Pleasant Surprises –

The overall score bodes well for Baron’s 2006 campaign. An expansion team a year ago to top tier team (after week 1 at least) is a strong transformation of a franchise.

Laveranues Coles, in addition to having one of the hardest first names to spell in the entire NFL, has one of the most perplexing quarterbacks in the NFL. With Chad Pennington throwing to him, it’s hard to count on a regularly solid performance, but 8 catches for 153 yards sure is a nice first week.

Doggone Disappointments –
This is one of those weeks where come playoff time, Baron may look back and cringe. Supposedly getting the deceased Father Abraham to start the year was supposed to be a cakewalk. Instead, FA went all zombie-like and won a week where FL didn’t play that poorly.

It’s hard to ignore a 2.25 from Caron Palmer. Sure he’ll be fine; sure he was coming back from injury; sure Cincinnati won. But still! 13 completions for 127 yards? Not exactly best quarterback in the league numbers.

Cellar Dwellers:

Pleasant Surprises –

Donte Stallworth went from lost in the shuffle in New Orleans to wide friggin’ open in Texas (seriously, was there a Texan on the screen on his TD catch?). CD benefits from the trade that moved this WR from a broken down Saints offense to a rejuvenated Donovan McNabb.

And the other pleasant suprirse really has to be the rest of the wide receiving crew. Eric Moulds was an actual bright spot for the Texans (12.00); Plaxico Burress was making ridiculous catches in NY (12.00); Larry Fitzgerald went ape shit with 9 catches for 133 yards (10.50).

Doggone Disappointments –

As well as the wide receivers played, the running backs pooped. Shaun Alexander and Kevin Jones were victims in a field goal fest at Ford Field, with each losing a fumble to boot. 7 combined points from the keeper anchors of this team is not what Stem had in mind.

Naj Davenport’s Poop:

Pleasant Surprises –

Whenever a team’s namesake returns home, it’s a big week. As well stated in Viano’ smack talk, “welcome home, poop-master.”

The running backs looked real good this week. All three were in double digits with Willie Paker’s 115 yard rush-a-thon being the lowest scoring of the three.

Jerious Norwood wasn’t on the map to start the preseason, but he put up 66 yards on NDP’s bench. With the flex spot up for grabs and the Falcons loving the run, Norwood’s week one may be a precursor of things to come for Viano.

Doggone Disappointments –

Edwin is going to cover the historical narrow defeats in this series. Eek.

Joe Jurevicius laid a critical goose egg on week 1 and to boot he is now out 4-6 weeks. He’s a Cleveland Brown (ie can’t possibly play a full season), but this early in the season it sure hurts to lose a guy with double digit TDs from a year ago.

ChamPeons:

Pleasant Surprises –

Holy Gore! An oft dropped running back and league joke a year ago was a keeper for Champ, and Frank Gore rewards this loyalty with 2 touchdown, 24 point performance.

Daunte Culpepper is alive. I realize this is a borderline “pleasant surprise,” especially after throwing 2 picks, but let’s keep in mind the injury this guy came back from and the defense he was facing in his first game with a new team. I thought he looked fine, though I reserve the right to go back on my word next week.

Eddie Kennison scored an absolutely critical point. Just ask Joe Jurevicius.

Doggone Disappointments –

Another borderline mention, but so long as the New England Patriots waiver on who to play, Champ’s three roster spots for three different Pat backs is lot to carry. I certainly understand why he has Dillon, Maroney, and Faulk, but if just one stood out (Maroney), the other two could be dumped or traded for other depth.

Randy McMichael sure didn’t appear to be on Culpepper’s radar screen much on Thursday. CP is hoping this isn’t the start of a pattern.

Who Is Ron Mexico?:

Pleasant Surprises –

Reggie Bush is really really good. And he plays for WIRM.

Michael Jenkins and Lil’ Eli Manning can offer some scoring assistance next week should Tomke opt to move them off the bench and into the starting line-up.

Doggone Disappointments –

How horrific can Jake Plummer be? -6.25? 3 INTs? With zero points, Cleveland Browns third string quarterback, Derek Anderson, had a better week. Oh, and yes he’s still available on the waiver wire should anyone want him. Parents included.

None of WIRM’s three starting wide receivers could reach double digits. Combined. Plus one. Deion Branch playing sure would help.

Tice’s Partyboat:

Pleasant Surprises –

Warrick Dunn ran through a high touted Carolina defense without much of an issue. With TJ Duckett gone, Dunn has the opportunity for a big season.

The questioned early picking of Adam Vinatieri sure panned out after week 1. With 14 points, he was TP’s second leading scorer of the week. A rare good draft pick for the Wolfman.

Doggone Disappointments –

Chris Brown was drafted in round one because he was one of very few starting running backs available come draft time. Yet, Travis Henry received those precious goal line touches for the Titans. Damn it.

Trent Green’s head is permanently a part of Arrowhead Stadium’s turf. And so picks in round 1 and 3 are down the crapper for TP.

As mentioned earlier, defenses are supposed to just keep a team in a game, rarely winning or losing it for an owner. Yet, as of writing time, a fairly close game could have been a TP lead if not for a crummy combined 2 points from two Sunday defenders.

Also, TP’s owner is showing very little in the way of learning ability as Microsoft Word has pointed out that the Wolfman has misspelled “pleasant” 4 out of every 5 times he’s typed it.

The Nihilist Marmot:

Pleasant Surprises –

He may be fragile, and his wife scarily resembling a man, but Kurt Warner sure has the ability to distribute the football to abnormally talented wide receivers. 27.25 points is a mighty good week for JR at the QB slot.

JR politely told all the Tony Gonzalez haters to screw off after a 10 catch, 15 point performance. And this with his starting QB laying dead in a Kansas City hospital, and Damon Huard (speaking of dead, I thought he was) throwing the ball.

Doggone Disappointments –

With TJ Houmaninsertjokehere out, “Thug” Chris Henry was looking to make a name for himself. -5 yards receiving isn’t exactly a breakout performance.

Father Abraham:

Pleasant Surprises –

The mother of all pleasant surprises this week in the VUFSA. A team that has been written off as deader than Trent Green, picked last in the league, suffered through Priest Holmes and Domanick Davis disasters still managed to put up 100+ points. I’m not entirely sure how it happened, but holy crap what a showing.

Donovan McNabb was magnificent for FA, and he’s going to have to continue with 3 touchdown, 27 point days for Lincoln to earn W’s this year.

Doggone Disappointments –

The season is not one game long. If it was, FA would be in the playoffs with the unlikeliest of runs. However, there are still 13 games to go, and there’s no way this can continue. Is there?

There’s one Monday night player still to come for Souzek, but his bench scored a combined 1.75 points. Come later injuries and bye weeks, this lack of depth will be more crippling than, ok, I’ve worn out the Trent Green jokes. I’m done.

Madd Skillz:

Pleasant Surprises –

Edwin’s defense came up big. His three defenders would have lost to Tomke’s entire team by less than 10 points (granted, two starters still to come for Tomke tonight, but still.) John Abraham decided to make up for Steve Smith’s absence single handedly.

Sure there are plenty of awesome players on this team, but if we are digging for some surprises, let’s look to the bench and late round drafting that early on sure looks promising for MS. “Tricycle Solider” Kellen Winslow peddled his way for 13 points, and Brandon Jacobs is a beast who could see some of those oh so important goal line carries go his way.

Doggone Disappointments –

While still a critical piece of Kansas City’s offense, Larry Johnson didn’t reach 75 yards rushing behind a revamped offensive line let alone 100.

Kevan Barlow, much like Chris Brown, was that cringe worthy first round pick who was supposed to be a starter. Also much like Brown, Barlow sucks and is not getting the bulk of the carries.