Baseball's Worst Keepers

After seeing Jason Varitek dropped and Mark Prior drop to 0-5, I felt it was time to revisit the biggest kept disappointments from the 2006 season (so far).

10. Felix Hernandez (Jaque Itch)

-The phenom was tantalizing at the end of last year, the the thought that he may be the best pitcher in MLB for about 15 years was entertained by all. Keeping him wasn't a tremendous mistake, but exposing Jason Bay instead of the 20 year old with a 4.60 ERA was.

9. Randy Johnson (Sultans of Suds)

-I know it seems like I've used the big unit as a whipping boy all season, but big deal. He's on here because his numbers took a considerable drop from 2004-2005, and are completely falling off this year. His age has a lot to do with it, as it has to do with his 5.07 ERA. He's got a nice Yahoo ranking because he wins a lot of games (11) on a team that scores a lot of runs, and strikes out hitters. Make no mistake though, Johnson is far from the elite pitcher he was.

8. Jon Garland (Father Abraham)

-In a similar situation as Johnson. On any lesser team, a 5.01 ERA and 1.41 WHIP (with 66K in 129 IP) doesn't yield 11 wins. Garland's 18 win, 3.50-1.14 season from a year ago was tough to believe while it was happening, and even harder to digest it would happen again. Still, with his age, it was a worthy gamble to try and let lighting strike twice- it just didn't.

7. Todd Helton (Cellar Dwellers)

-Like Johson, age has not been kind to the former fantasy superstar. While the OBA is delightful, the 11 HR and 51 RBI are unacceptable from a corner infielder in Coors Field.

6. Bartolo Colon (ELENI KAMETAS)

-1 Win, 5.11 ERA in 56 IP. Plus, he's fat and looks like he smells really bad.

5. Barry Bonds (Cellar Dwellers)

-He's old, like a few guys on the list. Ranked 329th by Yahoo, his RBI numbers are dismal, and he has hit fewer homers than the recently demoted Chris Shelton. He isn't even a guarantee to take the field every day. His fantasy relevance is over, as even a DHing season won't produce worthy numbers.

4. Rich Harden/Ben Sheets (Tadano's Fluffer)

-These two amazing talents were unquestioned as keeper-worthy, but we're in August now, and here are their combined numbers: 70.1 IP, 5 wins.

3. Jason Varitek (Father Abraham)

-Varitek is a fine real-life option, but in fantasyland- all catchers (sans Joe Mauer) are stinky. Catchers with 11 HR and 50 RBI on one of baseball's best offenses are interchangeable and expendable. Varitek was waived today.

2. Mike Sweeney (ChamPeons)

-Everyone's "huh?" keeper from April is ranked 1168th after batting only 68 times and doing nothing in any of them.

1. Mark Prior (Hank White Bandwagon)

-Not only was the very effeminate Prior kept despite his constantly unhealthy health situation, but he was protected instead of...Carlos Beltran. Beltran disappeared during the expansion draft, and Prior disappeared until June, where he came off the DL roaring, compiling an 0-5 record with a 7.20 ERA. 720 is also WGN-AM's frequency, proving once again the Cubs will do anything for cheap advertising. Simply put: Mark Prior is a tender little girl who can't stay healthy or get hitters out, and the only bobblehead I own makes me cry each morning.

Honorable Mentions:

-Mark Teixeira/Michael Young (Hank White Bandwagon): These Ranger's slow starts put HWB in a steep hole

-Mark Mulder (ELENI KAMETAS): His ERA is above 6.

-Tim Hudson (Cellar Dwellers): 5.25/1.48. Does Billy Beane know what he's doing, or what?

-Mark Buehrle/Cliff Lee (ChamPeons): The left-hander's contribution to CHM has been negligible.

-Eric Gagne (ChamPeons): I'm 100% sure that Eric Gagne was a steriod user. A mediocre starter becomes an insanely dominant closer overnight, then can't get healthy for more than 10 games in a row? Guilty.

-Jhonny Peralta (Tadano's Fluffer): Mediocre numbers wonder what made him one of our top 50 players.

-Jake Peavy (Jaque Itch): 5 wins, 5.01 ERA. Strikes out a lot of men and all, but we expected more.