Quarterback Ratings

So, the K Drive is down at Saginaw Valley, so I can't really do any work. So, I'm going to put up the rankings for teams' top two quarterbacks. These aren't going to be my rankings, but Yahoo's.

10. Champeons (+211)
Daunte Culpepper (58)
Steve McNair (153)
This is a tough ranking for Champ. Culpepper has been looking good in the preseason, and Steve McNair has the weapons to succeed in Baltimore. The pressure won't be on him, and he already has a rapport with Derrick Mason. Still, according to Yahoo, Champ has the worst quarterback tandem in the league.

9. Cellar Dwellars (+204)
Tom Brady (31)
Jon Kitna (173)
Stem suffers quite a bit from having Jon Kitna on his team. While I feel that he'll be a lot better than Yahoo predicts him to be. Then again, you can't spell Kitna with I-N-T. I also feel that Tom Brady won't be as good as he's predicted to be (3rd QB in the league), since he doesn't have any receivers at the present time.

T-7. Nihilist Marmot (+161)
Kurt Warner (74)
Brett Favre (87)
J.R. has the two starting quarterbacks that are closest in ranking. He loses out in the tie because the team he is tied with has a QB with a better ranking. I have doubts that Kurt Warner can stay healthy, and Brett Favre is like 52.

T-7. Tice's Partyboat (+161)
Trent Green (68)
Drew Brees (93)
Despite keeping Brees, Green comes into the season as a higher-rated Yahoo QB. But seriously... the two best receivers these guys have to throw to are Donte' Stallworth and Eddie Kennison. Despite the fact that Champ absolutely loves Kennison, I'm not sold. They are going to have to utilize tight ends (Tony Gonzalez) and running backs (Reggie Bush) to be a big force.

6. The Slumpbusters (+143)
Marc Bulger (49)
Mike Vick (94)
The Rams will always throw the football. Although they don't have Mike Martz anymore, they still have Torry Holt, Isaac Bruce, and Kevin Curtis. That is a good arsenal. And in a league where running counts for so much, I know personally that Vick can win or lose a game for you every week.

5. Father Abraham (+127)
Donovan McNabb (44)
Ben Roethlisberger (83)
Personally, both of these guys are ranked way too high. McNabb has absolutely no one to throw the ball to. Reggie Brown as a top receiver? The Eagles are in trouble offensively, especially if Brian Westbrook goes down. And although Roethlisberger has all kinds of people to throw to, we all know that the Steelers love running the football. We'll see what happens.

4. Naj Davenport's Poop (+120)
Peyton Manning (6)
Byron Leftwich (114)
Peyton Manning is by far the highest-ranked quarterback in the league, 24 points ahead of anyone else. Plus, with the loss of Edge and the preseason struggles of Dominic Rhodes and Joseph Addai, it looks like the Colts are going to have to throw more than last year. Leftwich is a solid backup, but the Jaguars have receiver troubles like some other teams. Ernest Wilford has established himself as the go-to guy, but Matt Jones and company will have to step up as secondary receivers.

3. Who is Ron Mexico? (+119)
Eli Manning (35)
Jake Plummer (84)
Eli Manning has the most targets of anyone to throw the ball to. With a plethora of receivers and a great tight end, there are no excuses for Manning if he doesn't succeed this year. And I'm banking on him to succeed. The Snake has a really sweet moustache.

2. Madd Skillz (+116)
Matt Hasselbeck (39)
Drew Bledsoe (77)
Drew Bledsoe could end up being a better fantasy quarterback than Hasselbeck, Tim or Matt. I think Tim Hasselbeck is still in the league, at least. If T.O. plays a significant amount of time, he could form one of the better tandems in the league, along with Terry Glenn. Jason Witten gives him a good safety valve, as well. Shaun Alexander will get the ball a fuck-ton in Seattle, and the 'Hawks just don't have a dominant receiver, although they have a few good ones.

1. Fresh Legs (+102)
Carson Palmer (30)
Jake Delhomme (72)
How will Palmer return from his injury? Although a lot of his success will depend on his ability to stay healthy and his teammates' ability to stay out of jail, he's a great first option. Chad Johnson is good at football. Also, Jake Delhomme is a great secondary quarterback, and could be a starter on a lot of other teams. Steve Smith and Keyshawn Johnson are pretty good receivers to throw to.

That's it. Baron's real gay.