Running Back Rankings

I'm doing running backs today, wide-outs tomorrow, and then tight ends/kickers Thursday. I'm going to do four running backs and three or four receivers, since most of us are going to start four RBs or four WRs. Once again, these are Yahoo's rankings, not mine.

10. The Nihilist Marmot (+270)
Tiki Barber (4)
Carnell Williams (15)
Mike Anderson (116)
Mewelde Moore (135)
Wow, talk about a drop-off. Barber is one of the best running backs in the league, and whether or not he gets goal-line touches, he'll have a shit load of yards. Barring another injury, Williams should resume his impressive season. And then there is shit. Anderson has a good chance of seeing the field, since Jamal Lewis is still recovering from the trauma he suffered in jail (probably anal trauma). Moore is behind Chester Taylor, and I doubt Minnesota brought Taylor in to sit the bench.

9. Who is Ron Mexico? (+243)
Reggie Bush (34)
Chester Taylor (52)
DeShaun Foster (55)
DeAngelo Williams (102)
Reggie Bush is already the highlight of this running back crew. Despite the fact that the Saints also have Deuce McAllister, Bush could be the most talented running back to come into the NFL in a long time. He's god-damned electrifying. Taylor and Foster are both getting their first shots at starting jobs in the NFL, in Minnesota and Carolina, respectively. Carolina likes to run, and Minnesota has Brad Johnson for a quarterback. Williams is young and promising, and is a great insurance pick since Foster hasn't proven that he can stay healthy for a full season.

8. Father Abraham (+210)
Domanick Davis (23)
Jamal Lewis (48)
Fred Taylor (57)
LenDale White (82)
There are a lot of question marks in this group. Despite the fact that it ranks higher than two other squads, I have a feeling that it could end up being the worst. Davis and Taylor suck real hard at being healthy. One of them will probably break a leg and the other will probably contract SARS and die. As previously mentioned, Lewis' anus has still not recovered. At least, I don't think it has. White's not a starter yet, but Chris Brown is the one ahead of him, and he's just a fragile as the rest of this team.

7. Champeons (+199)
Julius Jones (24)
Corey Dillon (41)
Joseph Addai (56)
Laurence Maroney (78)
Champ is set up real nice for the future. I'm skeptical, though, as to how this team will work out this year. Jones has the problem of having one of the better backups in the league (Marion Barber). He'll have to prove himself early and avoid injury to keep his starting job. Dillon is another injury-prone running back that hasn't played a full season that I can recall right off-hand. That makes Maroney a great pick-up for Champ, guaranteeing him basically all of New England's rushing points. Addai is another guy who is going to have to prove himself right out of the gate, because Dominic Rhodes may steal a lot of touches from him.

6. Naj Davenport's Poop (+196)
Ronnie Brown (9)
Willie Parker (29)
Cedric Benson (60)
Marion Barber (98)
Brown is one of the best young running backs in the league. With Ricky Williams smoking weed in Canada, Brown stands poised for a huge year behind Miami's vastly improved passing game. Parker is another guy that is going to see his touches increase by about a million. Benson is trying his best to lose his starting job in Chicago. Barber, previously mentioned, has one of the best shots in the league of dethroning a starter.

5. Fresh Legs (+177)
Brian Westbrook (18)
Deuce McAllister (36)
Thomas Jones (59)
Dominic Rhodes (64)
Baron is making quite a nice showing for himself on these rankings. First in the QB rankings and fifth in the RB rankings. Westbrook was a late-season addition last year who should see a lot of touches in Philly, because of the lack of throwing targets. The addition of Donte' Stallworth will take away some of those touches, though. McAllister will have to fight off Reggie Bush, which will be tough, as he is returning from a season-ending injury. Jones and Rhodes are both currently listed as the number two running backs on their respective teams, but they should both see a good amount of touches. Neither one will sit on the bench, though, since they both work in a platoon system.

4. Cellar Dwellars (+175)
Shaun Alexander (1)
Lamont Jordan (11)
Kevin Jones (40)
Greg Jones (123)
Well, you might as well take Greg Jones off of this list. He's done. Sorry Stem. I should probably move you down the list after that one, but I'm too lazy to switch up the list that I have prepared. The other three running backs that Stem has? Amazing. Alexander is either 1a, 1b, or 1c, depending on how you feel. He'll score about 30 times. Jordan is in an Oakland system that seems to be passing-retarded, despite having great receivers. Plus, his coach has personally said that Jordan is going to get a lot of touches. Kevin Jones is about to turn into Marshall Faulk circa 1999. Go, Mike Martz!

3. Tice's Partyboat (+146)
Edgerrin James (7)
Reuben Droughns (27)
Warrick Dunn (33)
Chris Brown (79)
James is ranked incredibly high, and probably should be, but there are questions about the offensive line in Arizona. He'll get yards, but are there enough touchdowns to go around with Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin sharing the field? Droughns is in the same boat. Last year, he recorded a ton of yards, but couldn't seem to find the end zone. Dunn should probably be bumped up after the T.J. Duckett trade. Now, not only will Dunn get more touches, he'll also be able to get some goalline touches. I hate Chris Brown. He'll get hurt by week four.

2. Madd Skillz (+125)
Larry Johnson (2)
LaDanian Tomlinson (3)
Rudi Johnson (8)
Kevan Barlow (112)
Even though Yahoo has these guys as number two solely because of Barlow, I still think this is the top team in the league, and the top running back corps in the league. L. Johnson and Tomlinson will be in the top five in all-around points this year. R. Johnson will have a great season, probably, but more and more people are saying that Chris Perry is going to see a lot more action than last year. I've even heard that his coach has told him that he wants him to eventually take over this shit. Barlow sucks balls. I don't care where he is. He won't start for very long because the Jets will realize how hard he blows. Which is real hard.

1. The Slumpbusters (+93)
Clinton Portis (5)
Steven Jackson (12)
Willis McGahee (26)
Tatum Bell (50)
Remember when McGahee's knee was dominated? That was hot shit. I watched that whole game one time just to see the injury. He's good, though. I thought about trading Bush to the Gun for McGahee and a second-round pick. Portis is hurt right now, which is going to be interesting. Will he recover in time? Will he be great when he comes back? Will T.J. Duckett steal his goal line touches? Steven Jackson is money, since running backs in St. Louis have been money since forever. Will Martz's departure hurt him? Tatum Bell is apparently hated by his coach, so that won't help. With Mike Bell and Ron Dayne on the same team, there simply aren't enough balls to go around. While Tatum is the most talented back, he's also a pussy.

That was long.