The dreaded bye week

Everyone has them. Everyone hates them. The dreaded bye week. As has been well publicized, I have to suffer through a horrid week 8 in which my three starting running backs will spend their weekend eating grapes and relaxing in hammocks. In a roto league, all bye weeks would be quite meaningless as everything would balance out over time with everyone having to sit their star players once. In our beloved and overly cherished VUFSA football league, though, who has the bye week and when can make or break a team.

Cellar Dwellers:
Had a couple of byes in week 3 in which they lost their two Lions. It didn't matter much as Kevin Faulk scored his one TD of the year filling in for Kevin Jones, as the team defeated the Blaine Browns. Week 5 was probably their worst week for byes in which they lost Lamont Jordan, Jerry Porter, and Plaxico Burress. Regardless, they disposed of Father Abraham in blowout fashion. Shaun Alexander is going to miss the biggest showdown of the year with a bye this week, and J.J. Arrington fills in. Mind you Arrington hasn't scored as many points this entire season as Alexander does in taking a single whizz. After this week, though, Stembo is sitting pretty as all of his byes (except for Sam McDonald...so what?) are through.

Madd Skillz:
MS (now I see why we abbreviate Madd Skillz with "SKL") had a bad bye earlier on in week 3. Todd Heap, Domanick Davis, and Santana Moss all took a nap. Larry Johnson took Davis' spot and managed to score -2 points. It really hurt Edwin as he managed to wallop me by 45. Bad bye my ass. Steve Smith and Fred Taylor passed on week 7, contributing in large part to MS's first loss of the year. Antonio Bryant sadly contributed 1 point in Smith's absence (and if Ed would have flushed all offensive Clevleand Browns, he would have started Larry Johnson and won this past week). Week 10 doesn't look too pretty either with the team formerly named Too Many Bengals sitting Chad and Rudi Johnson (and some guy named Tomlinson). You're welcome Sex Panther. Speaking of whom...

Sex Panther:
Thomas Jones and da Bears had week 4 off. Never mind that, Eli had 4 other starting running backs at that point in time. Wouldn't have mattered much as the Blaine Browns kicked off their 2005 campaign that week. Week 9 could get ugly as the St. Louis Rams rest Marc Bulger, Torry Holt, and Stephen Jackson. Willis McGahee is also off leading Cellar Dwellers to rejoice unceasingly. Also, Scoop Jackson admirably filled in for my personal favorite John Clayton week 7.

Blaine Browns:
So what is worse? To have your team all take the same week off and conceed a single defeat? Or is it worst to spread out the byes forcing the owner to patch together a starting line up all year long? This week Curtis Martin, Warrick Dunn, Edgerrin James, Alge Crumpler, Dwight Freeney, and Patrick Kerney all have byes. How teams in the AFC East, AFC South, and NFC South all have the same bye week is beyond me. Regardless, should I make trades and pick up players off the waiver wire, or should I just let this week go and have all the troops back in week 9? I'm leaning towards the former, even considering not starting a defensive player. But then again, I'll probably panic on Friday and trade Joe Horn for the Whizzinator. Man, I can't believe I did that. You're welcome ChamPeons.

Fred Lane's Wife:
David Carr had week 3 off, but his wife is the only one who cared. Ronnie Brown and Willie Parker took a rest week 4. FLW lost by 3.25 that week, and I'm going to give Viano the benefit of the doubt on that one. Viano did acquire Joey Galloway right in time for his bye week leading me to wonder why he didn't wait another week to pull the trigger on that deal. Corey Dillon was also off too, but FLW did beat the previously undefeated Madd Skillz. So what do I know, I traded Joe Horn for the Whizzinator. I really can't get over that. Kelly Holcomb (former Cleveland Brown...red alert! red alert!) and Tatum Bell are off week 9. Elsewhere, Viano is sitting pretty.

Father Abraham
"Ankle Chains" Jamal Lewis and his 2.9 yards per carry had a bye week 3. That led some guy named Kyle Johnson to fill in. Johnson overachieved, scoring 0 points on 5 yards rushing. Nonetheless, FA managed to conquer Who is Ron Mexico and their momentum filled one game winning streak. Priest Holmes was out week 5, and the superstar Kyle Johnson was there to fill in again. This time, Johnson got on the board with 1 reception for 1 yard, putting up 0.5 points. Oddly though, FA has been hampered mostly with personal byes. Joe Horn and Ricky Williams have each decided to take off when their respective teams have not. Good news for owner Souzek, only Jason Witten and Ashley Lelie have meaningful byes from here on out.

ChamPeons:
Week 3 saw ChamPeons without Clinton Portis and Derrick Mason. Fill-ins Frank Gore (42 yards rushing, 0 TDs) and Issac Bruce (0.50 points) did nothing a Dayton Flyer wouldn't have done. As a result, Champ had just a 3.25 margin of victory. Much closer than need be. Week 5 was a rough one for ChamPeons. Kerry Collins, "Captain" Daunte Culpepper, Mewelade "I was there but didn't see any sex acts because 'I'm engaged'" Moore, and Randy "pretend pants pulling down isn't so bad is it, Minnesota?" Moss all got crazy. Due to the partying, Madd Skillz trampled and chewed up ChamPeons. Week 9 could be a sore one too with Drew Bledsoe, Rod Smith, Michael Irvin, Julius Jones, Eric Moulds, Issac Bruce, and Tyson Thompson all having the week off. You're welcome The Octagon. Speaking of whom...

The Octagon:
He protested my trade, so I protest his team. That and I've already written this entire article once only to have it inexplicably vanish from my computer screen in a moment of sheer panic.

Big Fat Guys:
Chris Chambers sat out the battle of expansion teams, thereby contributing nothing to BFG's first win of the season. Nate Burleson was on bye week 5. I don't think he was healthy enough to play anyway not that it was mattered because he was busy "going deep." (Rim shot, please). Side note: living in Minnesota is absolutely wonderful. We have the dumbest coach with the most morally corrupt players (sorry Dallas and Baltimore). It's never ever boring here. Oh yeah, on with BFG... Week 9 might be a bump in the road as Terry Glynn and Peerless Price (who I totally missed signing with Dallas) are off.

Who Is Ron Mexico:
I sympathize with WIRM as this team also is sitting an insane number of players this week. Jerramy (thanks mom) Stevens, Brandon Stokley, Joe Jurevicius, Justin MCareins, TJ Duckett, and Mike Mexico Vick all take a rest. That should lead to a much needed W for The Octagon. Elsewhere, three Vikings and Lil' Eli Manning were off saililng Lake Minnetonka week 5. That led us to a breath taking 69.25 (FLW) to 42.00 loss. Ugh. Good news, after this week, only Mike Anderson is on bye the rest of the way.

Bye.