The Top Ten list of players who have prompted owners to ask "What the Fuck?" in hostile frustration. Non injury related disappointments after four weeks of pigskin.
10. Charles Rogers, 4.50 (Father Abraham): The news today is that the Lions receiver, who remains loaded with promise, will miss four games with a drug suspension, further compounding a useless season to this point. The wideout hasn't even cracked Lincoln Souzek's lineup to this point, but he certainly figured on being a decent component of the future. Now that's pretty uncertain.
9. Tony Gonzalez, 13.50 (The Octagon): He was supposed to be the best tight end in football. And as of right now, there are four free agents scoring more points than him. Trent Green and the Chiefs offense hasn't done much with the pass this year, and Gonzalez has been the greatest casualty, without a touchdown while the best tight end in the league (LJ Smith) sits on The Octagon's bench.
8. Michael Clayton, 16.50 (Who is Ron Mexico?): The Bucs receiver has been far from stellar this year, despite being tabbed as a breakthrough-type before the season started. His 1.00 points this week was disgusting, especially after following up his stellar 4.50 week from a year ago. As a receiver, you can never be proud when you have more fumbles (1) than touchdowns.
7. Kevin Jones, 20.50 (Cellar Dwellars): Benched in the second half of this week's game, Jones' promise has suddenly been tempered in Detroit ... just another sad tale in the worst division of all time. He had a laughable 2.50 points in week 2 and has yet to reach double digits for a team that has nonethless gone 4-0. Really, truly amazing.
6. J.J. Arrington, 5.00 (The Octagon): Admittedly, this is the self-serving portion of the program, where I bitch and moan about my awful team. Arrington wasn't as hyped as Ronnie Brown or Cadillac Williams as rookie running backs go, but most people saw him as a legitimate back in the NFL. Instead, Dennis Green decided that Marcel Shipp might be a better option in Arizona, came out and said he actually prefers undrafted guys to the hyped guys, and Arrington's illness made things worse. Five points for a guy who was slated as a potential No. 2 running back is brutal.
5. Lee Evans, 8.50 (The Octagon): The Buffalo Bills have the worst quarterback in the NFL and the best Wisconsin receiver nobody's using. Evans caught two passes on the first drive of the Bills' game yesterday, and then never touched another ball, mostly because quarterback J.P. Losman is a turdy turd turd. Evans is one of those guys who would become a superstar in another offense, but he's awfully constrained where he's at.
4. Andre Johnson, 7.50 (The Octagon): David Carr may have great hair, but he is rapidly becoming such a first overall pick bust that he actually got his offensive coordinator fired after two weeks of football. Johnson, who has the talent to be at the front line of NFL receivers, has been absolutely stifled and his keeper status has been thrown into question. Johnson wasn't a superstar last year, either, as far as catching touchdowns went, but most people thought he had the talent to step up into another level.
3. Brandon Stokley, 10.00 (Who is Ron Mexico?): He was supposed to be the No. 2 option in one of the most lush of meadows in which wide receivers frolic. But the Colts have chosen to be more conservative this year, and Stokley has been the most impacted, sliding down the depth chart in addition to Peyton Manning's so-so fantasy slugishness (before this week). The dude didn't even play this week. And, to make matters entirely worse, he's still white.
2. Jamal Lewis, 15.50 (Father Abraham): Lewis didn't play in Week 3, but the one-time fantasy super-stud topped out at 11 this week, with a 4.50 in week one and fatty zero in the second week. His offseason drug lovin' seems to have translated into some crappy run lovin', with Chester Taylor (hopefully) breathing down Lewis' neck for playing time. Not what owner Lincoln Souzek was looking for.
1. Daunte Culpepper, 40.25 (Sex Panther): His point total may not seem entirely awful for a quarterback, but it's really the product of one good week out of four. His barftastic performance in Week 1 meant Sex Panther would fall short against Madd Skillz, and his 3.75 showing in Week 2 allowed an expansion franchise with a bitch owner to get a win. Eli Gieryna's team probably doesn't win this week even with a better showing from his QB, but 8.75 points isn't worth a whole lot. Conclusion: that joke about Daunte's head looking like a penis just became funnier now that he sucks.
5 comments:
Tomorrow, I will attempt to work "turdy turd turd" and "barftastic" into conversation.
-Drew
I've changed my goals this year from beating Ed and Baron to beating J.R. He's my new rival and I swear to god, I would sell my soul for a head-to-head victory.
-Tomke
Wait, one of your goals was to beat me? What did I do?
Anyway if we're going to be self serving- can I nominate Domanick Davis, who had waaaaaay more expectations than JJ Arrington and plays in the same disappointing offense as Andre Johnson?
I might suggest Curtis Martin could be on the list as well. He's rushed not enough times for a pathetic average and no TDs. And, unlike JJ Arrington, he has proved himself to be a capable running back. And, unlike Domanick Davis, had played for a non-turdy turd turd team. His barftastic performance angers me greatly.
-Drew
Martin was definitely in consideration, but I filed him under the "injury" heading, and this was specifically non-injury failures.
I admit Davis has been bad and probably could get the call, especially in favor of Arrington, who is on here mostly because I hate him. He probably should have made the list.
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