Week seven recap

Scoop Jackson here. I want to write this reCap. And I’m going to. No one asked me to do so, but it ain’t mattering. I don’t need to be asked.

I just take.

This reCap is mine.

And if you have problems, you just are Hating. Hate. Ugly. Thing.

Hate. Moving ...

... forwards onto the matchups for Week 7/Seven.

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Fred Lane’s Wife: 105.75 points
Madd Skillz: 94.25 points

Game summary: The shock of the week here. Stunner. All week long, Skillz (I love the name) talk about how hard his matchup gonna be. People laugh. Point. No laughing, no pointing, no more. Andy Viano pulls out ice cold performances from his refrigerator from smooth Willie Parker, who glides down the field like butter on burnt toast. Toaster. Strudel. Skillz was tied down by Tomlinson not getting it going. When you depend on a cat for 20-and-beyond points per week and he throws up just thrice, it’ll drag you down. Deep. Skillz still in good position and FLW hanging around in the PoStseAsoN race.

Fred Lane’s Wife (3-4): Like I said, Willie is slick. Ronnie Brown, one mad half of those running Auburn boys keep dope-smokin Ricky’s ass glued to the bench. Elmer’s. Rookie is running hard and good in Miami. Kevin Curtis, who is white, helps the cause with a sweet 12 points outta the wideoutta position. And Peyton Manning, who also is white, ain’t doing his 2004 thang, but it’s good enough to get a win. He’ll have to do without The Man-ning next week against Sex Panther.

Madd Skillz (6-1): El-Dee-Tea is the story of the week here. What did those Iggles do? Gotta think that other teams around the League will be checking up on the footage, finding out how to at least slow down that Charger. They can’t. He’ll be back, no sweat. But maybe we can end those abSurD Walter Payton comparison for now – that ain’t happening. Domanickel Davis did blow up though, and will keep doing it. Only thing going on down in Houston right now. The ‘Nick. And Santana Moss keeps gettin’ JACKED on Sunday afternoon. I think we know who the real lar-sin-y of the draft was. Biggest game of the year coming up next Sunday. Skillz v. the Dwellers. Gonna be huge. Large. Not small.

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ChamPeons: 85.75
Big Fat Guys: 71.75

Game summary: We now humbly present the Roseanne Barr Ugly Matchup of the week. The Peons get themselves a win, but they do have the fewest point of all winners by 60 minus 40. I’m sure they’ll take it. The Champ don’t be picky. The big story is that Daunte Culpepper put up some big numbers finally. Good to see the Captain getting his roll on again. Both these clubs just loitering right now. Gotta be careful when loitering. The next two weeks will be huge for both squads -- lots to prove with time still left to make a run.

ChamPeons (3-4): Like I said, Doooontayyy got going again. That moldy defense in Green Bay might have something to do with it, but we’ll see how the purple Vike responds next week. Also gotta give it up for Jeremiah Trotter for a big defensive week. Trotting. Seems weird that a team gets a dub while only having three boys hit double digits. But like I said, the Champ ain’t picky. Chance to get back to Even Steven next week with another win, and with Blaine Browns missing his running back army, it could very well happen.

Big Fat Guys (2-5): How about my Chicago boy Thomas Jones? He running that Ray Lewis defense ragged was a thing to behold. The Brrrrrs are uniting the city of Big Damn Shoulders right now, sitting in first place in the North. Nice to see the South Side and the North Side Haters coming together behind a team. Other than Thomas Jones, not a good week for Bee-Eff-Gee. I love punctuation. Pung-choo-ay-shun. Grammar rules. Gramma ruse.

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Cellar Dwellers: 131.25 points
Who is Ron Mexico?: 69.25 points

Game summary: The Stem Train is still gaining steam. Hot. I think we even gotta upgrade them from train to Monorail. Like one of the crazy Japanese ones that floats above the track and hisses around Mount Fujijakawakama. Ssssssssss. They that crazy good. And Ron Mexico’s boys keep doing the Struggle thing, and things might just get badder for the boys with Ahman Green down and out for the year. Ouch.


Cellar Dwellers (7-0): Consiztent. We’re just living in your world, bro. That’s how Stem Cell wants it.

Who is Ron Mexico (1-6): Some words for ya: Glass. Lamp. Nose. Giggles. Photos. Kick. Socks. Trachea. Paper mache. Toiled. Calendar. Pavement. Turtle. Broadway. I’m sure ya’ll can make the connection.


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Sex Panther: 134 points
Father Abraham: 69.75 points

Game summary: Late wounds forced Sexy Panther to fill some holes with some spackle players. He licked ‘em. Then ticked ‘em. Finally above FIVE HUNDY, he’ll try to continue his playoff run. The Father of Our Country had a down week, and continues to be inconsistent. Up and down. Spotty. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Unpredictable. Lots of points some week, few points in others. Like several teams, though, he’s hanging around. But this matchup was over by mid-afternoon Sunday.

Sex Panther (4-3): All about the Clinton this week, tearing up a straight empty pockets 4-9-ers defenz with three jaunts into the painted zone of pimpin. George Clinton. Bill Clinton. Clinton Portis. No Haters here. And plenty of running room on the green because of it. And The Predator won’t admit it, but he be frolickin when pass-happy Mike Martz hit the hospital. He’s going to jet up the Nelly-City-Turf for the rest of the year, hitting holes harder than ... shit, I don’t know. I ain’t no Ralph Wiley.

Father Abraham (3-4): Week started off good under Friday Night Lights with a big game from Priest Holmes. But the Midland-Odessa start stopped cold as only McNabb was able to find double digits after that. Gets a blow next week with a winnable game against the Fat Men, and has a chance to leap back into things. Hop. Jump. Though he isn’t out. No way. Can’t count the eldest out. Gotta have respect.

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Blaine Brown: 144.25 points
The Octagon: 109 points


Game summary: Former roommates do battle and both perform admirably. Big points difference, but can’t fault one-oh-nine from the Brew fan. BB is shooting up in the standings and has overcome his miserable start. He’s right there. The eight-sided clan is headed the other way, but a few wins puts him back in the battlefield.

Blaine Browns (4-3): Gonna have to find some natural resourceful next week when he’ll miss his trio of halfbacks. I’d suggest coal, if you listening. But notched another one in the left column here with a dominating effort. The Edge will cut you up with the other Colts coming up lame right now. Gotta love the spins. New school cool.

The Octagon (2-5): I refuse to talk about this team, because the owner is so much better than I am at what I do. And I’m threatened.

Until next time, I’m Angry with all of you.