Week 5 Recap

Madd Skillz: 95.50
ChamPeons: 69.50

Game Summary: A ten point lead for Champ evaporated during the Sunday Nighter against SKL's four Chargers. The Cowboy passing game led to 3 subpar starts between the teams, though Julius Jones was able to rack up some yardage. Unfortunately, Jones was only one of 2 'Peons in double digits, as Champ tossed up a 69.50, lowest score of the week and a 60 point drop from Week 4.

Madd Skillz (5-0): I was exhausted all through the night on Sunday/Monday morning because I cut my sleep short to watch as much football as possible. I arose at 4pm edt only to watch Shitty Drew Bledsoe crap all over Lincoln Financial Field. Not since Henry Burris have I seen such incompetency quarterback. The ball was glued to his right hand on every blitz, and watching him try to run away from Eagle defenders was like watching drunk homeless man run startled from a central park squirrel. On those rare occasions he wasn't sacked, the ball ended up in the hands of an Eagle in some way, including three of the most embarrassing INTs I've seen in my lifetime. If it weren't for a fluky 47-second 10-yard dash for a TD, Shitty Bledsoe would have ended up with negative fantasy points for the day. I spent a good 13 minutes pacing the bedroom and yelling at my computer screen at halftime of the Sunday Night game because of the foul mood that Shitty put me in. (In my defense, I was still down 5 points at the time). I sarcastically demeaned my team and even threated them with bringing Kevan Barlow back, because "at least that fuckhead Barlow scored touchdowns, more than you retards can say for yourselves." I also told Joe Horn that "like [his] mother, I wish I never brought [him] here." First thing out of the half, I get a few LDT points, then a Nate Kaeding FG clinches the game. Hours later, I'm at 90 points wondering what I was so worked up about. What was it again? Oh yeah, Shitty Bledsoe, the worst human being on the planet. It's fucking Romo Time.

ChamPeons (3-2): CHM's on-again, off-again relationship with greatness was off-again this week, thanks in large part to his rookie RBs falling short of expectations, and his WRs taking a week off. Mark Brunell, despite his performance, was a smart pickup (on paper) against the Giants. It had me genuinely worried after the Redskins went nuts on the Jaguars, and the level of suck that the Giant's pass D had achieved in prior weeks. I was worried until I realize that the Giants had played the Colts (P. Manning), the Eagles (D. McNabb) and the Seahawks (M. Hasselbeck)- three really good teams with really good QBs, and that 5 of their 8 passing TDs allowed heading into the day were in one game. Somewhat predictably, Brunell struggled and Champ never really recovered.

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Cellar Dwellers: 88.00
The Slumpbusters: 84.50

Game Summary: The game that threw the league into unparalleled parity was the week's closest. Three Rams all had nice games for SLM, but awful performances from non-Torry Holt WRs and average showings from studs McGahee and Portis allowed CD to slip by despite a -2.50 in the RB3 spot.

Cellar Dwellers (3-2): Tom Brady looked like a 1st rounder with 18 points, and Plaxico Burress had a nice day- but it was Julius Peppers and Lawrence Tynes who really made the difference for CD, notching 22.25 points between them. LaMont Jordan, while not studly, was at least worth a starting RB spot again, although that position is in doubt more than ever with a concussed Kevin Jones. 3.5 points is Stem's largest margin of victory this season (really), winning 3 games now by a combined 6 points. (Avg. Margin of Victory: 2 pts. Cue the luck index in 3, 2, 1...) The 3.50 points came from Derrick Mason on Monday night, proving again that nothing good happens for Eli when Mason is on the field on Mondays.

The Slumpbusters (3-2): Missed an opportunity to separate from the pack. Marc Bulger had another terrific game, and makes Eli look very smart for securing the QB before the season, especially with Tiki Barber playing like an average RB. Roy Williams, Santana Moss and Jeremy Shockey were alarmingly bad, and the average performances by every non-Ram were not enough to make up for it. Gets a tough matchup against SKL next week with a chance to re-establish themselves a dominant title contender.

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Naj Davenport's Poop: 102.25
Fresh Legs: 70.75

Game Summary: Viano has the VUFSA's marquee player, the one stud that no one can even hope to compete with. He had another solid matchup which led to another huge game on Sunday, and until someone slows Robbie Gould down, we're all playing for 2nd.

Naj Davenport's Poop (3-2): In the preseason, everyone knew that by week 5 Viano would be getting double digit performances from guys like Greg Jennings and Marion Barber. Not really, but those two just illustrate how well things are going for NDP right now. Everyone on offense had a useful game, with Jennings, Barber, Willie Parker and Peyton stepping up above the crowd. As long as keepers Hines Ward and Ronnie Brown get their shit together (or rather, their NFL teams do) Viano is in great shape.

Fresh Legs (2-3): After sitting pretty at 2-1, Baron has lost 2 in a row, and is consistently haunted by Ahman Green's woman parts. Green sat out again on Sunday, spoiling great days from Deuce McAllister, Thomas Jones and Brian Westbrook. Jake Delhomme played fine in Carson Palmer's absence, but Laverneus Coles and Doug Gabriel were the suck. Whereas Andy had guys throwing up 6s and 7s on off days, Baron got 1s and 2s, and there's your ballgame.

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Father Abraham: 111.25
The Nihilist Marmot: 89.50

Game Summary: Unlike Andrei Kirilenko, Lincoln has Donvan McNabb, and you do not.

Father Abraham (2-3): With McNabb as steady a stud as we have, supporting performances step into the spotlight. Fred Taylor's 18.50 was outstanding, while Anquan Boldin and Joey Galloway were great as well. Past that, nothing but solid performances, counting a 9.75 from suprise defender Trent Cole. With LenDale White on the field, and Leon Washington starring for the Jets, Lincoln's arrow is pointing up.

The Nihilist Marmot (2-3): For once, JR is better that his record indicates, a weird thing for the league. All three RB spots notched double digits, and that large sigh of relief coming from TNM stems from Caddy Williams going back on cruise control. The absence of Travis Henry in the starting lineup was unfortunate, but his emergence gives JR 4 starter worthy RBs. Let down by both Isaac Bruce and Antonio Bryant, and though they both scored- was hoping for more from the Colts.

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Tice's Partyboat: 91.50
Who is Ron Mexico: 73.25

Game Summary: Drew made an emphatic case for 8th in the power rankings with a very strong week. Maurice Jones-Drew suiting up for TPB was really the difference in this one, as without that trade, it's a 34 point swing back to Dave, and his first win of the year.

Tice's Partyboat (2-3): Edgerrin James is playing Ok, but still a big disappointment. 12 points is nice, but Drew was really leaning more on his #1 keeper. Yes, Troy Aikman, Randy Moss is still in the league, and getting into the end zone. Though his receptions and yardage are not studly, he's scored TDs in consecutive games. Greg Wrighster was all you could ask for from a fill-in TE. Drew's steadied the ship, and Captain Drew Brees has been solid at every turn. Could this be a turning point? Drew doesn't think so. More on that if I get enough people to turn in their three questions...

Who Is Ron Mexico (0-5): Dave doesn't believe in your parity horseshit. Reggie Bush scored his first TD of the season, but past him there were just .50 points between the other runners, both brought in via trade this week. Eli Manning was his normal good self, fantasy-wise, and Jeff Wilkins scored another 11 points- but that's really it. Dave's defenders were really good this week, so that's something.

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Next week, hopefully we'll have a video recap from this guy: