Top Ten Single Week Spectacles

Nothing really exciting to talk about this week, but you have to love Ed Schillinger's absolute and total domination -- against a team that Ed could have tied playing only LaDainian Tomlinson and his tight end. Such wasted effort. It does prompt me to point out the top ten single-week performances by a team in the VUFSA this year, however, which is a thrillfest.

10. Sex Panther in Week 7, 134.00. Clinton Portis had a breakout day with a 28.50, and Steven Jackson’s 22.00 points made for a 1-2 punch that nearly single-handedly overcame a week that was supposed to be riddled with byes and injuries. Double digits from patchwork receiver Az Hakim and tight end Antonio Gates.

9. Cellar Dwellars in Week 4, 141.75. Reaffirming his right to be in the upper echelon, Stem moved to an impossible 4-0 with a dominating win over ChamPeons, getting a host of double-digit performances. Plaxico Burress had a silly day, catching over 200 yards for the Giants, and his 27 points paced the field, while Lamont Jordan added 21. Jake Delhomme (17.25), Larry Fitzgerald (14.50), Shaun Alexander (15.50) and star kicker Neil Rackers (19.00) aided the cause.

8. Blaine Browns in Week 7, 144.25. Edgerrin James was the star on this day, a 25.50 showing that anchored a rushing attack that did nothing but double digits…Warrick Dunn (16), Ruben Droughns (11) and Curtis Martin (10.50) all did their part. Lawrence Tynes having virtually a perfect week for a kicker with 14 points, and more double digits came from Drew Brees, Terrell Owens and Donald Driver.

7. Madd Skillz in Week 5, 150.25. Ed Schillinger moved to 5-0 thanks in large part to 20-point showings by Matt Hasselbeck (24.75) and Steve Smith (21.00). Heavy double-digits came from LaDainian Tomlinson (18.50) and Domanick Davis (19.00), with others from Chad Johnson and Fred Taylor. Something tells me this isn't the only time we'll see Skillz on this list. What a bitch.

6. Sex Panther in Week 5, 153.50. New quarterback Marc Bulger reminded Eli what it was like to have a consistent performer at the helm, doling out 21.50 points. Najeh Davenport’s good first half before season-ending injury was worth 17.50, and Steven Jackson dug out 19.00. Other double digits belonged to Torry Holt, Willis McGahee, Clinton Portis, Robert Mathis and Antonio Gates. This was not one of those weeks where the football gods decided to pee in his refridgerator, which is too bad since he was playing me.

5. Fred Lane’s Wife in Week 1, 154.25. Twenty-point-plus performances from Peyton Manning, Jimmy Smith, Corey Dillon and waiver pickup Willie Parker spelled good things for Fred Lane’s Wife in 2005. But massive injury letdowns and underperformance since then have severely crimped owner Andy Viano’s plans.

4. Madd Skillz in Week 6, 157.25. He didn’t need the blowout win, but he proved a point by collecting his third 150-point plus week in six weeks, while just two other owners had even had one. LaDainian Tomlinson (34.25) passed, threw and caught a touchdown, and eight players reached double figures. Santana Moss (25.00) and Chad Johnson (16.00) were the most illustrious. I hate Ed's team.

3. Madd Skillz in Week 3, 159.75. Skillz actually LOST points on Monday Night, thanks to a negative-2.00 by Larry Johnson of the Chiefs. LaDainian Tomlinson had one of the best weeks you will see with a throwing touchdown and three rushing for an astronomical 44.25 points. Throw in 28.50 from Steve Smith and double digits from Chad Johnson and Fred Taylor, and he really didn’t need complete performances from everyone to succeed.

2. Sex Panther in Week 3, 163.75. After an 0-2 start to the season, Eli Gieryna reminded people why he was so liked as a possible league champion. Daunte Culpepper rebounded from a pair of awful, hideous weeks to post a 32.25, Willis McGahee had 20.00 and double digits came from Torry Holt, Cadillac Williams, Antonio Gates, Thomas Jones and Zach Thomas. Only one player besides defenders (and only two total) had fewer than seven points.

1. Madd Skillz in Week 9, 165.00. The margin of victory has to be the greatest VUFSA will ever see, as Who Is Ron Mexico manages a feeble 47.50 while Skillz absolutely crushes with an unnecessary tally. Tom Brady nets 28.50 points and Larry Johnson gets 25.50, but the real story is naturally LaDainian Tomlinson, who gets 37.50 and continues to showcase his superiority as the next step in human evolution. Double digits also belonged to Steve Smith, Jeremy Shockey and Rudi Johnson. Afterwards, Ed wa chastised for picking on less-advanced creatures.