Power Recap- 11/1

Eli has to work today, and whenever that happens, I step in and try to write a semi-coherent recap. And whenever that happens, I fail pretty comically. And not comical like his one-liners and ESPN satire, comical like watching RLH try to walk up a flight of stairs at the ARC. (see?)

Anyway- Since I don't write well in paragraphs- here are the rankings a day early, in an unholy union with the recap. I've also invited various personalities from the Worldwide Leader in Sports (and elsewhere), per tradition.

1a. Cellar Dwellars (7-1) Last week: 1st (-)

-I didn't look it up, but I'm pretty sure we just saw the largest drop in points from one week to the next. Like most teams this week, Stem had a lot of production on the bench, the most notable being Jake Delhomme's 29.25. It doesn't look like Mark Brunell is going to get any more chances from CD. Jerry Porter had a big bench day (21) as well, and no other WR on the team scored over 6 points. LaMont Jordan and Kevin Jones have the only decent offensive days for this team, and Shaun Alexander's return gives the RB crew plenty of potential to rebound next week. This is the first loss of the season for CD, and although 66 points is pitiful, they stay at #1 (sort of) because their top competitor, while winning the head to head, did not have a week worthy of a win. I know that I'm going to get crap for not naming a new #1 team, but I don't care. CD has performed well enough to get the benefit of the doubt after their first bad week.

ESPN's Tom Jackson says: A-A-A-And you're right, you can't penalize the Dwellars for one bad week, every team is bound to have one. I expect this team to look at the performance of Tedy Bruschi on Sunday night- just 9 months after having a stroke- and use that as motivation in their coming showdown with Sex Panther.

1b. Madd Skillz (7-1) LW: 2nd (+1)

-Moved back into first place after a win in the much-anticipated dual with CD. Outside of Steve Smith, got a below average week from most players, as Fred Taylor's excellence was relegated to the bench. Rudi Johnson continues to underwhelm, while the QB spot continues to struggle to break the 10 point barrier. Domanick Davis has been performing well enough, but still way below expectations. Santana Moss has come back to earth, and all the attention that Chad Johnson wants is starting to come in the form of defensive backs. Steve Smith continues to dominate, but how much longer will he be able to play like this before teams realize that Jake Delhomme doesn't throw to anyone else? As you can tell, I don't like this team very much.

Sports Illustrated's Peter King says: I refuse to count out any team that has Tom Brady at the helm. The only fault I see in this team is the overall lack of Patriots on the roster. Two will not get it done. There are over 40 Patriot players in the Free Agent Pool in this league, and it is indefensible that the men of VUFSA have not to have claimed each and every one of them. The fact that they once again share a locker room with the almighty Tedy Bruschi is reason enough to take a gamble on every one of them, in the hopes that Bruschi- who had a stroke 9 months ago- rubs his greatness off on them.

3. Sex Panther (5-3) LW: 3rd (-)

-Survived a thundering by the slimmest of margins. Registers the high score for the week, so it's not as if they got lucky by holding on on MNF. Cadillac Williams and the makeshift WR corps came up pretty lame, but Antonio Gates and Steven Jackson carried the load in a big way this week. Willis MaGahee had a solid day as always, and Steve McNair chipped in a decent showing as well. I'm going to say this now: this win clinches a playoff berth for SP. This was an enormous win, because a loss drops them to 4-4 with a horrendous bye week on deck. As is, they'll get past their worst bye above .500, and get the favor returned when they face a bye-depleted team in week 10. This win over a major playoff contender will loom large down the stretch, should SP falter once more.

ESPN.com's Scoop Jackson says: Tedy Bruschi is the only white person I like.

4. Blaine Browns (4-4) LW: 4th (-)

-They played admirably, considering the circumstances. It goes without saying that negative spots from TWO RB spots is unfathomable. There may be some solace taken in the fact that CHM played very well in this one, and even a full strength team was not guaranteed a win. Drew Brees played extraordinarily, and continues to be a top notch fantasy QB, which is a bit of a suprise to some. Terrell Owens has been quiet lately, but he scares the hell out of any of BB's opponents. Has a big game in week 9, facing a wounded FA squad that needs to keep their playoff hopes alive.

ESPN's Joe Theismann says: We talked to Browns owner Drew Wolf earlier in the week, and he expressed some concern that Tedy Bruschi's return might overshadow the news that his three starting running backs were all on bye this week. I told him- you're right. Remember, Bruschi had a stroke just 9 months ago, and is a far greater figure in American Culture than Warrick Dunn.

5. Fred Lane's Wife (3-5) LW: 5th (-)

-Record-wise, they're not in great shape. However, can you really say that any team below is playing better? They get jobbed in a big way after putting up the #2 score of the week. Joey Galloway has a great week for his new owner, while Tatum Bell and Corey Dillon contribute tremendously in the loss. Ronnie Brown is a real solid back this year, and a lock to be a keeper and an impact player next year. It's hard to complain about what Kelly Holcomb contributed, considering he's Kelly Holcomb, but a bigger week from him translates into a win. The road to the playoffs just got a little steeper, but the loss by BB keeps FLW real close.

ESPN's Paul McGuire says: You wanna talk about a guy who got hosed? You wanna talk about guy who should be upset? I wanna show you Andy Viano. This guy played his guts out this week and has nothing to show for it. I give him credit though, for recognizing and accepting the fact that Kelly Holcomb had to line up across from Tedy Bruschi, which cost his team a win. He knows that Bruschi's comeback- from a stroke suffered 9 months ago- is the most important thing to happen to modern society.

6. ChamPeons (4-4) LW: 7th (+1)

-Last week I wrote that this team hasn't been very good. This week, they were. No one stood out (read: over 20 points) but double digits from 5 guys and a splattering of 7s 8s and 9s did the job. It's a little frightening that Randy Moss hasn't gotten it going, and this team is still in the hunt. I also wrote that I thought the Daunte Culpepper trade was a bad one. Right now, I stand by that. Heath Miller was an outstanding pickup at TE, and will continue to score TDs, although yards and catches may be scarce. The win this week was big on a couple of levels, but the highest being that they knocked down a frontrunner to their level. CHM now controls what happens from here on out, as they start at the same line as BB, and one ahead of FA, FLW, BFG and OCT in the sprint for the playoffs.

ESPN's John Kruk says: I don't care that CHM hasn't been playing great- all I care about is wins. CHM has the will to win. There's an intan-gel-u-bull quality that the great ones have, like Tony LaRussa, Derek Jeter, Tony LaRussa and Tedy Bruschi. You may not like it, but I'm old school.

7. The Octagon (3-5) LW: 8th (+1)

-Got back in the win column against WIRM, but went over 100 for the second week in a row in doing so. A remarkable total considering how poor Brett Farve played, as well as the disappointing WR corps. Tiki Barber, Brian Westbrook and Kevan Barlow all stepped up, while Tony Gonzalez finally showed up to play. All of them, however, were dwarfed by 19 points from Kicker Jay Feeley. 19 points from a kicker? That is so JR. Antowain Smith came up small in his first game with the new club, but he'll get better. Marvin Harrison comes back next week, and that's big because the WRs really need a boost.

ESPN's Stuart Scott says: Holla at ya boy! I told y'all that O-C-T wadn't layin' down. The Radclizzle is right back in this beast with the LARGE performance from his homies this week. I'm going to keep one eye on this team in the playoff race- and I'm keepin' the other (literally) on Tedy Bruschi, cuz my man BOOM has pictures of him all over his cubicizzle.

8. Big Fat Guys (3-5) LW: 9th (+1)

-I think it's pretty clear that I don't know what to make of this team. A good win, over a good team, and they're not going away any time soon. Marion Barber? That's the reward you get for making smart moves. Same thing can be said for Carson Palmer. Travis Henry didn't really work out in his first week back, but it didn't matter as the win margin was comfortable enough. I can't say that I believe yet that this team makes a serious run, but they can win on any week, no matter the opponent. This team is 1,000 times more competitive than anyone expected.

ESPN's Chris Berman says: Big Fat Guys? I love it! Just when you count them out- WHOOP! They come back strong! Speaking of comebacks (fake serious-big-boy voice now) how about Tedy Bruschi. An amazing specimen and an even better story. It's only fitting- and I mean this now- that I get to say that, right now, because it's very much like me to make the same joke 8 times and continue to think it's funny.

9. Father Abraham (3-5) LW: 6th (-3)

-4th loss in a row, and it's ludicrous to even think about second-guessing starting Donovan McNabb over Jake Plummer. When Priest Holmes and Jamal Lewis fail to score 10 points- combined- it's going to be a long week. Muhsin Muhammed turned out to be a decent start, and Steven Davis and Anquan Boldin prove to be great high draft picks- but after that there's just nothing there. Ricky Williams got it going for a little against his first team, and that's encouraging. What isn't encouraging is that they have to play BB next week, in what is turning into a must-win.

ESPN's Bob Ley says: I can't believe I am surrounded by such jackasses.

10. Who is Ron Mexico (1-7) LW: 10th (-)

-This is starting to look a little silly. Eli Manning didn't have a big game, and he's the only true stud on this team right now. Cashed in their best running back for two solid ones in a good trade for both teams. Outside of that, it's continuing to build for next year, with upsets on their minds. SKL is up next.

ESPN.com's Bill Simmons says: Red Sox. Karate Kid. Belichick. Rocky. Celtics. My buddy _____. NBA. David Stern. The OC. I scream "Tedy Bruschi" when I orgasm.