Week nine: The Recap

Just wanted everyone to know that the Cubs re-signed Neifi Perez today. So I imagine that the expansion teams will be fighting over him this spring in the expansion draft, since Dusty Baker will find a way to get him 850 at bats this year.

We played football this week.

Here’s what happened.

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Madd Skillz: 165 points
Who is Ron Mexico?: 47.50 points

Game summary: There’s a biblical story, you may have heard of it, called David and Goliath. In it, young David is forced to do battle with a behemoth warrior named Goliath, who was favored by all Jersualem oddsmakers. But David was spry and resourceful, and used his slingshot to hit Goliath right between the eyes ... knocking the giant to the ground, killing him. To the amazement of all, David had won the battle. You may ask, what does that have to do with this? The answer is nothing. In the current era of such juggernaut vs. underdog matchups, Goliath knocked David against a wall with the back of his hand, stepped on his small, prone body and crushed his bones. Then he ate him. Game over.

Madd Skillz: LDT is really, really good. Tom Brady had a huge week -- despite his team losing to the Colts –- and it was enough to help Skillz set a post-expansion points record. And with Priest Holmes possibly done for the season, Larry Johnson is suddenly a top-5 running back. Domanick Davis is slowed, but this more than makes up for it. Believe it or not, this team just got a lot better. We’re all screwed.

Who is Ron Mexico?: Well, Eli Manning is pretty solid. And Ricky Williams got the surprise start, and had a nice 11-point week. And uhhh ... Brandon Stokley caught a few balls. I’m going to move on.

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The Octagon: 97 points
ChamPeons: 94.25 points

Game summary: The Octagon needed a huge Monday night from Marvin Harrison, and he got it. Amazing that he won with only two offensive touchdowns –- but I guess we can’t be surprised. With the close win, I’m sure JR will cautiously wait and see if it's ripped away from him on Thursday morning. But something tells me that won’t happen.

The Octagon: Like I said, he was saved by Marvin Harrison’s huge night during the Patriots’ awesome and glorious and beautiful loss. Troy Polamalu was the other big star in what was a very strange win. No other player score in double figures.

ChamPeons: Had to slop together a bit of a makeshift lineup with all of his Dallas Cowboys on bye, but still did an admirable job. Chris Brown has played very well lately and could be a big boost down the stretch. The team is mired in the 4-5 quagmire, but if Julius Jones comes back healthy, they’ll be right in the thick of the playoff hunt.

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Cellar Dwellers: 115.75 points
Sex Panther: 101 points

Game summary: Sex Panther lost for the second time in four days.

Cellar Dwellers: Has 1,014.75 points and an 8-1 record.

Sex Panther: Has 1,050.75 points and a 4-5 record. Whatever.

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Blaine Browns: 107 points
Father Abraham: 73 points

Game summary: Just another rock-solid week for BB, who is approaching a near lock for a playoff berth with the teams behind him floundering. This game was over early, as nothing really got going for Father Abraham. But yes, it was Drew who came out ahead in the battle of the league’s only two married men.

Blaine Browns: This team is good. He welcomed back his vagabond running back core with open arms, and they all responded, combining to score 48 points on the day. Even Reuben Droughns got in on the act, swerving and winding his drunken ass into the end zone to score 16 points. Team chemistry is also much better now that Terrell Owens is out of the virtual locker room.

Father Abraham: Stephen Davis keeps finding the end zone, which is good. But this team, built around Donovan McNabb, is struggling with its injuries. It also doesn’t help that Jamal Lewis is emaciated and terrible, and their best player’s spine may not longer be connected to his brain. Also interesting to note: FA has lost five straight since the cry for more respect.

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Big Fat Guys: 75.25 points
Fred Lane’s Wife: 71.50 points

Game summary: I wanted to shove this matchup as far down on the page as possible, hoping no one would see it. The two teams’ combined output is over 20 points less than Skillz’ score this week. Ugly, ugly, ugly.

Big Fat Guys: Had a nice pickup of Jonathan Wells, who filled in nicely at running back and made the difference here. Further proof that it pays to actively scan the waiver wire. Carson Palmer continued to cement his status as one of the elite quarterbacks and ... well, absolutely no one else was good this week. But he won, and is now 4-5. I guess that’s all that matters.

Fred Lane’s Wife: A manic-depressive team. If your squad goes up against FLW, just hope it’s the week after they’ve score 100+ points, because they’re sure to dip back into the low ranges the next. Peyton Manning was huge (John Madden said he actually tried last night) and Joey Galloway scored yet again. But the team had six offensive starters score fewer than four points, and that’s a recipe for disaster. However, a few recent trades have set this team up for a serious playoff run. They’ll be right there.